Kitabı oku: «Scandals Of The Royals», sayfa 7

CHAPTER EIGHT

SEX was always good for Rodriguez. It was something he’d used, from a very early age, to escape from the world. To get lost in feelings that were purely good, so that he could block out a recent beating he’d received from his father’s hand, or a verbal assault that had flayed him from the inside out.

But sex was never like this. It had never been about giving with no thought to what he might get back. Though Carlotta had given back more than he’d ever experienced before, it hadn’t been his primary objective.

It hadn’t even entered his mind.

Their bodies had simply worked together. The give and take so perfect and rewarding. He had been lost in her. In the touch of her hands, her taste, her scent. He could have lavished her with attention all night and not been satisfied. Not wholly.

That was another new and unique aspect. This sort of strange, bone-deep fulfillment that made him feel both sated and in need of more.

But not now. Now Carlotta was wrapped around him, her breath deep, warm and moist across his chest.

And he didn’t feel trapped, or crowded, or anything he’d thought he might feel sleeping in the same bed with a woman.

He’d never, ever slept with a lover in the pure, literal sense of the word.

He was up and gone after sex. It was just the sort of liaison he conducted, the kind he was comfortable with. And he made sure he pursued women who wanted the same sort of arrangement.

He didn’t want anyone in his life, only between the sheets. He’d managed to make it to twenty-nine without ever sharing a bed with a woman for the express purpose of what a bed had been built for.

He liked it. The warm weight of her on his chest, liked stroking his hand over her sleek, dark hair. And really enjoyed taking advantage of running his other hand over her bare curves, her skin silken beneath his fingertips.

Carlotta’s body jerked and she pushed herself up partway. “Oh!”

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Mmm,” she whimpered, putting her hand over her face and scrubbing at it for a moment. “What time is it?”

He craned his neck behind them. “Six-thirty.” And he hadn’t slept at all. He’d simply lain there, dissecting the events of the night, enjoying being with her.

“Oh, no,” she said, moving into a sitting position. “Luca will be up in a bit.”

“Let Angelina get him.”

“He comes in looking for me sometimes,” she said, her voice thick from sleep. “I need to go back to my room.”

A strange flash of something sharp and hot stabbed him in the gut. Was he jealous of a five-year-old? Impossible. And ridiculous.

Why was he arguing? He didn’t need to sleep with her. They’d had sex. And that was what having a woman in his bed was all about. Yes, it had been nice to have her with him, but there was no reason for it to feel essential that she stay.

But he sat up with her, unwilling to lie back down if she was getting up. He stood and kicked his clothes, still bunched up by the bed, to the side. Carlotta’s eyes were glued to him in the dim light.

“See something you like?” he asked, walking over to his dresser and digging until he produced a soft black T-shirt.

“A lot of something I like,” she said softly.

He threw the shirt to her and she caught it. “So you don’t have to walk back down the hall in an evening gown,” he said.

“Is anyone up?”

“Possibly. But trust me, you in the hall in something you might have slept in is less of a scandal than you roaming around in the previous night’s attire.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” She didn’t make a move to put it on, she just sat there, holding the soft cotton top over her breasts. He wished she wouldn’t cover them up.

He wasn’t used to this. This strange kind of tense emotion hanging in the air after sex. Sex was supposed to be a release but he felt … fuller somehow. Satisfied yet … yet in desperate need of more. As though he’d tapped into a hunger he didn’t know he possessed, and now that he’d uncovered it, he was almost certain he would never be able to fill it.

He took a deep breath and tried to ease the tight sensation in his chest.

“Are you all right?” he asked, another thing he’d never been compelled to ask after being with a woman. It was all usually clean and focused. It was about the physical, for him and his partner, nothing more.

But Carlotta was going to be his wife. And there was nothing clean and simple about permanent. Or about what she’d told him. About the issues that she had.

Just thinking about that man, Gabriel, was enough to choke him. The bastard had taken something he had no right to. He had stolen Carlotta’s love of herself.

“Yeah,” she said, not quite meeting his gaze. “I’m good.”

“You’re beautiful,” he said. Always when he said it to her, something he’d said easily to so many other women, it felt different. It felt real and essential. It felt like something he had to tell her. Something he had to make her understand.

“Thank you.” She tugged the shirt on, and he watched, savoring every visible inch of her until she was covered.

“You don’t really seem like you believe me.”

“I’m not sure that it matters.”

“Why not?”

“We’re sort of stuck with each other, right?”

He frowned. “It matters because it’s true. And because I don’t feel stuck.” That was true. He wasn’t sure when that feeling had changed, and why it had changed after his promise to be faithful. If anything, the specter of a lifetime of sleeping with the same woman should be looming over him and taunting him with the hellish reality that such prolonged fidelity would bring.

But it wasn’t. And he didn’t feel any kind of dawning horror creeping over him. Right now, the only thing the thought of a lifetime of Carlotta in his bed brought was an intense, hard kick of lust.

“You don’t?”

“I didn’t promise to be faithful to you just to get you into bed. I promised it because I knew it was one I could keep, one I don’t mind keeping.”

“Hmm,” she said, standing from the bed. “It’s just a strange way of putting it.”

“What do you want me to say? I’m trying to tell you, you’re beautiful.”

“I know, I just … Rodriguez I don’t know what I’m doing. I … Thank you. Thank you for not wanting to cheat on me, and for thinking I’m beautiful.”

“That makes it not sound very spectacular.”

“It actually is. I wish you understood how much. Because I believe you.”

His heart squeezed tight. “I think I understand.”

She smiled. “Good. I’m going to go now and make sure Luca’s all right.”

Carlotta edged out of the bedroom and closed the door gently behind her, trying to ignore the dizzy feeling that was making her feel imbalanced and wobbly. She leaned against the wall and fought the urge to collapse. To cry. To scream, maybe.

She felt scared and excited. Hopeful in a way.

She felt like she had a piece of herself back. Or like she’d found herself for the first time. Like she’d punched a hole in the outer shell she’d built around herself from the time she was a child. Like she was ready to emerge from it fully, completely.

Now all she had to do was remember that the sex might feel good. Great. Amazing. But that didn’t mean Rodriguez was going to confess his undying love for her. Just that right now it was good. And she believed him when he said he’d be faithful. To a point.

The one thing she believed, wholly and absolutely, was that he couldn’t give love. It was that blank void she kept glimpsing, the bottomless pit of emptiness she could see in his eyes.

And when she thought of him, she needed to remember that, and not simply the way he’d looked at her when she’d told him her secret. With shock, and anger, not at her but directed at Gabriel, and with nothing but compassion and caring for her.

Even Natalia, her wilder half, had looked at her in openmouthed shock when she’d started to tell her about Gabriel. About his double life. It was why she’d only started talking about him, and never finished the whole story.

Not until last night.

She was very glad she’d waited now. Because even if she and Rodriguez would never love each other, they understood each other.

And that was something rare. Nonexistent in her life. Sophia was the closest thing she had to a confidante anymore and, even then, she hadn’t ever felt like she could really tell her everything.

But Rodriquez had stripped her bare. And she’d liked it.

A smile curved her lips even as a tear slid down her cheek. Now she just had to remember about the falling in love part and everything might go just fine.

She pushed off from the wall and headed to Luca’s room, ignoring the small sliver of pain that lodged itself in her heart.

“Good morning.”

Rodriguez walked into the dining room and was treated to a wide smile from a very perky Luca, who was dipping a churro in his hot chocolate, and a very shy smile from Carlotta, her cheeks glowing pink as she lifted her coffee cup to her lips.

“Morning,” she said softly.

He wanted to kiss her, but he wasn’t sure if he should. He’d never really worried about that. Not for a long time. He’d started flaunting his behavior the moment he’d outgrown his father. Just about daring the old man to try something with him when they were matched for strength.

But right now, it mattered. Because Carlotta was different from other women. Because he didn’t want to do something wrong in front of Luca.

What she’d said about him seeing pictures … it weighed on him. His father hadn’t been an example for him. His father had been the iron fist, in charge of his kingdom, but even more, ruler of his own household.

Rodriguez had started life desperate to stay in line. He had ended up doing just the opposite. Creating scandal for the sake of it.

But now Luca would see that. As would the child he and Carlotta would eventually have. The heir. It was all a lot heavier than the thoughts he was used to dwelling on.

And it kept him from kissing her.

“Sleep well?” he asked, unable to keep the intimate note from his tone.

“Uh, yeah,” she said, looking sideways at Luca.

“I had a bad dream,” Luca said, applying the question about sleep to himself, clearly.

Rodriguez hesitated, never quite sure how to talk to him. “You did?”

“Yes. It was about lions.”

“Lions?”

“Why …” He looked at Carlotta, who seemed fine letting him handle it. “Why lions?”

“They bite,” Luca returned, deadly serious.

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about, as far as lions go,” he said.

“I did in my dream,” Luca said, his expression completely serious.

“Dreams aren’t real, Luca,” Carlotta said, her tone full of warmth.

Rodriguez liked that she talked to Luca. That she never got angry with him for saying what was on his mind. But it made him remember. Dinners that lasted for hours where he was expected to sit and be the heir. Being the heir meant being an object, a collector’s item of interest his father might show dignitaries. Somewhere between his collection of pistols and his prize Andalusians.

He remembered being maybe Luca’s age, sitting here, too afraid to move or speak. Sitting in a dining chair at this same table, wearing a tie that felt like it was choking him. Knowing that if he moved or spoke he would be punished severely. Which meant his options were to sit and try to listen. Never fall asleep. He’d done that once and the resulting punishment had been enough to make sure he’d never done it again.

The idea of someone treating Luca that way, of someone making him stand without moving for hours, smacking his shins if he dared try anything … it made his blood burn.

“You don’t have to be afraid, Luca,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Of lions,” he finished, not sure why he’d spoken the words out loud. “There are no lions in Santa Christobel. None anywhere near here, except at the zoo. We can … go to the zoo if you like. And you can see some lions. They’ll be behind fences though.”

Luca eyed him skeptically, his expression so like Carlotta’s it was uncanny. “They won’t be able to get out?”

“No,” he said, slowly realizing that, whatever he’d had planned today, he was going to the zoo instead.

“Then that sounds good. Are you coming, Mama?”

Carlotta’s lips curved into a half-smile and she flicked him a glance. “Of course.”

A trip to the zoo with Rodriguez wasn’t an average trip to the zoo. It involved having overnight bags packed, and a quick ride on his private jet from Santa Christobel to Barcelona.

Luca was captivated by the zoo from the moment they walked in, and he didn’t seem to notice the covert security detail that created a people-free bubble around them while they traversed the paths that wound through the park.

Every section of the park had been landscaped with plants native to the environment of the animals, the enclosures made as minimal as possible, everything man-made blending into the background, as much as possible.

“This is lovely, Rodriguez. Did you come here as a boy?” she asked, watching Luca’s eyes go round with delight as they came to an exhibit with two tawny owls.

“Like Sherbie and Sherbet!” he said, running up to the front of their Plexiglas enclosure.

“Yes, darling,” she said, laughing at his enthusiasm.

“I’ve never been to the zoo before,” Rodriguez said, his eyes trained on the owls.

“Never? How is that …?”

He shrugged. “We didn’t do things like this when I was a boy. And when I was older … I was more interested in women than owls.”

“I see.” She watched the back of Luca’s head, seeing the sun shine on his glossy, dark hair. She suddenly wanted to pull him to her. To hold him close.

She looked at the man standing next to her. She wanted to hold him too. He should have been taken to the zoo.

“Well, we’re here now,” she said, moving closer to him, but not touching him.

“There’s a woman here too. A beautiful one. So clearly I didn’t know what I was talking about,” he said, offering her one of his lady-slaying grins. It was the first concession he’d made to any kind of attraction all day. It also rang a bit false.

Not because she doubted his attraction, not possible after last night, but because the easy flirty thing wasn’t as easy and flirty today as it was sometimes. Or maybe it really never was that easy and she just knew him better now.

“I like those owls!” Luca said, turning and treating them both to a big smile.

Rodriguez let out a short laugh at that and it made a warm spot start in Carlotta’s heart and spread outward. That wasn’t a sexual feeling either. It was decidedly fuzzy, and directed at Rodriguez. That wasn’t good.

She cleared her throat. “Ready to go see something else, Luca?”

Luca frowned. “The lions, I guess.”

“You guess?” she asked.

He took a deep breath, his small shoulders rising dramatically. “I’m ready.” He looked up at Rodriguez and stuck out his hand.

Rodriguez looked down at the small, outstretched hand and he felt something akin to panic well up in him. He swallowed hard, and looked into earnest green eyes, then up into Carlotta’s matching green eyes. And he couldn’t hurt either of them by denying Luca’s nonverbal request.

He reached out and wrapped his hand around Luca’s tiny fingers. He felt small. Fragile. And it reminded him, so vividly, what it was like to be that size. So powerless. And yet, for the first time, it also made him understand what it was to truly want to protect someone.

“Do you have the map, Carlotta?” he asked, his throat tight.

“Yes. For lions, we keep going straight.”

“All right then.” He tightened his grip on Luca’s hand and walked down the cobblestone trail, Luca’s legs having to take two steps to his one. He slowed down to try and match the boy’s pace and Carlotta moved next to Luca, taking his other hand in hers.

It was a scene of domesticity he’d never quite imagined being a part of. Not as a child, not as … whatever he was to Luca. A stepfather, or at least future stepfather. Strange to think of himself that way. Strange to have Luca cling to him as though Rodriguez was going to offer him protection.

He looked over Luca’s head at Carlotta. She could have made Luca the sort of child who didn’t trust people. She had ample reason to. But it was clear that Luca simply accepted that anyone his mother deemed all right was trustworthy.

Already, Luca accepted that he was safe with him and that was … It was humbling in a way he had not anticipated. And still created that bit of panic in him.

“There they are,” he said, pointing to the enclosure. There were four lions lounging by the tall fence, and he felt Luca shrink by his side, his little body tense. “We can go if you like,” he said. “We don’t have to stay.” Because more than anything, he didn’t want to lose Luca’s trust.

When he thought of what his own father would have done in this situation, it made his entire body want to recoil. “I’ll look at them,” Luca said, his grip tightening on Rodriguez’s hand. He stood stiff next to Rodriguez, his eyes fixed on the lions.

“They aren’t bad, Luca. See?” he said.

The large golden creatures were lethargic in the midday heat, stretched out by the fence, ears twitching. They didn’t seem to notice, or care, that they were being watched.

Gradually, Luca relaxed, but he never released his hold on Rodriguez. “We can go now,” Luca said.

Rodriguez laughed and looked at Carlotta. “I’m sure that’s fine.”

The smile Carlotta gave him was something new too. There was trust there. A different kind than the kind she’d shown him last night. Something that seemed even bigger.

“Lead the way, Luca,” Carlotta said, still holding her son’s hand.

Luca didn’t release his hold on Rodriguez, so he continued on with them, letting Luca cling to him like he was a lifeline, and wondering what the little boy would think if he knew what kind of man Rodriguez really was.

“He’s completely exhausted,” Carlotta said, closing the door to the bedroom she’d installed Luca in. He had been placed, strategically, on the opposite end of the penthouse to this room, and the room Carlotta had installed herself in.

Angelina’s room was next to Luca’s, and she was ready to take care of him during the night. He hoped that would entice Carlotta to come to his bed. And stay in it all night.

Angelina had spent the day in Barcelona and had returned late, arms full of shopping bags, ready to stay at the penthouse with Luca, so he could take Carlotta out for the evening.

“I’m not surprised he’s tired. I can’t even guess how much ground we covered today.”

“We kept having to run back and see the lions,” she said, a smile curving her full lips. He hadn’t touched her all day, hadn’t thought he should with Luca there. Now he was aching with the need to pull her into his arms.

To feel her soft, naked body against his.

She’d made him wait two weeks after the explosive kiss in the hall to finally satisfy his desire for her. He’d never waited for a woman before. They’d been interchangeable. Carlotta was not. Carlotta felt necessary.

And after having her once, he only needed her more.

Rodriguez forced a laugh through his constricted throat. “Here’s hoping we don’t have a nightmare relapse as a result.”

“I doubt it. He’ll be sleeping too soundly. I love the penthouse, by the way,” she said, indicating the glossy, wide-open space around them.

“Thank you. I haven’t had a chance to come here in a while. But I moved to Barcelona when I was seventeen. Not here. This is new.”

“Gorgeous,” she said, walking over to one of the large picture windows and looking out at the city below, lit up and in motion.

“Would you like to go out?” he asked.

“What else haven’t you done, Rodriguez?”

He crossed from where he was standing and took her hand in his, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “I haven’t done that yet today. It’s a shame.”

She let out a long breath. “It really is a shame. I’m glad you’ve rectified it.”

“Me too.”

“What else haven’t you done? No zoo. Anything else?”

She was so sincere, so sweet. He could sense a caring behind her question that he wasn’t certain he’d ever experienced before. It made him uncomfortable. To have her caring for him. Feeling for him.

He moved near her, touching her face, trying to shift the focus back to the physical. “What about you, Carlotta Santina? What haven’t you done?”

Her green eyes glittered in the dim light, nothing shy or restrained in her expression. “There are quite a few things I’ve never done. I’ve never just wandered around a city. Never just done something for the pure enjoyment of it. Without a real goal beyond simply living.”

“I haven’t either. Maybe we could share a first?”

“I like that idea very much.”

The night air was warm and heavy, the streets of the city teeming with activity. Nightlife in the city was amazing, and Rodriguez had more than taken advantage of his share of it in the past. But this was different. Innocent in a way, and yet, nothing with Carlotta could truly be innocent. Not when his thoughts drifted to the sex every time he looked at her gorgeous curves.

He’d walked through Las Ramblas during the day, but he’d never lingered on the street at night. He was too busy hitting clubs and picking up women back in his college days to do anything as mundane as visiting an open-air market, or enjoying watching street performers.

Nothing about it seemed mundane tonight. Not with Carlotta, wide-eyed and grinning at his side. They blended in here, not royal, not anything but one of the crowd of hundreds milling around in the wide-open boulevard.

Music from the surrounding restaurants and clubs bled out onto the street, mixing, but not blending, adding to the chaotic atmosphere.

“This is amazing,” Carlotta said. “A definite first for me.”

“Me too.”

She leaned into him, her hand slipping easily into his, her cheek pressed against his shoulder. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, the action natural, casual in a way he’d never been with a woman before. But he found he liked it. Liked it a lot.

“Oh, Rodriguez, let’s go look at the dancer!”

She tugged on his hand and led him through the crowd toward the sound of a guitar rising above the thumping techno music echoing from the clubs.

There was a woman, standing in a clear spot on the cobblestones, a man to her left playing the guitar. She was dancing, high heels stomping hard on the ground, her red dress flaring up to the top of her thighs.

“She’s beautiful,” Carlotta said, a wistful note in her voice.

“Not more beautiful than you are.” It was the truth, and it was usually what a woman wanted to hear when she said something like that.

“No she’s … it’s different. She’s so … free. Everything is so … open and out there. Her passion for life.”

“I have tasted your passion, Carlotta.” He leaned in and kissed her temple. “You are like living fire in my arms. You don’t have to hide anything from me.”

She looked at him, her eyes bright. “I can’t. You take my control from me.”

“It’s mutual.”

“I’m glad.”

“Passion is beautiful,” he said, looking at the dancer again. “Your passion is beautiful.” He turned his attention back to Carlotta. “It is a shame you were ever made to feel differently.”

She smiled at him and he felt it down deep, like a punch in the gut. “I’m learning to see things a bit differently.”

Dios. Her smile. He felt strange now. Lighter and heavier at the same time. He wasn’t sure how she accomplished things like that. “Do you want dinner?”

“Dinner would be lovely.”

He ordered them both beer and tapas and set the baskets on an outdoor table. They were surrounded by street performers dressed as trees, every so often a tree would bend in a different direction. It made everything seem surreal. Not quite of the world he knew. It fit nicely with the things Carlotta was making him feel. “Very good,” she said, taking a bite of salted cod.

“What do you think of your first real out-on-the-town experience?”

“Amazing. And what did you think of your first trip to the zoo?”

“I enjoyed it. Even more because of how Luca seemed to get so much out of everything. Especially the lions.”

“He’s had nightmares about them on and off, don’t ask me why, because I’m not really sure. I don’t think I ever could have talked him into seeing them in person.”

“You think I did?”

“He’s different around you. He seems … confident. It’s cute.”

“I was trying to think what my father might have done if I was afraid of lions,” Rodriguez said, not sure why he’d spoken the words out loud. He cleared his throat. “He wouldn’t have thrown me in the cage, obviously, since I’m the heir. But … he believed in making me a man.”

Carlotta frowned, her well-groomed brows pulled together. “He wouldn’t have scared you….”

“Sure he would have. If he thought it would make me into the kind of man who could lead Santa Christobel as he sees fit. As it is, I’m sure he will be disappointed. Well, no, he won’t. Because he won’t be alive to see it,” he said, trying to keep his tone light. Dismissive.

Carlotta studied his face, her heart feeling too large for her chest. After last night she couldn’t deny feeling nothing for him. It wasn’t just the sex, it was everything. The fact that he’d listened. The fact that she’d even wanted to tell him.

Then today, with Luca. She was right, Luca did scare him, even if she didn’t fully understand why. But the way he was with him, the way he tried, that touched her. He might be a natural charmer with women, but he wasn’t with children.

Even so, that panic, the way he talked about his father, it all made her feel slightly sick. She didn’t really want to ask more. And yet she felt like she had to. Because … she’d told him everything. She wanted to know who he was.

“You seem to know about everything fun in Barcelona. Tell me about it,” she said, deciding it was probably a neutral enough topic.

“About what?”

“You. Your penthouse. Why you moved here when you were seventeen.”

“Teenagers always want to get away, right?”

“I didn’t. I was really good. Until I turned twenty-three. But Natalia was more like that.”

“She’s your twin?”

“Yes. But we aren’t really alike at all. We aren’t really very close anymore either. I blamed her for a while but, to be honest, I think I did my share of distancing. I mean, I talk to everyone, but when you’re hiding something how close can you really be? I feel like I’ve been guarding my secret and licking my wounds for the past six years. Hard to maintain meaningful relationships when you’re that busy … hiding.”

“I imagine. I don’t maintain any, so it’s never been a problem.”

“Oh. So, you didn’t make a lot of friends here?”

“I did. I went to college here. Had a lot of friends. Lots of girlfriends. I was able to feel normal for a while. I had a lot of fun here.”

“I take it you didn’t have fun in Santa Christobel.”

He frowned. “I don’t feel at home there.”

“This place reminds me more of you,” she said. Barcelona was alive. Casual and fun. It lacked the pomp and circumstance of his home country.

“I don’t feel at home here either,” he said. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” She took another bite of her fish.

“Like I’m a wounded puppy. I have never been concerned with concepts of home and family. I have nothing to complain about. I had food. I had shelter. Plenty of people don’t have that.”

“That’s not all people need.”

“Sure it is. I came to Barcelona for fun. To get away from my father. Common story,” he said. He made it sound light. Casual. He was very good at that. But she knew it wasn’t. Because it was there again, that horrible bleakness in his eyes.