Kitabı oku: «Gina's Little Secret», sayfa 2

CHAPTER THREE

BY THE time the neuro registrar arrived, Marco was feeling decidedly out of sorts. It seemed that every time he closed his eyes that young nurse would appear and start talking to him. He was sick and tired of her shrill little voice buzzing in his ears like a demented wasp. Why hadn’t that other nurse come back, he thought impatiently, the one who had spoken to him so gently? He could put up with her disturbing him very easily.

He frowned as once again a memory tried to surface only to disappear the moment he attempted to capture it. He was more convinced than ever that he had met her before, but if that were the case then why hadn’t she said something? His head ached even more as he tried to work it out but it was just too difficult. Hopefully, it would all come back to him in time, all the good memories as well as the bad, like those about Francesca.

Sadness welled up inside him and he closed his eyes, afraid that in his present state he would do something unforgivable like cry. After Francesca had died, he hadn’t cried, hadn’t been able to. He had been too numb at first, too eaten up by grief later to give vent to his emotions. Over the years it had become increasingly important that he shouldn’t break down. He had needed to remain strong if he was to stick to his decision never to allow himself to fall in love again. There had been just that one time he had wavered, when he had realised that he was letting himself feel things he shouldn’t …

‘Dr Andretti? I’m Steven Pierce, the neuro registrar. Sorry about the delay but it’s been like a madhouse today.’

The memory melted away and Marco’s eyes shot open. He stared at the man standing beside the bed then let his gaze move to the woman beside him. So she was back, was she? She had deigned to spare him some time now that her colleague had decided to pay him a visit?

Marco’s irritation levels shot up several notches and he glared at the younger man. ‘About time too. Is it normal practice to leave a patient suffering from a head trauma in a busy ward like this?’ His gaze skimmed around the room, taking stock of the patients and their visitors, and his expression was frosty when he looked at the nurse. ‘The noise level in here is appalling, Sister. If I was in charge of this department then you can be sure that it would be run along very different lines.’

‘But you aren’t in charge, are you, Dr Andretti?’

Her voice was still soft, but there was a coolness about it that stung and Marco’s frown deepened. However, before he could say anything else the younger doctor intervened.

‘Unfortunately, AAU is one of the busiest departments in the hospital. We think we have a tough time on the wards, but I don’t know how the staff here copes with all the comings and goings.’

Marco inclined his head, acknowledging the rebuke and the justification for it. He had been rude and there was no excuse for that. ‘Of course. I apologise if my comments caused offence, Sister. Mi scusi.’

‘There is nothing to apologise for.’

Her tone was still chilly and he felt a prickle of disappointment nibble away at his irritation. For some reason he couldn’t explain, he didn’t want her to be so distant with him. The thought surprised him so that it was a moment before he realised the registrar was speaking again.

‘I noticed that you spoke Italian just now, Dr Andretti. Obviously, some aspects of your life are starting to return.’

‘Si,’ he concurred slowly. ‘I realised earlier that English wasn’t my first language, but it is only now that I know Italian is.’

Steven Pierce nodded. ‘It’s a start. You will probably find that bits and pieces come back to you in no particular order. You’ll recall one event and not recall something else that happened at the same time.’

‘You think it is retrograde amnesia,’ Marco queried.

‘Yes, more than likely. Most people with amnesia suffer a gap in their memory that extends backwards from the onset of the disorder. When you hit your head during the accident that was the start and now you’re finding it difficult to recall what went on before then.’ Steven smiled. ‘However, the fact that you are able to diagnose your own condition is another indication that your memory is starting to return.’

‘Bene. It is not pleasant to not know who you are and what has happened to you,’ Marco admitted. He glanced at the nurse and felt surprise run through him when he saw the alarm on her face. It was obvious that something was troubling her even though she was doing her best to disguise it.

She must have sensed he was looking at her because she glanced round and he saw the colour run up her face before she turned away, busying herself with rearranging the water jug and glass. Marco knew that it was merely an excuse to avoid looking at him and felt more perplexed than ever. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her what was wrong when the younger man continued.

‘I’d like to move you to the neuro unit so we can run some tests, but unfortunately we’re short of beds right now.’ He turned to the nurse. ‘I’m afraid Dr Andretti will have to stay here for tonight, Gina. Sorry about that.’

‘It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.’

She summoned a smile but Marco could tell how strained it was even if the other man didn’t appear to notice. He listened without interrupting while the registrar explained that he would like Marco to be kept under observation. If he was honest, his attention was focused more on Gina than on the plans for his ongoing care.

Marco shivered as he silently repeated the name. Once again there was that flash of recognition, the feeling that he had met her before. He tried to force the fog from his brain but it wouldn’t lift. Was he imagining it? Was his brain trying to compensate for its lack of memories by creating new ones?

As a doctor, he knew it was possible. False memories could be implanted in a person’s mind; it was a proven fact. But why would he want to do such a thing? Surely he wasn’t so desperate to ease his loneliness that he would choose to latch onto a total stranger?

That was another memory, the fact that he was lonely. Marco let it settle in his mind then dismissed it as he did every single time. He wouldn’t allow himself to wish for more than he had. He’d had everything a man could have dreamed of once and lost it. He couldn’t and wouldn’t go through that agony again.

His heart began to pound as he looked at the woman standing beside the bed. Maybe he couldn’t recall where they had met but he knew—he just knew—that they had! In that second he realised how vital it was that he regain his memory as quickly as possible. He had to find out why Gina was pretending not to know him.

The evening wore on, bringing with it the usual mix of the mundane and high drama. Gina had worked on AAU for almost two years and had seen it all before, but that night seemed very different from all the others. She was so conscious of Marco’s presence that her senses seemed acutely heightened. The noise level was extremely high; the number of visitors per bed did need reducing; waiting times were too long—people needed to be seen by a specialist far sooner than was currently happening.

She sent Julie off to clear the ward of excess visitors. Two per bed was the designated limit and she intended to stick to that. While Julie was doing that, she phoned all the departments that were supposed to be sending someone down to see a patient, refusing to accept the usual excuse that they were short of staff. As she politely reminded them, AAU was for acute cases only. It wasn’t an overflow for the various wards. She had just finished when she heard a monitor beeping and Rosie came rushing into the office.

‘The man in bed seven can’t breathe!’ the student gabbled at her.

‘Have you put him on oxygen?’ Gina asked, getting up. She didn’t say anything when Rosie shook her head. She would run through the emergency procedures again with her later, after they had dealt with this crisis. Hurrying into the ward, she picked up the oxygen mask and swiftly fitted it over the patient’s nose and mouth. ‘Just try to breathe normally, Mr Jackson. That’s it, nice and steady now. Good. You’re doing great.’

She checked the monitor, noting that his pulse rate was much faster than it should have been and that his blood pressure was too low. Philip Jackson was forty-four years old and had been admitted via ED after complaining of being short of breath. His symptoms had disappeared since he had been on the unit and Miles Humphreys had concluded that the man had suffered nothing more serious than a panic attack. Miles had overruled her suggestion that Philip should remain there overnight for monitoring and had discharged him. Philip had actually been waiting for his wife to collect him when this had happened.

Gina bit back a sigh as she turned to Rosie. Miles wasn’t going to be happy about being proved wrong. ‘Can you ask the switchboard to page Dr Humphreys, please?’

She picked up the patient’s notes as Rosie hurried away. The best way of dealing with Miles, she had found, was to be totally clued up about every aspect of a case. There was nothing of any significance in the notes that ED had made so she delved further into the file, frowning when she discovered that Philip Jackson had undergone surgery to repair a hernia three months earlier. It hadn’t been included in the patient’s recent history, but could it have a bearing on his present condition?

Miles arrived a few minutes later. Gina’s heart sank when she saw him striding down the ward because she knew he was going to give her a hard time. Why wouldn’t he just accept that she didn’t want to go out with him? You couldn’t make someone want to be with you, as she knew from experience. Unbidden her gaze went to Marco and she felt heat flow through her when she discovered that he was watching her. She hurriedly turned away, forcing herself to concentrate as Miles demanded to know what had happened.

‘Mr Jackson has had difficulty breathing again.’ She kept her gaze on the patient but she could feel Marco’s eyes boring into her back. Had he remembered who she was? she wondered sickly. It was obvious that his memory was starting to return, so it could happen any time. What was she going to say if he asked her about her life? Could she simply ignore Lily’s existence, pretend that she didn’t have a daughter?

‘I asked you a question, Sister. If it isn’t too much to expect then I would like an answer.’

The sarcasm in Miles’s voice cut through her musings and Gina jumped. ‘I’m sorry, what did you say?’

Miles’s expression darkened. ‘I asked if any of the staff were present when the patient started to complain of shortness of breath.’

‘No,’ she replied truthfully. ‘Rosie came to fetch me when the monitor started beeping.’

‘I see. It appears that things are getting rather slack around here. If you’d been keeping a closer eye on your patients, Sister Lee, this might not have happened.’

Gina forbore to say anything. She knew that Miles would love it if she argued with him. The fact that he had discharged Philip Jackson didn’t matter, it seemed. She waited silently while Miles examined him. Although Philip was responding to the oxygen, his blood pressure was still low. He also complained of having a pain in his chest which was worse every time he breathed.

‘Keep him on oxygen for now and we’ll see how he goes,’ Miles instructed after he’d finished. ‘I’m still not convinced it isn’t another panic attack.’

‘According to his notes, Mr Jackson had surgery to repair a hernia almost three months ago,’ Gina pointed out levelly. ‘Could that have any bearing on what’s been happening recently?’

‘Certainly not.’ Miles’s tone was scathing. ‘If there was a problem following surgery, it would have shown up before now. I suggest you stick to nursing the patients, Sister, and leave the diagnoses to those of us who are qualified to make them.’

Gina’s face flamed. It was galling to be spoken to that way. The visitors at the next bed had obviously heard what Miles had said because she could see the sympathy on their faces. However, before she could say anything another voice cut in.

‘Sister has raised a valid point. It is an established fact that a pulmonary embolism can occur up to three months following surgery.’

Gina swung round, her eyes widening when she saw the grim expression on Marco’s face. He wasn’t looking at her, however; he was staring at Miles. His deeply accented tones were icy as he continued.

‘I suggest you send the patient for a scan to rule out that possibility.’

A rush of heat ran up Miles’s neck. ‘I assure you that there is no need for you to get involved, Mr … um …’ Miles stopped, obviously at a disadvantage because he didn’t know Marco’s name.

‘Andretti. Dr Andretti,’ Gina told him, placing just enough emphasis on Marco’s title that Miles couldn’t fail to notice it. ‘Dr Andretti is an expert on trauma care,’ she added sweetly.

‘Oh, I see.’ If anything, Miles went even redder. ‘Thank you, Dr Andretti. Rest assured that I shall bear your advice in mind,’ he blustered.

Marco’s expression didn’t soften. ‘You would be better off sending the patient to Radiology rather than waste time thinking about it. If it is a pulmonary embolism then time is of the essence.’

‘I … ahem … yes, of course.’ Miles hurriedly scribbled an instruction to that effect and thrust it into Gina’s hands. ‘See that Mr Jackson is sent for a scan immediately, Sister.’

‘Of course,’ Gina murmured as Miles hurried away. She told Philip Jackson that she would arrange for a porter to take him and moved away from the bed, pausing as she drew level with Marco. She wasn’t sure why he had stood up for her, but she had to admit that it felt good to know that he had. She forced that foolish thought aside as she smiled politely at him. ‘Thank you, Dr Andretti. I appreciated your help just now.’

‘Prego!’ He shrugged, drawing her attention to the solid width of his shoulders beneath the thin hospital gown. Although there wasn’t an ounce of spare flesh on him, he had a leanly muscular physique that looked impressive in or out of clothes.

The thought was more than she could deal with and she started to move away, only to stop when he caught hold of her hand. Gina could feel the light pressure of his fingers on her skin and a wave of longing suddenly shot through her. It had been three years since she had felt his touch, three years since any man had touched her, because she’d not had another relationship since. Maybe that explained why it felt as though there was fire, not blood, running through her veins.

‘I was happy to help … Gina.’ His gaze held hers fast and she felt her heart rate increase when she saw the question in his eyes. In that second she knew that he had recognised her and panic rose up inside her.

‘Look, Marco, this really isn’t the time or the place to discuss what happened between us,’ she said urgently.

‘No? Then when would be a good time?’

His tone was even so it was impossible to guess what he was thinking. Gina struggled to regain her control. She still hadn’t made up her mind if she intended to tell him about Lily. When she had first found out that she was pregnant, she had decided to contact him. After all, he’d had a right to know that he was to be a father, although she’d planned to make it clear that she didn’t expect anything from him. However, when she had failed to contact him by phone and the letter she had sent to his home had been returned, unopened, she had changed her mind.

Marco had made it abundantly clear that he wasn’t interested in anything she had to tell him. To her mind, he had forfeited any rights he’d had and she wouldn’t contact him again. However, that had been before he had reappeared in her life. Even though she loathed the idea, it made a difference. It was hard to know what to do, although one thing was certain: until she had made up her mind, she needed to stay calm.

‘I don’t know. The last thing I want is people talking, so maybe it would be better if we left things as they are until you’re discharged.’ She gave a sharp little laugh, hearing the strain it held and praying that Marco couldn’t hear it. ‘That’s assuming we have anything to talk about. After all, it’s not as though we parted the best of friends.’

CHAPTER FOUR

1 a.m. 12 December

MARCO couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t just the fact that he wasn’t used to being surrounded by so many people that had kept him awake, but what Gina had said: It’s not as though we parted the best of friends.

It didn’t take a genius to work out that they must have had a relationship, but what sort exactly? The obvious answer was that they’d had an affair, but although there were gaps in his memory, he remembered enough to know that he didn’t normally indulge in affairs. The thought of moving from one woman to the next purely for sexual gratification was anathema to him, but if that were the case, it meant that Gina must have played a very different role in his life.

He closed his eyes, wishing he could recall what had gone on between them. Oh, he could remember all sorts of things now: where he had worked for the past few years—six months in Australia followed by two years in the USA. He also remembered why he had come to England—he had been head-hunted by one of London’s top teaching hospitals. He should have been attending an interview for the post that very day, in fact. He would have to contact them and explain why he wasn’t able to make it, although that didn’t seem nearly as important as this. Why couldn’t he remember what Gina had meant to him? All he knew was what she had told him, that their parting had been less than amicable. Hell!

Marco swore softly as he tossed back the bedclothes. Thankfully, his headache had gone and apart from the swelling above his right ear, there were few physical mementoes of the accident. If he could only fill in these gaps in his memory, he would be fine and definitely well enough to leave here. Quite frankly he’d had enough of being a patient!

His mouth compressed as he made his way down the ward. He knew the two nurses had gone for their break because he had seen them leave. It meant that Gina was on her own, so it would be the ideal time to talk to her. He frowned as he stopped outside the office because he still didn’t understand why she had been so reluctant to admit that she knew him. Obviously something serious must have happened between them in the past and he wouldn’t rest until he found out what it was.

The thought spurred him on. He didn’t bother knocking before he opened the door. Gina was sitting at the desk and he saw the surprise on her face when she glanced up.

‘You were quick,’ she began then trailed off when she saw him.

Marco saw the colour drain from her face and the fact that he had no idea what he had done to cause her to react that way angered him. His tone was harsher than he had intended it to be. ‘I need to know what you meant when you said that we hadn’t parted the best of friends.’

‘And as I also said, this isn’t the time or the place to discuss it.’ She stood up abruptly. ‘Now, if you wouldn’t mind returning to your bed, I have work to do.’

She took a couple of steps towards him, obviously intending to usher him from the room, but he stood his ground. Drawing himself up to his full six feet he stared haughtily down at her. ‘I am not going anywhere until you explain what is going on. It’s obvious from what you said that we have met before, so why did you choose not say anything sooner?’

She turned away, taking her time as she sat down. Marco could tell that she was struggling to gather her composure and was more perplexed than ever. Even if they’d had an affair, this was the twenty-first century and most young women would take it in their stride. So what was she so afraid of?

‘I thought it best if I didn’t say anything.’

Her voice was so low that he wondered if he had misheard her and frowned. ‘Best? How? I don’t understand.’

‘Because … well, because they always say that it’s better if people remember things for themselves.’ She took a quick breath and hurried on. ‘If I’d told you everything I know about you then you’d never be sure if you’d remembered the details yourself or if I’d planted them in your mind, would you?’

It made sense, so much sense that Marco hesitated. It could very well explain why she had been so reluctant to acknowledge him and yet he had a gut feeling that there was more to it than that. A lot more, too.

‘I see. So it was purely a desire to help me that kept you quiet,’ he said smoothly.

‘I … Yes, that’s right.’ A little colour touched her cheeks as she reached for her pen. ‘I’m glad you understand that it was in your best interests that I said nothing, Dr Andretti.’

‘And how about your interests, Gina? Was it in your best interests that you remain silent, I wonder?’

He knew he’d scored a hit when he saw her face pale but, oddly, it didn’t give him any pleasure. To know that something must have happened in the past to make her so afraid of him was very hard to take. His tone was gentler when he continued, less confrontational. ‘Look, Gina, I don’t want to cause trouble. Not for you or for me. I just want to fill in as many of the blanks as possible.’

He shrugged, aware that it wasn’t usual for him to admit to any feelings of weakness. Normally he preferred to keep his emotions under wraps but he needed to draw her out, if he could. ‘I cannot begin to explain how terrifying it is not to be able to recall what has happened in your life. Even though I now remember quite a lot, there are many questions that still need answering.’

‘What sort of questions?’ she asked, and he frowned when he heard the tremor in her voice. It was obvious that she was under a great deal of strain and he hated to think that he was adding to the pressure on her, but he needed to find out all he could about this situation.

‘I don’t know!’ he declared in sudden frustration. ‘When you forget so much about your life, everything becomes a question. What do I enjoy doing when I’m not working, for instance? Where did I go for my last holiday? I can’t answer either of those things!’ He ran his hands through his hair, wishing he could physically force the memories to surface, and winced when his fingers encountered the tender spot above his ear.

‘Sit down.’ Gina was around the desk in a trice. She steered him towards a chair then went to the filing cabinet and switched on the kettle sitting on the top. ‘I’ll make you a cup of coffee. It’s only instant, I’m afraid. Sorry. I know you dislike it but it’s all we have.’

‘That is exactly what I mean.’ Marco sighed when she glanced round. ‘I didn’t know that I dislike instant coffee because I didn’t remember.’

The ghost of a smile touched her mouth. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything then you wouldn’t have been disappointed.’

Marco laughed. ‘Ignorance is bliss—isn’t that a saying you have in this country?’

‘Yes, it is.’ Her smile faded abruptly as she picked up the jar of coffee. ‘Sometimes it’s better to live in ignorance.’

Marco had no idea what to say to that. He knew instinctively that she wasn’t referring to his loss of memory and it puzzled him. What did she know that she didn’t want anyone to find out?

His breath caught as he watched her pour boiling water into the mugs because he realised that he needed to amend that question. What did Gina know that she didn’t want him finding out?

Gina placed the cups on the desk and sat down. She could feel herself trembling and took a deep breath. At some point during the past few minutes she had reached a decision. She wasn’t going to tell Marco about Lily. Maybe she would regret it later but she would worry about it then. Right now, it seemed more important that she keep her daughter’s existence a secret from him.

At the moment Lily was a happy and well-adjusted little girl. Gina had taken great care to ensure that the child enjoyed a stable home life. One of the reasons why she had ruled out having another relationship was because of the effect it could have on Lily. She had seen it happen to friends’ children. New partners arrived on the scene and the family’s dynamics had to alter accordingly. She didn’t want that for Lily, didn’t want her daughter to grow up surrounded by people who came and went in her life. She wanted Lily to have security.

If she told Marco about Lily, there was no knowing what he would do. Maybe he would be indifferent to the fact that he had a daughter but, more worryingly, he might want to play a role in the child’s life, at least for a while. She couldn’t bear to think that Lily might grow attached to him only to be let down at some point in the future. As she knew to her cost Marco could very easily change his mind.

Thoughts rushed through her head until she felt dizzy. She took a sip of her coffee, hoping it would steady her. If she was to stop Marco learning about Lily’s existence then she would need to be extremely careful about what she said.

‘How did we meet?’

She looked up when he spoke, feeling her heart jerk when she saw the way he was watching her so intently. He had always been very astute and she mustn’t make the mistake of underestimating him. Although she hated to talk about the past, she knew it would be better to tell him the truth—as far as she could.

‘I flew over to Florence to collect a patient you’d been treating,’ she answered, pleased to hear that her voice held no trace of the nervousness she felt.

‘I see.’ He frowned. ‘Obviously, you weren’t working here at the time.’

‘I worked for a company that repatriates clients to the UK when they’re taken ill abroad.’ She shrugged. ‘The gentleman I was due to collect had suffered a stroke. It was supposed to be quite straightforward. I’d collect him from the hospital and accompany him back to England. Unfortunately, he suffered a second stroke shortly before I arrived and you decided that he wasn’t fit to fly.’

‘So what happened then? Did you return to England?’

Gina heard the curiosity in his voice and realised there was no point prevaricating. ‘No. The patient’s family asked if I would stay while he was in hospital. He was on his own and they felt it would help if he had someone with him.’ She shrugged. ‘The family offered to pay my salary and the firm I worked for agreed to let me take some leave, so I said yes.’

‘For how long?’ Marco demanded.

‘Six weeks.’

His brows rose. ‘That seems an excessive amount of time to me. Surely your patient was fit to travel before then?’

This was the difficult bit, the part she didn’t want to explain. ‘Sadly, the patient died a week later.’

‘But you didn’t go home?’

She shook her head.

‘Why not?’

‘I’d never visited Florence before and it seemed like the perfect opportunity to see something of the city and surrounding area.’

‘So you stayed to do some sightseeing?’ His tone was flat and she couldn’t blame it for the shiver that passed through her. It took every scrap of composure she could muster to answer.

‘Yes.’ She stood up, making a great show of checking her watch. ‘I’m sorry but I really do need to get on.’

‘Of course.’ He stood up as well, looking so big and male as he towered over that her heart beat all the harder. ‘Will you just answer me one final question, Gina?’

‘If I can.’

‘Did you also stay on in Florence because of me?’

Gina bit her lip. She could lie, of course, but she knew him well enough to guess that he would see through it. Tipping back her head, she looked him in the eyes. ‘Yes, I did. Now, if that’s all …’

She walked around the desk, steeling herself as she passed him. How she ached to touch him, to lay her hand on his arm and tell him the rest, that she had stayed because she had fallen in love with him, had thought he had loved her too, but what was the point? No doubt Marco would remember it all in time, remember those few glorious weeks they’d had before he had realised that he had no longer wanted her, although his memory of what had happened must be very different from hers. Tears pricked her eyes and she turned away. She refused to let him see her cry, refused to let him take away her dignity as well as everything else!

‘I am sorry, Gina, so very sorry that I can’t remember.’

The regret in his voice was almost too much. Somehow she made it out of the door but it was hard to hold onto her composure. When Julie came back from her break, she told her she was going to the canteen and hurriedly departed. And as the lift swept her up to the top floor, the tears that she had held at bay trickled down her cheeks.

She had loved Marco so much! Loved him with her heart, her soul and every scrap of her being, but it hadn’t been enough. Not for him. He had taken her love and tossed it back in her face and there was no way that she would risk that happening again.

Gina took a deep breath as the lift came to a halt. Whatever she and Marco had had was over. What she needed to focus on now was Lily—the one good thing to have come out of the whole terrible experience. So long as Lily was safe and happy, nothing else mattered.

If he had hoped that talking to Gina would set his mind at rest, Marco was disappointed. He spent the night thinking about what he had learned or, more importantly, what he hadn’t. He sensed that Gina was keeping something from him and had no idea how he could find out what it was. Maybe he should wait until his memory returned of its own accord and go from there?

He sighed. He had no idea how long it would be before he could remember everything that had happened and he wasn’t sure if he could wait. It was obvious that Gina wasn’t going to tell him anything else, so if he was to find out what she was keeping from him then he would have to start digging for the information himself. And to do that, he needed to get out of here. When Steven Pierce arrived shortly after eight a.m. Marco could barely contain his impatience.