Kitabı oku: «It Won’t be Christmas Without You»

For my sister, my tree-decorating and singalong partner. Love ya, Kat.

Twenty-five days to Christmas
Chapter 1

Eloise stared so hard into the camera that Cara tapped on her iPad screen, wondering if the connection had cut out. But then her twin blinked.

“What do you mean, you’re not coming home for Christmas?”

Cara’s face twisted. She knew Eloise would react like this. She’d braced herself for a screaming match, for tantrums, for tears and threats of never speaking to her again.

But she plastered on a big smile, noticing that her lipstick needed touching up. “I mean, technically, I will be. I’ll just be there a bit … later. It’s not the end of the world!”

She really didn’t see what the big deal was.

Eloise pursed her lips, eyes closing, head tilted down. It was a look of grave disappointment, punctuated by a slow shake of the head. She looks exactly like Mum when she does that, Cara thought.

“That’s not the point. Christmas is – well, it’s Christmas. It’s the whole holiday season. My tree’s been up for weeks. And you’re going to spend Christmas morning on a bus.”

“It’s not like there’s much public transport running on Christmas Day. And it’s the cheapest fare I could get,” Cara admitted, before she could second-guess telling her sister that part. It wasn’t as though she didn’t spend a bloody fortune already, living in London. She rented one room in a five-bedroom house. Three bedrooms, technically – but who needed a dining room, or a loft, when you could convert them to bedrooms and rent them out at extortionate rates to desperate graduates trying to kick-start their careers?

Predictably, Eloise let out a snide bark of laughter, her phone screen tilting back towards the sky before she realigned it with her face. “Oh, of course. I hope you remembered to get yourself on Santa’s Naughty List this year, Car, or you’ll have to go buy that lump of coal to warm the house yourself.”

Not for the first time in this conversation, Cara resisted the urge to roll her eyes. But her cheeks did colour, and her jaw worked furiously. So what if she was trying to save money? (And by save, she really meant ‘not be broke’.) And so what if she wanted to go all out proving herself in her job to try and get a promotion in the New Year? Dave Steers was leaving his editorial role in January and she knew for a fact they were going to recruit internally, and they were looking for someone with fresh, new ideas. Which could be her.

She’d worked so bloody hard over the past eighteen-odd months since graduating. Just four months into the job at the online lifestyle magazine and they’d run with one of her pitches to work with a handful of vloggers she’d suggested. Then, just a few months ago, they’d let her head up a campaign with a hugely popular mental health charity (an idea she’d pitched in the first place), with Dave Steers lending her a hand.

He knew she was gunning for his job. So did everyone else.

And if they wanted someone to fill his shoes while he was out of office for the week leading up to Christmas – well, she was more than happy to stuff on eight pairs of socks and fill those shoes.

Eloise was ranting at her while Cara tried to get a handle on her temper and not say something she regretted. Eloise was prattling on about her lack of Christmas spirit (Had she even worn her reindeer antlers yet this year? Her Santa hat, at least?), her workaholic attitude, the fact that they’d barely seen each other since that mini-break to Amsterdam in October their parents got them as a late birthday present, and what about their parents, and –

“And it’s not like I’ll be spending it with Josh this year,” Eloise added, her tone quiet and sorry for herself.

Wow. She’d actually done it. She’d gone for the blackmail card. Guilting her twin with her own broken heart.

(Although, judging by the myriad of catastrophic Tinder conversations Eloise was always forwarding her screenshots of, Cara was willing to bet Eloise’s heart was well on the mend.)

Cara arched an eyebrow at her sister. “Really? You want to play dirty? Fine. How about this: I can’t afford to come home. I’m a poor graduate –”

“Content editorial assistant,” Eloise interjected.

“– with a space heater to keep my shitty London loft room warm because the landlord won’t fix the heating, and bugger all savings –”

“I did tell you I don’t need a Christmas present this year. Especially one from Selfridges.”

“Don’t be stupid – you love that Bumble and bumble stuff. Anyway, that’s not the point. I have to work. I need this promotion. People twice my age would kill for it. I’m lucky they’re such a new company and they’re willing to give me a chance like this. I’d have to work twenty years somewhere else for this kind of opportunity. If it means missing out on Dad’s bacon sarnies and stockings on Christmas morning, well, that’s fine by me.”

Eloise gawped at her. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.”

She was going to miss Christmas morning at home, she knew, but she wasn’t about to show Eloise any sign of weakness. The second her twin found a chink in her armour, she’d wear her down. And Eloise just didn’t get it. She never had. Everything was always so easy for her.

Cara sighed, tapped her screen again to check the time. “Look, love, I’ve got to go. I need to freshen up before I go out.”

“Is this another date with the dashing George?” Eloise’s face finally brightened up, the sullen look disappearing in an instant at the inkling of gossip. “This will be – what, your fifth date now? Where’s he taking you? Can it possibly top the couple’s cooking class he took you to? Or, no, I take that back. Date number two was my favourite. Ice skating.”

“Ice skating was a disaster. He sprained his wrist!”

“And you spent all night together in A&E laughing about it and getting to know each other. He said he only picked it because you said how much you like it. Although I’m still convinced he knew how bad he was going to be and only chose it as an excuse to hold your hand.”

Cara grinned. She’d thought exactly the same thing from the second George had wobbled out onto the ice, grasping at the side and looking at her pleadingly until she’d taken his arm.

“They’re playing White Christmas at some little cinema. We’re getting dinner – probably just a Pizza Express or something, I reckon; he’s not mentioned anything special – and then going to see the film.”

A little of the sullen look returned, Eloise’s brow furrowing. “Sure that’s not too holly jolly for you?”

“Right. Thank you. I’m going now.”

“Text me and let me know how the date goes!” Eloise shouted, leaning into the camera, as if she could force herself through it and be heard even if Cara hit the red hang-up button. Cara couldn’t help but laugh at the beyond unflattering angle, giving her a great view of three chins and right up her sister’s nostrils. “And use protection!”

“We’re not sleeping together!” Cara protested, shouting just as loud, and then blushing quickly, having forgotten her housemates for a moment. At least two of them were home: she’d heard their footsteps clattering around the house.

“Well, excuse me. I thought you had a five-date rule.”

Cara watched her ears turn red on the screen. “That’s a personal guideline. Not a guarantee. And it’s not like he’s one of those guys who pushes for it. It’s all totally PG right now. Which is just fine with me.”

Eloise ignored her squirming, instead singing, “You lurve him, you want to kiss him, you want to –”

“I’ll text you later.”

London was pretty at Christmas, in its own way. There were no rolling hills that might get a dusting of snow, no roads lined with thick rows of trees that would droop heavy with frost. And the Tube – God, the Tube was a nightmare at the worst of times. And Oxford Street, for that matter.

But there was something uplifting about the solidarity of the commuters and the tourists when Christmas tunes carried out of almost every pair of headphones and out of every shop front.

She’d been giddy with it last year. Eloise had come to visit for two days before they’d got the train back home together, and they’d spent an evening doing late-night Christmas shopping, taking dozens of photos and selfies for Instagram amidst all the lights and window displays on Oxford Street.

And it was still pretty, but this year it seemed to have lost a little of the magic.

Maybe it was because she wasn’t going home for Christmas. Maybe it was because she and her housemates had all been too busy to sort out decorating the house. Maybe it was because she’d not even watched Love Actually yet.

Or maybe Eloise was right. Maybe she was turning into Scrooge.

Although she was sure Scrooge wouldn’t have minded a free glass of prosecco on a Christmas voucher offer at Prezzo. She grinned at George as they clinked glasses over their pizzas.

(And damn if he didn’t have the cutest smile. Those dimples would make anybody swoon.)

He worked in finance, for some big firm she’d seen at all the career fairs at uni. He was two years older than her, and she’d met him through one of her housemates. (So old school, Eloise had joked, promptly regaling her sister with another story of a disastrous date with some guy she’d met through Facebook.)

They’d been seeing each other, for want of a better term, for the past month. They both worked a lot, totally threw themselves into their jobs and loved it, and they both understood when the other wanted to postpone a date to just catch up on some sleep. Or stay late at the office.

Maybe they were a perfect match.

She never really thought of herself as a hopeless romantic, but Cara really wanted that to be the case. She’d never met anyone who made her believe in the concept of Mr Right until she’d met George.

There was that guy she’d dated briefly for three months in the spring. She’d known him from school and seen online he was working in the city, and they’d chatted online for a while before agreeing to meet. He hadn’t been able to handle her working so much, and Cara had shrugged him off like a cold. She didn’t need that kind of negativity around her.

But George – George was sweet. George used online voucher codes to nab them discounted pizza and free prosecco, a bargain-hunter after her own heart. George was clean-shaven with sweeping, always-immaculate blond hair, and she’d yet to see him without his Barbour jacket. He was the kind of guy she’d like to take home to her parents. (At some point. Maybe after date number eleven. If she ever had a weekend where she wasn’t so exhausted or busy she could go back home to visit.)

And he was beyond easy to talk to. There was always something to talk about with him. And he was funny.

It was almost a shame she wasn’t going home for Christmas. Maybe she’d have asked him to come visit, so she could introduce him to her parents.

Calm down, idiot, she told herself, getting carried away with her daydreams as George told her about his office’s upcoming Christmas party, reliving anecdotes from last year’s. You’ve gone on five dates with the guy, counting this one. And texting him every day doesn’t really count. You don’t even know if he sees you as his girlfriend yet.

Eloise would’ve called her a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.

But then, Eloise quoted Christmas films all year-round. Eloise would have mince pies at Easter if she had her way.

Almost as if he could read her mind, George segued from his absurdly drunk boss at last year’s do to, “But I haven’t even asked you yet – what are your plans for Christmas? When are you off home to the family?”

She didn’t beat around the bush this time, like she had when she’d discussed it with Eloise. She just smiled, laughed breezily, and lifted her prosecco glass. “Oh, I’m not. Well, not until Christmas afternoon. I’m working through Christmas Eve.”

George’s head tilted to the side. “Is this to do with Dave’s job?”

She nodded, grateful he didn’t question her Christmas spirit. This was why she liked George so much. He got it. “Yeah. I need to show them I’m serious if I want to be in with a real chance.”

“That makes sense. And I bet you’ll actually get peace and quiet going home Christmas Day. The trains’ll be mad the couple of days before, with everyone trying to get home.”

Cara’s eyes widened, and she gestured a little too enthusiastically with her glass, almost sloshing prosecco everywhere. George smiled at it, eyes twinkling as they crinkled at the corners. “Exactly! This is what I mean! And it’s like, so much cheaper – but according to Eloise I’m just being Scrooge. I’m not, right?”

“Absolutely not! I’m staying in the city over the holidays completely. All my mates will be around for New Year’s, and I’ve got so much work to try and get through – year end deadlines, you know. My dad and step-mum said they’d like to get some winter sun, so I told them to go ahead. Might as well, eh?”

Okay, now maybe that was a step too far. “You told your parents to go away for Christmas? You won’t see them at all?”

“They’re going to come visit in the New Year. I’ve got a few days off. I’ll take them to see a show; they always like that.” He tore a pizza crust in half, concentrating on it for a moment before looking up at her through his fair eyelashes. “You could come with us, if you like. If that’s not too presumptuous. I’ve –” He cut off with a laugh, blushing. “I’ve told them all about you. Is that weird? I know we’ve only had a few dates but …”

“Oh, my God, no, I’ve done exactly the same thing with my parents about you!” Maybe the prosecco had made her bold, or maybe she was just excited to hear he was as keen on her as she was on him. Cara grinned at how relieved he looked to hear it.

They finished up their meal and walked hand-in-hand to the cinema around the corner, and Cara thought the lights all looked a little more magical already.

She wasn’t being a Scrooge. Christmas in London was already looking up.

Twenty days to Christmas
Chapter 2

“You need a hand with that?”

Eloise huffed, turning to look over her shoulder at Number 3, who was bundled up in a pea coat, woolly scarf and beanie hat, bracing himself for the cold. He smirked at her, and she doubted the offer was a serious one.

Jamie Darcy, her neighbour, put the arsey in Darcy.

And right now he looked more than a little miffed that she was blocking the stairs, jangling his car keys from the end of one of his leather-gloved fingers.

“I’m fine,” she snapped, breathing a little heavily. She was sweating inside her coat. The bloody tree wouldn’t fit in her Polo, and she’d had to take the bus. Which meant carrying the eight-foot thing up the hill to the block of flats, earning glares whenever a rogue pine needle jabbed someone who got too near. The single flight of stairs up to her front door was the real struggle, though.

Jamie stepped to one side, watching her struggle to drag it up another step. “Isn’t that a bit too big for the flat?”

He would know: the flats on this street were all identical. Six in a building, two per floor, and seven block-like buildings of them curving around the street. And while they were reasonably spacious, they probably wouldn’t fit an eight-foot tree easily.

“It’s not for my flat.” God, she really had to get to those cross-fit classes more. Or, like, at all. “It’s for the school.”

“Right. And you’re stuck with it because …?”

“Because I offered to pick it up. Because some of us like to do nice things for other people at Christmas.” And because when the head had asked her to get it, she couldn’t exactly turn around and say no, not when she’d made such a big deal out of how much she loved Christmas, getting stuck into the nativity and setting up lunchtime craft classes with the kids to make their own decorations, or decorate Christmas biscuits. Plus, she was the one who’d found a real Christmas tree within budget. She’d kind of made it her responsibility.

“Alright, hint taken. Mind out the way.”

Before she could object, he brushed past her. Apparently immune to the pine needles poking through the netting, he hoisted it up, wrapping his arms around it.

Eloise tripped out of the way, fumbling in her coat pocket for her keys and unlocking the door so Jamie could drop it just inside the hallway. He looked around, curious, taking in the wooden white-painted snowflakes hung on red string from the ceiling, the tinsel around the canvas on the wall, the reams of wrapping paper spilling out of a box she’d left out in the hallway.

“It’s like an elf threw up in here.”

“I went for an understated look this year,” she deadpanned, although it wasn’t a lie. Last year she’d tacked up those shiny concertina things all over the place. Josh had hated them though, so she’d donated them to the school after a week of him complaining.

Of course, she could have whatever she liked in the flat this year.

The thought still kind of stung.

“Yeah, looks like it.”

“Thanks for the help,” she said a little brusquely, by way of telling him to stop trying to see the rest of her flat and leave now, please.

Jamie had been in the building a couple of months before she’d moved in, in August last year, and even though they’d been polite enough to each other, he always gave the impression he had somewhere better to be. She’d never taken much of a liking to him – and Eloise prided herself on being someone who made an effort to get on with everyone. (She’d had to when Cara had always been such a social butterfly at school, the one who everyone wanted as a friend.)

“No problem. But, um, quick question – how exactly are you planning on getting that to the school? Or even back downstairs?”

“Someone’s giving me a lift. Someone with a big enough car to fit this tree. They’ll give me a hand.”

Jamie nodded, and gave her a cursory smile as he stepped back out. “Fair enough. See you.”

“Yeah, see you. Thanks again.” And she shut the door behind him.

The stress of the tree finally off her shoulders, she sagged against the door, sighing out heavily before kicking off her boots and tossing her coat and bag onto the chair she left near the door purposely for that. She’d hang the coat up later.

She flicked the kettle on and padded into the living room to put the TV on, flipping through the channels and settling on Film4. It was one of the Fast & Furious movies – not as festive as she’d have liked, but one she didn’t mind joining partway through.

The sound of the kettle boiling pulled her back to the kitchen, but not before she snapped on the fairy lights. She’d laid a string of them on the cabinet the TV sat on, and of course there were the ones on her own Christmas tree. It was a five-foot, slightly sparse-looking thing, but once she’d smothered it in tinsel and baubles and multi-coloured fairy lights (and, of course, some Cadbury tree chocolates) it was perfect.

And a sit-down with a movie for an hour was exactly what she needed, completed with a mince pie and cuppa in her snowman mug. Perfect.

Perfection was interrupted in the next ad break though, with the sound of an incoming FaceTime.

Eloise sighed, licked the last mince pie crumbs off her finger and set down the plate on the sofa before reaching for her phone and swiping the screen open. “Hi, Mum.”

She was greeted by the sound of Mele Kalikimaka playing from somewhere, and a pair of snowman deely boppers wobbled on her mum’s head.

“Why are you wearing sunglasses?” she asked, before her mum had chance to say hello.

“Oh, darling! I thought it was dark!” This was punctuated by a giddy laugh that made Eloise wonder if her parents had cracked the Christmas Baileys open a little early. Her mum swept the sunglasses off her face. “We’ve got news! Your dad’s just on FaceTime to Cara to tell her now. Actually, it was all her idea. Sort of. That boyfriend of hers, George. He gave us the idea.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We’ve booked a holiday!”

Eloise caught sight of herself in the little window on her phone: one eye squinted shut, brow furrowed, top lip pulled up on one side in utter confusion. “Um, okay. That’s nice, Mum.”

“For Christmas!”

Eloise practically heard Santa’s sleigh crash-landing to Earth.

Her mum, oblivious, carried on, talking a mile a minute, eyes glazed and mouth in a beaming smile. “See, Cara told us all about how George’s parents have booked a last-minute holiday to get some winter sun for a week over Christmas, so we had a look and oh, sweetheart, you wouldn’t believe the deal we got! A week in Tenerife, all inclusive! Absolute bargain! We fly out on the twenty-third, so we’ll be back just in time for New Year. I’d hate to miss Sandra’s New Year’s do down the pub. They put on a cracking night.”

Oh, yeah, Eloise thought bitterly, fighting hard not to say it out loud. God forbid you miss the New Year’s do at the local pub, but sure, skip Christmas; that’s not a big deal. It wasn’t like Cara hadn’t already mucked things up by deciding to travel home on Christmas Day instead of a few days earlier. It wasn’t like she wasn’t already kind of dreading her first Christmas in years without Josh and looking forward to a few days with her family more than ever. Especially with Cara. It felt like forever since they’d really hung out or spent any time together.

“I’m so glad I’ve been going to those fitness classes with the girls to shed a few pounds ready for Christmas. I don’t know where I would’ve got a swimming costume and sundresses at this time of year if I didn’t still fit into them! And your dad’s bought one of those Hawaiian shirts, a bright yellow one with big pink flowers on. Looks bloody ridiculous, of course, but there was no stopping him!”

There’s no stopping you going, either. Clearly.

“So …” Eloise swallowed the lump in her throat. Vin Diesel was back on the TV, and she reached for the remote to mute it. “So you’re going on holiday for Christmas. And Cara’s not coming home. So I’m – I’m spending Christmas all on my own.”

“Oh, no, don’t be silly! Of course you can still come home, and Cara will be here – just not first thing in the morning. And she’s said she can work from home for a day or so if she has to. And you could always go see your aunt and uncle and your cousins.”

The aunt and uncle and cousins who lived over an hour’s drive from home, who she didn’t actually talk to all that much, and only saw a few times a year since she’d gone off to uni. And who didn’t even cook a turkey on Christmas Day, because ‘it was too much hassle’.

Her mum was still going on: about the hotel (four and a half stars on TripAdvisor, you know) and the one utterly scathing review (but of course it was probably a one-off) and how close they were to the beach, and –

And Eloise could see how excited her mum was. Her dad’s voice was faint, somewhere in the background under what was now Michael Bublé’s Holly Jolly Christmas, chattering away to Cara to tell her exactly the same news. He was just as excited.

And why shouldn’t they be? They loved their sunny holidays in the Mediterranean. Of course they’d love a bit of winter sun for a change.

It wasn’t their fault she didn’t like to let on how homesick she got or how lonely she could be here.

So she plastered on a smile, asked her mum all the right questions, pretended that this was fine – they’d FaceTime from the beach! Her parents would have the best time! Of course Eloise didn’t mind! They’d send each other pictures of their Christmas dinner! Ha ha!

(God, Christmas dinner – that was always her dad’s domain … What the hell would they do? Would Cara expect her to do it all? They couldn’t not have a roast dinner on Christmas Day.)

It was all Cara’s fault. Cara and that bloody guy she was seeing, George. Eloise had only heard wonderful things about perfect, dashing, handsome George so far, but this made her kind of hate him. He’d ruined Christmas.

Cara had sort of ruined Christmas when she’d phoned a few days ago, to say she wouldn’t be there the whole day. But Eloise could just about live with that. It wouldn’t be great, but they’d still have most of the day, and it wasn’t like she’d be off to Josh’s in the evening like she had the last several Christmases.

She could live with Cara bailing on Christmas morning.

But this?

Christmas was the best time of year. For Eloise, it properly started as early as November. She’d been so excited about going back home and spending a few days with her family, watching the usual suspects on DVD, playing games, eating too much …

And now she’d be waking up on Christmas Day all alone. In a big, empty house.

Alone at Christmas.

Did it get much worse than that?