Kitabı oku: «Space: one hundred one story of surrealism», sayfa 2

By the way, did you know that the first flight to the moon belonged to a bat? I’m telling.

One day, a centaur chased after him, and the bat got so scared that it broke the sound barrier and flew out into space, and hid on the dark side of the moon. Since then, this mouse has only been living there, because all the others are no longer at all in the world, they are hiding in more visible, but already known places. Delicacies from them, of course, are so-so, but for lovers of meat on the bones, this is a real delicacy. That mouse, occasionally crying, looks at the ground and wipes his eyes with a wing, because his favorite playstation five, on which he loved to play battlefield five, remained there. He wipes his beads and cannot believe that he worked two years for nothing in the firm of his goat friend, only to lose everything like that when the magic began to seep into his house. But in one, of course, he was lucky, no doubt, his eyes saw like binoculars, no, more precisely, as he himself repeatedly repeated, telescope, he looked at libraries with them and read books, straight from the moon. That’s how easily he managed to learn everything, and create a house on the moon, grow food. He even created living organisms, because there were no females. Of course, he did not build a rocket, but still, he managed to make a space backpack. And even a helmet. He put them on and flew off to other worlds, planets, and looked for others, the same as himself. After all, he could not believe that all bats are alone in the universe. Well, it can’t be like that. He flew for a long time, once again overcoming the sound barrier, and his sound barrier turned into a light one. And in just a week, he got to another galaxy. Here a surprise awaited him… because there were no females. Of course, he did not build a rocket, but still, he managed to make a space backpack. And even a helmet. He put them on and flew off to other worlds, planets, and looked for others, the same as himself. After all, he could not believe that all bats are alone in the universe. Well, it can’t be like that. He flew for a long time, once again overcoming the sound barrier, and his sound barrier turned into a light one. And in just a week, he got to another galaxy. Here a surprise awaited him… because there were no females. Of course, he did not build a rocket, but still, he managed to make a space backpack. And even a helmet. He put them on and flew off to other worlds, planets, and looked for others, the same as himself. After all, he could not believe that all bats are alone in the universe. Well, it can’t be like that. He flew for a long time, once again overcoming the sound barrier, and his sound barrier turned into a light one. And in just a week, he got to another galaxy. Here a surprise awaited him… and his sound barrier turned into a light barrier. And in just a week, he got to another galaxy. Here a surprise awaited him… and his sound barrier turned into a light barrier. And in just a week, he got to another galaxy. Here a surprise awaited him…

This is not worth talking about here, all sorts of dangerous contractors are watching my every word to find a bat. They’ve even set up an account for those who can get their hands on the very last living scientist bat. All the riches of the earth, and even the neighboring planet, were promised. Therefore, I won’t lie, but I can’t say in which galaxy the mouse is now. Silent-silent. But know one thing, he found something important, very significant, even more expensive than the reward announced for him. So it goes.

But about the engineer’s mole, I can tell you one interesting thing. Just imagine how this mole, in a few days, managed not only to open a short wormhole into the portal to the other side of the earth, that’s how they later began to call it, by the way, and so… it means that he opened this amazing hole, and what do you think? All the animals of the world mixed up and moved into his world, wolves, Amur tigers, pandas, wolverines, snakes… For the snakes, of course, the mole was happy, he hadn’t eaten his favorite food for a long time, and this is his food, so to speak since then favorite. No one has seen this engineer, but every week, amazing things happen all over the planet. Either a dinosaur falls from the clouds, then a Mammoth lives on the street, and a prehistoric man produces fire in a cave. Recently, huge rabbit centipedes jumped out of the ground, and instead of dragons, pterodactyls began to fly – without a scarf and handkerchiefs. The frogs are now afraid to go outside, they say they are afraid of dragonflies and flies that have become the size of a bull. Oh, fathers, sparrows! Could such a tiny mole have been able to open a gap between time and space.

Once, he even got into Einstein’s room and stole his sandwich from there. When Einstein noticed the hole, the mole waved its paw at him and smiled. After the sandwich is lost, Einstein looks for a way to get it back. Since then, the scientist’s hair, rumor has it, never obeys him from shock, even glue did not help, and scissors broke. And once, walking through the holes, the mole went into Lermontov’s room when he was reading a letter from Mendeleev. Seeing him, Lermontov curled up on the floor and asked him not to tell anyone about love with the old man. After all, he was ten years older than Mendeleev, and with such a big difference in age, marriage was not allowed and they were executed if they found out. The mole smiled, scratched his head, and then changed the channel. He fell for a long time, maybe an hour or five minutes, there really is no time here. He got to Elizabeth II, she neighed like a horse, that she began to turn into a horse, her hooves and tail grew. Immediately the mole ran away from there. He didn’t particularly like horses. And once in the room of Leonardo da Vinci and Galileo, the mole could sit here for months, watching new discoveries. Then he flew away, wiping his eyes with a handkerchief, because he would miss them very much. And once, he got into the magical world, they confused the mole with a glass and kissed him on the mouth, trying to drink wine. The mole also does not like magic anymore. He almost choked, and something flew in his stomach. It was anthrax. If you start an ulcer, a “stranger” could grow. I had to tinker and fly into the future for a cure. Hire the Terminator and Predator to escort you to other worlds. the mole could sit here for months, watching new discoveries. Then he flew away, wiping his eyes with a handkerchief, because he would miss them very much. And once, he got into the magical world, they confused the mole with a glass and kissed him on the mouth, trying to drink wine. The mole also does not like magic anymore. He almost choked, and something flew in his stomach. It was anthrax. If you start an ulcer, a “stranger” could grow. I had to tinker and fly into the future for a cure. Hire the Terminator and Predator to escort you to other worlds. the mole could sit here for months, watching new discoveries. Then he flew away, wiping his eyes with a handkerchief, because he would miss them very much. And once, he got into the magical world, they confused the mole with a glass and kissed him on the mouth, trying to drink wine. The mole also does not like magic anymore. He almost choked, and something flew in his stomach. It was anthrax. If you start an ulcer, a “stranger” could grow. I had to tinker and fly into the future for a cure. Hire the Terminator and Predator to escort you to other worlds. If you start an ulcer, a “stranger” could grow. I had to tinker and fly into the future for a cure. Hire the Terminator and Predator to escort you to other worlds. If you start an ulcer, a “stranger” could grow. I had to tinker and fly into the future for a cure. Hire the Terminator and Predator to escort you to other worlds.

But the Gorgon, already seven years retired, the snakes have withered, covered with dust, withering, no strength. But that’s not the point. Here she has a bed, she left the room where she stands a long time ago, but everything is not just like that, you understand. Little people live in that bed, if you can’t see them that way, but if you zoom in through a microscope, a hundred thousand people are running around there, with maps and tools, building houses, inventing rockets and airplanes, building machines and firms. Once the Gorgon slept here, but at one fine moment, something began to prick her in the side. Something stuck on her. She got up, believe it or not, and noticed some kind of needle. I tried to pull it out, the whole bed was raised. And it turned out to be a skyscraper of these people. Up to the sky. How and who built it, there is no idea, but Gorgon feels that the magic of the great sorcerers and black druids is involved here. One of them just once disarmed her. People themselves do not yet fully understand where they are and who they are. But they are developing. For them, the whole bed is a huge galaxy. Someday they will definitely break out of there or create magnifying rays, but then, all of you are praying here, there are millions of them, or maybe trillions, if they become large, Saturn will not be enough for them. Therefore, the Gorgon keeps the room closed, you never know, albeit cramped, but not offended. What tightness can we talk about, by the way, when they do not even know about the existence of this world. He sprinkles them with salt so that they do not deteriorate, and sometimes he throws memes into the room so that development ceases to be. Someday they will definitely break out of there or create magnifying rays, but then, all of you are praying here, there are millions of them, or maybe trillions, if they become large, Saturn will not be enough for them. Therefore, the Gorgon keeps the room closed, you never know, albeit cramped, but not offended. What tightness can we talk about, by the way, when they do not even know about the existence of this world. He sprinkles them with salt so that they do not deteriorate, and sometimes he throws memes into the room so that development ceases to be. Someday they will definitely break out of there or create magnifying rays, but then, all of you are praying here, there are millions of them, or maybe trillions, if they become large, Saturn will not be enough for them. Therefore, the Gorgon keeps the room closed, you never know, albeit cramped, but not offended. What tightness can we talk about, by the way, when they do not even know about the existence of this world. He sprinkles them with salt so that they do not deteriorate, and sometimes he throws memes into the room so that development ceases to be.

Here Pinocchio, once, for the sake of all good things, noticed that, taking scissors in his hands and playing with him just like that, he breaks the matter of time and space. The frail boy did not immediately notice this, only partly due to the fact that he saw the whole of reality. Sheets and rolls of space fell into his lap, torn and crumbled in the air, and he realized that the air was not air. That all the air is actually the universe, but someone else’s it, those who lived in it. The planets crashed against the waves, rolled out of their orbits and flew down into his lap. That is why the inhabitants of those galaxies and planets also died. The boy no longer cuts the air with scissors, but looks for people, looking at the air, in order to save them and transfer them to a flask where no one will cut them. But the air was endless, and the unknown galaxy, even more. He breathed them. Of course, for those residents until they die and are sucked into the boy, many million years will pass, but still, it’s bad to die, as Pinocchio believed. And then he stopped trying. Everything was arranged in such a way that it was so. And saving is not his task. After all, someone is also breathing them right now, and someone is also cutting their universe with scissors. He thought about it for a long time, that he fell out of the world and ended up in a mental hospital for his stupid theories. But here there was room for him. By swallowing sedatives, he could communicate with people from that planet. They looked at him and were surprised, asked questions, and the boy answered. Everyone around thought he was crazy, and he was the simplest boy who was just the first to see that world. When asked what he sees, he answered universes, time and space. You’re lying, they answered him, but he doesn’t, look, the boy repeated. The nose didn’t grow. He definitely didn’t cheat. But people did not know that his nose grew from lying. So the boy lives there until now. Rotting. Doctors pour water on him to keep him from lying, and he couldn’t tell the truth, which was the truth. For the truth, he was watered even more. The boards on the leg immediately swelled, an allergic reaction of Pinocchio’s body began. He began to age and wrinkle, rot, turning into dust.

The penguin scratched the back of his head and jumped down. The clouds are fluffy, like I don’t know what, they haven’t come up with such a word yet. The penguin brushed his hair back, climbed out of the water, played with the muscles on his chest, and winked at the seagull that he was free at any time if she wanted to have some fun. The seagull didn’t mind, of course. The bird also loved to fly, but today it ate a lot of fish to fly. The penguin gave a disdainful look and dived back until he ran into a shark. The shark wore glasses and taught fish, jellyfish, skates, rays new rules of arithmetic. When she saw the penguin, she waved her flipper and said to wait. Approaching the winged bird, she coughed up the South Ocean crucian, and the penguin, patting her on the back, swam away.

Thor drank ale at three o’clock in the morning. This happens after a long fight with the condors from the cave of Triaascal. Condors are not less than ten meters, the beak is made of diamond, the stomach is made of titanium, and the wingspan reaches forty meters. Thor fought with him for a long time, until one of them offered a draw, that was the condor, but Thor, he, after all, a god, cannot draw with the monster, therefore he deceived him, saying well, and hit him in his most vulnerable place fist, on the little finger on the right leg. From pain, his beak crumbled, his titanium belly flattened out, and his wings fell off, and he became a plucked chicken.

Here, among other things, on this peach, of course, people also lived, well, how could it be without them. Magic has no place to be without them, after all, for their sake, it was created. Only now, science has long passed and managed to penetrate into the minds of many inhabitants of the planet that magic, in fact, was not necessary in order to be able to control everyone on earth. With one bomb, a person could kill pointwise any, let’s say, one species. They set the timers of small nano atoms to look like an animal, and all these atoms found any kind, wherever they lived, passed through walls, universes, water, found all, of course, earthly ones, and tore them apart from the inside with an explosion. Therefore, the monsters themselves did not go out against these monsters, and even the gods, whom people considered immortal, turned out to be mortal when Athena died from such a bomb, when she decided to kill the president of the land. Since then, here, every man for himself. Such are the things. Going through this topic does not make any sense at all, you have known them for a long time, you are people yourself, and you yourself have seen those devices for a long time. Truly deadly and scary.

Among other things, in this world, the land where such beautiful creatures live, well, it can’t be otherwise, I think there are even more amazing monsters – these are jellyfish that play golf sitting on Jupiter, play with the moons, I don’t know what, trying to hit white holes, holes in space. But after all, the moons must always be in their places, in their universes, only because they are white, and not others, so that through the black ones they can fall back under their paws and tentacles. Oh, these jellyfish, there is no use for them, but if you notice, trouble will happen, you will sting, you will die immediately, they throw the planets high up, maybe down, who knows, space never had directions, and they throw them into the hole, with a tentacle strike. Planets, moons, they all roll across the field, and then they are grabbed by tiny, but equally agile lemurs, they throw them into the ring of Saturn, playing basketball, And how happy they are when they hit. They beat each other for joy. Those planets quickly return back, rolling into place, like on a pool table, and, of course, it happens that lemurs are greedy, jellyfish have to fight with them on their fists. Of course, there can be no talk of any jellyfish fists. It could not, but here everything is arranged differently, alas, because the jellyfish itself, if you look, has a real fist. One blow is enough, it used to be for a lemur to die. there is a real fist. One blow is enough, it used to be for a lemur to die. there is a real fist. One blow is enough, it used to be for a lemur to die.

In the kitchen, in a house on the outskirts of the forest, a guy was sitting, an ordinary person, but he had kilograms of sweets in his closet. Only these sweets were not at all simple, but magical. Anyone who ate them immediately became a robot. And all because demons lived inside sweets, they seduced and invited people to eat them, and then they themselves ate people from the inside, built real mechanisms, frames there, and turned human skin into a robot. As real, there are legends that even the robot itself does not know that he is a robot, because the memories are alive. In a small box, the demons store the brain, protect it, and, depending on the need, rebuild it and introduce their memories. It happens that they go to hell in this body to assure people that there is a way out, to give them hope, and then, insidiously and cruelly, speak the truth, showing themselves. Immediately the man suffered even more,

In Siberia, well, where else could they be, if not there, lived snowmen the size of a mountain. And the Yeti lived with them there, a huge enormous hairy man, there was only hair on the body, only two eyes and sticking out, glowing under the moon. They played building house with the snowman and threw lances. The peaks reached, almost to the height of a tree near the mountain, and, only as tall as a car, a Yeti. They rushed like this until the morning came, and in the morning, of course, they always slept so that people would not notice them. When you look from below, you can see two huge caves, these are not caves at all, but the eyes of the mountain, but people do not see all this, because the mountain knows how to hide itself very well. Yeti, in order not to get caught, will dig out a norm for himself in the snow, climb into it, and sleep until evening, and wake up from the cold. He raises his head, and there is a blizzard. It hits him from side to side like a European flag, and he is holding on to a Christmas tree, and yelling at the mountain to give a hand, but the mountain is much larger, does not hear, the snow has laid his ears. So the Yeti flew far, far away, made a circle around the mountain seven times, and fell again into the snow. He used to fly across the sky, Crows and Penguins would fly in, sit on his back, and sleep while he was flying. And once, it was two or three days, a huge sea turtle crawled out from under the water, and shouted to the Crows to tie a rope to the Yeti. And the turtle flew from below, because it also always dreamed of flying, only it was very big, and therefore sometimes jumped up to overcome at least a hundred meters. Because the Yeti was a kite. He used to fly across the sky, Crows and Penguins would fly in, sit on his back, and sleep while he was flying. And once, it was two or three days, a huge sea turtle crawled out from under the water, and shouted to the Crows to tie a rope to the Yeti. And the turtle flew from below, because it also always dreamed of flying, only it was very big, and therefore sometimes jumped up to overcome at least a hundred meters. Because the Yeti was a kite. He used to fly across the sky, Crows and Penguins would fly in, sit on his back, and sleep while he was flying. And once, it was two or three days, a huge sea turtle crawled out from under the water, and shouted to the Crows to tie a rope to the Yeti. And the turtle flew from below, because it also always dreamed of flying, only it was very big, and therefore sometimes jumped up to overcome at least a hundred meters. Because the Yeti was a kite.

Dwarfs always said:

“It takes three gnomes to get a light bulb!” – but each of them tried, but their height was still not enough to the ceiling, – So ten! – but even ten did not reach the light bulb, and it was necessary to screw it in, so they called a man into the hut. The man helped, but leaving, he said:

– It’s good that you called me, you are too small, even together, you have a hundred thousand dollars.

Well, they gave him the gold of a leprechaun, and agreed on that. Thumbelina came, put two chairs, unscrewed the light bulb and said that warm light was needed here, for comfort.

Can you imagine how many stars there are in the sky, how a dragon floats across the galaxy, spewing marmalade from its mouth, how a rabbit flies in a balloon, singing Philip Kirkorov, and somewhere on Pluto, there lives a mosquito that can compose galaxies. The mosquito comes out onto the veranda, and, waving its trunk, begins to create new galaxies and planets. On one, a mosquito created giants that ate only small mushrooms, and on the other, a Hedgehog that could dance break dance and make ice out of sand. On its planet, the mosquito wanted nothing more than a tank of donated blood and a couple of secluded, dark places. But one day he got bored, he waved his magic trunk, created a cruiser and went to the created galaxy, only fell out of the cruiser along the way, because he forgot about the toothy pikes that swam through space and ate everything.

– What if everyone lives in a tea leaf? – the moth thought, eating out a fur coat with a friend, – Imagine that this is space, and planets are scattered there! There are butterflies, and flies, and lizards, even people!

– Marvelous! the friend agreed.

“Here, in a tea leaf,” he said, “the same Tim lives like you, a little moth, even smaller than you and me,” taking a leaf out of his pocket, “maybe he’s even your little clone, and also eats a fur coat, only a lot long years ago.

– Cool!

“And don’t say, but they don’t even know that it’s hot on the planet for them, because we boil them and eat them in a cup and teapot.

– Like this?

– You put it in the water, and everyone drowns there and dies. They swell, the planets become doughnuts, big as if they took water in their mouths.

– Ah, got it.

“Yeah, and I thought you were always stupid. Turns out you’re even dumber than I thought.

They ate, but Henry’s moth continued to occasionally examine the leaf, whispering to them that he saved their universe, and put it in his pocket. Then the closet opened and they flew out, but the fly swatter took them out and smeared them on the wall. So it happens, people often also missed a stop on buses, talking about something distant. So the moths did not notice the danger, only at the last moment. He became the last one.

Imagine a sock on the floor, stick your foot in, and there… but everything is in order. This sock is not at all ordinary, but a real magic sock. When a person puts them on, he immediately enters another world. There were werewolves and vampires, they are at war. Van Helsing also got here, from there he pulled out several werewolves, and they took over his world. But Helsing was the coolest of all, because he himself became one, returning to the past and being born a Lycan. He kept a secret within himself with the sign of Baphomet, which held back his rage and transformation. When the time came, he became a werewolf the size of a dachshund and flew south because there were no werewolves. They were not there, except that the magic was strange there. Climbing the highest mountain on Olympus, Helsing noticed that a new werewolf grows from every hair that falls out. He never wanted to be a father, but who chooses that was the purpose. They also need to be fed. Therefore, he raised more werewolves, and until they were formed, he gave children to eat for his children. Yes, they themselves could make children and eat. Children ate their children’s children. And Helsing decided that enough was enough from him, and flew back to the sock, climbed into the past and was born a man. Immediately all the werewolves perished on that mountain.

Freddy Krueger always had three sheets of drawings hanging in his room. He was afraid to pick them up, because there were other worlds behind the picture. One of them contained his fears, the most hidden ones. Spinners. He was always afraid to try to twist them on his finger, because the claws got in the way, and when they fell, Freddie’s lips twisted and he felt embarrassed, because even children knew how to twist them. Therefore, he began to kill the sleeping ones, until they learned how to twist them, disgracing him. There was plenty of fear. For example, Olga Buzova. When Kruger crawled towards her, trying to get into her head in her dream, he fell into purgatory, there was nothing but emptiness and longing. There were no dreams or thoughts. Even the memories were nowhere. Krueger huddled in a corner and cried, tore at himself the last hairs that had survived after the fire under the sole of his left foot, between the little finger and the ring finger. Purgatory didn’t answer. So it was before the creation of the big bang, nothing else. Also empty and lonely. In hope, by no means, who knows. But… Krueger began to see lights, it was his eyes that were looking for light in the darkness. Krueger himself tried to sleep, to see his dream, to get into his head, but he could not. It seemed to him that he closed his eyes, and someone kept them open. Freddy did not see him, and ran into the darkness screaming for rescue. But no matter how much he ran, someone kept holding his eyelids all the time and did not let him sleep. Buzova’s strength had no boundaries, Fredd had no control over her. This was a real prison. to get inside my head, but I couldn’t. It seemed to him that he closed his eyes, and someone kept them open. Freddy did not see him, and ran into the darkness screaming for rescue. But no matter how much he ran, someone kept holding his eyelids all the time and did not let him sleep. Buzova’s strength had no boundaries, Fredd had no control over her. This was a real prison. to get inside my head, but I couldn’t. It seemed to him that he closed his eyes, and someone kept them open. Freddy did not see him, and ran into the darkness screaming for rescue. But no matter how much he ran, someone kept holding his eyelids all the time and did not let him sleep. Buzova’s strength had no boundaries, Fredd had no control over her. This was a real prison.

Behind the second drawing was his least favorite lesson. Physics. He couldn’t understand what it meant to change the laws of the universe. The teacher told him that it was impossible to get into a dream, when Freddie began to tell his story, then he hit him with a pointer right in the eye, in the pupil, and Krueger immediately fell silent. And it happened that the teacher would grab a stool or a desk, and how he would hit Freddie on the back, so that all the teeth flew out to the floor, where obscene gnomes and tooth fairies converged.

Behind the third drawing was the most terrible fear, but also the most beloved dream of all the dreams in his world. Kruger feared him at the same time, but also loved him. If only no one saw it. This secret cannot be told, otherwise all the monsters in the world will take up arms against him, because there is one magical sound in the world that disarms all magical and formidable creatures. Even Krueger, reading it, became a baby, a coward and a stutterer. It was pierced with a trident, and it burned on fire for ten thousand years. Therefore, he would never want to open this drawing. Therefore, he sealed it with adhesive tape and electrical tape, nailed it on top with boards. Even the Dementors would have seemed like a joke, an ordinary sheet. He could, he got this sound from the god in his head, when he was distracted, if he opens the picture, god will see him, the sound will pierce the world, and all the spells will fall from everyone, even from him. God will have to create everyone from scratch. Certainly, Freddie would like to be the only such monster, magical, but no way. Hush hush…

Let’s get away from this Freddy, because other creatures have the coolest. The most amazing thing is that Gulliver, which he can have in principle, has a mirror in the room, which reduces the weight of a person. When you look at it, when you see yourself up to the chest, in reality, your lower half immediately disappears, moving into the mirror. And the mirror projects you from the mirror into reality, like a hologram. The weight of this miracle of the body, after all, has long been known, five micrograms. Gulliver is weighed every day on it, looking. It was then that Gulliver was captured by dwarfs and midgets, they covered the mirror with a veil, and Gulliver fell to the ground. He has only the upper half on the ground, and the weighty, lower one remains inside the mirror. Lilliputians beat him and beat him, because he doesn’t even have arms, everything is in the mirror, if he raised his hands when he looked, maybe the hands would be. When they get tired of beating the giant, when they eat all the food at home and rob him, steal gold and teaspoons, open the mirror and run away. The lower half flies out of the mirror and sticks to Gulliver. He gets up and starts stroking himself because it hurts. He had been beaten. He is angry, but he cannot find the midgets.