Kitabı oku: «The Price of Honour»
He kissed her with the skill that had slayed her resistance from the start.
Xavier’s tongue traced the seam of Megan’s lips. Teasing her. Tempting her. Coaxing a response from her that she didn’t want to give.
She opened her mouth and let him in. His familiar taste overwhelmed her, and she couldn’t resist moving closer for one final delicious press of his body against hers.
His arms surrounded her, banding her against his muscled length, and his heat seeped into her, melting her resistance, warming her for the first time since she’d left him. She clutched his waist, caressed his strong back. Being with him like this felt so good, so right.
Saying goodbye shouldn’t be this hard.
Dear Reader,
I believe there is at least a trace of competitor in each of us. But most of us aren’t willing to sacrifice our creature comforts in pursuit of our passions. We’ll coast along hoping that one of these days we’ll get a chance to pursue our dreams.
I enjoyed writing Megan Sutherland’s story. She was so deeply entrenched in the path to her goal that it was fun to watch her get jolted off of it by an unexpected pregnancy that jeopardized everything she held dear.
The same can be said for Xavier Alexandre. He knew what he wanted and exactly what he had to do to get it. What he didn’t count on was his temporary mistress surprising him with permanent news that would risk not only his goals but his honor.
I must be slightly twisted because I loved my ringside seat as these two tussled to see who would end up the eventual winner since their dreams, they believed, were mutually exclusive. I hope you enjoy their slow realization that love is the only way to achieve everything they had hoped for and more.
Happy reading!
Emilie Rose
About the Author
Bestselling Desire™ author and RITA® Award finalist EMILIE ROSE lives in her native North Carolina with her four sons and two adopted mutts. Writing is her third (and hopefully her last) career. She’s managed a medical office and run a home day-care, neither of which offers half as much satisfaction as plotting happy endings. Her hobbies include gardening and cooking (especially cheesecake). She’s a rabid country music fan because she can find an entire book in almost any song. She is currently working her way through her own “bucket list,” which includes learning to ride a Harley. Visit her website at www.emilierose.com or e-mail EmilieRoseC@aol. com. Letters can be mailed to PO Box 20145, Raleigh, NC 27619, USA.
The Price
of Honour
Emilie Rose
MILLS & BOON
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To my mom who battled back from the brink of death
this year for me and my boys.
I don’t know what we’d do without her.
Love you, Mom.
And to the man upstairs for giving me more
time with my mom.
One
“The tabloids are at it again.” Megan Sutherland dropped the newspaper on the kitchen table in front of Xavier, and then because she couldn’t resist, she bent and hugged him from behind, reveling in the warmth of his neck against her lips, his subtle custom-blended cologne, the firm pecs beneath her fingertips and the thick dark hair tickling her cheek.
As always, his nearness sent a shimmer of happiness through her. Love swelled in her chest and hunger settled heavily in her womb. One of these days the words she fought so hard to contain were going to burst free, but today she bit her tongue because he wasn’t ready to hear them. Nor was he ready to hear her news.
A sobering thought. She forced herself to back away and head for the coffeepot to get a jump start on the chaotic day she had scheduled.
“Give a guy a few million bucks and a perfume empire and the tabloid reporters get creative. Funny, isn’t it?” she called over her shoulder and waited for the sexy chuckle that never failed to make her knees weak. But the kitchen remained silent as she filled her cup. Eerily silent.
Surprised, she turned. “Did you hear what I said?”
“I heard.” His tight voice and the intent look on his face as he stared at the folded page made her pulse flutter. Then his gaze met hers. The resolve in his green eyes filled her stomach with lead.
“They’re lying. Aren’t they, Xavier?” Her last words, forced through a tightening throat, sounded a bit strident.
“No.”
Dizziness swamped her. Her fingers stung. She looked down to see hot coffee sloshing over the rim of the delicate china and dripping to the floor. She set the cup on the counter, grabbed a towel and bent to mop up the mess, taking a moment to gather her composure. She probably shouldn’t be drinking coffee anyway, but until the doctor confirmed—
No. She knew without a doubt that she carried Xavier’s baby.
She slowly rose on rubbery legs. “But the article says the blonde is your fiancée, that you’re marrying her one year from today.”
“That is correct.”
Megan’s body went numb, paralyzed with shock. It took several seconds before she could wheeze air into her lungs. “What about us?”
“This has nothing to do with our relationship, Megan. My pending marriage has been arranged for years.”
Feeling slowly returned to her limbs as though icicles were splintering through her veins in painful shards. “Years?” she squeaked. “You’ve been engaged for years? And you didn’t tell me?”
“It was irrelevant. Our affair was never intended to be anything other than casual. You knew that.”
Casual. Being crushed beneath a falling horse would hurt less. “I know in the beginning we agreed no strings. But …”
Sometime over the past six months she’d fallen in love with Xavier Alexandre, with his old-fashioned manners, his worldly sophistication and his second-to-none bedroom skills. And now she wanted more than just an affair to remember. She wanted forever. With him. She’d believed he felt the same since he spent every free moment with her.
“There is no ‘but.’ It is my duty to marry Cecille.”
Cecille. Hearing her name from his lips was like the crack of a bullwhip.
“Do you love her?” Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. Dread over his response tensed her abdominal muscles.
“My feelings are not important.”
“They are to me.”
“It is a business transaction. Nothing more.”
A business transaction. How could the most passionate man she’d ever encountered sound so emotionless about something as important, as intimate, as marriage? “Are you sleeping with her?”
“Megan, this need not concern you.”
“Need not concern me! Since you’ve been in my bed almost every night for the past six months, I think I have a right to know if you’re sleeping with someone else. Are you?”
“I have had no other women since I met you. Does that please you, ma petite concourante?”
His little competitor. She used to love it when he called her that. But it didn’t make her smile now. She should be comforted by his admission that he hadn’t been hopping from her bed to this blonde woman’s. But it wasn’t enough.
“You’re going to go through with it, then? The marriage?”
“It is a matter of honor.”
“Honor? Where was your honor when you were making me believe we had a future together that involved more than me riding you and your horses?”
His eyebrows slammed downward in a formidable scowl. “Have I ever made promises to you that I did not keep?”
“No. But I thought …” She twisted the towel in her hands. “I hoped you and I would get married. Eventually. And have a family.”
“Did I not tell you in the beginning that I would never offer marriage?”
With pain choking her, she couldn’t force a word out. She could only nod.
“And I will not have an illegitimate child. That is why we have always used protection.”
But she couldn’t tolerate birth control pills and condoms weren’t fail-proof, as she’d learned firsthand. She fought the urge to shield her tummy. He had a child on the way. He just didn’t know it yet. She’d only put the clues together yesterday and taken the pregnancy test this morning before her run. She’d been planning to tell him tonight during an intimate dinner for two. When she found the right words.
But everything had changed now, and there were no words that could make this situation right. Not if he was going to marry someone else.
Her pride gave her a kick in the pants. “Well, forgive me for getting the impression you might have reconsidered when you bought this house bordering your estate and set me up in it. And when you’ve followed me to every city on the Grand Prix circuit so you could share my bed.”
“And to watch you ride my horses—three very expensive investments. I have enjoyed our time together, Megan, and will continue to savor each moment we share until the very last.”
“When you leave me for her.” Indignation prickled her scalp. “Your fiancée might have something to say about that.”
“She has no say in my private affairs before the wedding. As I have stated, the marriage is a business arrangement. Neither Cecille nor I are going into this with any illusions of something as transient as love.”
Megan’s love didn’t feel transient at all. It felt like a big gaping hole in her heart—one that would follow her to the grave.
Xavier folded his napkin with crisp precision, rose and approached her. She couldn’t bear to look at his aristocratically handsome face. More specifically, she couldn’t handle the absence of the warmth and tenderness that were usually in his beautiful emerald eyes when he focused on her. At that moment he looked every inch the ruthless businessman he was rumored to be. Certainly not the man she’d believed—mistakenly, apparently—had fallen in love with her, the man who treated her like she was someone precious and wonderful and who didn’t expect her to change one iota of her person to be with him.
An immaculately fitted Italian suit outlined his lean, tall form and the powerful muscles he conditioned when they worked out side by side in the gym he’d installed in the spare bedroom for her. He had already dressed to board the helicopter that would fly him to Parfums Alexandre’s corporate offices in Nice the moment she left for the stables on his estate. No traffic jams for him. He simply flew over them all and landed on the roof of his office building.
Only this time when he left she wouldn’t spend the hours eagerly awaiting his return or daydreaming of the sensual delights they’d share in bed tonight. Instead she’d be worrying about whether he was with her. The woman he intended to marry. The woman who wasn’t casual or temporary.
He released an exasperated breath. “Megan, there is no need to be melodramatic. Our relationship will continue unchanged. We will have the next twelve months together.”
“You expect me to sleep with you while you’re engaged to someone else?” The idea seemed unconscionable. “And then what? You’ll marry her? And forget all about me? About us and what we’ve shared? Like discarding an out-of-style suit?”
“I will never forget you, mon amante.” He lifted his hand toward her cheek.
The gentle stroke of his fingertips made her shiver. Unable to stomach her traitorous body’s response, she backed up a step. Inhaling slowly, then exhaling, she willed the fuzzy-headed this-can’t-be-happening feeling away and tried to gather her thoughts.
“What if I asked you to choose between her and me?”
“Don’t.”
The inflexible word crushed her hopes and dreams. The idea of her man—the one she adored immeasurably—making love to her while planning to marry someone else made her want to howl and throw things. And she wasn’t the tantrum-throwing type. He might as well rip out her heart and grind it beneath his custom-made Italian shoes.
She would not be the other woman. She would not beg for his attention or settle for the crumbs his wife allowed him to toss her way.
And what about the baby she carried?
What of her career?
Her home?
Everything she’d counted on had been completely upset by his engagement. Panic clawed at her. She needed to think, to plan, to try to find a way out of this mess, and she couldn’t do that with Xavier watching her.
She tossed the towel aside. “I have to get to the stables.”
“Megan—”
“I can’t talk to you about this right now. I have horses and clients waiting for me.”
“Tonight, then.”
She barely managed not to snort in disbelief. Did he honestly believe she’d come home after work and casually share dinner the way they always did? Dinner. Then bed. Then lie in his arms all night and think about her? No way.
She raced into the bedroom. The fact that he didn’t come after her spoke volumes. She shed her running clothes and yanked on her riding attire. Her hair was damp and she probably reeked of sweat from her run, but she didn’t care. A shower was the least of her worries. She stomped into her boots.
Her cell phone blinked on its charger, indicating a new voice mail message. Unable to deal with whoever had called now, she snatched up the device and shoved it into her jacket pocket without checking caller ID.
She bolted from what until this morning had been her paradise, a fairy-tale cottage, part of the fairy-tale life she and Xavier had created. She heard the helicopter’s blades in the distance. Xavier had already left, as if this day—the one where he’d shattered her dreams and wrecked her life—were as routine as any other.
She’d sprinted half the distance to the stable before stopping beneath a tree—and out of sight of the rising chopper—to gather her shattered control. Struggling to catch her breath, she leaned against the rough bark and wiped the moisture from her face. Tears, not sweat. And she never cried. Never. Tears were useless and they never fixed anything. But, damn him, Xavier had driven her to tears for the first time since hearing about the plane crash that had killed her family.
She took big gulping breaths, but she couldn’t seem to stem the flow. She was pregnant. And the only man she’d ever allowed herself to love, the father of her baby, was going to marry someone else.
He had made it clear he wouldn’t want this child.
Do you?
Given the circumstances—the new circumstances—she didn’t know.
Part of her relished the idea of holding the proof of her love for Xavier in her arms. But her logical side argued that children and the Grand Prix circuit were not a winning combination. Only a few riders juggled parenthood and competition successfully, and they did so with the help of nannies and understanding spouses. Could she make it work without Xavier’s help?
She worked crazy long hours, often seven days a week, and the travel was grueling. What kind of mother could she be with that schedule? Her child would suffer without a second parent to fill the gaps. Single parenthood would be nothing like the merry band of gypsies she, her brother, mother and father had been before the crash.
Continuing the pregnancy would be incredibly complicated. Even if she booted Xavier’s gorgeous butt and his horses to the curb, how would she hide her condition from him if she stayed on the continent? She was almost two months pregnant and it wouldn’t be long before she’d start to show.
Would he try to talk her into an abortion or fight her for custody on principle? This was Xavier’s baby, and what Xavier owned Xavier kept. Would he feel as territorial about an unplanned love child?
It didn’t matter. Megan wouldn’t risk having her child raised by his wife—someone who might not want it, love and cherish it. Someone who might resent the hell out of the onerous duty thrust upon her.
Been there. Done that. After her family had been killed, her childhood hadn’t been the greeting card kind. Even though her uncle had taken her in, he’d made sure she always knew she was an unwelcome burden. An outsider. That woman’s child.
And what about her cottage—the house Xavier had bought for her? Even if he’d let her, she couldn’t stay there after he married someone else. Especially since her place had a clear view of the driveway to his estate. She’d see his wife coming and going. And that would destroy her.
She bent over double, hands on her knees. What are you going to do?
Panic tightened like a noose around her neck. She had to focus on the present rather than worry about what might happen months from now. Deal with today. Then the rest.
The birth control failure couldn’t have come at a worse time. She was on the verge of realizing her dream of making it to the top as a Grand Prix rider and trainer on the European circuit. Not only were her horses racking up credentials, but she’d been signing more and more exclusive clients each season. She rode over a dozen horses any given day. And she had a reputation for being the “go-to” girl when a rider sustained an injury and needed a temporary replacement.
But she couldn’t do any of that while she was expecting. Taking time off for a pregnancy would mean losing ranking and income from the horses other owners contracted her to ride and show. And then what?
Straightening slowly, she hugged her middle. Termination would be the least complicated route, she acknowledged with a heavy heart. But could she do it? She didn’t know. Her thoughts were a tangled mess of crushed dreams and a potential career crisis.
But whether or not she had the baby was her decision. She had the most to lose either way. As for Xavier … what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
Until she made up her mind about her future she couldn’t risk him finding out about her condition. She had to get as far away from his influence as possible. But where could she go? Where could she hide?
Before she could flee to lick her wounds and reorganize her life she had to make arrangements for her horses and those she trained for other owners. Because no matter how this ended, she was a professional and she wanted to have a career to return to after … whatever happened.
She pulled out her phone, determined to get business out of the way so she could focus on the multitude of changes ahead. Hannah’s number popped up as the missed call. No surprise. Somehow her cousin always knew when Megan needed her, and Hannah would support her no matter which choice she made. Hannah would give her refuge while she tried to make sense of her future.
That took care of the where-to-go problem. It was time to go home to North Carolina—the state and country she’d fled a decade ago—and get as far away from Xavier Alexandre as possible.
Three weeks of silence weighed heavily on Megan’s nerves. She hadn’t heard from Xavier. He hadn’t called, emailed, texted or responded in any way to her email informing him that she wouldn’t be returning to France.
She’d expected … something. And yes, it shamed her to admit she’d hoped he’d miss her, come after her, apologize and propose. He was a fighter, not a quitter. His company’s rise to the top in the global perfume market proved his ambition and tenacity.
It was hard to accept that the most exciting time of her life, her love affair with the man she’d believed perfect, was over. Finished. And being dismissed so easily hurt in ways she never could have imagined. It was as if she’d never mattered to him and as the cliché said, she was out of sight and out of mind.
But life went on and this morning her cousin Hannah—not Xavier—had accompanied her to her first prenatal appointment—a bittersweet moment filled with both joy and pain.
She’d never planned to have children. But those plans had changed somewhere over the Atlantic when she’d remembered Hannah’s mother’s favorite saying. The end of something is always the beginning of something else.
The words hadn’t meant anything to Megan as a child, but they couldn’t be more apt now. This baby was the beginning of her new life. And if she couldn’t have Xavier, she could have a family of her own.
With her attention only half-focused on the rider in front of her, she thanked heaven for her cousin. Hannah had not only welcomed her and provided her with a home, but she’d helped find experienced riders to keep Megan’s horses in shape. And she had made a place for Megan at Sutherland Farm as a trainer and riding coach. It wasn’t nearly as satisfying or challenging as riding, but for now, it would pay the bills.
It was only when she wandered through the silent guest cottage—her new home—at night that Megan got caught up in the what-might-have-beens. But she and her baby would survive without Xavier Alexandre.
The sound of a rail clattering down jerked her attention back to the student cantering through the intermediate jump course. Megan signaled the rider—her last lesson of the day—to meet her at the gate. She was used to assessing her competition, analyzing their weaknesses and using those to trounce them in the ring. Finding a constructive way to share a rider’s faults and coach them into a better performance wasn’t a skill she’d mastered yet. But she was working on it.
“Do you know why that last rail came down, Terri?” she asked as she stroked the big chestnut’s glossy neck. The Hanoverian mare had heart and scope. That was half the battle. If only her rider were half as talented.
The girl grimaced. “I rushed it. I was already racing for the time line before I cleared the last vertical.”
“Exactly. And your distraction confused your horse. Otherwise, that was a good run. You could lean a little more forward as you approach, but you can work on that between now and your next lesson.”
“Got it. I’ll see you next week, Megan. Thanks.” Terri waved and trotted off on her mare.
Megan’s energy flagged. The combination of restless nights combined with her pregnancy was kicking her butt. The course needed resetting for tomorrow’s advanced students, but she just couldn’t summon any enthusiasm for the task. It would have to wait until morning. Right now she needed a moment to soak up the peace and quiet of the fading day.
She turned her back on the barn and the paperwork waiting on her desk, braced her arms across the top of the white board fence and parked her boot on the bottom rail as she savored the way the setting sun turned the sky sherbet colors as it disappeared behind the tall pines. The sweet aromas of honeysuckle and gardenias permeated the humid air. There was a stillness in the ring just before dusk, a tranquillity that centered the universe on the rider and her mount.
Megan missed riding like an amputee would miss a newly severed limb, and not being able to pit herself and her horse against time and obstacles left her empty and adrift. She’d been a rider since her father had bought her first pony for her fourth birthday. The show ring had been the one place she’d excelled, the only place she’d always fit in, and her last link to her father who’d been a great competitor. But she wouldn’t risk hurting her baby—not even for a short ride.
“This is your favorite time of day. Why aren’t you riding?”
Xavier.
She startled at the sound of his deep, slightly accented voice, and her boot slipped on the rail, nearly dumping her on her bottom. She quickly regained her balance and spun to face him. Joy, hope and apprehension swirled like a dust devil inside her. He’d come. Finally. The urge to throw herself in his arms bunched inside her like a compacted spring. But she couldn’t. Not until she knew his intentions.
The evening breeze tossed his dark hair. His observant green eyes pinned her in place. The shadow of stubble cloaking his jaw, combined with a white silk long-sleeve shirt and black jeans gave him the look of a modern-day pirate. A pirate who had stolen her heart and tossed it overboard like flotsam, she reminded herself.
“What are you doing here?”
“I have come to take you home.” His autocratic bearing and commanding tone were so familiar, so dear. She loved his confidence, his swagger. And those were the words she’d been waiting to hear. But …
“You’ve canceled your wedding?”
His brow creased. “No.”
Her balloon of hope deflated. “Are you going to?”
“I cannot.”
She’d thought her heart couldn’t break any more. Wrong. A fresh stab of pain gouged her. “Then we have nothing more to discuss, Xavier. You’re committed to another woman. You’ve wasted a trip. Climb back in your jet and have a nice flight home. I’ll arrange for someone to pack up the rest of my things and get them out of your cottage.”
“If you want your belongings come for them yourself.”
How like him to be stubborn. “I can’t. I have a job here now.”
“Teaching riding lessons,” he scoffed as if her occupation was no more prestigious than shoveling manure from stalls.
“I like mentoring others.” Or she would once she got the hang of it.
“You like teaching. But you love riding. Your possessions will be waiting for you when you return. I will not allow anyone else to enter your home.”
“Your home. Your name’s on the deed.”
“That can easily be changed.”
“What happens when you marry, Xavier? Do you think your wife will like having your ex-mistress nearby? Or were you expecting us to carry on as lovers after the ceremony?”
“Unlike my mother, I will honor my vows. You may keep the cottage. We are adults. Cecille need not know of our past.”
“Everyone knows about us. We were inseparable for months. Ship my stuff here or give it away. I don’t care. I’m not coming to get it.”
Good thing she’d brought the most important items with her when she’d packed in such a rush to get out before he’d returned from work that day. She wouldn’t need the fancy designer dresses he’d bought her since she wouldn’t be attending parties with him. Besides, pretty soon they wouldn’t fit. She was already noticing her tops fit more snugly.
She wanted to howl in pain and frustration. Couldn’t he see he was making a huge mistake? But unless he relented on his marriage plans she couldn’t risk returning to the house where she’d been so happy with him—the cottage where she’d finally allowed herself to trust in forever. The memories would undermine her resolve to do the right thing for herself and her baby. Besides, she couldn’t afford to have him guess her secret and possibly claim her child.
He moved closer. The fence blocked her retreat. As the distance between them decreased, a slight quiver overtook her body. He lifted a hand and cupped her face in the warmth of his palm. “How can you walk away from what we shared, Megan?”
As tempted as she was to lean into his touch, she resisted. It wasn’t easy. “I could ask you the same thing.”
“But I am not.”
She forced herself to twist out of reach. “Yes, you are. You’re engaged to marry someone else. You know I won’t settle for second place. I always fight for first—in the ring and out of it. You once told me my zeal was one of the things you liked best about me.”
“I admire many things about you, including your ambition and independence. But there is no need to throw a tantrum because you cannot have your way in this.”
She gaped at him as anger boiled inside her. “A tantrum! You think I’m throwing a tantrum?”
“What else could it be? I have showered you with gifts. I have even given you a home. I will make sure you lack for nothing even after we end our association. If you return to Grasse.”
“I’ve never cared about your money, your estate, your fancy cars or airplanes. You’re not offering what I want most, Xavier. You. Exclusively.”
“You have me exclusively now.”
“But only until your wedding. One of these days I’m going to want a husband … and children. I want someone to grow old with. A friend and a lover. You want that with someone else. Do us both a favor and move on.”
Her stiff muscles protested as she turned and ordered them to carry her away from the best—and the worst—thing that had ever happened to her.
She didn’t need to hear gravel crunching under his heels to know Xavier followed. Her body sensed his like a divining rod does water. His purposeful stride quickly brought him up alongside her, and though her eyes hungered for another look at him, she denied herself the pleasure and the pain.
“I have nothing more to say. Goodbye.”
“If we are going to quote past conversations, then you will recall that my determination is one of the traits you claimed we shared and you admired. Do not expect me to give up so easily when what we have is so good. I fight for what I want, and I want you, mon amante.”
“What we had. Past tense.” Apprehension tightened in her middle. She should have listened to her intuition and refused to ride his horses when he’d first approached her. But she hadn’t. She’d been swept away by a man who bought treats for her horses instead of gifts for her, and she’d ignored the warning prickles and signed the contract promising to become his trainer and rider.
After the first competition he’d asked her out while she was still high on the euphoria of winning. She’d somehow found the strength to refuse but then he’d pursued her, unrelentingly bulldozing right over her vow to never become involved with a client.
She couldn’t let him overpower her again. She had to get rid of him. But how?
She glared up at him. “Stop following me. I won’t play cat and mouse with you. And I won’t entertain you until your bride-to-be is willing to warm your sheets. Find another lover, Xavier. I intend to.”
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