Kitabı oku: «The Pennycomequicks (Volume 2 of 3)», sayfa 10
CHAPTER XXXIII.
EXILE
Days passed, and the house had settled into formal ways. The meals were at the usual hours, to the minute. Philip went to the office at the usual time, and at the usual time returned from it; everything had again entered into its routine as before. But the relations between husband and wife were not improved. They met at meals, rarely else. At table a conventional conversation was maintained. Philip occupied his bachelor apartments, and expressed no intention of leaving them. Beyond the formal inquiries after Salome's health in the morning, he took no interest in her condition of mind and body. He did not perceive that she still suffered, was becoming thin, pale, and worn. He could not have invented a more cruel torture than this daily life of chill intercourse between them, and Salome felt that it was becoming insupportable. She attended to the household duties. She looked after his comforts, saw that his room was properly dusted, that his papers, his books were always in the same place, that his clothing was in order, that strict punctuality was observed in all that concerned him – he accepted this as of course, and was unaware that every element that conduced to his well-being was not present naturally. He did not know that his wife entered his room when he was away and rectified the little neglects and transpositions of the housemaid; he did not know how much time, and how many tears were given to his shirts and his socks and collars. He was unaware of the patient consideration devoted to the dinner, to ensure that he should have an appetizing meal after his work in the office during the day. He did not entertain the suspicion that the regularity of the house was only effected by constant urgency and supervision.
That there was a change in the relations of Philip and his wife did not strike the outer world, which had not been invited by him previously to consider the nature and closeness of those relations. In the presence of others Philip was courteous and formal towards his wife now, but he had been courteous and formal towards her in public before. He had not called upon the neighbours and acquaintances to rejoice with him because he had found domestic happiness; he did not invite them now to lament with him because he had discovered it to be chimerical.
He refused to Salome none of those attentions which are required by common politeness; what she missed were those which spring out of real affection. His behaviour to her in public was unchanged, and he carried this manner into his private interviews with her. Such interviews were now brief and business-like. He no longer spoke to her about what was past, he never referred to her father. He never allowed her to entertain the smallest hope that his behaviour would change.
Philip rarely spoke to a servant, never except on business; and he was surprised one day when the nurse ventured to intrude on his privacy and ask leave to say something to him.
Philip gave the required permission ungraciously.
Then the woman said:
'Please, sir, the missus be that onconsiderate about hersen that she'd never think o' telling nobody about nowt that was wrong with her. And so, I dare say, you don't know, sir, that it is not all well wi' her. Shoo has sudden faintive's, and they come on ow'er often. Shoo makes light o't, but don't better of it. I sed to her, shoo ought to tell you, but shoo wouldn't. And, please sir, shoo's a good missus, and too precious to be let slip through the fingers for not looking after what's amiss i' time. So – sir – I've made bould to say a word aboot it.'
Philip was surprised, even shocked.
'I will see to it,' he said; and then, 'That will do.'
He took occasion to speak with Salome about her health, and now his eyes were opened to see how delicate she had become. She admitted her fainting-fits, but made light of them.
'I have been overtaxed, that is all, Philip. I shall soon be quite myself again.'
'You have had a good deal of anxiety, no doubt, and that may account for it. Still – it would be a satisfaction to have an opinion. Do you care for Mr. Knight?'
'Oh no, Philip – he is very clever, but too young. I should not like to have Mr. Knight here about me. But I assure you, it is nothing! – I mean there is nothing really the matter with me. It used to be said that I had all the physique of us two sisters, and Janet all the verve.'
'I wish you to have proper advice. You understand. I wish it.'
'Then, Philip, I will let anyone you like come and see me, or I will go to anyone you recommend.'
'I have no knowledge of doctors,' he said almost contemptuously.
'If I might have a choice – ' she hesitated.
'Of course you may – in reason.'
'There is Mr. John Dale; he was dear Uncle Jeremiah's best friend, and he is Janet's guardian. I always liked him, and he knows about us sisters. Besides, I do want to see him and ask him what he thinks about Janet; but he is a long way off, he is at Bridlington. If you think it would be extravagant sending so far, I would go myself gladly and see him. Indeed, I dare say the journey would do me good.'
'Very well,' said Philip, 'I'll telegraph for Mr. Dale.'
'And then,' added Salome, 'if you do not object, he can overhaul baby and see that the darling is sound as a bell. But – there is no need at all to telegraph. I know quite well what is the matter with me. It is nothing that any doctor can cure.'
'What is it?'
'I have had a good deal to worry me, to make me unhappy. I cannot sleep, I am always thinking. I can see no way out of the trouble. If there were the tiniest thread to which I could lay hold, then I should soon be well – but there is none. It reminds me of what I have read about the belief the North American Indians have concerning their origin. They were, they say, once in a vast black abyss in the centre of the earth, and there were tiny fibres hanging from the roof, and some of them laid hold of these fibres, and crawled up them, and following them came to the surface of earth and saw the sun, but others never touched a depending thread, and they wander on in timeless darkness, without a prospect, and without cognizance of life.'
'Well – '
'And I am like these, only with this pang, that I have been in the light. No – there is no fibre hanging down for me.'
She spoke timidly, and in a tone of half inquiry.
He did not answer.
'Philip, you must believe my word when I say that I never knew till the night before you heard it, that I was not what it had been given out I was.'
'We will not debate that matter again,' said Philip sharply. 'It can lead to nothing.'
'There is, then, no fibre,' she said sadly, and withdrew.
John Dale arrived, bluff, good-natured, boisterous.
'Hallo! what is the matter with you?' was his first salutation; and when he had heard what her ailments of body were – she made light of them to him – he shook his head and said bluntly, 'That's not all – it is mental. Now, then, what is it all about?'
'Mamma was taken suddenly ill and died; it was a dreadful shock to me. Then baby was unwell, and I had to watch him night and day; he would let no one else be with him.'
'But the expression of your face is changed, and neither your mother nor baby has done that. You are in some trouble. A doctor is a confessor. Come, what is up?'
Then she told him – not all, but a good deal. She told him who she was, and how she had discovered her origin – that her father was the man who had started the swindle about Iodinopolis, but that Beaple Yeo was not his real name; he had assumed that in place of his true name, Schofield.
'What – the scoundrel who did for Nicholas Pennycomequick?'
Salome bowed her head.
'I see it all,' said Dale. 'I never met that fellow Schofield, but I knew Nicholas Pennycomequick, and I know how he was ruined. I had no idea that the fellow Yeo, whom I met at Bridlington, was the same. Now, my dear child, I understand more than you have told me. I shall not give you any medicine, but order you away from Mergatroyd.'
'I cannot – I cannot leave baby.'
'Then take baby with you.'
Salome shook her head.
She also saw that nothing would do her good save an escape from the crushing daily oppression of Philip's coldness and stiff courtesy.
A day or two later she received a letter with a foreign postmark, and she tore it open eagerly, for she recognised her sister's handwriting.
The letter was short. Janet complained of not getting any better; her strength was deserting her. And she added: 'Oh, Salome, come to me, come to me if you can, and at once. He is here.'
There was no explanation as to who was implied, but Salome understood. Her sister was ill, weak, and was pestered by the presence of that man – that horrible man who was their father.
She went to Philip's door and tapped. She was at once admitted.
'Philip,' she said, 'I refused to take Mr. Dale's advice on Tuesday, I will take it now if you will allow me. I have heard from Janet. She is ill.' The tears came into her eyes. 'She is very ill, and entreats me to fly to her without delay.'
She said nothing to him of who she had heard was with her sister.
'I am quite willing that you should go,' he said.
The words were hard. The lack of feeling in them touched her to the quick.
'Very well, Philip,' she said; 'with your consent I will go. Baby must do without me for a while, unless,' she brightened, 'unless you will allow me to take baby and nurse with me.'
'No,' answered Philip, 'on no account. Go yourself, but I cannot entertain that other proposal.'
She sighed.
'Where is Janet?' he asked.
'At Andermatt – on the St. Gothard. The air is bracing there.'
'Very well. You will want money. You shall have it.'
'And how long may I stay?'
'That entirely remains with yourself. As far as I am concerned, I am indifferent.'
So Salome was to go. She was now filled with a feverish impatience to be off – not that she cared for herself, that the change might do her good – but because the leaving home would be to her agony, and she was desirous to have the pang over.
She felt that she could not endure to live as she had of late, under the same roof with her husband and yet separated from him, loving him with her faithful, sincere heart, and meeting with rebuff only; guiltless, yet regarded as guilty, her self-justification disregarded, her word treated as unworthy of credence. No – she could not endure the daily mortification, and she knew that it would be well for her to leave; but for all that she knew that the leaving home would be to her the acutest torture she could suffer. She must leave her dear child, uncertain when she would see it again. She did not hide from herself that if she left, she left not to return till some change had taken place in Philip's feelings towards her. She could not return to undergo the same freezing process. But she raised no hopes on what she knew of Philip's character. As far as she was acquainted with it – it was unbending. Salome had that simple faith which leads one to take a step that seems plain, without too close a questioning as to ultimate consequences. She had been told by the doctor whom she trusted that she must go away from Mergatroyd, and immediately came the call of her sister. To her mind, this was a divine indication as to the course she must take, and she prepared accordingly to take it.
At the best of times it is not without misgiving and heartache that we leave home, if only for a holiday, and only for a few weeks; we discover fresh beauties in home, new attractions, things that require our presence, and obstruct our departing steps. A certain vague fear always rises up, lest we should never return, at least, that when we return something should be changed that we value, something going wrong that we have left right, some one face be missing that we hold to with infinite love. It is a qualm bred of the knowledge of the uncertainty of all things in this most shifting world, a qualm that always makes itself felt on the eve of departure. With Salome this was more than a qualm; she was going, she knew not to what; she was going, she knew not for how long; and the future drew a gray impenetrable veil before her eyes – she could not tell, should she return, to what that return would be. She did not reckon about her child. She could not, she would not be separated from it – but whether Philip would let the child go to her, or insist on her return to the child, that she did not ask. The future must decide. Whatever she saw to be her duty, that she would do. That was Salome's motive principle. She would do her duty anywhere, at any sacrifice: when she saw what her duty was.
A cab was procured from the nearest town, four miles distant, to take Salome to the station.
Oh the last clasp of her babe! The tearful eyes, the quivering mouth, the beating heart, the inner anguish; and then – as she ran downstairs, with her veil drawn over her face, Philip encountered her un the landing, and offered her – not his cheek, not his heart – but his arm to take her to the cab.
