Kitabı oku: «Royal Affairs: Desert Princes & Defiant Virgins», sayfa 8

She couldn’t do this, could she?

No matter how right it felt, it was still wrong.

Karim couldn’t be part of her future.

‘No.’ Never had it felt so hard to say that word, and her fingers closed over the hard muscle of his arm as if she knew that she was never going to have the will-power to do this by words alone. ‘No. We have to stop. We have to stop now.’ Before she was unable to stop. And she was already so close to that point.

He broke the kiss briefly, but only to look deep into her eyes, and the intensity of that look and the warmth of his breath was as seductive as the touch of his mouth. ‘You want to stop?’

No. No, she didn’t. But she had to. ‘I don’t want this.’

‘That’s a lie.’ Dismissing her rejection with his usual confidence, his mouth claimed hers again and she felt herself descending into a thick, sensual fog that threatened to consume her.

‘No, Karim.’ Denying her own sensuality, she dragged her mouth away from his and this time she turned her head. ‘You have to stop! It’s not right. I’m marrying the Sultan. We shouldn’t be doing this.’

‘You want me.’ His arrogant statement left no room for denial, and she didn’t even bother trying.

‘Yes. But that doesn’t change anything.’ Faced with the most impossible decision, she shifted away from him slightly, wishing that she knew how to calm the reaction of her body. ‘I—This should never have happened. I can’t be with you, Karim. I’m not the sort of woman who can sleep with one man and then marry another. It wouldn’t be right.’

She was still a virgin and that, at least, she could give to the Sultan.

He was silent for a moment, his powerful body tense over hers, his breathing harsh and laboured as he struggled to exercise control. Then he rolled away from her and she caught a glimpse of his face. The expression in his eyes was fierce and his jaw was tense. And then he flicked off the torch and they were plunged into darkness.

Now what?

Alexa started miserably into the inky blackness, not knowing what to do or say. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but knew that she had no right to do that, but it was suddenly vitally important that he knew just how much he meant to her.

‘You’re the first person in sixteen years I’ve been able to trust,’ she said softly, the darkness giving her the courage to say things she never would have been able to say in daylight. ‘I didn’t dare trust anyone else or let them close, because they always had a reason for being with me and that reason was always something to my disadvantage. It’s been so different with you. You insisted on protecting me even though I didn’t want your protection. Even though we’ve only spent a short time together, I feel I really know you. You’re the first friend I’ve ever had. And, if things were different, you would have been my first lover.’

‘Enough, Alexa.’ His voice was raw, or perhaps the darkness simply exaggerated the emotions. ‘Get some rest now.’

The disappointment lay inside her like a heavy weight that couldn’t be shifted.

She sat still for a moment, trying to reason with herself. What had she expected—a declaration of love? No, not that. But something that indicated that her feelings hadn’t been entirely one

sided, because she knew that they hadn’t been. He cared for her; she knew he did. And yet he hadn’t once expressed those feelings.

But was that so surprising?

She was about to become the Sultan’s wife.

Perhaps he believed that the only way he was going to be able to watch her marry another man was if he denied those feelings.

But she wished, even if it was just for this one night, that he’d told her how he felt. It would have made everything easier, somehow, even though it wouldn’t have changed a thing.

She was on her way to marry the Sultan.

But for the first time ever, that marriage felt less like a sanctuary and more like a sacrifice.

Battling with unfulfilled sexual desire, and a serious attack of conscience for the first time in his life, Karim lay still until the sound of her breathing indicated that she had fallen asleep.

Her words troubled him more than he would have thought possible.

What was it she had said—that he was the first person that hadn’t betrayed her trust?

And yet that wasn’t true, was it?

His role as her bodyguard had been secondary to the main purpose of his mission: to persuade her not to marry the Sultan.

But now that he had the facts he could see that Alexa’s character had been grossly misrepresented. And, knowing the truth about her, he had no doubt that she would make the Sultan a perfectly good wife. She was clearly loyal, resourceful and resilient. And she was remarkably well-adjusted, considering the considerable hardship she’d suffered since the death of her family.

Ironically enough, perhaps the only blot on her copybook was her reaction to him. She was about to marry another man, and yet she’d been openly and unashamedly passionate.

But she had stopped, he reminded himself, shifting with frustration as he recalled just how much restraint that action had demanded of him. And the fact that she’d stopped had to be a point in her favour.

Knowing how passionate she was, he didn’t for a moment believe that she was a virgin, but at least she’d had the decency not to indulge in a little hot desert sex with him, despite the powerful chemistry.

Karim thought for a moment, his eyes sliding to her sleeping form.

What reason was there for him to feel guilty? He had merely done what needed to be done. No blame attached to him for the fact that she’d been so grossly misrepresented by her uncle. It was clear that his mission was no longer necessary, and equally clear what should happen next.

There was really no reason for the Sultan not to marry her.

CHAPTER EIGHT

ALEXA woke to find light seeping into the cave.

She sat up, feeling tired and gritty eyed, having spent most of the night trying not to reach out and touch Karim. Part of her wished she hadn’t stopped him. It would have been the first time in her life that she’d actually done something that she wanted.

But she couldn’t be that selfish.

Her responsibility was to the Sultan and the people of Rovina. Now that a new life was in sight, she couldn’t help but dream that a man as powerful as the Sultan might be able to help her transform her beloved homeland.

Shafts of daylight penetrated the cave, and now she could see where they had spent the night. And there was no sign of Karim.

Wondering where he was, she was about to call his name when she heard the unmistakable sound of a helicopter landing outside the cave.

Alexa was on her feet in an instant, her legs shaking and her mouth dry with fear.

They’d found her.

While she’d been lying in Karim’s arms, feeling safe and protected for the first time in her life, they’d been tracking her.

And now she and Karim were trapped in the cave.

Shaking with panic, and cursing herself for her stupidity, she sprinted towards the entrance, but strong arms caught her and prevented her from running outside.

‘It’s all right. There is nothing to frighten you.’ Karim’s voice was rough. ‘I called the helicopter. In the circumstances, I thought it best if we get you away from here as fast as possible before your uncle discovers that he has failed and tries again.’

It took a moment for his words to sink in, and then the breath left her in a sigh of relief. ‘You called the helicopter?’

‘That’s right.’

‘So—I’m leaving? Are you coming, too?’

He hesitated, and for a moment his fingers tightened on her arms. Then he released her and took a step backwards. ‘No. They will fly you directly to the Citadel. You will be safe there.’

‘I don’t want to go without you.’ Alexa spoke without thinking and then turned away, embarrassed at having revealed so much. For so long she’d been used to hiding her feelings. She’d trusted no one—relied on no one but herself. But all that had changed during her two days in the desert with Karim.

Everything had changed last night.

For the first time in her life since her parents had been killed, someone had been there for her, protecting her and watching over her. For the first time in her life she’d really talked to someone, and someone had held her when she’d had the dream.

And now she had to say goodbye.

So why couldn’t she move?

This was the moment she’d been dreaming of for so long. So why was it so impossibly hard to step into the helicopter?

Gratitude?

Alexa glanced at Karim’s strong, handsome face. No, it wasn’t gratitude.

Now that they were due to part, she knew that it was something so much more than that.

She knew that it was love.

The realization shocked her, and she made a little sound, confused and horrified. This was not what she wanted.

‘Alexa—’ He seemed tense, too, and when one of the soldiers approached them he lifted a hand in a silent command that made them stop in their tracks. ‘It will be all right.’

How could it possibly be all right?

And then she realized that he was talking about her safety.

He didn’t know that she was in love with him. Or maybe he did, and he was embarrassed. He guarded the Sultan, didn’t he? Knowing that the Sultan’s wife had feelings for him wasn’t going to make his job easy.

She had to pull herself together. But she’d been deprived of these feelings for so long that it was almost impossible to give them up.

‘Yes.’ Allowing herself the luxury of one last look, her eyes lingered on the dark stubble that shadowed his hard jaw, and then lifted to his mouth—that same mouth that had kissed her senseless in the night. Would she be able to forget? When the Sultan kissed her, would she think of Karim?

Afraid that if she stood there a moment longer she’d make an even bigger fool of herself, Alexa turned and walked quickly towards the waiting helicopter, trying to ignore the pull that made her want to turn her head one more time.

Don’t look back, she told herself. Don’t look back. You’re not going to be that weak.

She would marry the Sultan as she’d planned. She’d do it for Rovina and for her beloved father’s memory, and she would hide her feelings for Karim because that was what had to be done.

What choice did she have?

Hands urged her aboard the helicopter and Alexa responded passively, numbed by the strange feeling of loss that consumed her.

She was strapped into her seat, given ear protectors, and then the helicopter rose above the sand.

And the pull became impossible to resist.

All her resolutions exploded to nothing, and she turned her head to look, and through the mist of sand she saw him standing there, his legs planted firmly apart in a typically arrogant stance as he watched her departure.

He’d protected her, given her hope, taught her that love was possible, even for her.

She should be feeling happy and grateful.

So why did she feel as though she’d lost everything a second time?

Had Alexa not been so distracted by thoughts of Karim, she would have been excited by her first view of the Citadel of Zangrar. From the air it spread beneath them in majestic splendour, the walls of buff-coloured stone high and imposing. And inside the walls of the Citadel was the Sultan’s palace with its high domes and graceful lines.

Her stomach churned, and suddenly she remembered all the things that Karim had told her about the Sultan.

He gave an order and it was done.

No one would dare argue with him.

The Sultan’s expectations of her role would not extend beyond the bedroom.

As those words filled her head, Alexa was suddenly swamped with a feeling of cold dread.

It was all very well talking of duty and responsibility, but with reality this close she was suddenly terrified. What if the Sultan refused to help her?

What if she’d simply swapped one set of problems for another?

What if her new life was worse than the old?

And then she thought of what her uncle had done to her and to Rovina, and realized that nothing could be worse.

All the same, she was so subdued that she barely noticed that they’d landed until eight armed-guards surrounded her and then escorted her swiftly to the Sultan’s private quarters within the palace.

Jittery with nerves, she glanced around her, waiting anxiously for the moment when the Sultan would appear. ‘Will I meet His Excellency soon?’

‘Not before the wedding, Your Highness.’ An army of women had been assigned to look after her, and they bustled around her now, clucking over the dusty clothes that she’d worn in the desert and adding rose petals to steaming bath-water.

‘I can take a bath by myself.’ She wasn’t used to being waited on, but no one took any notice of her wishes and soon she was lying in the luxuriously scented water, the warmth and fragrance driving the memories of the sand and the heat from her mind. But no amount of washing or massage removed the memory of Karim. It was as if he’d somehow left a mark of ownership on her. When she closed her eyes, she immediately felt his hands on her skin and his mouth on hers.

The memory triggered a stab of panic, and she sat up in the bath.

She couldn’t do it.

It wasn’t the wedding, it was—the rest of it.

What had Karim said? The Sultan had an extremely high sexdrive.

Somehow, when he’d first said it, the words hadn’t really registered in her brain. They just hadn’t meant anything.

But now, after what she’d shared with Karim …

What if, when the time came, she just couldn’t let another man touch her in that way?

Perhaps, if she could just meet him, she thought miserably, and discover what sort of man he was. Would that make the whole situation less awful—or more awful?

Her brain magnifying the horrors of her position with each passing second, Alexa turned on impulse to the women who were preparing various massage oils. ‘I’d like to talk to the Sultan.’

The women gasped with shock, as if she’d made an outrageous request.

‘Unfortunately that will not be possible, Your Highness,’ one of them muttered. ‘It is bad luck for the Sultan to lay eyes on his bride before the wedding.’

Even more bad luck to lay eyes on her after it, Alexa thought gloomily, staring at the rose petals that floated on the surface of the water. What if he took one look at her and ran?

If it hadn’t been for the duty she owed her country, she would have run herself.

‘The wedding will take place tomorrow, Your Highness. After that you will have the Sultan’s full attention.’ The women exchanged knowing looks, and Alexa sighed with frustration.

So she wasn’t even going to be given the chance to meet the Sultan before she married him.

Sinking back under the scented bath-water, she stared at the rose petals floating in the water and wondered whether there had ever been a more miserable bride.

This should have been a moment of triumph and relief.

She’d reached the Citadel safely. Nothing could stand between her and marriage to the Sultan.

But somewhere on the journey she’d given away her heart, and there seemed no hope of getting it back. Now she knew how love felt, marrying another man felt completely wrong.

The bath was followed by a long, luxurious massage with aromatic oils, and eventually Alexa was tucked up in a large, comfortable bed in a room with the floor area of a small house.

It was so different from the starkness and fear that had surrounded her life in Rovina that, had she not met Karim, she would have felt extremely relaxed and content with her situation.

But she had met Karim.

She’d fallen in love with him.

And that had changed the way she felt about everything.

She woke early.

The hot desert sun poured through the arched windows, illuminating the richness of the fabrics that draped the bed, and Alexa just lay for a moment, thinking.

Where was he and what was he doing right now?

Filled with an almost agonizing longing to see Karim, she turned her head and stared towards the window.

Was he somewhere close?

Was he back guarding the Sultan?

Was he thinking of her?

Alexa sat up in bed, realizing that it was her birthday.

Her twenty-fourth birthday.

And today she was going to marry the Sultan.

As if to remind her of that fact, there was a soft tap on the door and the room was suddenly filled with people eager to help her prepare for the wedding.

After that there was no more opportunity for quiet reflection, and the next few hours flashed by as women attended to her hair and make-up and made final adjustments to the fitting of her wedding dress.

Alexa stared down at herself, looking at the simplicity of the silk dress. What was it Karim had said—that a woman came to her husband in a simple dress, denoting honesty?

At the beginning of the journey she’d had no problem with that. She’d had every intention of being honest with him.

But now? How truthful was it to marry a man while loving another?

The nerves in her stomach stirred, and she hoped desperately that Karim would not be present at the wedding. What if he was? And what if she couldn’t hide her feelings for him? Hadn’t Karim told her that the Sultan was fiercely possessive? Just what would such a man do if he discovered that she was in love with someone else?

‘Your Highness is very pale.’ The girl in charge of her makeup snapped her fingers, and a woman stepped forward with a selection of jars and pots. She selected one and rubbed the colour vigorously into Alexa’s ashen cheeks. ‘You should not be nervous. You are incredibly beautiful. The Sultan will be pleased.’

The Sultan will be pleased.

That information didn’t cheer Alexa in the least. In fact, she felt sicker than ever. Now that the moment of her marriage was approaching, she was beginning to wonder whether she’d be able to go through with it.

She’d waited for this moment for so long, and yet now it had finally arrived everything had changed. And she knew who was responsible for that change.

Karim.

Her feelings for him had exploded out of nowhere, but they were so powerful that the thought of being with another man seemed unnatural.

But a life with Karim wasn’t an option, was it?

Her father had wanted her to marry the Sultan, and it was the right thing to do.

Alexa stood, silent and unresisting, as the team of women finished adjusting her make-up to their satisfaction, and then covered her head and shoulders with several sheer veils.

‘The Sultan cannot look upon his bride until the vows have been exchanged,’ one of them explained, and then she curtsied low. ‘You are ready for His Excellency. If Your Highness would follow me.’

The floor had been liberally sprinkled with scented rose petals, and Alexa forced herself to put one foot in front of the other, her shoes moving silently over the flowery carpet.

She was led into a brightly lit courtyard, and realized with a start of surprise that the wedding was going to be held outside. A small group of people had gathered, waiting, and her eyes searched nervously for the Sultan.

One man stood out from the others. He wore robes and a traditional head covering and had his back to her, but she knew, even without an introduction, that he was the Sultan. It wasn’t just the way that those around were deferring to him that revealed his identity, but the way he held himself, with authority and command.

Breathless with nerves, Alexa waited for him to turn and face her, but he stood still, and the women urged her forward.

‘The Sultan cannot look upon his bride until the ceremony has taken place,’ one of them muttered, guessing at the reason for her hesitancy.

Alexa’s despair grew.

So not only was she going to marry a man she hadn’t met, she wasn’t even going to see him before the wedding.

At least there was no sign of Karim, so that was something to be grateful for. She wasn’t going to have to make her vows with the man she loved looking on. She’d been spared that agony.

The ceremony began, and because Alexa didn’t understand a word of what was being said they prompted her and she gave the responses that were required of her, in English, barely registering the deep, masculine tones of the man standing by her side. Once, she stole a glance at him, but his profile was hidden from view.

And then everyone in the courtyard fell to their knees and bowed, and she realized that the ceremony had ended.

She was married to the Sultan.

It was done.

Everyone discreetly retreated into the palace, and she was left standing in the sunny courtyard with the tall, broad-shouldered man who was now her husband.

Was he ever going to look at her?

Or was he so angry at being forced into this marriage that they were going to live their lives as enemies?

Unable to bear the tension a moment longer, she closed her eyes in an attempt to calm herself down. And then she heard him move towards her and felt his hands lifting her veils, one by one, exposing her face to his gaze.

Alexa kept her eyes closed, hardly able to breathe.

His father and her father had forced this marriage on him, hadn’t they? And, because of her situation, she’d done nothing to prevent it.

This situation was all her fault.

‘I presume you are not intending to go through the whole of our marriage with your eyes closed, Alexa?’ Now that he spoke in English, his low, masculine drawl was shockingly familiar, and her eyes flew wide-open as she stared in disbelief at the man in front of her.

‘Karim?’ For a moment she could do nothing more than whisper his name. Happiness bloomed inside her, and then withered instantly as her brain acknowledged the truth of the situation. Despite the intense heat and blazing sun, she suddenly felt deathly cold. ‘Oh, God—it was you—’

‘That’s right.’ He made no excuses. There were no denials—no apology—and she shook her head, still trying to digest the enormity of the truth.

He wasn’t …

She’d thought …

She’d trusted him.

‘But you—I—I told you so much.’ More than she’d ever told another human being. She’d opened her soul to this man, not realizing who he was. ‘I was honest with you.’

‘And that is a good thing, not a matter for either regret or apology.’

‘It is to me! What you did wasn’t right, Karim.’ The cold, numb feeling was fading, and in its place was hurt, vulnerability and the beginnings of anger. ‘You deceived me! I trusted you, and you deceived me! You pretended to be someone else.’

‘The deception was necessary.’ He stood in front of her, arrogant and unrepentant, showing not a flicker of the softness he’d occasionally displayed during the journey. ‘Being the Sultan’s wife is a position of great responsibility. Did you really think I would have given that honour to a woman with the reputation that you possessed?’

His words sank slowly into her stunned brain. ‘You never intended me to marry you, did you? That was why you chose to escort me personally. You were trying to make me change my mind.’ She stared at him, her breathing shallow as everything fell into place with horrible clarity. ‘All those stories you told me about the Sultan …’ Her mouth was so dry she was forced to lick her lips in order to speak. ‘All those desert experiences—they were just to put me off. You wanted me to back out, didn’t you? And, just to be sure that no one else messed it up, you’d do the job yourself, was that right?’ He hadn’t had feelings for her. It had all been a sham.

With a casual lift of his broad shoulders, Karim dismissed the question as irrelevant. ‘I am satisfied that most of your reputation was fabricated by your uncle.’

Most? In the back of her mind she registered the word, but she was too busy deciphering the bigger picture to pay attention to detail. ‘It wasn’t supposed to be a test, Karim.’

‘It is behind us.’

‘It isn’t behind us!’ There were goosebumps on her arms, and she gave a shiver. ‘I can’t believe I could have been so foolish. Why didn’t I notice anything before? That man in the desert camp that first night—the one who bowed—he didn’t recognize me, did he? He recognized you. And when we were in the cave and you called for that helicopter—’ She broke off and shook her head with disbelief. ‘We arrived at the Citadel in a matter of hours. This whole thing about having to journey across the desert …’

Two dark streaks illuminated his incredible bone structure, and for the first time since the conversation had started he actually looked mildly discomforted. ‘I admit that communications in Zangrar are not quite as backward as I perhaps led you to believe. But it was necessary for me to spend time with you.’

‘To frighten me off marrying the Sultan.’

He inhaled sharply. ‘I did not frighten you.’

‘But you tried, Karim.’ Her voice shook with outrage and pain. ‘You tried really, really hard. All that talk about snakes and the dangers of the desert. The pictures you painted of the Sultan—yourself—’

‘None of that was fabricated. I merely exposed you to the truth of the situation.’

‘Except that you omitted to introduce yourself fully.’ She couldn’t believe she’d actually been so gullible, and suddenly she needed to know everything. ‘Tell me the truth. How long would it have taken us to reach the Citadel from the airport?’

‘Not long.’

‘How long?’

‘A short helicopter transfer.’

As the deeper implication of his words sank into her numb brain she shook her head in disbelief. ‘There was no need for us to be in the desert. We exposed ourselves to unnecessary risk. You exposed me to risk!’

‘At the time I was not aware that you were in danger. And I would have protected you. I did protect you.’

‘That does not excuse what you did, Karim! You let me lean on you. I trusted you and you betrayed me.’

‘How? When?’ His handsome face was all hard lines and unyielding strength. ‘You reached out to me, Alexa. That night in the tent when you had the nightmare, you asked for comfort and I gave it. When you were attacked, you asked for my protection and I gave it. In what way did I betray your trust?’

‘By not being honest about who you were.’ She felt shattered, vulnerable and horribly exposed.

‘If you had known my identity you would doubtless not have been so open, and we would therefore not now be married.’

‘Yes, we would. There was never an option for you to stop the marriage.’

He gave a grim smile. ‘Believe me, Alexa, I could have stopped it.’

Still bruised, she backed away from him. ‘So why didn’t you?’ She sounded like a sulky child, and he studied her for a moment, his hard gaze lingering on her face.

‘Because there was no longer a need. After more than two days in your company it was clear to me that you would make a perfectly reasonable wife. In some areas, more than reasonable.’ Thick, dark lashes lowered fractionally and he regarded her with a lazy, slumberous expression in his dark eyes that ignited the dormant flame deep in her pelvis.

‘Oh.’ Trapped by the raw sexuality in his gaze, she was immediately transported back to the night they’d spent in the cave, and she felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment as she remembered the intimacies they’d shared. ‘We nearly—we could have—’

‘Yes.’ His voice was deep and brushed across her sensitive nerve-endings. ‘We could have. We almost did. The fact that you held back because of your impending marriage was very much to your credit. It is because of that restraint that you are standing here now.’

Alexa stared at him with horror. ‘Was it a test? That night in the cave—were you testing me?’

‘No. The passion between us was genuine, and I don’t blame you for the way you reacted. You have obviously had an extremely difficult life. It was natural that you would turn to someone if support was offered.’

Was that all he thought it was—hero worship with chemistry thrown in?

She knew so much better.

Over the years there had been plenty of people who had offered support and she’d trusted none of them. Karim had been different.

Which just showed that, despite her experience, her judgement was still fallible.

How did she feel about him now?

She’d thought that she loved Karim, only to discover that the man she loved didn’t exist.

Confused and miserable, she took another step away from him. ‘I can’t forgive you for what you did.’

‘I have not asked for your forgiveness. What is there to forgive? You wanted to marry the Sultan and you have married the Sultan. You have achieved your objective.’ His tone was cool and unemotional. ‘Be grateful.’

Grateful?

At that precise moment the only thing she felt grateful for was the fact that she hadn’t revealed the extent of her feelings for him. At least she’d been spared that humiliation. He seemed to think that what had sizzled to life between them in the hot, barren desert was nothing more than passion. And she had no intention of enlightening him. Why would she, when she’d already exposed far too much? ‘What happens now?’

‘I succeeded in keeping our wedding a private affair, but tonight there is a banquet in your honour that will be attended by many neighbouring heads of state and dignitaries.’

‘I don’t want to go.’ Alexa stood still, numb with shock. ‘The way I feel at the moment, I won’t be able to sit next to you and make small talk.’

His handsome face hardened. ‘You wanted this marriage.’

‘You deceived me.’

His dark eyes flashed with anger. ‘I am not in the habit of repeating myself, but I am prepared to make allowances for the fact that you are very upset, so this once I will. As you were presented to me, you were not a suitable wife for a sultan. I did what had to be done.’