Kitabı oku: «The Complete Cynic», sayfa 3

A flea in the ear is worse than two on the dog. (T)

He that liveth well hath (l)earned enough. (M)

Born with a silver spoon in the mouth – and somebody hopes you choke. (T)

People who have never been tempted are just as good as cold-storage eggs. (H)

United we stand it, divided we re-marry. (T)

The original Scotch high bawl – bagpipes. (H)

Old wine and women should not be stirred. (M)

A Piller for Society – a fashionable doctor. (H)

When thieves fall out – then honest men may steal. (T)

Every Jock has his pull. (T)

In Unions is discord. (T)

"Laissez faire." (H) Corset-Maker's Motto.

Indiscretion is the better part of pallor. (H)

"Troubles never come singly." Why marry? (T)

Some people's genius lies in giving infinite pains. (T)

A soft drink turneth away company. (H)

They also swear who only stand and wait. (T)

He who runs may face a recount. (M)

Better fifty minutes motoring than a cycle to Cathay. (H)

BOOK FOUR

Announce of Prevention – "No Admittance." (H)

All the world shoves a shover. (T)

Give a jury enough dope and it will hang itself. (H)

If the shoe fits – put it on to somebody else. (T)

It's the darkest before pawn. (M)

A policy shop – the Embassy. (T)

He payeth best who loveth best. (T)

If at first you don't succeed, buy, buy again. (H) From "Maxims of a Johnny."

You may have many strings to your Beau, but "It doesn't always follow." (H)

Two is Company, three is Investigation. (T)

"Peace that passeth all understanding" – the Hague Conference. (H)

Those who "cursed the day they were born" must have been infant prodigies. (T)

They say the artist never repeats himself – many artists are too busy repeating other people. (H)

Beware games of chance – the game doesn't take chances. (T)

The original bone of contention – Adam's rib. (H)

The golden mean – nouveau riche. (H)

Why do those today whom you can work tomorrow? (M)

Blow it – while you're young! (H)

How far that little scandal throws its beams! So shines a bad deed in the daily press. (T)

Receipts of the Mighty – Dividends. (H)

Ohm! Sweet Ohm! (H) Electrician's Motto.

Wife is uncertain. (T)

Perhaps it was because Nero played the fiddle, they burned Rome. (H)

A counter irritant – the saleslady. (T)

A cat has nine lives, but the scandal she starts has ninety. (T)

A Saturday night egg is an egg that has "tried all week to be good." (H)

Don't kill the goose that lays the golden egg – pluck it. (T)

First be sure it's light, then go to bed. (M)

I only regret that I have but one wife to leave in my country. (T) Last words of the Absconder.

Consistency is the only jewel that tempts no woman. (H)

It's a wise saw that cuts two ways. (T)

Best fed, soonest landed. (T)

Truth is stronger than diction. (H)

Everybody hates an early riser. (H)

Cut your friends according to your check-book. (T) The Parvenue's Motto.

One may do favors for many but accept them from few. (M)

When the author's away – we write the play. (H) Actor's Motto.

Buy, Baby, Buy!!! (H) Chorus Girls' College Yell.

Work, for the light is coming! (T) The Burglar's Motto.

Leave no "Turn" unstoned. (H) Dramatic Critic's Motto.

The burning question – Will we get the insurance? (T)

Publicity is the bent pin in the seats of the Mighty. (H)

If thou hast a white elephant, be comforted – somewhere there is a zoo. (T)

 
To be a Cynic, get a pair
Of cross-eyed goggles blue,
And you will see folks everywhere
As other folks see you. (H)
 

No one knows the worth of woman's love till he sues for alienation. (H)

Who whirls an auto reaps an autopsy. (H)

To the food inspector all things are pure. (M)

A Pool – and your money is soon parted. (H)

Ignorance of the Law excuses no man – from practising it. (T)

Stock exchange is all robbery. (H)

If some people got their Rights they would complain of being deprived of their wrongs. (H)

Too many "Cooks" spoil the tour. (M)

An ounce of detention is worth a pound of too sure. (T)

A Medium: One who puts a spook in your wheels. (H)

Pay the Piper – but jew down his bill. (T)

Exclusiveness is Nature's quarantine for snobs. The polecat is the most exclusive of animals – the garlic of vegetables. (H)

When Art is long the artist is short. (H)

Men may come and men may go, but women prink forever. (H)

A man is known by the silence he keeps. (H)

FINIS

BOOK FIVE

Be hailed truthful that your lies may count. (M)

Never drink from your finger-bowl – it contains only water. (T)

Have patients. (T) The Doctor's Motto.

Don't talk about yourself – it will be done when you leave. (T)

"Honest as the day is long" – don't strike for shorter hours. (M)

Don't leave your spoon in your cup – work it up your sleeve. (M)

Don't borrow trouble – it is cheerfully given. (T)

Never strike a woman – tell her she can't reason. (T)

Poets are born, not paid. (T)

Nothing too small for personal attention – remember the flea. (T)

Even the tallest family tree has its roots in the soil. (H)

Pro-moter – one who wants to sell you his. (T)

It's a long love that has no turning. (M)

Out of sight – in for absent treatment. (M)

Never call a man a fool – borrow from him. (T)

The pen is fightier than the sword. (H)

Let your light so shine before men that they may dodge your motor car. (T)

Weighed and found banting. (H)

Where is the dough of yesteryear? (M) General Cry.

Close to nature – the bathing-suit. (T)

Don't make sweeping assertions —do the housework. (T)

Lots of people have matrimonial troubles and don't know it. (H)

A penitentiary for your faults. (M)

 
I hold it truth with them that sing
With one long carp in cynic tones,
That men will rise on stepping-stones
Of their best selves for anything. (T)
 

Cultivate a pleasing address. Some people judge by location. (T)

Does a virtue cease to be a virtue when embraced by a woman? (H)

Welcome the coming; bleed the parting guest. (M) The Landlord's Motto.

"Ladies First" – or you may get backbitten. (T)

Some people will only thaw out at the Social Register. (T)

Never speak sharply – give your poison-candied opinion. (T)

Never put your feet on the table – some people eat pigs' feet. (T)

Not one-half knows how his better half lives. (T)

Too good to be new. (H)

Much silver goeth by the till the cash-register knoweth not of. (M)

Too many crooks spoil the legislature. (T)

The rift in the loot – the reform committee. (T)

"Salt Horse" is soon curried. (H)

"Give no quarter" and the dollars will take care of themselves. (T)

If a penny is wise, who says a pound is foolish? (M)

The field of literature is sown with laurel and wild oats. (H)

The family "Grace" – thank God they couldn't come! (H)

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Cynic, by

Oliver Herford and Ethel Watts Mumford and Addison Mizner

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