Kitabı oku: «Healed By Their Unexpected Family», sayfa 3

CHAPTER THREE

‘THIS ISN’T HOW it was supposed to be. Liam and Tom were going to be the parents. Once I gave birth, my part was done. It certainly wasn’t intended to be a dictatorship run by you.’ Kayla promptly burst into tears and Jamie’s elation at getting the upper hand instantly gave way to something more sympathetic.

He hadn’t come here to antagonise her. Since Tom’s death, all he’d wanted was to be part of his baby’s life and to be a dad. The flirty nature of their relationship had to change in the wake of their loss. He’d changed, knowing he had new responsibilities to meet, and Kayla was a part of that new chapter. Upsetting her further wasn’t going to do anyone any good.

‘Why don’t you sit down?’ He pulled over one of the high-back stools from the breakfast bar. Now that pig-headedness had left her he could see how vulnerable she was. It must be hard for that little body of hers to be carrying that bump along with the hopes and dreams of both their brothers.

‘Stop telling me what to do!’ she yelled at him, her face scarlet as she vented her fury. Tears soon followed the outburst as her sobs ricocheted around the kitchen walls before hitting Jamie square in the chest. So much for wanting the best for mother and baby. He’d added more stress on top of already losing her brother.

Jamie backed away, crouched down with his hands raised in surrender as though pacifying a dangerous animal before it could attack. ‘I was only trying to make you more comfortable. I don’t want the baby to be in any danger because you’re all worked up.’

He didn’t suppose she had a blood-pressure cuff tucked away with her bongo drums and crystals in her birthing accessories. In this instance he might well make a dash out to his car where he had one in his bag for emergencies. He’d like to check her blood pressure. That was if she’d consent to him being close without hitting him with something.

‘Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!’ Her voice gradually grew louder until she was verging on the edge of hysteria. Kayla stomped her foot on the floor with that final instruction.

Jamie could only watch in horror as a trickle of liquid soaked her trousers and splashed on the tiled floor.

‘Okay. Don’t panic, but I think your waters have just broken.’ He dared to venture into her personal space, put an arm around her shoulders and guided her towards the living room.

‘It’s too early.’ She was clearly in shock since she permitted him to lead her.

‘Not really. The baby’s viable at this stage. No need to panic. Now, do you have something I can put down to protect the sofa?’

She was waddling even more than usual, but she didn’t put up any further protest. ‘There are towels in the wooden chest in the corner.’ There was a dazed quality to her voice he wasn’t sure was preferable to the ranting she’d been doing only moments earlier.

The area she directed him to was separate from the rest of the furnishings in the room. A circle of primary-coloured over-sized cushions on the floor had been carefully arranged. It had the appearance of a giant, gaudy bird nest, but this wasn’t the time for him to make any further mocking comments. He ignored the questions burning to be asked, the jokes begging to be made, to retrieve a couple of faded grey towels from the chest.

‘I’ll phone ahead to the labour ward and let them know you’re coming in. My car’s outside. I can drive you to hospital.’ He covered the seat cushions as best he could to enable her to sit down until he brought the car around to the front door.

‘How many times do I have to tell you I want a home birth? Cherry is my doula. Phone her and my midwife. Their numbers are in the birth plan in my bag.’ She directed him back to the weird cushion nest where her labour bag was sitting waiting for this very moment.

‘I’ll phone them for you but as you’re not full term I’d prefer to get you to hospital.’ He was doing his best not to be confrontational but when they held such conflicting views on the subject he knew he was fighting a losing battle.

‘This is your fault. You’ve ruined everything. I’m not letting you take this away from me too.’ Kayla let out an anguished cry and doubled over, clutching her belly.

‘Contraction?’ He crouched down in front of her, timing it with his watch.

She nodded, her face contorted with pain, and Jamie wished he could swap places with her. All he could do was hold her hand and wait until the pain subsided. He didn’t care that she’d almost cut off his circulation she was squeezing him so hard.

It was his fault. He’d been so determined to be part of this he’d trodden all over Kayla’s feelings to the point of starting her labour. When all she’d wanted was a peaceful birth.

‘I’ll phone Cherry, so she can come and sit with you, and I’ll let the midwife know labour’s started.’ It was the least he could do.

‘You’ll stay with me until she comes, right?’

He made a move to get the numbers from the file, only for Kayla to grab his hand again. It was the first indication that she wanted his help, though he knew it was only through her fear of the unknown. He wanted to be here for her, holding her and providing the support he’d so far failed to give her.

‘If it’s all right with you I’ll be staying until the baby’s born.’ That way he could make his own observations and decisions about how the labour was progressing. If he had any inkling at all anything was wrong, he’d be straight on the phone to the hospital.

‘I don’t want you interfering any more than you already have, Jamie. Get Cherry here.’

‘How about a compromise? I’ll stay, at a distance, but the first sign of anything untoward and we’re back to civilisation for help.’

‘Fine. Just get Cherry.’ Another sob erupted, followed by a further contraction. This baby was apparently in a hurry to meet its parents.

Kayla tried her best to think away the pain, to focus on the beautiful baby she would have at the end of this. To no avail. She’d been through innumerable labours and births, but panic had set in when she’d experienced that first vice-like pain for herself. She wasn’t ready to become a mother.

‘I’m surprised none of my patients ever slapped me when I told them to breathe through this. It’s easier said than done.’ With the next wave of agony, she attempted to channel it into Jamie via his fingers. He deserved to share in every aspect of this labour if he was so keen.

‘I guess you don’t want me telling you you’re a good girl, then?’ His grin soon changed to a grimace as she tightened her grip. She trusted there was sufficient venom in her stare to prevent him from making further patronising comments even in jest.

The sound of the doorbell saved his fingers from being completely mangled but did leave her temporarily without an outlet for her pain. It was worse being alone for the few seconds it took him to answer the door. That brief time, sitting on her own in the quiet room with her baby on the way, confronted her with the truth she had to do this without Liam and Tom’s support. Heaven help her, she needed someone with her for this. Even if it had to be Jamie.

‘Hey, honey. Is it that time already?’ A waft of gardenias announced Cherry’s arrival and was enough to set off a new rainfall down Kayla’s face.

‘Contractions are already four minutes apart. The midwife is on her way.’ It was Jamie who provided the details Cherry needed to help organise the labour. Strange, when he’d made it clear he didn’t agree with her methods, but he was here, supporting her decisions after all.

Cherry came to sit beside her on the couch. ‘Goodness. We’d better get you organised. Jamie—’

‘Dr Garrett,’ he corrected her. It was likely his attempt to assert some authority in a situation where he knew he had none.

Cherry, like Kayla, wasn’t someone easily intimidated. ‘I’m sure Kayla has told you we want to create an informal atmosphere here. If you don’t mind, I’ll stick to Jamie. Now, if you could go and make us all a cup of tea, I’ll help Kayla change out of these wet clothes.’

Everything in his tense jaw said he did mind. Nevertheless, he did leave the room for them to have their privacy.

‘The father, I take it?’ Her best friend, doula, and all-round good egg, Cherry, helped her to strip off.

‘Not the one I’d planned on having around but he’s insisting on it.’

‘That’s not a bad thing when you don’t have Liam and Tom around any more. I mean, Debbie and I are here for you, but, you know, he’s family.’ Between them they managed to redress Kyla in the cotton nightdress she’d left by her pregnancy pad for labour. Although, if she felt the desire to do this naked at a later stage she’d still be shedding her outward skin, regardless if Jamie was here or not. Giving birth was not a time to worry about inhibitions.

‘You and Debbie are more family than Jamie. I hardly know him.’

‘Give him a chance, Kay. You two are in this together. Besides, he’s kinda hot. I’m surprised you two didn’t just conceive the old-fashioned way. I’m sure it would’ve been a hell of a lot more fun.’

‘Cherry!’ She didn’t share the fact it had nearly happened because any attraction had been rendered irrelevant. It was clear they couldn’t be in a room together without rowing. Sharing a bed would’ve caused fireworks. That was probably why she couldn’t get the idea out of her head.

‘What? I can still enjoy looking at a pretty package even if it’s not quite to my taste.’

‘I think your wife might have something to say about that.’ Her best friends were happily married but Kayla still experienced an irrational possessiveness over a man who wasn’t hers and never likely to be.

‘Debbie would be on my side.’

‘He’s the total opposite to his brother. Jamie is rude, annoying...rude, and a dinosaur.’

‘At least one of those statements is false. Would a dinosaur father a baby for his gay brother and his husband? I think not.’

Ugh. She was being too logical at a time Kayla was well within her rights to detest the father of her baby. She’d seen her share of women cursing the men who’d made them go through the pain of childbirth and she was no exception. Even if it was for a different reason. He wasn’t Liam or Tom.

‘Whose side are you on anyway? I thought a doula was supposed to keep me calm and agree with whatever I say?’

‘Not quite.’

‘Aagh!’ That intrusive cramping squeezed her body tight and stole away any thoughts on anything other than the pain.

‘That’s it. Deep breaths. In and out. Remember this is all for a reason. Your body is doing the most important job in the world for you and getting ready to deliver this baby.’

Kayla closed her eyes and visualised the tiny wonder she was going through all of this for and the joy she should feel at finally holding it in her arms. Not the terror that had her in its grip at the thought of what the future held for them both. She held Cherry’s hand until the contraction eased.

‘Sorry, Kay. From now on I’ll have my doula hat on and forget dishing out advice as your sassy best friend.’

‘Don’t let her disappear altogether. Your kind of truth is exactly why I wanted you with me for this.’ Tears began to well again at all the plans she’d made with the proud fathers-to-be.

Tom and Liam had been just as excited as her about the prospect of the birth and having Cherry there too had seemed like the icing on the cake. One big happy family. Now Cherry was the only thing left from those plans.

‘Tea’s ready, or whatever passes for tea in this house.’ Jamie returned, eyeing the cups on the tray with some suspicion. No doubt he’d prefer strong builder’s tea full of caffeine, milk and sugar to her herbal alternatives. Too bad.

‘There’s no room for your negativity here, Jamie. This birth is going to be a positive experience and that extends to accepting how I take my tea.’ She helped herself to a raspberry tea and waited to see how he’d react to his.

‘That’s right, and you need to rest between these contractions, Kayla. Sip some of your tea and close your eyes for a while. You’ll need all your strength.’ Cherry plumped the cushions around her back and Kayla did as suggested.

Experience watching her own patients told her labour could be a long and difficult road. The reward was always worth it in the end, but it took a toll on the mothers all the same. The unpredictable nature of labour meant any breaks should be taken advantage of when possible.

Another contraction hit and stole away any idea of relaxation. They seemed to be coming thick and fast and she couldn’t believe she’d worried that everyone would be sitting around the house waiting for labour to start. It was well and truly under way.

She could see Jamie frowning behind Cherry. ‘They’re only three minutes apart now. Where is this midwife?’

‘She probably thought she had a little more time to get here since it’s Kayla’s first baby. I’m sure she’s on her way.’ Cherry’s calm response prevented Kayla from panicking more than she already was. It was natural to be afraid of the impending birth, but she didn’t need the extra stress of doing it without her midwife.

‘So is the baby.’ His tone was accusatory, and, she suspected, directed at her.

‘I’ll give her another ring. Jamie, could you sit here with Kayla until I get back?’ Neither protested at Cherry’s request. He simply came to her side where he needed to be.

‘Are you comfortable?’

‘What do you think?’ She’d never been more uncomfortable in her whole life.

He ignored her death stare and her barking response. ‘I mean, can I help you get into a better position?’

Okay, maybe he wasn’t a complete nuisance. He could have his uses.

‘My back is killing me. I don’t know how women do this for hours, sometimes days on end. I want it over already.’

‘At this rate you might just have your wish. Why don’t we try you leaning over this and see if we can find you some relief?’ He pulled over the maroon velvet ottoman she kept her knitting in. Kayla noted he was using ‘we’ now. He’d committed to this birth with her and to be honest she was glad. She had a friend and support in Cherry, but if the midwife didn’t get here, she might need his medical expertise. He wouldn’t let harm come to this baby that had become so precious to him and therefore had to take care of her too until it arrived.

The pressure was already starting to build again, and she wanted to sob. Regardless that this was a happy event, she was tired and in pain already. She needed her big brother to hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be all right, the way he’d done her entire life.

Jamie helped heave her up from her position on the floor until she was on her knees, forearms resting on top of the ottoman. ‘We’re going to time this one.’

Kayla rocked her body, attempting to relieve the pain, resting her weight on her arms. The firm pressure at the base of her spine helped ease it and she realised it was Jamie, rubbing her back without her having to ask.

This one lasted longer than the others. Kayla heard a low moaning in the distance before she realised it was coming from deep inside her gut. She felt, and sounded, like a heifer about to give birth to its calf.

‘That’s it, Kayla. This one’s nearly over.’ The reassurance was as far from patronising as Jamie could get. He was encouraging her, cheering her on and telling her she could do this when she was full of doubt.

When there was a pause, he helped her back into a sitting position. She closed her eyes and waited for sleep. Jamie’s hand brushed the damp strands of her hair away from her brow. The cool touch of his skin against hers was a relief in itself and she held his hand there for maximum effect.

‘You like that, huh?’

She didn’t have to open her eyes to know he was smirking, knowing that he’d been needed here after all.

‘Uh-huh.’

‘I’ll get you a cold compress when Cherry comes back.’

On cue, she heard her say her goodbyes over the phone as she walked into the room. ‘Kayla—’

At the sound of uncertainty in the usually unflappable Cherry, Kayla snapped her eyes open, immediately on her guard.

Cherry approached from the opposite side to Jamie and patted her shoulder. ‘I don’t want you to worry, but the midwife’s been in an accident on the way over. She’s fine but she’s going to be a while longer.’

Concentrate on the breathing. One, two, three...

Jamie dropped her hand and got to his feet. She watched him pace the room with growing unease, rubbing his temple and doing his best not to explode at her.

Four, five, six...

‘What happens now?’

‘She’s phoned an ambulance for you and explained what’s happened. It all depends how quickly they can get here.’ That deathly pale colour didn’t suit Cherry at all. It wasn’t her fault this had happened any more than it was Kayla’s. No one could have predicted this. Except for Jamie.

‘I could still drive you there. If that’s what you want?’ The pleading was there in his eyes for her to go with him. To make some effort to get help in case something went wrong with the birth. She understood why, but his peace of mind wasn’t going to come before hers.

‘No. I’m having my baby at home.’ She kept her voice as calm and measured as she could, to let him know she was making this decision with a clear head. Despite having no pain relief or a midwife, she was still going to do this her way.

Instead of arguing with her, he turned to Cherry. ‘Have you delivered a baby before?’

‘No, I’ve seen plenty but it’s not my job to get in the way of midwives or doctors doing theirs.’

‘Doulas are there to support the mums, not intervene in any medical procedures. Generally, they’re not qualified for that.’ Kayla was but only because she’d worked as a midwife beforehand.

‘I want to make sure we know what we’re taking on here if the ambulance doesn’t arrive before the baby does.’ Unlike Jamie, Kayla didn’t want to think about that, but it was a scenario they had to consider.

‘All signs have pointed towards a healthy baby thus far. There’s no reason why this shouldn’t be a straightforward birth without complications.’ If there had been any problems during the pregnancy she would’ve been the first to put herself in the hands of the doctors. Her wishes wouldn’t come at any cost.

‘Let’s hope so.’ His sarcastic, ‘It’s only life or death,’ follow-up comment hung unsaid in the air between them.

‘What about you, Jamie? Have you ever delivered a baby?’ Thank goodness Cherry was here to provide a buffer between them and some common sense. In case any of them had forgotten in the heat of the moment, he was a qualified doctor.

‘A long time ago and it was an emergency. No one’s choice. Especially mine.’ He could continue to argue if he wished but this was still happening. Her belly began to tighten, her body gearing up for another round of fun.

‘You’re a doctor, I’m a midwife. I’m sure we’ll...manage.’ She ended on a gasp, her breath stolen by the strength of the contraction.

‘Good. This surge is powerful. It’s a sign we’re getting close.’ It was the kind of positive language she used as a doula too, but not even Cherry’s well-intentioned words could stop the sobs accompanying the now relentless stage of the birthing process.

She clung onto the fingers wrapped around hers but was dismayed to find they were Cherry’s, not Jamie’s. He was on his way out of the door, making her heart sink into the soles of her bare feet. If he left her now there was no chance they would ever work together as parents to this baby. Co-parenting required commitment and respect. Not stamping of feet until they got their own way. That went for her too. She might not have been ecstatic about his involvement, but he had earned his place here. If he still wanted it.

That dull ache at the base of her spine was becoming unbearable now. The groan she emitted was cathartic, but it was only when Cherry helped her into a position on all fours she found any relief.

‘Where did Jamie go? I need him.’ Everything around her shifted out of focus as she entered some sort of trance state, giving herself over to mother nature.

Her fevered forehead cooled with the application of a wet flannel placed against her burning skin.

‘I thought you’d gone,’ she managed, in between deep breaths, and hoped she wasn’t hallucinating Jamie’s return to her side.

He furrowed his forehead into a frown. ‘You want to give birth here so here is where I’ll be.’

He seemed irritated she would think anything less of him, but he’d surprised her by compromising for her benefit so soon. She’d feel safer knowing he was on hand to help if no one else got here on time. Not that she had much time to dwell on anything but herself for very long.

‘I can’t do this any more,’ she wept, wanting to collapse into a deep sleep and wake up when it was all over. Better still, to wake up and find the whole surrogacy idea had been a dream.

‘You can’t go back now. Don’t worry, it won’t be long.’ He was saying and doing all the right things. It made a change from their constant battle to be top dog. Jamie was all right when he wasn’t trying to take over all the time.

‘Let’s get her back against the cushions.’ He even did as Cherry bade him and helped manoeuvre her when there was a reprieve from the contractions.

‘I’ll take this away again. I don’t think it’s helping much now.’ He removed the not so cold flannel and rested his palm on her forehead instead.

‘That’s nice. You’re nice.’ The slight pressure along with his cool touch was equally welcome.

He brushed her hair away from her face again and repeated the soothing action until he’d nearly convinced her sleep was possible. Her body wasn’t long in reminding her that it wasn’t.

A strong pulling sensation tugged between her legs, along with the urge to get into a squatting position. ‘Give me a hand to get up, please.’

‘Do you want to push?’ Jamie moved front and centre, getting ready to deliver this baby who didn’t seem to care who was, or wasn’t, present for the arrival.

‘Kayla doesn’t want to traumatise the baby by forcing it out. The birth is to happen naturally.’ Cherry was only repeating what her client had told her, but on this occasion, Jamie was right. Her body was telling her to push.

‘I think it’s happening whether I like it or not.’

‘On the next contraction I want you to bear down. I’m going to have to push your nightdress up out of the way, okay?’

It wasn’t as though she could give birth without him seeing her, so she nodded. He was a doctor and it seemed ridiculous for her to start feeling shy now. Then the pain reminded her she didn’t care about anything other than getting this over with.

‘We can get through this.’ The other member of the cheer squad continued to rub her back, showing her support whatever decision Kayla made.

Both shouted their encouragement as she entered the final stage of her labour quicker than anyone had anticipated.

‘Hold on to my shoulders and hurt me as much as you need to.’ He made her smile with the sincere offer.

‘I’ll hold you to that.’

‘It’s a one-time deal. Only to be redeemed during labour,’ he said with a smile, which disappeared with her own as she cried out again.

‘Where is that ambulance?’ He rolled up his shirt sleeves as she pushed down on his broad shoulders, using him as leverage to encourage the baby out. In any other circumstances a father delivering his own baby should’ve been a wonderful bonding experience, but this wasn’t a normal set-up. With Jamie here, it made her feel less alone in her unexpected induction into parenthood.

‘Close your eyes and see your baby emerging into this new world.’ Cherry’s voice was the calm in the storm, keeping her grounded when she wanted to scream.

‘The baby’s crowning. I can see the head. You’re doing great, Kayla. Our baby’s nearly here.’

Our baby. That nugget barely registered amid her fugue, but it was an important reminder all the same. This was Jamie’s child too. No matter how unconventional the conception.

There was such a buzz in the room as they anticipated the moment they were all here for, Kayla dug deep for another burst of energy to push through the pain.

‘Kayla, I need you to hold off on pushing for a while. Cherry, can you come and give me a hand?’

‘Jamie? What’s wrong?’ She struggled to sit up. The atmosphere changed as Cherry and Jamie exchanged concerned glances. It was a surge of nausea that rose in her this time through fear she’d made a mistake by having the baby at home after all.

‘The umbilical cord is caught around the baby’s neck. I just need you to slow this down until I can untangle it.’

She’d probably seen and dealt with more occurrences of this than Jamie but that didn’t stop her from visualising her baby suffocating.

‘Panting breaths now, Kayla. There’s no need to panic. Jamie’s got this.’

The short, panting breaths Cherry coached her through helped stave off that urge to push, giving Jamie time to work so baby’s oxygen supply wasn’t cut off to the brain. This was his baby too and he wouldn’t let anything happen to it when he’d fought so hard to be here with her.

‘That’s it, Kayla. The cord’s free now. When the next contraction comes, baby will be here.’ It was the pride with which Jamie delivered the news that gave her the confidence that everything was going to be all right after all.

Jamie couldn’t quite believe he was here doing this. Delivering his own baby. None of this was what he’d expected to happen when he’d signed on to help his brother have a baby with his husband. Yet he wouldn’t want to be anywhere other than here right now, helping Kayla as she gave birth to their son.

‘It’s a boy.’ His cry echoed hers as he caught the slippery bundle in his hands and all the emotion surrounding the moment and the lead up to it came pouring out. He’d lost his brother, but Tom had left Jamie with this precious gift.

‘Is he okay?’ The panic in Kayla’s voice was understandable. His blood had frozen in his veins when he’d seen that cord threatening the life of this baby before it had even begun.

He passed the baby to Cherry, so she could hand him to his mother for that all-important skin-to-skin contact.

‘He’s beautiful. Congratulations, Mummy and Daddy.’

Jamie was exhausted and all he’d done was catch this determined mite. It was Kayla who’d done all the hard work. Yet her eyes were bright against her flushed pink skin as she murmured a loving hello to her firstborn. He’d never seen anything so beautiful.

‘You did a fantastic job, Kayla.’ The gentle kiss he placed on her cheek seemed only natural as he leaned across to coo over the baby with her.

‘You too,’ she said, giving him a shy smile before quickly looking away again.

Hopefully this was the beginning of the thaw between them that was needed so they could move forward as parents.

The repeated thumping on the door broke through the intimate family portrait as the outside begged to be let in.

‘That could be the paramedics. I’ll get it.’ Cherry went to open the door and left them alone with their baby for the first time.

‘I think he’s got your lungs,’ Jamie teased as baby Garrett voiced his displeasure at great volume.

‘Hmm, well, he’s definitely got his daddy’s temper.’ She teased him right back, comparing him to the red-faced, bawling tot cradled in her arms.

He didn’t care when the casual use of the D word had hit him harder than her intended insult. Jamie was a daddy, now and for the rest of his life. Parenting was something he swore he’d never do again. It was a privileged position he had now only because his brother had lost his life.

His desire to live the rest of his life without responsibility for another life was no longer an option. The question now was to what extent he’d continue to play a part in his son’s upbringing.