Kitabı oku: «Her Cowboy Inheritance», sayfa 3

Chapter Three

Though the invitation had been friendly enough when it had been issued, Shane couldn’t help feeling unwanted when he arrived for dinner later that week. It wasn’t that they had put out a mat in front of the door that said Go Away, but they might as well have.

Leah ushered him into the kitchen with a frown so deep, it almost made him wonder if someone had died. But since all his previous attempts at humor had gone astray with her, he wasn’t going to mention it. The house was quiet, and while he would have liked to have asked about the boys, that also hadn’t gone well the last time. Usually, he got along with everyone. But for whatever reason, he couldn’t connect with Leah.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked, hoping he sounded friendly and nonthreatening.

With most people, he’d have given up by now. But he couldn’t forget the sadness in Helen’s voice whenever she’d talked about her girls and the difficulties they’d had in life. He wanted to think that whatever kept them so closed off was more about the tragedies they had suffered than anything he had done. But maybe it was a good place to start a conversation.

When the shake of her head was accompanied by yet another scowl, he knew he couldn’t let it go.

“Have I done something to offend you?”

She stopped, holding the pitcher she’d just brought over to the sink. “No. Why do you ask?”

“You seem distant. Like you don’t want me here. You’ve barely said a word to me, and everything I can think of saying to you, I’m afraid it will only make the distance greater.”

Leah looked genuinely wounded by his words. Like he’d called her out in a harsher way than he’d intended.

“I’m sorry,” she said, setting the pitcher on the counter and wiping her hands on her apron. “It’s been a rough day. Erin is interviewing at a nearby ranch to do their books, and Nicole ran to the store for more bread. The boys are asleep on the couch, and when you got here, I was focused on being quiet so they wouldn’t wake up.”

He followed her gaze as she looked around the kitchen and realized that the room was in shambles. “I’d hoped to have everything cleaned up before you got here, but time got away from me.”

She gave a small shrug, then pointed at the oven. “But at least dinner is cooking, and that part I know will be all right. If you can bear with me, I promise it will get better.”

A small cry came from the other room. Leah rubbed her head. “I’d hoped they would sleep a little longer, so I could get things cleaned up.”

Shane felt guilty for having judged her. Now that he was really looking at her, he could see the signs of an exhausted mother trying to do her best.

“I’ve already gathered that you don’t like accepting help, but please, tell me something I can do to make it easier for you until your sisters get here.”

Ryan walked in, wearing a shirt and nothing else, carrying a diaper. “I all wet,” he said.

“Let me help you, buddy. Can you show me where your mom keeps your diapers?”

Leah looked like she was going to argue, but Shane shook his head. “I’ve changed a diaper or two in my lifetime. I’ve got this. You finish doing what you need to get dinner ready. I’ll keep the boys occupied.”

He could see her hesitation, but then Ryan pointed at his cowboy hat. “I wear hat?”

Her resigned sigh felt less like a victory than he’d wanted, but at least she nodded. “Thanks.”

“Let’s get you in some clean, dry pants, and then we’ll see about fixing you up with my hat.” Shane held his hand out to the little boy, who grinned.

“I be cowboy!”

As he took Ryan’s hand, he could see the tension ease from Leah’s face. It was hard to tell what was going on in her mind, but at least she seemed more relaxed. She turned back to the sink, and the little boy led him out of the room.

They walked down the hall to the bedroom Helen had used when she had gotten sick. The hospital bed had been taken out, and two twin beds neatly made with denim-looking bedspreads dominated the room. Ryan pointed to a dresser that had a stack of diapers and wipes on top of it.

Though it had been a while since Shane had changed a diaper, he managed to get the little boy situated quickly. When they were finished, Ryan pointed to Shane’s hat.

“I wear hat now?”

Shane took off his hat and placed it on the little boy’s head. “Here you go, partner.”

“I ride da horse?”

“I didn’t bring him today.”

His face scrunched up, and with a pang, Shane remembered the fit his brother had thrown. Was he in for the same with this little guy? Ordinarily, Shane would feel confident in his ability to handle it. But considering how nervous Leah had seemed at letting him watch her son, he didn’t want to mess it up.

It was a mistake, getting so emotionally involved with this family. He shouldn’t care so much about Leah, but he knew that telling himself he was just being neighborly was a lie. He was an idiot, wanting to fix a woman who was so obviously broken. Why couldn’t he be attracted to the ones who didn’t seem to need him?

Shane squatted down in front of Ryan. “How about we play horses instead?”

“How do you do that?” Dylan stood in the doorway, the same suspicious look his mother often wore upon his face.

At least he knew the child came by it honestly.

“You’ve never played horses?”

Dylan crossed his arms over his chest. “Maybe. How do you play it?”

Shane got on his hands and knees. “Like this. We all pretend to be horses.”

He looked over at Ryan. “What does a horse say?”

“Neigh!” A wide grin split his face as he made the sound. Ryan also got on his hands and knees and started crawling around the floor. “Neigh,” he said again.

Shane looked over at Dylan. “Are you going to join us?”

“What if I want to ride the horse?”

If it had just been Ryan, Shane would have gladly agreed. But with the way he’d seen the boys fight before, he wasn’t sure he wanted to open that can of worms. And yet, the way Ryan looked at him, he didn’t have the heart to say no.

“You and your brother have to take turns.” He sat up and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I’m going to set the alarm for five minutes. You can ride on my back until it rings. Then it’s Ryan’s turn.”

“Can I wear your hat, like a real cowboy?”

He looked over at Ryan, who was still wearing his hat. “I already said Ryan could wear it. So you’ll have to ask him.”

Dylan reached for the hat, but Shane put his hand out. “You can’t just take it. You have to ask.”

“Can I have a turn please?”

Ryan smiled and took off the hat. “I be horse. You be cowboy.”

And just like that, Dylan put the cowboy hat on his head, then climbed on Shane’s back. They pranced around the room like horses, and Dylan was surprisingly gentle. Maybe what he had experienced before had just been a bad day. The way the boys played and cooperated with him, it brought back pangs of regret at how things had ended between him and Gina. Helen had always told him that he could meet someone else and have children with her, but the options for meeting young, marriageable women in Columbine Springs were next to zero. He’d been lucky to have found Gina.

He liked to think he would have made a great father.

But as much as these boys reminded him of that dream, this time he wouldn’t get attached. He wasn’t going to let himself fall in love with a couple of kids that couldn’t be his. And he certainly wasn’t going to let whatever misguided feelings he had for their mother make himself want something he could never have.

* * *

Watching Shane play with her sons brought tears to Leah’s eyes. She couldn’t remember ever seeing Jason do that with them. Maybe Dylan, when he was small. But so much of their trouble began when she was pregnant with Ryan that the boy had never really bonded with his father. She liked how Shane got on the ground with them and played.

A sound behind her made Leah turn.

“He’s good with them, isn’t he?” Nicole asked. “There’s nothing more heartwarming than seeing a man interact with children like this.”

Leah smiled at her sister. “Yes. But don’t go planning any weddings. I know how that mind of yours works.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it. That was the old Nicole. Until recently, I believed in happily ever after, and I thought I was doing everyone a favor by shipping them. But now I have to wonder, who is it possible for? None of us seem to have figured it out, and I found out that another one of my friends is getting divorced. I don’t think forever means what any of us think it means.”

Leah put her arm around Nicole and gave her a quick hug. Out of the three sisters, Nicole had always been the optimist. But that optimism had been replaced by a deep cynicism that made Leah want to cry. At least Erin had enough optimism for them all. How her sister managed to find happiness after so much heartbreak, Leah didn’t know. But at least they all had each other. One of the therapists had asked Leah about her resiliency, and Leah had told her quite honestly that she wouldn’t have been able to make it without her sisters. She only hoped that she was doing the same for them.

“Thanks,” Nicole said. “I don’t mean to be such a downer, but Fernando called again today. It drives me crazy that he keeps thinking he needs to check on me and make sure I’m okay. He’s not the one who ran off with my fiancé on my wedding day. I wish he would leave me alone instead of constantly calling and trying to make it up to me.”

This was one subject Leah knew better than to disagree with her sister on. Fernando Montoya’s sister, Adriana, had been Nicole’s best friend. At least until Adriana had run off with Nicole’s fiancé, Brandon, leaving Nicole at the altar. Unfortunately, Adriana and Brandon were killed in a car accident before Nicole could confront them. Apparently, Fernando had known about the affair and felt guilty he hadn’t done more to stop it. With Adriana and Brandon gone, Fernando liked to check in with Nicole regularly to make sure she was doing okay.

Maybe they all were a bunch of curmudgeons who couldn’t accept help from anyone else. Though Leah thought Fernando’s concern was sweet, she could also understand why her sister wanted him to leave her alone.

They’d all been hurt too much by the people who were supposed to be there for them. It was too exhausting to keep believing in anyone outside their circle.

“I’m sorry he’s still bothering you. It’s probably his way of dealing with his grief. It just stinks that he has to keep dragging you through it.” She hoped her words sounded helpful and not condescending. After all, it wasn’t like she was an expert on human behavior. Otherwise, her life wouldn’t be in shambles.

Nicole squeezed her back. “It’s not your fault. I should be more firm in telling him to go away. But I don’t have the heart to, not when I know he’s also grieving.”

Her sister might have lost her optimism, but she hadn’t lost her heart. And if there was anything that gave Leah hope that things would work out all right for them, it was that all three of them remained steadfast in their belief in doing the right thing. So, what was the right thing when it came to the man who was interacting with her boys in a way they so desperately needed?

Leah entered the room, swallowing her pain as she firmly told herself that she could enjoy the gift of this moment.

“What are you guys doing?”

A wide grin filled Ryan’s face. “We play horse.”

Shane started to sit up, but Dylan grabbed his neck. “The phone didn’t ring yet. It’s still my turn.”

Reaching around and patting Dylan on the leg, Shane said, “He has a point. I told the boys we could play horse, and I set a timer to let them know when their turn was over. You don’t mind waiting until we finish, do you?”

She often used that tactic with them, giving them clear boundaries with which to set their expectations. It was nice to see that Shane automatically did the same. The only other person to do it was Nicole, and she had taught preschool for a living.

“Not at all. I’ve got to finish the garlic bread, and Erin isn’t back yet. You guys finish your game, then you can join us in the kitchen.”

She barely got the assent from Shane because the three of them had already jumped back into their game.

As she returned to the kitchen, Nicole linked arms with her. “I know we’ve all sworn off men, but it’s nice to see a man who will play with the children for a change. Half of the moms in my classes complained that the dads weren’t very active with their kids.”

“Yes, but just because he’ll entertain a couple of boys for a few minutes doesn’t mean that’s how he’ll be as a father.”

Nicole sighed. “True. It’s amazing how people change when you get to know them. I’m sure when you and Jason first got together, you would have never imagined how things would end up.”

No, she hadn’t. Nicole had been the one to get a call from a concerned neighbor the first time Jason had been passed out, high on drugs, and the boys were screaming. Leah had been at work, and, as a salesperson in a busy store, hadn’t been allowed personal calls. Sometimes Leah wondered if things would have turned out differently had the neighbor not been able to reach Nicole and called the police instead. Would Jason have gotten help rather than fighting with Leah about it? Or would he have charmed them with lies and false promises the way he had everyone else?

It didn’t matter. Jason was dead. And Leah was left to pick up all the pieces of all the broken things he’d left behind. Her sons would heal, and, even though it was nice to see them enjoying a man’s company, their lives would not hinge upon him being there.

The two sisters finished preparing the meal. A few minutes later, Shane and the boys came in, laughing about horses.

Erin had texted to let them know she was going to be late and to go ahead and eat without her, so Leah started serving the meal, enjoying the camaraderie everyone seemed to share. Though earlier in the week it had annoyed her to be subject to Shane’s easy grins and charming demeanor, it didn’t bother her so much this evening. Maybe it was because he seemed just as focused on making her sons smile as he was on her.

After dinner, Nicole volunteered to clear the table so Leah and Shane could sit in the living room with the boys.

“Let’s play horse again,” Dylan said, tugging at Shane’s hand.

“Not now,” he said. “It’s time for grown-up talk. Your mommy has some papers to go over with me, so we need to do our business, and if you’re good, when we’re done, we can find a game that everyone can play.”

Dylan didn’t argue, then he ran over to the train table where his brother was already playing.

“I would have killed to have a train set like that what I was a kid,” Shane said.

Leah couldn’t help smiling at the longing look he gave the boys. “We started the collection as soon as I knew I was having a boy. It’s expensive to buy the trains all at once, but if you buy them bit by bit and look for them at resale stores, you can often find pieces at reasonable prices. The train tables were all too expensive, so I built one based on plans I found online.”

One thing she had learned in her marriage was that she was far more capable than she gave herself credit for.

“Your sister mentioned you were good with tools and things,” he said, looking impressed. “How did that happen?”

“When my husband and I bought our first house, we both fell in love with an old Victorian that needed a lot of work. We didn’t have much money, so we learned to do most of the work ourselves. Once you remodel a house, everything else is easy.”

It was good to remember that her past with Jason wasn’t all bad. She didn’t want the bitterness to eat her up, and even though her sons were young, she wanted them to have happy stories about their father. Before his drug addiction had taken control of his life, he’d been a good person.

But that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to be guarded in her interactions with men in the future. Shane might be charming, and he might be good with her boys. But she wasn’t going to let the charming smile he kept flashing at her distract her from what was truly important in her life.

Shane handed her a stack of papers. As she read through the contract, she already knew, without having to discuss it with her sisters, they would have to reject the offer. Most people would jump at the idea of taking money for nothing. But they weren’t most people. They needed to make a living somehow, and even though Erin was excited about going to work again, it wasn’t fair for Erin to have to support the whole household. Unfortunately, the amount Shane was giving them for the lease wouldn’t be enough for them to survive on.

“What do you think?” Shane asked, an earnest look on his face. It seemed cruel to tell him no when he acted like he was doing them a favor.

“I’ll have to talk to my sisters. It all sounds very reasonable though.”

It did sound reasonable. The number was higher than what he’d paid Helen. But, sometimes, reasonable wasn’t enough. Not when you needed so much.

Leah turned to watch the boys play with the trains. At least she hadn’t had to sell those precious keepsakes. She’d done her best to keep the boys’ belongings since they’d lost so much already. Their house, the playhouse and swing set she and Jason had built them, even their college fund. How Jason had managed to drain it for drugs without her finding out, she didn’t know. She supposed it didn’t matter. The money was gone.

“I can’t believe you made that,” Shane said. “While I know my way around a set of tools, I don’t think I could come up with anything so detailed. It looks like you put a lot of effort into it.”

“You’d be surprised at what a person can do when they put their mind to something. I know you’re worried about us making it on our own. I’ll admit we have much to learn. But each night, after we put the boys to bed, my sisters and I read the ranching books from Helen’s library. We discuss what we learn and how it might apply to our ranch. That’s how I learned to do so much work on my old house.”

Looking around the room, Leah couldn’t help but smile. “I’ve already done a number of much-needed repairs here. The back porch was falling down, and unsafe for the boys. Many of the windows were either sealed shut or leaked so badly that they wasted precious energy. I painted the room, refinished the floor, and I’m slowly working on updating the plumbing. And, of course, I’ve given the place a good scrubbing.”

Shane nodded slowly. “Helen let things go over the past year. I did my best to help her, and a bunch of us from church put a new roof on the place a few months ago. But I know there was still a lot of work to be done.”

He sounded so apologetic, like it was his responsibility to fix up the ranch. Odd, since Helen wasn’t even his relative. Clearly, he took the idea of being a neighbor a little too seriously. Sure, it was nice to know that the old woman hadn’t been alone and helpless in her later years. But Leah and her sisters were not helpless old women.

“We appreciate everything you’ve done, but now you know we can take care of ourselves. You probably think you’re saving us, with your white horse and all, but we don’t need saving.”

She had to giggle at her own words because his horse literally was white. If she’d made up a stereotypical cowboy hero, he would look a lot like Shane.

Shane chuckled. “Actually, Squirt is a gray.” Then a more serious expression crossed his face. “And I’m doing nothing of the sort. I’m just being neighborly.”

Neighborly. She’d admit that, in many ways, he had been helpful. But she didn’t want to rely on him too much. At some point, he’d have his own life to live, his own children to take care of. She’d learned that the only person you could count on was yourself. And her sisters, of course, but that was because they’d spent so much of their lives with only each other to count on. So many people had come and gone, women the Colonel would gleefully announce as being their newest mother, most of whom never stuck around for very long. Not that Leah blamed them. As soon as she turned eighteen, she took the money she’d been saving from her after-school job and rented an apartment, taking her younger sisters with her so they would finally be out from under his thumb.

Why he let them, she didn’t know. Probably because at the time his latest love was barely older than Leah. Though he’d always claimed he would send money to help with their support, most of the time those checks never materialized, and the sisters quickly learned how to take care of themselves. No one had ever saved them, at least not until Helen’s surprise bequest. She’d given them enough to do what they had to, and they wouldn’t be asking for more. Too many people had made too many promises to help, then failed to come through.

Leah knew what she had to do to take care of her family. It was what she had always done, and no matter how many charming offers came under the guise of being neighborly, she wasn’t about to let her guard down.

Ryan came over and climbed into Shane’s lap. He held out his favorite locomotive. “You pway wif me?”

His father certainly never had. He’d been too wrapped up in his own world to pay much attention to the little boy. Watching Shane take the train from her son was almost too much for Leah’s heart to bear. She and her sisters had all agreed that they would be family enough for her children. And yet when Shane made a little choo-choo noise and Ryan giggled, it made Leah wonder if maybe she had been too hasty in saying she didn’t need a man.

Dylan came over, holding another engine. “Are you done with your grown-up talk?”

Her heart melted at seeing the maturity in her son. They’d been working on boundaries, and to see her son respecting them made her think she was doing something right. Parenting was hard work, and though she knew her sisters didn’t mind helping, sometimes she felt like a burden when the boys were being difficult. Getting Dylan under control meant she wouldn’t have to take advantage of her sisters so much.

“We are. Do you want to show me what’s happening in Happy Town?”

She took her son’s hand and was pleased to see that Shane and Ryan followed. But just as quickly she had that thought, she wondered if she was making a mistake in letting this man she barely knew get too close to her boys.

As Dylan explained the setup, she stole a glance at Shane. He seemed like a solid, stable guy. But so had Jason. He’d even helped pay her sisters’ college tuitions. Leah couldn’t have predicted that the man she married would have broken his leg in a skiing accident, needing several surgeries and become addicted to pain pills, which later led to him becoming reliant on harder drugs.

“Mom! You’re supposed to put the refrigerator car at the back of the line. We have a delivery to make to the other side of Happy Town.”

She smiled at Dylan. “I’m so sorry. You’re absolutely right. The people of Happy Town need their refrigerated goods.”

“Happy Town?” Shane asked. “Why did you name it that?”

Dylan didn’t look up from his enterprise. “Because sometimes bad things happen, and they’re sad. But in Happy Town, it’s okay to be happy because it’s a safe place.”

The way Shane looked at her made her feel funny inside. Leah looked away and saw Erin coming in the front door.

“Hello, everyone,” Erin said, sounding cheerful as usual. “Sorry I’m late, but my interview went better than expected, and they wanted me to sort out a payroll issue so they can pay their men on time tomorrow. I can’t believe what a big operation the Double R Ranch is. It makes our plans look puny. But what a great way to learn the business from the inside.”

Shane stepped forward. “They don’t run cattle the way they used to because Ricky has converted it to a holiday ranch to give city folks the cowboy experience. But you should still get some great ideas.”

Why did he have to have an opinion on Erin’s new job? It was like he had a personal stake in their success, which was ridiculous. The only people responsible for their family was them.

Unfortunately, Erin’s cheerful expression didn’t help Leah’s cause. “Definitely. The guy must be at least eighty, but he can run circles around me. I’m excited to be working with him.”

Okay, clearly Leah needed to dial back her defensiveness. Why couldn’t she interact with Shane in the same easy way her sister did? And why did Shane keep looking at Leah? With every conversation they had, Shane always paid more attention to Leah than anyone else. It was unnerving, the way he seemed like he was always trying to figure her out. Why was he so interested in her?

Worse, why did the way he look at her send butterflies to her stomach? She absolutely could not—would not—let those stupid emotions influence her decisions ever again.

And yet, as Ryan ran back to Shane, holding trains in each hand, something deep inside her wished things could be different. She wished she were capable of trusting a man. And that she did have someone to share her life with. Though most of the time talking about things with her sisters was enough, she would be lying if she said she didn’t miss curling up next to someone at night and being held as she talked about her dreams. But that fantasy had turned into a nightmare, and not even her deepest longing could make her willing to take that risk again.

Still, when Shane wrapped his arms around the little boy, part of Leah wished it was her.

She needed to spend as little time around Shane as possible. Clearly, there was something in his cologne messing with her head.