Jeder Terror ist Bulshit – ob mit Drohnen, Bomben oder im Namen Allahs. Und besonders nach den blutigen Anschlägen in Paris und Kopenhagen glaubt kein Mensch mehr, dass irgendein Allah so etwas liked.

Aber auch Multi-Kulti ist nicht schuld daran, dass es in Frankreich und Dänemark so weit kommen konnte, wie diese pathologischen Spaziergänger im Abendlicht behaupten.

Und eins scheint so sicher wie das Amen in der Moschee zu sein: Die Welt braucht neue Talente in Sachen Beten & Bomben – also in nachdrücklicher Missionierung auf die sanfte Tour.

Ein Casting muss her – und natürlich lässt es sich der führende Kuschel-Terrorist nicht nehmen, seine drei Söhne über den Catwalk zu schicken, pardon, in die weite Welt hinaus. Doch das Terror-Trio Olama Bin Baden, Andreas Baader junior und Adolf der Schreckliche kommt total geläutert und nahezu unverrichteter Dinge von seiner Mission zurück.

Während Gott und Allah auf ihren Wolken über ihr Bodenpersonal streiten, bekommen alle Weltreligionen und Weltanschauungen ihr Fett weg – die großen Götter im Himmel genauso wie die Turbo-Tyrannen auf Mutter Erde. Und ihre verhaltensoriginellen Hooligans, Hogesas und Pegidas bleiben ebenso wenig unerwähnt.

Aber niemand landet mehr zur Strafe im Fegefeuer oder wird Opfer eines fanatischen Racheaktes oder findet auf der Flucht vor Horror und Terror im Mittelmeer sein Grab.

Denn Hölle war gestern für die Menschen – und das auch für Hitler, Stalin und die anderen Obermuftis und ihre Jünger. Egal ob Kommunismus, Kapitalismus oder Terrorismus, ob «Das Kapital», «Mein Kampf» oder «Der Koran» – ins Paradies kommen alle, ob sie nun auf Jungfrauen scharf sind oder nicht, ob sie Hitler heil oder die RAF geil finden. Es muss doch mal Schluss sein mit dem Kriegerischen in den menschlichen Genen und Kommandozentralen.

Wozu also noch bomben?, fragen sich auch die drei explosiven Knuddel-Söhne, denen auch die letzten Reste ihrer terroristischen Veranlagung vollends abhandengekommen sind.

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