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CHAPTER XV.
THE DUTIES OF CHILDREN AND FELLOW-SERVANTS TO ONE ANOTHER

It is not easy to resolve, whether good governors, or good fellow-servants, in a family, be the greater help and benefit, to each of the inferiors. For servants are so much together, and so free and familiar with each other, that they have the more opportunity to be useful to each other, if they have but abilities and hearts. It is needful, therefore, that you know your duty to one another, both for doing and getting that good which otherwise will be lost.

Direct. I. Love one another unfeignedly as yourselves; avoid all contention and falling out with one another, or any thing that would weaken your love to one another; especially differences about your personal interests, in point of profit, provision, or reputation. Take heed of the spirit of envy, which will make your hearts rise against those that are preferred before you, or that are used better than you. Remember the sin and misery of Cain, and take warning by him. Give place to others, and in honour prefer others, and seek not to be preferred before them, Rom. xii. 10, 16. God delighteth to exalt the humble that abase themselves, and to cast down those that exalt themselves. When the interest of your flesh can make you hate or fall out with each other, what a fearful sign is it of a fleshly mind! Rom. viii. 6, 13.

Direct. II. Take heed of using provoking words against each other. For these are the bellows to blow up that which the apostle calleth "the fire of hell," James iii. 6. A foul tongue setteth on fire the course of nature; and therefore it may set a family on fire, James iii. 5, 6. "Where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work," ver. 16. If ye be angry, refrain your tongues "and sin not, and let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil," Eph. iv. 26, 27. "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice; and be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you," ver. 31, 32. 1 Cor. vi. 10, "Revilers shall not inherit the kingdom of God."

Direct. III. Help one another with love and willingness in your labours; and do not grudge at one another, and say such a one doth less than I; but be as ready to help another, as you would be helped yourselves. It is very amiable to see a family of such children and servants, that all take one another's concernments as their own, and are not selfish against each other. Psal. cxxxiii. 1, "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!"

Direct. IV. Take heed that you prove not tempters to draw each other to sin and misery. Either by joining together in riotousness, or wronging your masters, or secret revelling, and then in lying to conceal it; or lest immodest familiarity draw those of different sexes into a snare. Abundance of sin and misery hath followed such tempting familiarity of men and maids that were fellow-servants. Their nearness giveth them opportunity, and the devil provoketh them to take their opportunity; and from immodest, wanton dalliance, and unchaste words, they proceed at last to more lasciviousness, to their own undoing. Bring not the straw to the fire, if you would not have it burn.

Direct. V. Watch over one another for mutual preservation against the sin and temptations which you are most in danger of. Agree to tell each other of your faults, not proudly or passionately, but in love; and resolve to take it thankfully from each other. If any one talk foolishly and idly, or wantonly and immodestly, or tell a lie, or take God's name in vain, or neglect their duty to God or man, or deal unfaithfully in their trust or labour, let the other seriously tell him of his sin, and call him to repentance. And let not him that is guilty take it ill, and angrily snap at the reprover, or justify or excuse the fault, or hit him presently in the teeth with his own; but humbly thank him and promise amendment. Oh how happy might servants be, if they would faithfully watch over one another!

Direct. VI. When you are together, and your work will allow it, let your discourse be such as tendeth to edification, and to the spiritual good of the speaker or the hearers. Some work there is that must be thought on, and talked of, while it is doing, and will not allow you leisure to think or speak of other things, till it is done; but very much of the work of most servants may be as well done, though they think and speak together of heavenly things; besides all other times when their work is over. O take this time to be speaking of good to one another. It is like, that some one of you hath more knowledge than the rest; let the rest be asking his counsel and instructions, and let him bend himself to do them good: or if you are equal in knowledge, yet stir up the grace that is in you, if you have any; or stir up your desires after it, if you have none. Waste not your precious time in vanity; multiply not the sin of idle words. Oh what a load doth lie on many a soul that feeleth it not, in the guilt of these two sins, loss of time, and idle words! To be guilty of the same sins over and over, every day, and make a constant practice of them, and this against your own knowledge and conscience, is a more grievous case than many think of; whereas, if you would live together as the heirs of heaven, and provoke one another to the love of God, and holy duty, and delightfully talk of the word of God, and the life to come, what blessings might you be to one another! and your service and labour would be a sanctified and comfortable life to you all. Eph. iv. 29, 30, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, and may minister grace to the hearers: and grieve not the holy Spirit of God." And chap. v. 3, 4, "But fornication and all uncleanness, or covetousness, (or rather, inordinate, fleshly desire,) let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient; but rather giving of thanks." Of this more anon.

Direct. VII. Patiently bear with the failings of one another towards yourselves, and hide those faults, the opening of which will do no good, but stir up strife; but conceal not those faults which will be cherished by concealment, or whose concealment tendeth to the wrong of your master, or any other. For it is in your power to forgive a fault against yourselves, but not against God, or another. And to know when you should reveal it, and when not, you must wisely foreknow which way is like to do more good or harm. And if yet you be in doubt, open it first to some secret friend, that is wise to advise you, whether it should be further opened or not.

Direct. VIII. If weakness, or sickness, or want afflict a brother, or sister, or fellow-servant, be kind and helpful to them according to your power. "Love not in word only, but in deed and truth," 1 John iii. 18; James ii.

CHAPTER XVI.
DIRECTIONS FOR HOLY CONFERENCE OF FELLOW-SERVANTS OR OTHERS

Because this is a duty so frequently to be performed; and therefore the peace and edification of christians is very much concerned in it, I shall give a few brief directions about it.

Direct. 1. Labour most for a full and lively heart, which hath the feeling of those things which your tongues should speak of. For, 1. Such a heart will be like a spring which is always running, and will continually feed the streams. Forced and feigned things are of short continuance; the hypocrite's affected, forced speech, is exercised but among those where it may serve his pride and carnal ends; at other times, and in other company, he hath another tongue like other men. It is like a land-flood that is quickly gone; or like the bending of a bow, which returneth to its place as soon as it is loosed. 2. And that which cometh from your hearts, will be serious and hearty, and likeliest to do good to others; for words do their work upon us, not only by signifying the matter which is spoken, but also by signifying the affections of the speaker. And that which will work affections, must express affection ordinarily. If it come not from the heart of the speaker, it is not so like to go to the hearts of the hearers. A hearty preacher, and a hearty, feeling discourse of holy things, do pierce heart-deep, and do that good, which better composed words that are heartless do not.

Direct. II. Yet for all that, when your hearts are cold, and dull, and barren, do not think that your tongues must therefore neglect their duty, and be silent from all good, till your hearts be better, but force your tongues to do their duty, if they will not do it freely without constraint. For, 1. Duty is duty, whether you be well-disposed to it or not: if all duty should cease when men are ill-disposed to it, no wicked man would be bound to any thing that is truly holy. 2. And if heart and tongue be both obliged, it is worse to omit both than one. 3. And there may be sincerity in a duty, when the heart is cold and dull. 4. And beginning to do your duty as well as you can, is the way to overcome your dulness and unfitness; when you force your tongues at first to speak of that which is good, the words which you speak or hear, may help to bring you into a better frame. Many a man hath begun to pray with coldness, that hath got him heat before he had done; and many a man hath gone unwillingly to hear a sermon, that hath come home a converted soul. 5. And when you set yourselves in the way of duty, you are in the way of promised grace.

Object. But is not this to play the hypocrite, to let my tongue go before my heart; and speak the things which my heart is not affected with?

Answ. If you speak falsely and dissemblingly, you play the hypocrite; but you may force yourselves to speak of good, without any falsehood or hypocrisy. Words signify, as I told you, the matter spoken, and the speaker's mind. Now your speaking of the things of God doth tell no more of your mind but this, that you take them to be true, and that you desire those that you speak to, to regard them: and all this is so; and therefore there is no hypocrisy in it. Indeed if you told the hearers, that you are deeply affected with these things yourselves, when it is not so, this were hypocrisy. But a man may exhort another to be good, without professing himself to be good; yea, though he confess himself to be bad. Therefore all the good discourses of a wicked man are not hypocrisy; much less the good discourse of a sincere christian, that is dull and cold in that discourse. And if a duty had some hypocrisy in it, it is not the duty, but the hypocrisy, that God disliketh, and you must forsake: as if there be coldness in a duty, it is the coldness, and not the duty, that is to be blamed and forborne. And wholly to omit the duty, is worse than to do it with some coldness or hypocrisy, which is not the predominant complexion of the duty.

Object. But if it be not the fruit of the Spirit, it is not acceptable to God; and that which I force my tongue to, is none of the fruits of the Spirit. Therefore I must stay till the Spirit move me.

Answ. 1. There are many duties done by reason, and the common assistances of God, that are better than the total omission of them is. Else no unsanctified man should hear the word, or pray, or relieve the poor, or obey his prince or governors, or do any duty towards children or neighbours, because whatsoever is not the fruit of the special grace of the Spirit, is sin; and without faith it is impossible to please God; and all men have not faith, Heb. xi. 6; 2 Thess. iii. 2. 2. It is a distracted conceit of the quakers, and other fanatics, to think that reason and the Spirit of God are not conjunct principles in the same act. Doth the Spirit work on a man as on a beast or stone? and cause you to speak as a clock that striketh it knoweth not what? or play on man's soul, as on an instrument of music that hath neither knowledge of the melody, nor any pleasure in it? No, the Spirit of God supposeth nature, and worketh on man as man, by exciting your own understanding and will to do their parts. So that when, against all the remnant of dulness and backwardness that is in you, you can force yourselves to do your duty, it is because the Spirit of God assisteth you to take that resolution, and use that force. For thus the Spirit striveth against the flesh, Gal. v. 17; Rom. vii. 16-18. Though it is confessed, that there is more of the Spirit, where there is no backwardness or resistance, or need of forcing.

Direct. III. By all means labour to be furnished with understanding in the matters of God. For, 1. An understanding person hath a mine of holy matter in himself, and never is quite void of matter for good discourse. He is the good scribe, that is instructed to the kingdom of God, that bringeth out of his treasury things new and old, Matt. xiii. 52. 2. And an understanding person will speak discreetly, and so will much further the success of his discourse, and not make it ridiculous, contemptuous, or uneffectual through his indiscretion. But yet if you are ignorant and wanting in understanding, do not therefore be silent; for though your ability is least, your necessity is greatest. Let necessity therefore constrain you to ask instruction, as it constraineth the needy to beg for what they want. But spare no pains to increase your knowledge.

Direct. IV. If your own understandings and hearts do not furnish you with matter, have recourse to those manifold helps that God vouchsafeth you. As, 1. You may discourse of the last sermon that you heard, or some one lately preached that nearly touched you. 2. Or of something in the last book you read. 3. Or of some text of Scripture obvious to your thoughts. 4. Or of some notable (yea, or ordinary) providence which did lately occur. 5. Or of some examples of good or evil that are fresh before you. 6. Or of the right doing of the duty that you are about, or any such like helps.

Direct. V. Talk not of vain, unprofitable controversies, nor often of small, circumstantial matters that make but little to edification. For there may be idle talking about matters of religion, as well as about other smaller things. Especially see that the quarrels of the times engage not your thoughts and speeches too far, into a course of unprofitableness or contention.

Direct. VI. Furnish yourselves beforehand with matter for the most edifying discourse, and never go abroad empty. And let the matter be usually, 1. Things of weight, and not small matters. 2. Things of certainty, and not uncertain things. Particularly the fittest subjects for your ordinary discourse are these: 1. God himself, with his attributes, relations, and works. 2. The great mystery of man's redemption by Christ; his person, office, sufferings, doctrine, example, and work; his resurrection, ascension, glory, intercession, and all the privileges of his saints. 3. The covenant of grace, the promises, the duties, the conditions, and the threatenings. 4. The workings of the Spirit of Christ upon the soul, and every grace of the Spirit in us; with all the signs, and helps, and hinderances of it. 5. The ways and wiles of Satan, and all our spiritual enemies; the particular temptations which we are in danger of; what they are and how to avoid them, and what are the most powerful helps against them. 6. The corruption and deceitfulness of the heart; the nature and workings, effects, and signs of ignorance, unbelief, hypocrisy, pride, sensuality, worldliness, impiety, injustice, intemperance, uncharitableness, and every other sin; with all the helps against them all. 7. The many duties to God and man which we have to perform, both internal and external, and how to do them, and what are the chiefest hinderances and helps. (As in reading, hearing, meditating, prayer, giving alms, &c.) And the duties of our relations, and several places, with the contrary sins. 8. The vanity of the world, and deceitfulness of all earthly things. 9. The powerful reasons used by Christ to draw us to holiness, and the unreasonable madness of all that is brought against it, by the devil or by wicked men. 10. Of the sufferings which we must expect and be prepared for. 11. Of death, and the preparations that will then be found necessary; and how to make ready for so great a change. 12. Of the day of judgment, and who will then be justified, and who condemned. 13. Of the joys of heaven, the employment, the company, the nature, and duration. 14. Of the miseries of the damned, and the thoughts that they then will have of their former life on earth. 15. Of the state of the church on earth, and what we ought to do in our places for its welfare. Is there not matter enough in all these great and weighty points, for your hourly meditation and conference?

Direct. VII. Take heed of proud self-conceitedness in your conference. Speak not with supercilious, censorious confidence. Let not the weak take on them to be wiser than they are. Be readier to speak by way of question as learners, than as teachers of others, unless you are sure that they have much more need to be taught by you, than you by them. It is ordinary for novices in religion to cast all their discourse into a teaching strain, or to make themselves preachers before they understand. It is a most loathsome and pitiful hearing (and yet too ordinary) to hear a raw, self-conceited, ungrounded, unexperienced person to prate magisterially, and censure confidently the doctrine, or practices, or persons of those that are much better and wiser than themselves. If you meet with this proud, censorious spirit, rebuke it first, and read to them James iii.; and if they go on, turn away from them, and avoid them, for they know not what manner of spirit they are of: they serve not the Lord Jesus, whatever they pretend or think themselves, but are proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions, and making divisions in the church of God, and ready to fall into the condemnation of the devil, 1 Tim. iii. 6; vi. 3-5; Rom. xvi. 17; Luke ix. 55.

Direct. VIII. Let the wisest in the company, and not the weakest, have most of the discourse: but yet if any one that is of an abler tongue than the rest, do make any determinations in doubtful, controverted points, take heed of a hasty receiving his judgment, let his reasons seem never so plausible or probable; but put down all such opinions as doubts, and move them to your teachers, or some other impartial, able men, before you entertain them. Otherwise, he that hath most wit and tongue in the company, might carry away all the rest into what error or heresy he please, and subvert their faith when he stops their mouths.

Direct. IX. Let the matter of your speech be suitable to your end, even to the good of yourselves or others, which you seek. The same subject that is fit for one company is very unfit for others. Learned men and ignorant men, pious men and profane men, are not fit for the same kind of discourse. The medicine must be carefully fitted to the disease.

Direct. X. Let your speech be seasonable, when prudence telleth you it is not like to do more harm than good. There is a season for the prudent to be silent, and refrain even from good talk, Amos v. 17; Psal. xxxix. 1, 2. "Cast not pearls before swine, and give not holy things to dogs, that you know will turn again and rend you," Matt. vii. 6. Yea, and among good people themselves, there is a time to speak, and a time to be silent, Eccles. iii. 7. There may possibly be such excess as tendeth to the tiring of the hearers; and more may be crammed in than they can digest; and surfeiting may make them loathe it afterwards. You must give none more than they can bear; and also the matters of your business and callings, must be talked of in their time and place.

Direct. XI. Let all your speech of holy things be with the greatest seriousness and reverence that you are able. Let the words be never so good, yet levity and rudeness may make them to be profane. God and holy things should not be talked of in a common manner; but the gravity of your speech should tell the hearers, that you take them not for small or common matters. If servants and others that live near together would converse and speak as the oracles of God, how holy, and heavenly, and happy would such families or societies be!