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Kitabı oku: «Anecdotes of the Learned Pig», sayfa 4

Yazı tipi:

“Sacred to ridicule his whole life long,
“And the ſad burden of ſome merry ſong.”

Where he inſults therefore the mighty dead, his rage is at leaſt natural; and when, to wound Pope, he ſuborns the tongue of a ¹⁵ kitchen wench, he preſerves, however, a nice proportion between his end and his means, doing, with very ſingular propriety, the baſeſt thing in, what muſt be allowed to be, the loweſt way. But we abſtain, we affect not gravity, we even forget his almoſt felonious attack upon Milton, and proceed. We have already noted the facility with which our learned Pig could ſay Ay. It was a great accompliſhment; but he had alſo his defects.¹⁶ No art, no inſtruction could ever bring him to make a tolerable bow, or indeed to practice any civil grimace whatever; and his higheſt approach, in this way, towards humanity, never went farther than to entitle him, from the moſt exquiſite judge, to the character of a very reſpectable Hottentot: and hence he became at laſt to be conſidered as a very great¹⁷ Bore; under which diſgrace he retired to a brewery in the Borough. – Happy retirement! for here he was fed with the freſheſt grains by the fair hand of a lady, who condeſcended to become the prieſteſs of our Pig; a lady who had acquired the Greek language without loſing her own, and whoſe manners and latinity were both equally pure. How great therefore muſt have been his grief, when he afterwards ſaw his fair provider melt away into the arms of a ſoft, but doubtleſs ſinewy Signor, and bathe herſelf, as it is yet her fortune to do, in the voluptuous warmths of Italy. But her’s, however be the praiſe, that, compoſed of gentle paſſions, ſhe conſcientiouſly ſacrificed, at thirty-eight, fortune, freedom, and England, only to legalize her delights. Never in any future period may ſhe be repentant of her choice, but always find in the joys of harmony a compenſation for the decays of love. From the fair hand of this lady our Pig was not only fed with the fineſt grains, but with the choiceſt green peas alſo, the earlieſt of the year – delicious food, as he himſelf confeſſes – for a¹⁸ Pig. By her too was prepared for him the moſt inviting draff, which he ſwilled up at all hours with huge avidity and delight. But the lady had her humours; ſhe grew tired of one thing, and fond of another; ſhe ſought, upon preſſing inducements, the great rendezvous of Bath; and ſo the joys of the brewery had an end. Many were of opinion, (for who can pleaſe all,) that a certain diſtillery in the neighbourhood would have been a more apt and proper retreat for our Pig; – but there were difficulties; I enter not into domeſtic affairs; but whether there was any whiggiſm, or rivalſhip, or jealouſy, or what elſe in the caſe, I know not; but certain it is, that Sir Joſeph and he could never, as they ought, well pig together. During the happy period above mentioned, it came into the fancy of our Pig to journey into Scotland in the character of a travelling bear, with a ragged ſtaff in his paws, and a¹⁹ monkey on his back. When he firſt obtained a penſion, he had been very affectionately conſidered by the people of that country, and in a manner naturalized, and become one of them; but he diſcovered ſoon afterwards, and more particularly on this occaſion, ſo much of the badger in his diſpoſition, that they found great reaſon to complain of the ſtrength and harſhneſs of his jaw. On his return he reſorted again to his beloved brewery, as yet profuſe of grains and draff, where he grunted forth, as was his cuſtom, many ſtrange and ſingular things, faithfully now on record, pretending alſo to cure certain mental diſeaſes by the medicinal qualities of his tongue; but its extreme roughneſs the ſenſibility of his patients could not bear. Enough has been ſaid; the reſt ſhall be left to Bozzy. Yet we will add, that with all his peculiarities, he had virtues and merits enough to make us heartily wiſh he were ſtill in being: – But, alas, it is paſt, and he is now cutting up into junks, to be ſold pro bono publico at nine different ſhops in retail.

15.Moſt of what can be told concerning his petty peculiarities was communicated by a female domeſtic of the Earl of Oxford, who knew him, perhaps, after the middle of life. – Johnſon’s Lives of the Poets, 8vo. vol. 4, p. 141.

16.And yet certain it is that no pains was ſpared for this purpoſe; for “my mother (ſaid he) was always telling me that I did not behave myſelf; that I ſhould endeavour to learn behaviour, and ſuch cant.” Indeed his defect in this particular could not be overlooked by his moſt partial admirer; for “I ſuppoſe none (ſays ſhe) who ſaw his odd manner of geſticulation, much blamed or wondered at the good lady’s ſolicitude concerning her ſon’s behaviour.” – Piozzi’s Memoirs of Johnſon, p. 24 and 25.

17.Cant words are uſually begot in a cellar by fun upon folly: but the word bore and boar has another origin; it was begot on a ſofa by Madamoiſelle Ennui upon herſelf, and brought forth into the world in the midſt of the ton. The roar and fury of the river Severn the people of the country call the boar. A female ſaint was reported miraculouſly to have ſhed tears: the fact was denied by a Madrid carpenter who had made the ſaint, “becauſe (ſays he) ſhe is not only compoſed of heart of oak, but if ſhe had been at all diſpoſed to weep, ſhe muſt have wept when I bored an aperture with my largeſt augre in her rump.” And thus teazing and vexation of every kind may be called a bore. A dun is a bore, and a ſermon is a bore, and ſo forth; but the greateſt of all poſſible bores, in whatever ſpelling, is a huſband, a bore at night, a bore in the morning, and, in ſhort, one general univerſal bore. Our author has uſed this faſhionable word with the moſt perfect propriety, in a ſenſe ſatisfying the very letter, as well as ſpirit of the word.

18.When we went into Wales together, and ſpent ſome time at Sir Robert Cotton’s at Llewenney, one day at dinner I meant to pleaſe Mr. Johnſon particularly with a diſh of very young peas. – “Are not they charming?” ſaid I to him, while he was eating them. – “Perhaps (ſaid he) they would be ſo – to a Pig.” – Piozzi, p. 63.

19.This paſſage ſeems inexplicable. We have had reſort to Bozz, but in vain: the ſtaff, indeed, he readily acknowledged; but as to the other aſſociate, or who, or what was meant, neither he nor we were able to diſcover.