Kitabı oku: «Captivated By The Single Dad», sayfa 4

CHAPTER FIVE

GRAY was surprised by how over-the-top pleased and light-hearted he felt now that he knew Holly would be accompanying them on the return journey.

Now, the challenge of becoming a single father no longer loomed as forbidding as Mount Everest and, over the following days as they finalised the packing, even Anna came to look on the move as a huge adventure.

By the time the foursome reached JFK Airport, they were all keyed up and looking forward to the flight.

It was while they were waiting to get through Security, with the line shuffling ever closer to the X-ray machines, that Holly received a call on her cellphone.

Gray assumed it was yet another of her many friends ringing to wish her well and he watched with a ready smile as she answered the phone. He saw the sudden tension in her eyes.

She turned away, her dark hair swinging with the movement. She pressed her fingers to one ear to block out the airport noise as she frowned and gave her caller her full attention.

Gray realised he was watching her more closely than was polite, but he couldn’t help it. Holly might not have Chelsea’s beauty, but she had something else—something, he suspected, more lasting than prettiness. At times like now, when her face was animated and her dark eyes were sparkling with excitement, she looked utterly enchanting.

Snatches of her conversation drifted his way.

‘Yes…yes…that’s wonderful…yes. Oh, wow, thank you.’ And then, ‘Australia…a family commitment…just away for the summer…’ She was nodding and smiling, looking flushed and pleased.

The phone call ended just as it was their turn to go through Security, so it wasn’t till they’d reached the other side and had collected their watches, wallets, passports and backpacks that Holly turned to Gray with a wide and happy smile.

‘So it was good news after all?’ he asked.

‘Yes. At first I thought it might have been Brand—might have been someone ringing to say goodbye. But it’s even better than that. It looks like I’ve landed a job.’

To Gray’s surprise, he felt a snaking of alarm. How would this affect their plans? Was Holly still free to help? ‘When do you start?’

‘Not till August.’ Holly’s smile widened into a beaming grin, then she gave a little skip and punched the air. ‘I can’t believe it. This is my dream job! My first choice. The school I’ve always wanted to teach at.’

Gray nodded, willing himself to be pleased for Holly. Judging by her excitement, this was very important. She must have been the pick of the applicants. Good for her!

It hit him then that he knew very little about her. It seemed she was very smart—an ace teacher—and his kids were lucky to have her even for a short time.

He was pleased for her. In fact, he was pleased for all of them. Everything was working out perfectly. By August his children would be settled into their new home and school and, with Holly’s help and approval, he’d have hired a new nanny. Then Holly would head for home to start this new flash job.

It made absolutely no sense that he couldn’t dredge up more enthusiasm. It was sheer selfishness not to be happy for Holly.

‘Fantastic,’ he said and he held out his hand. ‘Congratulations.’

At last, he cracked a smile.

Landing in Sydney was a total surprise for Holly.

Throughout the journey, she’d been mentally preparing herself for the Australian Outback. It was, she knew, a challenging place of wide red plains, isolation, dust and heat.

She hadn’t given much thought to Sydney, hadn’t expected to fly in over gorgeous golden beaches to a big and modern city heart crowded with skyscrapers. She also hadn’t expected to find Gray’s mother waiting to greet them at Sydney Airport.

Holly had vague memories of Sasha Carlisle from the wedding. She was tall and silver-haired, strikingly attractive and well dressed. Today she was wearing a white linen trouser suit, with sparkling jewellery at her wrist and a long black and white silk scarf draped with unfussy elegance. There was no doubt about it; she’d nailed casual chic for the older woman.

Beside her, Holly, in jeans and a crumpled T-shirt, with her hair hanging limp after more than twenty hours in a pressurised cabin, felt decidedly drab. But she soon forgot about that as she watched the greeting between mother and son.

No warm hugs. Just a cool—

‘Hello, dear.’

‘Hello, Mother.’

And an expertly made-up cheek held at an angle for Gray to kiss.

The tension was so thick Holly would have needed a very sharp knife to cut through it. It evaporated quickly, however, when Gray’s mother turned her attention to her grandchildren.

‘Sweethearts,’ she cried, opening her arms to Anna and Josh. ‘You remember your Australian granny, don’t you?’

Fortunately, the children obliged her with warm smiles, and they submitted to hugs and kisses without complaint.

‘Your granny’s missed you so much.’

Brightly wrapped packages were produced from a voluminous designer handbag, and Holly was pleased to see that Anna and Josh looked quite thrilled and remembered to say thank you.

Gray placed a hand on Holly’s shoulder, almost making her jump out of her skin. ‘You might not remember my mother, Sasha Carlisle.’

With her shoulder still tingling from the warmth of his touch, Holly held out her hand. ‘I do remember you, Mrs Carlisle. How do you do?’

Gray’s mother shook hands super-carefully, as if she were afraid Holly might be grubby.

‘Holly was one of Chelsea’s bridesmaids,’ Gray reminded her.

‘Ah, yes, and now she’s the nanny.’

‘Holly’s going to help us with School of the Air,’ Josh explained importantly.

‘Is she now?’ Sasha’s eyebrows lifted high and she shot a chilling but meaningful glance to Gray. ‘Is she properly trained?’

Bristling at being discussed as if she wasn’t even there, Holly decided to speak up for herself. ‘I’m a fully qualified English teacher.’

The older woman smiled faintly. ‘Thank heavens for small mercies.’

What was going on here?

The chilling tension was broken by Anna, who urgently wanted to find a bathroom. Grateful to escape, Holly accompanied her and, by the time they returned, Sasha had left.

‘My mother had a function she needed to attend,’ Gray said smoothly. The expression in his eyes lightened and he smiled at Holly. ‘Come on, let’s find a taxi.’

Their evening in Sydney was fun. The four of them dined out at a fabulous Thai restaurant and then they walked back to their hotel, enjoying the mild winter night and the brightly lit streets. The children were drooping by this stage, however, and Gray had to carry Anna for the last block. She and Josh were so tired they fell straight into bed and were asleep before anyone could think of finding a story to read.

Gray stayed behind to share a nightcap with Holly in the cosy sitting room that was part of the luxurious suite he’d booked for her and the children.

They found ice and glasses and little bottles in the minibar and then they sat in deep comfy armchairs. Holly wasn’t sure how relaxed she’d be, or what she and Gray would talk about, so she was totally thrown when he steered the conversation to her break-up with Brandon.

‘What went wrong?’ he asked, watching her through slightly narrowed eyes.

‘Oh, the usual.’ Holly had only talked about her break-up with her mom and one or two girlfriends, and it felt weird to try to explain it to a man she hardly knew. ‘He was more interested in another woman.’

‘So he was a fool,’ Gray said sympathetically.

‘Yes, he was a total idiot.’ She forced a smile. ‘But it was partly my fault, I guess. I moved away to New York and, in this case, absence did not make his heart grow fonder.’

Gray nodded and took a thoughtful sip of his drink. ‘Don’t know if it helps…but after Chelsea took off with the kids…I thought I’d never get over it, and yet, after a time, the worst feelings began to fade.’

Holly wanted to ask him what had gone wrong in his marriage, but it felt too intrusive to ask Gray when Chelsea had been so close-lipped about it.

Instead, she said, ‘I guess Chelsea must have loved it here in Sydney.’

Gray’s smile vanished as if someone had flicked a switch. ‘I’m sure Chelsea must have told you how she felt about Sydney.’

‘No.’ Holly blinked. ‘If she did, I don’t remember. She would never say much at all about her time in Australia.’

He downed a hefty slug of Scotch and scowled into his glass, and Holly felt compelled to explain her comment. ‘It’s just that I was surprised to see how busy and cosmopolitan it is here. Bright lights. Masses of skyscrapers. Lots of people. So many theatres and restaurants. It’s everything Chelsea loved.’

She watched Gray’s mouth thin into a downward curve.

He sighed. ‘Yeah, Chelsea loved Sydney all right. She used to fly down here for two or three days and stay for two or three weeks.’

‘Oh.’ Sensing that she’d awoken bad memories, Holly tried to make amends. ‘I suppose she dropped in to chat to the dance companies here and—’

Suddenly, she wasn’t sure how to finish what she’d started. She was trying to defend her cousin when she had no idea really…

‘This place had everything Chelsea needed,’ Gray said bleakly.

Holly wondered if this had been the heart of the problem with their marriage. ‘Did you ever—’ she began hesitantly. ‘I mean, I don’t suppose you…um…considered moving here? Or…or living closer…’

‘No.’

There was quiet vehemence in that single syllable. Gray’s face was a grim stony mask as he stared down at his almost empty glass.

‘I guess it would have been difficult to move.’

She was trying to be diplomatic, but she knew she was on shaky ground. Just the same, she couldn’t help thinking that if Gray had really loved Chelsea he might have been prepared to make sacrifices. Couldn’t he have given up cattle farming and tried something more suited to his wife’s temperament and talents?

If he’d wanted to save his marriage…

‘Moving was out of the question,’ he said with a marked air of finality.

Right.

It was time to drop this line of conversation. Holly wondered if stubborn inflexibility was Gray Kidman’s Achilles heel.

Or was that a bit harsh? After all, her cousin had been adamant when she married him that she was happy to give up her career to live with him in his Outback.

Whatever. It’s none of my business.

To change the subject, Holly said, ‘I’m looking forward to tomorrow and finally getting to see your place.’

She saw Gray’s shoulders relax then, and he looked directly into her eyes and smiled slowly in a way that started her tummy fluttering. ‘So am I,’ he said. ‘I’m always glad to get home.’

The warmth in his eyes suggested that he wasn’t just voicing a cliché. He really meant it. He felt nostalgic about his home in the vast empty Outback. Holly understood this. She always felt a catch in her throat whenever she drove back to her family’s farm and saw the green pastures and red barns of Vermont.

Tomorrow Anna and Josh would reach their new home. Holly hoped, for their sakes, but more especially for Gray’s sake, that they liked it. Actually, it was her job to make sure that they did.

Gray couldn’t sleep.

Leaving his bed, he prowled the length of his hotel room, trying to shrug off the tension that kept him awake. He’d lied to Holly tonight. He’d told her that feelings and memories faded with time but, after his mother’s cool reception at the airport today, and his conversation with Holly about Chelsea, he was once again battling with the feelings of inadequacy and failure that had dogged him all his life.

As a child he’d never lived up to his mother’s expectations. Hell, he hadn’t even come close. He could still hear the way she’d yelled at his father.

The boy’s hopeless. Unteachable. A disgrace.

Even now, the memory brought his clenched fist slamming into his palm.

Was he never going to shake off these patterns of failure? First his mother had left Jabiru, never to return, and then his wife had left, and both times he’d known he was a major cause of their problems.

If he’d been able to, he would have taken Chelsea to live in Sydney, as Holly had so innocently suggested. He would have taken her to New York or wherever she wanted to live.

But, thanks to his lack of schooling, he was unemployable in the city, and even if he’d sold his property and invested in stocks and shares to eke out a living, he would have gone mad in the claustrophobic city. After twenty-four hours, he was always chafing at the bit to get away to the bush.

He’d tried his best to love and support Chelsea at Jabiru. When the twins arrived, he’d done everything he could to hold his little family together. He’d been a hands-on father, taking his turn at bathing and changing and walking the floors with the crying infants.

But the timing had been lousy. The babies’ arrival had coincided with a downturn in the cattle industry. Overseas markets had collapsed. Money had been tight and, before the babies were six months old, he’d been forced to lay off the fencing contractors and the mechanics he’d hired, and he’d taken on these jobs himself.

When these tasks were added to the usual demands of running a vast cattle property, his available time to help at the homestead had been minimal. He’d kept on his housekeeper, who’d also helped with the twins, but the toll on Chelsea had been visible.

Gray had been shocked to see her growing thin and drawn and faded, so he’d sent her to Sydney for short breaks. And, as he’d admitted to Holly, the times she’d spent away had become longer and longer.

When his wife had told him she needed to go home to New York, he’d let her go, taking the children with her, even though he hadn’t been free to accompany them. By then he’d known that to try to hold her was too cruel.

When she’d rung from New York to tell him she wasn’t coming back, Gray had been heartsick but not surprised. He’d agreed to the divorce, accepting that he’d had no other option.

He’d tried his hardest and failed, and he had no idea what else he could do. He would rather admit defeat than watch his wife become trapped and embittered the way his mother had been.

But his sense of failure was overwhelming, even worse now that Chelsea had passed away. He hated to think that his love had made any part of her short life unhappy and he was determined that he wouldn’t fail her children as well. He couldn’t, he mustn’t.

These next two months were critical. He would be guided by Holly and he wouldn’t be too proud to accept her advice. Sure, there were bound to be humiliating moments when his inadequacies were exposed once more, and Holly would probably be as disdainful of his home as Chelsea had been.

But he could face another woman’s scorn—as long as his kids still looked up to him—and as long as he didn’t let them down.

By the following afternoon, they were finally in Far North Queensland, barrelling over flat, pale grasslands in a big four-wheel drive which threw up a continuous plume of dust. The vehicle had a luggage rack on top, and bull bars protecting the engine—from kangaroos, Gray told them—and there were water tanks on board as well. To Holly it felt like an expedition.

Wide open plains sprinkled with straggly gum trees and silvery grey Brahman cattle stretched in every direction. Flocks of white birds wheeled in the blue sky like fluttering pieces of paper.

In the back seat, the children watched the panorama excitedly, waiting for their first kangaroo sighting.

‘This is my country,’ Gray told Holly and his emphasis on the word country seemed to instil it with special meaning.

Holly had to agree there was something primitive but almost spiritual about the vast stretch of empty space. She could feel an awareness of something greater than herself and, strangely, it wasn’t unlike the way she’d also felt the first time she’d walked into the huge book-lined silence of the New York City Library.

Every so often their vehicle would climb over a rocky ridge, giving a view of grasslands stretching for ever. At other times the road would dip downwards to cross a single lane wooden bridge over a stream. Some creeks only had a concrete ford disappearing beneath brown muddy water.

‘There’s no water here at all in the dry season,’ Gray told her.

They came to a wider river, so deep that when Gray pushed the vehicle through, the water threatened to seep under the doors.

He grinned at Holly. ‘This is where I did my ankle in, but the creek was flowing a lot faster then, of course.’

The tops of the banks were still covered in flattened grass and the small twisted trees were all leaning in one direction, clear evidence of how high and savage the floodwaters had been.

Holly hated to think what it must have been like to try to drive through it.

‘I thought you had an airstrip at Jabiru,’ she said. ‘Couldn’t you have flown instead of driving?’

Gray shook his head. ‘The ground was too boggy for a normal plane to land—and all the choppers were needed for emergency rescues. I waited for the water to go down a little, then took my chances.’

How scary. Holly shuddered, as she tried to imagine pushing a vehicle through a raging flood.

‘And that was when you broke your ankle?’ she asked.

‘I was testing the bottom before I drove across. Foot went down into a crevice.’

‘You weren’t on your own, were you?’

‘Sure.’

‘You mean you had to rescue yourself?’

‘It was either that or—’ He flicked a glance over his shoulder and dropped his voice. ‘Or this pair would have been orphans.’

Holly shivered, chastened to remember how she’d rolled her eyes and complained loudly when Gray had telephoned to say he was held up in Australia by floods and a broken ankle. Now that she was here, and could see where the accident had happened, she was appalled.

No wonder Gray gave off an aura of hidden toughness and competence.

As they cleared the creek and continued over flat land again, squawks from the back seat reminded Holly of her duties. Anna and Josh were pinching each other and poking out tongues. Clear signs of boredom. Very soon they’d start, Are we there yet?

She rummaged in her bag and produced a CD. ‘This might keep them entertained,’ she said, waving it at Gray.

‘Good idea. What is it?’

‘Winnie-the-Pooh.’

His brow wrinkled. ‘Never heard of them. Are they a new band?’

She laughed. ‘Oh, that’s a good one.’

He turned, sending her a puzzled grin. ‘Seriously, who are they?’

Her mouth dropped open. How could he ask? ‘You know Winnie-the-Pooh—the children’s story. You must have read it when you were little. The bear who loves honey.’

He pulled a face and shrugged. ‘Whatever. We’ve got about three-quarters of an hour to go, so if you think it will keep the kids happy, bung it on.’

Bemused, she slipped the CD into the player and soon the cabin was filled with the storyteller’s beautifully modulated English voice. The children stopped squabbling and listened. Gray seemed to listen attentively, too, and he actually chuckled at the antics of the famous characters as if the funny bits were a brand new experience for him.

How curious.

The CD hadn’t finished when they turned in at big metal gates beneath an overhead sign with Jabiru Creek painted in white.

‘We’re here!’ Anna cried enthusiastically. ‘This is your place, isn’t it, Daddy?’

‘That’s right, pumpkin, but we’re not at the homestead yet. It’s about another fifteen minutes.’

Resigned, the children slumped back in their seats.

‘I’ll get the gates,’ Holly announced, opening her passenger door.

Gray’s eyebrows shot high. ‘You don’t have to.’

‘It’s fine,’ she called over her shoulder as she jumped down from the vehicle. ‘I’m a farm girl.’

She turned, saw the surprise in his blue eyes.

‘When were you on a farm?’

‘I grew up on a farm in Vermont.’

Through the dusty windscreen she saw his smile and a new light in his eyes—keen interest, extra warmth. She blushed and felt flustered. Idiot. Abruptly, she turned and paid studious attention to the gates.

By the time the gates were shut once more and she’d climbed back in the cabin, Gray was closing his satellite phone. ‘I let them know at the homestead that we’re nearly home. Almost time to put the kettle on.’

Anna leaned forward as far as her seatbelt would allow. ‘Will we see the puppies? Are they borned yet, Daddy?’

‘Sorry, I forgot to ask.’ Gray grinned back at his daughter. ‘You’ll soon find out.’

They drove on and the CD resumed, preventing conversation or questions about Holly’s life on the farm. But Holly couldn’t stop thinking about the surprised delight in Gray’s eyes. Why should it matter where she’d grown up?

The bush was thicker now, and the gum trees threw shadows across the narrow wheel ruts that formed the rough track. Several times, Gray had to brake suddenly as a kangaroo appeared on the edge of the road, bounding unannounced from a shadowy clump of trees.

Each kangaroo sighting was a source of huge excitement for Holly and the children, but Holly could tell that the animals’ sudden arrival on the track was dangerous. In the fading light they were hard to see. She switched off the CD so Gray could concentrate.

‘That wasn’t a bad story,’ he said. Then he called over his shoulder, ‘Hey, kids, what do you reckon? Is that Pooh bear almost as good as Hector Owl and Timothy Mouse?’

‘Nah. Winnie-the-Pooh’s for babies,’ Josh replied, even though he’d spent the best part of an hour listening to the CD quite happily. ‘Hector Owl’s much better. Hector Owl’s awesome. He killed the Bad Bush Rat.’

Holly smiled. How could poor Winnie compete with a murderous owl?

But it still puzzled her that Gray spoke as if he’d never heard of Winnie-the-Pooh. How could that be? Surely almost every child in the US and Australia was familiar with the honey-loving bear.

Should she be dreading what lay ahead? Would Gray’s house be as stark and unappealing as that lonely homestead on the back of the playing cards he’d bought?

She was about to find out.

Ahead of them, the track rounded a corner and they emerged into open country once more. Holly saw tall corrals and stockyards, home paddocks fenced with timber instead of the barbed wire she’d seen everywhere else. Then, ahead, more buildings began to appear—machinery sheds, silos, bunk houses, barns, even an aircraft hangar—it was almost a small village.

Clearly Jabiru Creek Station was a much bigger concern than the farms she was used to.

‘Which one is your house, Daddy?’ Anna wanted to know.

‘That place straight ahead with the silver roof.’ Gray pointed to a long, low, white timber building surrounded by surprisingly green lawns.

To Holly’s relief, Gray’s home looked inviting. It was a simple homestead, but it was large and rimmed by verandas. Across the front of the house a deep shady veranda was fringed with hanging baskets filled with ferns, while the verandas on either side were enclosed from floor to ceiling with white timber louvres.

The lawns in front of the house were divided by a gravel path and on either side stood massive shade trees with deep glossy foliage.

‘I can see a swing,’ Anna shouted, pointing to a rubber tyre hanging by thick ropes from the branch of one of the trees.

‘It’s waiting for you,’ Holly told her, and already she was picturing Anna and Josh playing on this smooth sweep of lawn, swinging in the tyre, riding bikes, throwing balls, chasing puppies…

The front door opened and a woman came out with a beaming smile, wiping her hands on an apron. She was aged somewhere beyond sixty and was dressed in a floral cotton dress, with wisps of grey hair escaping from a haphazard knot on top of her head.

‘My housekeeper, Janet,’ Gray said as he turned off the engine. ‘She helped us to look after the twins when they were babies and she can’t wait to see them again.’

Janet looked perfect, Holly thought, watching the woman’s happy face glow pink with excitement as she waved to the children.

‘Come inside where it’s warm,’ Janet said when they’d clambered from the car and she’d given them all, including Holly, huge hugs. ‘The chill starts early on these winter afternoons, and I’ve got a heater on in the kitchen.’

As they followed her into the house, which was warm and fragrant with baking smells, Holly thought everything about Gray’s home seemed comfortable and welcoming. Her fears, it seemed, were unwarranted.

Of course, first impressions could be deceiving. No doubt Jabiru Creek Station would soon reveal its downside. There had to be a downside. Right now Holly couldn’t imagine what it might be, but something had driven Chelsea away from here.