Kitabı oku: «A French Pirouette»

For my mum who loved dancing and instilled a love of ballet in me.

(Evelyn Page 1918 - 2008)

Chapter One

Suzette

Suzette Shelby, the world-famous French ballerina, was soaking her feet in the bathroom of her Paris apartment. Something she did routinely even when she was ‘resting’. Ruefully she lifted her feet out of the water and studied them.

Misshapen old lady’s feet with bunions and callouses stuck on the end of her thirty-eight-year-old legs. Legs that were still shapely with the taut muscled calves and thighs of a dancer. Picking up the soft-as-down large white towel she’d hung over the heated rail, she carefully wrapped her feet in it and gently began to pat them dry. The warmth cocooned her feet. Bliss.

The ballet company’s official chiropodist was always stressing about her feet these days but aside from emergencies she refused to let anybody touch them. Removal of the callouses would only give her blisters. The bunions she’d deal with later when she retired.

Retired. A scary word that had entered her vocabulary in recent months and was threatening to take over her life. It would have to happen soon she knew but what was she to do afterwards? She was lucky to have lasted at the top for so long. Many dancers were finished by their early thirties. Usually by then the injuries had mounted up and the RICE—rest, ice, compression, elevation—recovery times were lengthening.

Towelling her feet dry Suzette grimaced. RICE. Such a funny expression for something that was as much a part of a dancer’s life as barre work, while rice the food, with all its carbohydrates, was forbidden in her low-carb diet. It was a constant battle to keep fit and strong enough to dance but stay fat free and trim.

The last three weeks had been a mixture of low-key exercises and RICE after that last sprain in Covent Garden. But now it was time to get back on the treadmill again: hours of gruelling dance practice, long rehearsals and the need to network and help publicise the next show. The first of the publicity stints was starting with this afternoon’s recording of a chat show at the TV studio.

Appearing on chat shows was not something that she did routinely but Malik had assured her that a) these days keeping her name in front of her audience was essential and b) she might even enjoy it. Could even lead to other things when she retired. There was that word again. Retired.

She’d hoped that Malik would be back in Paris to escort her to the studios or at least meet her afterwards, but he was still down in Monaco. After tying things up there for the spring season he’d decided to stay on for a break. He’d asked her to join him but Suzette had said no, preferring to stay up here in town and get her ankle in tip-top condition before going down there to perform in a few weeks’ time.

Malik had been her dance partner until three years ago when, after one injury too many, he retired and became a choreographer. His reputation these days was so good he could be selective and choose the ballet companies he wanted to work with. Suzette loved it when they worked together and was looking forward to their short season in Monaco.

She missed dancing with Malik. They’d fitted together so well. Understood each other and picked up on each other’s vibes while on stage. Since he’d retired from dancing she hadn’t had a regular partner, dancing instead with one of the various top-flight male dancers contracted for the different ballets.

Away from the theatre too she and Malik enjoyed a deep personal friendship. At one time everyone had expected their friendship to develop into something more but it had never gone beyond the special friendship stage. He was still her best friend in the dance world though. In all her worlds actually. Outside of dancing there were precious few people she could consider friends these days.

Sighing, she stood up and hung the towel on the heated rail to dry. Time to get dressed. The car the studio was sending for her would be here soon. Time to put on her public face and smile for the cameras.

The other guests were already enjoying wine and nibbles when Suzette was shown into the Green Room at the studios. She recognised a well-known actor and one of France’s ageing rock ’n’ roll stars.

The other woman guest was a writer who immediately after they were introduced, asked brusquely, “Read my latest?”

Suzette shook her head. “Desolé. Murder mysteries aren’t my scene. Prefer a romance. I’m sure it will do well though.” She smiled at the woman who tutted at her words and turned away.

The show’s format meant that each guest was introduced individually until all five of them were sitting around a table laden with finger food the guest chef of the day had been coerced into providing. Bottles of wine were passed freely around in an effort to create an atmosphere of friends at lunch chatting intimately and enjoying themselves.

Suzette had the actor on one side of her and a young wannabe star from a current talent show on the other. After initial hesitations, talk flowed between them as the experienced presenter drew them all in to the conversation. It was when the subject of hobbies came up that Suzette found herself in the spotlight.

“Suzette, I know you are a keen photographer but you are also a very gifted needlewoman and accomplished embroiderer. Tell us how you got into that,” the presenter said.

“Like all good things, I learnt it at my mother’s knee,” Suzette said. “I find it very relaxing and always have a piece in my dressing room to work on. It helps to pass the time when I’m not on stage.”

“You were born and grew up here in Paris, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I grew up in Paris,” Suzette said, ignoring the first part of the question. “I had a happy childhood here—although being at ballet school it was also a very disciplined life.” She went on to explain how her world had revolved around ballet since the age of nine. “The discipline I learnt there is ingrained in me now.” She sighed. “Sometimes I wish I could just be me.” Oh, maybe that was not the right thing to say on national TV.

“Of course I love what I do and hope to continue for some time yet,” she added quickly. “I’m really looking forward to my season here in Paris in the autumn.” There. At least Malik would be pleased with her for getting their show mentioned. She was relieved when the presenter didn’t press her on the subject of what ‘being just me’ would entail and then, five minutes later, wound up ‘lunch’ and the show was over.

On the way home, Suzette sank back into the seat of the limousine and remembered the way the words about just being herself had come out without her thinking about them. But when she retired and gave up her life of dance altogether that was exactly what she could be. Herself. Whoever she was. And what kind of life would she lead outside the world of dance? Could she even survive without dance in her life?

Thank goodness Malik was due back tomorrow and she could talk to him. The one person left who knew her well—although even he, as close as they were, didn’t know everything about her.

Her local kiosque presse on the corner of two streets just yards from her apartment was busy the following morning when Suzette went to pick up the current issue of La Monde. A large photograph of the countryside on the side of the kiosk caught her attention as she stood in the queue. ‘Venez en Bretagne pour vos vacances’.

She and her mother had gone to Brittany once for a holiday when she was, oh, about nine or ten. A long-ago memory of walking alongside a river watching boats and men fishing flashed into her mind. The countryside had been beautiful and she’d longed to stay for longer but at the end of the holiday she’d been dragged crying to the train station and they’d returned to Paris. Ballet school had taken over her life and her mother’s finances and there had been no more holidays.

Since then of course she’d travelled all over the world but had never been back to Brittany. Maybe when she retired she’d take a holiday there—see if it was as beautiful as her childhood memories had painted it.

Back in the apartment Suzette went through to the small room she laughingly referred to as ‘Le Boudoir’. Originally intended to be a guest bedroom she’d had it converted years ago into a mini dance studio with a wooden floor, mirrored walls and an exercise barre running the length of the room. After pulling on her ballet shoes and tying the ribbons she crossed over to the small table holding a CD player and a pile of CDs. Taking a compilation of slow piano pieces she placed it into the player and pressed the button. Within seconds she was concentrating on the familiar plié exercise routine that had been a part of her daily life—injury time excepted—for as long as she could remember.

Waiting for Malik later that day Suzette picked up the white velvet evening cape she was personalising with some delicate embroidery beadwork. To celebrate his first evening back from the south of France they were due to go to the theatre and have supper afterwards in one of their favourite bistros.

She glanced at her watch. Malik was typically late. She’d so wanted to talk to him before they left for the theatre but that clearly wasn’t going to be an option.

Half an hour later than she’d expected him, Malik let himself into the apartment. “Desolé,” he said. “I got held up in traffic. That’s looking good,” he said moving closer. “Stunning in fact.”

“Thank you. I’m really pleased with it,” Suzette answered. “I decided I needed a cover-up to go with that dress I wore for the Cannes Film Festival last year. The one with no back, remember?”

“The scarlet one that caused such a sensation?” Malik said smiling. “The one a certain film star was very jealous over?”

“That’s the one,” Suzette said, carefully placing the material on the special cloth she wrapped her work in.

Malik bent over to take a closer look. “It’s beautiful,” he said studying the intricate butterfly, vine and flower layout Suzette was painstakingly creating.

“It’s meant to be a tribute to Lesage—I adore his designs. I hope to finish it in time for Monaco. Talking of Monaco how did it go?”

Malik shrugged. “I would prefer to be using the Princess Grace Theatre but the Grimaldi Forum has everything we need.” He glanced at her feet. “How’s the ankle?”

“As good as it ever gets these days,” Suzette said glancing at him. “Can we talk? I need your advice.”

“Over supper,” Malik promised. “But now we need to get to the Champs Élysées or we will miss the First Act.”

“And whose fault would that be?” Suzette gently grumbled at him.

After the performance, it was nearly eleven o’clock before they were shown to a secluded table in the bistro and she was able to begin to voice her worries and fears to Malik about what the future might hold for her.

“I can’t believe I said that line about just wanting to be me, on live TV,” she said. “I mean, it’s almost as bad as saying ‘I want to be alone’. Which I don’t,” she said laughing at the absurdity of it.

Malik, when she looked at him wasn’t laughing.

“It must be all this thinking about retiring getting to me.” She sighed. “The truth please, Malik. Do you think my inevitable retirement from dancing is getting ever closer?” she said as he poured their champagne.

Carefully he put the bottle in the ice bucket, handed her a glass, picked up his own and took a sip before answering her.

“You still dance beautifully and are rated as one of the top ballerinas in the world, but I think the injuries are mounting up, which will become more and more a problem for you.”

Suzette sighed and waited. Malik was confirming what she already knew deep down.

“After Monaco the only date you have is the short season here in town with me for Swan Lake at the Paris Opera, no?”

Suzette nodded. “Not even been asked to do The Nutcracker this Christmas.”

Malik reached across the table and took her hand in his. “I think after Paris, ma chérie, you would be advised to think about taking a new direction. Perhaps teach? Choreography? Non! I forbid choreography.” He wagged a finger at her. “I do not need the competition.”

“As if I would ever be as good as you,” Suzette said.

“Maybe I take you on as my assistant, that way you have a new career and I need not worry.”

Suzette shook her head at him before taking a sip of her champagne. “So it seems Swan Lake will be my personal swansong. My life over.”

“Non—you will have a new beginning,” Malik said. “Look at me. I thought it was the end of my world when I had to retire but I’m fine. I love my new career. You will too. I will help you find a new career.”

“Doing what, Malik? I honestly don’t think I want to go down the choreography route—not even as your assistant. And I’m not at all sure I’ve the patience for teaching—I still remember how horrible my friends and I were to our teachers.” She drained her champagne glass before continuing. “As for dealing with all the pushy yummy mummies who are convinced their little darling is going to be the star of the decade.” She shook her head. “Couldn’t do it.”

She watched as the waiter placed a salad niçoise in front of her and steak and frites in front of Malik. “That’s another thing—one day I want to be able to eat what I fancy without worrying.”

“If it will make you feel better have a frite,” Malik said piercing one onto his fork and holding it out.

“Thank you.” Suzette chewed the frite slowly, making it last. “Life would be a lot simpler if only I had a family and a patient husband waiting in the wings to whisk me away to live a normal life.”

“Pshaw!” Malik said. “Who wants a normal life anyway? It would be boring. Something will turn up; you’ll see. Paris is months away yet. You’ve got plenty of time to think and make decisions.”

Bleakly Suzette smiled at him. The trouble was, she realised with a pang, she was starting to yearn desperately for a husband and a normal family life—always had really, but dancing had taken precedence over everything.

“Have you truly never wanted to marry? Have a family?” she asked.

Malik shook his head. “Never been high on my agenda, no. I’ve told you before—my home life wasn’t that great. I didn’t see the need to re-create a stressful situation that I was happier without. But then, unlike you, I don’t have a biological clock ticking away.”

“No, you don’t,” Suzette said. “And you have at least been true to yourself. Whereas I…” she paused “…I have danced my life away, never really listening to the ticking of that clock. Perhaps retiring at the end of the year will be a good thing. I’ll certainly have time to listen to, and maybe, if it’s not too late, do something about the ticking.” She’d certainly have all the time in the world to just be herself, whether she liked it or not.

She sighed. It was just that the word ‘retirement’ made her feel so old. So past it.

“OK, guys. Let’s take a short break. Back in fifteen,” Malik said. Suzette, along with the rest of the dancers, breathed a sigh of gratitude.

The company had arrived in Monaco three days ago—days that had been filled with rehearsals and little else. Today was the final one before the dress rehearsal tomorrow. Opening night would be Friday with Prince Albert and Princess Charlene in the audience.

Back in her dressing room in the Grimaldi Forum, Suzette poured herself some water and did a few stretching exercises to keep herself limbered up. Although initially she’d found Malik’s choreography challenging she was enjoying dancing this modern ballet now she’d finally broken through and mastered its intricacies.

Her partner, Zac, a young and up-and-coming Russian, was good and Suzette had rapidly felt confident in their onstage chemistry.

A gentle knock on the door before Malik entered. He’d always been considerate—never assuming he could just barge in on her.

“You ready for the last scene in Act Three?”

Suzette nodded. It was a long complicated piece with her doing several grand jetés in mid-air, before an emotional dance with Zac, which involved her jumping into his arms.

“Think so. Bit worried about doing the splits in mid-air actually,” she said. “My dancing repertoire hasn’t featured them much recently.”

“Relax. You mastered them fine yesterday,” Malik assured her.

Back down in the theatre, Suzette went through her pre-dancing stretching exercises while Malik put the corps de ballet through their routine.

Standing in the wings waiting for her introductory music to play, Suzette felt the shiver of nervous stage fright she always experienced before she danced on stage. This is what she lived for. How would she survive without a regular dose of ballet-filled adrenalin anticipation?

Zac, in the opposite wing, smiled across at her, before striding onto the stage ready for the first of their pas de deux. Five seconds later Suzette joined him and their bodies synchronised together in the flowing ballet movements and everything else faded away as they lost themselves in the evocative music.

Suzette executed a final perfect allegro when disaster struck. Landing badly she end up in a crumpled heap on the wooden stage.

“Stop the music!” Malik shouted as he rushed to her side. “Get the doctor.”

“No,” Suzette said. “I don’t need the doctor. I’ll be fine. Just give me ten minutes and a cold compress. Help me up, please?” She held out a hand to Malik.

Even as Malik gently pulled her onto her feet before placing an arm around her shoulders to steady her before helping her off stage, Suzette knew she was in trouble. Real trouble. Experience told her that this injury was not going to heal overnight.

After the cold compress had been applied, Malik insisted she take a cab back to the hotel. “You know it is impossible for you to dance again today, Suzette. Maybe with twenty-four hours rest and ice.” He shrugged. “We’ll see.”

Suzette could tell he was already mentally assessing the options he had.

Once alone back in her hotel room, Suzette gave way to the tears that had been threatening from the second she’d fallen. She knew that final jump had been perfect. How could she have been so stupid as to mess up the landing? And ruin everything? Thank heavens it hadn’t happened on opening night in front of Prince Albert and Princess Charlene. Her shame would have been absolute.

Malik arrived back early evening and insisted she ordered some food from room service before opening the bottle of champagne he’d brought with him.

“I’m hardly celebrating,” Suzette snapped at him.

“This is medicinal—to make you feel better,” Malik answered, handing her a glass. “Suzette, ma chérie, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to give the role to Donna,” he said quietly.

“Every understudy’s dream,” Suzette said. “The show must go on.” She took a long swig of champagne from her glass. “Maybe I should have retired like you after Manon at Covent Garden. That was a truly magical production, wasn’t it? Des Grieux was a perfect last role for you.”

Malik smiled and nodded as she continued.

“Whereas my acclaimed performance of one of the greatest female ballet roles ever is being overshadowed and all but forgotten by all the injuries since then.” Suzette wiped an escaping tear off her cheek with her free hand. “All I’m going to be remembered for is being forced to retire due to injuries.” She smiled wanly at him as she held out her empty glass for a refill.

“Not true,” Malik said carefully pouring the champagne. “People still talk about it, us, and your wonderful interpretation of the role. You’ll always be remembered as one of the best.”

He turned at the sound of a discrete knock and opened the door to room service.

Watching in silence as the waiter placed the food on the small table, Suzette sensed the stress coming from Malik. Even as he urged her to sit and eat she knew what he was preparing himself to say.

“I can’t stay long, Suzette,” Malik said, looking at his watch. “Donna’s rehearsing right now with Zac. I have to get back down there.”

“I could be back before the show ends. A couple of days and my ankle could be strong enough to dance.” Even as she said it, she knew she was lying to herself as well as Malik.

This injury would take weeks rather than days to heal, which meant yet more RICE time before battling her body back into dancing fitness. There was no point either in telling Malik about her bruised and sore arm, which in its own way was as bad as her ankle and would make any port de bras movements difficult for weeks to come.

Malik shook his head. “I can’t take the risk.”

“No I suppose not.” Suzette sighed, facing up to the inevitable. “Wish Donna luck from me. You’d better get back down to the Forum.”

“You’ve got everything you need?” Malik said, clearly relieved she’d taken the news so well.

Suzette nodded. Of course she had everything she needed—except a functioning ankle and an unbruised arm. No doubt the side of her body would be a mass of interesting colours by the morning.

As Malik closed the door behind him, Suzette pushed her salmon salade away untouched before downing her glass of champagne and immediately pouring herself another one. It was one way to drown both the physical and the mental pain. Besides, Malik had said it was medicinal.

Collapsing onto the bed, she switched on the TV and began to flick through the channels. Football, quiz games, reality shows, talk… Hang on that was the show she’d recorded weeks ago. She recognised the woman crime writer.

The camera moved around the various guests and Suzette saw herself on screen, watched herself uttering those words, “Sometimes I wish I could just be me.”

Thoughtfully Suzette muted the TV sound. Had this latest accident just granted her unacknowledged wish? She looked down at her injured leg. Her knee was showing signs of a big colourful bruise while her ankle was already two or three times its normal size. Suzette sighed. She’d been here so many times in the last few years.

But with the understudy now dancing in her place she didn’t have to try and rush getting fit. This Monaco show had been her only engagement of the year until Malik’s Paris show in the autumn. Malik.

Would he still want her to dance in view of this recent catastrophe? Would he take the risk with her again? He’d already agreed with her that Swan Lake in Paris would probably be her own swansong from the world of ballet. She couldn’t bear it if he cancelled her contract saying she wasn’t fit enough to dance, thus denying her a final performance and all the accolades usually given to a retiring dancer.

Suzette straightened her shoulders. There was a whole summer before then—more than enough time to recuperate from these injuries and get completely fit again. Banish the ‘face it your dancing days are finished’ demons. One more chance to show them what she could do and then—obscurity.

Carefully she stood up and reached for the walking stick that someone in the theatre had handed her as she left. Leaning heavily on it she made her way across the room and, after picking up the phone, asked for room service.

“I will need some help tomorrow morning, please,” she said. “About ten o’clock? Thank you.”

Thoughtfully replacing the receiver, Suzette began to make plans for the following day. Malik would be busy giving Donna extra coaching and then there was the dress rehearsal in the afternoon so she doubted she’d see him before dinner tomorrow evening. A fact which suited her well in view of the decision she’d just come to.

She sat down at the small desk, found a pen and took a piece of the hotel stationery.

“Darling Malik, I felt it best if I left. Hope the show is a huge success. See you in Paris. Love Suzette.”

She’d ask reception to give it to him tomorrow evening when he returned. She knew if she stayed and told him personally he would try to persuade her otherwise. It was best if she just left Monaco without telling him.