Kitabı oku: «Writing: B2+», sayfa 4

4 Formality, efficiency, modesty and clarity

Aims

  understand formality in register and style

  understand efficiency in register and style

  understand modesty in register and style

  understand clarity in register and style

Quiz

Self-evaluation

For each statement below, circle the word which is true for you.

Four principles of academic writing

In Chapter 2 we looked at what the person marking your work wants. One aspect of this is that you need to demonstrate that you understand the conventions of the academic genre.

In this chapter we will be looking at what all academic readers want, i.e. the type of register and style that is expected from all scholars.

We will look at four principles of academic writing: Formality, Efficiency, Modesty, and Clarity, and consider what they mean for the academic writer. For each principle, you will find examples of mistakes students have made, followed by explanations and corrections. Try to work out what the mistakes are and how you could correct them before you read on.

Glossary

genre (genres) N-COUNT A genre is a particular type of literature, painting, music, film, or other art form which people consider as a class because it has special characteristics.

Formality

Before starting university, students are already aware of the need for formal language in essays. The problem is that it can be difficult to know what is formal and what is not. You can try to think about it in this way: words that are used a lot when speaking (e.g. ‘big’, ‘good’, ‘well’, ‘a lot’), or a technique that is used a lot in speeches (e.g. asking the audience questions) are unlikely to be used in formal writing.

Glossary

formality N-UNCOUNT If you talk about the formality of a person’s language or writing style, you mean that they are using extremely formal academic language.

What else can we expect from the internet? The first thing which we expect and hope to have is an improvement of the services in the near future.

The student asks a question here and then answers it. This is a technique used in speeches to involve the audience. In academic writing, the writer does not address the audience. An improvement would be: ‘The future of the internet will be decided by the needs of its customers. One development is therefore likely to be service improvement.’ This takes out the question, the word ‘hope’, which is quite personal, and the need for ‘we’, which refers to internet customers.

Secondly, we need to reduce the internet service access fees. Moreover, there are always technological developments in the pipeline.

This follows on from the previous text about the internet, so we can avoid the ‘we’ by saying ‘Another customer requirement is a reduction in access fees.’ The second sentence contains an idiom, ‘in the pipeline’, which means ‘in the process of being completed, delivered, or produced’. Idioms are very rare in academic writing, and it is better if you don’t use them. The sentence could be improved as follows:

‘Technological advances can also be expected, as companies are always developing their systems in order to stay competitive.’

Analysis of annual financial reports is an art, which involves many complexities. Even when they are looking at the same natural beauty, amateur painters and great masters will have completely different interpretations. Different people might obtain different conclusions when reading the same report.

This student is using an analogy: financial analysis is compared to an art form with many complexities. It is not wrong to use an analogy, as it involves comparison, which is an academic skill. However, analogy and metaphor can be quite poetic in nature, in which case they are not academic. The student is going too far in the second sentence. An improvement would be: ‘The analysis of financial reports can be said to have more in common with art than with science, as it relies on interpretation and not just facts. This is why different analysts may reach different conclusions.’

Then, there is another problem: different parties’ interests often correspond with the financial performance of the company.

‘Then’ is used here to list items (‘First, … Second, … Then, …’). This is often done in presentations, but in writing it sounds too informal. The sentence can be improved as follows: ‘Another problem is that different parties’ interests …’.

In order to find out more information about the statement, the reader can break it down into its different aspects.

Glossary

analogy (analogies) N-COUNT If you make or draw an analogy between two things, you show that they are similar in some way.

metaphor (metaphors) N-VAR A metaphor is an imaginative way of describing something by referring to something else which is the same in a particular way. For example, if you want to say that someone is very shy and frightened of things, you might say that they are a mouse.

Notice how one-word verbs sound more formal than phrasal verbs: ‘In order to investigate further, the reader can analyse the different aspects of the statement.’

Glossary

phrasal verb (phrasal verbs) N-COUNT A phrasal verb is a combination of a verb and an adverb or preposition, for example ‘shut up’ or ‘look after’, which together have a particular meaning.

In companies with alternative working environments there seems to be a lot more respect for the management.

‘A lot’ is so common in speech that it is best avoided in academic writing. It can simply be replaced with ‘much’ in front of an uncountable word (like ‘respect’ in this sentence), or ‘many’ if it is countable (e.g. ‘many people’).

However, every enterprise cannot develop without the support of society and the natural resources of the environment.

There is a grammatical mistake here: you wouldn’t say ‘every X cannot’. One way of correcting this is saying ‘an enterprise cannot …’. This can be made to sound more formal by using ‘no’ instead of ‘not’: ‘… no enterprise can …’.

There are not many recruitment managers who would actually use social networking sites to gather information about potential employees.

In a similar way to the previous example, we can replace ‘not’ to make the sentence more formal: ‘Few recruitment managers would …’. Where ‘not … much’ is used in an essay, it can be replaced with ‘little’.

Firstly, the leader should implement systems which enable the staff to tackle their problems together.

An improvement would be: ‘… enable the staff to solve their problems together’. ‘Tackle’ is often used in the context of sport, and is quite an informal word. There is a good alternative available, so it is better to use that here.

Patients can’t always judge accurately what is expected of them.

Using abbreviated forms of verbs (can’t, shouldn’t, won’t, etc., instead of cannot, should not and will not) is fine in informal writing such as emails, but contractions are not acceptable in academic writing.

Tip

 It is easy to check for contractions when you are proofreading: you can do a software search for the apostrophe (’) and, if it is part of a contraction, you can replace it easily.

Formality is not about writing difficult words and constructions. If you try to over-complicate your language, it may give the impression you are not being respectful of the reader. Instead, when you are explaining something in your text, start off simply, then rephrase parts to make the writing more formal.

Exercise 1

Is the style in this book formal or informal? Find examples to illustrate your answer. Why do you think this style has been chosen?

Efficiency

Efficient writing fulfils its purpose without saying too much. You should use the minimum amount of language that is required, and not repeat yourself. When you were writing shorter essays for exams, you might have been worried about writing enough words in a small amount of time, which may have led to repetition. Avoid this by careful proofreading.

Glossary

efficiency N-UNCOUNT Efficiency is the quality of being able to do a task successfully, without repetition or wasting time or energy.

To compare these two theories, several examples of similar content can be pointed out between these two theories.

There was no need to repeat ‘theories’. An improvement would be: ‘When comparing these two theories, it becomes clear that there are many similarities.’

Tip

 Although you are not expected to know every word, the words that relate to the essay topic will have featured in the materials you read during your research. Make a note of useful vocabulary as you read.

If you look carefully at academic writing, you will notice that many noun phrases are used. Here is an example:

‘In a study ,the effect of weight loss without salt restriction on the reduction of blood pressure in overweight patients was examined.’

Nearly half of the words in that sentence are nouns. Using nouns is efficient: you use less space if you are talking about processes (salt reduction) without describing the action (they have reduced the salt).

Modesty

Exercise 2

Make these sentences more academic by using nouns instead of verbs where possible. Underline the verbs first, then transform some of them into nouns, e.g.:

The country would benefit if corporations increase the amount they produce.

An increase in corporate productivity would benefit the country.

1 The company will have to train their staff better so that they can be more efficient.

2 In this case, there is a difference between cultures so they need to communicate by using varied strategies.

3 If they adopt this strategy, they may reduce the costs.

4 If they create such a unit, they may have better access to marketing information.

In academic writing you need to be respectful of the ideas of others. In your essays it is very unlikely that you would say something like ‘These researchers were completely wrong.’ Instead you might say ‘More recent research has shown that this is not the case.’ You are supposed to look at different angles and say whether you agree or disagree, but you always need to remain modest about your opinion. Look at some examples on the next page:

Trait theory is the best leadership theory.

Glossary

modesty N-UNCOUNT If you write with modesty, you use impersonal and cautious language in your writing.

This statement is too strong: even if the student can explain why this theory is useful in comparison to other theories, another scholar could easily argue that another one is better. The statement is too confident. The student should not use the word ‘best’ and should explain why this theory is useful.

Glossary

cite (cites, citing, cited) VERB If you cite something, you quote it or mention it, especially as an example or proof of what you are saying.

Students are very weak in their basic mathematical knowledge due to over-dependence on calculators.

This is the student’s opinion, but she cannot write this without evidence. She could cite studies that have shown this to be true, or she could adjust her language: ‘Some students’ mathematical knowledge may suffer because of their over-dependence on calculators.’

A way to ensure academic modesty is to use cautious language. This is also called ‘hedging’ language, because ‘to hedge against something’ means to protect yourself from its consequences.

In order to encourage consumers to try their goods for the first time, a number of promotional methods should be applied as follows: (…)

The student says that the company ‘should’ do something, where he should really have made a suggestion (‘could’).

The next step is to conduct a long-term observation among the workers to find out if they show a more creative and conscientious approach in their daily work.

Here, ‘is’ is too strong. The student is saying what he thinks is a good idea, so it really is a suggestion. He could have used ‘may be’ or ‘could be’.

For more information on cautious language, see Chapter 8.

A common mistake that students make is to use cautious language where it is not necessary. They use ‘would’, ‘might’, ‘likely to’, etc. because they have learnt that these verbs are common in academic writing.

Annual financial reports might include information from financial statements and other sources.

Even without knowing much about the subject, we can assume that the purpose of financial reports is to give financial information. The verb ‘might’ needs to be taken out of the sentence.

It would come across as immodest if your essay were to state ‘I did …, I did …, I did …’. Even if you use the ‘we’ form, this would not improve matters much. It is possible to use ‘I’ and ‘we’ in certain circumstances, however.

For more information on when it is appropriate to use ‘I’ and ‘we’, see Chapter 8.

Here though, we will work on the basis that ‘I’ and ‘we’ should be avoided where possible and we will be looking at examples of writing where language is used that is not objective enough.

Glossary

shareholder (shareholders) N-COUNT A shareholder is a person who owns shares in a company.

stakeholder (stakeholders) N-COUNT Stakeholders are people who have an interest in a company’s or organization’s affairs.

creditor (creditors) N-COUNT Your creditors are the people who you owe money to.

As we all know, an enterprise is composed of many different groups, including management (such as the board of directors, the Chief Executive Officer, other executives), shareholders, and other influential stakeholders (including lenders, suppliers, employees, creditors, customers and the community).

This is an interesting one: the student is including the reader by saying ‘we’, so she is making her comment quite personal and suggesting that if readers do not know there may be something wrong with them. We can say the same thing but make it more impersonal: ‘It is commonly known that an enterprise …’

In my opinion, the company should do this, because it would offer direct business benefits.

The student could say ‘If the company did this, they would receive direct business benefits.’ There is normally no need to say ’in my opinion’ as your whole essay is a development of your opinion.

For more information on developing a clear point of view, see Chapter 8.

Non-shareholder stakeholders also play an important role in corporate governance. As I mentioned before, stakeholders include employees, suppliers, local communities and local governments.

Here, ‘I’ can easily be left out, so it is best to do so.