Kitabı oku: «Memoirs of Major Alexander Ramkins (1718)», sayfa 5

It was a tedious Journey to go into Scotland by Land, otherwise I was very much disposed to see my own Country once more, and apprehending besides, there might be some Danger upon account of being engaged in the French Service during this late War. I laid these Thoughts aside, and contented my self with making a small Tour Twenty or Thirty Miles distance from London, in which Progrination I saw Windsor, Greenwich, Hampton-Court, and some other Places of Note. But in one of these Jaunts, I had like to have paid very dear for my Curiosity. The Neighbourhood of London is much infested with Highwaymen, and if a Gentleman rides not with Pistols, 'tis very probable he will be attack'd. Unacquainted with these Customs, the Day I went to Windsor, I had in Company with me an Irish Gentleman; we made use of nothing but common Hacks, nor had any other Arms but our Swords; about the middle of Honslow Heath we met two Gentlemen well mounted, who pass'd by us unsuspected, but turning suddenly upon us again, with each of 'em a small Pistol cock'd, they very civilly demanded our Money. Gentlemen, said I, I am a Stranger; no Gentlemen said they, come quickly deliver what you have, we are in a publick Road, and can't stand arguing; but finding us a little Dilatory, they whip'd the Bridles from our Horfes, cut our Garths, and so dismounted us; and so I and my Companion were very dexterously strip'd of what they found in our Pockets, which was all I had about me, but my Friend reserv'd two or three Guineas in his Fob. When they had finish'd their Business, they gallop'd different ways cross the Heath, and left us like a couple of Asses, to drive our Horses to the next Town, and carry the Saddles under our Arms; but by the Invention of our Garters, and some other such like Tackle, we halter'd our Steeds till we cou'd refit our selves better. What we lost was but a Trifle, and 'twas done in so small a space of Time, that appear'd like a Dream or passing Thought. It was happy either for us or them, that this happen'd in the Morning when our Heads were cool, for had they attack'd us when warm'd up with good Liquor, I believe I should have had little regard to those Pop-guns they threatened us with. When we came to the next Town, and gave the People an account of our Disaster; the Landlord of the Inn ask'd us, if we had ever been upon that Road before, and we inform'd him this was the first time, then said I have Authority to enroll you as Freemen upon the small Fee of each a Bottle of Wine, and this I take to be no Imposition, because I am plac'd here in a convenient Part of the Country to advance a small sum to such as are robb'd of all they have, and cannot pursue their Journey; so Gentlemen, if that be your Condition, I have a couple of Guineas ready for you, which I will lend upon Honour, but in Case it be not a clean Robbery, what you have conceal'd from the Diligent Highwaymen is the Landlord's Fee as far as each a Bottle of Wine. This Merry Landlord I thought was very conveniently posted to divert People after their Misfortunes, we never went about to examine him, whether his Demand was customary, or only a Piece of shire Wit, and an extemporary Instance of his prolifick Genius, but sat down, and made our selves most immoderately drunk. The Landlord discanted very copiously upon the ancient and modern Practise of Robbing upon the Road, and seem'd very much inclin'd to lessen the Crime. Formerly, said he, no Body robb'd upon the Road but base scoundrel Fellows; but now 'tis become a Gentleman-like Employment, and young Brothers of very good Families are not asham'd to spend their time that way; besides the Practise is very much refin'd as to the manner, there's no Fighting or Hectoring during the Performance, but these Gentlemen approach you decently and submissive, with their Hat in their Hand to know your Pleasure, and what you can well afford to support them in that Dignity they live in: 'Tis true, says he, they often for Form sake have a Pistol in their Hand, which is part of their riding Furniture; but that is only in the Nature of a Petition, to let you know they are Orphans of Providence just fallen under your Protection. In a Word, demanding Money upon the Road, is now so agreeably perform'd, that 'tis much the same with asking an Alms. The poor Beggar wou'd rob you if he durst, and the Gentleman Beggar will not rob you if you will but give a decent Alms suitable to his Quality. I thought my time so well spent to hear this Landlord plead in favour of Padding, that I told my Companion I had often known the time that I wou'd have willingly have parted with more Money than I was strip'd of upon the Heath, to have some Melancholly Thoughts driven away by such a merry Companion.

The Time drawing near that I prescribed to my self to remain in England, we were now advis'd to return by the short Sea, which we perform'd without any Let or remarkable Accident. I have observ'd towards the beginning of these Memoirs, that the War begun in 1688, was undertaken in Defence of Cardinal Fastenberg to the Electorate of Cologn; the next War was for the Mornarchy of Spain, but the Restoration of King James was always a material Article, and a very useful Circumstance of the War. I need not acquaint the Reader how France was reduced in this last bloody War, her best Troops ruin'd, incapable to win a Battle, every Campaign carry'd two or three of their best Towns, the Nation dispirited, and Credit sunk, and nothing but a dismal Scene of Poverty and Misery: And yet in the midst of all this Misery, (as the Spanish Beggars are said to strut about in their Cloak and Bilboes at their Side) so this Gasping Monarch had the Assurance not only to talk of making a Descent, but actually equipp'd a small nimble Fleet with a Body of Men, and persuaded the Pretender to go upon the foolish Errand, as if he you'd have any prospect of Conquering the Three Kingdoms, who was in danger every Moment of having his Capital Sack'd and himself turn'd out of his Throne. Cou'd there be a more Romantick Undertaking, or more unintelligible in all its Circumstances, than the Pretender's Descent upon Scotland? The deluded Youth was carry'd to the Coast of Scotland, but upon what Design, is a Secret to this Day. He was made to believe at his departure from Dunkirk, that Scotland was dissatisfy'd to a Man upon account of the Union, and that it wou'd be an easie matter to Conquer England by putting himself at the Head of a Scotch Army; but when he desired to be landed to put the Project in Execution, the French General told him, he had Orders from his great Master, that there should be no Landing. Now whether this was part of the old Game, and only in Order to make a Diversion, or to surprize Edinburgh Castle, where most of the Specie of Scotland was said to be lodg'd at that time, is various alledg'd by Men of Speculation. That there was no appearance of succeeding in the main, is pretty plain from many Circumstances. England with their Allies at that Time were in a Capacity to spare 50000 Men, against which a few poor scrambling Highland Foot, wou'd but have made a very bad Resistance. I am not willing to think France would send Princes a Pilfering, or that the Pretender was design'd to steal the Money out of Edinburgh Castle, a Stratagem much more decently committed to some Partisan, or three or four Dunkirk Privateers. So I think it more suitable to the Prudence, and for the Honour of the French Court, to mention this design'd Descent only as a Diversion to amuse and employ the British Troops at Home, that they might not annoy the Enemy in Flanders. But how this Affair will be reconcil'd to that Affection and Friendship Lewis XIV. seem'd to have at that time for the Pretender, I am at a loss, with the rest of Mankind, to account for, since it was exposing him to the greatest of hazards for a Trifle, and throwing up the Cause at once, had he fallen into the Hands of his Enemies, and 'tis not the least Miracle of his Life that he escap'd them. I was invited to have gone abroad with the Pretender upon this Expedition, being than Free, but the Project appear'd to me so full of Inconsistencies, I have frequently since enlarg'd upon my own Politicks and Foresight in that Affair.

Thus much I must say for the Jacobite Party, never were Men more baffled and rallied oftner upon Projects or Hopes, but the unwholesome Diet never turn into the Substance, but infects the Body with peccant Humours, which now and then are discharg'd by Phlegbotomy, and then they turn to a Gangreen by Amputation. Jacobitism (I speak of it in relation to the strong Hopes they have of succeeding by a French Power) is an uncurable Distemper. I have often wonder'd to hear Persons, otherwise of great Penetration and Sense, grow constantly Delirious upon this Topick. The Wagers that have been lost upon that very Prospect wou'd have purchas'd him a little Kingdom. Time has open'd a great many People's Eyes; but there is a set of Men who are enslaved to the French Projects, and so far infatuated, that nothing can cure them. If fooling him with sham Descents, neglecting all Opportunities of assisting, if banishing him, excluding him by solemn Articles, will not satisfy 'em as to this Particular, 'tis my Opinion they wou'd not be convinc'd, if they should see France chaffering for his Head, and finish the Twenty Eight Years old Politicks with 100000l. being what is set upon it. There is no extraordinary difference between disposing of another Man's Right, and disposing of his Person. There was a Time when France gloried in the Ostentatious Title of being the Assylum of distress'd Monarchs, and I remember I was once dispos'd to have almost deify'd their Monarch upon that Score; but when I took the Frame of his Politics, and examin'd every Wheel and Spring by which they moved, I rescued my self from the Prejudices I had been nurs'd up in; and though I always pursu'd the same End, yet I was a constant Enemy to their Method, which I was convinc'd were all directed another Way, and that a Restoration upon a French Footing was a Chimerical Project, and that if it had taken Effect by their Arms, England must have had another Doomsday-Book, and have suffer'd once more under an Arbitary Discipline, more dreadful than that of William the Conqueror, from whom England has been struggling to retrieve her self ever since. I had formerly made a Resolution with my self not to hearken to a Love-Intrigue, but upon a Prospect of putting an end to such Amusements. The long time I had been out of the Army, gave me several Opportunities to make Enquiry after a Person who was capable of making me happy in that Respect. I took a singular Care when any Thing was offer'd that way, to consult my Reason more than my Passions, and had fix'd before my Eyes, the per-plex'd State I liv'd in those Weeks I held a Correspondence with the Spanish Lady. 'Tis a dangerous practice when a Person shuts his Eyes among Precipices, and neglects Consultation where the Choice is hazardous. There liv'd in Paris a Collonel's Widow, neither very young, nor very handsome. The intimacy I had with her Husband, who was kill'd in Italy, brought me first acquainted with her. Her discreet Carriage in a great variety of intricate Circumstances had often Charm'd me. There was no Difficulty in a marriage State, but she had struggled with it; a morose Husband, the Death of an only Child, the Gripes of Poverty when her Consort was in the Army and lavish'd away his Income, were great Tryals in which she always Triumph'd, and wore a stoical Constancy without any Reservedness. She had a large Pension allow'd her for Life, upon account of her Husband's Merits, who had done great Service during the Wars. Under these Circumstances I attack'd, rather like a Judicious than a Passionate Lover. The Method I took with her, was quite different to what I observ'd in pursuing my Spanish Mistress. There was no Balls, Treats, nor Serenading, we both knew the World too well, either She to expect, or I to offer her such Entertainments. In a Word, our whole Discourse when I visited ran upon Oeconemy and Morals. It was not long before she understood my Meaning, and that my repeated Visits tended towards Marriage. She alledg'd several Things to divert me from it; that she was tired with being an Officer's Wife, which oblig'd either to a rambling Method of Living, or to labour under great Inconveniences, and that I, perhaps, might not make the best of Husbands, that State being a Lottery full of Blanks. I had nothing more pertinent to alledge upon this Occasion, than to assure her, that during my Absence in the Army she should never be unprovided with what would make her easie, and for being a good Husband, I gave her all the Assurances that such a Matter was capable of, and at the same time made her the Compliment, that in case any misunderstanding should ever happen between us, her approv'd Conduct and Discretion would certainly declare me Guilty. In conclusion, I put on the Trummels, and never question'd but I had made the most prudential Choice that any Person could do; but there is something in Woman-kind which can never be found out by Study or Reflection. 'Tis only Experience that can School a Husband, and can give him a true Idea of that mysterious Creature; for in less than Twelve Months my Thousand Pounds which I had so carefully kept unbroke at Amsterdam was all dispos'd of, my Soldiers Pay being my only Subsistance for myself and Family, my Wife reserving her own Income for Pin-mony; my Credit very low, my Days very irksome upon many accounts, and I who had hitherto appear'd with Assurance in Company, because of my Money-merit, was now Neglected; for every Tradesman began to smell out my Poverty. I am of Opinion it would do Posterity no kindness, if I shou'd discover how I came to be ruin'd by a Prudent Wife, for no Body wou'd Credit me. If I should advise 'em to trust no Woman living, so as to give her full Scope upon an Opinion of her Conduct. I took my self to be as wise, upon this Head, as any Man living. It had been my Study above twenty Years. There is a secret Devil in every Woman, which is often Conjur'd down by a Husband's Temper; and though many Men may pass for bad Husbands by their Morose Carriage, 'tis less prejudicial, than that Indulgence which few Women have Discretion to make use of. My Wife's first Husband was represented as not very kind to her, whereas his less obliging Temper was the Effect of his Judgment, and a touch of Skill he had in managing a Woman, whom Caresses wou'd have exalted into Impertinence, &c.

I would not be understood so upon this Subject, as if we lived unhappily as to our Affections; no, we regarded each other as two inseparable Companions, not only whose Interest it was not to be at variance, but we really did affectionately love each other. I cou'd not so much blame her as my self for if Children, Servants, &c. make a loose from their Duty, who are chiefly to be blam'd, but such gentle and restraining Methods did not curb 'em, but let 'em feel they had Reins in their Hands. Thus hamper'd in Wedlock, I had nothing to give me ease but that three parts of Mankind were in the same, if not in a much worse Condition. However, to make our Circumstances tollerable for the future, I perswaded my Consort to abridge her self of some superfluous Charge which we cou'd not well bear any longer. First we disposed of our Coach, and then our Acquaintance was reform'd of Course; by Degrees a multitude of modish Visitors dwindled away into two or three formal Matrons, which at last ended in a Decent Apartment in a Monastery, where she spent her Time agreeably enough when I was in the Camp. Hitherto the main matter which pall'd all my Joys, was the impossibility of a Restoration, which now was much lessen'd by the concurrence of Domestick Evils, and the Cares which attend a married State. Yet when I seriously reflected upon the Conduct of France in regard of King James and the Pretender, I have often observ'd my self to sweat and fret my self into a violent Fever with the very Thoughts of it; but I never was so sensibly touch'd upon this Head as after the Battle of Malplacket. which was follow'd with the Surrender of several Towns, so that there was nothing but the poor Barrier of Landrecy left to save the Capital, and by Consequence, the Kingdom of France. The French King having now play'd away all his Leading Cards, was now put to his Trumps. He attempts the Treacherous and Needy Ministers with long Bags of Louisdo'rs, which were all ineffectual when his Arms cou'd do no more.

'Tis fresh in every true Britains Memory, what strange Methods were taken to bring about the Peace, which quickly after ensued. I shall only mention as much of that Affair as is requisite to make it manifest, That France had no consideration for the Pretender's Interest during that Treaty. The War was begun upon account of the Spanish Monarchy; France was reduc'd to the last extremity, and could hold out no longer, now the Consequence shou'd have been for France to have surrender'd up King Philip's Title; but on the contrary it was secur'd to him, and by what any one can conjecture on the Equivalent, that the Pretender should be banish'd France, and herafter neither directly nor indirectly be assisted by Force: Nay, so eagerly was France bent upon this Project of securing Spain, France, and neglecting the Pretender, that 'tis well known he refus'd to be concern'd with those in England who were willing to restore the Pretender. I shall not pretend to dive into the late Queen's Secrets, and how she was dispos'd that way. 'Tis well known she was not over real for the Hanoverian Succession, and that the Pretender's Interest was the only one in competition with it. But where was the French Zeal for the Pretender, when he had the Generalissimo and his Arms, the Secretary, the Treasurer, &c. all at his Devotion, and if the Pretender was not actually restor'd at that Juncture, the Remora cou'd be no where but on the French Side, who had a longer reach in their Politicks than the Restoration of the Pretender. They saw clearly bringing that about wou'd create a Civil War in England, and be an occasion of renewing in Germany; now their Business was a sudden Peace, and a quiet Possession of Spain. And this is the real Spirit of Politics that govern'd the French at the Peace of Utrecht.

This kind of Management so disconcerted all the Pretenders Party who then govern'd the Queen, that they flew all in Pieces, astonish'd not to find the French insist upon the Pretender's Right, as they had laid the Design. They inform against one another, and by their unseasonable and discontinued Animosities threw the Queen into an Agony of Fear, which afterwards usher'd in the Agony of Death. In the mean Time France smil'd at the disorder, and hugg'd themselves in the noble Project of having lost every Battle in that Bloody War, and yet obtain'd what they fought for, as they had always been Victorious, whilst the poor Pretender was so little consider'd by France, that tho' the Ministry was ready to assert his Title, yet France wav'd it and subscrib'd to his Banishment, least that Affair should ruin the Main Project.

But what I am in the next place going to observe, will make clear that France was not only unwilling to be active in assisting the Pretender, but that they were scrupulous upon the Point, and made it their Business to disswade him from any such Attempt. I remember I was my self in Lorain, when the News of the Queen's Decease was brought the Pretender by a Servant of L.P. He was no Stranger to the Interest he had just before with the Ministry, who still were most of 'em in Power. A Ship lay ready for him to waft him over, but he was arrested in his Journey by the French King's Orders, and threatened by M.T. with the Bastile, if he did not return forthwith to Lorain, otherwise considering the After-acts of the Gentlemen then in Play, he would very probably been at St. James's several Days before King George left his Palace at Hanover. This was so shocking a Treatment from the grand Protector of distress'd Monarchs, that the Queen Mother then at Chalonois said this was a Key to all the mask Politics which had been acting 27 Years, and the very Thought of it threw her into such a Consternation, that she has never since recover'd it. I know 'tis pretended that Lewis XIV was now grown more scrupulous than formerly; he had been in sticking to the Letter of Treaties. I shall not dispute whether passing through the Country without assisting the Pretender, cou'd be wrested by any Logick to be acting in his Favour. But if Lewis XIV, was scrupulous, he ought to have been so when he grew nearer his End; for 'tis pretended by those who are willing to represent him as always a Friend to King James, that in despute of the Articles of Utrecht, he came into the Measures of the Duke of Ormond, Lord Bolinbroke, the Earl of Mar, &c. and had not Death in the mean time taken him off, wou'd have furnish'd 'em with all Things necessary to have made a Head against King George. This, I say, is confidently reported by Lewis XIV's Admirers. But then they will have the inconsistancy to account for, why he shou'd not scruple to raise an Army to succour the Pretender, who a little before scrupled to let him pass'd with a Couple of Servants, through his Country. For my own Part I am enclin'd to believe he never was so much his Friend, but died as he cou'd, a juggler, and that if he sign'd any thing in form of the late Insurrection 'twas in one of his delirious Fits which were not infrequent in his latter Years. If the Regent be a just Interpreter of his Actions.

And to come home to the present Time, has not France still the same regardless Dispositions towards the Pretender? Are they not ready to enter into any Engagement whatever to stand by the Articles of Utrecht to the greatest nicety? I know it has been aprised about, that France was in the Design against King George; but as the Regent reply'd very pertinently to the Earl of Stairs's Memorial. There needs no more convincing Proof that France has not been meddling, than to understand that both in Scotland and England, the Rebels have been destitute both of Arms and Money? The Custom-house Officers of Great-Britain, have no Authority to search French Ships as they go out of their own Ports, and had it not been an easy Matter to have sent what Arms they pleas'd into Scotland? What occasion was their for the Pretender to have sculk'd so long upon the Shoar, and stolen privately out of one of their Havens, if the Regent had encourag'd him.

It was no Secret to me and several others above Twenty Eight Years ago, that France was never sincere in this Affair; but as their Projects came nearer to a Conclusion, they took less care to conceal the Secret. Till they had a Prospect of settling the Spanish Monarchy in the House of Bourbon, they were loud and high in their Demands concerning King James; but the Hopes they conceiv'd that way, made 'em clap up a Peace at Reswick, and lay King James's Interest to Sleep. When the Spanish Project was ripe, and the Wealth of the Indies ready to drop into their Lap, and that they were actually to be put into Possession of it, the Allies were amused with two Partition Treaties, and the Pretender sacrific'd to the same Politicks at the Treaty of Utrecht. Yes he was neglected, despised, banish'd out of France, forc'd out of Lorain, a free State, threaten'd at Avignon, a Sanction never yet violated, and now he and his Adherents are preparing themselves to be thrust into the Jaws of the Turk, unless the Regent out of Pity deliver him up in hope of the 100000l. and finish the Character of succouring distress'd Monarchs, by being the Occasion of losing his Head on Tower-Hill, rather than being Impail'd at Constantinople.

But before I dismiss this Matter, I am to account for several Things, which will argue the Court of St. Germains guilty of the greatest Ingratitude, unless they acknowledge the endless Obligations they lie under to France. Has he not fed a distressed People almost Twenty Years, and that two in a Royal and Princely Manner? Did he not entertain above 15000 Irish Troops who were dismiss'd Ireland by the Treaty of Limerick? Has he not constantly pay'd all the Respect imaginable to the Court of St. Germains? promis'd King James upon his Death-bed, he wou'd never desist? assur'd the Son he wou'd draw his Sword, and it should ne'er be sheath'd till he had fix'd him in his Throne? Has he not made several chargeable Attempts to make good his Promise? Such Panegyricks as these have often Rung in my Ears, when the French were bent upon extolling the Religious Disposition of the Monarch in protecting an unfortunate Prince; and the Expedient was not unserviceable in regard of the generality of the People who easily were blinded with the glaring Object. But let us take this Oeconomy to pieces, and examine every Wheel and Spring; for my part, I can regard this boasted Liberality no otherwise than a very imperfect Restitution. Did not K. James both Ruin himself and Thousands of Families meerly by going into French Measures. I heard the Court of France was oblig'd to feed all the Posterity of that unfortunate misled Multitude, who have been deluded this Twenty Nine Years by their Politicks. 'Tis what I believe what the loosest of their Casuists wou'd not refuse to oblige 'em to upon a fair hearing of the Case. But that the Entertaining the Irish Troops shou'd be mention'd as an Instance of French Charity, is a very Remarkable piece of Assurance. The Swiss and other States are consider'd with large annual Pensions for the Privilege of Listing Men, besides double Pay during the Time of their Service; but the Irish and all the rest of King James's Subjects, poor Fools, must think themselves happy to bear the brunt of every Siege and Engagement, for half Pay, be regarded as Beggars, living upon Charity, be reform'd and abandon'd when they are no further useful. The Honour purchas'd by these distress'd People at Cremina, Luzara, Spireback, Almaza, Friburg, &c. have merrited better Articles, and the Blood they have lost is a large disbursement for the Expences at St. Germains. A few French Compliments paid once a Week at St. Germains, is but a poor recompence for a ruin'd People, especially when the Origin and Motive of their Misfortunes are look'd into. And the Gasconades and Politick, Promises made both to the Father and the Son of never sheathing the Sword with the Sham Attempts in their Favour, will be recorded in Antiquity, not as Arguments of his Christianity, but strong Lines of Policy how a Prince is to make use of all Occurrences to promote the welfare of his own People, nothing, being more successful in such junctures, than a Pretence of Religion, and assisting Persons in distress.

Having brought my Remarks to this Period, I design'd to have drop'd my Pen immediately, but considering that a Judicious Reader will expect I should advance something by way of Principle to justify the Reflexions I have made. I must add a Word or two more concerning the unjust, as well as unpolitick Proceedings of those who have been deluded by a Foreign Power to bring Destruction to their own native Country. And in the first place I must deliver my Thoughts as to the Cause in General. The Question of Hereditary, was not so well clear'd at the Revolution, but that many very discerning and well meaning Men might be drawn into a Belief, that lineal and immediate Right was part of the Divine Law, and so not dispensable. This was my Opinion in the Beginning, and it was a Principle which carried me through the Wars this Twenty Nine Years in Favour of King James, even at those Times, when I was fully convinc'd that France had no real Design to re-establish him. But afterwards when I began to look narrowly into the Question of Hereditary Right, and saw that the Notion of Jure Divino was only an assum'd Principle to buoy up the Faction. I by Degrees slacken'd in my Zeal, and having no other Nation of Government, then by submitting to the Supream National Power, where the Law of God was silent, I found this an effectual Means to quiet my Conscience. However I still persisted and follow'd the Pretender's Cause, the Success of the Roman-Catholick Interest provoking me to it: For I imagin'd that Salvo ought to weigh down in Practise, where other Matters relating to Succession were still under Controversy; but when I took under serious Consideration the Practise of our Ancestors, and how in all Ages both Church and State came frequently into Non-Hereditary Measures, where I run over the String of Disappointments King James had met withal by the Politic Management of France. When I reflected what Misery had befallen, and was like to befall these Kings by adhering to the besoted Notion of Hereditary Right, I put the whole Controversy upon the Issue of Religion, and it plainly appear'd to me, that no Roman Catholick was oblig'd to oppose the Revolutionary Measures in Conscience, much less in Policy. I was fully satisfy'd in the first Part of the Enquiry by that unanswerable Piece lately printed, call'd, A Roman Catholick System of Allegiance. As for the latter Part, let the Tory and Roman Catholick Party sum up their Losses since 1688, and it will convince 'em how foolishly they acted. Thus settled in my Principles in regard of Loyalty, I design'd to pay an intire and unlimited Obedience to the present Constitution; as to my Religion, which I own is not conformable to that by Law Established. I will make a discreet Use of that Indulgence the Government is pleas'd to allow; and if Providence thinks fit to make me Suffer upon that Score, no rational Man will blame my Zeal till he does convince me of my Mistake.