Kitabı oku: «Trapped», sayfa 5
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Maggie tucked a sleeping Harley into bed as she looked around the tired room. The woodchip wallpaper had been painted several times, yet it did very little to disguise the damp seeping through the walls, looking like dark angry clouds against a sky of pink. There was a section of the wallpaper which was peeling off completely, and had been patched up by Harley’s colourful abstract pictures.
The view from the tiny window looked out onto rows of monolithic grey tower blocks overlooking Tottenham Court Road. And with a heavy heart, Maggie knew this was where Harley had called home for nearly thirteen months. She was past furious.
Kissing her sleeping daughter on her head, Maggie looked once more at her, not quite believing they were finally reunited. She’d washed Harley’s hair and now it lay in beautiful blonde ringlets on her pillow rather than the matted hair she’d been greeted with earlier. Her face was tiny with rounded cheeks, though worryingly they were less round than they had been a year ago. Her freckles almost looked painted on, splayed perfect tiny brown dots spread across her tiny button nose. She was nothing short of perfect.
Quietly, Maggie closed the door. Giving up smoking hadn’t lasted. She lit up a cigarette, hungrily inhaling the smoke deep inside her lungs, trying to calm herself down. Hoping to stop her head from racing but more importantly, her temper from rising.
The television in the small lounge was on but the sound was turned off and Gina Daniels sat in the tatty burgundy chair in the corner. Maggie pulled a face in revulsion as Gina crammed another bite of the fried egg sandwich into her already full mouth. The egg dribbled out onto her lips, onto her chin and all over her fingers. Unabashed, Gina sucked the runny yellow spillage noisily.
Maggie stared at Gina who seemed deep in thought. She had to find a way to get Harley out of the flat but at the moment she didn’t have anywhere to take her. She couldn’t take her anywhere near home; even being on the other side of Oxford Street was really too close for Maggie’s liking.
In her family only her mum and Nicky knew about Harley and, until her daughter was much older and able to fend for herself, that was the way Maggie was going to keep it.
When she’d first discovered she was pregnant she’d been beside herself with excitement. She hadn’t thought she’d feel that way, especially as having children had never been high up on her list of priorities.
Her mother had casually raised her eyebrows when she’d told her, as if to say she didn’t expect anything different. Then when she’d told her the full story, the casually raised eyebrows had turned into a worried furrow. ‘Maggie, be careful. I’m so scared for you.’ Maggie had watched her mum tremble in fear and the surge of hatred towards her father had hit her once again. She’d taken her mother in her arms, trying to comfort her, trying to reassure her it’d be fine. Though she herself hadn’t known how it would be. ‘It’s okay, Mum. I’ll make it okay. I promise.’
The next person she’d told had been Nicky. He was the only other member of her family she really trusted. Telling Tommy hadn’t even come into the equation. He was lost to himself and over the years her elder brother had become lost to her. She’d tried to reach out but whenever she did, Maggie sensed a dark and powerful rage coming from him which frightened her, not for herself but for him.
When she’d been three months pregnant her mother had come up with a workable idea. She was going to pretend she was looking at a stretch. It hadn’t been difficult to convince anyone. Nobody had cared or questioned it. Her father had just sniffed when she’d told him she was looking at ten months inside for handling stolen credit cards. No one else had said anything or had even been concerned. Even though she hadn’t really been going away, Maggie had found the reaction painful, but it’d still been the perfect alibi.
She’d rented a poky room in Brighton and far from being lonely, she’d enjoyed the time away. The feeling of Harley growing inside her had been exciting and beautiful. It’d felt fresh and pure, unlike the rest of her life. Of course she’d missed Soho, it was in her blood, but her mother and Nicky had visited. There’d been days when they’d just walked on the beach together, eating fish and chips, enjoying each other’s company. Simple but so very rare. A world away from the heaving streets of Soho.
After Harley had been born everything had become slightly trickier. It’d taken a lot of juggling but Maggie had wanted to get back to Soho. Everything she’d ever known was there. It was the tie that bound.
Her mother was there who needed her; had always and would always need her. And though there were times Maggie wanted to run and keep running, taking Harley far away to build another life, she knew she couldn’t. Because there was no one else to protect her mother. Maggie was trapped. In a way they all were.
Nicky had found a flat to rent in Holborn for her. Far enough away from Soho, but near enough to be there each day.
Between her, her mother and her mother’s cousin, they’d looked after Harley, keeping her safe. At first everyone had found it difficult, paranoid someone would get suspicious, but after a time Maggie had realised once more that nobody gave a damn what she did with her life. They were all too busy not giving a damn about their own to worry about anyone else’s.
It’d all been going so well until the day she’d been nicked. Then bucket loads of shit had hit the proverbial fan. Not that she’d known at the time. When she’d been sentenced she’d made a phone call to Harley’s father begging him to make it right, and he’d told her he would. ‘Between us it’ll be fine. Put your head down, do your time. Okay? And Maggie … I love you.’
His words however had fallen short of anything remotely resembling the promise made. Nicky’s habit decided it was more important than his niece. Her mother’s cousin needed to go back to Ireland. Her mother had tried – though Maggie didn’t know how hard – but failed to get away from the house enough without raising suspicion. So that’d only left one person. The one person Maggie thought she could rely on. Yet he’d let her down. More to the point, he’d let their daughter down.
Sitting in the drab smoke-filled flat, it became clear to Maggie why Harley’s father hadn’t helped. It was for one reason and one reason only. He just didn’t care. Maggie Donaldson realised like all the other people in her life, Johnny Taylor didn’t give a damn.
‘I want you to start from the beginning, Gina. I want you to tell me why my daughter’s spent the last year in this dive with you. And why she looked so filthy, with holes in her clothes. And believe me, I’m not in the mood for any of your games.’
‘Bleeding charming I’m sure. No thank you for looking after my child when nobody else wanted her, Gina. Just abuse. I don’t know why I bothered.’
‘Don’t pretend you’re doing this from the good of your heart. I know you. You wouldn’t even bother sleeping if you didn’t think there was something in it for you. Come on Gina, what are you getting out of it?’
‘Nothing apart from bleeding grief. I expected a bunch of flipping Interflora to thank me for what I’d done, not the Spanish bleedin’ inquisition. I kept me mouth shut didn’t I? Christ alone knows I’ve looked after her as if she was one of my own.’
‘Your kids were put into care, Gina.’
‘Well I still say that wasn’t my fault. How was I supposed to know they’d knock on the neighbour’s door when they ran out of milk. I was only gone for five bleeding days, and anyway that’s beside the point. I’m telling you, Maggie, I’ve done nothing but put your kid first. At times over this past year, I’ve looked in the mirror and instead of seeing meself I saw bleedin’ mother Theresa staring back at me.’
Maggie shook her head, amazed at Gina’s audacity. It was clear she hadn’t and didn’t care about Harley.
‘Enough, Gina. I want the truth and I’m only going to ask you one more time. What was in it for you?’
‘Well I’ll tell you this; I went short for looking after your girl. There were times I …’
‘Stick to the story Gina.’
Gina looked at Maggie indignantly, then continued.
‘From what I gather some soft cow from the sauna had been looking after Harley, you know the sort, thinks taking kids to museums and making cack with them they see on CBeebies will do them good.’
Maggie raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything. The woman sounded better than Gina.
‘Anyhow, her old man got himself nicked for smuggling in a truck load of tobacco. He’s on remand in Maidstone, looking at five years. So of course daft cow decided to move down there. And of course it’s not like Johnny could just go to a nanny agency. He could hardly trust a stranger to keep her mouth shut, with all that goes on in his business could he? So he was desperate. And me being me, when Nicky told me the story of the poor little mite, I couldn’t not offer to help. What with me loving kids and all.’
Gina noticed Maggie’s glare and, realising she may have laid the Mary Poppins part on a bit too thick, changed tack.
‘Johnny sorted Nicky out with a few bob. Nicky passed it onto me but that’s all it was most of the time. A few bob. I didn’t know a kid could cost so much. So you see Maggie, when it boils down to it, it was all from the good of my heart.’
‘And you’re telling me you didn’t slip some in your pocket? That’s unlike you, Gina. Goes against the nature of your beast don’t it?’
‘If anything slipped in me pocket it was a pile full of bills and a packet of headache tablets.’
‘Gina, I’m going to check with Nicky and if he tells me something different then you and I will be having more than just a chat.’
‘He’ll say the same. The only person who probably won’t is Johnny. No doubt he’ll pretend he was giving us the readies by the handful. But he’ll be lying.’
‘And why would he do that? Why should I think it’s you and not him who’ll tell me the truth?’
‘Then where is he? Where’s he been for the last year? I know I haven’t seen him. He’s been happy to palm Harley off.’
Maggie shifted uncomfortably in her chair. This didn’t go unnoticed by Gina. She continued to put the boot in, wanting to put more doubt in Maggie’s head.
‘I’m sorry Maggie but I don’t need to spell it out. You can see for yourself. I’ve been doing my bleeding best but I won’t lie, it’s been a struggle. The reason Johnny will probably say he’s been giving us more than he has is because he’s ashamed. Ashamed he hasn’t done enough. If I were you I wouldn’t say a word to him. Speak to Nicky instead. The last thing I want is trouble knocking on my door.’
Gina stopped then added slyly, ‘And if there’s trouble, then maybe I’d have to rethink about having Harley here. And what would you do then eh, Maggie? Who else would keep their mouth shut the way I’ve done? But of course sometimes it takes a little, how should I say it? A little extra incentive to keep mouths shut. I was only saying to Sonya the other day how I need to get myself a pair of new shoes.’
There was a long silence. Then Maggie leaned forward. She was close enough to smell Gina’s foul breath. Her blue eyes darkened as she spoke in a whisper.
‘Gina. I hope you’re not trying to blackmail me. You’d be very silly to do that.’
‘Blackmail! Phew, Maggie Donaldson, what an imagination. Wherever did you get that idea from?’
Gina Daniels wrinkled up her face, pretending to be hurt by the accusations. The last thing she wanted to do was piss Maggie off. She knew Maggie’s temper. The whole of Soho did. She’d been silly to say that to Maggie but Gina had a habit of always pushing things further, hoping to see what else she could get out of a situation.
She was onto a good thing. Gina and Nicky had worked things out nicely between themselves. She didn’t need little Miss Maggie May and her spoilt goon of a boyfriend ruining things.
She needed to play things carefully. It was the easiest bit of money she’d made in a long time. The kid was no problem. Most of the times she just sat in her room holding onto her stuffed rabbit or she’d be colouring and cutting up endless pieces of paper.
For a three year old she wasn’t any bother, but if she ever did become a bother, she wouldn’t hesitate to give Harley a hard slap. Hard enough to show her who’s boss, but soft enough for it not to show. One thing Gina wasn’t, was stupid.
CHAPTER TWELVE
It was coming into the early hours of the morning and Johnny Taylor looked at his phone. The five texts on his mobile were still unopened, still sitting in his inbox. They were all from Maggie. He couldn’t bring himself to read them. He knew what they’d say. He wouldn’t blame her. But what was he supposed to do? It was complicated. In fact it was impossible. And now his father had been stabbed by Max, the situation had become hopeless.
Sitting outside Whispers club in Old Compton Street, Johnny pulled his Armani jacket tightly around him. The night air was cool, which he was grateful for. Soho in the summer became oppressive. It was also clearing his head, but he could still feel the excess alcohol in his blood, and he sensed it wouldn’t take much for his head to start to ache again.
Johnny continued to sit on the metal chair, enjoying the lights of Soho against the cloudless night sky, aware there was a huge city beyond the other side of the buildings, yet the intimacy of the area made him always feel there was no other place he’d rather be.
He blew out a ring of smoke and slightly choked as it caught the back of his throat. He watched the crowds of people congregating outside the late night opening pubs, smoking their cigarettes, finishing off their beers. Standing around in short sleeved shirts and t-shirts. Feeling the chill of the air, but guarded against the full severity of the cool summer night by the warmth of the alcohol.
It’d been a crazy twenty-four hours. First his father with Max. Then Maggie. The reason he’d gone on his bender in the first place. The woman he loved but was supposed to hate.
If the circumstances had ever been likely to get better, if he’d ever been brave enough to try to broach the subject of their relationship with his parents, it definitely wasn’t going to happen now. There’d be all-out war. Once again he and Maggie would be stuck in the middle as they’d always been – and now Harley was stuck in the middle of it too.
Thinking of his daughter made Johnny flinch. After Thelma, the ex-Tom from the sauna, had moved to be near her old man in Maidstone, it’d all gone tit over head. He’d been lucky to find someone like her in the first place and it would be impossible to find anyone to replace her. So then it’d become complicated, and Johnny Taylor didn’t like complicated. He wasn’t very good at it.
All his life his parents had sorted everything out for him. He’d never needed to make any real decisions. Even when Harley was born he didn’t really need to worry, as Maggie had been happy to sort out all the day-to-day care of the baby, and he’d been happy to sort out the cash. Cash was the easy part. But difficult, complicated responsibility, he didn’t know how to do.
The problem was Thelma had been perfect. She was like Mary Poppins, taking Harley all over London; to zoos, to parks, to museums. Making cakes, painting pictures and always making sure Harley was beautifully dressed. And his daughter had been happy. The only other person he’d ever seen shower so much love on a child was his own mother when he was a child.
He’d been grateful to Thelma but Thelma had also been grateful to him. She’d gone from being shagged up the arse by strangers and giving ten pound blow jobs to being paid to spend her time going out on day trips in the company of his angelic little girl.
When she’d left he’d panicked. He’d even offered her ten grand to stay, but she’d been adamant she wanted to go to Maidstone. And there was no one else. In Johnny’s world strangers weren’t to be trusted. There was no way he could bring someone in who didn’t have a life like himself, who didn’t know the score. It could easily mean having the whistle blown – not only on himself but on his father’s businesses as well. There was no way he could’ve taken the risk.
He’d talked the problem over with Nicky who’d told him not to worry. Within a couple of hours he’d come back to him, telling him he’d sorted it. Sorted it in the shape of Gina Daniels.
Harley had been so upset when he’d taken her to meet Gina, who was a world away from the warm colourful cockney character of Thelma. He hadn’t been able to handle it. Didn’t know how to make it better for his daughter. So what he’d done, to his shame, was hand a crying Harley over then and there in the street, rather than take her to Gina’s to settle her in as planned.
He hadn’t bothered going to see her, even though he’d promised Maggie he’d help look after her. Though it wasn’t so much that he hadn’t been bothered, it was just he couldn’t cope with seeing his daughter upset. Begging him to let her go and stay with Auntie Thelma. All he wanted was for her to be happy. But Maggie wouldn’t see it like that. Maggie would see it as him palming Harley off to Gina Daniels and pretended she didn’t exist.
Johnny was a hard man in the eyes of many. Not a lot of Soho would cross him. He was the next generation of faces. But when it’d come down to standing up for his own, for his then, three year old daughter, he’d been weak. Hell, he’d been pathetic.
‘Hiding from someone?’
Johnny turned to see Saucers standing directly behind him. She looked as bad as he felt. Her hair was matted on one side of her head and even though Johnny knew she’d got up with him earlier on in the day, she looked as if she’d just rolled out of bed.
She had the same clothes on as the night before; a short black mini skirt barely skimming the cheeks of her backside, a tight grey top two sizes too small and a cropped white faux leather jacket on. It was clear as day to anyone what she did, as clear as if she’d had it branded on her forehead.
‘Who am I supposed to be hiding from?’
‘You tell me darling. I’m not the one with the complicated love life. My only love sprung from my only hate, too early seen unknown and known too late.’
Johnny shook his head. He didn’t need his head filled with Saucer’s crap now. ‘Do me a favour and keep it closed. I can’t be listening to any of your shit now.’
‘Shit? Johnny Taylor, go wash your mouth out with soap, you’ll have Bill twirling in his bleeding grave. I take it you haven’t seen Maggie yet?’
‘No, and to tell you the truth it’s killing me, but spare me the quotations.’
Saucers cackled and Johnny smiled at her warmly, watching as she took the novel she was carrying from under her arm to squash it into her tatty black bag. As much as he hated anybody knowing his business, he was grateful he could talk about it with Saucers if he needed to.
She’d found out when she’d caught them together after he’d sneaked Maggie into one of his father’s clip joints before opening hours. As he’d been the only one with the keys, he’d naturally presumed they’d be alone there and hadn’t counted on Saucers sticking her beak up from nowhere. When she’d walked into the main bar, he’d been shocked and hadn’t known what to say but as always, Saucers had made up for that. ‘Fuck me, this is a turn up for the books. A pair of star cross’d lovers. Romeo and Juliet in case you’re wondering Johnny, and standing here seeing the look on your boat race, I’d say you’ll be the one playing Juliet.’
He’d opened his mouth to say something but hadn’t known quite what, so he’d stood in the middle of the clip joint with his mouth hanging open and staring at Saucers like some fucking simpleton. ‘Stop being such a bleeding girl, Johnny. I ain’t going to say anything. You know me, I’m all for a little romance.’
‘Listen Saucers, I’m telling you, if this ever gets out, I’ll …’
‘Oh there’s no need to bring your flipping big guns out and start chomping on your bollocks. I told you, there’s no need to worry. I won’t say a bleeding thing; you have my word.’
And she’d been true to it. At first he’d kept her under his radar. Keeping close to her, making sure she didn’t start talking, but then before long he’d found it was him who’d done the talking. Confiding in her, telling her about Harley when Maggie had been banged up. She’d tried to tell him to do the right thing but he hadn’t wanted to listen. ‘Johnny, you need to sort out your kid. You can’t have that sponge Gina look after her. For fuck’s sake, you promised Maggie.’
‘I said I didn’t want to talk about it.’
‘Yeah you might not want to but you have to.’
He’d got mad then and said things he’d regretted.
‘Don’t fucking push it, Saucers. When I want advice of a frigging whore, I’ll ask for it. Until then, unlike your cunt, keep it shut.’
Saucers had looked devastated. She’d been right in what she’d said but over the year he’d managed to push her words and the hurt in her eyes – as well as his promise to Maggie – out of his head, though she hadn’t held it against him and continued to be friends. Worse still, he’d pushed Harley out of it as well, getting on with what he did best; being Johnny Taylor. And that had all been fine until Saucers had reminded him that Maggie was coming home.
Johnny smiled at Saucers as she brought her chair next to him, breaking his thoughts. Without asking she cadged a cigarette out of the box of Camel lying on the table.
‘To tell you the truth, I don’t know what to do, Saucers.’
‘You could try talking to her.’
Before he could answer, Johnny saw the tall handsome figure of Tommy Donaldson walking towards them. He felt Saucers tap him on his knee frantically, as if she was the only one aware of the looming presence of Tommy standing less than a meter away.
Johnny carried on smoking his cigarette as he locked eyes with Tommy; not wanting to break away, careful not to show any weakness. He saw Tommy smile, a dark cold smirk.
‘How’s Daddy?’
Johnny leapt up, knocking Saucers out of the way as she tried to grab his jacket to hold him back. The two men faced up to each other with Tommy standing slightly smaller at six foot two, though standing just as tall and menacing in stature. They ignored the worried glances of the passers-by and stood motionless, each waiting for the other to make a move.
‘What’s the problem Johnny? Don’t want to take me? Too afraid you’ll end up like your old man?’
Johnny curled up his lip in scorn.
‘No, Tommy you’ve got me mixed up with yourself mate. I’m not the one who’s afraid. You don’t see me pissing myself in a corner when I hear my old man’s voice.’
Tommy’s face blanched. The humiliation crossed his face and Johnny could’ve kicked himself. He was fuming with Tommy for taking the rib out of his father being stabbed, but that didn’t mean he could throw that in his face. Maggie had told him in confidence when they were having a heart-to-heart. Now like a chump and certainly not for the first time, he’d just broken her trust. He could see Tommy was still reeling from what he’d said and as he was about to say something else, he heard a familiar voice behind him.
‘Why don’t you just shut your mouth, Johnny?’
Johnny swivelled round to see Maggie Donaldson’s beautiful face distorted with anger. She turned away from him and called to her brother as she saw him start to walk away.
‘Tommy … wait. Tommy I want to talk to you … please.’
Johnny saw the hurt appear in Maggie’s eyes as Tommy ignored her and disappeared into the Soho night, leaving Maggie to vent her anger on him.
‘Maggie, Jesus, it’s good to see you. I … I was going to call but … ’
He trailed off, knowing whatever came out of his mouth would sound hollow. He glanced at Saucers for some help who only smiled weakly at both of them, before diplomatically hurrying off down Old Compton Street.
Clearing his throat, Johnny tried again, wanting to apologise for what he’d said to Tommy. ‘Listen babe, what I said to Tommy, I wasn’t thinking. You know I didn’t mean anything by it.’
‘Story of your life, Johnny. Always saying stuff you don’t mean. Like saying you’d make sure Harley was alright, but you never meant anything by that either did you? Answer me this. Have you even seen her once since she’s been with Gina?’
Johnny put his head down, not wanting to admit he hadn’t, but not wanting to tell a blatant lie either which he knew Maggie would’ve known was untrue. So he’d stayed silent.
‘I take it from the look on your face you haven’t. Then you wouldn’t know what a state she’s in. She looks a mess, Johnny. What were you thinking, giving her to Gina to look after?’
‘She’s okay though, ain’t she?’
His words sent Maggie into an angry hissing rant.
‘Okay? No she ain’t okay. How could she be with Gina? Would you want to be stuck with her? Jesus, a fart can’t escape from Gina Daniels quick enough. But if you mean, is she alive? Well yeah she is, but okay she ain’t. I needed you to help her. She needed you to. I will never forgive you for this.’
‘Listen, I don’t want to talk here.’
Johnny looked round nervously but Maggie was beyond caring at that point. ‘What are you afraid of, Johnny? Someone seeing us together and they rumble your secret life? Then your perfect world comes crashing in on you?’
‘It’s not just my neck on the block if anyone finds out is it Maggie? It’s Harley’s too.’
‘Don’t you dare, Johnny. Don’t you dare pretend you’re concerned about her.’
Johnny’s face darkened and he grabbed her arm as she turned to walk away. ‘Think you’re so flipping perfect don’t you Maggie? Like butter wouldn’t melt, the way you look down your nose at me. Well if you’re so much better than the rest of us, why didn’t you keep that big mouth of yours closed? Keep that temper of yours in check. But oh no, you couldn’t do that could you? You had to prove a point and lay one out on a copper. So stop judging me, Maggie. Ask yourself instead why you didn’t have more self-control. If you love our daughter as much as you say you do, why did you find yourself doing bird for a year?’
His words cut. She knew what Johnny was saying was true. Here she was going round being all high and mighty but she was to blame for all this. When Maggie had been in Highpoint she’d opened her eyes every morning, seeing the metal bars on the windows and she’d asked herself the same question: why?
‘I hate you Johnny Taylor, you know that?’
He pulled her then, towards Whispers nightclub, looking around anxiously as he did so. Wanting to make sure nobody saw them.
Johnny took her down by the side of the club and firmly – but without hurting her – pushed Maggie against the cold red brick of the wall. Leaning on it with his hands on either side of her he stood inches away, looking down at her, her eye level only coming up to his chest.
Maggie smelt his expensive cologne and felt the heat of his body. He stared at her intently with his beautiful eyes and his raven hair flopping handsomely over his forehead.
‘Don’t say that to me Maggie. Never say you hate me.’
‘I’ll say what I want Johnny, especially if I mean it.’
‘You don’t mean it; it’s just that flipping temper of yours talking.’
‘Well that’s where you’re wrong. I do.’
‘Then look me in the eyes Maggie and tell me.’
She stared at him and he leaned in to kiss her. For a moment she let him and she forgot. Forgot her anger, her problems, her life – only remembering her love for the man she’d been taught to despise. Then the moment, like the clouds in the sky, passed and everything came flooding back. Maggie pushed him away, locking eyes with him. She spoke angrily.
‘Yes Johnny, I do. I do hate you.’
The pain was obvious in his eyes but so was the pain in Harley’s when she’d told her she had to stay with Gina for a little bit longer until she worked something out. Thinking about her daughter made Maggie reject any pleading from Johnny. He was a grown man and he’d soon get over it. Harley was a child who needed her. Trusted her.
Harley came first above and beyond anyone else.
‘You can’t hate me, Maggie.’
‘Why can’t I, Johnny?’
He gently touched her face again, but this time Maggie pulled away from his touch. She walked away as Johnny continued to talk. ‘I’ll tell you why you can’t hate me, Maggie – because I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. And secondly … secondly, because you’re my wife.’
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