Kitabı oku: «The Hopechest Bride», sayfa 3

Emily shook her head. “I didn’t have to. She knows it was all my fault. Everyone knows,” she said, a sudden mental picture of Josh Atkins’s hard, condemning eyes making her shiver. She banished that image quickly, knowing it would be back, to haunt her dreams, cloud her days. “That’s why she’s here, to help me work through my guilt. Like that’s going to happen. Like she can somehow change what happened.”

Sophie stood up, walked around the coffee table, sat down on the arm of Emily’s chair and put her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “You do know, Emily, that you’re doing again what you said you did about your hair. You’re assuming that Dr. Wilkes believes you’re guilty. I doubt she’s as harsh a jury as you’ve been to yourself. Because I see it another way, sis. I see a young woman running scared from a murderer, running for her life, and yet trying to hang on to as much of her former life as she can. I see a young woman who knew Toby Atkins was falling in love with her, and was too honest to lead him on, make him her protector, put him in danger. You nearly died that night, Emily, and Toby Atkins saved your life. He’s a hero, Em. Don’t demean his sacrifice. Don’t make him into a victim, into your victim. He deserves better than that.”

Emily looked up at her sister, then buried her head against Sophie’s side, sobbing.

Josh Atkins felt like a stalker. Probably because that was what he was doing—stalking Emily Blair Colton. His every free hour was spent with his horse tied to a tree as he crouched behind scrub and looked down on the Hacienda de Alegria. He watched the comings and goings at the ranch, waited for Emily Blair Colton to put up her head, sniff the wind and then leave the safety of her well-guarded sanctuary.

Go somewhere where he could get at her, get to her, remind her that he was here, that he wasn’t going away.

He’d picked up the Rollins Ranch mare two days ago, and hung around the Hacienda de Alegria until his presence began drawing questioning looks, then had to leave before Emily showed up at the stables. Since then, there’d been no reason, no good excuse, to bring him back to the Colton ranch.

So he’d propped himself against a lamp post on Prosperino’s main street, hoping to see Emily Colton come to town to go shopping, to have her hair done, to eat lunch with some friends. That hadn’t worked, either. Prosperino wasn’t that small a town, but the Coltons were pretty obvious by their absence. Not a single Colton had walked or driven down Prosperino’s main street, and Josh could be sure of that, as he had memorized the photographs he’d cut out of newspapers covering the story about Patsy Portman.

Which had brought him back to this hill, this well-concealed vantage point. Another couple of weeks at this, and he’d earn his Stalker merit badge, while losing what was left of his mind.

He might have had no luck in meeting up with Emily, but he had learned a lot about the Coltons, starting with everything he’d read in the newspapers, and added to during his research at the Prosperino Public Library. He might be a cowboy, but he was a community-college-educated cowboy, and he knew how to use the microfiche machine, knew how to go through old newspaper files and find what he wanted.

The Coltons were a good family. He didn’t want to admit that, even to himself, but by all accounts they were a good, fine, upstanding family, from Joseph Colton right down to the youngest member.

Hopechest Ranch thrived because of the early interest shown by the Coltons, and all of the family was still heavily involved in the financing of the haven for troubled children, some of them even in the day-today running of the facility.

The Coltons had raised their own children even as they’d taken on any number of foster children, even adopted some of them, like Emily Blair Colton. It was one thing for a wealthy, successful man to throw money at a charity, but it was another thing entirely for that man to become so involved, so much a part of the solution.

And it wasn’t as if the Coltons always had it easy, been born with silver spoons in their mouths and immune from trouble. Joe Colton had served in the armed forces, then built his empire with his own hands. He’d served his country again as a United States Senator. Joe and Meredith Colton had lost a son to a traffic accident. One of their daughters had almost been killed by a mugger in San Francisco. Joe Colton himself had nearly been murdered by a disgruntled employee.

Not to mention the entire family being duped for ten long years by Meredith Colton’s mentally unbalanced twin sister. That had to be the topper.

So maybe the Colton life wasn’t a fairy tale complete with the rich and benevolent king and queen and populated by happy, carefree princes and princesses.

But did that excuse Emily Colton from guilt in the death of his only brother? Josh didn’t think so. Emily Colton could have run to a dozen different places, put herself under the protection of one of her brothers, or even turned to Joe Colton, who would have surrounded her with armed guards.

Instead, she had run away. She’d run straight to Keyhole, Wyoming, and to Josh’s brother, who was just the kind of guy who saw himself as a knight in shining armor, out to put a smile back on the face of the pretty young princess who’d somehow come into his orbit.

“I should have known,” Josh muttered under his breath as he watched the lights coming on inside the sprawling ranch house. “I should have read Toby’s letters more carefully, realized he was getting in over his head. I should have left the circuit and gone to Keyhole, checked Emma Logan out for myself.”

And he would have, except he’d been chasing another gold buckle, following the rodeo circuit from town to town in Oklahoma and Texas and even New Mexico. Everywhere but Keyhole, Wyoming. Chasing the points, chasing the dream, chasing the buckle of a champion. A grown man acting like a kid, while a kid was wearing the uniform of a sheriff and laying down his life in the line of duty.

Who was the younger Atkins? By age, Toby had been. But by deed, Josh knew himself to be the child, the little boy who’d yet to grow up, take his share of responsibility—that share he’d gratefully dropped after almost single-handedly raising Toby.

It had been his turn, or so he’d told himself. He’d been a man when he was supposed to be a boy, and he’d spent the last ten years trying to capture some of the blessed freedom from responsibility most children experienced in their growing-up years.

At least that was his excuse, the one he told himself when he looked at yet another gold buckle, at the prize money he’d spend at least half of as fast as he’d earned it on the back of a bucking bronco.

A few more years, a few more seasons, and he’d settle down, buy himself a small spread with the savings he did have, raise horses and cattle and break broncos to saddle for those who would ride, but not take a chance on breaking their necks to tame a mount.

He would have bought that spread, too, and Toby would have left his sheriff’s job in Keyhole and come with him. Josh had planned it all, vaguely, but now that plan seemed as solid as the rock walls of the Grand Canyon, as if he’d only been months away from leaving the circuit. Months away from removing Toby from Keyhole.

Josh took off his Stetson and raked his gloved fingers through his hair. That was how it would have been, if Emily Colton hadn’t come into Toby’s life. It was.

Josh had to believe that. He had no other choice. Otherwise, the guilt was all his….

Four

Martha Wilkes sat near the French doors with her hands folded in her lap, looking out onto the patio and Meredith’s fountain.

The gardens were fairly bare now, but so well-landscaped that they were still attractive to the eye as the California version of winter approached from the Pacific. It was so peaceful here, so beautiful, and yet the Hacienda de Alegria had been the scene of a ten-year-long nightmare.

Martha had just completed another session with Meredith, although neither of them called them sessions. They just talked. Talked about the house and how Meredith was putting it back to the way it had been before Patsy’s rather overblown decorating ideas had changed the casual comfort of the house into something stiff, and formal, and cold.

Meredith’s bedroom furniture, which had been stored in one of the outbuildings, was now back in the repainted master suite, as was Joe, who had not slept there for many years. Meredith might not know it, but she was performing a sort of exorcism, banishing her twin sister’s presence from this most private sanctuary of her marriage.

“Does it bother you, Meredith, that there was a time when Joe did share that room with Patsy?” Martha had asked over cups of green tea.

“He didn’t know,” Meredith had replied quietly, then looked Martha square in the eye. “But I’d be lying to you if I didn’t think that possibly he should have known. Lovemaking…well, it’s such an intimate thing, such a unique thing, so special to the two people involved. His wants, my needs, the way we used to laugh and talk long into the night afterward…how could he not have noticed the differences?”

“Is it possible that, at first, he blamed the accident? You supposedly had suffered an injury to your head, remember,” Martha remembered suggesting. “And after that, after Teddy? He had his own room from that time on, didn’t he? He would have divorced you—Patsy—if it hadn’t been for the many years of love that had built your marriage wide and high and deep enough to convince Joe to hang on through the bad times.”

“The bad times,” Meredith had said, sighing. “Yes, that’s one way of thinking about it all. The worse in our for better or worse.”

“Yes, Meredith. Just as you hung on through the bad times you now remember, when Joe was so depressed after your son’s death, and again when Joe learned he was sterile. You stuck with him, and in his turn he was, by God, going to stick with you. He loves you, Meredith. He has always loved you. He tolerated that woman in his bedroom, but he never loved her. He loved the memory of you.”

Martha closed her eyes, recalling the thoughtful look on Meredith’s face when she’d finished speaking. She’d gotten through to Meredith, that had been obvious. But, then, Meredith wanted help, wanted Martha’s counsel, was eager to put answers to lingering questions, and then get on with her life. Meredith was anxious to grab at her new happiness with both hands, after a decade spent believing she’d been a murderer, a woman with the most sordid past imaginable. A woman with no family, no love, no real hope.

And if Martha could help Meredith find hope again, feel free to embrace love again, then she would do everything in her power to make it all happen. Because Meredith was more than her patient, she was also her friend.

Martha didn’t envy Meredith. That would be ridiculous, considering the hell that woman’s life had been, and looking at the struggles that still awaited her these next months, until the patterns of a lifetime overtook and erased the bad years. But she did wish, when she was being Martha, illogical woman, rather than Dr. Wilkes, professional therapist, that she could wake up one morning and find her family, her children, her love of life, her hopes for the future.

How had she gone from optimistic girl to this automaton who went through her days, her years, with only her career to show for the trip? No family, few friends. How had she come to be nearly fifty years old, and then wonder where her life had gone? Too late for children. Probably too late for a husband—not that she had ever thought of marrying, even as a young girl. She’d had her career, had longed for her career.

But children? She hadn’t realized how empty her arms and heart would feel, at fifty, because of a decision she’d made at twenty.

“Excuse me?”

Martha blinked away her thoughts and turned in her chair, to see yet another slightly familiar face standing behind her. She’d met so many Coltons, biological and adopted and just plain assimilated into this huge, loving family. But she thought she could put a name to this particular face. “Rebecca? Rebecca McGrath? Do I have that right?”

Rebecca smiled as she approached, sat down in the chair placed at a right angle to Martha’s. Martha admired the understated grace with which the tall, slim young woman moved, even as her belly swelled with pregnancy. “Yes, Dr. Wilkes, you do. Could I possibly bother you for a few minutes? Professionally.”

“Professionally?” Martha carefully slid her psychologist shield up and over her own tender heart, prepared to be friendly, but not make herself vulnerable—or betray any confidences if Rebecca had come to ask questions about Meredith. “Does this have to do with Meredith? I think I recall that you are one of Meredith and Joe’s foster children. You work as a teacher for the learning disabled at the Hopechest Ranch now. Am I right?”

“You have a good memory, Dr. Wilkes,” Rebecca said, nodding her head. “Especially when I think you must have been introduced to at least thirty of us that first night. And, no, this isn’t about Mom, although I do want to tell you how much we all appreciate the way you’ve helped her over the years. Things could have turned out very differently if Mom hadn’t had you to guide her through.”

“Your mother is a very strong woman, Rebecca. I don’t think there’s much that could knock her down for long. Now, how can I help you—if I can help you.”

Rebecca pushed her long, brown braid back over her shoulder and leveled her intelligent blue-gray eyes at Martha. “This would be strictly pro bono, Dr. Wilkes, as most everyone who helps at Hopechest does so without payment. I thought I should make that clear up front.”

“I do pro bono work, Rebecca. And I’d be happy to help. Is it one of the children?”

Nodding, Rebecca said, “Yes, it is. Tatania. She’s seven, and a real sweetheart. Her father is unknown, and her mother died about three months ago, not that the home life was all that great, according to reports from the social worker who’d been assigned to Tatania nearly from birth.”

“Drugs? Prostitution?”

“Neglect,” Rebecca clarified. “Pure and simple neglect. It happens. Anyway, there was a house fire, which is how her mother died. Tatania was burned, but not too badly, and she came to us two weeks ago. I’m involved because one of the counselors at Hopechest worried that Tatania might be dyslexic, but she’s not. She’s just too shy and scared to participate in anything—her lessons, interacting with the other children, playtime. Nothing. I think I’ve heard her say ten words at one go, tops.”

“Trauma from the fire? From the loss of her mother? You know, even neglectful mothers are loved by their children. Sometimes more fiercely than you’d imagine. They become little parents themselves, taking care of mommy.”

“Anything’s possible, I suppose.” Rebecca shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know what’s going on, Doctor. That’s why I’m here. We do have a list of child psychologists, but they’re overworked as it is. Plus, Tatania is African American, and I thought…well, that is, I wondered if…”

“If seeing another black face might help?” Martha finished for her, smiling. “Don’t be embarrassed, Rebecca. You’re right. Tatania might feel more comfortable talking to me. When can I see her?”

Rebecca spread her hands palms up, smiled. “Is anything wrong with right now?”

Martha’s professional smile turned into a very real grin. “Not a thing, Rebecca, not a thing. Just let me get my coat.”

Emily backed away from the entrance to the living room, feeling like an eavesdropper, and at the same time feeling as if she’d just gotten a call from the governor, giving her a last-minute reprieve.

Dr. Wilkes was going to Hopechest Ranch, and that meant that Emily didn’t have to talk to her this afternoon, as she’d promised Sophie. It was the one stroke of good luck she’d had in months, years.

Oh, she’d talk to the woman, eventually. After all, she had promised Sophie she would. But if she could put off that talk for another day, another few days…a week? Yes, that would be good, too.

Emily backed up another few paces, then turned around, smacking straight into Joe Colton. “Um, hi, Dad. Fancy meeting you here.”

“Emily,” Joe said, looking at her intently. “You wouldn’t be hiding from Dr. Wilkes, would you?”

“Who? Me?” Emily bent her head, tugged at the sides of her hair with both hands, so that it fell forward over her face. “No. Of course not. I—I was just heading for the kitchen to tell Inez how much Sophie liked the peanut butter cookies Inez had me take over to her.”

“Uh-huh,” Joe said, putting his large hand around Emily’s elbow and heading toward his study. “Come on, Em, we’re going to talk.”

Emily bit her bottom lip so that she didn’t have a momentary throwback to her childhood and whine, “Must we?” and allowed her father to lead her to a leather chair before he went around the desk and sat in his large chair.

This wasn’t good. Nice talks took place in the living room, or if in the study, they would both comfortably sit on the large burgundy leather couch. But Joe Colton sitting behind his desk meant they weren’t going to talk. They were going to discuss.

Joe was the sort of man who would never raise a hand to any of his children, to anyone. But the man could discuss a person straight into wanting to dig a hole and then pull it in after her. He just had a way of making you feel so sorry for anything you did wrong, so embarrassed, so upset that you’d disappointed him, that you’d do anything to never have to disappoint him again.

“How are you, Emily?” Joe said once they were both settled, his gaze loving and yet even more penetrating than Dr. Wilkes’s professional gaze by at least one hundredfold. “Truly.”

“Tr-truly?” Emily stammered, her mouth dry, her lips stiff. “Fine. I’m fine. Honest, Dad.”

Joe sat forward, rested his elbows on the top of the desk, his gaze never leaving her face. “Really. So you’ve been to town, shopping? Gone to see a movie with friends? Even talked to any of your friends? To Liza?”

Emily turned her head away, bit the inside of her cheek. “Liza’s busy in Saratoga, Dad, with Nick and the baby. We’ve talked, and we e-mail each other, but—”

“Liza tells me you haven’t answered any of her e-mails, and that each time she phones you’re not available. Liza’s a continent away, Emily, and worried sick about you. Don’t do this to her.”

Emily mentally hefted a shovel and began digging that hole she wanted to climb into. “I’m sorry, Dad. It’s just—it’s just that I’m not really good company right now. Liza would be on a plane in ten seconds, and that’s not fair, either. I’ll write to her this afternoon. I promise.”

“Uh-huh.”

Okay, the hole was about to get deeper. Joe’s last “Uh-huh” warned Emily of that. “There’s something else?” she asked, trying not to wince.

“Yes, Emily, there is. Dr. Wilkes says you’ve yet to speak with her. She didn’t want to tell me, but I guessed. Not that just seeing you do a backward two-step out of the living room wouldn’t have given you away in any case. She’s here to help, Em. For God’s sake, sweetheart, let her help.”

“God helps them who help themselves,” Emily said with a sad attempt at a smile. “Isn’t that true?”

“In many cases, yes,” Joe answered, folding his hands on the desktop. “And in some cases, the best way to help yourself is to ask for help. You need to talk to somebody, sweetheart. You can’t carry this guilt you’re so ready to lug around with you much longer, without really hurting yourself. And your mother is worried about you. There, how’s that for guilt? You’re upsetting your mother.”

Emily sat back in her chair, pushed at her hair with both hands, moving it away from her face even as she longed to hide behind that thick mane. She’d known it coming into the room. Joe Colton never lost, and he had just successfully trumped her ace by bringing her mother’s name into their discussion. There was nothing left to do now but admit her defeat gracefully. “Okay, Dad. I’ll talk to Dr. Wilkes. I promise.”

“Today? When?”

“Mom says you can be just like a bulldog, Dad, grabbing on and refusing to let go. She wasn’t kidding, was she? I don’t know about today, as Dr. Wilkes was heading over to Hopechest with Rebecca, and I don’t know when she’ll be back. But soon. Really soon.” Then she grabbed at the only straw she could find. “Right after I get back myself.”

Joe raised one eyebrow. “Get back? From where?”

Emily rolled her hands in the air, as if trying to conjure up words out of that thin air. “From…from…” She looked up at Joe and smiled as inspiration finally hit. “From a short camping trip. You know how I love to get out by myself. Just me, my horse, some provisions, and a few nights under the stars. It’s always done wonders before, to clear my head.”

“It’s November, Emily. There won’t be any stars. But there could be a lot of rain and wind. No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Neither did Emily, not that she’d admit that to her father. Camping trips were for the summer months, not rainy November. “Maybe you’re right, Dad,” she conceded, but reluctantly, because rain or not, just the idea of being on her own—anywhere on her own—was one with an appeal that grew by the second. No Mom and Dad and their worried looks. No phone calls and e-mail from Liza and just about everybody else. No Dr. Wilkes. And no Josh Atkins, showing up right here at the ranch, playing Guilty Conscience. “So I’ll think about it, okay?”

Joe put his hands on the arms of his chair, pushed back, and stood. “You’re going, right? I’ve opened my big mouth, stuck my nose in my grown-up daughter’s business, and now you’re going to take off on your own, just to prove you can do it. I should have kept my mouth shut. Your mother warned me, but I didn’t listen. You’re just too old to be swayed by one of my famous discussions. Either that, or I’m losing my touch.”

Emily stood on tiptoe and kissed her father’s cheek as he came around the desk. “Oh, you’ll never lose your touch, Dad. Trust me on that one. I was shaking in my boots, coming in here with you. I love you, Dad.”

“And your mother and I love you, sweetheart. Remember that when you’re camping under those stars. We’re here, we’ll always be here, and we love you.” He gave her a hug. “Oh, and take your cell phone, okay? You don’t have to turn it on unless you need to call us, but please take it with you. It may not work in the hills, but it will work everywhere else.”

Emily blinked back tears as she smiled, nodded. “You’re the best, Dad,” she told him, giving him a hug.

“Yes, I am, aren’t I?” he teased back at her. “Now go pack, and make sure you’re out of here tomorrow before your mother finds out. Just leave us both a note, like the trip is a surprise to everyone—and mention that you’re taking the cell phone in case you need to contact us. I’m good, sweetheart, but your mother would have my head if she knew I’d agreed to this. Oh, and if you’re not back in three days, I’m sending out a helicopter search. Possibly a platoon of Marines.”

“Yes, sir,” Emily said, saluting, then fairly danced out of the study, feeling suddenly free, really free, for the first time in a very, very long time.

Josh Atkins had just left the post office, where he kept a box, and was heading for the Rollins Ranch pickup truck when he saw a flash of pure chestnut red and stopped cold, hardly believing his luck.

He stepped behind the concealing cab of the brightly painted truck, removing his hat so that Emily Colton wouldn’t see him if she looked across the street, and watched as she entered the sporting goods store.

Okay, he could go in there. Anybody could go into a sporting goods store. It wasn’t as if she’d walked into a lingerie shop or anything—a place where he’d stick out like a sore thumb.

He unlocked the door to the pickup and tossed his small stack of mail onto the front seat. There had been three circulars announcing rodeos in towns along the usual circuit, a letter from a woman whose name sounded familiar but whose face had long since escaped his memory, and a good-sized royalty check from that saddle company he’d done print endorsements for ever since he’d been named one of the ten best all-around riders three years earlier.

Locking the door, he took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and headed across the street. Pulling open the door to the store, he tipped the brim of his Stetson a few fractions lower over his eyes and stepped inside.

Big store. Bigger on the inside than it had looked on the outside. He bypassed the baseball and football equipment, skirted a rack of bowling balls and made his way toward the rear, where he saw glass cases full of rifles. He veered left when he realized that he couldn’t quite see Emily Colton toting a hunting rifle.

That took him to the rather large camping supplies section of the store…and to Emily Colton.

He stepped behind a towering display of camp stoves and listened as she spoke with a sales clerk. “I can’t believe I put my sleeping bag away wet, Janice. I was taught much better than that,” she was saying as the clerk grinned and pointed toward a shelf stuffed with sleeping bags. “Talk about moldy! Still, it was at least ten years old, and I’ll bet there are much warmer and more sophisticated ones now.”

Janice, the sales clerk, said something Josh couldn’t hear, and then Emily, who was closer to him, though her back was turned, said, “Oh, just two or three days. I know it might rain, but I’ll chance it. I’m riding out into the hills tomorrow morning, if you’ve got a good sleeping bag for me, one that rolls up small enough to tie on the back of Molly’s saddle. Oh, this one is great! Velcro and zippers? Janice, you’re a genius. By tomorrow night it will be just Molly, me, and the stars—and the fried chicken I’ve asked Inez to make for me, of course.”

Josh slipped silently into the next aisle, turning his head and pretending a great interest in automatic hot socks.

She was riding out into the hills? Tomorrow morning? Just her and Molly, some fried chicken—and him?

Oh, yes. Definitely him.

Sometimes the gods did smile.