Kitabı oku: «Create the best version of yourself», sayfa 3

Choice

Agree that everyone chooses for himself how to act in a particular situation, for example, to run through a red traffic light or to wait for a green light. Give way to an elderly person on the bus or pretend not to notice him. Pretend you’re asleep or stare at your phone pretending you’re seriously engaged in something.

In the same way, someone has chosen for himself the widespread position that everything bad that happens in our country is the fault of officials and the president. And they will beat their chests that if he were president, everything would change in the country at once and life would be better.

Every day we all find in our heads a lot of answers to questions that no one has asked us. But we think it’s important or interesting. We think about stories we’ve heard from our friends, about problems in our family, in our relatives, about problems at work. About shows and movies that interest us. About the news we read and see on the internet, not to mention the endless stream of information from mobile apps, video channels and social networks.

All of this certainly affects us. Our choices and our lives. And, as a rule, we don’t take it seriously.

But we can choose which questions are worth thinking about and which are not worth paying attention to.

Perhaps some of you have at least once thought about these questions: “Why do I live? What is my mission in this life? What is my destiny? What is the meaning of life? Why exactly is this happening to me?”

Or a series of questions like these: “How do I become successful? How can I realize my dream? What profession should I choose? Where should I go to study? What should I be? How do I become famous? How to become rich?”

I deliberately separated these questions because they differ in ideology. And of course, by the age of the person. As people age, their opinions and their beliefs change, just as their living conditions change and their questions change accordingly.

The main difference between these questions is what they focus on. The first set of questions are questions whose answers will not bring monetary rewards and most likely will not improve your financial situation. These answers will lead to new questions that require a meticulous approach and often lead us to dead ends. And that is why people do not want to look for answers to them, because not everyone is ready to dig into themselves, much less to change. Work on yourself, look for sources of knowledge and self-development. Therefore, people refer them to rhetorical or philosophical questions. To just speculate on this topic without making concrete decisions. It seems to talk about it, and it is already good, especially if you argue with another person, proving your rightness.

The second block is questions, the answer to which gives a concrete guide to action, which should be done now. And most importantly, these questions solve the material situation of a person. That is, our material well-being depends on the solution of these questions. Will we starve or will we be fed and warm. Many “spiritualized people” will say that all these issues are the embodiment of the modern inquiry of our ego. The lust for material goods and wealth. Gaining popularity and fame in the eyes of others. To be more socially relevant than others, or, we can say, more simply, to be special, not like everyone else. Becoming better than others. To become richer than others, and so on.

You have to agree that after these words, it already begins to smell of pride and ego. And in order not to go to extremes, we need to keep a balance. It is like the story about Buddha, who was sitting on the bank of the river under a big tree and meditating, renouncing all worldly goods. And by chance he heard musicians floating along the river talking to each other. One of the musicians taught his student: “If you pull a string too tightly, it will break. If you pull a string too loosely, you won’t be able to play.” It was then that the realization of the Middle Way came to him: Truth is in the balance between extremes.

The most interesting thing is that throughout our lives we are constantly making choices that directly depend on what questions we put before ourselves at any given moment in our lives. And this choice influences our life path.

We make choices all the time, from what we eat for breakfast to what time to set the alarm clock.

And that would be okay if it were easy. But in fact, we make choices on automatic, without thinking about what this choice, this decision, will affect in the future. And of course, as a consequence, we live in a series of days and events woven from our small decisions and choices. And when most of the decisions we make on automatic, we are in a state of “swamp” or, as it is commonly said, we are adrift. And unfortunately, this suits us. Why bother and think unnecessarily, if we can live like everyone else. And we are taught to live like everyone else by TV, Internet and social networks, where we are told: take a mortgage, buy products at low prices with incomprehensible composition and have more rest. Watch soap operas, drink beer, eat sausages and have babies, and so on. I’m not talking about movie heroes, showbiz stars, from whom people take an example.

From all this we can draw a simple conclusion: we are confused and do not understand what we really need. As a consequence, we do not understand what we need to do to change ourselves and our lives. And often we don’t even want to change. We just want to consume, have all the benefits of life and still be ourselves.

Why am I telling you this?

Because we all need to realize one simple truth. We can think that tomorrow everything will change, that we will be successful in business, that we will buy a new house, a car, go on vacation to the sea or create a family with a loved one. And we believe it, we think about it, we say to ourselves: I think about it, so I will materialize it in my life. After all, “thought is material”, so everyone says. The main thing is to believe in yourself and everything will work out.

Do these words sound familiar? I am sure that everyone is familiar with this expression. It has become fashionable to motivate yourself, to say that the Universe hears you and you just have to ask and everything will come to you.

But in fact nothing happens. People have become very lazy. They think that, here, they have drawn a map of desires or pasted on the wall pictures with houses and expensive cars, and it is possible to stop here. After all, they did not just think and ask the Universe, they also drew and hung their desires in front of themselves. To look at it every day and think about it.

Now, after reading this and perhaps seeing yourself from the outside, you realize that this is silly. We think we are changing our lives, yet in real life we have been living as we have been living. We do not change our lifestyle, our habits, and, most importantly, we do not take concrete actions.

Because someone told us that all you have to do is want, believe in yourself, visualize or ask God, and it will come to you.

And when time passes and nothing happens, we find excuses, blaming everything on officials, bureaucrats, high taxes, government, wife, brother, friend, competitors, everyone is to blame for your dream not coming true. After all, you did everything right as you were told, thought, believed, asked, visualized, etc.

Back in high school, I realized that little things play an important role in life. But I underestimated the power of choice. While you are young, you think that you will live forever and have time for everything in your life. And so you can spend time on this and that, and put something off for later. Give in to the general trend, be part of the culture, watch TV shows and movies because everyone watches them. Read books that were recommended to you, go to a sports club because your friend or neighbor goes there. Go out with friends in the evening or hang out in night bars and clubs. Get married, have children and live like all “normal people”.

And only time shows us whether we made the right choice earlier. And what result we got at the end of our life.

Unfortunately, we begin to think about time when we are adults, looking back at the years we have lived and making certain conclusions. Now it becomes clear why parents always try to protect their children from their own mistakes of youth. But children often take them at bayonet, fight with them. And as a result, they get their own bumps on the head.

Therefore, the “choice” should be taken seriously, the earlier a person realizes this, the faster he can put his life in order. After all, in the end a person is not defined by his qualities, but only by his choice.

But how to understand all this to a modern person who is in a constant information storm? How can he understand his life and start living by his own rules?

And here I suggest you take a short pause. Imagine that you and I are sitting in a spacious, bright room, the air is filled with the fragrance of summer flowers, you can hear birds singing outside the window. You are not disturbed or distracted by anything. At some point you catch yourself thinking that you really like it here.

After a couple minutes, I ask you to have a pen and a piece of paper ready so that you can make the necessary notes.

“Well, let’s get on with it, my friend!”

Chapter 3. The Right View of the Situation

So, the first step to your success is to learn to soberly and rationally assess the current state of affairs. But first, I suggest that you prepare a pen or pencil and a piece of paper to make small notes. We will need them in the future, because now we are going to go with you to one very interesting place.

The Wish Shop

Now I’m going to ask you to fantasize a little. Imagine that you find yourself on an unfamiliar street, in an unfamiliar city. The store window is lit up with a bright lamplight. The sign, on the other hand, is unremarkable and quite old, and it reads, “Welcome to the Wish Shop.” You open the door curiously and walk to the nearest shelves of merchandise.

What was your surprise when on the shelves instead of the usual products you saw such as: “Strong and pumped arms”, “Perfect abs”, “Foreign language”, “Twine”, “Lose 44 lb”, “Millionaire”, “Popular actor”, “Rock star”, “Dream car”, “New profession”, “Change of residence” and many other funny wishes.

When you got closer to take a closer look, you saw an unusual price tag. In addition to the cost in money, there was a cost in time (see Figure 1).

Figure 1

Underneath the price tags was a sign explaining: “The price is approximate, because everyone has their own individual needs and abilities. And the final calculation is made individually”.

Then you noticed that in the very corner of the store there was a counter with some strange goods, they were packed in a box and each of them was marked “Dangerous for life”. Later you examined the sign above this rack, it said that these were desires based on revenge, anger and jealousy. And the price of some of them could cost you your life.

– Ew! That’s horrible! – you said out loud, unbeknownst to yourself.

And then a saleswoman comes up to you.

She even looks like a pretty and young girl, but with a very cold and businesslike look. Before saying hello, she examined you from head to toe and then through her teeth squeezed out a word:

– Hello!

– Hello, – you answered.

– Anything you’ve chosen? Or perhaps you’re looking for something special? – She asked with a smirk.

– I just… came in to look around. It’s the first time I’ve seen a store like this…

– What?! First time? Don’t kid yourself, everyone wants something, but they don’t realize the true cost of their desires. If you don’t have money to pay, you should have just said so, don’t waste my time! – snorting unhappily, the saleswoman went to the back room.

– What boorish behavior! I really came here for the first time, but I promise it was the first and last time! – Shouting at the saleswoman in her wake, you hurried away.

As you left the store, you found yourself in a narrow street full of people, all of whom were in a hurry to get somewhere and trying to outrun each other. When you heard the thunder, you decided to go to the nearest cafe, where it was warm and cozy.

Sitting at a small table by the window and drinking a hot cappuccino, you watched the rain falling, the drops dripping down the glass and, gathering into streams, flowing into puddles, into which passers-by carelessly stepped. And then the thought struck you, how good it is to be in the warmth, drink hot coffee and just watch all this fuss from the side. Where are they all running to? Why? Eh. Well, to be honest, it doesn’t matter anymore…

And now it’s time to get back to reality.

The first thing we need to pay attention to is that the salesman was right. When she said that everyone wants something, but not everyone realizes the true cost of their desire.

And that’s really true. We are all human beings, and we all have needs. Of course, we do not go to the store of desires, but we constantly go to ordinary stores, and when we buy goods, we pay for them with money. Which, in turn, we earn at work. And it is precisely at work that we spend our time.

That is, theoretically, we can tie the price of goods per unit of time we spend to earn the right amount of money.

But what about our ability to pay? How do we estimate it?

To do this, we need to make a small calculation, after which you and I will make our own individual payment card, which we can use to pay with when buying goods in the store of desires.

It can be made in three different tariffs: “Optimist”, “Realist”, “Pessimist”. Everyone can choose their own rate depending on their beliefs. But first you need to fill out a questionnaire.

Questionnaire for issuing a personalized card for payments in the Wish Shop

1. Indicate your age (how old you are today).

2. Think about and estimate how many total years you will live. And choose one of three options:

a) 60 years old (Pessimist tariff);

b) 85 years (Realist tariff);

c) 100 years and more (Optimist tariff).

3. Indicate the number of years you “approximately” have left to live. To do this, subtract the first answer from the second answer, according to the chosen tariff.

4. Calculate and indicate your minimum annual/monthly income.

5. Calculate and state your expenses per year/month. (This includes all mandatory payments: loans, alimony, taxes, rent, travel expenses, maintenance of personal transportation, telephone and internet charges, hairdresser and all those services you cannot do without in your daily life).

6. Indicate how much spare money you have on hand after expenses are subtracted from your income. In year/month format.

7. Indicate how much free time you have on a typical weekday. (Sleep time, lunches at work, and weekends do not count.) In day/month/year format.

8. Indicate how many free weekends you have available, including vacations. In month/year format.

Once you have completed the questionnaire, you can issue yourself your own personalized card for shopping at the Wish Store. It should look something like the one in my picture (see Figure 2).

Figure 2

As you have already realized, we have three types of currency on the map: money, time and weekend. But the most important thing is that they have one thing in common, they are free. And this is a mandatory criterion. In addition, like a regular bank card, this card can also be replenished. To do this, you will need to make a new calculation taking into account the updated data.

But first, you need to think and remember which wishes you have purchased over the last year and which wishes you are paying for right now. It won’t be hard to figure this out, if you have a very sad looking balance on your card, then most likely you have already purchased on that card. And therefore the purchase of new wishes will be unavailable to you.

Accordingly, in order to replenish the card, you need to start earning more or reduce your expenses. As for time, in order to increase it, you should at least learn to plan your time, but ideally you need to follow time management based on your plan. And if you don’t have a plan, the first thing you need to do is create one. I’ll talk more about how to do that later.

What is important for us now is not even the card balance itself. But the very fact of understanding that our desires are a commodity that has its own price. And just like any other product, after buying it, we may face the fact that this product does not fit our size or has expired. That is, it may have the same properties as any other product. But, unlike material things, desires cannot be returned to the seller. Since no one will give you back your time. And from what you will choose desires, so your life will be formed.

And our problem is that we are always dreaming about something, wishing and imagining that if I had this or that, then I would be happier. But in fact, often after we get what we want, we quickly forget about it and switch to new desires.

Now try to remember how many of your “wants” you have realized and where is it all now? Have you become happier? Or has it all caused you more trouble than joy? Think about it.

Wish List

Now let’s do a very useful thing. Try to write down 3—4 wishes or goals that are important to you on a piece of paper. Exactly those that you want to realize during the year. These can be not only some big purchases, but also significant personal achievements for you.

Once you have made your wish list, try to evaluate each wish in the three currencies mentioned above. To do this, you need to ask the following questions:

– How much time do you need to spend to achieve this goal? This could be years, months, days or hours.

– How much money do you need to spend?

– How many days off do you need to take to realize your desire?

– What additional conditions do you need to create in order to achieve this goal?

To make it clearer, let me give you an example (see Figure 3).

Figure 3

The more specific you are about your desires and the conditions for achieving them, the easier it will be for you to plan your life. Since you will already understand the real price of your desires and the conditions that need to be created. In the future, these records will still be useful to you.

And now that you understand all this, take another look at your list. Perhaps, after your evaluation, you are already reluctant to realize any of your desires. Especially after looking at your balance on the card.

I realize that this is unusual for you and may look silly, but trust me, this is how it works. We need to visually see information about our resources and information about prices so that we have a “sober” assessment of our needs and possibilities in our heads.

When we dream about something, that’s good. But when we spend money and time recklessly, on things we just want to buy, that’s bad, especially if you’re doing it on a credit card.

In general, if we talk about spontaneous purchases, we can say that this is an extremely unjustified behavior. If you have specific goals and desires, then to realize them you need to spend resources on them, not on fleeting needs. Because with these actions you deprive yourself of the opportunity to realize your goal in the time frame you planned earlier. But this is about respecting your choice and self-discipline, and we will talk about it later, now it is important to deal with our desires.

As you may have already realized, there are some desires that require only money. These are, as a rule, the purchase of household appliances, real estate, vehicles, and any material goods that make our life more comfortable and pleasant. Let’s put them in the first category of complexity. We will assign the second category of complexity to desires that require not only money but also time. To the third category we will refer complex desires, those for the realization of which, in addition to money and time, we need additional conditions.

So, let’s look at a situation where you want to buy an expensive apartment or car. You don’t have the money to buy it now. And you are faced with a choice: take out a loan and survive on the remaining money or increase your income and earn the necessary amount. But this is only a choice that lies on the surface. And, as a rule, it puts you in a dead end. After all, you don’t want to take out a loan and at the same time you don’t understand how you can increase your income. Since, if you think about it, you have a good job, where you are slowly but surely climbing the career ladder, receive bonuses, you are valued and respected. And in general, you have everything like everyone else – “work – home – work”. You work from morning till evening, and you need to have time for home and family matters. And you face the question: “Where will the extra income come from?” After all, you have no free time.

The answer, unfortunately, does not lie on the surface, but I will show it to you.

The fact is that we have new desires and needs in our heads all the time, and as a rule, they are layered on top of each other. Today we may think that we need to go on vacation to the sea, as our acquaintance did. Or buy a new cell phone, as our coworker did. Or change your car because you had trouble starting your car this morning. Or buy new clothes because you felt like updating your image. Or join a fitness program to lose weight for the summer season, and so on.

Just look at how long your list of needs is. And it’s constantly being updated every day. Thanks to the ubiquitous advertising.

So what are we supposed to do?

You need to take a pen right now and write out all your desires on a piece of paper. Make your list of wants and needs. Free your head, let all your desires be on a piece of paper.

Now look at that list. What do you see?

Could this be a typical consumer’s set of wants?

If you try to estimate, they will almost all fall into the first category of complexity and will only require money to realize.

“What does that mean?” – you ask me.

I’ll tell you.

This means that you either think like a typical consumer or you are currently in a state of poverty. You may be in a very difficult financial situation indeed, or you may be in the habit of buying new things in order to feel happier and more important in the eyes of others. Which, in turn, suggests that some of the desires on your list are not yours, but your environment’s.

Of course, all of these options are undesirable, and they are a problem that can and should be fixed.

This chapter I have titled: “The Right View of the Situation.” And it’s for a reason. It is the first thing you must change about yourself. Namely to realize a simple truth: if you were not born into a rich family, you will have to turn on your head to earn a decent living. And the sooner you start, the better it will be for you.

If you are in need of material goods and your income does not allow you to buy them, then you have two ways to solve this problem. The first way is to start earning more, and the second way is to give up the desire to make expensive purchases.

But even after becoming a rich person or being a rich person by birth, you will also constantly want something new, something exotic and unusual. And a large amount of money will only aggravate the situation, as your mind will be intoxicated by your financial situation and will not be able to “soberly” assess the need and expediency of these costs.

And in order not to become a hostage to your “wants”, which you have now indicated in your wish list, you need to think about what exactly will give (bring) this or that thing. What need will it close? What emotions will you experience and how long will they last? Will you become happier?

Now let’s dig deeper: are you ready to spend money on it? Are you willing to work for a month or more to buy this item?

Let’s go further: what happens if you don’t buy this item? How much will your life change? Will you become less happy?

And finally: do you think maybe that money is more important to invest in something else? Which is more important to your life at this time.

Typically, after these thoughts, more than half of the desires dissolve with a heavy exhale and the phrase, “Eh, sometime later…”

Yes, we all have a big wish list. But our main problem is that we don’t filter them. I suggest that we learn to filter all our desires according to a special principle.

The main task of this filter is to determine the degree of importance of the desire for our life. What needs this desire closes. What new opportunities this acquisition opens for us. And what will be its usefulness and efficiency in operation.

Now I propose to divide your desires into groups.

Group 1. The most important wishes. Your present and future depend on their fulfillment. As a rule, these are strategically important decisions. For example: to get married, to create a family, to give birth to a child, to move to another city (or country) to start a new life.

Group 2. Investment desires. These are desires that will potentially improve our life, first of all – materially. For example: to buy real estate, a car in order to get income, to get higher education, to learn a foreign language, to change a profession, etc. Where the results from the work done you will get in the future.

Group 3. Professional needs. These are all the wants and needs that directly affect our professional activity. It may be the need for new tools for various jobs and repairing machinery. Or a new suit for business meetings and negotiations. These are all things that will affect your professional activity and the level of your income.

Group 4. Creativity. Many of us have desires related to the realization of our creative potentials in music, painting or literature. People often save on this. Since it is a hobby for them. But my opinion is that it is better not to save on it. Any of our achievements in creativity ennobles us, making our life more full and rich. Sometimes it is enough to buy a guitar or a canvas with paints to become much happier and thus get a fascinating leisure time and a break from the daily routine.

Group 5. Tourism and travel. Some people have a great desire to visit all the countries. Or to go to the sea every summer. And to realize these goals you need money, time and health. As a rule, no one will not refuse a vacation at sea. But provided that it will be done not on the last money.

But it is not necessary to spend a lot of money, buying vouchers to popular countries. You can travel independently, in those places that are near you. It is not necessary to go to the sea, our nature is very rich and diverse. Real travelers, going on a trip, first of all choose a place where they have not been yet. They are interested in discovering new places, new landscapes, getting acquainted with another culture and local attractions.

Also, winter and wellness tours should not be forgotten. Where there are a lot of beautiful ski slopes, peaks that you can conquer. Not to mention sanatoriums in picturesque places with clean air and medical procedures.

If you think about it, you can travel all year round. And it is great. Every trip is an adventure that can energize you for a long time, discover something new and make new acquaintances.

Group 6. Useless desires. These are those desires that do not fall into any of the above categories and can arise in your head daily and spontaneously. You see something and suddenly you want it. For example, an advertisement on TV about a new phone or a friend bragged about a purchase. It can be a desire to eat in an expensive restaurant or buy a new handbag, even if you have them already full in your closet, but you have not yet had such a one. In general, these are ordinary consumer purchases that we might not make. But during our temporary mental clouding, we spent money on them. And the worst crime of all is if you purchased them on a credit card.

Now that we have a filter, I suggest we categorize all of your desires that you previously wrote down.

Notice how many wishes will gather in the sixth group and how many in the first and third groups. The difference is enormous. I would like to point out that you are not alone. In most cases, all the people in your environment will have a similar picture.

So, what does the filter give us?

First of all, it gives us an opportunity to look at our needs from the outside. It gives you the opportunity to think about the necessity of this or that thing.

Secondly, it gives us a choice. We can and should choose what to spend our resources on. After all, money is limited, and we earn it by spending most of our lives on it. Consequently, we pay for every purchase with time spent at work.

Now that we understand how to work with our desires, how to filter them and determine their importance and value, we can be more discerning in choosing our desires.

Now, based on your wish list, let’s think about the following questions:

– Is the whole point of our lives to buy some things, spend money on entertainment and satisfying our egos? Our ambitions and “wants”.

– Do we live to consume? Is that our main goal?

– Does shopping alone make us happier?

Just think about it. How we are shown through advertisements and movies the image of a happy and successful person. Based on these images, people have a concrete idea that a person without money cannot be happy and successful. He must have an apartment and a car bought with a mortgage. Must necessarily use credit cards and buy food products that are not healthy. Not to mention what images of father and mother are laid down by modern TV series. Where aggression and brute force is an indicator of a person’s toughness, lying and betrayal is an effective way to achieve their goals by stepping on the heads of family and friends. Which, in turn, indicates that “man is a wolf to man”. And as a whole, in the end, everything comes to the fact that a person does not need to think for himself, because everything has already been thought out for him. And this situation is really very sad, because it leads to degradation of whole generations, turning a free-thinking person into a weak-willed consumer of the system. Frankly speaking, I am even afraid to think what awaits mankind in 50 years. After all, during this time, old-school people will pass away, who still remember the times when there was no Internet, how people valued a piece of bread, their word, loyalty and friendship over a hundred dollars. And women then married not for money, but out of their love. But all this is no longer fashionable, now we have a price for everything. And everything can be bought, at first glance, if there were money. But if there’s no money, what then? Think about it.