Kitabı oku: «Mean Girls», sayfa 13

So Lulu had come. By the end of the game, they’d been chatted up by some of the Most Sought After senior boys. They invited the two girls to a party at the quarterback’s house. Everyone knew Jake Lanter hadn’t found his date yet. He’d just dumped his cheerleader girlfriend.

Becca begged Lulu to go with her. “Please! They invited us both, there’s no way this isn’t, like, our beginning of popularity.”

Lulu finally gave in, reluctantly lying to her mother and saying she was staying at Becca’s for the night. Becca called her mother and told her she’d be at Lulu’s. Classic.

It was almost two in the morning, and Becca was on her fifth Smirnoff Ice. It was enough to make her loopy—she’d never had anything much before. Just sips of her parents’ merlot when they weren’t looking. And that had been just … awful. Nothing like these bottles full of sugar.

Jake, the god of Hotness, Popularity and the ticket to Becca’s happiness, walked over to her. He was probably about five inches taller than her, and very intimidating. He smiled, his eyes narrowed.

“You’re so hot,” he said, then biting his lip. “How come I’ve never heard of you?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

She knew why, of course. It was because she hadn’t been “so hot” until recently. The braces coming off had really tipped her into the attractive zone.

“You know, my friend Eric has a crush on your friend Lulu.”

She looked at the guy he indicated. He was talking to a nervous-looking Lulu. She couldn’t help but think smugly that Jake was hotter.

“Does he really?” she asked. “She probably likes him, too.”

Lulu would have killed her for saying it. But Becca had said it before she could stop herself.

He looked over at the pair. “Thing is, she looks a little nervous. Don’t you think she looks nervous?”

She nodded. “She probably is.” She hoped she didn’t sound nervous.

“So here’s what we’re gonna do. Slip this into her drink.” He handed her a small Ziploc bag with a tiny bit of white powder in it.

She shook her head, but he smiled.

“Baby,” he said, putting his hand on her cheek. “It’s nothing bad, come on. You can trust me. Hey, I mean, I’d offer you some, but you don’t look nervous at all. You’re cool. You probably know just what to do. Don’t you?”

Jake kissed her on the neck and pulled her close. Her heart pounded, not only with the thrill of being pursued by the quarterback, but with the unhappy thought that she didn’t know just what to do.

“I can’t … she’s my friend, I don’t want to give her anything without telling—”

He rolled his eyes, and she cowered under his growing agitation. He looked at her. “Okay, listen. It’s called Delastor. It’s just gonna stop her from thinking too much. Does your friend worry a lot?”

Yes. That was Lulu. It had only been with Becca’s begging that they ended up here at all. And look at them—two football players were talking to them. It was a good thing Becca had done the thinking for Lulu. Maybe this was just one more time she needed that.

“I’ll do it.”

“Good,” said Jake. “Do that, and then find me. We’ll have fun.”

She nodded and smiled. “Okay.”

He walked away, and she grabbed another Smirnoff Ice. Watermelon—that was Lulu’s favorite flavor. She had pajamas with watermelons all over them.

With shaking hands, Becca poured in the white powder. It was just going to make her relax. That was all it’d do. What’s the worst that could happen? She fell asleep?

To Becca, who was fourteen and had seen little of the world, this seemed completely reasonable.

She handed the drink to Lulu. “Here,” she said, giving a small smile to Eric. “Drink this. We should cheers to … our first Homecoming game.”

Lulu didn’t argue. She didn’t have any reason to mistrust Becca. She drank hers and waited for Lulu to finish—Becca got a small flip in her stomach when she imagined telling Jake that not only had she done it, but she’d made sure Lulu drank the whole thing.

When she told him, he smiled and pulled her outside and onto the trampoline. Almost everyone was asleep or hooking up. After some preamble that Becca had now blocked out, she and Jake were making out hard core. She wanted to enjoy it. She did enjoy the fact that it was Jake doing it. But he was rough, and never gentle. His tongue stabbed into her mouth harshly and without consideration of what she was doing. He pulled her hair a little too hard, but she was too afraid to say anything.

It was only with the strength she had in the core of herself that she was able to tell him that she wouldn’t have sex with him. He did exactly what she’d feared when he tossed her aside muttering that she wasn’t worth all that.

She sat there for a little while, feeling sorry for herself and hoping he’d come apologize. She tried hard not to cry from the embarrassment, and failed. Finally she wiped off her tears, and went inside to find Lulu. She’d pay for a damn cab. All she wanted was to go home and watch something with a happy ending. She remembered that her dad had just bought her Thin Mints.

She pulled open the sliding door. She walked past a couple grinding on the sofa, illuminated by the blue light of the TV screen. She opened a bedroom door and found people smoking weed. She opened another and found a bunch of sleeping bodies—none of them Lulu’s. She went upstairs and hesitated. The only room up there had noise coming from it. Banging. She didn’t want to open the door. But after looking everywhere else in the house, she knew Lulu was either gone or in that room. She opened the door and saw Lulu’s naked, limp body. Her red-haired head was repeatedly hitting the headboard as Eric, the narrow-hipped boy with pimples on his back, thrust against her again and again.

The bag of white powder came into her mind.

“Eric! Eric, stop! What are you doing?”

He ignored her, and kept moving. She watched the scene with horror, even stepping forward and trying to pull on his arm. He shook her off and kept going. She said Lulu’s name, but she only responded with the slightest opening of her eyes.

Becca didn’t know what to do. Wait? Leave? No, those were wrong and unthinkable. Call the police? No. She was drunk. Everyone was. Everyone would hate her. She couldn’t be the girl who got everyone in trouble.

And what about … what about the fact that she’d been the one to give the drug? Whatever it had been—she’d heard of the date rape drug—had that been it? But Jake had said some weird name … she’d never heard it before.

“What are you standing there for, sweetie? You wanna join? I’d rather fuck you than her anyway.”

Eric’s words stung. Not only was he raping—God, was that what she was watching?—her friend Lulu, but he was insulting her.

Becca shrank onto the floor and covered her eyes. She tried to block out the sounds—the quiet, sinister sounds—and waited for the last pound and the groan from Eric. She heard him get off the squeaking mattress, exhale loudly and pull his pants on. She heard the jingle of his belt buckle, and then he walked past her and shut the door.

Then there was silence in the room.

She carried Lulu out to the curb, which took all of her strength—even with how light Lulu was—where they waited for a very expensive cab. She found the spare key under a flowerpot on Lulu’s front step, and took her up to her room. By that point, Lulu was awake enough to walk some. When Becca left Lulu’s room, Lulu was whimpering softly. She was in pain.

Becca walked the next mile to her own bed, where she lay awake for the rest of the night.

The truth came out. Eric got in trouble. Everyone but Lulu insisted that they’d seen Becca slip something in her drink. She got away unscathed by the law, but she was a social outcast. And she knew she deserved it.

“Becca?” Dana put a hand on her shoulder.

Becca looked into her narrow, dark eyes, and shuddered. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

She could tell Dana didn’t quite want to say it was okay, but wanted to seem undramatic.

“Come on,” said Becca, standing up. “Let’s go up to our room. I’ve got a movie with a happy ending we can watch on my computer.”

chapter 21 me

I KNEW SOMETHING WAS DIFFERENT THE SECOND I stepped off the bus at Manderley. Everyone was talking very importantly to each other, and I was getting a lot of looks. More than ever. At the end of a break it makes sense for there to be an excited, catching-up buzz about the school.

This wasn’t that.

It got weirder when I walked through the doors and saw a line that ended in Dana, Madison and Julia sitting at a table. Madison had a cash box, Julia was taking money, and Dana was handing out T-shirts. They were pink with black writing and had a picture on them I couldn’t make out from where I was standing.

I dropped my phone off at the office and walked over to the line. All of them watched me as I approached.

“I’m not butting or anything,” I explained, a bit uselessly, to some of the waiting students as I walked past.

I looked at one of the shirts Dana handed to a girl. The picture was of Becca, I could see now, and I read the words.

FIND BECCA

Dana had boxes of the shirts behind her. “Do you want one?”

It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me.

“You can even have one for free,” she offered, not sounding generous at all.

I shook my head and looked around to see that I was being swallowed by a sea of pink. Everyone around me was either wearing or holding a pink shirt. I walked quickly from the table and toward the stairs. I stopped when I saw Max. He was holding a shirt and looking a little dazed.

“Max.”

He tried to smile, but barely pulled it off. His jaw was clenched tightly again. “Come here.”

He pulled me in for a hug. I didn’t stop him, even in light of how uncertain everything was with him. He put his cheek to my hair and didn’t let go for a few seconds.

“What’s going on?” I asked. I never wanted to let go of him, but something had clearly happened.

“You didn’t hear, then?”

I shook my head. My heart was beating fast. “No, hear what? What’s happening?”

He hesitated. “They think … Becca’s alive.” He looked hopeful and regretful all at once.

“Why? Who thinks so?”

“Her Facebook … she had a status update, and it said she was alive. And … it was right after there was a sighting of someone who looked like her.”

“What?” I was breathless suddenly. Everything was going to change. Would they kick me out? Would she come back? “Where? What did it say?”

“They saw her here in town somewhere. The status just confirmed that it was her … I don’t know.”

Blake and Cam approached us a moment later, neither of them holding pink shirts.

“Can you believe this?” Blake asked, looking only at Max.

“No.”

“I don’t even know what to think. I guess we’ll hear more at the assembly. They’re holding it tonight instead of tomorrow.” She looked at me. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” My voice was much higher than usual. “What time’s the assembly?”

“Eight-thirty. Come in uniform.” Cam winked at me, apparently remembering my first assembly.

I smiled weakly. “I should go get situated. That’s only an hour from now.”

I needed to breathe, and to stop feeling that a seventeen-year-old missing girl being alive and well was a bad thing.

“Okay,” Max said, “meet me outside of the auditorium at eight twenty-five.”

I hated myself for getting excited by his willingness to meet me in public and that he wasn’t ignoring me. Maybe I was being Dumb Girl. But I couldn’t care.

Max paused and looked at me, like we’d never see each other again.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just … Never mind, I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

As soon as I walked away, I heard Blake start talking quickly and quietly to the other two.

I arrived at my room only to find that the few pictures I’d pinned to my bulletin board last semester had been taken down and put on my bed. So had the thumbtacks. All but the four tacks that held up an eleven-by-seventeen poster pinned in their place. It was a poster printed with the same picture and bold words as were on the T-shirt I still clutched absent-mindedly. I threw it on the floor and took down the poster.

I gathered the thumbtacks Dana had intentionally scattered evenly all over my comforter and put them back up with the pictures. Including some of the new ones from the break. My mom had pulled into the driveway just before I left with my dad and Jasper, yelling for us to wait, and then handed me an envelope of pictures she’d just gotten printed for me.

I pinned up some of those, mostly the ones from New Year’s Eve—before it had gone sour—and tried to stop my throat from tightening with the desire to jump right back on a plane. I’d made the decision to come back. I had no choice.

I unpacked my bag, my heart still pounding. I felt guilty for every selfish thought that crossed through my mind as I imagined what it would mean for me if Becca came back. It was good that she might not be dead. Good.

I jumped when a little while later there was a knock on the door. I was expecting Becca at every turn now.

“Come in.”

Madison and Julia floated in, both wearing expressions of great sympathy.

“This must be hard for you.” Madison sat down on Dana’s bed, moving the poster carefully out of the way.

“Why do you think that?”

Julia looked to Madison and then to me. “Becca coming back? You like Max … right?”

“No.”

“Sweetie, I’m sorry but …” Madison ignored me, and laid a hand on her chest, over her heart. “I’m your friend. We are your friends. But we know Max. We know Becca. And … we just don’t want you to have your heart broken by surprise when Max goes back to her.”

“And chances are …” Julia trailed off.

“Maybe he won’t.” I tried to sound more confident than I felt. “And we’re not even, like, together, so if he wants to be with someone that’s not … I mean he’s allowed to do whatever he wants.”

She shrugged. “Look, we’re just trying to look out for you. If you don’t want our help then just say so.”

I didn’t know what to say. But I figured the only way to get them to stop feeling sorry for me was to agree.

I nodded. “You’re probably right. I’ll try not to get too close.”

“Good. Because he really loves her,” Madison said, smiling sadly at me.

Okay, got it.

“You guys going down to the assembly now? It’s soon, isn’t it? I’m meeting Max—” I paused as Julia raised her eyebrows. “I’m meeting Max out front of the auditorium.”

“We’ll walk down with you, sure! Don’t forget your uniform.” Madison couldn’t quite pull it off like Cam without sounding a little mean.

I grabbed my Manderley polo and khaki skirt from the closet, and they stepped outside. To talk about me, I was sure, rather than out of some sense of my privacy.

I was out in a few seconds, and we walked down the stairs silently. I felt relieved when I saw Max.

He nodded a hello to the other girls, and then looked to me. I stepped toward him. He shook his head slightly, looking around, and held open the door for us instead of taking it. I was sure Madison and Julia were exchanging yet another look behind my back.

We walked into the dim auditorium. No one was talking, but everyone watched as we found a place to sit. Soon after we did, the house lights dimmed down to nothing, and Professor Crawley took the podium.

“Welcome back, students. I hope everyone had a good Winter Break. Classes will start up tomorrow as usual, at 8:00 a.m. I want to ask you all to remind yourselves of the rules, and to make sure you ready yourself for school and to shake off the holiday mentality.” He cleared his throat, and carried on with a reminder of what those rules were. I checked off the ones in my head that I’d broken.

Most of them.

The room was filled with the anticipation of what exactly had happened concerning Becca. But we had to wait a full forty-five minutes before all of the administration had spoken and Crawley had taken the microphone again. The room stiffened and went silent.

“There’s been a … progression with the Rebecca Normandy case. I’m sure most of you already know, at least those of you who knew her, but for those of you who do not, Dana Veers is here—once again—to explain. Miss Veers?”

She took the stage, looking even slighter than ever, squinting in the stage lights. “Hi. I think a lot of you bought the T-shirts we’ve been selling outside, and I was glad to find that many of you took our suggestion to buy more than one and to send them to your friends and family members. We want to increase awareness everywhere we can, and the more people who wear her picture the better. Becca Normandy is alive, everyone.”

Cheers immediately broke out. Max was still and silent, as was I. Professor Crawley made a movement toward Dana, but then allowed her to go on when she gave him a scathing look.

“Make it quick,” he said, his voice carrying just enough to get to the microphone.

“As some of you know, Becca updated her Facebook with the following—I am alive, and I will be back to Manderley soon. Love you, Max.” I felt him stiffen next to me. She went on. “I don’t know when she’ll be back, but obviously she will be. Because of this update, her parents have funded advertising in newspapers and magazines nationwide. She has become an icon in news stories practically overnight, and I’m sure it’ll be no time until she’s back. So what I’m saying is, tell your friends and family to keep an eye out for her. All of the money from the T-shirts is going to the cause.”

She stepped down, to applause. Professor Crawley took the podium over again. “Actually, in line with that, there is no way to know if this posting was really by Becca or not. The police are searching, but please, I implore you not to get your hopes—”

But Professor Crawley could hardly be heard. Everyone in the auditorium was talking noisily.

It stayed like that through dinner. I sat at a table with Cam, Blake, Max and some others I barely knew. Most of them were talking about Becca. I was poking at my spaghetti and meatballs, and Max was staring at his meat loaf.

I tried to formulate a million different questions and things to say before landing on, “What do you think?”

We couldn’t be heard over everyone else.

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Where would she have been all this time?”

“I don’t know.”

I waited for him to say something else. When he didn’t, I took a deep breath. “Max, you must be able to guess. You have no idea if this is something she might do?”

He raised his eyebrows. “It’s definitely something she would do.”

“It is?” My heart fell a little. Then guilt squeezed it.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Attention probably. Or something else. I don’t know.”

I took a small bite of my spaghetti. A moment later, I got up the nerve to ask him what I had been thinking. “Max, do you think she might have been pregnant?”

He froze. “I don’t know.”

“Really?”

“No. I have no idea.” His tone had sharpened.

I stared at him for a moment. “I’m not very hungry. And I’m tired. The plane, you know.” I waved my hand, as if to say, Oh, planes, they put me right to sleep. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He said nothing, and let me walk away. I said good-night to everyone else. Blake gave me a kind smile and waved.

I ran into Johnny on the steps.

“Hey,” he said.

“Johnny.” I breezed past him, not stopping until I got to the rotunda. I slumped down in one of the seats with itchy fabric.

“What’s wrong?” Johnny had followed me.

I shook my head. “Do you think Becca might come back?”

“It’s something she’d do.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound like the trait of a very lovable person, does it?” The question flew from my lips before I could stop it. “I mean … I mean …”

Johnny sat down across from me. “She wasn’t all simple charm. She had more to her. Yeah, this is something she’d do, but … I don’t know.” He looked thoughtfully down at his own fingers. “If she did, there’s more to it than just attention. I’m sure of that.”

“I asked Max if he thought she was pregnant.”

He looked stony. “Yeah, I’ve wondered that, too. Most everyone has.”

We were silent for a moment. “Was he … really that in love with her?”

“I don’t know what it was. It was something … different.”

My heart sank. “Okay.”

“He just couldn’t tear himself away from her. I don’t know why. But I mean, he wasn’t the only one.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean that … everyone was fascinated by her. She looked like a movie star, but partied like a rock star. I don’t know. She was just endearing in that way.”

I bit my lip and stared down at the floor. I’d never felt more drab in my life. I was like the gray, rainy skies outside, only less threatening and full of no mystery at all. Before coming to Manderley, I’d always thought I was worth knowing—certainly not worth admiring or obsessing over like Becca clearly was—but now I just felt like a mess. I bet Becca never had a hole in her socks, or a bad face day. I bet she never had puffy eyes in the morning or got hungover. She probably looked good in glasses—not that she’d have to wear them because she’d surely have perfect vision—and still look gorgeous without makeup. Probably had sexy, messy, bed hair instead of just ratty, messy hair.

She was the kind of beautiful we’ve all been comforted into thinking was just airbrushing in magazines. I was the “real” girl they always show before the airbrushing with a caption like, “But here’s what the average real girl looks like! Can you even believe it? She was walking around like that!”

“I can’t compete with that.” My face was getting hot. “Everyone looks at me like they think that I think that I’m as good as her, and I’m not even saying that I am. And yet, why should it be just so obvious that I’m not?”

I couldn’t figure out what exactly was driving my jealousy. I didn’t want to be fawned over and obsessed over. But I envied that she was.

“Look. Look at me.” He waited for me to look at him. “Call Becca the most beautiful and charming girl in the world, and it has nothing to do with who you are. You hardly pale in comparison. Everyone here, they’re just shallow. Becca wasn’t a bad person on the inside, but no one here got to know her, either. They all liked her because she was unique. She was a new toy they never really got to play with. And now that she’s gone, they just want her more than ever.”

I looked up at him, not noticing my eyes were filled with tears until some fell from my eyelashes. It was nice of him trying to console me. But I knew what he was saying was just that. Consoling.

Johnny smiled a little, furrowing his eyebrows. “Don’t. You have no reason to cry. You’re bigger than this whole school and everything anyone might think about you inside of it.”

“I never worry about this kind of thing. I’ve never been this person.”

“You’re still not, you’re just being massacred by a popular girl’s posse. It makes sense.”

I took a deep breath and laughed. “Thank you.”

Johnny looked over my shoulder and I turned to see Max.

“Are you fucking joking?” Max asked, looking at Johnny.

“Max, stop before your imagination goes crazy. I wasn’t—” Johnny began.

Max clenched his jaw, and stared straight at Johnny. “I’m not going through this whole thing again, especially not with her.” He threw a finger at me.

Johnny shook his head. “Max you gotta—”

“Fuck it, do what you want.” He walked through the dorm door, and was gone.

Johnny and I both sat silently for a moment in the now very still air.

I didn’t know what had just happened. I wanted to cry all over again.

He put a hand on my shoulder when he saw the expression on my face. “It’s okay, you haven’t done anything.”

“I have to go to sleep. Thank you so much, Johnny.”

I stood and went back to my room. I got under my covers and tried to sleep. Before I knew it, hours had passed and I was still not asleep. Finally my desire to talk to Max outweighed my desire to try sleeping.

I ran to the boys’ dorm and then through it. I knew his room number. It had been a small, embarrassing fantasy of mine to sneak into his room for months.

He opened it after a few seconds. He was in shorts and no shirt. I collected myself and then said, “What’s wrong with you? Why were you so mad earlier?”

“I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

“But why did you? I was just talking to him.”

He nodded. “Yeah. So was Becca.”

“What do you—what?”

He opened the door he stood in front of. “Come with me.

“Becca and Johnny were hooking up for … I guess most of my relationship with her.”

I practically did a double take. “What? Johnny?”

“Yeah. So that’s why he and I aren’t friends anymore.”

“Weren’t you two friends for a long time? I can’t believe he would just do that to you.”

“He wouldn’t usually. It was just Becca. Just how she was.”

I nodded. I was barely even aware of how cold it was outside.

“So when I saw you two,” he went on, “it just felt like déjà vu.”

“Well, I’m not … I don’t have any interest in Johnny at all. I hardly even know him.”

“You don’t have to say that. We’re not together.”

He may as well have slapped me. “I know.” My words were hard and restrained.

He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry about that. I really am.”

“I never said—”

“No, I know you didn’t. I’m sorry. I’m just …” He looked at me. “I like you. And I want to be with you. But I just can’t.”

“Max, I never said I wanted that. What makes you think you’re the one deciding you and I aren’t more than we are?”

He looked surprised, and that only made me madder.

“Seriously,” I went on, my voice rising a little. “When do you imagine I said anything about feelings for you?”

His face fell a little but I had to ignore it. I opened the door and said, “I’m going.”

A couple of guys were coming down the hallway. I felt my cheeks go red, and I closed the door behind me. They stayed silent, but I heard them start to laugh once I was past them. I flew out of the boys’ dorm door, and heard a lot of noise coming from the hall below. I leaned over the balcony.

“Miss Tobias!”

Professor Crawley, in khakis and a Harvard sweatshirt, was standing and breathing hard at the bottom of the stairs. Susan turned around when he called her name. “Stop running, I’ve already seen you—all of you—so just stop running.”

Susan Tobias was trembling and white as a sheet. “P-please, Mr. Crawley, I—I … My p-parents will kill me!”

“Come with me, and we might be able to work something out.” He ushered her with his hand. “There are only, what, five hundred students at this school? I know who you all are.”

He looked up and caught eyes with me. He crooked his finger to beckon me downstairs.

“We might have been out of bed after curfew, but she just snuck out of the boys’ dorms!” Susan was saying as I descended the stairs.

My heart was pounding. I hated getting caught doing anything. It always mortified me.

“You come with me, too,” he said, once I was next to them.

He led us through two heavy wooden doors and down a hallway. He switched on the lights and opened his office door with a key. “Sit.”

He indicated the seats across from his own, where he sat.

“I’m sorry, I—”

Professor Crawley cut me off. “I’ll talk to you in a second.” He turned toward Susan. “Miss Tobias. You’ve had a lot of detentions lately, haven’t you?” He turned on his computer and typed her name into a search box. “Yes, you have. Six in the past three months. I’m not going to ask you what’s going on. I just need you to stop messing up. You’re going to interfere with your own chances of getting into Northwestern. Also, I hate being dragged out of bed.”

“Yes, Professor Crawley. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to your future if you screw it up.”

“Yes, Professor Crawley.”

He gave a nod. “Go on to bed now.”

“Thank you, Professor Crawley,” she said quietly, before walking out the door and leaving us alone.

“So what happened with you? The boys’ dorms, really? This surprises me.”

“I wasn’t doing anything—I just had to talk to Max. Holloway. Max Holloway. I had to talk to him about something.”

“Couldn’t wait until the morning?”

I shook my head. My eyes suddenly started to burn, and I surprised myself by getting the urge to cry.

“What’s goin’ on?”

I shook my head and fought back the tears. “I don’t even know. I’m just so frustrated. I feel like all he thinks about is Her, and everyone’s always talking about it—Becca this, and Becca that—and I’m just not trying to be her—I don’t want what she had. Well, I mean, I do, I want him but that’s just a coincidence, it wasn’t on purpose. And everyone thinks it is, I feel like. And I went home and even Michael knew. Michael! He doesn’t know anything, and yet he knew about Her. And then we got in that big fight, and it’s just like even if I wanted to, I can’t even go home, and I don’t want to go to school with Leah anymore, because she’s just … ugh sometimes, you know? Plus then every time I go up to my room here, there’s Dana, just waitin’ to be weird as hell. Blake’s nice and everything, so that’s cool, and I mean, you know, sometimes it really does feel like Max likes me. But why does Dana care so much? It’s like I get sticking up for your friend, but … And what if she really comes back? Not that I don’t want her to be okay or anything.” I took a deep breath. I’d been staring at a spot on the desk, my words getting faster and more high-pitched as I spoke. I looked up at Professor Crawley and shook my head again. “I’m sorry.”

“Quite all right,” he said.

“I’m okay. Really. Like … all that stuff is just pissing me off. It’s not like I’m troubled or anything.”