Kitabı oku: «Regency Pleasures and Sins Part 1», sayfa 16

‘Well, I doubt if being turned down by me will be an adequate shock,’ Tallie observed. It was a most peculiar sensation, having this intimate discussion about Nick in the dark. It was almost like talking to herself and it most certainly did not feel real. ‘I must confess, Aunt Kate, I did overhear you both discussing his marriage plans. Being turned down by an eligible young lady would, I imagine, administer the appropriate salutary shock. Being spurned by a shockingly eccentric milliner is unlikely to do more than sting his pride.’

‘Oh, dear.’ Lady Parry sighed. ‘I appear to have made a mull of everything.’

‘Do not say so!’ Tallie impetuously moved to sit next to her patroness and hugged her. ‘I have had a lovely time, truly. And I could not have hoped for a warmer welcome than you and William have given me. It is an experience I will always treasure, but I am not cut out for this sort of life. If you will allow me, may I borrow the carriage to go down to Putney tomorrow to stay with Miss Scott? She thinks she has found the perfect house for her school and wants me to approve it.

‘If I stay perhaps a week, then Lord Arndale will forget all this nonsense about having to marry me and I can come back and finish the Season, if you will allow.’

‘Of course you may have the carriage.’ The vehicle drew up outside the house as Lady Parry spoke and she continued as the groom helped her down. ‘And of course you must finish the Season. I cannot imagine how I am going to get along without you; I have had so much pleasure from your company.’

‘And I from yours, dearest adoptive Aunt.’ Tallie kissed Lady Parry on the cheek as they stood in the hall, blinking in the light of the many-branched candelabra that Rainbird had set on the side-table. ‘Thank you so very much.’

Tallie managed to escape the next morning with her portmanteau without an encounter with Nicholas—who, as she had predicted to Lady Parry—had kept to his room until noon. Had Tallie known it, her haste to escape was quite unnecessary. His lordship was far too old a hand at games of cat and mouse to press his suit so soon after the ball. He partook of a leisurely luncheon before strolling round to Clifford Street to visit his tailor, then made his way to his club and passed a pleasant afternoon apparently immersed in the news-sheets and keeping half an ear open for gossip about Mr Hemsley’s fall from grace.

His quarry, meanwhile, sank back against the squabs with a sigh, which might have been either relief or regret, and watched the bustling street scene as it passed. How long was it since she had counted every penny before considering whether to take a hackney carriage? Not so many weeks, and here she was taking for granted the luxury of a private carriage with liveried servants at her beck and call.

Tallie took a firm grip on her imagination, which was wistfully conjuring up images of a certain grey-eyed gentleman, and thought fondly of dear Miss Gower, whose kindness had led her to pluck an anonymous young lady out of her genteel poverty and establish her in comfort and elegance. The smile that curved Tallie’s lips at the memory of the doughty old lady faded as she wondered how many other young women the City held who were forced to make their own way in a hostile world, most of them without the benefits of upbringing and education she had received.

The germ of an idea began to form as the carriage drove into the country near Little Chelsea; by the time it had reached the village of Fulham her eyes were positively sparkling. Yes! This is what I can do … Tallie knew next to nothing about the advanced theories of education that Zenna held so dear, but she did know what sort of start in life an impoverished young woman needed, and it was not just young ladies fallen on hard times who required help.

The pretty view of the Thames from Putney bridge passed unnoticed, and when the coachman drew up in front of the tall double-fronted house just off the High Street in Putney Tallie was so lost in thought that the groom had to cough to draw her attention to the fact that he had been patiently holding the door open for her for some moments.

‘I am so sorry,’ Tallie apologised, stuffing her tablets and pencil into her reticule and jumping down. ‘I had an idea. Zenna! Have you been watching for me? I am sorry not to have given you more notice.’ The friends embraced, then Tallie allowed herself to be shown into the house.

‘What do you think of it?’ Zenna asked anxiously. ‘The country air is so pleasant, and it is not too far from town, I thought …’

‘Is it big enough?’ Tallie demanded, staring around her with furrowed brow.

‘Big enough? But I was worried that you would think it too big!’ Zenobia broke off, torn between relief and puzzlement. ‘There are two wings at the back that do not show from the road. I had thought perhaps a dozen young girls and a dozen older ones. There is ample room for that and for classrooms and rooms for the assistant mistresses, a dining hall, a suite of rooms for me and servants’ rooms. The kitchens are rather antiquated, but a new close range and a little work and they will be perfectly acceptable.’

‘No, it needs to be bigger.’ Tallie took her friend’s arm and began to march towards the stairs. ‘Can we manage to accommodate another dozen or so girls? Not fee-paying ones, but poor girls who would benefit from a good education? And a suite for me as well.’

‘Well, there is room, we might have to do more work on the left-hand wing, I suppose.’ Zenna dug her heels in and they stopped abruptly at the foot of the stairs. ‘But who is going to pay for these girls? And why do you want a suite of rooms? Surely you are going to marry Lord Arndale?’

‘I am going to pay for them and, no, I am not going to marry Nicholas or anyone else. I am ruined and I intend to devote myself to the education and advancement of deserving girls.’

Chapter Twenty-One

‘Ruined?’ Zenna squeaked. ‘How? Who by?’

‘Really, Zenna,’ Tallie chided, starting to climb the stairs. ‘Do you not mean “by whom”?’

‘You know perfectly well what I mean,’ Zenna said fiercely, running to catch up. ‘I suppose it was Lord Arndale, and why are you not marrying him? You might be … I mean …’

‘Expecting a child?’ Tallie stopped on the landing and surveyed the doors opening off it. ‘This will need some redecoration, will it not? No, I am not in any danger of that. It appears that one can be quite effectively ruined without any of the supposed pleasures one might expect in the process.’

‘Talitha Grey!’ Zenna stopped dead in front of her and wagged a finger. ‘Stop sounding flippant and as if you do not care. I know you better than that, remember. Why will you not marry Lord Arndale, for goodness’ sake? You are in love with the man after all.’

‘But he is not in love with me,’ Tallie replied briskly. ‘And I have no intention of finding myself married to a man who will be making the best of things by regarding me as a cross between an unpaid housekeeper, a hostess for his entertaining and a brood mare.’ She paused and added with a rueful smile, ‘And not necessarily in that order!’

‘Tallie! I am certain Lord Arndale would never—’

‘Oh, he would be perfectly charming, I am sure, and I would live a life enriched with every comfort and elegancy.’ She broke off to push open a door. ‘These rooms are very spacious for the second floor, are they not?

‘The children would be a joy, of course,’ she added somewhat absently, ‘although I would prefer it if their father had married me because he loved me, not first and foremost because he had compromised me.’

They had arrived at the end of the corridor and Tallie started to climb the narrow stairs in front of her. ‘Where does this go?’

‘To the attics and down to the kitchens. Tallie, do stop and come and sit down and have some luncheon and tell me why you will not marry his lordship. What has upset you so?’ Zenna regarded her friend’s set face. ‘Now, this minute, Tallie! Or I swear I will write to Lord Arndale and demand to know what he has done to you.’

Miss Zenobia Scott was not given to making threats she would not carry out. Tallie allowed herself to meet her friend’s eyes for the first time that day and smiled ruefully, finding it difficult to prevent her lip quivering.

‘Very well, Zenna,’ she capitulated meekly, following her down the twisting servants’ stair to the ground floor.

‘Mrs Blackstock is staying with her cousin, but the lady kindly lent me two of her maids so that I could stay here for a few days and assess the house better. The owner is proving so co-operative that I think he must be having trouble disposing of such a large establishment. That gives me hope we can drive a hard bargain.’

She tugged the bell-pull and spoke a few words to the maid who appeared in answer. ‘There, something will be ready in ten minutes. Now sit down, Tallie, please, and tell me what has occurred.’

Taking a deep breath, Tallie repeated the tale she had told Lady Parry the day before. It was easier the second time round and without Nick there it was considerably less embarrassing. She was also far more frank with her friend about exactly what had happened when she awoke in Nick’s bedroom.

‘Oh, my goodness,’ Zenna said weakly, her eyes round with shock. ‘And his lordship did not …’

‘No.’

‘Goodness,’ she repeated. ‘I would have thought that his lordship is quite … er … that is, he is very …’

‘Very,’ Tallie agreed drily.

Zenna digested this for a moment. ‘And he does desire you?’

‘So it would seem. But then, most men appear to have very passionate desires. It means nothing in particular to them. It is certainly no basis for a marriage.’ Tallie turned to her friend, suddenly fierce. ‘I have no intention of sharing my husband with his mistress, however much Society may turn a blind eye to that sort of behaviour.’

‘It appears to be almost expected in Society marriages,’ Zenna agreed sadly. ‘But are you so sure he does not love you?’ She bit her lip, obviously searching for some hopeful comment. ‘Perhaps he is shy and … no, perhaps not.’

‘I cannot imagine the circumstances in which Nicholas Stangate would be shy,’ Tallie said with a smile at the thought. ‘Besides, he tried every argument to point out to me just how necessary this match is. If he loved me, surely that was when he should have told me?’

‘You would think so, but men are unaccountable beings,’ Zenna mused, breaking off at a tap on the door. ‘That will be luncheon ready. We will serve ourselves, so we can continue talking.’

The meal was set out in a charming parlour at the back of the house, giving Tallie the opportunity to admire the garden.

But Zenna was not to be diverted. ‘So how have you left things? Surely you cannot avoid meeting Lord Arndale if you are continuing to reside with Lady Parry?’

‘He has wagered me that I will agree to marry him within two weeks of yesterday.’

‘He is very sure of himself!’

‘He is indeed, which is why I want you to promise me that you will not admit him here if he calls. A few days’ peace will allow me to think about how I can best dissuade him from this.’ Zenna looked doubtful, but Tallie persisted. ‘Promise me, Zenna!’

‘Very well,’ her friend agreed. ‘Beside our friends and tradespeople, I will admit prospective parents only.’

That provoked a laugh from Tallie. ‘Come now, Zenna! Even for someone as confident as you, that is carrying expectation too far, is it not?’

‘It is not impossible,’ Zenna retorted, passing a plate of ham across the table. ‘I have confided my intentions to a number of people and I do think this house will prove suitable. Now, tell me more calmly about this idea of yours to admit young women of no means. How can we afford it?’

‘I will pay their fees. We cannot take many, I quite realise that, but even a few who leave with the skills to manage their own small business, or become governesses or companions—surely that is better for them than struggling in poverty when they have the intelligence and the spirit to do better for themselves?’

Zenna looked thoughtful. ‘Yes, you are right. Think what a difficult situation you or I would have been in if we had tried to make our own way in the world with no education.’ She delved into her reticule for the set of tablets and pencil that inevitably accompanied her. ‘This has given me much to think about and will change some of my calculations.’ She sucked the end of her pencil thoughtfully. ‘How many girls do you think we should start with?’

Tallie, who had begun by using her idea as a defence against having to think about Nick and how miserable she felt, found herself drawn deep into Zenna’s plans and how they could be adapted to accommodate her ‘special students', as Zenna called them.

Dinner time found the pair of them still hunched over the dining table surrounded by sheets of paper, Zenna’s tablets long exhausted. Rough sketch plans of each floor with scribbled notes about alterations jostled with lists of everything from subjects to be taught to bed linen required.

They continued during the meal until Tallie spilled gravy on Zenna’s tabulated curriculum for the youngest girls.

‘Enough!’ she announced, mopping it up. ‘I am too tired to concentrate any more. In fact, if you will excuse me, Zenna, I will go direct to my bed. I declare I had no idea that education would be such an exhausting undertaking.’

Her friend, who had been prepared to carry on talking until she dropped if that helped keep the haunted look from Tallie’s eyes, nodded encouragingly. ‘What a good idea. I will just make sure the maids have locked up and then I will not be far behind you.’

Tallie fell asleep instantly, hardly stirring when Zenna slipped into the other side of the big bed they were sharing.

But her slumber was racked with nightmares and she tossed and turned, muttering under her breath until poor Zenna seriously considered taking a pillow and the counterpane and trying to sleep on the chaise longue in the front parlour.

In consequence, it was two heavy-eyed young ladies who regarded each other over a very late breakfast. ‘What were you dreaming about?’ Zenna demanded bluntly, draining her second helping of hot chocolate and reaching for the pot to refill her cup. ‘It was like sharing the bed with a basket of puppies.’

Tallie rubbed her aching brow and tried to recall. ‘I was in class and you were telling me to write on my slate “I will marry Lord Arndale” one thousand times. And when I refused you turned into him and he shouted at me that I was ruined and must go and stand in the corner and disobeying him was no way to learn ancient Greek. And I would not do that either so he took me in his arms and …’

‘Yes?’ Zenna’s chocolate cup tilted dangerously.

‘… said he would have to kiss me until I could do all my irregular verbs.’

‘I am sure I would never have learned mine if that was the penalty for disobedience,’ Zenna observed dispassionately.

‘Zenna!’

‘Well, he is extraordinarily attractive, and if you do not want him …’

‘I do want him! But not on his terms, so there is no use in teasing me—I am not refusing him on a whim.’

They both chased their sweet rolls around their plates in a desultory manner.

‘I suppose I should sort out those papers from yesterday,’ Zenna observed, making no move to do so.

‘Hmm. It is a nice day; perhaps we should look at the garden.’ Tallie too stayed sitting at the breakfast table.

Suddenly Zenna pushed back her chair and got to her feet. ‘I know what will blow the cobwebs away. Come along, up to the attics.’

‘That’s more likely to cover us in cobwebs,’ Tallie grumbled, but she submitted to being urged towards the back stairs and climbed up behind Zenna to the very top.

‘There!’ Zenna flung open the door to reveal light-filled, spacious rooms opening one after another. ‘There is a mansard roof,’ she explained, gesturing at the high ceilings and big windows. ‘It is unconventional, but I thought of having my rooms up here.

There is room for both of us, in fact—a bedroom each, two dressing-rooms and a big sitting-room.’

Tallie nodded, catching her enthusiasm.

‘But the space is not the best thing, just look at the view.’ Zenna flung open a window and, ducking slightly, stepped out onto the leads. Without thinking Tallie followed her, then clutched the window frame with a gasp.

Because of the design of the roof there was a flat walkway, perhaps five foot wide, running around the edge of the roof before it sloped up steeply to its flat top. The edge was bounded by a stone balustrade at about waist height and, even with her back to the window, Tallie could see the wide view across the rooftops of Putney to the sparkle of the river beyond.

Careless of the height, Zenna perched on the balustrade and called, ‘Come and see. It is quite safe, the stonework is sound.’ She glanced back over her shoulder, and saw Tallie’s face. ‘Oh, I am sorry, I had forgotten about your fear of heights.’

‘It is very foolish of me,’ Tallie said firmly, making herself let go of the window frame and stand up. ‘The view is indeed lovely and I think the rooms would be delightful.’ Her stomach heaved, but she managed to fix a smile on her face, wondering what she could do to lure Zenna off the parapet and away from that dreadful drop.

In the event Zenna hopped off with as little concern as she would have shown getting up from a chair and leaned over, heedless of the effect on the elbows of her gown. ‘Oh, look, a carriage has drawn up. Now who can that be?’ She leaned further, oblivious of Tallie’s squeak of alarm. ‘Not Mrs Blackstock, for it is not a hackney carriage. I know—it must be Lady Whinstanley, she was most interested when I told her about my plans and she has a house somewhere near.’

‘You had better run down, then,’ Tallie managed to say. ‘It would never do to keep her waiting.’ To her immense relief Zenna straightened up and ducked back through the window.

As the sound of her footsteps diminished down the stairs Tallie began to back into the room, eyeing the balustrade warily as though it might leap at her and toss her over. Then something stopped her. Quite what it was she could not decide, but the sound of Nick’s voice calmly telling her she could step out onto that nightmare of a ledge at Mr Harland’s house mixed with the hasty apology that Zenna had made when she remembered her fears.

Nick had had to put himself at great risk by having to coax and support her along that ledge. Zenna was doubtless regretting her plan for converting this lovely space into rooms because she knew Tallie was scared of the height.

She made herself step out again, clinging to the window frame as she had before. At least she was certain this was a genuine fear and she was not indulging herself in order to draw attention, or have a man protect her. Here she was alone and as terrified as she had been at the studio. But if she could only manage to conquer the fear enough to stand out here and admire the view with Zenna, that would be something.

She held on to the window and looked up, studiously following a bird in flight until it began to swoop down. That was all right; she could look at the tree tops. She dropped her eyes further and her stomach lurched with them, but after perhaps five minutes carefully gazing at the distant prospect she felt able to let go of the window and walk up and down the wide ledge.

This was so successful that she even let her eyes stray to the parapet and its broad top. It was far wider than any stool she had ever sat upon. How proud of her Zenna would be if she could sit on that or even just lean against it. Her stomach lurched again.

Tallie closed her eyes and began to pace up and down, repeating out loud, ‘I will not give in, I will not.’ She put out a groping hand and found the parapet, edged towards it and, with her face screwed up into a scowl of grim determination, eyes still tight shut, started to hitch one hip up onto the broad top as she had seen Zenna do.

The voice shouting ‘No!’ hit her almost at the same moment as the arms that seized her, dragged her round and off the parapet.

She screamed, opened her eyes and saw her worst nightmare, the wide view spinning around her. She was falling, helpless …

With another shriek Tallie hit the steep slope of the Mansard roof, her breath crushed out of her by the body that pinned her there. Hands pressed her face to a broad chest, fingers laced desperately in her hair and a voice, a familiar voice sounding utterly unfamiliar, repeated words that made no sense at all.

Tallie stopped flailing and trying to find breath to scream and heard incredulously what Nick Stangate was gasping into her hair, against her face.

‘My love, my darling … no … I am sorry, I will not harass you any more, I promise, my love … only promise me you will never do anything like that again. Tallie, my heart, I will never come near you, if only you’ll promise me …’

She gave up trying to push him away and reached to fasten her hands in his hair, forcing his head back so she could gaze incredulously into Nick’s face. His eyes were wild, dark, his expression vulnerable as she had never seen it.

‘What did you call me?’ she managed to whisper.

‘My love.’ His voice was hoarse. ‘Tallie darling, I never meant to hound you until you would do something so desperate …’

‘You thought I was going to jump?’ Of course, that must have been what it looked like. ‘Oh, no Nick, I was just trying to sit on the ledge, like Zenna did. She was so disappointed that I might not want to share her rooms up here because of the height. I was only trying to conquer my fear.’

He slowly straightened his arms until he was standing with her trapped by them, her back against the near-vertical slope of the roof. He closed his eyes and Tallie saw the tension ebb out of him. ‘Of all the damn fool, witless ideas,’ he said, his voice shaking. Then he caught hold of himself and the grey gaze was furious on her face. ‘You could have been killed, you could have become dizzy, fallen. You were all by yourself up here. It was the most hen-witted …’

Tallie swallowed and enquired meekly, ‘Did you call me your love?’

‘Yes.’ The glare faded. ‘Tallie, my darling, never, never do anything like that to me again. You have taken years off my life—in fact, I will probably wake up tomorrow with white hair.’

‘Very distinguished,’ Tallie murmured, the growing bubble of happiness welling up inside her, threatening to burst and leave her speechless. ‘Did you mean it when you called me that?’

‘Of course I meant it.’ Nick touched a cautious finger to her cheek. ‘Your face is dirty. Did I hurt you just now?’

‘No, I do not think so. Nick, why did you not tell me? You made me all those arguments about why I had to marry you and never mentioned the one thing—the only thing—that matters to me.’

‘I had no idea that I loved you,’ he admitted, regarding her ruefully. ‘Not an inkling. I knew I desired you, but that seemed to blind me to what else I was feeling.’ He shook his head, apparently trying to explain things to himself as much as to Tallie. ‘I knew I worried about you and you infuriated me and puzzled me. I wanted to protect you and I wanted to make passionate love to you—and half the time I wanted to shake you. How was I to know I was in love with you? I have never been in love before.’

‘Neither have I.’

‘Then you do love me? After what I’ve done to you? Embarrassed you in the street, pried into your life, disapproved of your friends, kissed you in the most improper way, compromised you …’

‘… looked after me, saved my reputation, fought for me, made me laugh, made me want to behave in the most abandoned and outrageous manner?’

‘Then why would you not marry me when I asked you, you little wretch?’

Tallie regarded him in loving exasperation. ‘What, agree to marry a man who was lecturing me on how I was ruined and had to marry him? Marry a man whom I had just overheard telling his aunt all about his now useless plans to marry a well-connected nice young Society miss?’

‘Ah, I can see that would be a consideration.’ Nick regarded her steadily, all the amusement gone from his eyes. ‘It would have been a terrible mistake, that nice young Society miss. I would have been bored in a month. What I want—what I need—is a beautiful, scandalous, argumentative milliner.’

‘Is that a proposal, my lord?’

‘That is a proposal, Miss Grey. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’ Nick stepped back, leaving her free, as though he did not want to constrain her answer any more than her person.

Tallie dropped a neat curtsy. ‘Thank you, my lord. I accept with all my heart.’

The sensation that this must be a dream—an impossible, wonderful dream—was swept away as Nick swooped and caught her up in his arms, carried her through into the attic and, setting her on her feet, proceeded to kiss her with a thoroughness that even the most torrid dream could not conjure up. This was indeed real.

Tallie finally managed to free herself and hold him off with both hands hard on his chest. ‘Nick, tell me truly, will your family be very shocked at such a misalliance? Because if they will be I could not bear to be the cause of any coldness between you.’

‘My aunt loves you already, William adores you like a sister, my assorted great-aunts and great-uncles who have yet to meet you will congratulate me upon securing such a charming bride and my dear mama, who is nursing a collection of completely imaginary ailments in Bath, will dote upon you. And, besides, I have a clinching argument.’

Tallie regarded the twinkle in his eyes with some suspicion. ‘And what might that be?’

‘The economy of having a wife who can make her own hats. Why, I need give you but a fraction of the dress allowance I would otherwise have to.’

‘You beast!’ Tallie seized a cushion off the moth-eaten sofa, which comprised the furnishings of the attic room, and swung wildly at Nick with it. He retaliated with its companion and the space was instantly a snowstorm of dust and feathers. Almost unable to breath with giggles and sneezes Tallie landed a telling blow just as the door swung open to reveal Zenna, a look of horror on her face.

‘Oh, no!’ she wailed and promptly burst into tears. Tallie had never seen her with so much as a dampness in her eye; appalled, she dropped her cushion and ran to put her arms around her friend.

‘Zenna dearest, what is wrong?’

‘I thought … I thought I was doing the right thing letting Lord Arndale in,’ Zenna hiccupped miserably. ‘I thought he really loved you, and all the time he just wanted to ravish you and you had to beat him off …’

‘Ravish her …!’

‘Do be quiet, Nick, can you not see that Zenna is upset? We were having a pillow fight, Zenna darling, that is all. He does love me, we are going to get married.’

‘Truly?’

‘Truly.’ Tallie regarded her friend’s pink-faced embarrassment severely as she scrabbled in her pocket for her handkerchief. ‘But what were you about letting Nick in? You promised me that you would not.’

‘I asked him if he would send his daughters to my school,’ Zenna stated, blowing her nose defiantly. ‘And he said of course he would—so that makes him a prospective parent. And you agreed I might let those in.’

‘We would, would we not, my darling?’ Nick enquired.

‘Would what?’ Tallie was too amazed at Zenna’s duplicity to follow his question.

‘Send our daughters here.’

‘Our daughters? Oh!’ Tallie gazed at Nick, the blush spreading up her face. ‘You would like daughters?’

‘Two daughters and two sons seems a reasonable sort of number to me, but naturally it is something I feel we should discuss at considerable length.’

‘Excuse me,’ Zenna said with some firmness, her schoolmistress expression back on her face, the effect only marred by a very pink nose. ‘I should point out that this is a most improper conversation and that we should go downstairs, Talitha. I am sure his lordship will have many things to arrange and will be calling upon you on your return to London tomorrow. I will accompany you.’

Nick gave way with grace in the face of such a formidable front. His bow on the dusty threshold was a model of deportment and his face serious as he said, ‘You are entirely correct, Miss Scott. Miss Grey, I will call tomorrow afternoon if you will permit.’

He then spoiled the effect, much to Tallie’s delight, by seizing her by the shoulders and kissing her lingeringly on the lips. ‘Darling Tallie, I adore you.’ And he was gone.