Kitabı oku: «The Complete Christmas Collection», sayfa 31

Chapter Eleven

Divorce Settlement Agreement.

Logan smoothed his fingertips over the words. The papers crinkled under his touch, the edges worn. He bent them in half then folded them over. Once, twice then a third time, and returned the bundle to the dresser.

The action had become a habit over the past week. One he’d undertaken every night before crawling into an empty bed and every morning when he finally gave up chasing sleep to face the day.

The day. God help him. The things kept coming. Rolling in with the sun, spanning what seemed like thousands of hours and hanging on through the darkness. A darkness he failed to find relief in.

He ached for Amy. His chest burned for her and his hands turned numb from clenching empty air every time he reached for her in the night. Every part of him wanted to follow her but the heavy weight in his chest held him hostage where he stood.

Logan sighed and dragged a hand over his face. Every day, he tried to make himself go and bring Amy back. And, every day, he failed.

“Uncle Logan?”

He spun from the dresser to find the boys hovering in the bedroom doorway. Jayden picked at the legs of his jeans and Kayden peeked up at him with a concerned expression. The same one he’d worn every afternoon for the past week as he’d followed him close, at Logan’s heels around the ranch after school.

“Hey.” Logan cleared the husky note from his voice and strived for a cheerful tone. “You two are up early for a Sunday.”

Jayden nodded, hands clutching his hat in front of his waist. “We asked Uncle Dominic to get us up. We wanna help you with the horses today.”

“You sure you want to spend your day off school working? It’ll be a long one.”

“Yes, sir,” Kayden said.

Jayden put his hat on his head, straightening the brim with both hands, and stuck out his chest. “We promised Aunt Amy we’d take care of Thunder for her.” He tried for a smile but it drooped at the corners. “So, can we help?”

Logan nodded. “There’s nothing I’d like more.”

He crossed the room and held out his hands. They latched on to them and they took their time making their way to the stables, just as they had every afternoon over the past week.

Winter was in full swing and this morning was no exception. The January air whipped through their clothes with cold gusts of wind as they strolled down the winding path, flushing Kayden’s cheeks and making Jayden shiver. Logan stopped, bending to fasten the top button on their jean jackets and tug their hats down firmer around their ears.

“We’re all right.” Jayden batted his hands away and strutted on with his brother.

“Yeah,” Kayden said. “We don’t get cold no more.”

“Oh, yeah?” Logan’s mouth twitched. “Why’s that?”

Kayden jerked his chin. “’Cuz we’re bone-a-fine cowboys now. Mr. Jed said they don’t never get cold.”

Logan clamped his lips shut, choking back his laughter. It was probably best to let that one go. Wouldn’t do for him to question Mr. Jed’s knowledge. The boys didn’t take too kindly to others criticizing the ranch hand’s words of wisdom.

They spent the first couple hours of the morning turning horses out and mucking stalls alongside the hands. When the twins’ shoulders began to sag, Logan took the shovels from them and suggested a break. He led them outside and lifted them to the top rail of the white fence lining the paddock, keeping an arm snug around each of the boys’ backs.

“We got a treat for Thunder.” Jayden dug around in his pocket then drew out a small, colorful lump. “It’s oats and carrots and the sugar stuff mixed together.”

“Yeah,” Kayden said. “Ms. Betty helped us make it last night.”

Logan held Jayden’s palm and tilted it from one side to the other. No sign of cayenne powder this time.

He smiled. “I think he’ll enjoy that. Hold it out and let him have a taste.”

Logan clucked his tongue and steadied Jayden’s outstretched arm as Thunder walked over. The stallion moved gracefully, his muscles rippling. Thunder nudged Jayden’s hand with his nose then wrapped his lips around the treat and nibbled.

Kayden giggled. “He likes it.”

Thunder’s soft breaths and chomping teeth filled the silence that followed until the treat disappeared. The stallion licked Jayden’s palm, setting off another round of laughter from the boys, then turned and strolled away.

Kayden tilted his head back, glancing up at him. “Uncle Dominic said you’re the best trainer there is. ’Cept for Aunt Amy.” He blinked and lifted his chin. “I ain’t scared of Thunder no more, and I can learn to ride him like Aunt Amy does. You think you could teach me one day?”

“One day. But not quite yet. Thunder might be having more good days than bad, but he’s still adjusting.”

Jayden pursed his lips. “Bet he misses Aunt Amy.”

Logan’s gut churned. He looked away, focusing on the other horses milling about in the field. “I expect so.”

Kayden sighed and picked at Logan’s sleeve. “We miss her, too.”

Logan tightened his arms around the boys, tugging them closer and whispering, “So do I.”

The twins huddled into Logan’s chest and wrapped their arms around his back. They stayed silent for a while, gazing across the fields and listening to the gentle sounds of the horses.

A breathless cry and pounding feet shattered the silence.

“It’s time!”

Logan glanced over his shoulder. Traci loped down the path from the main house. She stopped, bending with her hands on her knees and struggling to drag in air.

“Time for what?” Jayden asked, squirming against Logan’s chest.

“Time...” Traci gulped and grinned “...for the babies.” She straightened and pointed to the main house. “Mama and Pop just left for the hospital with Dom and Cissy. Mama said to come get you so you could drive the rest of us.”

Traci darted back up the path, flapping her hands and sputtering over her shoulder, “Well, come on.”

Logan made short order of loading Traci and the boys into the truck and took off for the hospital as fast as safety allowed. The drive seemed to take longer than usual and Logan’s hands shook harder against the steering wheel with every giddy exclamation from Traci.

“I can’t wait to see Grace and Gwen,” she gushed, biting her lip and bouncing in the passenger seat. “Bet they’ll be beautiful.”

“Yeah,” Kayden drawled, kicking the back of her seat, “’til they start cryin’ and poopin’. Mr. Jed said that’s all babies do.”

“Hush up, squirt.” Traci glanced in the rearview mirror and narrowed her eyes. “Mr. Jed’s full of hot air. You oughta be glad you’re getting cousins.”

Kayden wasn’t impressed. He curled his lip and turned to stare out of the window, remaining quiet for the rest of the journey.

The waiting room was crowded, and they filled up the last row of empty chairs by the window. Pop and Betty walked around the corner, a smile wreathing both their faces.

“Everything’s well underway,” Pop said. “The doc told us things are moving fast. So it shouldn’t be long now.”

“Dominic’s a nervous wreck.” Betty laughed. “Good thing it’ll be over with soon.”

Logan shifted in his seat and hoped that was the case. He ran his eyes over the others in the waiting room. Fathers, siblings and grandparents all moved with excited energy around the chairs. They tapped their toes, flashed nervous grins and sprang up for hugs at the delivery of good news.

This continued throughout the course of the morning, carrying over into late afternoon. For the other families. There was, however, no happy word on Dominic and Cissy, and the silence stretched into late evening.

Logan shoved to his feet and paced the waiting room. His legs tingled, blood rushing back in and tight muscles stretching.

Traci’s knees bounced with jerky movements and Betty wrung her hands in her lap. The twins hunched in their chairs, hats shielding their expressions. Pop left for the third time in the past hour to check for more news.

“You boys want to run down to the cafeteria and grab something to eat?” Betty smiled and crouched in front of the boys.

They shook their heads.

“Are you sure?” Betty asked. “It’s been a long time since y’all had breakfast and you didn’t have any lunch or supper.”

“I’m not hungry,” Jayden mumbled.

“I wanna wait for Aunt Cissy.” Kayden’s hat tipped up as he looked around the room. “Lots of other people got their babies already.” His voice shook. “Why ain’t ours here yet?”

“I don’t know,” Betty said gently. “But they’ll get here eventually. Sometimes, it takes a while.” She glanced up and stood. “Here comes your uncle Dominic now. Maybe he’ll have some good news for us.”

Or maybe not. Logan’s stomach dropped as he watched his brother stride swiftly across the room. His hair stood up at odd angles and his face was shadowed. Pop followed a step behind with the same grim expression.

The boys ran to Dominic and he squatted, drawing them both between his knees, squeezing their arms and kissing the tops of their heads.

“Are the babies here yet?” Kayden asked.

Dominic’s throat moved on a hard swallow. “Gwen is.” A smile flitted across his lips. “She’s got dark hair—” he tapped their noses “—but her eyes are as blue as yours.”

“What about the other one?” Jayden asked.

Dominic stood and nudged the boys toward Betty. “Grace will be here soon, too. Now, go sit with Traci and I’ll come get you when it’s time.”

“Come on, boys,” Pop said. He took their hands and led them over to join Traci.

Logan stepped close, eyeing the worried glint in Dominic’s eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Grace—” Dominic’s voice cracked. He bit his lip and looked away. “Grace is showing signs of distress. They said the cord prolapsed and she’s not getting enough oxygen so they took Cissy for an emergency C-section. If they don’t make it to Grace in time...”

“Oh, Dom.” Betty patted Dominic’s arm. “You hang in there. There are good doctors taking care of your girls.”

Dominic nodded, his gaze moving over her shoulder. Kayden scrambled into Traci’s lap. She hugged him close and surveyed Dominic with a worried expression.

“Cissy asked me to check on the boys,” Dominic said. “She wanted me to let them know everything was gonna be okay.”

“We’ll take care of them,” Betty said, moving away to drop a kiss to the twins’ foreheads. “You tell her not to worry.”

Dominic stood, watching the boys, shoulders sagging and mouth twisting. Logan’s throat closed.

“I’ve got to get back.” Dominic pressed his thumb and forefinger to his closed eyelids and dropped his head. “Cissy’s exhausted and worried sick about Grace. I’ve never seen her this terrified.” He looked up, eyes hovering on Logan’s, and whispered, “And there’s not a thing I can do to help either one of them.”

Logan froze. Sara was on Dominic’s mind. It was right there in every defeated line of his brother’s body. And seeing that kind of pain hanging on Dominic burned in his chest.

He gripped Dominic’s shoulder and squeezed, forcing sound out of his constricted throat. “Cissy’s strong. She’s gonna pull through this. And if Grace inherited even half of the grit you and Cissy have, she’ll come out either smiling or swinging a fist.”

There was no way to tell how much truth was in the words. The outcome would remain uncertain to the last second, no matter what anyone said. But it comforted Dominic and that was all that mattered.

Dominic nodded. “Cissy is strong. The strongest woman I’ve ever met.” He managed a small smile. “Aside from Amy.”

Dominic strode across the room toward the hall but stopped, turned back and said, “I’m glad I came home. Glad Cissy and I settled at Raintree. Don’t think we could make it through this without all of you.” He smiled, the fear in his eyes still present but determination overcoming it. “Having people you love around makes you stronger. No matter how tough it gets.”

Logan watched him leave. He’d never seen Dominic stand so tall or move with such strength. In that one moment, Logan was the proudest he’d ever been of his little brother.

Logan returned to his chair. Jayden leaned onto the arm of it, staring down at his boots and frowning.

“Hey,” Logan said, “wanna sit with me for a while?”

Jayden nodded, his blond curls slipping onto his forehead. Logan sat down and settled him in his lap. He caught sight of Jayden’s hat lying upside down on the floor.

“Did you lose your hat?” Logan reached for it.

“No.” Jayden stilled him with a hand on his forearm. “I just ain’t no bone-a-fine cowboy no more.”

“Why not?”

Jayden glanced up, blue eyes blurred with tears. “’Cuz I’m scared.”

“For your aunt Cissy and Grace?”

Jayden nodded. “Mr. Jed said bone-a-fine cowboys are always brave. That they don’t never get scared.”

Logan winced. He knew the weight of that worry. The need to be strong. The need to always be perfect and never make a mistake. Otherwise, what would there be for anyone to respect? To admire? To love?

Love. He tensed, Amy’s words returning.

Everything you offer comes with conditions and expectations.

Logan tipped Jayden’s chin up with a knuckle and peered into his eyes. “It’s okay to be afraid. Most everyone is at some point or another. It’s pushing through the fear that makes you brave.”

Jayden blinked and asked, “So I can still be a bone-a-fine cowboy?”

Logan nodded. “Yep. And a bone-a-fine cowboy always looks better wearing a hat.” He scooped it off the floor and placed it on Jayden’s head. “A man needs his hat.”

Jayden brightened, a smile stretching from ear to ear. He snuggled against the left side of Logan’s chest—Amy’s favorite spot—settling in for the long wait.

You only accept people when they live up to your standards and can’t forgive them when they don’t.

Logan cringed. He’d never lived up to his own standards. Had never pleased himself with his own actions, much less been impressed by anyone else’s. He’d been so fixated on flawlessness that he’d failed to see the good qualities in others.

Dominic had left the circuit for Cissy. Not because he had to but because he wanted to. For her and the boys.

Even though it’d almost broken him, Pop had stayed behind at Raintree instead of following Gloria. Not because he hadn’t still loved her but because he loved his sons more.

Amy had held the memory of their marriage in her heart for four years. Had remained loyal to it and to him. Not because she had to. But because she loved him.

You have to believe love exists to be able to feel it.

He had felt it. Every time he held Amy, hands shaking against her. Every time his body rebelled against his mind, reaching for her and getting lost in her over and over again. And he’d felt it burning in his chest when he’d held Sara.

He’d fought feeling it to avoid pain and regret. To avoid the risk of losing Amy and being hurt. Turned out, his heart was stronger than his head. It had remained steadfast to Amy through the worst.

I’m just an obligation. Another one of your regrets.

He didn’t want Amy because of a piece of paper. Or to make up for any mistakes they made. He wanted her because he needed her. He needed her spirit and smile in his life. Needed her hardheaded stubbornness and tender touch. Needed her because she challenged him and made him feel more alive than anything else. The love he had for her was stronger and more comforting than any pain life’s disappointments could bring.

Logan’s throat thickened. He’d never told her he loved her. Not once. Hell, he hadn’t even been able to acknowledge it to himself.

The next few minutes ticked by in slow motion. One hour passed and then another. The boys’ eyes drooped but they stayed awake, Kayden in Traci’s lap and Jayden in Logan’s. Pop paced and Betty wiped tears away a time or two.

Dominic burst into the waiting room, his smile as wide as his step. “Cissy’s doing well. They moved her into a room. Get over here, boys. You have an aunt asking for you and two cousins to visit.”

“So Grace is okay?” Pop’s smile shook.

Dominic hugged him. “Yeah. She’s perfect. All my girls are.”

Relief flooded Logan’s chest. The boys squealed and hopped to the floor, clamoring across the room to barrel into Dominic’s legs. They each looped an arm around his thighs and stood on his boots, laughing as his strides carried them down the hall.

“Well—” Dominic’s brow quirked “—y’all waiting for an engraved invitation, or what?”

They all laughed and followed Dominic. Logan stayed back, waiting in the hall as Betty and Traci cooed over the girls. Pop’s deep voice sounded as he spoke in soothing tones to Cissy and the babies and the boys’ proud chatter filled every corner of the room. Everyone was there.

Everyone except Amy. Logan closed his eyes. He wanted a new life with her and their baby. Wanted to hope again for the dream he’d lost so long ago with Sara.

Maybe I am still chasing a fairy tale. But I’m not giving up on it.

Amy’s words warmed his blood and lifted his head. He opened his eyes, excitement buzzing in his veins at the possibility. The hope of happiness. Of something bright and beautiful growing out of something that was once so bleak.

“We’re heading back now,” Pop said, stepping into the hall. “Dom’s spending the night here. You coming?”

Logan shook his head. “I’m gonna stay with Dom for a while. Can the boys and Traci ride back with you and Betty? It’s late and I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

Pop smiled. “Of course. Take your time.”

Betty and Traci passed, discussing plans for the new twins’ wardrobe. Kayden and Jayden smacked noisy kisses to Cissy’s cheeks, then skipped into the hall.

“What’d you think?” Logan asked.

Kayden tilted his head and shrugged. “They ain’t bad. Kinda small but they’re okay, I guess.”

“We like ’em,” Jayden said. “We’re gonna take good care of ’em.”

“I know you will.” Logan swept them against his legs for a squeeze before they scampered off to join the rest of the crew walking down the hall.

Logan inhaled, holding his breath and edging his head into the room. Dominic sat at Cissy’s bedside. He smoothed one hand over her blond hair and the other over the babies nestled in her arms.

Logan cleared his throat and asked, “Got time for one more visitor?”

They glanced up and smiled.

“Of course,” Cissy said. “Come meet your nieces.”

Logan walked slowly to the bed. “You feeling okay?”

Cissy laughed. “I’m feeling great right now. It’s tomorrow when the meds wear off that things will change.”

Logan nodded and looked at the bundles in her arms. The boys had been right. The babies were small. The pink blankets cocooning them parted slightly to reveal dark hair, flushed cheeks and rosebud mouths. Every bit of which reminded him of Sara.

Logan flinched, pain shooting through his chest. Not as sharp as before but enough to cut.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” Dominic bent and kissed their foreheads.

Logan nodded and searched their peaceful faces, waiting for their eyelids to flicker or their mouths to part.

“Would you like to hold one of them?” Cissy asked.

Her eyes were patient and gentle. Understanding.

Logan swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Please.”

Dominic stood and Logan took his seat, watching with coiled muscles as Dominic gently lifted one of the babies and carried her over.

“Here you go, Grace,” Dominic whispered, lowering her into Logan’s arms. “Meet your uncle Logan.”

Grace’s light weight hardly rivaled a feather and if he didn’t have his eyes on her, Logan could’ve sworn Dominic had never put her in his arms. He held still and studied her face. She didn’t move. Didn’t make a sound.

Sara.

Logan froze. A knot formed in his chest. He pulled Grace closer.

“There’s something wrong.”

Heaven help him, he knew the thought was irrational. Knew it to be untrue. But he couldn’t stop himself from voicing it.

“No,” Cissy whispered. “She’s just sleeping.”

Logan shook his head. His eyes burned. The dark, downy head blurred in front of him, the delicate features distorting.

“She’s not breathing—” Tremors stole his voice and racked his body as he studied her chest.

“Yes, she is.” Cissy’s hand touched his forearm.

He tore his eyes away from Grace and focused on Cissy’s face.

Cissy smiled. “She’s perfectly fi—”

A cry pierced the air, cracking the stillness and echoing around the room. They all started. Logan curled his hands around the bundle, the warmth of her seeping into his palms.

“Here.” Dominic reached out, his face shadowed with concern. “I think Grace is gonna turn out to be the fussy one. You can hold Gwen.”

“Wait, Dominic.”

Logan barely registered Cissy’s words. Grace demanded his attention. Her face scrunched up and an angry flush engulfed her cheeks. That small mouth parted and the biggest, shrillest cry he’d ever heard broke free, causing Dominic to cringe and provoking wails from Gwen.

Something cracked wide open in Logan’s chest and every heavy pain he harbored came rushing out. Tears poured from his eyes in scalding streaks and rattled free of his body with each shudder ripping through his limbs.

His chest shook then. It jerked with strong bursts of laughter and he blinked away the tears to smile down at the howling bundle in his arms.

“Cry, baby girl. You cry all you want. Let the whole damn world know you’re in it.”

Grace opened her eyes. Those beautiful blues widened up at him, her cries fading away. She blinked and took up squirming, the pink blanket shifting with each thrust of her legs and arms. One tiny fist broke free and made its way to her mouth. Her lips moved with sucking sounds and she frowned. The fist flailed and Grace released a more demanding cry.

Logan looked up, returning Cissy and Dominic’s smiles with one of his own. “You were right, Dom. She’s perfect.”

For once, Logan’s arms were heavier than his heart.

Logan made it back to the ranch in record time. He refused to wait for the sun to rise. Instead, he threw essentials into his overnight bag, grabbed the packet of papers and ring then stuffed them into his pocket.

He hopped into his truck, twisted the key in the ignition and slammed his foot on the pedal. He could just make out Raintree’s main house in the rearview mirror as he drove away, the taillights casting a red glow through the haze of dust billowing up behind him.

Logan smiled. It still hurt to look back but it felt good to move forward.

“DO YOU NEED another box? There’s more in the break room.”

Amy puffed a strand of hair out of her face and stretched a strip of packing tape across the top of the box in her office chair. She glanced up, smiling at the receptionist hovering in the doorway.

“No, thanks, Kimberly. I think this will do it.”

Amy smoothed a hand over the tape, then sighed with satisfaction. It had taken several days to finish packing up everything at her apartment and her office but the task had been a welcome distraction since she’d left Raintree. Everything was taped up and ready to go. Except for her heart.

“You’ll be missed around here.” Kimberly sighed, studying the two boxes stacked on top of the mahogany desk. “I sure hope the newbie coming in knows their stuff.”

Amy laughed. “I imagine that’s what someone is saying about me right now in Michigan.”

“Maybe so. But I’ve really enjoyed working with you. I know this is a good opportunity but I wish you didn’t have to go.”

Amy’s smile slipped. She’d wished the same thing over the past week. Wished she didn’t have to leave Raintree’s sprawling fields or her family. She missed Betty’s cooking, Pop’s bear hugs, Traci’s good-natured banter with the boys, Dom, Cissy and...Logan. She missed Logan so much more than she ever had. She wished she could go back to Raintree for good. Wished—

“I wish I didn’t have to go, either,” Amy said, straightening her shoulders. “But sometimes, you have to move on whether you want to or not. Take the bad right along with the good.”

Kimberly nodded, calling over her shoulder as she left, “I’ll be right out front if you need anything.”

Amy closed her eyes, unable to stop herself from wishing one last time that things were different. That this move would be to Raintree instead of in the other direction. That Logan would be at her side, hoping for the best for this baby and making their family complete.

She placed a hand over her belly and focused on the good. Six weeks. New life had thrived within her for six weeks. A life she and Logan had created.

Today was difficult. Driving to the airport in the morning would be even worse. But the next day would be better. So would the next. Eventually, more good days would come. And she’d appreciate them more than ever before because she had known the bad. Of that, she was certain.

Amy smiled and lifted the last box from the chair, setting it on top of the desk with the others. A heavy tread sounded down the hallway followed by the rapid click of Kimberly’s heels.

“Sir, please.” Kimberly’s breathless voice echoed in from the hall. “Wait one minute so I—”

“I’m through waiting.”

Amy’s head shot up at the low words. Logan strode into the room, closed the door and rounded the desk. She caught a glimpse of the determined set of his jaw and warm, dark eyes before he claimed her mouth.

His lips parted hers, the familiar taste and masculine scent of him overwhelming her. The heat of his touch spread from her shoulders down her back and over her bottom, his broad palms kneading and caressing along the way. The tender advance continued, Logan’s touch faltering when a soft cry escaped her.

His hands stilled on her waist. He lifted his head, nuzzled his cheek against hers and whispered in her ear, “Just so we’re clear, babe, that wasn’t for practice.”

Her heart flipped over at his gentle grin. “I don’t think you need any.”

“Ask me.”

She blinked. “Ask you what?”

“Ask me why I wanted you to stay.”

Amy hesitated, belly fluttering. “Wh-why did you want me to stay?”

His big palms cradled her face, thumbs sweeping over her cheeks. “Because I love you, Amy. Always have in one way or another. I was so afraid of things not working out that I didn’t trust it. Didn’t want to risk losing you or make a mistake. And, after losing Sara, I didn’t want to take a chance on anything. But I want to now. I want to move forward. With you.”

He kissed her again, each sweep of his tongue and glide of his hands making her knees weaker. A low moan escaped his lips and entered her mouth.

She trembled, leaning back and trying to catch her breath. “Say it again.”

He smiled. “I love you,” he repeated. “Always have. Always will.”

“I love you, too, Logan.”

He brushed his hand through her hair, dark eyes locking with hers. “Thank God for that.” His palm slid around her waist to cover her belly. “I’m ready. For everything. Anything. No matter what happens.”

“Does that mean you’re here to bring me home?”

“No. You’re my home. Wherever you go, I follow.”

He stepped back and pulled the pack of divorce papers from his pocket. His tanned hands held them up and ripped them several times over. The torn pieces fluttered to the floor in a soft, white shower of chaotic disarray.

“I want to start over.” He took her hand, slipped her ring on her finger and ran his fingertip over the band. “Live every day of my life to the fullest, with you in it.”

She fought to ignore the heated rush of her blood and studied his face. “Things may not work out any better with this pregnancy than they did before.”

“Or they might.” He slid his hands over her hips and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Whatever happens, we’ll pull through it. The good and the bad because we’re stronger together.” His expression softened. “We’ll make our own fairy tale.”

He kissed her again, his mouth tasting and teasing. Amy wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kiss, holding him tighter.

Her rapid breaths mingled with his. “Let’s start home.”

“To Raintree?” He brightened at her nod, a wide smile stretching across his lean cheeks. “Are you sure?”

Amy kissed him again, whispering against his lips, “Everything I love is there. There’s no place in the world I’d rather be.”