Kitabı oku: «She»

In memory of Claire Warner,

who really was the perfect girl.

Contents

Cover

About the Author

Title Page

Copyright

Note to Readers

Dedication

Prologue

Part One

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Part Two

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Part Three

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Part Four

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

About the Publisher

To my dear daughter,

You will never read this letter but I needed to write it all the same.

I am so sorry for everything. If I could turn back time and change the past, I would. But the one thing I would never want to change is you. I’m sure your mother will have told you things about me and I will admit that some of them, to my shame, are true.

But, whatever she may have told you, I promise that from the moment you were born, I loved you. I know that you will grow up into a lovely young woman. I’m certain you will be as beautiful as your mother – maybe even more so. I hope you will be a good person and that one day you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive me and understand that every single one of us is flawed and anything I did, I did out of a father’s love for his child.

Love always,

Dad

Prologue

‘She seems perfect.’ Jo waved one last time, as her son drove his new girlfriend away from the house, the wheels of his black, open-top Mercedes spitting up the gravel on the driveway behind them as they departed, before she swung the heavy front door shut and looked up at Peter. ‘Don’t you agree? Don’t you think she seems like the perfect girl for him?’

Peter exhaled loudly and his eyes crinkled with tiredness. She could sense his irritability and there was a slight sheen of sweat on his tanned, lined forehead. ‘You said that about the last one.’ His words came out in one long sigh.

‘Well, Charlotte was perfect at the time.’ Jo couldn’t keep the defensive tone out of her voice, even though she knew he was right.

‘Hmmm …’ Peter pursed his lips disapprovingly, before turning and walking with a laboured stride along the cool, dark, flag-stoned hallway towards the sprawling, open-plan kitchen, which was suffused in a pale pink glow from the setting sun. ‘Except for the small matter that she dumped Ben and broke his heart.’

Jo hesitated, thinking, before following her husband. ‘You know, now that things have worked out the way they have, maybe it was for the best. Maybe she did him a favour?’

Peter picked up his half-finished glass of red wine from the pale granite worktop, and took it out onto the vast, sandstone terrace, which was now pleasantly warm after the searing heat of the late July day. He sat at the large glass table and looked out over the velvety green lawn, sweeping down towards the azure swimming pool, which looked like it was twinkling with a thousand dancing diamonds in the early evening sun.

Jo watched him for a few moments, letting him walk ahead, before picking up her own glass and heading out to join him. He seemed jittery and upset, which was out of character. She sat down at the table beside him. ‘Are you OK, darling? You seem a bit … uptight.’

Peter didn’t answer but gave a slight shrug.

‘You’re not sure about her, are you?’ Jo watched him closely, as she took a sip of her wine, which tasted slightly metallic after drinking several glasses of it.

‘No.’

The speed of his answer took her by surprise. ‘Why? She was perfectly charming.’

Peter pursed his lips again. It was as if he was trying to stop the words escaping. ‘Yes. Very.’ His tone was dry. Sardonic.

‘What then?’

Peter turned his sleepy gaze towards her. She loved his dark brown eyes, still framed by long lashes. He didn’t look younger than his 63 years, thanks to his cropped grey hair and tanned, lined skin, but he was certainly still a very handsome man. ‘I’m not sure.’ He hesitated and it was obvious that he was holding back. He tilted his head upwards, as if seeking inspiration from the sky. ‘She’s like a ghost that just appeared out of nowhere. And it’s all happened a bit too quickly. He’s on the rebound.’

Jo considered his words before replying: ‘You’re just being over-protective of your son.’

Peter sighed and looked back at her, his eyes clouded with worry. Jo frowned, as she fixed him with an intense stare, willing him to open up a bit more about his feelings. Seeing her expression, he tried to rearrange his features into a smile, before his face became serious again. ‘Maybe. But …’ He shook his head slightly, swatting away the thought. ‘Oh, I don’t know. Ignore me.’

Jo reached across the table and took his hand in hers. ‘I’m sure you’re worrying unnecessarily. Relax, she seems like the perfect girl for him.’

Part One

Chapter One

‘Pull over here!’

‘What?’ Ben turned towards her in surprise. ‘Are you OK?’

‘Pull over!’ she repeated.

Ben frowned to himself but immediately indicated and pulled into a small layby overlooking the patchwork of green and gold fields that criss-crossed the Suffolk landscape, undulating down towards the river. His heart hammered with sudden trepidation, as he turned off the engine and looked over at her expectantly. He cleared his throat. ‘What’s up?’

Bella turned her huge, dark eyes towards him, causing his stomach to flip. Despite being in his open-top Mercedes, he could still detect notes of her scent on the light summer evening breeze. ‘I’m pregnant.’

There was a rushing sound in Ben’s ears, as if a giant wave was thundering into shore behind him and he gripped the steering wheel to steady himself against its onslaught. ‘Pregnant?’

Bella looked away, her exquisite face still and expressionless.

Ben swallowed hard. ‘Are you sure?’

At his words, she closed her eyes for a moment, as a shadow of temper briefly swept over her smooth brow. ‘Yes.’ The word came out as a hiss.

Ben’s mouth formed a silent ‘oh’. He didn’t know how he was supposed to react. Didn’t know what he was supposed to say. And it was so soon. They had only been together for a couple of months.

He tried to grab onto the thoughts careering through his head. ‘How long?’ he said, snatching at the only one he could keep hold of.

Bella bit her plump bottom lip, which was quivering slightly. He couldn’t tell if it was nerves or tears. ‘I think about eight weeks. But I won’t know for sure until the scan.’ Her voice had taken on a robotic edge and she continued to stare straight ahead, with a slightly glassy expression that unnerved him.

Ben nodded, his mind whirring back to eight weeks previously. She must have conceived on their very first night together if that was the case. He leaned heavily against his seat to anchor himself. To steady his thoughts. His mouth was suddenly dry and his hands clammy. How was that possible? he wondered distractedly. That one part of your body dried up while another produced moisture. Shock, he supposed.

He became aware that Bella was watching him and allowed his gaze to shift back towards her. She gave him an uncertain smile. ‘Are you happy about it?’

‘Of course.’ The words came out automatically. What else could he say? It didn’t really matter what his feelings were, there was only one answer he could give. He tilted his head so that he could look at her properly. ‘How about you?’

Bella’s heart-shaped face melted into a demure smile. ‘I’m happy. Just … it’s a bit of a surprise, that’s all.’

Yes, Ben thought, she could say that again. His mind drifted to the day he had first met her, back in May. He was having a drink after work with Matt, his oldest and closest friend. Bella had been sitting at a table near to theirs, clearly waiting for someone who hadn’t shown up. Ben had been vaguely aware of her presence but was too engrossed in his conversation with Matt to really notice her.

Eventually, Matt nodded towards her, with an amused expression on his face. ‘I think you’ve got an admirer, mate.’

Ben frowned, before following Matt’s gaze. He didn’t believe in love at first sight and had always scoffed at the idea of a ‘lightning bolt’ moment, but that was exactly what happened when their eyes met. His mouth shifted into the shape of a smile without him telling it to. She smiled back and it was like a door opening to allow sunlight to flood in. Long, glossy dark hair, deep brown eyes, razor-sharp cheekbones and straight white teeth that looked even whiter in the darkness of the bar. She wasn’t just pretty. She was breathtakingly, head-turningly perfect.

As if on auto-pilot, Ben picked up his drink and walked over to her table. He thought he heard Matt mutter something along the lines of ‘Don’t mind me, will you?’ but he was oblivious to everything else around him, except her.

‘Hello.’ He put his drink on her table and sat down. For some reason, it didn’t occur to him to even ask if she minded him joining her. He just knew with absolute certainty that she didn’t.

She blinked slowly, her long black lashes almost sweeping the tip of those incredible cheekbones as she did so. ‘Hello.’

There was a long pause, as Ben looked at her, drinking her in, before he realized that he needed to say something. ‘I’m Ben.’

Her full lips parted into a smile, revealing those startlingly white, even teeth again. ‘Nice to meet you, Ben. I’m Bella.’

Ben nodded, unable to tear his eyes away from her. ‘Bella,’ he repeated, trying it out for size. He liked it. It was certainly the right name for someone who looked like her. ‘Can I buy you a drink, Bella?’

‘Thank you, yes.’ Her expression was a mixture of amusement and curiosity.

‘Champagne?’ he guessed.

She shook her head. ‘Sparkling water.’

Ben raised his eyebrows in surprise. ‘OK …’

He stood up and as he did so, he suddenly remembered Matt sitting alone at a nearby table.

‘Oh! Matt … I’m just getting some more drinks in. You’re welcome to join us?’ He desperately hoped Matt would decline.

Matt responded with a knowing smirk and a shake of the head. ‘Thanks, but I’m going to call it a night.’ He drained the rest of his beer and stood up. ‘Have fun,’ he added, patting Ben on the back as he left the bar with a purposeful stride.

Ben was as quick as he could be getting their drinks, not wanting to leave Bella unattended for long, just in case someone else took his place. He breathed a sigh of relief when he returned to a still-empty chair.

‘Thank you.’ Bella picked up her glass and took a long sip. Ben did the same, watching her over the top of his beer bottle, mesmerized. Everything about her was perfect, even her hands.

‘So, Ben,’ she began, her huge, exotic eyes drawing him in like a magnet. ‘Are you single?’

Ben spluttered on his beer. ‘Um, yes. I am. Definitely. Single.’

Bella smiled. ‘Good.’

‘Are you?’ he countered, suddenly nervous.

Bella dropped her gaze. ‘I am.’

‘Good. And do you get hit on by lots of men who aren’t single?’ Ben could feel his hackles rising on her behalf.

Bella looked back up at him with a half-smile. ‘All the time. That’s why it was my first question.’

‘Ah. Well, it looks like you got lucky with me then!’ Ben tried to keep his tone jokey but found he was uncharacteristically nervous and he didn’t quite manage to pull it off.

Bella seemed not to notice. She flashed him a wide, dazzling smile. ‘It looks like I did.’

They chatted easily for a while, before Ben motioned to Bella’s glass. ‘Another drink?’

She tilted her head, causing the sheet of shiny black hair to slide over her shoulder in a sleek wave. ‘I’d prefer dinner,’ she said, with a mischievous glint in her eye.

Ben grinned. ‘So would I.’ Simultaneously, they pushed back their chairs and stood up. Standing, she was even more of a vision. Tall and slim, dressed in a dark green silky wrap dress and high-heeled strappy nude sandals, she walked confidently in front of him towards the door, as if she knew that the eyes of every man in the room were turning towards her as she passed. Already, Ben could feel a swell of pride that it was him she was with.

As they stepped out into the cool night air, she reached over to take his arm, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. ‘Where are we going?’ she asked, as they fell into step with each other.

Ben wondered for a moment if he was dreaming this whole episode, it seemed so surreal. He wasn’t used to picking up women in bars. In fact, he had never picked up a complete stranger before. And yet, it seemed so right, as if he already knew her from somewhere. There was no awkwardness or hesitation. It all had a strange inevitability about it. His mind raced, as he tried to give off an impression of cool insouciance. ‘I know a great place.’ He gave her what he hoped was a knowing smile and steered her in the direction of his favourite restaurant, praying that Nigel, the maître d’ would have a table.

Nigel greeted them like old friends and, after pocketing the £50 Ben had surreptitiously slipped him, led them to a table by the window, with a spectacular view of London lit up and twinkling in the inky night sky as far as the eye could see.

‘Wow,’ Bella gazed out, her eyes shining with delight. ‘What an incredible view. And what an incredible place.’

Ben smiled to himself, hardly able to believe his luck. Out of the blue, he was sitting opposite the most stunning girl he had ever met, about to eat in one of London’s swankiest restaurants. Already he could feel the malaise that had been suffocating him for the previous few months, ever since Charlotte told him she needed some time apart to work out what she wanted, lifting. He swallowed and pushed all thoughts of Charlotte to the back of his mind. He wanted to clear his head to concentrate on this vision in front of him.

Sometimes, Ben reflected, sitting beside Bella in his car two months later, as he tried to digest her news, life just took you by the hand and led you in a certain direction. He wondered if he would have been able to stop the course of events, even if he had wanted to. Unlikely, he decided.

Just a year ago, he was flying high in his work as an advertising executive, still living with Charlotte, planning to propose and thinking that he knew exactly how his life was going to play out. But then Charlotte had dropped her bombshell as they returned to their flat in London, after spending Christmas with his parents in Suffolk. He remembered her words with an aching clarity: ‘I think we need to have some time apart.’

He had actually laughed. He had thought she was joking. When he became aware that she wasn’t laughing with him, he glanced over at her and saw a tear sliding down her cheek. ‘What? But why?’ His throat dried around the words and he felt his stomach contract. She was deadly serious.

Charlotte swiped at the tears with the back of her hand. ‘I need to be sure that this …’ She motioned from him to her. ‘That this is right for us. Both of us.’

Ben frowned and tried to focus on the road, although his mind was racing and he could feel his own tears threatening.

‘It’s right for me, Charlie. I’m not having any doubts. What’s brought this on?’

Charlotte had shaken her head. ‘I just … I just feel like I need some time, Ben. Ever since Dad died, I’ve been feeling so confused. And a bit rudderless. Wondering if this is it. I’m sorry.’

Ben had frowned to himself. He knew her dad’s death the year before had hit her hard but he didn’t realize how hard. Now that he thought about it, the signs were there: the faraway look she got in her eye more and more often. The sense that she wasn’t listening when he spoke. But there was something else too: the name she had started mentioning whenever she talked about work; the way her eyes danced as she regaled him with stories. He somehow felt it was connected.

They had driven the rest of the way home enveloped in a thick, dark silence, both of them immersed deep in their own thoughts. Charlotte leaped out of the car as soon as he had parked and disappeared into the flat, while Ben stayed put, still unable to digest her words. He tried to convince himself that she was just having a moment. That he would walk inside and find her waiting on the bed, laughing at how she had ‘got him’.

But as he finally let himself into the flat, he already knew that although he would find her in their bedroom, she wouldn’t be waiting for him on the bed, she would be packing.

‘Where will you go?’ He stood in the doorway, watching as she threw her clothes into two large suitcases. Not just an overnight bag. This was serious. She wasn’t planning to come back.

Charlotte ran her hand through her long, fair hair and bit her lip. ‘Lucy’s.’

Ben nodded. ‘Does she know you’re coming?’

Charlotte blinked quickly, as a flush spread up her pale, slender neck. Finally, she looked up and met Ben’s eye. ‘Yes.’

Ben felt his legs weaken. He took a deep breath and grasped the doorframe to support himself. ‘So you told her before you told me?’

Charlotte’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I just told her I was confused, Ben. She said if I ever needed some time out, she had a spare room.’

‘God.’ The feeling of betrayal seemed to squeeze the air out of Ben’s lungs. He had always thought Lucy was his biggest ally, often taking Ben’s side over her own sister’s.

‘Don’t look like that, Ben. Lucy adores you. For what it’s worth, she said that you’re one in a million and I’d be an idiot to let you go.’

Ben smiled sadly. It was a small crumb of comfort. ‘Then don’t let me go.’ It seemed so simple, so straightforward.

Charlotte hesitated, as different waves of emotion crossed her pretty, unlined face. After a moment, she seemed to make up her mind. She closed the cases and zipped them up carefully. The sound of the zips seemed to have a certain finality to it. Like a full stop at the end of a sentence. ‘I have to,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry.’

It had been six months since she left. How much his life had changed in that time. Here he was, living with someone new – Bella had gone home with him that first night and never really left – someone he would previously have thought was way out of his league, now expecting their first child. It made him feel dizzy to think about it. He wondered how Charlotte would react when she heard. Would she feel pleased that he had moved on with his life? Or would she feel regret that he seemed to have got over her so easily?

‘Ben?’ said Bella, as she laid her head on his chest that night.

‘Hmmm?’

‘I’d like to get married. Before the baby comes.’

Ben felt his whole body instinctively tense. He knew that having a baby was a much bigger commitment than getting married but somehow this seemed to loom so much larger. Less than a year ago, he had been planning to propose to Charlotte. Had envisaged her reaction as he asked her at sunset on their favourite beach in Portugal, her blue eyes glinting as she tearfully accepted.

Instead, he was unable to see Bella’s face in the darkness as she issued her declaration. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. She had made her mind up and he would have no influence at all. It was going to happen. ‘Right,’ he managed.

There was a long, heavy silence and soon Bella’s breathing became regular in the way it always did when she dropped off to sleep. Ben couldn’t sleep. His mind was too preoccupied. He loved her, of that he was certain. She was sexy, clever and utterly captivating. She made his head swim and his heart dance. But for the first time, Ben thought, there was something else about her. He stared into the darkness, trying to put his finger on what it was. Eventually, just as his eyelids were beginning to droop, the words came to him. Sometimes … she scared him.

Chapter Two

‘How’s Ben?’ Charlotte deliberately kept her eyes on her cappuccino, stirring it rhythmically, as she waited for the answer.

She had been surprised by the call from Ben’s sister, Emma, asking her to meet, sensing that there was an ulterior motive. Around them, the cramped coffee shop in Soho was beginning to fill with lunchtime customers and the noise levels were rising with them. Someone bumped the back of Charlotte’s chair, causing some of the milky coffee to spill into the saucer.

‘He’s good. Really good, actually.’

Emma’s emphasis on the word ‘really’ made Charlotte look up. ‘Great. And he’s still with …?’

‘Bella,’ Emma cut in. ‘Yes. Very much so.’

Charlotte nodded, knowing she had no right to feel anything other than pleased for him.

‘Actually,’ Emma continued. ‘I’ve got some news. He asked me to tell you.’

Charlotte felt her stomach clench in anticipation. So she had been right. There was an ulterior motive and it sounded ominous. ‘OK.’

Emma took a careful sip of her coffee, which was black and decaf. No fattening cappuccinos for her. Then she took a deep breath, before blurting out her words. ‘They’re getting married. She’s pregnant.’

Charlotte’s vision blurred momentarily and she reeled backwards slightly, grateful for the steadying resistance of the leather cushion behind her. ‘Pregnant?’ she stuttered. ‘But … it’s so quick!’

‘I know.’ Emma put her coffee cup down on the saucer slightly too hard so that some of the dark liquid sloshed over the rim. ‘We’re all a bit in shock but Ben is doing a good impression of being delighted.’

Charlotte tried to take stock of how she was feeling. She had no right to be upset. She had broken Ben’s heart and left him feeling wrung-out and confused. But the truth was, she was upset. She felt, bizarrely, like he had betrayed her. She took a sip of her cappuccino, aware that her hand shook slightly as she lifted her cup. ‘Do you not believe him then, that he’s happy about it?’

Emma raised a prettily arched eyebrow. ‘Who knows? I’m only his sister and we’re not as close as we were …’ She paused, her eyes momentarily drifting. ‘But he isn’t saying anything other than that he’s delighted. At the very least, he must be pretty shocked.’

‘Unless they planned it?’ Charlotte ventured. ‘He never made any secret of the fact that he wanted children …’ She tailed off, as she thought about the number of times she and Ben had discussed it. Maybe it was that that had spooked her enough to leave. It seemed so huge. And although she knew that she wanted kids one day, she still felt too young.

‘I don’t think they planned it.’ Emma shook her head vehemently. ‘Definitely not. They would only have been together for a week or so when she conceived – if that! – and although it’s true that Ben has always wanted children, he’s not the reckless type. He would have wanted to make sure they were ready before taking such a big step.’

Charlotte nodded. Emma was right. Ben wasn’t the reckless type. But he did seem to have fallen madly in love very quickly. Maybe it had clouded his judgement. ‘What’s she like?’

‘Bella?’ Emma raised her large blue eyes as she considered. ‘She’s sort of perfect.’

Charlotte felt a little spike of jealousy shoot through her.

‘She’s so good-looking, it makes me sick,’ Emma continued, seemingly unaware of the turmoil she was creating in Charlotte’s head. ‘And she’s certainly lifted him out of himself. He seems genuinely happy again. I was a bit worried about him for a while there …’

Charlotte shifted uncomfortably in her chair. ‘Well, that’s good. He deserves to be happy.’

Emma nodded fondly. ‘He does. He’s a good boy.’ Even though Ben was 30, she still referred to her younger brother as a boy. She fixed her wide blue eyes on Charlotte. ‘And how about you, Charlotte? How are you getting on?’

Charlotte smiled. ‘I’m OK. I’m starting to get myself together again – at last!’

‘Still living with Lucy?’

Charlotte nodded. ‘But I think I might have outstayed my welcome. Need to think about finding somewhere of my own.’

There was a pause, before Emma gave her a sly look. ‘And what about your love life?’

Charlotte felt her cheeks flush. ‘What love life?’ She tried to make the remark light-hearted but her voice cracked slightly as she spoke.

‘Oh.’ Emma looked down. ‘I thought you had met someone else. Ben certainly seemed to think so …’

‘He was wrong about that,’ Charlotte interrupted her. She paused, unsure how to articulate what she wanted to say. ‘I know he thought that maybe I had something with a guy from work but we’re just friends. I think it made it easier for him to think that … rather than that I just wanted some time on my own to work things out.’

Emma nodded. ‘Do you think …’ She hesitated, as if she sensed that she might be stepping over a line. ‘Do you think you would have gone back to Ben, once you’d had some time to yourself?’

Charlotte swallowed hard. It was the question she had been asking herself every day since she left Ben. ‘It’s irrelevant, isn’t it? By the time I had worked things out in my head, he was all loved up with Bella. It wouldn’t have been fair to get back in touch.’

Emma frowned. ‘Wouldn’t that have been for him to decide? He was so heartbroken when you left, Charlie. It might at least have helped restore his confidence.’

Charlotte shrugged again, trying to feign a nonchalance she didn’t feel. ‘Well, I didn’t, so like I say, it’s irrelevant now.’ She didn’t want to say that she felt huge regret that she hadn’t gone back to Ben sooner. Being without him had shown her that he really was the only one for her.

She had been with him for twelve years, ever since they met at university and it was once they started talking seriously about marriage and children that, for some reason, she got cold feet. She still didn’t understand why. But a short time apart was all it took to make her realize how much she loved and needed him.

‘It’s never too late you know …’ Emma said, almost to herself, as she drained her coffee.

Charlotte gave a wry laugh. ‘I think you’ll find that in this case, it is very definitely too late.’

Chapter Three

Matt glanced out of the window of their ground-floor Victorian conversion flat. ‘They’re here!’ he called out, as he headed towards the door.

His wife, Freya, emerged from the kitchen, smoothing down her navy bodycon dress, which showed off her slim figure and surprisingly ample bust. ‘I’m a bit nervous!’

Matt smiled at her appreciatively, thinking how effortlessly lovely she looked. ‘Don’t be. Ben wouldn’t be with her if she was horrible.’

‘I know. It’s just … well, it was so easy with Charlie, wasn’t it? I can’t imagine how he’ll be with someone new.’

‘Well, we’re about to find out.’ The buzzer rang and Matt picked up the intercom to let them in through the main front door, before opening the door to their flat. ‘Hello! Come on in!’ he called, poking his head out into the scruffy, brightly lit hallway, keen to get them into the considerably more glamorous surroundings of the flat.

Bella and Ben stepped inside, armed with flowers and wine. Matt gave Ben his customary bear-hug and stepped back, unsure how to greet Bella. A kiss felt too forward for their first meeting. A handshake too formal. In the end Bella gave a small but friendly wave and a nervous giggle. ‘Hi, Matt, lovely to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.’

‘Ha! All good I hope …?’ Matt tried to pull his eyes away from her but found that he couldn’t. She was definitely the most strikingly attractive girl he had ever set eyes on. No wonder Ben had fallen for her so quickly and so deeply. Behind him, Freya cleared her throat pointedly. ‘Oh! Bella, this is my wife, Freya.’

‘Hi, Freya,’ Bella said, giving Freya a warm smile. ‘These are for you.’ She handed her the flowers.

‘Thank you.’ Freya’s cheeks had flushed slightly red and she looked uncharacteristically shy as she took the expensive-looking bouquet of lilies.

‘You have a lovely home,’ Bella added, gesturing around the open-plan living/dining space that Freya had lovingly decorated with chalky, muted colours on the walls, offset by splashes of bold colour in her choice of cushions and rugs. She had a talent and a passion for interior design and Matt knew that Bella would have scored an immediate bulls-eye with her appreciation of it. He wondered if Ben had armed her with the information in advance or if she genuinely loved it.

There was an awkward pause as they all stood around, shuffling from foot to foot. Finally, Ben broke the silence. ‘Well, I’m starving! I hope you’ve made my favourite, Matt.’

Matt grinned back at him, pleased to see how happy and well he looked. ‘’Course I have, mate. Make yourselves at home and I’ll just go and put the finishing touches to it.’

‘I’ll get the drinks,’ Freya chipped in, already turning towards the kitchen. ‘Red or white?’ she threw back over her shoulder.

Bella and Ben exchanged glances. ‘Red for me, just water for Bella. She doesn’t drink.’ Ben nodded encouragingly at Matt as he spoke.

‘Result!’ Matt replied, thinking how fabulous it must be to have a designated driver all the time. He motioned to them to take a seat on the sofa, before following Freya into the kitchen. ‘What do you think?’ he hissed, as he stirred the huge pan of paella he was preparing.

Freya’s head was bowed, as she concentrated on pouring three glasses of wine and a glass of water, so he couldn’t read her expression. ‘She’s stunning-looking.’

‘I hadn’t noticed,’ Matt lied. ‘But she seems very nice, too, doesn’t she?’

‘Hmmm.’ Freya looked up, her large grey-blue eyes clouding slightly. ‘I wish she wasn’t tee-total.’

‘Why?’

Freya grinned sheepishly. ‘It makes me nervous. She’ll be able to remember every second of every drunken evening.’

Matt laughed. ‘Well, she can fill in the blanks for us then!’

Freya pulled a face. ‘That’s what I’m afraid of.’

The evening went better than Matt had dared hope. Any concerns he might have had that Bella wouldn’t be as much fun as Charlotte disappeared almost instantly. She was charming and funny, but more importantly, she was happy to let Ben shine. Ben had always been the life and soul of the party and she had sat back, listening intently and laughing loudly, as he regaled them with hilarious stories.

She asked Matt and Freya lots of questions about themselves and seemed genuinely interested in their answers. At the end of the meal, as they were drinking their coffee, Ben tapped his spoon against his cup in a jokingly self-important way. ‘Bella and I have an announcement!’ he said, slurring slightly.

Matt looked at Freya, who seemed to have sat up a bit straighter, as if steeling herself for a blow.

‘Bella is pregnant!’ Ben reached out and took Bella’s hand in his, as they gazed at each other adoringly.

There was a beat of silence, before Matt spoke. ‘Wha—what?’ he spluttered. ‘Oh my God. That must have been a bit of a shock?’

Ben began to nod but Bella’s voice cut through firmly. ‘No, not at all. We’re delighted, aren’t we, darling?’

‘Of course!’ Ben agreed quickly but Matt could see in his eyes that delight wasn’t the only emotion he was feeling.

‘Congratulations!’ Freya’s voice sounded much higher than usual. ‘That’s lovely news. When are you due?’ Freya was a midwife, so knew all there was to know about pregnancy.

Matt glanced at Freya, curious at her tone, before turning back towards Bella and Ben expectantly.

‘The beginning of January.’ Bella gave a strange little smile. ‘There’s a possibility we might be spending New Year’s Eve in a maternity ward. Maybe it’ll be your ward, Freya!’

Matt watched Ben carefully, noticing that he blanched slightly at Bella’s words and wondered how he must really be feeling. If it was him, he knew he would have very mixed emotions. Yes, Bella was gorgeous and she certainly seemed like a funny, pleasant, intelligent woman. But to have a baby together after such a short period of time felt like an enormous leap of faith.

He and Freya had only recently started discussing whether they should think about starting a family, now that they had celebrated their second wedding anniversary. But they had been together for nine years, so it felt like a natural progression. It would have been the same if Ben had announced that Charlotte was pregnant. But this news was like a sledgehammer, coming out of nowhere.

As Bella looked at her watch and yawned, Ben took the hint and stood up. ‘I suppose we’d better be making a move.’

Matt nodded. ‘Fancy a quick stroll to clear your head first? To the end of the road and back?’ It was traditional with Matt and Ben that after every dinner party, they would take a quick walk to have a furtive smoke and a chat while Charlotte and Freya pretended not to know what they were up to.

Ben nodded enthusiastically. ‘Definitely!’ He looked at Bella. ‘I’ll just be five minutes, darling.’

Bella smiled pleasantly and stood up. ‘Sure. I’ll get my jacket.’

Ben and Matt exchanged confused glances. ‘Um, no need for you to come, too, darling.’ Ben nodded at her reassuringly. ‘We’ll only be a few minutes.’

Bella fixed Ben with a determined stare. ‘I’d like some air, too. Don’t worry, you won’t even know I’m there.’

There was an embarrassed pause, before Ben shrugged apologetically at Matt. The three of them let themselves out of the house and turned into the street. ‘You go on ahead,’ Bella said, hanging back.

‘OK.’ Ben and Matt walked briskly ahead, both of them painfully aware that they were being watched.

Matt took a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket and offered them to Ben. He looked back over his shoulder at Bella, who was walking about twenty paces behind them. ‘Nah, I’d better not,’ he muttered, gesturing backwards.

Matt frowned. ‘She won’t mind you having one, surely?’

Ben pursed his lips. ‘She might.’

Matt put a cigarette between his lips and lit it, earning him a longing glance from Ben. ‘So, what do you reckon then? About the baby?’

‘I’m really happy about it,’ Ben fired back instantly, a note of defiance in his voice.

‘That’s good.’ Matt deliberately left a pause, knowing Ben wouldn’t be able to help filling it.

‘I must admit it was a bit of a shock, though.’

‘I bet.’ Again, Matt left a pause.

Ben glanced back at Bella nervously. ‘I keep thinking about Charlotte and me.’

‘And?’ Matt exhaled a long trail of smoke, which floated up into the still, dark air, before dissipating.

Ben sighed. ‘I think it just wasn’t meant to be. All that time and we never had an accident. First night with Bella and …’

‘Bingo!’ Matt finished the sentence for him.

Ben gave a dry laugh. ‘Yeah. Bingo.’

‘Well, as long as you’re happy about it, I’m pleased for you, mate.’ Matt blew out another long trail of smoke, before stubbing out his cigarette on the pavement.

Together, they turned towards Matt and Freya’s flat. Now in front of them, Bella turned, too, and began to walk slowly back the way they had come.

‘Does she always do that?’

Ben looked at Matt curiously. ‘Do what?’

Matt gestured towards Bella. ‘Follow you everywhere you go.’

Ben laughed. ‘No! ’Course not. I think she did just want some air.’

Matt grinned, feeling slightly stupid. ‘She’s an absolute stunner, mate. You certainly seem to have struck gold there.’

Ben looked up at Bella, who was now waiting for them at the gate to the flat, with shining eyes and a wide smile. ‘Yup,’ he said matching her smile. ‘I certainly did.’

‘So … What did you think?’ Freya pulled on one of Matt’s T-shirts and climbed into bed beside him, wrapping herself around him as she did every night, using his body as a human hot-water bottle.

Matt pulled her towards him so that she was resting her head on his bare chest. He kissed the top of her head, enjoying the smell of her. Not quite perfume. Not quite natural. A heady mix of the two. ‘I like her. She lets him be himself and he seems happy. Let’s face it, it’s been a while since we’ve seen him smile that much.’

Freya nodded but didn’t reply.

‘What about you?’ he prompted, after the silence had stretched just a beat too long. ‘What did you think of her?’

‘Hmmm. Well, she’s lovely-looking and she was friendly enough.’

‘But?’

Freya sighed. ‘But nothing, really. I can’t put my finger on it but there was just something about her that I found a bit unnerving.’

Matt stroked her silky blonde hair. ‘Sure you’re not feeling a teensy bit jealous?’ he teased.

Freya tensed immediately. ‘No!’ she snapped. ‘Why would I be jealous?’

Matt rolled his eyes in the darkness. Talk about putting his foot in it. ‘I’m just teasing. Relax, honey.’

Freya tutted. ‘Well, don’t! No, I’m not jealous of her. She might be beautiful but I think she’s also a bit weird. A bit intense.’

‘It was odd the way she insisted on following us on our walk,’ Matt agreed.

‘Exactly. What did Ben say about her?’

‘He seems happy.’

‘Did he mention Charlotte?’

Matt shifted uncomfortably. He always told Freya everything but wasn’t sure if he was betraying Ben’s confidence in this case. ‘Um, he just said it obviously wasn’t meant to be. That’s all.’

‘Why not? They were together for years. He was going to ask her to marry him.’

‘I know, but …’ Matt paused, trying to find the right words. ‘He thinks it’s a sign that Bella got pregnant almost immediately, whereas he and Charlotte never even had so much as a scare.’

‘Well, we’ve never had so much as a scare either.’ Freya’s voice suddenly sounded very small. ‘I hope you don’t think that means we’re not meant to be?’

‘Don’t be daft!’ Matt gave her shoulder a squeeze. ‘I don’t really share his view that the pregnancy is some kind of miracle …’

‘What, you think she may have deliberately trapped him?’ There was a sudden note of excitement in Freya’s voice.

‘No!’ Matt said quickly, although that was indeed what he thought. ‘But it does seem a bit odd that he would have been taken so much by surprise. He clearly thought she was taking precautions …’

‘Hmmm. It does,’ Freya agreed. ‘I miss Charlotte.’

‘You still see her.’

Freya laughed. ‘I know, but it’s not the same. I miss her being part of our foursome. It was so easy. I never had to check myself with her. I knew she loved me whatever.’

‘You’ll get used to Bella. I’m sure she’ll grow to love you just as much as Charlotte did.’

‘You sound like you’ve got used to her already.’ Freya adopted a sulky tone. ‘That didn’t take long.’

Matt sighed and kissed Freya’s head again. ‘Shut up and go to sleep.’

Chapter Four

Jo twirled in front of Peter. ‘Will I do?’

Peter gazed down at her, his eyes swimming with love. ‘You’ll do very nicely. You look stunning.’

Jo smiled and smoothed down her taupe, fitted dress as she stepped into her high-heeled, nude Louboutins. She had left it until the last possible moment to put them on, as she would be wearing them all day and knew that her feet would be protesting loudly by the time she took them off again tonight.

‘I wish it wasn’t …’ Peter began, before stopping for a second, thinking. ‘It’s not how I imagined Ben’s wedding would be.’

Jo looked up at Peter, handsome in his bespoke dark grey suit. He had been uncharacteristically quiet all morning. Actually, the truth was that he had been quieter in general ever since Ben first brought Bella home. ‘I know you’re not keen on her, but it’s not up to us. She’s Ben’s chosen partner, so we have to just accept her. And he seems happy, doesn’t he?’

‘Does he?’ Peter shot back far too quickly, before checking himself. ‘Yes, I suppose you’re right. He does seem happy enough.’

Jo sighed heavily. ‘Look, Peter … Whatever either of us thinks of her, she’s pregnant, with his child … and they’re getting married. Whatever doubts any of us might have, we need to put them to one side and support them, for Ben’s sake.’

‘Hmmm.’ Again Peter hesitated, his eyes clouding with worry. ‘I know you’re right. I suppose I just wish …’

Jo tilted her head to look at him properly. ‘Wish what?’

‘That it wasn’t her. There, I’ve said it.’ He shrugged apologetically.

Jo wrapped her arms around Peter’s waist and reached up to kiss him. ‘I know. But it is her. I’m sure it’ll all be fine, don’t worry. Now, come on or we’ll be late.’

Downstairs, Ben was sitting in the kitchen with Matt, drinking coffee. Jo gave Matt a hug. ‘Hello, darling, lovely to see you.’

Matt grinned back. Although he was now a fully grown, 30-year-old man, Jo could still see in his face the cheeky little 7-year-old boy she had first met all those years ago, when he and Ben had become friends at primary school. ‘You look lovely, Jo.’

Jo flushed with pride. Matt had spent so much time at their house over the years that he had become like a second son and Jo adored him. ‘Thank you, Matt. And so do you. How is Freya?’

Matt beamed. ‘She’s really well. She’s going to meet us at the registry office.’

Jo had no idea what to expect from today at all. She had always known that when Ben got married, it would be his bride who decided everything. But she felt sure that Charlotte would have at least involved her and Peter in the planning and preparations. Aside from telling them where and when, Bella and Ben had excluded them from any discussions, insisting they wanted to do everything themselves.

‘OK, well, I guess we’d better get going then.’ Jo walked over to Ben and adjusted his tie fractionally. She looked up at him, marvelling at how the years had galloped by – her baby boy, who had struggled to take his first breath, was now this tall, handsome young man about to get married.

The tears pricked at the back of her eyes and she smiled in an exaggerated way to try to quell them. Sometimes she felt as if Ben was at the end of a string connected directly to her heart. He pulled at her in a way that, although she and Emma were incredibly close, Emma had never done. ‘You look so handsome, sweetheart,’ she told him now. ‘Bella is a very lucky girl.’

Ben flashed her a smile that was a mirror image of his father’s but she could see from his dark brown eyes that he was nervous. ‘Thanks, Mum.’

Peter drove the four of them in his Range Rover into the centre of town, where he parked in the car park of the rather ugly Seventies building that housed the registry office.

As she walked into the foyer, Jo spotted Emma, engrossed in an intense conversation with Freya. ‘Hello, girls!’ she called, just slightly too loudly as she approached, in the hope that they wouldn’t think she had been ear-wigging.

Emma and Freya both jumped and looked up at her guiltily. It wasn’t difficult to guess what they had been talking about. Emma stood up and kissed her mother on both cheeks. ‘Hi, Mum, you look fantastic. Love that dress.’

Jo smiled appreciatively. ‘So do you, darling.’ It was true. Emma was a yoga obsessive who rarely ate anything containing sugar, caffeine or wheat. As a result, she had perfect, glowing skin, a toned, flat stomach and blonde hair that gleamed like a sheet of gold to her narrow shoulders. She was wearing a grey fitted dress that showed off her slim figure and long, shapely legs. People often commented that Emma was a Mini-Me of Jo but Jo would always reply that she had never looked anywhere near as good as her pretty daughter.

‘And you look as fabulous as ever, Freya.’ Jo turned towards Matt’s wife and gave her a hug. The thought flitted through her mind that she wished Freya was going to be her new daughter-in-law rather than Bella, but she mentally swatted it away and inwardly chided herself.

‘Where are the boys?’ Emma looked over Jo’s shoulder expectantly.

‘Parking the car.’ As she spoke, Peter, Ben and Matt walked through the door and were immediately enveloped in hugs and kisses by the two girls.

‘Nervous?’ Emma smiled up at her brother.

Ben shook his head firmly. ‘Nope. Just looking forward to it.’

Jo caught Matt and Freya exchanging a look she couldn’t quite read. ‘Well, I think maybe we should go in then?’

Inside the room where the ceremony was taking place, there were already around twenty people, all of them seemingly on Ben’s side of the aisle, seated on the silver chairs that were laid out in rows. There was a small spray of white roses at the end of each row, with a more elaborate floral display at the front and a string quartet playing in one corner. Despite the adornments, Jo couldn’t help feeling a sag of disappointment at the unexciting surroundings. As Peter had said earlier, it wasn’t what she had envisioned for Ben’s wedding.

Jo made her way to the front, looking nervously towards Bella’s side of the room, which was empty, except for one woman, who Jo could see instantly was Bella’s mother. She had suggested to Bella that maybe they should have a pre-wedding dinner, so that they could meet each other before the big day but Bella had curtly rebuffed the idea, saying they were not sociable people and would be quite happy to meet on the day. Now that she knew that only Bella’s mother would be attending, Jo could understand why Bella had been so reticent.

Bella’s mother looked up as Jo approached. She looked a little careworn and nervous but she still had enough of her beauty to confirm where Bella had inherited it from. She had shoulder-length, very dark brown hair, smattered with grey, and large brown, slightly hooded eyes. She shot Jo an uneasy smile and stood up. ‘Hello. You must be Ben’s mother …?’

‘Jo,’ Jo replied, reaching back to take Peter’s arm. ‘And this is my husband, Peter.’

Bella’s mother nodded knowingly. ‘Of course. I can see the resemblance! I’m Lynda.’

Peter shook her hand, before they shuffled into their seats beside Ben and Matt.

‘Who’s giving her away?’ Peter hissed as they sat down.

‘No one, apparently. Bella insisted that she didn’t belong to anyone and therefore she was perfectly capable of giving herself away.’

Peter raised an eyebrow. ‘That bodes well. Still, I suppose if the father’s not on the scene, then it makes some sort of sense.’ Bella had always shut down any conversation relating to her father and Ben had told them simply that he hadn’t been around since she was small.

Jo glanced again over to Bella’s side of the room and she felt a stab of guilt. Ben’s side was almost full. ‘Should we ask some of ours to move over?’ she whispered.

But before Peter could reply, the string quartet struck up with the wedding march and it was too late.

All eyes turned expectantly towards the back of the room, as Bella appeared, walking serenely and confidently down the centre of the aisle, clutching a simple bouquet of velvety white roses with both hands. Jo’s breath caught. She had never seen anyone look quite so exquisitely perfect, as Bella made her way up the aisle towards Ben. Her dress was a cleverly cut style, that clung to her slim figure, yet concealed any sign of a bump. Her long, dark hair shone in loose waves over her shoulders and her subtle make-up only emphasized the dramatic loveliness of her features.

Jo glanced at Ben, who was gazing at Bella adoringly. Their eyes were locked onto each other with such intensity that it felt almost intrusive to be watching. As she drew level with Ben, Bella reached out and took Ben’s hand, still holding his gaze.

Jo nodded to herself. Whatever she felt about Bella, there was no doubting the connection between her and Ben. They all needed to accept now that they were together and support them, instead of dwelling on ‘what ifs’ and unanswered questions.

After the short wedding service, they drove to the smart country restaurant where they were having the reception. It was an embarrassingly one-sided affair, with Bella’s mother the only representative of her family. Jo made a bee-line for Lynda and tried to engage her in conversation, to see if she could find out anything more about her new daughter-in-law, but Lynda was just as evasive on the subject of her background as Bella. ‘Is Bella’s father still alive?’ she ventured, hoping that she would learn something a bit more illuminating than the ‘he’s not on the scene’ that she got from Ben.

Lynda’s face remained impassive. ‘I believe so. We haven’t seen him since Bella was very young.’

Intrigued, Jo nodded encouragingly. ‘Oh, so you’re divorced?’

Lynda’s eyes slid away and she pointed to Ben and Bella, who were mingling with the guests as they waited for dinner to be served. ‘Don’t they make a lovely couple? Ben is a wonderful man.’

Jo acknowledged the pointed change of subject, before following Lynda’s gaze, feeling suffused with pride at hearing her son described in such glowing terms. ‘Thank you. And yes, they do make a lovely couple. Bella is certainly the most beautiful bride I think I’ve ever seen.’

Lynda smiled but Jo noticed that the smile didn’t reach her eyes. She had the same invisible barrier that Bella had, when discussing anything personal, and she sensed that they weren’t at all close.

After chatting for a while longer and getting nothing more than vague platitudes out of Lynda, Jo excused herself and headed over to Emma. ‘Hi, darling, I’ve just been speaking to Bella’s mum. I wanted to see if I could get any more out of her about Bella’s background but she’s even more of a closed book than Bella.’

Emma nodded. ‘I know. I tried to speak to her, too, but I got the impression Bella’s got her well-trained and she didn’t dare give anything away.’

Jo felt a niggle of discomfort and foreboding. Again, she wished that Ben had gone for someone who was a bit more open and a lot more friendly. Like Charlotte, she thought, before mentally scolding herself for such a treacherous wish.