Kitabı oku: «One Tiny Miracle», sayfa 8

Her lips tilted to a dreamy smile. “I mean before.”

“The cabin was here before Gramps built the ranch and we figured pioneers must have lived here long ago. At one time Gramps used it as a hunting cabin. But now he’d rather feed the deer than shoot them. And so do I.”

“Do you come here often?”

He shifted ever so slightly, and then she felt his lips brushing against the crown of her hair. It was such a sweet and loving contact that her throat suddenly stung with tears.

“No. The last time I was here was more than a year ago, when I learned that my mother had kept a secret life from me and my sister, Alexa.”

“I heard bits and pieces about that even before I returned to Hondo Valley. Knowing your lovely mother, it’s still hard for me to imagine her having another family that no one knew about.”

He sighed and Maura could only imagine what the ordeal with Frankie Cantrell had done to him. It hurt to think of him going through such emotional turmoil. Like her, everything he’d believed in had been ripped asunder and she knew firsthand the deep wounds that deception left behind.

“No one knew about her first marriage but my father,” he said lowly. “And he took the secret to his grave. Seems my parents decided that it would be too hard on Alexa and me to know that we had brothers in Texas, but couldn’t associate with them. You see, Mom’s first husband was abusive. She was forced to run from him and didn’t stop running until she reached Ruidoso. He must have been a real bastard. On the other hand there must have been some good in the man because my two half brothers are great guys.”

She smoothed her palm across his broad chest. “You get along with them?”

“Oh, sure. Why do you ask? Did you think I might resent them?”

“It would be only natural to feel resentment. Especially since Abe told me that your mother makes regular trips to Texas to see them.”

His hand lifted from her hip and then his fingers pushed into her long hair to lift the strands away from her cheek and neck.

“I’d never be jealous of that. Mac and Ripp have families and she needs to be a part of their lives. She missed out on so much. And Alexa lives there now, too. So she has plenty of reasons to go there often.”

“You ever get the itch to move closer to your siblings?” she asked thoughtfully.

“Move from New Mexico? Away from Gramps? Never. This land is a part of my soul. And Gramps is—well, ever since I’ve been big enough to walk, he’s been my hero.” With a throaty groan, he rolled her onto her back and poised his lips over hers. “Besides, if I moved to Texas, you’d have to come up here to the cabin by yourself. And that wouldn’t be any fun at all.”

No. Life without Quint would be boring and lonely, Maura thought. It was something she refused to think about. At least, for tonight.

“How lucky for me that you’re not a wanderer,” she murmured, then latching her fingers around the back of his neck, she pulled his head down to hers and closed the last bit of space between their lips.

Chapter Eight

Two weeks later Maura stared numbly across the desk at her sister. It was past the clinic’s normal working hours and the last of Bridget’s patients had left the building. All except Maura.

“What did you say?” Maura asked in a slow, dazed voice.

Her hands folded in front of her, Bridget leaned forward and in her no-nonsense manner, repeated, “I said you’re not suffering from an acid stomach. You’re going to have a baby. I’d say in about eight months from now.”

“A baby! How—how can … that be?”

Bridget smiled knowingly. “You meet a man, chemistry clicks and before you know it the two of you are too close for comfort.”

With a loud wail, Maura’s head shook back and forth. “That’s not what I mean! I’m talking about birth control! How did it fail? All those years with Gil—”

“Yeah. Thank God it didn’t fail with him,” Bridget muttered, then smiled at Maura as though she couldn’t be happier. “I suspect you unwittingly forgot a pill or two. Or it could be the dosage needs to be changed. In any case, do not take another one.”

Dropping her head in her hand, Maura struggled to think past the shock of the moment to the past month or two, before she’d fallen into bed with Quint Cantrell. “Now that I think about it, I did get fouled up for a few days. That’s when Dr. Weston was hounding me and I’d given the hospital notice to quit my job. I guess with all the stress I forgot to take a few pills. But I got back on schedule more than six weeks ago.”

Bridget shook her head. “Apparently the interruption was enough to give your reproductive organs a window of opportunity. And they took it.”

Oh, God. How was she going to explain this to Quint? How on earth was he going to react to the news that he was going to be a father?

Trembling now, she rose from the wooden chair and began to pace around the small space of Bridget’s office.

“Oh, Brita, this is unbelievable! What am I going to do?”

Bridget’s brows arched with faint surprise. “Why, Maura, there shouldn’t be a question with you. You’re going to have the baby.”

Stopping in her tracks, Maura bit back a yell of frustration. “Of course there’s no question about that! Every cell in my body loves and wants this baby. I was talking about the father! He—he is not going to be pleased. In fact, I figure he’s going to be outraged.”

Frowning with doubt, Bridget asked, “How do you know that? I’ve always thought of Quint as a sensible, responsible person. At least that’s how I always saw him in high school. ‘Course I can’t say much for him hanging on to that gold-digging Holly like he did. But I forgive him because he was young and it takes a man longer to wise up about life. I’ll bet after all this time he can see what a narrow escape he made with that witch.”

Stunned, Maura stared at her. “How did you know the father was Quint? I haven’t told you anything about seeing him and—”

A sly smile spread across Bridget’s face. “I’m not blind. I’m your sister. And I’ve been seeing the change in you since you went to work for old Abe. Then that night at the hospital, when Brady was there with the gunshot wound, I overheard you telling Dr. Weston, in no uncertain terms, to get lost and stay lost. I knew then that you’d finally woken up and come out of your shell. And I figured Quint had to be reason. Abe is certainly too old to bring about that sort of change in you.”

Groaning with embarrassment, Maura covered her face with her hands. “Oh, Lord, you must be thinking I’ve lost my mind. He’s so young and—”

“A hunk to boot,” Bridget finished for her, then let out a suggestive laugh. “I think for the first time ever, my sister has really blossomed into the woman she should be. And Maura, just think, you’re going to have a child! Finally! Oh, how I envy you!”

Completely dismayed, Maura walked back over to Bridget’s desk. “Envy me? Are you crazy? I’m divorced, single and pregnant. With a child whose father doesn’t love me. I’m sure you’d jump at the chance to trade places with me.”

Bridget shook her curly head. “How do you know Quint doesn’t love you? Has he told you that?”

Maura’s troubled gaze dropped to the floor. “No. But he doesn’t have to. What we have—it’s like you said a few moments ago. Just chemistry.”

“So you don’t love him, either? That’s strange because I just can’t imagine my big sister jumping into bed with a man she doesn’t care about. Really care about.”

Did she love Quint? For the past few weeks she’d been telling herself that her heart hadn’t taken that big of leap for the man, but deep down she had to admit she’d only been fooling herself. She was wild about him. Crazy about him. She couldn’t imagine life without him. If that meant she loved him, then she was definitely guilty.

“So maybe I do care about him,” she muttered. “Maybe I do love him. That doesn’t fix anything. He doesn’t love me back. And he sure as heck doesn’t want to get married.”

Sighing, Bridget reached for a prescription pad and began to scribble instructions on it. “Maura, you need to remember you’re not dealing with Gilbert anymore. Quint is a real man. Not a jerk.”

Standing, she moved around the desk and handed the scrap of paper to her sister. “Here’s a script for vitamins and something for your stomach. Take them all faithfully and try to eat right. Right now that little one’s most important parts are developing. We want him to be healthy whenever he gets here. Or maybe it’s a she,” Bridget added with a happy grin. “I can’t wait to see! Are you going to tell the family, or can I break the news?”

Maura’s mouth fell open. She’d not yet thought about her parents’ reaction to this news, or her other siblings. She’d always been the cautious, practical Donovan. Were they now going to see her as disgrace to the family?

“Don’t say anything just yet. I need a few days to come to terms with all of this and gather my wits about me. I’m not sure I can face anyone with the news right now. Especially Quint. And he needs to hear this first.”

A few minutes later as she left Bridget’s office, Maura began to doubt the wisdom of holding her secret for a few more days. The longer she held this sort of news from Quint, the worse it would make things. Especially if Bridget accidentally let it slip to her family and the information got back to him before Maura had a chance to speak with him.

The thought of confronting Quint with this sort of life-changing news was twisting her nerves into knots and yet in spite of that, she was euphoric, thrilled to her very toes at the idea of a tiny life growing inside of her.

For years now she’d had to push aside her desire for a child. And after the humiliating divorce with Gilbert, she’d practically crossed out the idea that she’d ever be a mother. But now a baby was actually growing inside of her. Quint’s baby! As far as she was concerned, it was a miraculous turn of events.

Nearly an hour later, when she parked in front of Abe’s house, her mind was still spinning as she tried to decide how to approach Quint.

This past Sunday, she’d had a brief phone call from him, explaining that he and Jake were leaving for Clovis on Monday morning and weren’t planning to be back until Wednesday, which was today. The trip was to purchase a special herd of cattle and haul them back to the Golden Spur. Calling him tonight wouldn’t be the wise thing to do, she decided, as she let herself into the house.

No doubt he’d be tired and could possibly still be out on the range, moving the cattle to their new location. When she talked to him about the baby, she wanted his undivided attention. Early in the morning, before he became too deeply involved in work, she’d call and suggest they meet somewhere private. He’d probably get the idea that she was calling to make a date for them to make love. And he’d be partly right, she thought wryly.

“Maura, is that you, honey?”

Maura turned from putting her purse away to see Abe entering the living room. The look of concern on his face troubled her even more than she was already. She was here to see after Abe’s health. Not the other way around. But several times this past week he’d caught her taking stomach medication instead of eating her breakfast and he’d pestered her until she’d promised to drive to town and visit the doctor.

Smoothing a hand over her hair, she wondered if she looked as unsettled as she felt. “I’m sorry I’m so late getting back, Abe. My sister was very busy and had to work me in as her last patient.”

“Hmmph,” he said with a snort. “You’d think being a relative you’d get special treatment.”

“Bridget always plays fair,” she said, then looked at him more closely. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Hell, yeah! Just worried about you.” He took her by the arm and led through the small hallway toward the kitchen. “I’ve fixed you a nice little supper and I want you to sit and eat.”

“Abe—”

“It’s soup and crackers and iced tea. It’ll soothe your stomach,” he insisted.

Her heart melted. Abe wasn’t a kitchen person. For him to take this much trouble for her was more than touching.

“Okay, I’ll try to eat a little,” she told him. “Let me go wash up and I’ll be right back.”

After a quick trip to the bathroom, Maura headed to the kitchen and found Abe at the cookstove. As she sidled up to him, he winked at her and she suddenly realized that no matter what happened with Quint, she would always have this man’s love. It was a comforting thought.

Stirring the broth and noodles, he explained, “Just giving the soup a little heat. Did that sister of yours give you something to fix your stomach?”

Maura let out a heavy breath. “Sort of.”

Scowling, he practically shouted, “What the hell does that mean? Can’t she fix an upset stomach? You need to eat. You’re lookin’ gaunt.”

Emotions clogged her throat and stung her eyes. She tried to push it all away, but it was like fighting a tidal wave. Joy and fear were carrying on a giant war inside of her and she didn’t know how to make the two emotions call a truce.

“I’ll be fine,” she said hoarsely. “It’s just going to take a while for me to get over this.”

Lying the spoon to one side, he thoughtfully ran his fingers down his drooping mustache, then cut his sharp gaze directly to her face.

“Why is that? You gonna have a baby?”

Maura gasped as warm color flooded her cheeks. “How did you guess?”

He grinned as though she’d just handed him a box of prized treasure. “My missus was pregnant twice. The first one she lost. The next one was Lewis. Both times she couldn’t eat and she had that look about her. The same one you have now.”

Maura’s hands flew to her face. “Oh, Abe,” she said with a tortured groan. “This is—I wasn’t expecting this to happen to me. And I’m so happy. But I’m scared, too. I don’t know what to think or what to do.”

Horrified that she was going to cry in front of the old man, she bent her head and desperately tried to blink away the tears. As she tried to collect herself, she felt Abe’s bony hands wrapping around her shoulders and pulling her into the circle of his arms.

“Maura, honey, this ain’t anything to cry about. This is a wonderful thing. Really wonderful.”

Resting her cheek against his shoulder, she sniffed. “You think so?”

Chuckles rumbled deep in his chest and the sound comforted Maura somewhat. If only Quint would react this way, she thought, then everything would be okay.

“God has blessed you. How can anything be bad about that?”

Lifting her head, she gave him a watery smile. “You’re right. Babies are a gift,” she agreed. “Even when they aren’t planned.”

“Now you’re talkin’ like my Maura girl.” Patting her back, he leaned forward and pecked a kiss on her cheek. “Congratulations!”

Maura was giving the old man a grateful hug, when out of the blue Quint’s voice sounded from across the room.

“Gramps? What—”

Turning away from Abe, she watched Quint saunter into the room. He looked tired and dusty and totally astounded as his squinted gaze vacillated between her and his grandfather.

Abe made a production of clearing his throat, then turned and switched off the fire beneath the copper saucepan.

“Looks like things are heated enough,” he said in an overly loud voice. “You’d better take care of things now, Maura. I’ve got a date with the poker table.”

The old man started out of the room, while a dumbfounded Quint stared after him. “Gramps! What are you doing? I—”

“Makin’ myself scarce. That’s what I’m doing,” Abe interrupted. Then pausing at the door, he scowled at his grandson. “Make yourself at home, son. You always do.”

Abe left the house, the screen door banging behind him. Quint immediately whirled on Maura for an explanation.

“What’s the matter with him? And why was he kissing you? And why do you look so—What’s happened around here?”

Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply and tried to compose herself. She wasn’t ready for this. She needed more time to make a plan, to think of the best way to tell him he was going to be a daddy. But the moment Quint had walked into the room, all time had been snatched away from her.

“Abe’s okay. He was trying to comfort me. Because. because—”

She couldn’t finish and Quint crossed the room to where she stood, only to stop in his tracks when he spotted the damp trail of tears on her cheeks.

“You’ve been crying!” he exclaimed. “What’s happened? Brady? He’s not been wounded again, has he?”

Her stomach was fluttering, her heart racing madly. “No, my brother is fine. As far as I know everything with my family is okay. I’ve been a bit under the weather the past few days and—”

Uneasy now, he closed the last bit of space between them and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You didn’t sound ill whenever I called you Sunday evening. You didn’t mention anything to me then about being sick.”

“No. I didn’t know then what I know now.”

A puzzled frown wrinkled his forehead. “You’re not making sense.”

Quint watched her wipe a shaky hand over her face and then she wrapped a hand around his arm and urged him toward the table. Like a lost lamb, he followed, his heart sinking with each step he took.

“I’m feeling a little shaky,” she said. “While I explain, I need to sit. You need to sit.”

Explain what? he wondered wildly. That she had some sort of terminal disease? That her days were numbered? The mere idea that he might lose her for any reason shook him right down to the heels of his boots. How, when had this woman come to mean so much to him? How had he let it happen?

“Maura, are you seriously ill? Tell me—”

At the head of the small dining table, she practically pushed him down in the chair, then sank limply in the one next to him.

Quint reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly. He needed to hold on to her. He needed to reassure himself that she was still the same vibrant woman he’d made love to in the hunting cabin.

“Please, Quint, this is nothing to worry about,” she said quickly, trying to allay his fears. Then with a soft sigh she glanced to a spot across the room. “This is not the way I’d planned to do this. I wanted us to be in a nice, quiet place—somewhere special. I wanted you to be in a good mood and—”

“I am in a good mood. And Gramps’s kitchen has always been a special place to me.”

A faint smile touched her lips. “Maybe so. But you’re frowning and nervous,” she pointed out.

“Because you’re making me that way with all this dallying around!” he said in a raised voice. “And you still haven’t entirely explained why Gramps needed to comfort you with a kiss and a bear hug. Does he think that sort of stuff is going to heal you?”

Her nostrils flared and Quint could only think how beautiful she was when she was lying beneath him, her lips parted, her green eyes begging him to make love to her. He’d never had a woman who could weaken him with just a look. Until now.

“He wasn’t trying to heal me,” she said drolly. “He was congratulating me.”

Seeing she was trying to make light of things, he teased, “For what? Keeping those dizzy rocks out of his ears?”

“No!” she wailed. Then she heaved out a heavy breath and turned her green eyes directly on his searching gaze. “Because I’m going to have a baby.”

Quint didn’t know how it happened, but suddenly his chair was teetering backward and he was in danger of hitting the hard tiled floor.

After scrambling to right himself, he stared at her in stunned fascination. “A—baby! How can that be? Are you sure?”

Nodding, she looked at him, her expression grim. “My sister ran a test. It’s very accurate.”

Momentarily paralyzed with shock, he tried to form the questions rushing at him like a hail of bullets. A baby! Him, a father! It was incredible! “But it’s only been. It’s not been that long since we. And you said you were on the pill!”

She closed her eyes and as he watched her bosom rapidly rise and fall, it suddenly dawned on him that she’d been crying because of the baby. Did that mean she didn’t want it? That she’d told his grandfather about the pregnancy before she’d even bothered to tell him? Oh, God, what was going on in his lover’s head? And why did everything in the room seem to be spinning around him as though he were drunk?

“Nowadays medical tests can tell when a woman is only a few days pregnant. Bridget estimates I’m three to four weeks along. So that means our trip to Chillicothe produced more than just a rainstorm,” she said, then sucked in a deep breath and went on before Quint had time to digest half of her words. “As far as the birth control—that’s a little harder to explain.”

“Try.”

Her lips pursed as she raked her eyes over his face and Quint realized he wasn’t handling this in a sensitive enough way to suit her. But damn it, she’d shocked the hell out of him. And he wasn’t a flowery man. She might as well get used to that and a whole lot more. Because it looked like their lives were about to drastically change.

Rising from the chair, she began to wander aimlessly around the small kitchen. Quint’s gaze followed her slender figure while a wondrous sort of realization struck him. His baby was growing inside of her! A son. A daughter. And he wanted it as much as he wanted to draw his next breath.

She said, “A month before … uh … you and I … er … had sex, I got fouled up on my pill schedule. I didn’t miss any, but they weren’t taken in the proper succession. At the time I didn’t think much about it. I mean since Gil I haven’t been near a man. And when you … when we were together I’d long forgotten about getting out of sync with my pills.”

Something inside of Quint suddenly wanted to shout out a joyous hallelujah. Yet at the same time icy shards of fear were splintering through him. How could he be so mixed up? How could he feel happy and terrified at the same time?

When he finally spoke, the tightness of his throat made his voice hoarse. “I see. So you told Abe about the baby before you bothered to even tell me.”

Her pacing stopped and when she looked at him, her eyes flickered with uncertainty. What was she expecting him to do, throw a walleyed fit or something even more violent? The idea tore at him, made him realize that in spite of their lovemaking, she didn’t know him as a man. Not as he wanted her to know him.

“I didn’t run to Abe with the news, if that’s what you’re thinking,” she answered. “Before I ever went to see Bridget, Abe was aware that I’d been feeling poorly and he guessed I was pregnant. I could hardly lie and deny it, Quint.”

Rising to his feet, he went to her and gathered her hands in his. In spite of the connection, she continued to look up at him, her eyes searching, waiting, wanting. What was she expecting from him? And whatever it was, would he be able to give it to her?

“I should have known,” he said gently. “The old man seems to have an inside line to God.”

“Well—I can safely say your grandfather was happy about the news.” Her troubled gaze dropped to the middle of his chest. “But I feel very badly, Quint. It’s my fault that the birth control didn’t work. And me being a nurse, I should have known—remembered about the pills and realized there could be a problem. But I—Well, that day at Chillicothe I wasn’t thinking straight.”

And that day his mind had stopped working completely, Quint realized. Even if she’d told him there was a chance she might get pregnant, he would have made love to her anyway. He’d wanted her that much.

His fingers tightened around hers. “No one is at fault, Maura. We did this together.”

Her gaze lifted up to his and then a long breath eased out of her as though he’d just released a heavy yoke from around her neck. “Thank you, Quint,” she said lowly. “I didn’t want you to think. Well, I don’t want you to feel obligated or—or cornered. I mean, I’ll be happy for you to be all the father you want to be. But if you don’t, I’ll understand, too. After all, it’s not like.we’re madly in love or … engaged … or anything. And this all happened quite by accident.”

As Maura spoke there were so many emotions erupting inside Quint that he couldn’t describe any of them, much less understand why he was feeling them. The only thing he was able to disentangle from the messy turmoil was the sudden burst of anger shooting straight to the top of his head.

Dropping her hands, he repeated with cool amazement, “Cornered? Obligated? Do you realize how you sound? You’re talking about my child. Mine! Everything inside of me is now obligated to him or her. And hell, yes, I’m going to be all the father I want to be! As far as I’m concerned, there’s no questions or doubts as to what has to be done now. We’re getting married.”

Her mouth fell open and with a hand to her throat, she stumbled back from him. “M-m-married?” she stuttered.

He breathed deeply as he tried to gather himself together. “That’s what I said.”

Dazed, her head jerked back and forth. “You don’t want to get married!”

Something stronger than himself was suddenly pushing at him, putting words on his tongue and pushing them past his lips before his mind could access any of them. “What you and I want has nothing to do with it. We have a child to think of now. And we’re going to do our duty.”

For a moment he feared she was going to burst into tears, but then a chilling look of disgust filled her eyes, shocking him with its intensity. What did she have to be disappointed about? He was stepping up to the plate, being a man about this whole thing.

“Duty? That’s what you think this is all about?” She made a choking noise, then whirled away from him. “I’m sorry, Quint. This is all wrong. I can’t marry you!”

“Maura!”

Quint didn’t have the chance to say more. She raced past him and out of the room.

Dazed, Quint continued to stand in the middle of the room as he tried to figure out how one minute he’d gone from expecting to have a simple visit with his grandfather, to maybe kissing a woman he’d missed, to hearing he was going to become a father. It was more than a normal man could absorb in one night.

Tossing his hat on the table, he raked a hand through his hair, then stalked out of the room.

Down the hallway, to his right, he found the door to Maura’s bedroom shut and locked. He rapped the back of his hand against the dark wood.

“Maura,” he said firmly. “Let me in. We have to talk about this.”

There was a long pause, then eventually, through the barrier of the door, she said in a choked voice, “We don’t have to do anything. I’ve already given you my answer, Quint. No! I won’t marry you.”

“Why?”

After a moment, she sputtered back at him, “Because you’re not husband material.”

Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose, while wondering where he’d gone wrong in all of this. And why was he making such an issue out of getting married? Truth be known, he’d never held much passion for the idea. Being married meant commitment, sacrifice, sharing his life on a daily basis. He couldn’t imagine himself in that role. And yet something was driving him, telling him that nothing would ever be right unless Maura became his wife. It didn’t make sense.

Dear God, was he losing his mind, or was that stone in his chest finally breaking apart, allowing him to want and feel and love? No. Not that last part, he thought. Love wasn’t making him act like an idiot. It was the simple task of trying to deal with a woman that was tearing up his common sense.

“If that’s what you thought, then why did you go to bed with me in the first place?” he wanted to know.

“For the same reason you climbed between the sheets with me!” she muttered back at him. “I like having sex!”

For one second, Quint considered kicking the door in, but stopped himself short. His grandfather would be furious with him and clearly Maura wasn’t thinking too kindly of him at the moment. Losing his temper wasn’t going to fix anything.

Right now he wasn’t sure anything could be fixed.

“We’ll talk about this later, Maura,” he told her. “When you’re thinking straight.”

“An arrow couldn’t be as straight as my thinking is right now,” she countered flatly.

Instead of him rattling the door handle or shouting a reply, Maura heard his boots echoing down the hallway, then the slam of a door. Moments later, she heard his truck fire, and the beam of his headlights swept across the bedroom window before finally disappearing into the night.

His leaving relieved her and yet she felt so flat, so cold and full of pain that all she could do was fall across the bed and burst into racking sobs.

Obligation! Duty! He’d demanded she become his wife. He’d not even had the decency to propose to her, to gently give her a choice in the matter!

What did you expect, Maura? The man has never breathed the word love to you in any shape, form or fashion. The only connection he has to you is the child growing in your belly. Get your head out of the clouds and get used to it.

The voice inside her head stiffened her spine somewhat and she rose to a sitting position and carefully wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

For a few minutes, the existence of the baby had marred her common sense, she realized. Momentarily, she’d let herself believe that Quint considered her more than a bed partner and she’d expected him to treat her as a man with his soul mate.

Oh, God, how could she have allowed herself to get so off course? Quint was viewing this whole thing from a practical point. And she—well, she’d behaved like a lovesick teenager who’d just realized her boyfriend was out for one thing and one thing only.

It was mortifying and she wasn’t going to let it happen again. She’d already had one husband who hadn’t loved her. She wasn’t about to make the same mistake over again. The next time she talked to Quint, she would be cool, calm and collected. And she was going to tell him in a quiet, unwavering manner, that under no circumstances would she ever become his wife.