Kitabı oku: «The Life You Left»
The Life You Left
Carmel Harrington
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First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2014
Copyright © Carmel Harrington 2014
Cover photograph © Shutterstock.com
Carmel Harrington asserts the moral right
to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is
available from the British Library
This novel is entirely a work of fiction.
The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are
the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to
actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is
entirely coincidental.
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Ebook Edition © June 2014 ISBN: 9780007550548
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Contents
Copyright
Carmel Harrington
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty One
Chapter Twenty Two
Chapter Twenty Three
Chapter Twenty Four
Chapter Twenty Five
Chapter Twenty Six
Chapter Twenty Seven
Chapter Twenty Eight
Chapter Twenty Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty One
Chapter Thirty Two
Chapter Thirty Three
Chapter Thirty Four
Chapter Thirty Five
Chapter Thirty Six
Also By
About HarperImpulse
About the Publisher
Carmel Harrington
With her husband Roger and two beautiful children Amelia and Nate, Carmel Harrington lives a pretty idyllic life in Ireland, full of stories, songs, hide and seek, Mickey Mouse, walks on the beach, tickles, kisses, chocolate treats and, most of all, abundant love. To make life even more perfect, she has now fulfilled a lifetime ambition to be a writer as she is both a published author and a playwright. Her debut novel, Beyond Grace’s Rainbow, was awarded Romantic eBook of the Year 2013 at the Festival of Romantic Fiction and Kindle Book of the Year 2013 with the Peoples Book Awards.
Carmel has also written features for The Irish Independent, The Daily Mail, The Evening Herald and Womans Way.
For more information on Carmel, her writing, books and events, follow her on Twitter @happymrsh, join her on Facebook.com/happymrsh or visit her blog http://carmelharrington.com/.
This book is dedicated to my parents, Christina and Michael O’Grady.
They taught me how powerful words can be - both in written and oral form.
When I was a little girl, my mother introduced me to the magical world of libraries, and always read to us until we could do so ourselves. I have no doubt in my mind that my vivid imagination comes directly from my father, who is one in a long line of Irish storytellers. To this day he can tell a story like no other I know. For their love and support this book is for them.
I always say that I couldn’t do this, nor would I want to do this, without my husband Roger. His unfaltering belief in me sustains me and along with my children, Amelia and Nate, and my stepdaughter Eva, I am reminded every day how lucky I am to both love and be loved.
Thank you also to my mother-in-law Evelyn Harrington, who can always make me smile when she posts a letter to me, addressing it grandly to ‘Carmel Harrington, Author & Playwright’ and my siblings, Fiona & Michael, John & Fiona, Michelle & Anthony, Adrienne & George, Evelyn & Seamus and Leah, and all the nieces and nephews, Sheryl, Amy, Louis, Patrick & Matilda, who make our family wonderfully crazy and quite perfect!
To all my friends, I know how lucky I am to have you. I have too many to list, but special mention must be made to Tanya and Annie who helped with the early edits of The Life You Left. And Annie, my oldest friend, thanks for being ‘my person.’
Special thanks to all at Harper Impulse, Harper Collins and Harper 360, who work Trojan hours for their authors and I’m blessed to be one of them. I’d like to give a special mention to my editor Charlotte Ledger and Publishing Director Kimberly Young, who rumour has it, don’t sleep! I appreciate all the time you have given me and will always be grateful for your belief in me and know that I am in safe hands with you both. To my agent Tracy Brennan, of Trace Literary Agency, thank you for not only taking such good care of me, but for your friendship too. I look forward to many more ‘Thelma & Louise’ moments over the years.
A few months ago I ran a competition and the winner – Michelle McGuirk – won the chance to have a character in #TLYL named after her. I gave her the choice of whether she would like to be a goody or a baddie and I love that she chose to be bad to the bone! I hope you enjoy reading your namesake Michelle, it was a lot of fun writing her!
Finally, my last words here go to friends, readers & book reviewers who are all such loyal supporters of me and and my writing. Because of all of you, I get to follow my dream and I’ll always be grateful.
Prologue
Ballyaislinn, Co. Wexford
<Inbox (2)
To: sarahlawlor0902@yahoo.ie
From: paul.lawlor@cgqh.ie
Subject: Sorry
Sarah, I’m not coming home tonight. Don’t try to find me or call my office, I’m taking some time out to get my head sorted. If I don’t get away, I’m not sure what I’ll do.
If you love me, you will give me the space I need.
Tell the children I love them and I’ll be in touch when I can.
Paul
Sarah blinked back tears, confused and disorientated by the email she had just opened. She didn’t understand. Those meagre sentences made absolutely no sense to her and mocked her by their cruelty.
She struggled to let the words sink in but no matter how many times she re-read the email, she could not fathom what was happening. She quickly hit re-dial on her husband’s mobile, knowing that it was a futile exercise. Yes, damn it, still going to voicemail. She checked the time; it was getting close to 10pm. She hadn’t worried at first when Paul didn’t appear home for dinner. She figured that he had a late meeting and had forgotten to tell her about it. But by 8pm she was worried and started to call him. His phone kept repeating the same infuriating message.
She ran through the mornings events once again in her mind. Paul had gotten up for work at his usual time, showered and dressed himself, whilst she got the children ready for school. Mornings were always frantic in their house with Sarah making the children their breakfast and school lunches and then dressing them in their uniforms. At some point in the mayhem, Paul would leave for the office, with a quick goodbye kiss for them all if they were lucky.
She supposed he had been quiet this morning, she didn’t recall him saying one word to her really, but then again he rarely did these days. She felt scared once again. What had she missed? Their lives had become so frantic – Sarah with the three children and Paul with work, it often felt like they were ships that passed in the night.
A flash of guilt overwhelmed her, almost suffocating her. How could she have been so blind to her husband’s distress? Had they drifted so far apart that she, his wife, would not notice her husband falling apart at the seams? So bad that he was having a breakdown of such magnitude that he needed to stay away from his family. An image of Paul in a psych ward popped into her head and she reeled from it, as it evoked a memory so painful it pierced her heart. She quickly threw that image from her mind and went back to this morning. Had he seemed any different when he kissed them all goodbye? She tried to be objective but no matter how much analysis she gave to their humdrum movements, she couldn’t pinpoint anything that should have alerted her to this email.
Paul had been his usual slightly moody self but nothing new there. Her stomach started to flip again and she started to pace the living room floor, feeling that somehow or other she was to blame for all of this.
She pondered his request that she not try to find him, but decided that it was impossible to obey. She had to at least try to talk to him, so she began ringing likely candidates that he might have confided in. She started with the obvious, his mother Rita.
‘Sarah here. Is Paul with you?’
‘No, I haven’t seen Paul since last Sunday when you all came for lunch.’ Rita replied. ‘What’s wrong?’
Sarah wasn’t sure how to answer that. She glanced at the email again and quickly decided it wasn’t fair to worry Rita – yet.
‘He’s not home, that’s all.’ Sarah replied, trying hard to disguise her anguish. ‘Just a bit worried, as he’s not normally this late. I thought he might have popped into you on his way home. I’m sure he’ll walk in the door any minute.’
She could hear Rita sigh with relief in response. ‘Course he will love. Sure, Paul has always been a workaholic. He’s probably on his way home right now.’
Sarah doubted that. A feeling of foreboding overcame her and somehow or other she knew life was never going to be the same again.
Chapter One
‘Time for the big finale,’ James thought to himself. With a dramatic sigh he put his hand over his face and said, ‘and as the sun set, I held her in my arms and she died. I just feel honoured that I was with her when she breathed her last breath. And maybe in some small way I gave her some comfort at the end.’
He wiped an imaginary tear from the corner of his eye and sneaked a peak at his date. Had he overdone it this time? Maybe the tears were too much. Nope, hang on; she had bought his story, hook, line and sinker.
‘God she is beautiful,’ James thought.
She stifled back a sob and leaned in close to James. ‘Oh James,’ She whispered, ‘You were so brave.’ She then touched him on his leg and he knew he’d be getting lucky tonight. Result! The hero story never failed him.
His date was clearly mesmerised by him. At 6′2 with blonde wavy hair, worn slightly long, James had always had plenty of attention. His blue eyes normally sparkled with mischief but sometimes would show hints of hidden depths that made women desperate to be the one to unlock their secrets. He was one of those lucky people that were born with a natural charisma that attracted both men and women. Men wanted to be his friend and women in the main had more than friendship on their minds when they met him.
The sound of his mobile phone blaring out Eliza Doolittle’s Pack Up interrupted his daydream of how the night was likely to end. Glancing at the handset, he saw that it was Sarah. He ignored the phone and said to the blonde, ‘Let them leave a message, nothing is more important than this, right now, with you.’ She really seemed to like the cheesy lines. She was practically purring – some girls were just too easy to play.
Momentarily he felt a wave of guilt assuage him. He knew that after a few dates he wouldn’t be interested in seeing her again. He just wanted some fun and had no intention of settling down with anyone, just yet. He’d grown up in a house with parents who at best were polite to each other, but on a daily basis made it quite obvious that whatever love had drawn them towards each other at the beginning had long since died. In his career as a private detective, he’d also seen more unfaithful marriages than he’d had chicken curries. From his experience there weren’t very many happy ever afters anymore, any excuse and one or the other of the couple was jumping into bed with someone else.
And what about his sister, Sarah? Sure he’d watched her fall apart these past few weeks since Paul had done his vanishing act.
What he wouldn’t give for five minutes with that man!
A hand gently touching his shoulder brought him back to his present situation and the hot blonde seated in front of him. He brushed aside any guilt he may have felt; after all they were both adults and he never promised any of the girls he dated anything more than they got. He had a firm rule that he always detangled himself before the fourth date. In his experience it was after this dating milestone that most girls started humming the wedding march.
He could see Sarah’s disapproving face in his mind’s eye and once again felt a slight twinge of guilt. But one look at his date’s long bronzed legs and that guilt disappeared. He was just about to make a suggestion of a nightcap back at his house when his phone beeped with a new text message. It was Sarah again. He clicked open the message on his phone. Two words glared back at him.
Edward’s back.
This was bad. Even though Sarah had not mentioned Edward in years, James knew immediately to whom she was referring. The aftermath of Edwardgate still left a mark on both of them.
‘Sorry, I’ve got to go.’ James leaned in with genuine regret and kissed the blonde on the cheek, slightly amused by the look of astonishment on her face.
James could see his date beginning to panic at the sudden realisation that James really was leaving. He smiled at her with genuine regret, she did seem like a nice girl, but he was needed at Sarah’s and that came first.
‘What’s wrong?’ She asked.
‘Edward’s back.’ James replied.
‘Edward?’ She asked puzzled. ‘Who’s Edward?’
‘Trouble, that’s who Edward is, a whole lot of trouble.’ James replied and with that ran to his car, texting Sarah as he went that he was on his way.
Chapter Two
‘OK kids, bedtime,’ Sarah said to her children. ‘You’ve already had an extra five minutes, Tommy, so don’t even think about asking for any more!’
Tommy made a face; he had just been about to ask for more time, how did his mother do that? She always seemed to know what he was about to say before he opened his mouth. At 8 years old, Tommy was already a heartbreaker; big brown eyes with a mop of brown curly hair. He was the image of his Daddy, getting more like him every day. Her son was a bundle of mischief, with unlimited energy that always amazed his parents. He never sat still for even a second. Lately though, he was a lot quieter than normal. Sarah knew that he missed having his Daddy around; she could see the effect of Paul’s absence on Tommy’s face more than with her two girls.
Ruffling his hair, she gently guided him to the door where Katie was already waiting for them, a mock stern frown on her little face as she confronted her big brother.
‘Come on Tommy. We did promise Mammy we’d go to bed in five minutes.’ This was said in a voice that sounded very like her own, Sarah realised with a smile. Her little girl had always been her shadow, mimicking her. She sometimes felt sorry for Tommy as he often had two Mammy’s to deal with, but he seemed amused rather than irritated by his sisters stance. At seven, one year younger than Tommy, Sarah marvelled at how grown up her little girl had become. If Tommy was the image of his Daddy, then Katie was a miniature version of her. Both Sarah and Katie had straight, thick sandy blonde hair, blue eyes and sallow skin. Sarah said a quick prayer that Katie wouldn’t inherit her big hips and thighs too. She’d always hoped that Paul’s fast metabolism and ability to never to put on an ounce of fat would be bestowed on all of her children, rather than her own ‘glance at an éclair and go up 2lbs’ one. Time would tell.
‘Teeth, face, hands, you know the drill,’ Sarah said gently to them both as they walked up to their bedroom. ‘I’ll be there in five minutes to read your bedtime story.’
While Tommy and Katie got ready for bed, Sarah went to check on Ella, her eight month old baby daughter. She felt her heart contract with emotion as she gazed down at her little angel fast asleep. As normal, she had managed to do a full 180 degree spin and was at the bottom of the cot pressed right to the edge. Sarah gently moved her back to the middle, caressing her baby’s cheek as she whispered to her, ‘Mammy loves you Ella, always remember that.’ Ella was dark and looked just like Tommy did at that age, already with masses of dark curly hair framing perfect round little cheeks and a rose bud mouth. Not for the first time Sarah wondered how on earth Paul could stay away from his children? Surely, no matter what was going on with him, being with his family, his children should be the best place to be? How could he just leave this life behind? Creeping away carefully avoiding the creaky floorboard in the middle of the floor, she walked next door to read the children their bed time story.
‘Right, where are we kids? Did we stop on Chapter five last night?’ Sarah asked picking up the storybook.
‘Yes, Chapter five Mammy! Start it quickly!’ Katie squealed, excitement flushing her face. Sarah was reading the Roald Dahl classic Charlie and the Chocolate Factory every night. She would read them one chapter per night and on a Saturday and Sunday night they got two chapters. It was one of the first books that Sarah had read as a child by herself and she loved reliving the excitement of Charlie Bucket and Willie Wonka with her own children now. The chocolate factory and the golden ticket had been an escape for Sarah as a child, when things were out of control and scary. Her parents disapproving faces flashed into her mind, but she quickly pushed that image away and started to read.
‘“You mean people are actually going to be allowed inside the factory? Cried Grandpa Joe”’, Sarah began. She looked at her children, their eyes wide with wonder at the words Roald Dahl had created. She knew that both Tommy and Katie were wishing they were Charlie Bucket, just as millions of other children had done for decades before them, Sarah herself included. Ten minutes later she finished the chapter and smiled as she noted the children’s eyes heavy with sleep.
‘See you in my dreams, my darlings.’ Sarah said to them both. ‘Where will we meet tonight?’
‘Chocolate Land,’ Katie said excitedly.
‘You want to go there every night.’ Tommy said disdainfully.
‘Please,’ Katie begged. ‘And you love Chocolate Land!’
‘OK, Chocolate Land again.’ Tommy said quickly, giving in with a grin.
Smiling at them both, Sarah said, ‘Ok, Chocolate Land it is. I’ll meet you by the big Toblerone oak tree!’
‘And we’ll go swimming in the Dairy Milk pool!’ Katie added.
‘And eat the marshmallow clouds!’ Tommy piped in.
‘And pick Jelly Tot flowers!’ Sarah said smiling as she turned to go. ‘Night night both of you. Close your eyes and get dreaming. We’ve lots of chocolate to eat in our dreams tonight!’
Sarah walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine, her favourite Pinot Noir. It was only €4.99 and really pretty decent for that price. ‘Thank God for German retailers and their cheap wine’, she thought to herself. She rarely had a drink anymore, as she couldn’t justify the cost. But tonight, dwindling bank account or not, she needed something to help take the edge off. Glancing at her kitchen clock she realised James would be here any minute and right on cue, the doorbell rang. Opening the door, she looked at him and felt her lip begin to quiver, tears about to fall, so he pulled her tightly into his arms.
‘I’m so glad you came.’ Sarah said to him relief enveloping her immediately as she relaxed into his embrace. She always felt safe when James was with her.
‘Of course I came.’ James said tenderly. He loved her so much it was agony to see her so upset. He pulled back and looked at her closely.
‘OK, shoot. When did Edward come back?’
Sarah looked at her twin brother and wondered where to start. At first she thought it was her imagination that someone was watching her. But the sense had gotten stronger this past week.
‘It started after Paul left.’ Sarah said. ‘You know that feeling like someone has walked over your grave?’
James nodded, shuddering despite himself.
‘Well it’s kind of like that. I knew I was being watched but no matter how quickly I’d turn to check, there was never anyone there.’
‘You’ve been under a lot of pressure lately. Between money worries, being on your own with three kids and working crazy hours, it’s enough to put anyone on their last nerve.’ James said.
Sarah acknowledged this with a nod. ‘It’s more than that though. It’s such a strange feeling, it’s not too bad when I’m working, or when the kids are with me. But when they are all asleep and I’m in this house on my own, well it can get a bit scary….’
‘When did you suspect it was Edward?’ James asked, feeling a little ashamed that he’d nearly switched his phone off earlier.
‘It’s weird, I’ve had a sense of déjà vu for weeks, but I couldn’t quite place why. Now I can’t believe that Edward didn’t cross my mind. How stupid was I not to even think of him? But what with everything going on these past few weeks, I’ve not been sleeping well.’
James looked closely at her and could see fear etched on her face. The last time Edward was around resulted in Sarah being committed to a psych ward and James had to watch, helpless as his sister was dragged away from him kicking and screaming. There was no way on this earth he was going to let that happen again. He hadn’t heard Sarah mention Edward’s name in nearly two decades. But the impact he had made on both their lives ensured he’d never forgotten him and although Sarah didn’t talk about that time anymore, he would have bet his house that she remembered every detail of that time clearly too.
‘I’m not crazy, James.’ Sarah said suddenly with tears in her eyes. ‘I wasn’t then and I’m not now.’
‘I know that. You don’t need to say that to me Saz; I never believed you were crazy back then and you are one of the sanest people I know today.’
‘You haven’t called me Saz since we were kids.’ Sarah said smiling at her brother.
‘Ah, you’ll always be Saz to me.’ He said affectionately.
Sarah sighed and continued. ‘But Mam and Dad thought I was crazy didn’t they? They had me committed. They still look at me like I’m a raving lunatic even now. Like I’m going to have a One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest episode any minute. I always feel that Mam would use any excuse to get her hands on the kids. She has something negative to say every single time she comes into this house.’
Sarah looked around her living room. It was lived in but pretty tidy, considering she had three children. ‘I don’t know how she does it, but she always seems to arrive on the one day that the house is messy and I’ve no food in! If she thought I was having one of my ‘episodes’ again as she called them, that would be it, she’d be onto Child Protection and looking for custody!’
‘That would be over my dead body, Sarah. You’re a fantastic mother and even Mam and Dad would have to agree to that. Forget about the folks for now, they are not important. Sure, how often do they visit, once or twice a year? Get back to Edward.’ James reassured her quickly.
She took a large gulp of her wine; the alcohol helped to relax her.
‘When the kids went to bed last night I was tidying up the sitting room. I was putting their toys away in the toy box and I had that feeling again. I looked up, but this time somebody was there, standing in the corner of the room. Over there.’ Sarah pointed to the area.
James looked, half expecting to see Edward there right now. ‘It was him.’ Sarah said. ‘The craziest thing though, he hasn’t changed in the slightest. Three decades later, I’m unrecognisable, but him, he’s the same.’
‘You must have gotten such a fright. What did he say?’ James replied.
‘Nothing at all, at least he said nothing last night. He just smiled at me. It was the most beautiful smile and I got lost in it for a few minutes. I’d forgotten how his smile could make me feel like I was a child again. I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them again, he was gone. It all happened so quickly, I actually thought I’d imagined the whole thing.’
This time it was James who took a large gulp of wine. They sat in silence. Each in their own thoughts.
‘You said he didn’t say anything last night; can I assume he’s been back again?’ James eventually asked.
‘Yep, he was here this morning, after the kids went to school. Ella was having her nap. And when I came downstairs from her room, he was sitting at the kitchen table.’
‘Cosy.’ James said wryly. ‘What does he want, why come back after all this time?’
‘Exactly what I thought. Why now? I mean life couldn’t be more hectic for me; I haven’t time to wash my hair some days, never mind deal with all this. These days I’m running around so much I swear one day I’ll meet myself coming backwards!’
They both smiled at that. Gathering herself, Sarah continued. ‘At first he just sat there. I joined him and he smiled at me again. It was very peaceful, very quiet just sitting there together. I felt like in that moment we were both reconnecting, catching up with each other, without the need for words. Oh, it’s hard to explain.’ Sarah ended with a sigh.
James reached over and grabbed his sister’s hand. As hard as it was for Sarah to explain, it was very hard for him to take in too. Somehow it had been easier to understand Sarah and Edward when he was a child.
‘Eventually he spoke and he simply said “It’s time.”’ Sarah said.
‘It’s time for what?’ James spluttered.
‘He said that he knew that seeing him again after all this time was a shock. He knew I’d need to adjust to having him around again, but I need to believe in myself and acknowledge my gift. And after I acknowledged it I need to start using it!’
Sarah glanced at James. He looked a bit shell-shocked. He was the one person who had always believed in her, but she knew he was struggling to take all this in right now. Taking a deep breath she continued. ‘He just kept saying over and over that I’ve been ignoring this gift for far too long and now the time has come for me to step forward and start helping others.’
‘What gift is he talking about?’
‘Oh you haven’t heard the best bit. It gets better.’ Sarah said with a sigh. ‘He told me that there was a young girl who needed my help. That she’d been murdered … And that I could help bring her murderer to justice.’ Sarah shivered at just the thought.
‘For feck’s sake Sarah.’ James replied.
‘Pretty much my reaction too.’ Sarah replied. ‘I’m no Sherlock Holmes; I’m a shop assistant for heaven’s sake! If anyone around here is going to solve a murder that would be you.’
‘Thankfully not many murders around here for me or anyone else to solve,’ James replied. As a private investigator, with his own business, he did a lot of freelance work for insurance agencies, sifting out the fraudsters looking for big claims. Not to mention the considerable amount of clients who booked him to investigate their spouses and see if they were having an affair. All pretty mundane stuff.
‘Well I hope Edward has gotten it wrong.’ Sarah said. ‘The thought of me even being slightly involved in a murder makes me feel sick.’
James topped her glass up with some more wine as he couldn’t think of anything useful to say.
‘Apparently I’m to go see a woman who lives in Arklow and have a chat with her. He told me to write down her name and address.’ She continued, as she showed the piece of paper to James where she had written her name down.
‘Mary Donegan. 5 Riverside Apartments, Arklow.’ James read. ‘Why do you have to go there? Some random woman you have to go knock on the door to, will she be expecting us? Is she even real?’
‘I know it sounds crazy, doesn’t it?’ Sarah answered. ‘But I’ve looked her up online. She lives there alright. She exists.’
Her head was banging with a growing headache that felt like it was about to explode. Over the years she had thought about Edward and the impact he had on her life when she was a child. Life was so hectic with the kids, she just didn’t have time to worry about something that had happened nearly thirty years ago and, as far as she knew, would never happen again.
She glanced at James who was frowning. She’d had a few hours to digest the news that Edward was back; James had just had a few minutes. Plus, to be fair to her brother, James had never actually met Edward; he only ever had her word that he even existed. The fact that he always believed her left her in grateful awe. Sarah knew that it was extremely difficult for most people to understand and believe in something that they couldn’t see or touch. That was why she had kept Edward’s existence a secret for so long, not even sharing with Paul. Would he have believed her? Her instinct was no. He would have reacted the same way as her parents. They all thought she was crazy, and if she was honest who could really blame them? How could you expect people to believe that your best friend was in fact, a guardian angel?
Chapter Three
Sarah sat up with a start. A line of perspiration glistened on her forehead. She was shivering, despite the heavy duvet covering her body.
She leaned over and flicked on her bedside lamp, checking her watch as she did. It was 3.06 a.m. She knew there was no point in trying to go back to sleep. From experience, it would be at least an hour before that would happen, if at all. She had just awoken from a particularly bad nightmare. Already, as is often the way with dreams, the details of it were beginning to get murky. Unfortunately one image kept flashing into her mind, one she would have been happy to lose.
A young woman lying on the beach. Naked. Covered in blood.
‘You look tired.’ James said to Sarah when he was round at the house later that day.
‘I had a nightmare last night, didn’t get a huge amount of sleep. Thanks for coming with me by the way.’ Sarah said to her brother.
‘No worries. Sure this one could be a complete nut-job. There’s no way you are doing this on your own!’ James said emphatically.
‘She could be a nut-job just like me, you mean?’ Sarah asked playfully.
James replied in kind, ‘You? Nut-job? No! But for the craic let’s just summarise. An angel called Edward, who used to be your best friend when you were a child, has casually rocked up into your kitchen. Incidentally because of your insistence that Edward was real and not a figment of your imagination, you were committed by Mam and Dad for psychiatric assessment, thereafter you spent years in and out of therapy. Now the bold Eddy, enigmatic as ever is saying very little, except that you have a gift. As yet we don’t know what this is. I’d have put money on that it’s your finesse at baking, but not sure that’s what Eddy is talking about! Now that doesn’t make you sound like a Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut bar in the slightest!’
Sarah laughed at this, thank god for James; he was making this so much easier.
‘And to top it all off, this ability of yours is expected to help solve a murder of which we know nothing about. Eddy reckons we need to speak to some lady called Mary Donegan. So here we are outside some random woman’s home, about to knock on her door and say hello.’ James took an imaginary bow.
‘Why Watson, thank you for that summary.’ Sarah said with a smile. ‘Think that just about covers it! As much as I’m enjoying listening to you, I suppose we better get this show on the road. I’ve got to get back to collect the kids from Rita’s house by tea time.’
Sarah knew a lot of people didn’t have time for their mothers-in-law, but for Sarah it was the opposite. Rita was a godsend to her.
‘She heard anything from that loser of a son of hers?’ James asked.
‘He has a name, James.’ Sarah said with a sigh. ‘And no, she hasn’t heard anything from Paul in weeks either.’
‘He doesn’t deserve to be called by his first name, in my opinion.’ James retorted. He could feel himself getting angry again, as he always did whenever Paul came into his mind. ‘How can he leave a wife with three children, one only a small baby? What kind of man does that?’
Sarah could feel her head thumping again. ‘Please James, not now. I can’t deal with Paul on top of all this. I know you’re right. It’s not fair, but there’s extenuating circumstances. He says he’s having a breakdown. He can’t help himself.’
‘That’s a load of bullsh…’ Seeing Sarah’s face, he stopped himself. ‘Ok, I’ll leave it, but he just gets me so wound up.’
She was close to tears, as she often was whenever her wayward husband’s name came up.
‘Hey Sarah, don’t cry. I’ll zip it about Paul, promise. Come on, let’s go meet this Mary one and see what she has to say! Wonder what age she is?’ James wondered out loud. ‘She could be hot! Hey!’ James yelped as his sister punched him on his arm. ‘What was that for?’
‘We’re not here for you to get your next victim lined up!’ Sarah said with a laugh. ‘Come on, behave. I don’t care if she looks like Angelina Jolie; keep your hands to yourself!’
‘Hey, less of the victim, if you please. I’ll have you know that all my girlfriends are very well looked after by me. Hey!’ He yelped again. ‘Leave out the hitting. You have some right hook on you! I promise I’ll behave. There will be no chatting up of anyone. But if she’s anything like Angelina, all bets are off!’
They rang the doorbell and waited with nervous anticipation. Sarah had no idea who or what to expect.
With that the door opened and a tiny woman, no more than five feet peeped out. She was middle aged but hard to determine what side of fifty she was on. Her face was lined, not from frowning but with what Sarah guessed were laughter lines. She was plump and exuded warmth, and Sarah felt the urge to throw herself into her arms for a hug. Pulling herself together, she simply smiled at her. Mary smiled back, an expectant look on her face.
‘Hello’ Sarah stammered. ‘My name is Sarah Lawler. This is my brother, James. Are you Mary Donegan?’
‘Yes, I am.’ Mary replied with a friendly smile. ‘How can I help you?’
Sarah wasn’t sure where to start. ‘Erm, it’s a bit tricky this. I’m not really sure why I’m here. I was told to come and see you.’
‘Who told you to come see me, pet?’ Mary answered smiling, like it was the most normal thing in the world to have such a conversation.
‘Edward did.’
‘And who is that? Is he a friend of yours?’ Mary continued.
‘Well this is the tricky bit. You’ll probably not believe me, not sure I would believe me either. Edward is a friend of mine. But most people can’t see him.’ Sarah blurted out quickly reddening up to her ears. She held her breath, never taking her eyes of Mary, wondering what the response was going to be. She half expected the door to be slammed in their faces.
Mary continued smiling and then opened her door fully, ‘Oh that explains it! You should have said so sooner dear. Come on in so, both of you.’
They walked into the apartment and Sarah was surprised at what she saw. The apartment was ultra-modern and chic. It was clutter free and was decorated in varying shades of white and cream, the only splashes of colour on the wall were the art, which were contemporary. It seemed to contradict the first impression Sarah had formed of Mary, which was a mother earth type.
‘What a beautiful apartment.’ Sarah complimented.
‘Thank you.’ Mary nodded and smiled again. ‘It suits me very well. One of the advantages of being on one’s own is that you get to decorate your home to exactly your own tastes. No need to take into account anyone else’s requirements!’
‘Well it’s very chic.’ Sarah replied a little in awe. Her mind flitted to her chaotic house that always looked cluttered no matter how much she tidied up.
Mary indicated that they should sit down in the big open plan living space. ‘So, you have met your guardian angel, Edward, you said?’ Mary asked. ‘How lovely.’
‘You believe me? You know he’s an angel?’ Sarah asked incredulously.
‘Of course. Why wouldn’t I? Sure we all have a guardian angel.’
‘Even me?’ James said startled.
‘Yes, even you.’ Mary replied with a laugh. ‘Your angel is called Lorna.’
‘A girl! I might have known!’ Sarah said with a laugh.
‘What’s she look like?’ James asked Mary excitedly.
‘She’s very beautiful, tall with long blonde hair. All angels are beautiful. She has a message for you actually.’ Mary said dramatically, winking to Sarah as she turned to him.
James nearly fell off the edge of the 18th century white chaise longue he was perched on. ‘What message?’ He whispered. He was feeling excited now.
‘She asked would you mind changing your chat-up story, she’s getting a bit bored of the dying children in the orphanage tale.’
James paled at this. Sarah yelped with laughter. ‘Please tell me you’re not still using that line – ‘I held a dying child in my arms as she breathed her last breath!’ story? You are unbelievable.’
James went from white to red. ‘How on earth does she know that?’ He spluttered.
Mary just smiled at him.
‘In my defence I send money to Chernobyl every month.’ James added lamely.
‘Shame on you.’ Sarah added, shaking her head.
Mary smiled herself. ‘Your angel is with you whenever you need her. But angels have a good sense of humour you know. I have a feeling that Lorna is having a little joke here, teasing you about your love life!’
‘Well you can assure her I’ll not use that line again.’ James replied with a slight sniff. ‘I’ll come up with something new to keep her amused!’
Making a face at James, Sarah whispered, ‘Calm down, focus on why we’re here.’
‘Mary, do you know why Edward sent me to see you?’ Sarah asked. ‘Have you spoken to him too?’
‘No. But he’s here now, alongside my own guardian angel, Diana. Look, see for yourself.’
Sarah turned around and sure enough Edward was standing there, smiling at her.
‘Hi Edward,’ Sarah said with a smile. ‘How come I can see Edward but not the other two angels? Yet you can see all of them?’
‘Oh but you could see them if you wanted to, Sarah.’ Mary replied. ‘You just need to open your eyes and really look. All in good time.’
Sarah looked again. No, still only Edward. Frustrated, she turned to Mary. ‘Why am I here?’
Mary walked over and sat close beside Sarah on the couch. She took her two hands in hers. ‘Well, pet, I have a feeling that you and I are going to be great friends. You’re going to need someone to help you understand and come to terms with your gift. And as I have that gift too, I know how much of a curse and a blessing it can be.
‘What gift?’ Both James and Sarah said at the same time.
‘Why, you have the gift of being psychic, pet. You just have to believe in the power that is within you.’
Chapter Four
Mary felt sorry for the young woman sitting in front of her. Her revelation was clearly a big shock. For her it had been very different. There wasn’t a memory for Mary that didn’t include Diana. Every night while she slept as a child, Diana would exude a soft white glow that covered Mary in a blanket of safety and security. Her parents never questioned Mary’s relationship with Diana. In fact they welcomed it; saw it as a gift from God. It didn’t take her psychic powers to work out that it was a very different story for Sarah. She wondered what traumas Sarah had endured as a child, what lay beneath that façade she had created for herself. She’d find all that out in time she figured. For now, she needed to help Sarah understand the role of angels, help her come to terms with her revelation.
‘What do you know about angels?’ Mary asked. She’d made them all a pot of tea. She served it in a beautiful silver tea service, with pretty china tea cups and saucers, with such a delicate pattern of pale green and pink flowers. She also produced a cake stand filled with cupcakes with a pistachio green frosting on top.
‘Wowsers.’ James whispered, as he grabbed a cupcake.
‘I don’t really know much about them at all.’ Sarah admitted. ‘After Edward disappeared when I was a child, I tried my very best to block any reference to them I came across. I suppose that probably seems strange to you.’
‘Not strange at all. I look forward to hearing your story about how you met Edward, but first of all let me tell you what I’ve learned over the past fifty years or so about them.’ Taking a bite of one of the cupcakes, she mumbled, ‘My one vice, pet. I can’t get enough of cupcakes. Little pieces of heaven these are.’
James was happily munching on his second one and grunted his agreement.
Putting down her tea, Mary started, ‘Well, let me see, what can I tell you? Let’s start at the beginning; guardian angels have been popping up in literature for over 4000 years now. Some believe that angels are sent by God to bring messages to people who are in critical situations. These messages from God can be either a warning or a comfort in times of danger and fear.’
Mary couldn’t help but notice the look that James threw in Sarah’s direction.
‘I’m wondering, if it’s not too personal, is that why Edward is here right now for you? Have things been difficult for you lately? Are you in need of comfort?’
Sarah smiled wryly. ‘I suppose you could say that. I’m on my own at the moment. My husband disappeared a few weeks ago without any warning that something was wrong. He’s having a breakdown of some kind and needs to be on his own. But I’m coping the best I can. I have no other choice but to. You have to with three children.’ Her voice cracked at the end.
‘Don’t put a brave face on it!’ James exploded. ‘He left with nothing but a weak cowardly email saying I’m sorry! It’s been horrendous for you and the children. Especially the older two, Tommy and Katie, sure they don’t know why their Daddy has disappeared.’
Sarah turned to Edward, looking into his black eyes. ‘Is that why you’ve come back, Edward?’ She asked him. ‘Because my life is a complete mess?’
Edward walked over to Sarah and gently said, ‘I’ve never left you, I’ve always been here right by your side – through every magical and wondrous time of your life to date. On your wedding day. For each of your children’s births. I was with you the whole time. But in answer to your question, yes, part of the reason why I’ve shown myself again to you is because I want to help you now. I want to give you solace and guide you.’
‘What did he say?’ James asked. ‘This is so annoying, not being able to hear both sides of a conversation!’
Sarah smiled at her brother’s irritation. ‘He said yes, in part he’s here to comfort me because things are hard.’ She turned to Mary and asked, ‘Can you tell me more about them – our guardians? Help me understand.’
‘Of course I can. We mere mortals don’t see everything. We only see what we want to. So angels are here to point out what our careless eyes can’t take in.’
‘Why doesn’t God just tell us himself, cut out the middle man?’ James asked.
Mary smiled as she said, ‘You have a wonderful way of seeing things, James. But I think that God would be way too much for most of us to take in. Think of guardian angels as diplomatic envoys if you like.’
‘Diplomatic envoys. I like that.’ James said with a smile. ‘That’s kind of cool, sis.’
Sarah smiled and continued. ‘Edward hasn’t aged at all since I last saw him, Mary. Do they have a lifespan like humans?’
‘That’s a good question, Sarah. But no, angels don’t decay or die, they are spiritual beings. They can think and hold conversations with us. They each have their own identities. And truth be told we are learning continuously about them and their powers, with more and more people believing in them.’
‘I had a girlfriend once who had lots of angel figurines all over her house.’ James interjected. ‘She got them from a shop that sells angel stuff in Wexford.’
Mary smiled at this. ‘Yes, the concept of angels is becoming popular. I think some people need to believe in something bigger than themselves. Especially right now with the way things are in Ireland.’
They all nodded in agreement to this. The recent recession of the past few years affected so many.
‘Everybody has a guardian angel.’ Mary continued. ‘At some point or other everyone has had contact from their angel, even if they didn’t recognise it as that. Have you ever had days where you kept finding pennies?’
Both James and Sarah nodded yes.
‘I found one this morning!’ James said in awe. ‘A cent was on the doorstep when I was leaving to head to work.’
‘That was Lorna letting you know she was with you today. I call those Pennies from Heaven. Often if you look at the penny you found and take a note of the date on it, it will have some significance. Other gifts from angels are white feathers. These are the most common form of angel communication. When we unconsciously ask for guidance from angels, they will often send us signs with the answers we seek.’
Mary stopped speaking for a few minutes. Sarah and James needed time to digest all the information she’d thrown at them.
‘Drink up, pet.’ Mary said to James. ‘It’s a blend of Monkey Picked Oolong and Silver Needle White tea. It’s quite delicious.’
James couldn’t help but agree. It was the nicest cuppa albeit the strangest afternoon tea he’d ever experienced. He half expected Alice to come running in followed by the Mad Hatter.
Turning to Sarah again, Mary continued, ‘Every person has some innate psychic medium skill within them, and all of us are capable of seeing, communicating, and even working with our guardian angels. But most of us just ignore that side of ourselves. And then for some of us, pet, we have extraordinary psychic skills.’
‘Psychic powers?’ Sarah repeated, looking more and more bemused.
James put down his tea too. Taking a deep breath, he said. ‘So basically all of us could see and communicate with our guardian angels if we wanted to?’
Mary nodded her confirmation to this so James continued. ‘How come I can’t then? I’m open to it. I’ve watched my sister talk to her angel for years as a kid. Yet never did I see either Eddy or Lorna. Why’s that?’
‘It’s not as simple as just wanting to see our angel.’ Mary responded. ‘We have to trust in our inborn psychic potential to link up with these divine entities. And that’s not something that most of us have the ability to do. Sarah however, she’s different.’
Sarah was reeling. ‘It’s a lot to take in, Mary.’ She stated. ‘I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. What exactly am I supposed to do?’
‘You need to start working with Edward. Open your mind to him, talk to him, and allow him to guide you. Some of today's most powerful psychic mediums work with guardian angels. You’re probably going to start having some new and different experiences. For now go home, try to come to terms with Edward’s presence. And start looking at life with a fresh pair of eyes. You may start to see and feel things that will shock you.’
Sarah and James got up to leave. This time Sarah followed her first instinct and gave Mary a huge hug. She felt instinctively close to her, an immediate bond had formed between them and quite happily stayed in the embrace.
Walking to the car with James, he whispered, ‘Don’t you dare begin to see my angel! ‘I can just about get my head around Edward, but I’ll not cope with a disapproving angel who can tell tales to my sister!’
Sarah laughed as she got in the car thanking her lucky stars once again that she had James with her. He never let her down and was there for her. She thought of Paul and how it should really be him beside her right now, helping get through this revelation she had just received from Mary. But somehow or other, even if Paul hadn’t left home, she doubted he would have been sitting beside her. The thought sobered her.
At what point in her marriage had it become normal that Paul wouldn’t be with her either emotionally or physically when she needed him most? She felt a single tear fall onto her lap and felt a now familiar surge of panic overtake her, her breath becoming shallow again. It was all too much. She’d been putting off so many things lately, her AWOL husband and her financial crisis at the top of the list. She knew it was time to sit down and take a good look at how bad things were.
Once the children were in bed, Sarah sat down with a cup of tea and opened her laptop to check her online bank account. She needed to do an immediate assessment of her current financial situation.
Every day she woke up and the first thought she had was, is it today that Paul comes home? She repeated to herself over and over throughout the day, it will be ok once Paul is back, he’ll know what to do. But as the days became weeks, the hope for his return was replaced treble fold with despair. Surely whatever mental state he was in wasn’t so bad that he would forget about his responsibilities? She massaged her temples, a blinding headache beginning. She was getting a lot of them lately.
She looked down at the ever increasing pile of brown envelopes in front of her. Taking a deep breath she started to organise them into three piles – First request, Second Request and Final Demand. The pile for Final Demand with big, ugly, red lettering over them was the biggest; no surprise really.
She took out her calculator and started to add up how much she owed in each pile. As the sum got higher and higher, the more overwhelmed she felt. Her wages from the boutique didn’t even make a small dent in how much she owed, plus she still had to pay their mortgage and feed them all.
Nervous breakdown or not, Paul was going to have to come home and answer some questions. She couldn’t do this on her own. Closing her eyes she leaned back into the soft cushion on her sofa. She felt herself drifting off and soon was fast asleep.
An hour later she awoke, feeling cold. She’d stopped putting the fire on in the sitting room, to save on fuel costs, but the room had gotten quite chilly. Pulling her cardigan around her more tightly, she shivered as she remembered the dream she’d just had.
A woman loads a dishwasher. A man walks into the kitchen and looks at this woman. Evil exudes from his every pore. His disdain for the woman is impossible to ignore. Whoever this lady is, she’s in danger.
Chapter Five
‘Come on, lazy bones,’ Molly shouted to her husband, Pat.
‘I’m on my way, woman,’ he answered good-naturedly. ‘I must be mad agreeing to a walk at this ungodly hour!’
It was 7.30 a.m. on a bright October morning and the elderly couple had arrived at Ballyaislinn beach, ready to have an early morning stroll.
‘You heard what the doctor told you,’ Molly continued, getting ready to go into full monologue. ‘Exercise and a healthy diet are very important for a man in your condition.’
Shaking his head, Pat knew there was no point arguing with his wife. Plus, he knew she was right. He had gotten pretty lazy since his retirement the year before. The most exercise he managed to get these days was switching the TV channels.
Catching his wife by her hand, the couple started their walk, chatting amicably about their grandchildren’s forthcoming visit that weekend.
After a few minutes, Molly paused as she heard a noise.
‘Did you hear that, Pat?’ she asked her husband.
He stopped beside his wife and listened, ready to tease her about hearing things. But he did hear something. ‘Yes. You’re right. Sounds like a baby crying, almost.’
They stood for another minute trying to work out the direction of the noise and then together walked from the shore towards the dune in front of them, where they felt the noise was coming from.
‘That’s definitely not a baby,’ Molly said suddenly. ‘That’s an animal of some kind. It sounds like a dog keening.’
Walking up the dune, Molly and Pat started to have a poke around the green dune grasses.
Molly stopped and grabbed her husband by the arm.
‘Let’s go home, Pat.’ She shivered despite the warm anorak she was wearing. Somehow she knew that whatever was over to her left would not be good.
‘You stay here, love.’ Pat said. ‘I’ll go check out this noise.’
Shaking her head, Molly indicated that she would be going with her husband if there was any investigating to do.
The couple ran over to the area where the noise was originating and then stopped suddenly. Never in their lives had they ever witnessed anything so terrible. Lying in the dunes, naked and bloodied beyond recognition was a body of a woman. Beside the woman almost as if keeping guard was a dog, also injured, with a large bloody gash across its body. It was the dog that was making the keening noise. Even without checking, Pat and Molly knew that the woman was dead. Had been for quite a while it seemed.
‘Molly, go call the Gardaí. Go on now, love.’ Pat shouted at his immobile wife.
‘I’m not leaving you here. What if whoever did this is still around?’ she asked in a terrified voice.
‘Whoever did this is long gone.’ He answered. He, of course, didn’t know this, but taking in the scene it looked to him like this had happened hours before.
‘Go get help, Molly.’ He finished more gently. He walked over to the body of the woman and carefully felt for a pulse. He didn’t expect to find one but he had to look.
He took no delight in being correct in his assumption. The poor woman was dead. He automatically crossed himself.
Shaking his head, Pat turned to the dog. ‘Here, boy.’ Pat said gently patting the dog’s head. ‘You hang in there.’
The dog looked up at Pat and he swore he saw tears in its eyes. He wasn’t sure what to do, but wait for Molly and help. Taking off his jacket he laid it gently over the dog and the woman. He didn’t think the dog was going to last much longer.
Sarah felt like her whole body was reeling. She had arrived at school to pick the kids up and the Principal, Art O’Leary was at the gate greeting the parents. Sarah liked Art and more importantly the children loved him. Surprisingly she noted there was no sign of any of the children coming out.
As she got closer to Art, she realised that something was very wrong. He looked awful, his eyes puffy and red. ‘I’ve some bad news I’m afraid. I’ve just been telling some of the other parents.’ He said to Sarah gently.
‘I’m sorry Sarah; there is no easy way to say this. Ms Finch, Rachel Finch, our 2nd class teacher has been found dead on Ballyaislinn beach this morning.’ He paused, and then added. ‘She – she was murdered,’ the normally articulate Art stammered. He was obviously deeply distressed.
The dream of the bloodied body on the beach flashed back into Sarah’s mind. Was that Rachel Finch? She felt the blood drain from her face and held onto Ella’s pram for support.
‘Ms Finch? That’s Katie’s teacher.’ Sarah eventually managed to say. ‘When, what happened?’ She felt sick. This was just awful. This was the kind of news you see on RTE news. You don’t expect to come face to face with it at the school gates.
‘Molly and Pat Donovan were out for a walk and found her yesterday morning. She’s been identified by her parents.’ Art continued. ‘There’s no doubt I’m afraid.’
‘I can’t take it in. That poor girl and her parents. God help them.’ Sarah said tears glistening in her eyes.
Art moved towards Sarah and reached over to touch her hand, before he continued, ‘She didn’t turn in for work this morning. Which I thought in itself was strange. She’s never off sick, extremely diligent. When she didn’t call in I phoned her and got no answer. Her parents were at the hospital when I called, identifying her body.’ He finished.
Sarah looked around, there were groups of parents all gathered together, some crying, all looking completely shocked.
‘I can’t believe it, Sarah. She was only twenty four, beautiful, her whole life ahead of her.’ Art finished. ‘I’m sorry. I just can’t get my head around it all. She was my friend.’
‘That’s understandable.’ Sarah said with sympathy, wiping her own tears and this time, she moved to him and gently patted his arm in reassurance. ‘Do the kids know?’ The thought of Tommy and Katie having to deal with this was unbearable to her.
‘Not yet. We’re going to have an assembly in the morning to talk to them all. But we wanted to give the parents the option of telling them at home tonight first of all. It might be better if they are with you when they hear of it. We’ll have counsellors in the school all day tomorrow, it’s all organised. They can help the kids talk through how they feel.’
She couldn’t take it in. A murder in her village and not only that, it was Katie’s teacher. This had to be the murder that Edward told her to prepare for. She needed to lean on Ella’s buggy for support once again.
When the kids came out she gave them both an extra big hug. ‘Come on you two, let’s go home.’ Pushing Ella in her buggy, the four of them set off. When they arrived at home, James’s car was outside the house.
‘Hey you guys!’ he shouted to them all. Tommy practically knocked him down as he jumped into his arms. He hero-worshipped his Uncle James.
‘You’ve heard?’ James asked quietly.
Sarah nodded and quickly glanced at the kids, letting James know that they didn’t know anything yet.
James squeezed his sister’s shoulder. ‘Come on, kids, let’s go in and grab some juice.’
Sarah went up to her bedroom to splash some water on her face. She needed to compose herself before she spoke to the children. How do you tell young children that their teacher has been murdered?
Looking into her bedroom mirror, she felt like she’d aged decades in the past month, but her reflection hadn’t changed. She still looked the same old Sarah, sandy blonde hair with blue eyes. Edward appeared in the mirror, standing right behind her. A few days ago this would have made her scream with fright. Now, she welcomed his calming presence.
‘So Rachel is the young woman you talked about?’ Sarah said to him. He nodded in response, the pain she felt reflected in his eyes.
‘You never said it would be someone I knew. She was only twenty-four for God’s sake, a mere child herself!’
‘I know.’ Edward replied.
‘Where was her guardian angel? Why didn’t they save her?’ Sarah hissed at Edward.
‘It doesn’t work like that. We can’t stop that kind of force. We can’t stop death. Her angel did her best to warn her. She tried to make Rachel listen to her intuition that something wasn’t right. But she ignored it. But I promise you she was with Rachel right up till she died. And she’s still watching over her now.’ Edward had tears in his eyes.
‘How can I tell Katie? She loved Ms Finch. She’s making her Holy Communion this year and Ms Finch was helping her prepare for it. She’ll be devastated. Only last night she was practising her Communion walk.’ Sarah smiled sadly at the memory. Katie with her hands clasped in prayer, walking solemnly from one end of the hall to other.
‘Give me strength Edward, help me tell the children.’ Sarah pleaded.
‘They will be fine, as long as they have you Sarah. I’ll be right here by your side. Always am and always will be.’
Sarah took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from flowing that were prickling her eyes. ‘I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do to help. I don’t feel any different than I did a few days ago, except I can see and talk to you again.’
‘Just be prepared Sarah, take note of any strange things you can see in your mind’s eye. Trust your instincts because you have a great gift. You will see things that others won’t and I’m certain you will be able to help with Rachel Finch’s murder.’
Sarah thought for a second about the dreams she’d been having lately. Were they the start of her gift? They didn’t make any sense and she really couldn’t see how she was supposed to help based on what she had dreamt. But she didn’t have the time to look into it now. Her priority right this minute was her children. Only they weren’t just hers; she needed her husband more than ever right now.
She picked up her phone and quickly dialled Paul’s number. It went straight to voicemail. She took a deep breath and left a message.
‘I need you. The children need you. Please baby, call me. I’m begging you. Whatever is wrong, I can help make it better. Together we can get through anything. Remember? That’s what we always said. Once we are together, we can do anything. I love you…’ She hit end on the phone call quickly, before the tears overtook her. Lying down on their bed, she pulled the covers over herself, suddenly cold, her eyes never leaving the phone, willing it to ring.
James was making Spaghetti Bolognese for their dinner when Sarah came downstairs ten minutes later. Ella was in her highchair, swinging her dolly by its leg around in the air, giggling at how clever she was. Every now and then she’d let out a high pitched scream which resulted in everyone around her laughing. The children were watching SpongeBob on TV.
‘Thanks James. You are a starbar!’ She shouted to her brother, as she walked through the kitchen. ‘Thought you had a date tonight?’
‘I do, but I’ve cancelled. This is more important. When I heard on the grapevine that a schoolteacher from here had been murdered, I thought I’d better get here quick.’
‘This is losing-my-fecking-mind-freaky.’
James nodded in return. He knew the feeling; he felt the exact same way.
‘You know when Art first told me about Rachel, I got such a shock I didn’t think about Edward’s prophecy at all. And then it struck me and I nearly passed out. It was one thing having Edward telling me something would happen, but to actually be faced with it, it’s too much.
James squeezed his sister’s hand. He didn’t know what to say.
‘Try not to think about that yet.’ James said. ‘I was talking to one of the lads in Wexford Gardaí station and they will be doing an autopsy today, so we’ll know more after that. No word on forensics yet either.’
‘How’s her dog?’ Sarah asked.
‘What dog?’ James answered in surprise.
‘I don’t know.’ Sarah answered looking confused. ‘A dog just popped into my mind. He looked pretty sick. I think he was Rachel’s dog.’
They were both silent for a few minutes.
‘Ok. It’s going to take a while for me to get used to this.’ James said quietly. ‘I’m going to call my mate in the station and see if there was a dog.’ He punched a number into his iPhone and walked away.
A few minutes later he was back. ‘Well, there was a dog.’ He said with his eyes nearly popping out of his head.
‘Oh feck.’ Sarah said.
‘Yep, feck.’ He echoed.
‘All I know so far about the murder is that she was on Ballyaislinn beach. The fact that her dog was with her indicates to me that she was taking him for a walk probably. Whether it was a random act of violence or premeditated they don’t know yet. Remember Roger, my mate from school, the guard? Well he’s on the case and will keep me posted.’
‘You never said how the dog was?’ Sarah asked again.
‘He died a few hours ago.’
They both were silent again.
The sound of the Bolognese sauce bubbling broke the silence. ‘Oh, you doing a Jamie Oliver?’ Sarah said nodding at James and the chopping board.
James bowed as he answered, ‘But of course. No chance of a bit of parmesan lurking in that fridge of yours?’ James answered. ‘Then I’d really pep this baby up for you!’
‘Not a hope!’ Sarah responded. ‘Cutbacks, its only essentials these days, no luxuries.’
‘Thing’s that tight?’ James said with a frown.
‘Yep, things are “squeezed into a pair of too small spanx” tight. I’ve been going through my savings like crazy, what little we have anyhow. Tommy and Katie both outgrew their trainers this week. And it’s coming into winter again, they’ll be needing boots. They both were asking me about Halloween costumes yesterday. All their friends are getting new ones from Woodies apparently. I went in to have a look this morning, but they’re nearly €30 each. I just can’t afford it. Then next thing it’s going to be Santa. It never ends. I’ve asked for more shifts at the boutique, hopefully I’ll get a few more for Christmas.’ Looking at James face, Sarah felt guilty suddenly. ‘You don’t need to be listening to me moaning about money. Ignore me. I’ll make it work.’
‘You can’t keep going like this. You need to track Paul down. Or let me do it for you, I can do some digging, find out where he is. It’s just not good enough him sending you the odd email telling you he needs time to sort himself out. He’s got responsibilities. He had enough wits about him to empty your bank account, he’s not that bad.’ James ended sarcastically.
‘I’ve got to go talk to the children.’ Sarah said, ignoring James last comment, because she knew he was right. No matter how much she tried to rationalise Paul’s behaviour, the fact that he took most of their money with him, made her break out in a cold sweat of fear.
‘You can’t keep dodging that bullet,’ James shouted at her as she walked into the living room. She stuck her tongue out at him. She knew she had to face up to the fact that her husband had walked out on her, but there was a bigger crisis to deal with. Taking a deep breath she turned the TV off.
‘Tommy, Katie, I need to have a chat with you.’
‘I didn’t do anything!’ Katie quickly shouted.
‘I know, nobody is in trouble!’ Sarah reassured them gently.
Gathering the kids both close to her, she gently told them that Ms Finch had been hurt badly and was now in heaven. They were both confused and scared. They’d not really had to deal with a death before; this was a first for them. And Sarah knew that there was little point in lying about how it had happened, as they would get all sorts of stories in the school yard tomorrow. She needed to prepare them for some of the things that they might hear.
‘Who hurt her?’ Tommy wanted to know.
‘Will he come and hurt us too?’ Katie added, her big eyes round with fright.
‘No, darling, nobody is going to hurt any of us. The guards will find the person who did this to Ms Finch and they will be locked up for a very long time.’ Sarah replied firmly, pulling them in even closer to her.
‘Uncle James will catch the bad person.’ Tommy said quickly. He really believed that his Uncle was a superhero.
‘Maybe, or one of Uncle James’s friends in the Gardaí. Don’t you worry; they will catch whoever did this. Bad people go to jail for a very long time, and that’s where the person who did this will go.’ Sarah promised.
‘Mammy does that mean I won’t have a teacher anymore?’ Katie asked with big tears in her eyes. ‘Do I have to stay at home now forever, and never go to school again?’
‘No, darling. Of course not. You will have a new teacher soon. I bet that one has already been picked especially for you and your class. Mr O’Leary will explain it all tomorrow when you have assembly.’
‘But who will help me make my Communion? Ms Finch said she had lots to teach us this year.’ Katie started to cry and within seconds Tommy joined in. Sarah held them close and let them stay there crying their pain out. James was in the doorway rubbing his eyes with a tea towel.
‘Onions.’ He said gruffly, not wanting to admit that the scene before him had deeply moved him.
Ella, who had up to that moment been intently playing with two plastic balls, sensed that something was going on and wanted to get in on the act. So she started to scream. James walked over to her and picked her up, quickly laying her on the floor, tickling her and blowing bubbles on her tummy. This trick always worked and very quickly she replaced her tears with giggles. The sound of Ella’s giggling was too irresistible for Katie and Tommy and both of them peeped up from their mother’s embrace, watching their Uncle James tickle their baby sister. Sniffing away her tears, Katie wandered over to join in the tickling, Tommy following within seconds. And with that the house was filled with the sound of giggles again as James tickled each of the children one by one.
Sarah smiled through her own tears and watched her family, marvelling at how resilient children were. Their world can be pulled apart in a snap of the fingers, but they just picked themselves up and found joy in their baby sister’s laughter in the next. They weren’t moping about like she had been for the past couple of weeks since Paul had left. She could learn a lot from her children.
The time had come to find her husband. Yes, he was having some kind of mental health crisis. But by walking out of their life, he had in effect given up on his parental responsibilities. He didn’t have the right to walk away from those or indeed his financial responsibilities too without at least a conversation about it all. He’d only sent a couple of hundred euros that he supposedly sent via his mother about a week after he left. Only Sarah felt it was a safe bet that Rita had used her pension to give her that money, out of embarrassment for her wayward son.
Watching her children deal with yet another blow, she realised that it was time she regained control of her life that had been spiralling out of control these past few weeks. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and looking up saw it was Edward.
‘Good girl,’ Edward said to her. ‘That’s the fighting spirit I remember when you were a child.’
Smiling, she vowed that tomorrow she would start her search for Paul. But right now there was a tickle fight to be won!
Chapter Six
Sarah woke with a start, her heart thumping so hard she felt like it was going to burst through her chest. She’d just had the weirdest dream about her postman Joey. If she had to guess all day who she might dream about, she didn’t think that Joey would have ever been on her list. He had been her postman for years and although she saw him most mornings through her sitting room window, she only spoke to him the odd time, when a parcel or registered letter would arrive. She really didn’t know anything about him on any level, other than he was punctual and very kind to the children if they did get to speak to him. Joey was in his mid-fifties she reckoned, and had a really pleasant manner. Always cheerful and if the children were around, he had a little joke or story to tell them. Sarah instinctively liked him, but if she was honest, other than when he came to her door delivering, he would never cross her mind from one day to the next.
Sarah shivered at just the mere memory of the dream.
The desperation. The poor man fumbling with a rope. A noose.
It was so vivid it felt real. But that was ridiculous, surely? She closed her eyes and tried to remember the details of the dream. Maybe it had happened in his house? She had no clue as to why he had done it, but she had felt an overwhelming wave of sadness and despair. It was incredibly unnerving.
A thought popped into her head, maybe she was losing it, and maybe she was really going mad this time. Was she having a nervous breakdown of some sort? First seeing angels and now dreaming of her postman’s suicide. She barely knew him, for goodness sake.
She looked at her mobile phone, it was 6am. Damn it, it was early but at the same time too late to go back to sleep. She crept into Ella’s nursery and straightened her up. She was as always scrunched up against the corner of the cot, blankets awry. She then peeped in at Tommy and Katie and they were both peaceful. They had to be tired because it had taken her a long time to get them to sleep last night. They were scared, worried that the ‘bad man’ who murdered Ms Finch might somehow come into their house and kill them.
James was asleep on their sofa. It was the only way that they agreed to go to bed, knowing that he was there keeping guard. He had left shortly after she told the kids about Rachel Finch, to go into the office. She wasn’t sure what time he came home at, but she figured it was late as she had only gone to bed a little after 2am. She went into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Coffee was badly needed.
She knew that she drank too much of it, but it was a habit that she found impossible to break. She sat down at the kitchen table and looked out her window. It was beautiful out there, a gentle light mist hovering over the hills and trees. She had the most amazing view from her kitchen; she still got pleasure from it even though she’d looked at the same view every day for over eight years.
Memories of loud family breakfasts popped into her mind.
Paul and her laughing together at something funny Tommy or Katie had said. Stealing a kiss in between the demands of ‘pour me a juice!’ from the children. And laughter, always laughter. She tried to pinpoint when it was that Paul had stopped having breakfast with them. Last year? Two years ago? He now favoured grabbing a latte and croissant each morning in a deli close to his office. Once again she started to feel panic bubble up inside her as the realisation that her marriage had been in trouble for some time hit her smack in her face.
Sighing, she closed her mind to Paul because she had to. And try as she might, she just couldn’t stop her mind drifting back to Joey. She shuddered as she remembered how he’d looked as he kicked the chair from under his feet and allowed himself to drop. He was a man who had just given up and looked so lost. She tried to think of the right word to describe what she had witnessed.
‘Sorrowful.’ She said out loud. Yes, that was the word alright. Joey was sorrowful.
How awful to think that the only option you felt you had was to end your life? Sarah wrapped her dressing gown around herself even more tightly, feeling cold again.
Taking a sip from her coffee, she suddenly felt a presence beside her. Sitting opposite her was Edward. ‘You’re up early, Sarah.’
‘I couldn’t sleep.’ Sarah answered. ‘Bad dream. I’ve been getting a few of them lately.’
He nodded not looking in the slightest bit surprised to hear that. ‘Tell me about it.’ He replied.
‘Why?’ Sarah said belligerently. She really wasn’t in the mood for an evasive and unsatisfactory conversation with Edward. It was early, she was cold, and she couldn’t justify putting the heating on just yet. She had just paid €500 for a full tank of oil and she really needed that to last till Christmas. Pulling her dressing gown tight around her once more, she felt an urge to stick her tongue out at Edward, like she used to do as a child.
Instead she answered him. ‘Ok, Ok, you want to know about my dream? Well, it was about my postman. He committed suicide, hung himself. Now you know, does that make you happy?’ She shivered again, though this time not with the cold.
‘No, that makes me feel sad, Sarah. What do you think it means?’ Edward said.
‘It means that maybe I need to stop eating cheese before I go to bed.’ Sarah answered glibly. Edward smiled again. ‘Funny. Sarah, why do you think you dreamt that Joey committed suicide?’
Sarah shrugged. She really didn’t want to think about it. But try as she could, Joey’s face as he finally realised he was about to die was imprinted in her brain and wouldn’t leave.
‘You obviously know what it means.’ Sarah said to him. ‘So can’t you just tell me?’
Edward smiled that same smile again; it was beginning to drive Sarah mad. She recognised it, as it was the one she used herself on the children when they were desperately trying to learn something new, but failing miserably, it was the indulgent smile of a smug parent. Right now it irritated the shit out of her.
She hated mornings, more importantly she hated early mornings, disturbed by psychic dreams and early cups of coffees with angels. She felt justified in her bad mood.
‘Totally justified.’ Edward said smiling that annoying smile again.
‘How do you do that?’ Sarah demanded crossly. He had always been able to read her mind. When she was a child she’d play a game with him and get him to say out loud the thing she was thinking about. She’d loved that game and played it for hours, much to James’s annoyance, when he wanted her to go outside and play. She realised she was now smiling, at the memory.
‘It wasn’t all bad when I was around?’ Edward asked, this time an earnest look on his face.
‘No Edward. It wasn’t all bad at all. In fact I had some great times with you. It was the stuff that came after I told Mam and Daddy about you that wasn’t fun.’
‘They just didn’t understand, Sarah. And when people don’t understand something they get scared. And when people are scared they can act irrationally.’
‘Maybe.’ Sarah said noncommittally. She had children herself now and often asked herself how she would handle something similar. And she knew that no matter what she would be on their side. She had made that vow the day she found out that she was expecting Tommy. She had promised her unborn child that she would do better than her parents had done for her.
‘I get that they were scared. I get that they didn’t understand. But they didn’t try very hard. They didn’t talk to me or more importantly, they didn’t listen to me.’ Sarah said with regret.
Edward nodded.
‘I’ve thought a lot about this, Edward, in particular since I’ve had children of my own. All a child wants is to be loved, to feel loved and safe. When Tommy was a small baby, Paul and I used to sit for hours watching him sleep. And we would worry about his future. We’d talk about everything we could do to protect him from the bad stuff life can throw at you! I always said to Paul, that it was our duty to not only love our children, but to also make sure that they know they have a safe place to fall if they need to. Paul had that with his parents, he was lucky, but I didn’t. I still don’t. They couldn’t handle the fact that their daughter was different. So they tried to force me to change who I was. I mean what kind of parent has their child committed for fecks sake?’
Sarah shuddered as she remembered that bleak time in her life.
‘I’ll never forget that day. I was terrified. I begged them to take me home. Poor James was in tears too. He was devastated that I was taken from him. We’d never been apart until that day.’
Sarah closed her eyes, hoping that by doing so she could close her mind to the bad memory.
‘They found it easier to believe you were crazy, than to believe that you could talk to angels Sarah. They made a mistake, but for what it’s worth, they have never forgiven themselves for doing that to you.’ Edward replied.
Sarah shook her head. ‘I don’t know. I’m not sure I buy that. They’ve always been so cold towards me. They treat me very differently to how they treat James. Him, he’s the golden boy. Me, I’m the mad daughter that they are so ashamed of.’
‘It’s complicated Sarah. For some people, when they have guilt, they put a barrier up around themselves rather than to confront the guilt and accept responsibility for their own mistakes. Have you ever considered that maybe your parents find it hard to look at you sometimes because it reminds them of a time they are ashamed of?’ Edward asked gently.
Sarah knew that what Edward said had an element of truth to it. She felt their guilt sometimes when she was with them. They could hardly look her in the eye when they visited, the annual, once a year visit that is. You’d swear they lived a million miles away, not less than ten miles. But she didn’t have time to analyse her parents right now. The dream, try as she may to forget it, meant something.
‘Ok, so is my gift to dream about things that have already happened or are about to happen? Sarah asked him.
‘You know the answer to that already.’ Edward replied.
‘No, I don’t.’ Sarah said stubbornly.
‘Think, Sarah; remember the details of your dream. You have all the answers you need yourself.’
She closed her eyes and allowed herself to relive her dream.
Joey sits at a table. In a kitchen by the looks of it. Oak kitchen cabinets are behind him. He walks to the fridge, opens the door and takes out some milk. There’s something on the fridge door. It’s a flyer advertising a table quiz at Freddie’s Bar. The date is the 15th October. Joey pours himself a glass of milk. He sits down again at the table, his head in his arms. A copy of the local newspaper - The Wexford Echo, dated 16th October.
Chapter Seven
Sarah picked up the phone to call her brother. ‘Are you working on Saturday afternoon?’ she asked when he answered the phone.
‘Nope, why?’ he answered, curiosity piqued.
‘You’re invited to lunch, so. I’ve asked Rita over and Mary Donegan. Oh, and Joey our postman is coming too.’
‘Whoa there! Rita, I understand. Mary, at a push. But Joey, the postman? What on earth are you doing inviting him for?’ James asked incredulously.
‘It’s a long story. But long story short he’s lonely. So I’ve asked him over for lunch. And Mary is looking to date someone. She told me so on the phone. They’re both roughly the same age. Sure you never know they might even get on.’ Sarah blurted out.
James started to laugh. ‘You’re match-making a woman you barely know with the local postman! Incredible. Only you could come up with a hare-brained scheme like that! Does either of them know what you’re up to?’
‘Erm, yes and no. Mary knows that Joey has been lonely. She knows I’m trying to help him, and she said she’d love to meet him.’ Sarah said. What she didn’t know was that Sarah had hoped they would fall into each other’s arms over the dessert course, declaring undying love. It could happen. Maybe.
‘So why is Rita coming then?’ James added. ‘Is she bringing her son with her by any chance?’ He finished sarcastically.
‘Watch out you could cut yourself, you are so sharp!’ Sarah snapped back. ‘If you must know, Rita has been very supportive. And she’s mortified about Paul. She’s trying her best to help me track him down. She was just delighted to be asked for lunch. She loves spending time with the kids.’
‘So what about this Joey dude. Does he know you’re doing your own version of Take Me Out?’
‘No of course he doesn’t. We’ve been chatting a bit lately and I’ve been telling him how upset the kids are about Rachel Finch. He has a dog called Benji. So I asked him to bring the dog over for the kids to play with as they have been going on and on for ages about getting a dog. It’ll cheer them up and I’ve asked him to talk to them about the responsibilities of owning a puppy. If I do ever get them a dog for Christmas, and that’s a big if, I want to make sure they are on board with every aspect. I clean enough poop every day with Ella’s nappies without adding a puppy into the mix thank you very much!’
‘And he fell for that?’ James said. Sarah could almost see the smirk he’d have on his face.
‘I can be very persuasive, when I want to be. And anyhow, even though I may have an ulterior motive, he’s a nice man. I like him. The kids always have a laugh with him. And you never know. Stranger things have happened; he might just hit it off with Mary!’
What she didn’t add was that she’d had another dream last night and she saw that Benji was going to be knocked down on Saturday. She figured that if Joey was at her house, then his dog would be ok. And if Benji is ok, then Joey couldn’t hurt himself. It was simple really. She instinctively felt that he needed to meet some people; she had deeply felt his isolation in her dream. He needed to get some confidence to get out and have some fun. Mary said she’d be happy to talk to him, try to build his confidence up a bit. It was worth a shot anyhow. She couldn’t just do nothing and wait for him to die.
And maybe, if she was really honest, she was glad of this distraction, as it allowed her to dull the thoughts that were never far away, about Paul. If he loved her, how could he stay away? She didn’t have an answer for that, so turned her attention back to James.
‘Ok, sis, I’ll be there. It should be a laugh anyhow watching you in action! Should I bring my iPod, download the Greatest Love Songs ever from ITunes?’ He teased.
‘Ha Ha, very funny. I’m sure you already have them downloaded, part of your seduction technique when you lure unsuspecting bimbos back to your house!’
‘Ah, you’re only jealous of my Jagger moves!’ James responded with a laugh, then broke into song, “I got moves like Jagger, I got the moves like Jagger!”’
Sarah giggling said, ‘Stop. My ears!’
‘And another thing Cilla, if you’re trying to set me up with Rita, forget it! Grannies are just not my thing!’
‘If it’s got a pulse and it moves it’s your thing!’ Sarah quickly replied laughing. ‘But no, you’re safe enough. Don’t think Rita would ever look at another man after Thomas. She loved him too much.’
‘Thank God for small mercies!’ James answered with a grin. ‘I’ll bring some booze with me. I’ve decided I’m going to stay with you guys for a few nights. I want to go to the funeral anyhow. I’d rather be there just in case anything weird happens.’
Sarah was so relieved to hear that. She could do with his support with the children. ‘That would be great. I’m not looking forward to it. I’m not even sure what exactly I’m to expect and Edward is no help whatsoever. He just says to be prepared. But listen, I’m changing the subject for a minute. I’ve been trying to get hold of Paul and he’s dodging me. Not answering emails or his phone. Can you help me track him down?’
‘At fecking last, sis. I don’t know how you’ve waited this long to be honest, but never mind that now. I’ll track him down, leave it with me.’
‘What are you going to do?’ Sarah asked, intrigued.
‘I’ll start by ringing his boss. They might have a contact number for him. I’m sorry, sis, but I just don’t buy this whole depression story, and it doesn’t sound like the Paul I know. And before you ask, I’ll be discreet. This is the kind of stuff I do in the agency all the time. Don’t worry.’
‘Thanks bro. I owe you.’
It was one of those rare October days where the sun was shining and it was also quite warm. Summer days had often been colder and darker than today was. The kids were out the back playing on their trampoline, Ella was in her Tigger bouncer jumping and down, squealing with delight at how clever she was. Lunch was almost prepared.
Sarah was doing an antipasto for starters, served in a large dish in the centre of the table. She loved serving this kind of food that everyone can just dig into and share. This way they could take as much or as little as they liked. On the platter was Bruschetta Fegatini which consisted of toast – made with Italian style bread – covered with chicken liver pieces sautéed with just a hint of chilli. Carpaccio, wafer thin slices of prime beef, served raw with a dressing of vinaigrette and shavings of fresh Parmesan and Prosciutto, an uncooked, dry-cured ham which was exquisite and would satisfy even the biggest carnivore. Her kids adored this type of food. She also had Cannellini beans and Tuna served with olive oil, lemon juice, and a little sliced onion, with a touch of garlic, salt and pepper. And of course, the old faithful served at every dinner party in their house, garlic bread. Katie was addicted to the stuff and thought it was the height of sophistication to have a starter of garlic bread before any main course. Following the antipasto she was going to serve a Seafood and Chorizo Risotto. She could make risotto with her eyes closed and this recipe was a firm favourite. James adored it and she wanted to give him a little treat. And the added bonus was that Risotto was really inexpensive, but didn’t look it.
She’d prepared most of it, but would actually finish it when everyone had finished their starter. For dessert she had made Banoffi cupcakes. This was often a dessert she made for friends the odd time she entertained. She made her usual cupcakes but added some mashed banana to the mixture instead of fruit or nuts. Then when they were cooked she took the top off the cupcakes making a little hole in the centre of them with her heart shaped cookie cutter. She then poured the Banoffi caramel into the hole, topped this with chopped bananas and some whipped cream. It really was very good and as Mary had said that cupcakes were her favourite, she wanted to surprise her with these.
James was bringing the alcohol, although she did have a bottle of red and white ready to go too. The kids had made place names for the table; they were excited at the thought of a dinner party. They even made a place name for Benji and put it on the floor beside a bowl of water they put down. She was just going to make some lunch for Ella soon and have her fed before everyone arrived. That way she would hopefully sit happily in her high chair when they all ate. It was all about timings with a little baby!
Putting Ella into said highchair she spied James out in the garden with the kids. He was a big child himself, he had his shoes off already and was jumping up and down on the trampoline like a lunatic. The kids were squealing with delight jumping on top of him every time he fell down.
Ella was in high spirits and had picked up that something important was happening. She was a really sociable baby, loved having people all around her, so she was literally bouncing up and down in her highchair, too excited to eat her food.
James walked in the back door gasping for breath. ‘That trampoline is a killer. That’s better than any workout at the gym!’ he declared with a clink of bottles banging together as he placed the wine on the floor.
Sarah laughed; he was puffing from the exertion. ‘Grab a beer and sit down. You’ll survive!’
‘Something smells gorgeous. Banoffi cupcakes?’ James asked hopefully.
‘The one and only.’ Sarah answered.
‘Before the others get here, I have to talk to you about Paul.’
‘Did you find anything out?’ Sarah asked quietly. Looking at her brother’s face she figured he had and she wasn’t sure she’d be pleased at what he was about to disclose.
‘Yeah, I know where he is. You’ll not like it, sis.’ He said slowly.
‘Go on, tell me. I’ve been imagining all sorts. Nothing could be worse than my imagination.’ She braced herself for James’s words.
James wasn’t so sure. ‘Saz, he’s in London.’
Sarah grappled for the kitchen counter to steady herself. She had imagined many scenarios as to where Paul could be, but none of them involved him being in a different country. She’d just assumed he was in Ireland somewhere, maybe in a cottage in Cork or Kerry like one of the holiday lets they’d had in previous summers with the kids. They didn’t know anyone in London, so she was at a loss as to why he was there.
‘Ok, here’s the deal. I rang his company and asked to speak to him. And the receptionist told me that he didn’t work in Ireland any more. I asked her why, and she informed me that he’d been promoted and taken a transfer to their London Headquarters. He moved over there over five weeks ago and has been working there since. I asked her for his new number and she gave it to me. I rang them and they said he was with a client at the minute but I didn’t leave a message, sis. I did ask them if he was now better as I’d heard he’d been unwell. The receptionist in London seemed puzzled and said that he’d not been absent from work at all. So I said to her that I must have him muddled up with someone else and I just hung up.’ James finished, never taking his eyes off his sister. He wished he could do something to take away the look of pure horror Sarah had on her face.
Sarah felt completely bewildered. ‘If he got a promotion why didn’t he just tell me? Why didn’t he talk to me about moving to London? Did he think I’d not want to go? Why lie and tell me he’s depressed and out sick. What’s he playing at for goodness sake?’
‘I don’t know but this is far more serious than him just needing to sort his head out. He’s been lying to you about work and the country he’s in! What else is he lying about? I’m sorry but it doesn’t look good.’ James replied.
Sarah suddenly felt her body go rigid with anger. She started to pace her kitchen and felt the urge to scream. Here she was coping with the children on her own, scraping to make ends meet whilst at the same time worrying about Paul, thinking he was suffering and depressed. She thought she was doing the right thing giving him space to sort himself out as he requested, but all along he was in London working away, not a bother on him. She’d bloody well kill him.
He’d always been a bit flaky, she’d often felt let down by him over the years, but this was in a different league. She’d excused him missing birthdays or anniversaries, because in fairness he would always make it up to her. He’d come home and surprise her with a night away in ‘their’ hotel and they would have a blissful childfree twenty-four hours, where she’d remember what it was like to be a wife, a lover. She felt scared again and looked at her back door, wondering if she could simply run away herself. She wasn’t sure she had the strength to take anymore. But then she looked at the children jumping up and down on their trampoline, pure joy on their faces and she knew that she would have to face this, for their sake.
‘Do you have the address and number of where he is?’
‘I do.’ He handed a piece of paper over to her.
‘I’m going to ask Rita to take the kids for a few days next week after the funeral. I’m going to London. I’ve got to see him face to face and find out what the hell is going on.’ Sarah said, making the decision as she spoke.
‘You can’t go on your own. I’m in the middle of two cases at the minute in work, so leave it a week or so till I sort out some time off.’
Sarah shook her head. ‘You’re a star, as always. But no, this one I’ve got to do on my own. If I need you, I’ll tell you. But this is my marriage or what’s left of it anyhow. I’ve got to sort this one out on my own.’
‘You’re taking this better than I thought you would.’ James said, a little surprised at how unemotional she seemed. He had expected tears at the very least.
‘I’m too angry right now. I’m furious with him, putting me and the kids through this. It’s all so unnecessary. I’ve wasted too many tears on him already; I’m not wasting any on him today.’ She finished defiantly.
‘Good for you!’ James responded, squeezing his sister’s shoulder. ‘You hold onto that anger. He deserves it, every bit of it. Sock it to him when you see him.’
He jumped up and pulled out a bottle of red. ‘Pinot Noir for the young lady?’ Glancing at Sarah as she shook her head, he ignored her, deftly opening the bottle and pouring a glass for her. ‘You need this, you have to be in the right frame of mind for luuurrrvvve, Cilla!!!’
Laughing half-heartedly, Sarah accepted the glass, taking a sip. ‘Cheers, bro. What I’d do without you I just don’t know.’
‘You’d be lost, alone and miserable, that’s what you’d be. A lucky girl you are that I’m your twin!’ He said with a big grin. ‘Now, wipe your daughter’s face, she’s covered in that orange mush she calls food!’
Ella looked like she’d just pressed her face into the bowl; she had butternut squash and sweet potato puree all over her. ‘You little monkey!’ Sarah said laughing at her baby. Ella delighted that she was making her Mama laugh, started to bang her hand on the highchair table repeatedly, squealing loudly. She was such a joy to Sarah; she really couldn’t understand how Paul could just walk away from them all. She felt sorry for him for a minute. Had he any concept of what he was missing out on?
Then the doorbell rang. Sarah indicated to James to take over with Ella and ran to the door. Joey was standing there with Benji in his arms. She didn’t know why, but she expected Benji to be a big dog. Joey was a big man, well over 6 foot and carried a bit of weight. He was as her mother would have said, round. So she’d expected a big old Labrador or something of that size. But Benji was a tiny Westie, a little white ball of fluff sitting comfortably in Joey’s arms.
Sarah welcomed them both in and warned Joey that the kids would probably drive him mad, they were so excited.
On cue Katie and Tommy ran into the house shouting in unison, ‘Can I hold him first?’
Joey laughed at their enthusiasm. ‘I tell you what, Tommy. Let Katie have the first hold. Ladies first I always say. We men have to be gentlemen sometimes.’ He finished with a wink.
Tommy stood up even straighter and agreed immediately. ‘You can hold her first, Katie.’ He said loudly. Then turning to Joey he whispered loudly. ‘She’s younger than me, so I have to let her have most things first you know.’
Joey ruffled his hair saying, ‘Good boy. Now, Katie, sit down over there on that couch and I’ll put Benji in your lap. He loves been tickled under his chin. Yes, just like that!’
Katie was giggling as she stroked Benji. ‘He’s lovely, Mammy! He’s so cute.’
‘I have a joke about a dog you know.’ Tommy said to Joey. ‘Do you want to hear it?’
‘I most certainly do!’ Joey answered. ‘I could always do with a good laugh!’
Tommy took a deep breath and said, ‘What did the cowboy say when a bear ate Lassie?’
Katie started to giggle and Joey declared he didn’t know.
‘Well doggone!’ Tommy shouted in his best cowboy voice, beaming as everyone started to laugh.
‘Tommy’s our resident comic.’ Sarah said to Joey.
Within a few minutes both Rita and Mary had arrived and Sarah and James were introducing them to each other. Benji was a great icebreaker, as was Ella. It gave them all something to ooh and aah about as they got used to each other.
James made sure that they all had a drink and they all sat down at the dining room table. Sarah placed the platter down in front of them all and watched happily as they all tucked in.
‘I’ve never had anything like this before.’ Joey said to Sarah in between mouthfuls, his eyes wide with awe as he took in all the colours and smells on the big platter.
‘What’s these fellas called again?’
‘Bruschetta.’ Katie and Tommy said at the same time.
‘Bruschetta.’ Joey said, rolling the word over his tongue. ‘Never heard tell of them before. But they’re lovely. Very tasty, Sarah.’
Tommy and Katie kept repeating the word Bruschetta over and over, laughing away at their own jokes. It was good to see them so happy, there had been far too much sadness in this house lately. Ever since Paul disappeared it was as if his departure also took a lot of the joy out of their house too. Sarah vowed to find ways to make her children laugh again, every day. ‘You’ve gone to so much trouble.’ Rita said to her daughter in law.
‘Ah, it’s nothing. It’s worth it, just seeing those two so happy.’ Sarah said, nodding at the children. ‘We eat like this every day don’t we kids?’
Tommy picked up his napkin and dramatically dabbed the side of his mouth before saying, ‘Yes, Mama, we dine every night with three courses and the good silverware!’
Everyone burst out laughing at his mimicking of somebody ‘posh’!
Tommy was delighted with himself for making the grownups laugh. Katie started to dab her mouth too, wanting to join in the fun. Sarah smiled as she looked around the table. It was going well.
When the starters were finished, Sarah got going on the risotto while the others all chatted away easily with each other. James joined Sarah in the kitchen.
‘Well I left Mary quizzing Joey about his hobbies. She’s got her sights on him alright!’ James said with a laugh.
Sarah threw a tea towel at him saying, ‘Behave, you. Everyone seems to be getting on ok though don’t they? What do you think of Joey?’
‘You were right. Sound as a pound that guy. I like him a lot as it happens. And he’s very good with the kids. Very patient when they asked him hundreds of questions about dogs! Katie just asked him what dogs dream of every night. Poor man was trying his best to come up with an answer for her.’
‘I’m glad you like him. I do too. I think we might see a bit more of him in the future. I’m going to ask him over again. He needs some friends, he’s lonely.’
The risotto was a great success too. Joey declaring that it was the nicest rice he’d ever had. It was creamy; packed with lots of flavour from the chorizo and prawns.
Everyone declared themselves stuffed after they finished. Sarah jumped up and took the plate of Banoffi cupcakes from the fridge saying to everyone as she placed them on the table, ‘Nobody will have room for these then I suppose?’
‘Oh you’re a wicked girl!’ Mary said with a glint in her eye as she took in the sight before her. ‘Cupcakes are my absolute favourite. They look divine!’
‘Wait till you taste these, Joey,’ Rita said. ‘They are incredible. I’ve always said that Sarah could sell her cupcakes.’
Joey agreed as he took a bite of his. The sweetness of the caramel combined with the soft, light vanilla sponge was just heaven.
‘That’s the best meal I’ve ever had.’ Joey said to his host. ‘Thank you for having me.’ He looked so grateful, Sarah was chuffed.
‘You’re so welcome. Thank you all for coming. Now dig in. Plenty more if you can manage it.’
Once everyone had finished Joey suggested bringing Benji and the kids for a walk.
‘Can I get the present, Mammy?’ Katie asked excitedly. ‘Is it time?’
‘Yes, it’s time.’ Sarah said with a smile and watched her daughter run to the utility room and pick up a little gift bag.
Joey looked gobsmacked when Katie handed the little bag to him. ‘It’s for Benji!’ Katie shouted. ‘Mammy bought it for him.’
Joey was completely stunned that these lovely people had bought his little dog a present.
‘Thank you so much. Oh my, would you look at that lead, it’s very fancy.’ Joey said admiring the red lead with the little studs around the collar.
‘I picked it, all by myself!’ Katie said beaming.
‘I’ve never bothered with a lead before.’ Joey said to Sarah. ‘We don’t even own one so this is his first one ever!’ he declared affectionately patting his dog on the head.
Sarah smiled at him and said, ‘He doesn’t know this area so I thought a lead would be good especially the way cars drive so fast these days!’
‘You best just do as Mammy says. She will just keep nagging you till you do.’ Tommy said with dramatic seriousness to him.
‘Hey, watch the cheek!’ Sarah said, half-laughing.
‘Benji will wear this lead every day with pride.’ Joey declared firmly. ‘The nicest day I’ve ever had to be honest. Can hardly believe it.’ He muttered.
With the new lead now adorning Benji, Joey, James, Rita and the kids went off for their walk.
Mary insisted that she would stay behind to help Sarah with the tidying up.
‘He’s a lovely man, Sarah and such easy company.’ Mary said as she stacked the dishes in the dishwasher.
‘He is, isn’t he? I’m glad you like him. Think he enjoyed your company too.’ Sarah teased.
‘Would you stop, pet.’ Mary said with a laugh. ‘I don’t think that there’s any sparks flying between us, but he’s good company and I think I’ve found a new friend. That’s always a good thing.’
‘No sparks at all?’ Sarah asked hopefully.
‘None at all, pet.’ Mary replied laughing.
‘Do you think that I’ve done enough?’ Sarah asked her.
‘Well, that I cannot answer, we just don’t know that yet. You’ve taken him away from where Benji could have been killed today. But his fate was to be killed and we can’t always change our fate. At least you have befriended Joey now. You’ve given him something else in his life other than friendship with his dog. You’ve opened your home and your heart to him. That’s something worth living for in my book anyhow. Hopefully it will be enough for Joey too.’
Mary pulled Sarah in for a hug. ‘You’re a good woman.’
Sarah wiped a tear from her eyes. ‘Oh, stop being nice to me. I’m trying hard not to cry at the moment.’ She filled in Mary on the latest news from her wayward husband.
Mary was horrified.
‘Can you help me understand something about my gift? I’m struggling with one thing. I can see things. I get that. But why couldn’t I see this coming? Why couldn’t I see that Paul was lying to me? Surely that’s the one thing I should have been dreaming about?’
‘Ah one of life’s great mysteries. Why can’t I pick the winning numbers for Saturday night’s lottery? For me, I dream about all sorts, but never anything that directly affects or benefits me. Maybe you’ll be different and be able to see things to do with yourself. But in my experience it doesn’t work like that.’
‘Not sure I think that’s fair.’ Sarah moaned. ‘There has to be at least one perk!’
‘I agree!’ Mary laughed. ‘And I hate to break it to you, but the pay is rubbish and the holiday’s non-existent!’ Mary quipped.
Sarah pulled a face and picked up her wine for a sip. She’d only had one glass all day, hated to drink while the kids were with her.
Mary continued. ‘But back to Paul. For what it’s worth I think you’re right to go to London. Confront Paul and demand answers. And, pet, demand money too. If he’s left you, he owes you maintenance for those kiddies of yours. He’s such a silly man; does he not know what he’s left behind?’
Later on, when everyone was back, the kids talked Sarah into putting the Wii games console on. Dividing them into two teams, with Katie and Tommy as captains, they started playing Wii Sports Resort. It was hilarious watching Mary and Rita try to get to grips with the Wii remote. Joey on the other hand was a natural, taking to the virtual world of games like a pro.
It was a great afternoon and it went by very quickly. Before long it was 7 o’clock and time to get Ella down for the night. Rita, Mary and Joey all took their cue from this and said their goodbyes, all thanking Sarah for her hospitality. It had been a good day and the kids had enjoyed themselves so much. They had relaxed for the first time in days and forgotten about Rachel Finch and their missing Daddy for a few hours.
Sarah knew she had to start thinking about the funeral and she was dreading it. She knew that it was going to be very a really tough couple of days for the children.
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