Kitabı oku: «At Her Service», sayfa 3
Four
And that was a word he’d never thought to use in a sentence.
Married.
He scraped one hand across his jaw and looked down into Kelly’s sea-green eyes. Jeff had never once in his entire life considered the idea of marriage. Hell, why should he? He’d spend most of his growing-up years in a too-crowded county home. And when he’d finally been placed in a foster home, he’d seen up close and personal just how miserable a bad marriage could be on everyone.
He’d escaped that home as soon as he turned eighteen and enlisted in the Corps. There, he’d found his niche in the world. The one place he belonged. The notion of honor and duty had struck a chord with him, giving Jeff the firm footing he’d always craved. He’d excelled in marksmanship and handling explosives, eventually earning himself a spot in Recon Forces, the Marine Corps’s answer to the Navy SEALs—only better. It was an important job and a dangerous life. One that didn’t lend itself to home-and-hearth type relationships. Which had never bothered him any, since until Kelly he’d never really had anyone to care about.
And as to being a father? Well, that went along with marriage in his mind. He’d been the unwanted child of an unwed mother and wasn’t about to foist that burden on some unsuspecting kid of his own.
Nope. Emily was his daughter. And he was going to do right by her.
“We are not getting married,” Kelly told him with a shake of her head.
“Oh, yes, we are,” Jeff told her. “As soon as I can arrange it.”
“Listen, Jeff,” she said.
“No,” he interrupted her quickly. He knew what his duty was here. He’d left Kelly holding the proverbial bag eighteen months ago. Okay, sure, he hadn’t known about it. But now that he did, he was going to make up for not being around when she’d needed him.
He’d thought of Kelly so often during the past year and a half. Every dream was filled with her image. Every spare moment, his thoughts turned to her. He’d mailed postcards from every port, enjoying for the first time actually having someone at home to write to. It hadn’t mattered that there’d been no way to receive mail from her. It had been enough just knowing she was there. At home. Safe. He’d enjoyed the thought that she might actually miss him. And how many times had he wondered if she thought of him as much as he had her?
Well, now he knew that she couldn’t have helped thinking of him. She had a living, breathing reminder of him right there with her, twenty-four hours a day.
And something inside him was so damn grateful that she hadn’t ended the pregnancy. That she hadn’t given his child away. Emotion coiled in his gut, and he fought it down. The only way to win a battle was to stay clearheaded, and judging by the look in Kelly’s eyes, they were about to go to war.
“Jeff, getting married isn’t the answer here.”
“What is?” he asked, and from the corner of his eye, he saw little Emily pulling herself up in the crib again. Strong, he thought. And healthy. And damn pretty, he told himself.
Kelly opened her mouth, then snapped it closed again. Lifting both hands high, she let them fall back to her sides and then shrugged. “I don’t even know if there is an answer. I just wanted you to know about Emily. I want you to be a part of her life, if you want to.”
“If I want to?” he asked. Could she really believe that he’d turn and run when confronted with a child he’d created? Did she think so little of him?
“Wrong choice of words,” she said, lifting one hand, palm out in a peaceful gesture. “Of course you want to. All I meant was that Emily deserves to know her father.”
Yeah, he thought. She did. But what would she think of a man who didn’t have the slightest idea of just how to be the father she deserved? Would he let her down? Would he not be good enough?
The baby slapped at his hands, still curled around the top rail of the crib. Jeff’s gaze shifted to the little girl, and he found himself staring into eyes so much like his own, it was eerie. An unseen fist tightened around his heart and squeezed until the sensation was damn near painful.
Then Emily grabbed hold of a fistful of his shirt and lifted one small foot as though trying to climb the bars enclosing her. She wanted up and she wanted him to lift her. Just why that hit him so hard was a mystery to Jeff, but giving in to the child and his own temptation to hold her, he cupped his hands beneath her arms and picked her up. Her feet bounced and kicked and she threw herself at him, trusting him to hold on to her. To keep her safe.
And as easily as that, she fell into his heart. And that heart, the one he’d thought was so insulated against love, stirred with feelings so deep and so thick, he wasn’t sure what to do about them. Just as he didn’t have a clue what to do about Kelly.
Granted, his proposal wasn’t the most romantic one in the world. But hey, he’d never done this before.
One arm cradling her well-padded behind, Jeff kept his free hand on Emily’s back to make sure she wouldn’t take a dive backward. And while he held her, inhaled the now recognizable scent of baby powder, he turned to look at Kelly again.
Late-afternoon sunlight streamed through the window and set the fiery colors of her hair aflame. A half smile curved her lips, and the unmistakable sheen of tears clouded her eyes as she looked at him with their daughter. “She likes you already.”
He hoped so. “Kelly …”
She shook her head before he could get started. “Don’t start the marriage thing again, Jeff. Please.”
“Did you really think I wouldn’t want to get married?”
She laughed shortly and scooped a handful of her hair back from her forehead. “I didn’t know what to think. Jeff, we hardly knew each other.”
He didn’t believe that. In the two weeks he’d spent with Kelly, he’d felt closer to her than he had to anyone else in his life. And he knew she’d felt the same connection. What other reason was there for two perfect strangers to meet and then spend every waking minute together?
Okay, sure, there was the physical side of it. The sex had been amazing. But there was more there than just the lovemaking. They’d talked, and taken long walks on the beach. She’d told him about her job as a kindergarten teacher, and he’d told her all about the Corps and what it meant to him to belong. Maybe they hadn’t learned everything about each other then—he certainly didn’t remember hearing about four brothers—but it hadn’t been a casual fling. He’d had enough of those to know the difference.
“You knew, Kelly,” he said softly, daring her to deny it. “You knew I’d want to marry you.”
She sighed heavily and admitted, “Yes. I guess I did.” After all, her brother Kevin was a Marine, and that was exactly what he would have done in this position. And precisely what he’d insisted all along that Jeff do as soon as he returned. The Marines must drill honor and duty into these guys day and night, she told herself.
But even as that thought entered her mind, she discounted it. It wasn’t the Corps talking here. It was Jeff. She’d known from the first moment she met him that he was a decent, responsible man. It was only natural that he would propose. Just as natural as it was for her to refuse him. “Then what’s the problem?” Jeff asked. “The problem,” she said, tipping her head back so she could meet his gaze squarely, “is that a baby is not reason enough to get married.”
He snorted a choked-off laugh. “I don’t know why not.”
“Because we’d be getting married for all the wrong reasons.”
“To protect Emily is the wrong reason?” “Of course not,” she snapped, and then lowered her voice when the baby’s eyes went wide and confused. “But we don’t have to be married to protect our daughter.”
“To protect her from some things we do.” “Like?”
He ground his teeth together for a long minute, then blurted, “Like to keep her from being called a bastard, for instance.”
Kelly drew her head back and stared at him. Was he serious? “For heaven’s sake, Jeff. This isn’t the fifties. There’s no stigma attached to a child anymore.”
He shifted his gaze from her to their daughter. “Maybe not to adults, but other kids know just how to hurt each other. And trust me when I tell you that sticks and stones aren’t the only things that can hurt a child.”
Old pain flashed across his features and was gone again so quickly, Kelly couldn’t be sure she’d seen it at all. But listening to the sound of his voice convinced her that he’d had some experience with nasty children.
“We can love her enough that it won’t matter to her,” she said, laying one hand on his arm.
“It’ll matter,” Jeff said quietly. “She won’t say so, but it’ll matter.”
Her heart ached for the boy he’d once been, but because he’d suffered didn’t mean the same thing would happen to Emily. She would keep her daughter safe. She would go on providing a warm, loving home for her. And she didn’t need a husband to do it.
All her life, Kelly had been surrounded by men trying to tell her what to do and how to do it. She’d learned young how to stand up for herself, how to withstand well-meant bullying, and she wasn’t about to back up now. The one thing she didn’t need in her life was one more male issuing orders.
“Then I’ll just have to teach her to ignore them.”
“Damn it, Kelly,” he said, tearing his gaze from the baby still clutched tightly to his chest, “we made this baby. It’s our responsibility to take care of her.”
She sighed inwardly. It was a hard thing to fight against a man’s sense of honor. But she wouldn’t be the pill he had to swallow. The medicine he had to take. The bed he had to lie in simply because he’d made it.
“Jeff,” she said, “you don’t owe me anything. I’m perfectly capable of raising Emily on my own.”
“I didn’t say you weren’t.”
“I know, but you’re not listening to me. I didn’t want anything from you. I just wanted you to be able to know your daughter.”
“Kelly …”
She shook her head, and hoped he would quit arguing. That he would accept her decision and let it be. But she had a feeling there was as much chance of that as seeing snow on an Easter Sunday at the beach.
A part of her wished things could be different. Those two weeks with Jeff had been almost … magical. She’d never felt such an instant oneness with anyone before. It was as if from the moment he’d plucked her unconscious from the ocean and breathed life back into her, they’d been bound together. He touched her in so many ways. Her heart ached when he left, and she’d looked back on every minute of their time together, wondering if she’d somehow imagined it all.
Until, of course, the stick turned blue and she’d discovered she was pregnant. Then it was all too real. Then she was left to wonder about Jeff, worrying about where he was, what he was doing—while at the same time dealing with her own changing life. And four irate brothers.
And now that Jeff was back, the magic between them was still there. She’d felt it the moment he’d kissed her out on the front lawn. But it wasn’t just the two of them anymore. Now there was Emily to consider.
And how could she agree to marry Jeff, knowing that he’d only proposed because of their daughter? She didn’t want a husband who felt as though he’d been pushed into a marriage. Heck, she’d never really wanted a husband at all. She didn’t need one more man in her life, even if it was the man who could set her body on fire with no more than a glance.
A quick flush of heat stole over her body, and in an effort to conceal it, she snatched the baby from Jeff’s arms and held her tight. She ought to be ashamed, hiding behind her daughter. But at the moment, she was too desperate to argue the point.
“Emily deserves a mother and a father,” he said, his gaze moving over his child’s features as if he just couldn’t look at her enough.
Kelly fought back a thread of temper. She’d give him a little leeway here. After all, he’d only just found out about Emily. “She has a mother and a father,” she said, proud of her quiet self-control.
“Together, Kelly,” he said, in a tone that reminded her far too much of her brothers when they were on a “we-know-best” kick.
Instinctively, Kelly’s spine went ramrod straight.
“She deserves to have two parents. Together.” Jeff threw his hands wide. “Hell, every kid deserves that!”
That last sentence came a little loud for Emily’s tastes, and the little girl screwed up her face and let out a wail that had Jeff’s face blanching.
“What is it?” he asked. “What’s wrong with her?”
“What’s wrong,” Kelly snapped, feeling the last of her patience unravel, “is that her father shouted and scared her.”
Shame swept across his features, and he ducked his head and winced when Emily kept crying. “I didn’t mean to scare her.”
“I know that,” Kelly said. “She, unfortunately, doesn’t.”
Jiggling the baby in her arms, she cooed and whispered to her, inhaling the sweet, soft scent that was Emily’s alone. And as the baby quieted again, Kelly felt her heart swell to bursting with love for this tiny person who was so much a part of her world now, she couldn’t imagine life without her. Looking up at Jeff, she saw regret shining in his eyes and took pity on him. “It’s okay, Jeff. She’s fine.” “She’s got a great set of lungs,” he muttered, and winced again when the baby turned a tearstained face toward him. He reached out one hand to her, but before he could touch her, he curled his fingers into a tight fist and let his hand drop to his side. “Look, Kelly,” he said, “maybe I said this all wrong. And I know that wasn’t the most romantic proposal in the world. But I just want to do the right thing here.”
“I know that, Jeff,” she said. “I really do. But getting married just isn’t it.”
Kelly noticed his jaw muscle twitch and she knew she hadn’t heard the last of this conversation. He had thirty days’ leave, and knowing Jeff, he would be there every day of it. He would slide back into her life. Into Emily’s life.
And she didn’t know if she could stand that, knowing that he’d only be leaving again.
Five
Back at his hotel room … alone, Jeff sat in the dark staring out at the moonlit ocean five floors below him. From a distance, he heard voices drifting in the night air and knew that other couples had found each other in the darkness. And he felt more isolated than he ever had before.
Sighing to himself, Jeff eased down into one of the twin chairs positioned on the narrow balcony, propped his feet on the rail in front of him and stared out at the ocean. Moonlight glimmered on the water’s surface, laying down a silvery path toward eternity. Stars were sprinkled across the black sky, and a soft, cold wind blew in off the ocean, tugging at the collar of his shirt. A chill crawled down his spine, but he shook it off, too intent on his thoughts to worry about the cold.
He’d left Kelly just an hour ago, but she hadn’t been off his mind for an instant. Of course, her image in his brain now shared space with his daughter’s tiny face.
His daughter.
Jeff reached up and scraped one hand across his face as if he rubbed hard enough, he could wipe away the confusion … the shock that still reverberated throughout his body. But it wouldn’t be that easy. Hell, nothing would be easy ever again.
His entire world had shifted, moved into a brand-new sphere, and he didn’t have a clue what to do about it. Reaching for the bottle of beer sitting on the table beside him, Jeff took a long drink, then set it down again. All of his life, he’d avoided committing to anyone or anything besides the Corps.
Not that he had anything against commitment—it was just that he’d never really thought of himself as the family type. What did he know about families? Nothing, that’s what. And hell, little girls?
He reached for his beer again, even knowing that it wouldn’t do any good. What he needed was a plan. Some idea of what to do next. Some help. But there was no help to be had. He was on his own. As he had been most of his life.
That thought floated to the surface of his mind, and he pushed it aside. No time for regrets. This was a time for action. But what kind of action? He’d already proposed and been turned down flat. Hell, he’d argued till he was blue in the face, but Kelly, stubborn woman that she was, hadn’t given an inch. Ordinarily, he would have enjoyed that. He liked a strong woman. One who could stand on her own two feet. But damn it. Not now.
“Back to a plan,” he muttered, not thinking twice about talking to himself. He usually worked out his problems best when speaking them aloud. Somehow, it seemed easier that way. “So what I need here is a battle strategy. This is no different than sneaking into enemy territory. I’ve got to reach my objective and get back out before the enemy knows what’s up.” Unfortunately, the enemy in this case was Kelly.
She was standing firm against him and what he knew was the right thing to do. And he had to find a way around her defenses.
He knew how he’d like to get around them, and as images chased each other through his mind, his body went hard and his blood boiled in his veins.
Damn, he wanted to touch her. Wanted to feel her soft, smooth skin next to his. “Okay,” he told himself firmly, “that’s not going to get you anywhere.” Except right where he wanted to be. Inside her.
Jeff yanked his feet off the rail and stood up, a sudden, restless energy pulsing through him, demanding action. Maybe a run on the beach, he thought, glancing down at the nearly deserted stretch of sand. He had to move. To get his blood pumping. And since what he wanted to do was denied him … at least for tonight, a fast five-mile run would have to do.
Turning around, he marched into the hotel room, stalked across the mini-living room of the small suite and entered the bedroom. He tugged his T-shirt off, then bent to take off his boots. As he pulled off his socks and undid the top button on the fly of his jeans, a knock on the door stopped him.
Frowning, Jeff moved soundlessly across the carpet, back through the living room to the small entryway. He turned the knob, yanked the door open and stared, openmouthed at Kelly.
Her mouth went dry.
Good God, she thought, her gaze sweeping over him quickly, thoroughly. She’d actually forgotten just what a hunk Jeff Hunter really was. His bare chest looked as though it had been sculpted by a master out of teakwood. Tanned and smooth, his skin rippled with row after row of well toned muscles. His abdomen was flat with a few stray curls of dark hair that disappeared beneath the unbuttoned waistband of his jeans. His bare feet were braced wide apart in a fighting stance. One hand rested on the door while the other was fisted at his side. High up on his shoulder, she saw the Marine Corps tattoo that she vividly remembered tracing with her tongue one memorable night.
Mercy. She actually felt heat streaming through her body. Every nerve ending went to full attention, and she knew that if he so much as touched her, she’d splinter into a thousand pieces.
Oh, she hoped he would.
His pale blue eyes watched her, and Kelly licked dry lips before speaking, desperately praying her voice would work.
“Maybe I should have called,” she said finally.
“No,” he said, and his voice scraped along her spine, sending goose bumps racing up and down her arms. “It’s fine. I was about to go for a run—”
“Oh, then I’ll—” Leave? She didn’t want to leave.
“No,” he said quickly. “It’s okay. I’m just surprised to see you, that’s all.”
Of course he was surprised, she told herself. He’d left her only an hour ago with the promise that they’d meet tomorrow to talk some more. But she hadn’t been able to sit still once he was gone. She’d waited eighteen months to see him again, and now that he was home, she didn’t want to wait another minute.
“I know we said tomorrow,” she said with a shrug, “but I thought … why put off till tomorrow what we could—?” She stopped, smiled and shrugged again. “You know.”
“Yeah.” He shoved his free hand into his pocket, and Kelly’s gaze was drawn to the action. Naturally, she also noted the distinct bulge in his jeans, and another shiver coursed through her. Her knees were shaky, so she locked them in place to keep from melting into a tidy puddle in front of him.
“Where’s the baby?” he asked. “Uh, Kieran’s staying with her.” Thankfully, she had one brother at least who was a romantic at heart. He’d come as soon as she’d called and hadn’t said a word when she told him where she was going. He’d only said that she should take her time, and that he was prepared to spend the night if she needed him to.
Of course, if Jeff didn’t make her feel a bit more welcome pretty soon, she could be home again in ten minutes.
As if he knew just what she was thinking, he stood back, held the door wider and said, “Come in.”
That’s a start, she thought and stepped past him into the shadowy interior of the hotel room. The curtains were open on the sliding glass doors leading to the balcony, and moonlight poured into the room. The sheer white drapes ruffled in the ocean breeze and almost looked like ghosts writhing in the darkness.
The door closed behind her, and she felt Jeff step up close, pause, then move past her, farther into the room. He flipped a switch on the wall, and a small pool of lamplight banished the shadows.
Kelly swung her shoulder purse off her arm and tossed it onto the closest chair. Now that she was here, she wasn’t at all sure where to start. She ran her damp hands down the legs of her jeans and told herself to say something. Heck, say anything.
“I know Emily was a big shock …” Well, duh.
“Yeah,” he said, taking a step toward her, then stopping again. “You could say that.”
“Jeff, I would have told you earlier if I’d had any way of getting in touch with you.”
“I know that.”
“And I’m sorry my brothers were there.”
“Can’t blame ‘em,” he said stiffly. “I figure my name hasn’t exactly been popular around here for the last year and a half.”
That was putting it mildly, she thought. Ever since she’d found out she was pregnant, her brothers had wanted nothing less than either a marriage—or Jeff’s head on a plate. And they really hadn’t cared which it came down to, either.
But that decision wasn’t up to them, as she’d spent the past eighteen months telling them. This was between she and Jeff. No one else got a vote here.
“Let’s leave them out of this for now, okay?” she asked, not really wanting to talk about her brothers at the moment.
He nodded and pinned her with a look that nearly set fire to her jeans. “Trust me. I’m not thinking about your brothers right now.”
Oh, man. Kelly swallowed hard and walked toward him, one slow step at a time. “What are you thinking about?” she asked, and was amazed that she’d managed to squeeze that many words past the knot of pure, soul-deep hunger lodged in her throat.
He shook his head. “You know damn well what I’m thinking about, Kel. The same thing I’ve been thinking about and dreaming about for the last eighteen months.”
“You, too?” she asked before she could stop herself. It probably wasn’t playing the game to admit to a man just how badly you wanted him. But then again, who was playing here?
She took another step and came within reaching distance. His gaze moved over her face, her hair, her body like the tenderest of lover’s touches, and her heartbeat quickened into double time.
“Every night,” he said, his voice a low scrape of sound in the stillness, “whenever I closed my eyes, you were there. Your scent. Your taste.”
Her knees wobbled dangerously.
“Your touch,” he whispered, and lifted one hand to smooth his fingertips along the line of her cheek and jaw.
She trembled and fought for breath.
“It’s been a long time,” she said softly, her gaze locking with his.
“Too damn long,” he agreed, and cupped the back of her neck with one hand, drawing her closer still.
She went willingly, laying her palms against his chest, feeling the hard, solid warmth of him. His heartbeat pounded quickly beneath one hand, and she knew her own heart was keeping time. Her blood felt hot and thick in her veins. Her head spun dizzily at his touch, and her breasts ached.
Kelly stared up into those blue eyes of his and read the hunger written there. Seeing his desire, so naked, so pure, touched a match to her insides and ignited an inferno within. Slowly, so slowly, the expectation was darn near painful, he lowered his head toward hers and she rose up to meet him.
This, she thought. This was why she’d come. This was why she hadn’t been able to wait until tomorrow. She’d needed to have his hands on her. Needed to kiss and be kissed. Needed to hold and be held. Needed to lie beneath him, feeling him fill the emptiness inside.
And then his mouth came down on hers, and she stopped thinking. Her brain clicked off and her body clicked on. Sensation rippled through her, and she slid her palms up his chest and around his neck. Holding on to him tightly, she felt his arms slide around her and lock like twin steel bands, pinning her to his body with an easy strength she remembered all too clearly.
He parted her lips with his tongue and claimed her anew. Breath mingling, sighs exchanged, their tongues met in a clashing dance of need and want. He shifted one hand to the back of her head, threading his fingers through her hair and holding her for his kiss. A kiss that gave, as well as took. She clung to him, tasting him, teasing him, aligning her body along his. And it wasn’t nearly enough. There were too many clothes separating them. She needed to feel his skin against hers.
His hands swept around and up, cupping her breasts, thumbing her nipples through the soft angora sweater she wore. Kelly tore her mouth free of his and moaned gently at his touch. “Jeff …”
“I know, baby,” he muttered thickly. “Me, too. I need to feel you. All of you. Now.”
“Yes,” she murmured, opening her eyes briefly to look up at him. “Now. Please.”
Jeff’s hands dropped to the hem of her sweater, and in one swift move, he had it up and over her head. Tossing it to one side, he ran his hands up and down her back while his gaze locked on her lace-covered breasts. Fuller, he thought. Rounder than before. And still so damn perfect.
She trembled against him, and that gentle movement echoed inside him. Reverently, he lifted both hands to the front clasp between her breasts and deftly undid it. She sucked in a huge gulp of air as the bra came loose and stood perfectly still when he scooped it off her shoulders and down her arms.
“Beautiful,” he whispered, and cupped her breasts in his palms.
“Jeff …” she said on a sigh.
His thumbs and forefingers tweaked her already rigid nipples, tugging and pulling gently until her breath came short and fast. She reached out and held on to his forearms, curling her fingers into his skin until her trim nails dug into his flesh. Then he dipped his head and gave into the urge riding him. Taking first one nipple and then the other into his mouth, he tasted her, rolling the sensitive tips with his tongue, swirling across her skin, luxuriating in the feel of her beneath his mouth.
“Oh, my,” she whispered. “I missed you so much.” And she held on tighter even while she arched into him, offering herself to him, silently demanding he take more, give more.
So he did. He suckled her, drawing on those pink tips until she quivered in his grasp and only his hands at her waist were holding her upright. And when she groaned, deep and low, he straightened up and looked down into her eyes. Keeping their gazes locked, he unbuttoned her jeans and pulled the zipper down. She smiled at him. A soft, small, knowing smile and then returned the favor.
She slowly undid the buttons on his fly, and each time her knuckles brushed his skin, he sucked in another gulp of air and knew it would never be enough.
She freed him from his jeans and curled her fingers around his hard flesh. Jeff clenched his jaw and pulled air in through gritted teeth as he slid one hand down the front of her jeans and beneath her silk panties to cup her heat.
The smile on her face died instantly, but her fingers continued to work their magic on his flesh as he delved first one finger and then two into her hot center.
She rocked her hips against his hand, lifting up, moving so that he could touch her more fully, more completely.
“Jeff,” she whispered, “I can’t … I can’t breathe.”
“Then don’t,” he told her, his own voice tight. “Just feel.” He smoothed the tip of a finger across her most sensitive spot, and she groaned, adjusting her stance to give him more access. Again and again, he touched her, rousing her, pushing her higher and higher, all the while trying to control his own response to her hands on him.
Her breath came fast and furious. Her body trembled. And when she cried out his name and fell against him, shaking with the force of the climax pounding through her, he carefully eased her down onto the floor. There he whisked off her clothes, got rid of his own and paused to grab a condom from the pocket of his jeans. When he was protected, he pushed himself inside her warmth and relished the feel of her legs lifting and coming around his waist.
This, he thought, feeling her body surround him, hold him, this was what he’d waited for. What he’d missed. This one woman. This one place where everything else in the world fell away.
He’d lived through misery and combat and loneliness, but here with her, none of it mattered. She held on to him, her hands running up and down his back as she urged, “Again, Jeff. Take me there again. It’s been so long.”
