I’m sure a lot of people have skeletons in their cupboards, scandals that affect their families, or things they might have done long ago that they regret when they’re a bit older and wiser.
And that set me to wondering … What would happen if my heroine’s former indiscretions came back to haunt her? And how would she cope if those transgressions promised to ruin her career and maybe destroy her chance of happiness with the man she loves?
Well, to find out what happens you’ll need to read all about Ellie and James and their troubled path to true love.
Happy reading!
Joanna
When JOANNA NEIL discovered Mills & Boon®, her lifelong addiction to reading crystallised into an exciting new career writing Mills & Boon® Medical Romance™. Her characters are probably the outcome of her varied lifestyle, which includes working as a clerk, typist, nurse and infant teacher. She enjoys dressmaking and cooking at her Leicestershire home. Her family includes a husband, son and daughter, an exuberant yellow Labrador and two slightly crazed cockatiels. She currently works with a team of tutors at her local education centre, to provide creative writing workshops for people interested in exploring their own writing ambitions.
Cursed from an early age with a poor sense of direction and a propensity to read, Annie Claydon spent much of her childhood lost in books. After completing her degree in English Literature, she indulged her love of romantic fiction and spent a long, hot summer writing a book of her own. It was duly rejected and life took over. A series of U-turns led in the unlikely direction of a career in computing and information technology, but the lure of the printed page proved too much to bear, and she now has the perfect outlet for the stories which have always run through her head, writing Medical Romance™ for Mills & Boon®. Living in London, a city where getting lost can be a joy, she has no regrets for having taken her time in working her way back to the place that she started from.
Joanna Neil
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Cover
About the Author
Title Page
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Copyright
ELLIE SHIFTED RESTLESSLY on the barstool, crossing one long, elegant leg over the other. How much longer would it be before she could decently slip away from here? She cradled a cocktail glass between her fingers and watched her friends enjoying themselves. She was the only one out of kilter here.
The party was in full swing, the heavy beat of music drowning out the buzz of conversation, though every now and again a burst of laughter broke through the din. Some people were on the dance floor, and everyone seemed contented, eager to let their hair down.
If only she could feel the same way. She’d had an awful day, though, and she desperately wanted it to end. This was the last place she needed to be.
‘I’m glad you managed to get here tonight after all,’ Lewis said, moving closer. ‘I know you had to work late today.’ His hazel eyes were warm as he gazed at her. An errant lock of brown, wavy hair fell across his forehead.
She nodded and made an effort to put on a cheerful expression. But how much more small talk could she make? She’d spent the last hour doing that, and all the while she’d been hoping for the chance to say goodbye and leave the party relatively unnoticed, some time soon.
‘I had to try,’ she said. ‘I know how keen Zoe was to have us all come to her celebration.’ She smiled, seeing her friend circle the room, chatting to people who’d been her colleagues for the last few years. ‘I’ll miss her, but I’m glad she managed to get the promotion she wanted. It’s just sad that she’ll be moving away from here.’
‘Well, she’s only going as far as the next county—I dare say she’ll be coming back to Cheshire to visit us every now and again.’
‘Yes, I suppose you’re right.’ She drained the last of her drink and then said, ‘I haven’t seen your wife here tonight. Couldn’t she make it?’
Lewis shook his head and looked uncomfortable. ‘She … uh … had to go to another do. A family thing.’ His voice trailed off, and just as Ellie was absorbing that, Zoe came over to them.
Ellie’s eyes widened a fraction as she glanced at the man who accompanied her. His brooding gaze wandered over her in turn, and there was something about him that caused a frisson of awareness to shiver down her spine. Did she know him from somewhere? Snatches of memory flickered through her mind and dissolved as fast as they had come into being.
But how could she have forgotten him? He was tall, and exceptionally good-looking, wearing an immaculate dark suit. Peeping out from beneath his jacket sleeves, the cuffs of his shirt were pristine, fastened with stylish gold cuff links. But the feeling remained, niggling at the outer edges of her consciousness. She felt strangely uneasy.
‘Ellie, I must introduce you to James,’ Zoe said, bubbling with enthusiasm, her blonde hair quivering with every small movement she made. ‘He’s taking over from me at the hospital—honestly, I’m already regretting taking the new job. Would you credit it? Just as I’m leaving, he turns up?’ She rolled her eyes in an ‘Isn’t he to die for?’ kind of way, and James laughed, a soft, rumbling sound coming from the back of his throat.
He looked at Ellie, appreciation sparking in his smoke-grey eyes before he tilted his head in acknowledgement to Lewis.
‘It’s good to meet you, Ellie,’ James said, his voice a deep, satisfying murmur that whispered along her nerve endings and turned her insides to jelly.
‘Likewise.’
‘I understand you work with Lewis?’
She nodded. ‘We’re in different departments, but we’re both at the hospital. I’m a registrar in A and E.’
Ellie studied him from under her lashes. She could see what Zoe meant. He had the kind of looks that had her stomach doing peculiar flips, despite her initial misgivings about him, while her senses were falling over each other as they clamoured for attention.
He was gorgeous, there was no doubt about it. He had black hair, beautiful grey eyes and perfectly proportioned, angular features, along with a body that was lithe and muscular, radiating energy. Even in her present unhappy state of mind she managed to register all those things.
James turned to Lewis. ‘Hi,’ he said. ‘Are you and Jessica still coming over to the house this weekend?’
‘Yes, we are.’
‘Good. We’ll look forward to seeing you there.’
Lewis nodded. ‘James is my cousin,’ he explained to Ellie. ‘He’s always taken it on himself to watch out for me. I lost my parents when I was in my teens, you see, and his father took me in.’
‘Ah, I see.’ She hesitated. ‘I’m sorry to hear about your parents, I never knew that. I guess there must be a strong bond between you and your cousin because of that—you’re a bit like brothers, I suppose?’
‘That’s right.’
‘I make sure he stays on the straight and narrow,’ James said with a smile. ‘Though I’ve been away for a while and perhaps I need to catch up with the latest news. I’d no idea he was working with such a beautiful woman.’
Seeing their absorption with one another, Zoe gave a satisfied smile and walked away from them, taking a reluctant Lewis along with her. ‘I want you to meet a friend of mine,’ she told him.
Ellie set her empty glass down on the bar and glanced at James. ‘I thought I caught a glimpse of you earlier,’ she murmured. Even then, she’d been on edge without knowing why. Perhaps it was all down to the horrible day she’d had.
He smiled. ‘Same here. I saw you come over to the bar a few minutes ago. The truth is,’ he confided, ‘I’ve been badgering Zoe to introduce us ever since.’ His glance wandered over her, drifting down over the dress that clung where it touched, over her long, silk-clad legs, still crossed at the knee, and came back up to linger on the mass of burnished chestnut curls that lightly brushed her shoulders.
Her skin heated as though it had been licked by flame. No man had ever had this effect on her, turning her body to fire with a single glance.
She struggled to get control of herself, and then looked at him once more. Perhaps she knew him from seeing him around the hospital?
‘I heard you’ve already started working in A and E,’ she said, ‘but I don’t think we’ve actually met before this, have we? Somehow, I had the feeling …’ She added quickly, ‘It gets so busy in the emergency unit, I don’t always have the opportunity to meet up with new people straight away.’
‘I’ve been working the night shift,’ he answered, ‘getting to know the lie of the land. Officially, my job as consultant doesn’t start for a couple of days.’ He studied her once more. ‘I feel I do know you already, though. I often watch your TV programme—Your Good Health.’ He gave her a crooked smile, and there was a mischievous glint in his eye.
‘I have to tell you, you’re my very favourite TV presenter—you look terrific both on and off camera, and you make medicine seem like child’s play. I imagine every red-blooded male who watches the programme secretly yearns for you to be there to mop his brow.’
She laughed. ‘I very much doubt that, but thank you anyway. I enjoy doing the show. It makes a change from A and E and I hope I might be doing some good, maybe helping people to look after themselves.’
‘I’m sure what you do is extremely useful.’ He looked at her empty glass. ‘Can I get you a refill?
She shook her head. ‘Actually, I was just about to leave. It’s been a long day, one way and another. I think I’ll ring for a taxi.’
‘You’re not enjoying the party?’ He frowned. ‘I wondered if there was something amiss when I saw you earlier. You seemed preoccupied, a little despondent maybe? Is it something you want to talk about?’
‘Not really.’ She eased herself off the barstool, pulling down the hem of her dress and smoothing the material over her hips. His gaze followed the movement of her hands and she said huskily, ‘There’s no reason for me to spoil your evening by involving you in my problems. I’ve had a difficult day and I should never have come here, but I didn’t want to let Zoe down.’
‘I understand.’ He frowned. ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. Maybe I could see you home? I have my car outside. Whereabouts do you live?’
‘Ashleigh Meadows, but I don’t want to put you out. I’ll be fine, really. You should stay and enjoy the party.’
‘That’s okay. It’s no trouble. I didn’t intend to stay long anyway.’ He glanced at the gold watch on his wrist. ‘I have to be on duty at the hospital in just over an hour, and Ashleigh Meadows is on my way.’
‘Oh, I see.’ She hesitated. It wouldn’t hurt to accept his offer, would it? ‘Well, in that case, okay. Thanks.’ She glanced quickly around the room. ‘I’d better take a minute to go and say goodbye to Zoe.’
He nodded and went with her, and a few minutes later they were both sitting in his luxuriously upholstered car, with the air-conditioning switched on and soft music coming from the CD player. She gave him directions to her house, and after driving for a few minutes James turned the car onto the Ashleigh Road. Ellie sat back, lulled by the soft purr of the engine, trying to relax and let the music soothe her battered soul.
James slanted her an oblique look. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to tell me about it? Whatever it was, it seems to have made a powerful impact on you. Was it personal or something that happened in A and E?’
Her first instinct was to stay closed up and keep things to herself. She certainly wasn’t going to tell him her worries about her brother and his constant battle with debt. Noah had phoned her first thing that morning, worried about the way things were going with his finances. She loved her younger brother and would do anything she could to help him out, but his situation troubled her.
But as to the other problem—what was the point in keeping it to herself after all? No one could make it better, but perhaps talking it over with a colleague might help her to come to terms with what happened.
She gave a shuddery sigh. ‘A patient died,’ she told him. ‘I know it happens from time to time, and as doctors we should be able to deal with it, but this was someone I knew—the aunt of an old schoolfriend of mine. I knew her quite well and it was such a terrible shock when she died. It was upsetting that I couldn’t save her. I kept asking myself if I did everything possible.’
His brow creased in sympathy. ‘I’m sorry. It must have been terrible for you to go through that, especially with someone you knew.’ He turned off the main road and the car’s headlights picked out the country lane, stretched out like a ribbon before them, throwing the overgrown hedgerows on either side into deep shadow.
She nodded. ‘But it was worse for Amelia. Her aunt virtually brought her up, and she was devastated when she died.’ She hesitated, her voice dropping to a hoarse whisper. ‘She blames me for letting it happen.’
He exhaled sharply. ‘You mustn’t take it to heart. It’s the shock—sometimes people just can’t accept it when a loved one dies. They say and do things while they’re emotionally upset and often come to regret it afterwards. I’m sure you did everything you could for your friend’s aunt.’
Ellie winced. ‘I’m afraid Mel doesn’t see it that way. Perhaps if she knew me better she might have more confidence in me, but we lost touch after we left school and moved in different circles.’ She frowned, thinking back over what had happened. ‘She thinks I should have changed her aunt’s medication and sent her for surgery, but I’m not sure if there was anything I could have done to change the outcome.’
‘What was wrong with her aunt?’ He slowed the car as a cluster of houses came into view, yellow points of light illuminating the village in the darkness.
‘There was an inflammation around her heart. She was brought to A and E in a state of collapse, with severe chest pain and breathlessness. I put her on oxygen and monitored her vital signs, did blood tests and sent her for a CT scan, as well as echocardiography.’ She sucked in a breath.
‘The tests showed that she had an acute bacterial infection that had caused the pericardium to become congested with purulent matter. I put her on strong antibiotics and started to drain the pericardial fluid, but in the end her heart simply stopped.’ Her voice choked. ‘I think her age and general frailty worked against her. Her heart couldn’t take the strain.’
‘And you explained all that to your friend?’
She nodded. ‘Yes, but I don’t know whether she took it all in. I fetched her a cup of tea and sat with her for a while, and tried to explain, but it was as though she was frozen. She seemed not to hear what I said. She was upset and angry at the same time.’
He pressed his lips together in a grim line. ‘It happens that way sometimes.’
‘I suppose so.’ She looked out of the window as the cottages drew near. ‘Mine’s the old farmhouse,’ she told him. ‘Turn next left, and it’s at the end of the track.’
A short time later he pulled the car up on the gravelled drive outside the brick-built house. A lantern in the wide, slate-roofed porch gave off a welcoming glow, highlighting the ivy-covered walls and the tidy front garden.
‘Judging from what I can see by the light of the moon, you have a very attractive place here,’ James commented.
Ellie nodded. ‘I’m glad you like it. I’d had my eye on it for a while, and when it came on the market I jumped at the chance to buy.’ She gave a wry smile. ‘It needed a lot of renovation, so at least it was within my budget. I like it because it’s not crowded out by other properties—there’s just the converted barn across the courtyard at the back of the house.’
She paused then asked hesitantly, ‘Do you have time to come in for a coffee before your shift starts? I could give you a quick look inside, if you like.’ She’d only just met him, but he had a warm and sympathetic manner, and she wanted to be with him just a little bit longer.
‘That would be great, thanks. I like these old farmhouse cottages—they have a lot of character.’
‘That’s how I feel, too.’ She slid out of the car, leaving its comforting warmth for the coolness of the summer evening, and together they walked to the front door. ‘Though cottage is perhaps a bit of a misnomer—it’s quite cosy inside, but there are two storeys.’
The door opened into a large entrance hall, and she led the way from there to the kitchen, where James admired the golden oak beams and matching oak units.
‘This was the first room I renovated,’ she said, spooning freshly ground coffee into the percolator. ‘The beams were dark with age, so I had them cleaned up and then picked out cupboards to go with the new, lighter colour.’
James nodded. ‘They make the room look warm and homely.’ His gaze went to the gleaming range cooker that she’d lovingly restored and which had pride of place in her kitchen. ‘That must help heat up the kitchen.’
She nodded. ‘It does. I love it—I spend lots of time experimenting with new recipes—it’s kind of a hobby. Cooking helps me to unwind.’ She smiled. ‘Though I live here on my own, so I often have to share what I’ve made with the family across the way … the people who live in the converted barn.’
He looked her over, amusement sparking in his eyes, and once again she experienced that odd feeling of familiarity, as though she knew him from somewhere in the past, but once again the circumstances eluded her.
‘You cook as well?’ he said. ‘Wow. Fortune’s following me around today—I must have stumbled on my dream woman!’
She chuckled. ‘I wouldn’t get too carried away, if I were you—I didn’t say I was any good at it.’
He laughed, and while the percolator simmered, she showed him the living/dining room that was tacked on to one end of the open plan kitchen. ‘I had the wall taken down,’ she said, ‘to make the place seem bigger. I was a bit worried it might not work out too well.’
‘I don’t think that’s a problem at all.’ He stood close to her as they surveyed the room, and all she could think about was his nearness, the long line of his strong and lean body, the way his arm inadvertently brushed hers and sent a ripple of heat surging inside her.
He glanced at her, and there was a stillness about him that made her wonder if he’d experienced that same feeling. He seemed distracted for a moment or two and then appeared to force his attention back to the subject in hand.
‘It all seems to work pretty well. The dining area goes on from the kitchen, and the living room is part of the L-shape, which makes it kind of separate. All the rooms benefit from the extra space.’
She nodded, struggling to regain control of herself. ‘That’s what I was hoping for. There’s a small utility room as well, so I have just about everything I need here. I’m really fortunate to have this place, but it’s the extra money from the TV show that funded all the renovations.’
‘I can imagine.’ His mouth made a crooked line. ‘But as an avid fan, I’m convinced you’re worth every penny they pay you. You explain things in a way people can understand, and make the programme lively and interesting at the same time.’
‘I’m glad you think so, but it’s all down to teamwork really. It doesn’t take too long to make the programmes, so it’s worked out pretty well for me, all in all.’ She sent him a quizzical glance. ‘Perhaps it’s something you’d like to try? The producers are always looking for new presenters.’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t think so. I’m busy enough as it is. I’ve enough going on outside medicine to keep me occupied. So time out for a spot of rest and relaxation would be first on my agenda, and I like to spend it on my boat, where I can get away from everything and everyone.’ He sent her an oblique glance, his mouth making a teasing curve. ‘Is there any chance you might want to join me? I could set aside a few days especially for you and we could maybe spend a long, lazy weekend together.’
She gave him an answering smile. ‘That’s a tempting proposition, James, but I’d really have to give it some thought.’ It had definite appeal, but some innate sense made her hold back.
She’d been in relationships before, which had promised so much and then proved to be a huge letdown. Perhaps her background, the disintegration of her family life had made her cautious about expecting too much. ‘We barely know each other, after all.’
‘That could soon be remedied.’
They walked back to the kitchen, and Ellie poured coffee, smiling faintly as the tempting aroma teased her nostrils. Despite her reservations, she liked being with James. She’d been feeling thoroughly down in the dumps and somehow he’d managed to pull her out of the swamp of depression.
She handed him a cup and he added cream and sugar, stirring thoughtfully. ‘So how did you get into the TV business?’ he asked, as they sipped the hot liquid. ‘Were you spotted by a talent scout prowling the emergency unit?’
She laughed. ‘No such luck. I know someone who works at the studios, and she suggested I might like to try it. I’d written a few articles for magazines and made a couple of videos for students that turned out all right, so she thought I might take to it.’
‘And I guess she was right.’
‘Mmm, it seems so.’ She rummaged in the fridge and the cupboard, looking for something to nibble on. ‘Would you like something to eat? Biscuits and cheese, or a slice of quiche maybe?’
He shook his head and took a quick sip of coffee. ‘Not for me, thanks,’ he said, and there was a hint of resignation in his tone. ‘I’m afraid I must be going very soon.’
‘Oh, of course. Okay.’ She felt a pang of disappointment because he was about to leave. They drank their coffees and talked about her TV work for a while longer. Then he put down his cup and started to head towards the door.
‘You said you lead a busy life,’ she murmured as she walked with him. ‘What is it that takes up most of your time outside work?’
‘I help to manage my father’s estate. The manager has taken extended leave to deal with a family crisis in Ireland, so I’ve had to step into the breach in the meantime.’
His father’s estate. She frowned, and all at once alarm bells started to ring faintly inside her head. Memories of her past came flooding back to haunt her, causing a feeling of nausea to start up in her stomach, and she tried to quash the thoughts that were crowding her mind. There wasn’t necessarily anything untoward in what he was saying.
‘His estate?’ she said in a guarded voice. ‘That sounds like something quite involved. What kind of estate is it?’
‘Farming, mostly, with a dairy and creamery on site. There are other things going on there as well—there’s an orchard, and a lake where people can go to fish.’ He glanced at her, as though gauging her reaction. ‘My father isn’t too well at the moment, so he’s finding it difficult to oversee things. He tried to get someone to take over the management on a temporary basis, but that hasn’t worked out so I’ve had to get involved.’
‘You’re talking about Lord Birchenall’s estate, aren’t you?’ She said it in a hoarse whisper, while the blood drained from her face. ‘You’re his son?’
‘That’s right.’ He studied her, his expression solemn. ‘Does it matter?’
‘I thought there was something about you—that I knew you from somewhere. I just never dreamt …’ She pulled in a shaky breath and then looked up, her gaze meeting his. ‘You’ve changed. You’re so much more …’ She broke off. The gangly youth she remembered was gone.
This man was muscled, toned, his features etched by the trials and tribulations of the years that had passed. ‘I don’t suppose you remember me?’ He’d headed off to medical school when she had been around thirteen or fourteen years old. Why would he have given her a second thought?
‘Of course I do. It was a long while ago, and you’ve filled out in all the right places, but how could I forget you, Ellie? You were always up to something, climbing trees, camping out in the woods. I watched out for you, in case you landed yourself in a scrape.’
He’d watched out for her? She cast that thought to one side. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you knew who I was all along?’ A flash of bitter defiance shot through her, making her green eyes spark with anger. ‘You should have said something right at the start, when Zoe introduced us.’
‘And lose the chance of talking to you?’ His dark brows lifted. ‘I may be many things, Ellie, but I’m not a fool.’
‘No, you’re Lord Birchenall’s son—and you’ve been brought up to believe in his values and everything he stands for.’
‘And what would those be, Ellie?’
‘That all that matters is his own comfort, his own perfectly organised way of life.’ She bit out the words through clenched teeth as she gave vent to her feelings of resentment and betrayal. ‘Nothing must get in the way of his wellbeing, must it? Woe betide any hapless worker who falls foul of Lord Birchenall.’
‘Aren’t you being a little melodramatic?’
She gasped. ‘How can you say that to me? My father was Lord Birchenall’s estate manager for a dozen or more years until your father sacked him and threw him off his land. We lost everything … the house that went with the job, our livelihood, our unity as a family.’
‘I know that must have been a tremendous blow to you, but are you so sure your father didn’t bring it on himself? I remember my father being angry, at the end of his tether. Things had not been running smoothly, there were glitches, problems. I don’t know all the reasons why it happened, Ellie, but I’m sure my father wouldn’t have acted without due cause.’
‘And you didn’t care what became of his family afterwards?’
‘That’s not true. I did care. But I went away to medical school around about that time, and I didn’t know what went on after I left. I asked my father what happened to you and he said you’d moved to a house in the village.’
She opened the front door and stood to one side to let him pass.
‘What else could we do? We had to move in with friends for the first few months. He ruined our lives, that’s what happened.’ She pressed her lips together to hold back the anger that was taking hold of her. ‘I’d hoped I could put it behind me after all these years, but now it’s come flooding back with a vengeance.’
She stiffened, bracing her shoulders, and her gaze locked with his. ‘You should go,’ she said.
He stepped outside into the porch, and then turned to face her once more. ‘I’m sorry you feel this way. It was all a long time ago. Maybe it’s time for you to let it go.’
‘I don’t think that’s possible.’
‘That’s unfortunate.’ He frowned, studying her face in the moonlight. ‘Goodnight, Ellie.’ He nodded briefly and then strode across the gravelled drive to his car.
She watched him go. She’d thought the day couldn’t get any worse …
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