Kitabı oku: «From Heartache To Forever / Melting The Trauma Doc's Heart», sayfa 4

CHAPTER FOUR

‘HOW’S TATTY?’

‘The dog is clingy. And needy. And playful. Endlessly playful. Not to mention greedy in the bedroom. I bought a six-foot-wide bed because I like space, and she’s claimed at least half of it.’

Beth suppressed a smile. ‘You could buy her a basket.’

He made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a snort, and rolled his head on his neck. It crunched and made her wince.

‘Ouch.’

‘Oh, it doesn’t hurt, it’s just stiff from hanging off the edge of the bed half the night. I met Ed Shackleton, by the way. We were out on the river wall by six this morning, and so was he, and he recognised her. He stopped me and introduced himself and asked how she was, so I told him. He laughed.’

He said it deadpan, but his lips were twitching and she had to bite hers. ‘He laughed?’

‘Yes. Apparently he thinks it’s funny. She and Molly made friends.’

‘Did you let her off the lead?’

A definite snort this time. ‘No. I have better things to do with my early morning than look for a dog that’s messed off and won’t come back.’

‘I thought she was clingy?’

‘Would you rely on that? Anyway, Ed said Annie could pick the dog up on her walk with Molly and take them both, and give her some lunch, so I gave him the key to the back door. At least I don’t have to worry about that today. So, what’s going on this morning?’ he asked, turning his attention back to the day job, and she ran through the weirdly short list of patients on the whiteboard.

‘That looks pretty quiet. Excellent. I might sneak off for a proper, decent coffee. I haven’t got my coffee-maker out of store yet—’

‘Adult trauma call, five minutes. Paediatric trauma call, five minutes.’

He tilted his head and glared at the speaker on the wall.

‘Seriously? I need a coffee first!’

She grinned at him. ‘Poor baby. You can get one later. Come on. Last one in Resus buys lunch.’

Lunch? What was that again?

He ignored his whinging stomach, and finally, sometime after three, there was a gap. An actual, time-for-a-break gap.

Hallelujah! He grinned at Beth.

‘Coming for lunch?’

‘Absolutely. And you’re buying.’

‘My pleasure. Let’s just get out of here before the red phone bursts into life again. Are you always this short-staffed?’

‘No, it’s the Easter holidays. Andy Gallagher’s technically only part-time, but he’s picked up a lot of the slack until you arrived and they’ve got five children, so he’s having time off in lieu now, and Sam Ryder’s wife’s sick so he’s off with the kids, and when Andy comes back James is off for a week. And two of the nurses with kids are off as well, so it’s worse than usual.’

‘I’m glad to hear it. I can’t imagine what it’s like at Christmas.’

She gave a slightly hysterical laugh and pushed open the café door.

‘Trust me, you don’t want to know.’

He picked up a tray and slid it along the counter, peering at the range of salads on offer. He really, really needed to do an internet food order—

‘So have you applied for the job yet?’

He rolled his eyes. ‘Et tu, Brute? I’ve had James on my case all morning.’

‘So, are you going to?’

He picked up a bowl of mixed salad, added a dollop of coronation chicken and dumped it on the tray with a bread roll and a banana. ‘I guess—if I ever have a minute. The dog’s taking up a lot of my time.’

She put her salad down on the tray beside his. ‘I thought you were going to rehome her?’

‘They’re full. All of them. I did some ringing round.’

‘Ah.’

‘Indeed. Black Americano, please, with an extra shot. Beth?’

‘Oh—skinny cappuccino, please. So what are you going to do?’

He stared blankly at the back of the barista. ‘Honestly? I don’t know. Technically, she’s not my problem.’

‘But?’

He laughed softly, took the coffees, picked up the tray and paid, then headed out into the park to find a table.

‘But?’ she repeated. She raised an eyebrow at him and waited, and he gave a resigned sigh.

‘What can I do? Dammit, Beth, the dog’s pregnant! I can’t just kick her out. That would make me no better than them. Oh, she was called Dolly, by the way.’

‘Dolly?’

He laughed. ‘Exactly my reaction. Anyone less like a doll… Tatty suits her a lot better, but according to Reg, the kids used to carry her around in their arms when she was a puppy.’

Her face crumpled slightly. ‘Oh, they must miss her.’

‘Yeah. I reckon she misses them, too. She keeps going into the other bedroom as if she’s looking for them. Whatever. I’m sure the rescue centre can find her a good family, when they’ve got room.’

He took a mouthful of food, but it stuck in his throat, lodged on top of a strange lump that had appeared. He swallowed hard, took a gulp of coffee and burnt his mouth.

Livvy Henderson smiled at them and walked past, waving at a man sitting at a table beyond them. He’d met the ED registrar last week when Beth had asked her about the house she’d rented, and he’d worked with her a couple of times since. He followed her with his eyes as she bent over and kissed the man, then sat beside him as he put his arm around her.

‘Who’s that with Livvy?’ he asked, pretending interest to change the subject.

‘Matt Hunter, consultant trauma surgeon. You’re bound to meet him. He’s her fiancé. They’re getting married in a few weeks—at our hotel, actually.’

His eyes flicked back to hers, then away again, his heart pounding as his mind was dragged back to their weekend.

‘Good venue,’ he said calmly. So much for changing the subject. Be careful what you wish for…

‘Yes, it is. Actually, there’s something I want to ask you. I’ve got an invitation to the evening do. I don’t suppose you fancy being my plus one? I don’t really want to go on my own, and I know you aren’t going to get any ideas if I ask you.’

He stifled a snort. He wasn’t so sure about that, especially not in the hotel that had so many X-rated memories. And besides, he thought most weddings were outrageously lavish, absurdly expensive and he’d never understood the need to squander that much money on what amounted to a party.

Not that Katie had agreed about that, but then it turned out that they hadn’t agreed on much. He’d been very clear that he didn’t want to get married or have children any time soon because he really wanted to work with Medicine For All, and he thought she’d understood. When he realised she’d stopped taking her contraception and was quietly planning a wedding, he’d put his foot down, and it had finally dawned on her that he wasn’t just saying it and she couldn’t talk him round, or talk him out of his plans to sign up with MFA.

She’d had a screaming fit, said she wouldn’t stay with him unless he backed down, so he said fine, told her to go and walked out.

Cue all kinds of fallout, underpinned by a certain amount of guilt, a tinge of regret and a huge sense of relief on his part when it turned out that she wasn’t yet pregnant. That was just before he’d started working with Beth, and why he’d wanted a no-strings non-relationship with her, something light-hearted and physical and without any kind of commitment from either of them.

So much for light-hearted, given their fated pregnancy and the emotional turmoil it had left in its wake. After his initial furious reaction that she’d done it on purpose, the way Katie had tried to, came the gut-wrenching knowledge that their baby was dying, which had tapped into something deep inside him, a paternal urge he hadn’t even known existed. Something he still, even now, couldn’t really understand and wasn’t sure he was ready for.

And going back to the hotel where it had all started wasn’t in any way on his agenda. Emotions aside, he was finding working with her distracting enough and his libido was running riot.

‘Are you sure there isn’t someone else you could go with? You know I don’t really do weddings.’

‘I take it that’s a no, then?’ she said, her voice light but her eyes guarded, with a tinge of hurt lurking in their depths.

Dammit. He gave up fighting. ‘When is it?’

‘Four and a bit weeks. The eleventh of May,’ she added softly, and he felt as if a bucket of ice had been tipped over him. ‘It’s—’

‘I know what day it is,’ he said gruffly.

Exactly two years to the day since Grace’s heart had stopped beating, and she’d been born the next day, the date engraved on the little silver heart. And on his, and Beth’s, too, he had no doubt.

Such bitter irony, that the wedding should be on that day, of all days, and in that venue, of all the venues they could have chosen.

How could he not go, just because he didn’t do weddings? Not even he was that selfish and self-centred.

He nodded. ‘OK. I’ll come. What’s the dress code?’

Not that it mattered a jot. He’d go in a bin bag if necessary, because there was no way he’d leave her alone on Grace’s anniversary, no matter how little he wanted to be there.

‘Black tie. Livvy wanted black tie because she said Matt looks so good in a DJ.’

He grunted, searching in his head for where the hell he might have stored his DJ. His mother’s wardrobe? There was still some stuff there. Or he could buy a new one. He was thinner now, the old one might not fit any more. Whatever, he had a month to sort it out.

‘Problem?’ she asked, her eyes troubled, and he smiled at her and shook his head.

‘No, Beth. It’s not a problem. I just can’t remember where I’ve put my DJ, but that’s fine. I’ve got time to sort it. Unlike the dog. I don’t know what to do about her. I can’t leave her alone and unfed all day while I’m at work, but I just feel stuck with her.’

‘I have an idea. Why don’t you ask Reg if he could pop in at lunchtimes and let her out and feed her, just until the rehoming place can take her? He seemed to have a bit of a soft spot for her.’

He looked at her thoughtfully. ‘Do you think he would?’

She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. He might. You could ask. And then you could stop worrying about her all day.’

‘I don’t.’

‘Liar.’

Could she actually see straight through him?

He ate his salad, drank his coffee and met her eyes again. ‘We need to get on.’

‘We do. What are you doing later?’

He laughed. ‘Walking the dog?’

‘Can I come?’

On the river path, over the stile where he’d kissed her that time? His heart crashed against his ribs in anticipation.

‘Yes, of course.’ Only this time he’d keep his hands to himself…

Beth put jeans and boots on, and drove round to Ryan’s. She could have walked, it was only about five minutes away, but she knew he’d be in a hurry, and when she pulled up on the drive they were already there waiting. And Tatty seemed ridiculously excited to see her again.

‘Hello, sweetie,’ she crooned gently, rubbing Tatty’s chest and earning herself a happy, doggy smile, and they set off across the lane through a gap in the hedge and along a footpath that led over the marshes to the river.

She fell into step beside him, their arms brushing as they walked. And somehow, she wasn’t sure how, her hand ended up firmly wrapped in his. She knew how it had got there—she’d slipped on some mud, and he’d grabbed her—but then he hadn’t let go, so they’d walked on, her fingers curled around his, his thumb over the top of hers, and every now and then it moved, a gentle, rhythmic stroke, or a little squeeze that made her feel warm inside.

They reached the river and went left, heading upriver for a while, then turned back towards the harbour nestled in the river mouth, retracing their steps as they had all that time ago.

He had to let go of her hand to steer Tatty round the stile, but then as she climbed over after him he held out his hand again, and their eyes met and held.

‘This is where you first kissed me,’ she said softly, and something hot and wild and a little dangerous to her peace of mind flickered in his eyes and was gone.

‘I know.’

And then he let her go, and turned on his heel and walked on, Tatty hanging back to wait for her as she jumped down off the stile and caught them up, her heart fizzing in her chest.

It was still there, whatever it was, simmering between them like molten lava, and she felt a sudden surge of regret for asking him to go with her to the wedding. It was bound to be unashamedly romantic and inevitably they’d be expected to dance, and that would only complicate things, although how they could get more complicated it was difficult to see. Maybe he’d pull out, because right now he couldn’t seem to get away from her fast enough.

He turned his head and looked at her, his expression neutral now. ‘Fancy going to the pub again for supper?’ he asked, and her eyes widened in surprise. She’d thought he was desperate to get home, but for some reason he wasn’t. Had she read him wrong?

‘What about Tatty? Will she behave?’

He shrugged. ‘We could give it a try. Ed said they’re dog-friendly, and I’ve got nothing at home because I still haven’t done an internet order and lunch seems like a long time ago.’

It did, and she didn’t have much food in her house, either. That had been a job for her way home, only her agenda had been hijacked again, by herself this time.

‘Sounds lovely,’ she said, summoning up a smile and wishing it didn’t feel like a date. Too complicating. Too much, too soon.

But it wasn’t a date and anyway she’d said yes now, so she followed him in, and they found a little table in the dog-friendly end of the bar, and Tatty lay down with her head on her paws and went to sleep.

‘She’s tired. I ought to take her to the vet and talk about this pregnancy.’

‘I thought you were going to rehome her?’

He shrugged, his mouth pulling down at the corners in a wry grimace. ‘I will, when I can. But in the meantime I need to know what to do for her.’

‘What, apart from letting her sleep on your bed and dominate your every waking moment?’

The wry grin turned into a chuckle. ‘That’s the one. Still, I talked to Reg when I got home and he seems happy to let her out and feed her in the middle of the day, so it’s not as urgent any more. Right, I’m starving. What are we going to eat?’

‘Coming in for coffee?’

Beth hesitated, but he had a slightly guilty look in his eyes, as if he had an ulterior motive.

‘I’d like your help,’ he added when she didn’t answer. ‘Again.’

‘With?’

‘My job application. The closing date’s Friday, and it’s already Wednesday, and it needs some serious work. I haven’t updated my CV recently, and—well, a lot’s changed. There’s all my aid stuff, and I’ve only got a basic CV for locum work. It’s not nearly adequate for a consultancy.’

‘So what do I know about it? It’s James you need to talk to. He’s so keen to have you he’ll probably write your application letter for you if you ask him.’

She knew there was no way he’d ask him, but she left it hanging, and he shrugged.

‘I think I can manage without doing that,’ he said drily. ‘And don’t worry if you’d rather not, I’ll be fine,’ he added, obviously reading the reluctance in her eyes, but she relented and smiled at him.

‘It’s all right, I’ll help you. You’ve bought me lunch and supper today, so it’s the least I can do—and anyway, I haven’t got anything else planned.’

‘Thank you.’ He returned her smile, opened the door and headed for the kitchen. ‘I need to feed the dog, then I’ll make some coffee.’

‘I thought you didn’t have coffee?’

He grinned at her. ‘I don’t, not bean to cup, at least, but I have got a cafetière and some ground coffee so I’m not entirely deprived.’

He disappeared into the pantry. ‘Stick the kettle on,’ he added over his shoulder, but she was already at the tap with it in her hand, staring across the marshes to the river path in the distance. She could just about make out the stile. Did he stand here looking at it like that?

Wondering how it had all happened, how something that was meant to be harmless fun had gone so wrong?

She put the kettle on its stand, her eyes drawn back to the stile, picked out on the horizon by the setting sun. There’d been a strange expression in his eyes today as he’d looked up at her on the stile, as if his feelings had bubbled close to the surface. She wondered what would happen if he set them free, and felt a shiver of anticipation.

‘Tatty, sit.’

She dragged her eyes off the stile and turned to see the dog obediently sitting, her eyes fixed on the bowl, tail lashing back and forth across the worn-out tiles.

‘Good girl,’ he said, putting it down and giving the dog a little pat, and then he straightened up and met her eyes.

‘What?’

Beth shrugged, suppressing a smile. ‘Nothing.’

‘I’m not going to be mean to her just because I can’t keep her.’

‘If you say so.’

He made that grunty, snorty noise that was becoming all too familiar as a punctuation point in their conversations, and then reached down two mugs and the cafetière, spooned coffee into the jug and poured water on it, releasing the aroma.

‘Oh, that smells good. It’ll probably keep me awake all night, though.’

‘Want to change your mind?’

‘No, I’ll just hate you all night instead.’

‘I’ll get some decaf for you,’ he promised with a chuckle, and picking up his coffee, he headed for the sitting room with Tatty in hot pursuit. He threw her off the sofa, sat down on one side and patted the other for Beth, pushed Tatty off again and opened his laptop.

‘Right. Let’s nail this CV.’

‘I’ve got an interview on Tuesday.’

Beth glanced up from her patient notes and grinned at him. ‘Well, there’s a surprise. Did you get a letter?’

He shook his head. ‘No. James just told me. They gave it a few days longer, but there’s only been one other serious applicant and James thinks he’s looking for a nice quiet seaside town to wind down into retirement.’

She felt her eyes widen. ‘He told you that?’

‘Off the record. Apparently he’s got more experience than me—well, on paper he has, I’m sure, as he’s older, but I’ve done a lot so maybe that’ll balance it.’

He had. She’d seen his CV—she’d practically written it for him a week ago—and it was packed with a huge variety of things he’d seen and done. He might not have great depth of experience, but he certainly had breadth.

Which meant he was in with a good chance of getting the consultancy.

Which meant she was in with a good chance of having him here, in Yoxburgh, for the foreseeable.

Did she want that? Even now, not quite two weeks into their new—no, not relationship. That sounded like something else, something they definitely didn’t have. Friendship, then. Two weeks into their new friendship, she still wasn’t sure if she could live with him so near. So near and yet so far?

No. Friendship didn’t say enough. They’d been friends before, but this—this was different. This was life after Grace, and that changed everything, every aspect of their interaction with each other.

It was broader than a friendship, deeper than a physical relationship, more complicated than an ex-relationship but without its depth. Although they’d certainly plumbed the depths in their grief, if not together. And then there was that kiss last week, and the sizzling look he’d given her last week by the stile—

‘Beth? Are you OK?’

She found a smile, contemplated lying and gave up. ‘I was just trying to work out what we are to each other.’

His answering smile was wry, with a wealth of sadness that made her want to weep. ‘I gave up trying to work that out days ago. I don’t think there is an accurate definition, but at the very least, we’re friends. Well, I hope we are.’

‘Of course we are.’

‘Good.’ He gave her a gentle hug, then let her go, leaving a tidal wave of emotions in his wake. ‘I’m needed in Resus. James had to do a thoracotomy in a field. Literally. A car overshot the junction, ripped through a barrier and cartwheeled down into a field. I gather it wasn’t pretty.’

She winced. ‘It doesn’t sound pretty. How on earth did that happen in broad daylight?’

‘I don’t know. The driver was dead at the scene. He might have had a heart attack or a stroke—who knows. I think this is the front seat passenger coming in. I’ll let you know more when I find out.’

‘Good luck with it. I’m off to sort out an ingrowing toenail.’

‘Sure you don’t want to delegate and come and help me?’

She smiled and gave him a push towards Resus. ‘Quite sure. I had enough of Resus at the weekend. Go on, shoo. I’ll see you later.’

‘Dinner at mine after a dog walk?’

She hesitated, and he frowned.

‘Tatty misses you. She hasn’t seen you for days.’

‘Three days. I saw her on Sunday evening.’

He smiled coaxingly. ‘That’s a long time in a short life and you’re on nights all over this coming weekend, so she’ll hardly see you then. If I’ve even still got her,’ he added in a blatant attempt at emotional blackmail, and she rolled her eyes.

‘Oh, all right, I’ll come for a dog walk and dinner—now go!’ He grinned, blew her a kiss and strode off, leaving her wondering how she’d given in so easily. And she’d been trying to keep him at a little more distance, too.

‘Weak.’

‘Who’s weak?’

‘Oh, hi, Livvy. Nobody. I’m just trying to work out how long I have to get an outfit for your wedding.’

‘More than a week! Try three and a half.’

‘Are you ready for it?’

She laughed. ‘Emotionally, yes. Are all my ducks in a row? Probably not! Still, I’ve got Mum on the case. She’ll pick up the slack, she always does. She throws the best parties. Did you want me to have a look at this ingrowing toenail? I hear it’s pretty horrendous.’

His furniture arrived that weekend, delivered from the storage unit where it had all been lurking for over two years, but he’d given up trying to manage without it, even though he’d only been offered an interview for the permanent post and might well not get it. Still, previous or not, he needed some of the things he’d had in store, and in between shifts he spent the entire weekend trying to work out where to put it all. Not that he was going to unpack everything. Not yet.

His study was the last thing he needed to worry about, because he’d need bookshelves for all the endless boxes of books and notes and paperwork, so he stashed all study-related stuff in that room together with other things that he simply didn’t need yet, if at all, and shut the door on it and tackled the rest.

That in itself was quite enough, and it was made worse by the fact that Beth had been working all weekend on nights, so he hadn’t even been able to enlist her help.

Not that that was fair. He’d asked enough of her as it was and she’d been more than generous, and anyway, he was beginning to think he was just using the house as an excuse to spend time with her, so he ploughed on alone. Safer that way, because working with her was becoming a bit of a minefield, the tension starting to build again as it had before, but sorting the house alone was getting very, very dull.

He was contemplating the mess and tearing his hair out when she breezed in early on Monday afternoon, all smiles and bearing a carrier bag. She delved into it and pulled out a cake, and suddenly everything seemed doable.

‘Oh, I love you,’ he said fervently, and all but snatched the cake out of her hands.

‘Hey! Where are you going with that?’

‘The top shelf of the pantry until we get round to it. I’ll make coffee first. My bean-to-cup machine arrived.’

‘I can see that. Are you assuming it still works after being in storage?’

He laughed again, ridiculously pleased to see her. ‘Are you kidding? It was the first thing I unpacked. It works—I’ve nearly worn it out in the last two days. So, what’s it to be? Cappuccino?’

She smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners and making him want to kiss her. ‘Definitely. Oh, and while I think about it, you’d better put this in the fridge for later.’

She delved into the bag again and pulled out a bottle of something fizzy. ‘I figured as you were properly moving in now and claiming it, at least for a while, we ought to christen it.’

‘Ah, Beth, you’re a sweetheart. Thank you! We’ll definitely have it later.’

He took it from her, stashed it in the fridge and pulled her into his arms for a brief hug, but she settled against his chest as if she belonged there, and it was a real struggle to let her go, because it just felt so right.

No. Don’t go there. Too messy, and you’ve done enough damage, and anyway, she doesn’t want you. He dropped his arms and stepped back.

‘Right. Coffee and cake in the garden, then I’ve got a job for you.’

‘You have? What a surprise. Go on, then, hit me with it.’

But she was smiling, so he relaxed and smiled back.

‘Pictures. I’m going to put my old bed together for the spare room so my mother can come and visit me sometime, and I want you to look through the pictures and work out where they need to go. Not all of them, just the odd one here and there to make it feel like home. But first, cake.’

He didn’t have a huge number of pictures, but there were a few she remembered, including one of a wild, rugged landscape that had hung over his bed, and it made her body tingle just to look at it.

How many times had they made love on the bed beneath it? Dozens, every one of them memorable. She put it to one side and sorted through the others, the less contentious ones. Or less evocative, at least, of their past, the pre-Grace period before he’d gone away for the first time, when their lovemaking was smoking hot and nothing else was taken seriously.

He’d made her laugh, made her gasp with ecstasy and weep with frustration, but always, always, he’d set her on fire. It had been the perfect antidote to Rick’s cheating and lying ways, and just what she’d needed. Intensely passionate, and yet light and frivolous—or it would have been if things hadn’t turned out the way they had, but the heat, the passion, was still there smouldering under the surface, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore.

‘I like this one,’ she said, turning her head when she heard him behind her, and he nodded, coming right up close to look over her shoulder at the painting.

‘I got it in a gallery in Cumbria when I was visiting my uncle shortly before he died, and I’ve never got round to hanging it. I just love the miles of flat sand and the distant sea. It all looks so harmless and peaceful, but look at the menace in the sky, and when that tide comes in…’

Like their relationship, which had seemed harmless enough, and would have been, if tragedy hadn’t intervened. She sucked in a breath and looked away.

‘Where do you want it?’

He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. On that wall, opposite the sofa?’

‘Go and hold it up, then, let me look at it.’

She sat on the sofa, instantly joined by Tatty, and her hand found the dog’s head and lay on it while she gave him directions.

‘Right a bit—down—OK, hold it there. Have you got a pencil?’

‘No. Come and take it from me and hold it here, and I’ll find one.’

She squeezed under his arm and took it from him, all too aware of his body against her back, the closeness of his head to hers, the soft whisper of his breath against her hair.

‘Stand back and have a look at it while you’re at it, but be quick, it’s heavy,’ she said over her shoulder.

‘Perfect. Right, keep still,’ he said, and leant in against her, his arm coming round her to mark the bottom of the picture.