Kitabı oku: «Easy Way to Get And Stay Slim. Mindset For Weight Loss», sayfa 5
Rules for the group work
– Organization rules.
We’ll begin classes on time. It is very important. If you’re late, you’ll miss something, and that’s not good.
Your cell phones should be turned off. Even vibration signals are unacceptable. Purses, crawling on the table under vibration, can interrupt important psychological practice at the crucial moment.
Imagine, we are sitting here, concentrated, focused on some moment. Meditative music is playing. Suddenly.
Buzz-z-z-z-z! Someone’s purse is running to us, vibrating like a mad hare! You know, no matter how many times I remind to turn off the phones. Everybody says: “Certainly, we’ll turn them off.” But then we hear phone ringing!
– ☺
– Now let’s talk about safety.
First, there is the “Stop!” rule. If we hit where it hurts you, if you do not want to work at this problem right now, you have a right to say:
“Stop! I don’t want to discuss it!” And we stop talking about it.
There is one more thing: privacy. You can say anything you want about me, about the program, but everything you hear within these walls about each other (and we’ll talk about personal life, work, discuss various issues that you are eager to share with us) must stay here. Can we rely on one another? Everything said by participants about themselves or each other cannot leave this room. It shouldn’t be revealed to anyone else. Promise?
– It goes in one ear and out the other.
– Active involvement. So the first rule is so-called I-statement. Many people use to say all the time “we”, “we believe”, “we think”. “We” is a great cover for hiding thing that allows evading any responsibility. Let’s talk in the first person!
The next point. You can ask any question you want. Every unresolved issue leads to a lack of information, wrong actions, and wrong results.
The next rule is “swapping”. We will change seats after every class.
First, your main task is to sit by Victor for at least once.
– What about me? Will I stay in the same seat?
– ☺
– No, you will change your seat too. They say that those who are sitting closer to the leader of the group lose weight faster. That’s why we need constant swapping. ☺ What for?
We all want to gain results – and to change our life! Big changes start from the little ones.
It is desirable to make some changes in the kitchen too. You can buy new beautiful dishware, tablecloth, table napkins or plastic overlays; put some flowers on the table, hang new curtains. It’s important, as earlier you lead a different life in this kitchen. You had an eating behavior that led you to excess body weight. Now a new life begins!
Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:
In one research, scientists studied people who lost excess weight (the focus group included people weighing more than two hundred and sixty pounds who had several weight loss experiences) and maintained achieved weight for at least two years. The researchers tried to understand what all these people had in common. What helped them to lose weight successfully? As it turned out, all the people believed that they would finally achieve their goal this time. Secondly, everyone faced changes in life. Some of them married, divorced or changed career. The others moved or renovated their house. Everybody who lost weight successfully faced not only internal changes but external changes as well.
Group session of psychologist
Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:
– Another rule. Let’s speak in turn. When I take the floor, I speak. When you take the floor, you speak. When five people are talking at the same time, no one is listening. We are here not to make noise to wake the dead. Do you accept the rules?
Yes!
Communication with a problematic person
Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science
Nonconstructive methods can be used in communication if a person hasn’t got any problems. But this doesn’t occur often. A person often does not realize that he has some kind of problem! He believes that he is always late because of some embarrassing chain of events. If he is overweight, this it’s caused by bad genes. The person has no willpower to reduce food consumption and give up unhealthy habits. He blames the disruption of the endocrine system and anything else – except himself. As usual, this problem does not bother him. But when it affects others, they are trying to the point that to him in every possible way. People begin to use the following communication patterns, which ultimately do not lead to an awareness of the problem. If there is no awareness, then there is no solution, either.
The following are the methods of communication that we use in everyday life.
Nonconstructive methods of communication with a problematic person
1. Pushing a person to the independent solution of the problem:
– order;
– warning, threat;
– preaching;
– advice, proposals, interpretation;
– using logical arguments, lecturing.
2. Underlining of weaknesses and fails:
– criticism, accusation;
– the practice of naming and shaming;
– diagnosis, interpretation.
3. Attempt to improve well-being:
– praise, positive evaluation;
– consolation, encouragement.
4. Wrong questions:
– questions to gather additional information;
– questions to get away from the problem.
There are constructive means of conducting a conversation. They allow us to hear the person and understand his problem. The one who can listen is the best talker. These methods are presented below. We will learn to listen to each other and ourselves during our session.
Constructive methods of communication with a problematic person
1. Passive listening:
– keeping silence;
– empathic approval (“Uh-huh,” “Yeah, I understand,” nodding);
– “Gate-opening” (“Your story was so interesting. Would you mind to tell me something else?”).
2. Active listening:
pronouncing (the interlocutor repeats word for word statement of the partner. However, he can start with introductory phrases:
“From what I understand…”, “In other words…”, “In your opinion…”);
– paraphrasing (the interlocutor reproduces the statement of the partner in short, generalized form, summarizing the most significant things in his words. He can start with introductory phrases: “As I understood, your main ideas are…”, “So…”);
– the interlocutor tries to derive a logical consequence from the statements of the partner or to put forward an assumption regarding the reasons for the statement of the partner. At the same time, he can begin with an introductory phrase (“If we proceed from what you said, then it turns out that…”, “Apparently, you think so because…”).
Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs I was very lucky with the group. There were only nine of us, as it was a morning group. I felt like a part of the team. There was a pleasant and comfortable atmosphere. The others were very understanding. I was finally able to talk about things that bothered me. I listened to others and realized that I was not the only one in the world facing this problem. We’ve got everything in the class: laughter, tears, and interesting discussions. I went out inspired, charged with a lot of positive energy. That’s when I understood: “I can do it!”
Things leading to eating disorder
– Now we’ll discuss the following topic: “The typical scheme of eating disorder.”
– Should we write it down?
– Yes. You have to write it down. To make the explanation more entertaining, I’ll tell you a fairy-tale. Once good people told me a fairy-tale. Now I tell it from time to time at my sessions. It’s a story about a woman. Would you mind it, Victor?
– Me? No!
– Fine. So, it’s a fairy-tale about a woman. She is not twenty. She is not sixty… How old is she?
– Forty.
– OK. Forty. Fine. Her name was Zina. Has she got a family?
– Of course.
– It’s a nice fairy-tale. Husband and children?
– If the tale is nice, then she’s got all of them.
– Yes, she’s got a husband and children.
– ☺
– Who knows?
– So, Ksenya has got another idea: “Why are you so sure that the fairy-tale is kind-hearted if the woman has got a husband?” You should see Victor’s face now.☺
– ☺
– OK. She’s got a husband. How many children?
– Two.
– A couple of kids. What about pets? Cats or dogs?
– A cat.
– Sure.
– A cat. No dog. Right?
– ☺
– Right.
– No dog. So, the woman has got a cat, two children, and a husband. By the way, he is at the end of the list for some reason.
– ☺
– What does she do for a living?
– She is an accountant.
– Accountant as an option. Let’s generalize it. She works in the office. You know, there is a catchword “manager”, a person that you can find in every office.
– A manager.
– Yes, exactly. “A white-collar worker”. She is a manager. Has she got some excess weight at forty?
– Certainly.
– Of course, she gave birth to two kids.
Once, when the woman was cleaning her apartment, in some far corner, or maybe under a cabinet, she found something. Zina took it out, wiped the dust off. The last time she saw it was six months ago. It was her who pushed it under the cabinet in a fit of temper. A small tool on four legs.
– A weight scale?
– Yes. Zina puts it in front of her, on the floor. She wonders whether her weight has changed for the last six months. Zina feels in her heart that things go wrong.
– …and pushes the scale back under the cabinet…
– No, she doesn’t! She decides to check her weight with the scale.
Zina stands on scales measuring her weight and sees.
– Oh, I can imagine that…
– Just like in the song: “Amber saw the three-figure number”.
– ☺
– Did you watch the official video for the song?
– ☺
– It’s an amazing song. What’s its name? Let me check.
– “She stands on a scale”.
– Yes, precisely. It’s “She stands on a scale” song. If you haven’t watched it yet, search for it on Google. It’s really amazing. It’s a bit obscene, though.
– ☺
– Well, Zina stands on a scale and finds out that she gained twenty pounds. What does she think about it?
– It might be a mistake.
– Certainly! Perhaps the scale is out of order.
It’s dirty, dusty.
– Or she overate yesterday.
– Yeah, exactly! Besides, her clothes may be too heavy, right? Are your clothes heavy usually? Of course. Maybe Zina hasn’t gone for a dump yet.
– ☺
– …or hasn’t washed away all the make-up.
– So, she didn’t gain any weight. ☺
– Yes! Although it’s a bit upsetting, Zina forgot about it soon enough.
Another year passes by.
Zina stands on the scale again and finds out that she has gained another twenty pounds. Forty pounds in total. For illustrative purposes, I’ll demonstrate what it means when you gain forty pounds. Look at the corner of the room, please. Do you see the vessel for a water dispenser? Nineteen liters and a container. It weighs forty pounds or so.
Imagine that it’s not water, but fat plashing there.
The adipose tissue is riddled with blood and lymphatic vessels. The heart is beating, trying to push the blood through these numerous miles of capillary vessels. Your heart, joints, and spine are overloaded. To make it clearer, you carry the load on your shoulders. It is heavy. And this is how Zina walks now. She sleeps with the load, lays with it in the bed. Zina wakes up in the morning, cleans her teeth, takes a shower, goes to the kitchen, feeds her family, does all the chores, and then… Where does she go then? To the office. She works there all day long, running in and out. And the “heavy load” – her excess weight – accompanies her everywhere. She settled all the issues, typed on her computer, talked by phone. Finally, her working day is over. Where does Zina go then?
– She goes home.
– I wish she did. But she goes to a store at first.
– And she leaves it with numerous packets.
– Of course, she has bags full of food. Now imagine that a woman has more than one “bottle” on her shoulders. What if she has two bottles weighing forty pounds each?
She comes home. Her hands are full, so she opens the door with her forehead somehow. Ups, the family is already there waiting for her.
– ☺
– …screaming: “We are hungry!” She goes to the kitchen, bakes, boils, steams foods, helps children with homework. Then, late at night, Zina makes love with her husband. With this bottle on her shoulders. Then she goes to bed. She sleeps, and her body is getting bigger and bigger. In your opinion, what does Zina have to do to lose excess weight?
– She has to put away this load!
– The most important question is if she needs the willpower to get things done.
– Of course.
– She certainly needs the willpower to hold this heavy bottle all day long.
You can’t imagine how much strength and will I need to hold this forty-pound bottle on my shoulders for such a long time while standing in front of you and telling the story!
Finally, I feel something… What do I need to get rid of it?
– Motivation.
– Desire.
– Desire! Oh yeah, I’ve got a strong desire already!
So, I do this – pow! I throw it off!
As long as you have a strong desire, there is no need for willpower. Everything you need is “know-how” and a strong desire!
Yay! Diet starts on monday!
– So, Zina decides that a revolution is coming, since elites can’t, and people don’t want to.
“I don’t want to hold this bottle on my shoulders anymore! I have to work off the excess weight!”
The easiest way is to go on a diet. Zina downloads from the Internet another diet. As a rule, it says that it’s the best way to drop excess weight, totally proven and reliable. Zina decides to try it. How does she usually go on a diet? The schedule is like that: a few days on a diet, then some yummy treats, another day on a diet, and then another “rest”. When do you usually start a new diet?
– On Monday!
– Why on Monday?
– Because the weekend is over. During the weekend, there are always guests, cooking, foods, yummy treats…
– Two days of food paradise. On Saturday and on Sunday we meet up with friends, throw a party. Food-farewell ceremony! On Sunday, in the evening, Zina washes the dishes, eats up leftovers, and goes to bed. Then she wakes up on Monday morning. What does she feel?
– It’s so hard to get up.
– What does she feel during the first four hours?
– She’s hungry.
– Imagine these first hours of a diet. Your mood?
– Low.
– The low mood will come a bit later. But at first, in the beginning, you feel…
– Inspired!
– Yes! It’s over, “slim” life is so close! Soon I’ll become a fantastic slim beauty!
Zina is excited, inspired. Will she eat her breakfast?
– No, of course not.
– Precisely. What for? Breakfast? A cup of coffee at the most, and then she runs to work. Zina came to work, and then she faces the first enticement.
– Her colleagues are having tea.
– Coffee.
– Exactly. Everybody drinks tea! It’s Monday morning.
– Chocolates.
– Yes. Besides, everyone brought some yummy things from home. They all sit at the table. Zina is an active, outgoing, and fun-loving person. They say: “Hi, Zina! You should join us. Come on!” But she has a new life now! What will she say?
– OK, give me something yummy! ☺
– No, she is a strong-willed person. Do you remember about the heavy forty-pound bottle on her shoulders? Certainly, Zina can be far too reckless and tell her colleagues: “I am on a diet.” She’ll make a mysterious face and says: “I am on a diet. I am not like you anymore!” What response will she get?
– Everyone will pay attention to her. They will tempt poor Zina with yummy things.
– “You can start your diet tomorrow. Here, get some tea!”
– And it repeats again and again, every day when she comes to work. Once Zina comes to the office. Her colleagues are eating some desserts again: “Yum! Oh, so sorry for you, you can’t try it. You are our slim girl! Just mind your own business and stay away from our desserts”.
– ☺
– Of course, she will give up in a while. Let’s assume that Zina understands it very well. “I should better keep my diet in secret. I’ll tell them…” What? What can we say in such a case?
– I’ve just eaten.
– “I’ve just eaten… I had a tough weekend. You have no idea how hard it was! I feel sick. My stomach hurts. I guess I’ve got food poisoning!”
So, she got off the hook. Zina is fine until lunchtime. What does she feel then?
– Hunger.
– Hunger. She is so hungry that it’s impossible to ignore it. Thus, the woman makes a decision: “OK, I go to the canteen.”
– I’ll eat some low-calorie dishes.
– Yes. All the other people will have soup, a main course, salad, dessert as usual. As for me, I’ll have a vegetable salad and a drink. What can you drink when losing weight?
– Some water, for example.
– Green tea.
– Think again. What helps to lose weight?
– Coffee.
– Purgative.
– What goes well with fresh salad leaves?
– Salad oil.
– What can you find in any canteen? Drink.
– May be yogurt?
– Precisely! Zina ate herbs and covered it with some yogurt.
– ☺
– Then, while everyone returns to the office, she runs straight to the ‘throne room’. She spends a lot of time there, getting slimmer and slimmer.
– ☺
– Zina thinks: “Well, I guess everything is going fine.” Five minutes – normal flight, ten minutes – normal flight. OK, she’s done. It was a hard day in the office. She needs some encouragement. Zina sees a large mirror in the toilet room. She comes closer and checks for some signs of a weight loss.
– ☺
– Yeah, her cheeks are getting smaller. Ass looks firm. You can easily convince yourself of anything if you need some support!
Then Zina returns to work. So, in the evening she is super-hungry!
Zina goes to a store. She has no choice. Her hungry children, hungry husband, and hungry cat are waiting for her at home. So, of course, Zina goes to a store. What does she do because of her hunger?
– She buys everything she sees!
– She eats everything!
– Have you ever seen snowplow? A huge shovel sweeping snow. She is just like this snowplow, sweeping all foods from shelves! Of course, she ignores a small basket. She takes a huge cart and fills it with food. It’s not for her. It’s for them! For her hungry family!
– ☺
– On the small shelf in the cart, where people use to seat a child, Zina puts low-calorie sugar-free yogurt, laminaria, some crisp-breads marked as… Any ideas, Lena?
– “Dietetic”.
– Yes. Or maybe “Fitness”. “Healthy”.
– Yes.
– Really? Eat crisp-breads and lose weight. What else will she choose? Perhaps, some tropical fruits?
– Pineapples.
– Pineapples? Why, Nadezhda?
– They are burning fat.
– Of course, everyone knows that pineapples contain bromelain. Do you know what part of pineapple contains bromelain?
– Yes, pineapple peels.
– There are scales on the peel and small buds on the ends of the scales.
– ☺
– Yeah, they contain bromelain. To get at least one therapeutic dose of bromelain, you have to cut buds from twenty-five pineapples. If you see nibbled pineapples in a supermarket, perhaps Zina was there.
– ☺
– Finally, she is almost at home with all these packets, heads to the fourth floor to her apartment. She stands by the door, breathing hard. Zina doesn’t really want to get inside. As soon as she entered, all the family members run straight to her and ask: “Where were you?” Even the hungry cat is looking at her with reproachful eyes. Zina drops her bags and runs to the kitchen – to cook dinner! She slices cucumbers for salad. Zina cuts off both ends of the cucumber and puts them into her mouth.
– ☺
– Then she slices tomatoes, sausages.
– And takes a few bites.
– It’s hard to slice sausages nicely. Many slices get crooked.
– ☺
– It’s not good to put imperfect slices on the plate for family dinner. Put it into mouth! Can we feed our hunger by eating a few pieces?
– No!
– Certainly not! Finally, Zina laid the table. She fried hamburgers, potatoes, made salads. She called her husband, children. Even the cat got some yummy pieces. What about Zina? She’s got a peeled carrot and sugar-free yogurt. If it worked out in the daytime, then it should help her to feel satiety again!
Now, let’s do out fairy-tale a bit cruel. Her husband is skinny. And children are just like their Daddy!
– ☺
– So, they all come to the kitchen, sit around the table, and say: “I want more potatoes! And another hamburger, please!” And then they cover their foods with mayonnaise. Children ask: “Do we have some ice-cream for dessert?” Zina looks at this feast, thinking: “Oh my God…”
The woman is so hungry that she is about to faint. The others sit at the table, eating. They are chewing so hard that their ears are moving!
What should she do?
Zina goes to the living room, turns on the TV, and watches series. Johanna, Peter, episode three hundred thirty-five. They meet in some restaurant for a romantic dinner! Orange juice, a slice of cheesecake. Food is everywhere!
Zina is watching series dreaming about the time when she becomes slim and beautiful, just like Johanna. At this moment, her husband enters the room. He sits down by her side. Even though he hasn’t brought any food with him, he smells like fried steak. The women’s sense of smell is significantly sharper than men’s! Her husband says: “Zina, give me the TV remote I want to watch…” What?
– Football!
– Of course. Or hockey championship, or something…
“Are you watching the movie? Who cares? Anyway, you have some chores to do. Give me the TV remote and go to your favorite room to wash dishes!” Sad Zina goes to the kitchen. What does she see there?
– Leftovers on plates!
– Of course! There should be at least half of hamburger on one plate, left to its fate. And some potatoes. Zina thinks of… Well, actually, she doesn’t think at all at this moment!
She just sees food.
What if it is not the first day of her diet? What if it is the twentieth day? No thoughts, only instincts. She hasn’t made any decision yet. Zina closes the door, turns on water. She has come here to wash the dishes.
– ☺
