The Princess and the Outlaw

Although she knew it was insanity to even consider a secret rendezvous, Pippa could not make herself say no.

She opened her mouth to try to form the word and her lips refused. Her whole body and being wanted to be with Nic, and she was bloody tired of denying herself. “Yes,” she finally said and closed her eyes. “But this could be messy.”

Nic laughed. “I’ve been dealing with messes since I was six years old.”

She wondered what it was about Nic that made her feel stronger. When she was with him, she felt as if she could do almost anything.

Pulling her slowly toward him, he gave her a dozen chances to turn away, but she didn’t. She couldn’t.

“Do you want me just because you can’t have me?” she whispered, the fear squeezing out of her throat.

“No,” he said. “Besides, we both know I can and will have you. The question is when,” he said and lowered his mouth to hers.

Dear Reader,

This is one of my most ambitious books ever! These characters got inside my head and heart and demanded that I deal with subject matter I’ve never attempted before. In my mind, there are two she-ros in this book, but don’t worry! Only one of them is the “romantic lead.” And what a woman she is. A shy bookworm princess with bad hair who is known for not making waves is thrust into a situation that challenges her to be stronger than she ever dreamed she could be.

The second she-ro is the hero’s mother. I pictured her as an older but still gamin Audrey Hepburn determined to savor every moment of life. The dreamy forbidden hero comes from a long line of pirates. I see Nic Lafitte looking like a slightly rougher-edged version of Antonio Sabato, Jr. I love the way shy Princess Pippa turns worldly Nic’s head and heart around in ways he would have considered impossible.

Throw in a long-standing family feud and a crowd of Royals, and our hero and she-ro are in for the journey of their lives. I hope this story will be a “heart-warmer” for you…

Wishing you love and joy,

Leanne

About the Author

LEANNE BANKS is a New York Times and USA TODAY bestselling author who is surprised every time she realizes how many books she has written. Leanne loves chocolate, the beach and new adventures. To name a few, Leanne has ridden on an elephant, stood on an ostrich egg (no, it didn’t break), gone parasailing and indoor skydiving. Leanne loves writing romance because she believes in the power and magic of love. She lives in Virginia with her family and a four-and-a-half-pound Pomeranian named Bijou. Visit her website, www.leannebanks.com.

The Princess

and the Outlaw

Leanne Banks

www.millsandboon.co.uk

MILLS & BOON

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This is dedicated to the family members and friends

who hang in there for the long haul when a loved one

is terminally ill. May the special people in your life

who have passed on continue to inspire you, make you

laugh, make you wise and make you love forever…

Prologue

“What is he doing here?”

Phillipa was wondering the same thing. At her sister Bridget’s gasp, her other sister, Tina, leaned toward Bridget. “Zach says he’s a huge contributor here. Everyone loves him,” Tina said distastefully.

“They clearly don’t know him,” Bridget said and nudged Phillipa. “Why can’t we escape him?” she whispered. “Maybe it’s because he’s the devil and that means he can be everywhere at once.”

At that moment, Phillipa almost agreed with Bridget. Nic certainly seemed to have some kind of dark power over her.

Phillipa had tried to slow things down with Nic Lafitte, but persuading the man to move at anything other than warp speed had proven impossible. He was a force of nature with a will that rivaled every kind of powerful destructive weather. Typhoons and tornadoes had nothing on him. She’d successfully avoided him for the past three weeks and she had been certain that fleeing her home country of Chantaine to visit her sisters in Texas would buy her even more time.

Who would have ever thought she would be caught staring at him at a charity social ball in Texas as he accepted an award for philanthropy? Phillipa knew that Nic had ties to Texas, but with his extensive business dealings, he had ties to many places.

The ballroom suddenly felt as if it was shrinking. Panic squeezed her chest. She had to get out. She had to catch her breath. Feeling her sister’s curious gaze, she swallowed hard over the lump in her throat. “I’m not feeling well,” she said. “Please excuse me.”

When Bridget offered to come with her, Phillipa had to remain firm. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”

Sticking to the perimeter of the room as she fled, she kept her head down, hoping she wasn’t drawing attention to herself. If she could just get out of this room, she would be fine, she told herself. Out of the room and away from Nic. Away from how he affected her.

She stepped out of the ballroom and held the door so it would catch softly as it closed, then took a few more steps away and leaned against the wall, which felt cool against her skin. Her sisters hadn’t been exaggerating when they’d told her Texas summers were hell.

Phillipa took several deep breaths, willing her heart and mind to calm. How had she gotten herself into this? Why? Among her siblings, she’d done her best to maintain a low profile. As number five out of six strong personalities, it hadn’t been that difficult. Her oldest brother, Stefan, had been born and bred to rule—everyone except his siblings anyway. Phillipa had found refuge in academia. It was much easier pleasing a few professors than being a princess and constantly making public appearances and dealing with the media. By nature, she’d always been an introvert. She’d never enjoyed crowded gatherings, hated posing for photographs and had little patience for all the effort it seemed to take to make her presentable.

When her first two sisters began to focus on their new husbands instead of royal duties, Phillipa had plunged herself into graduate studies to avoid being in the public eye. Her sister Bridget had seen through her plan and it had clearly irritated her, although Bridget had bucked up and done a fantastic job. The trouble now was that Bridget was determined to get a break and she had earned it. Phillipa cringed at the prospect of all the public appearances she would be forced to make.

“I’ll be damned,” a familiar male voice said, making her eyes pop open. “If it isn’t the missing Her Highness Phillipa of Chantaine.”

Phillipa stared into the dark gaze of Nic Lafitte and her lungs seemed to completely shut down. “I didn’t know you would be here.”

His mouth twisted in a half smile. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” he asked and slipped his hand around her arm. “Lucky for both of us that I am. We have unfinished business. You’re coming with me. I can have my car delivered in seconds.”

Her heart pounded. “I can’t. My sisters expect me back for the rest of the event. They’ll call the authorities if I go missing,” she said.

“It wouldn’t be the first time your family has tried to get me in trouble with the law.” He glanced around and tugged her down the hallway. “If you won’t leave with me, then I’ll take my moment somewhere else.”

“Where are you taking me?” she asked. “This is crazy. I need to go back to my table. I need—” She broke off as he pushed open the door to a room marked Coat Closet and dragged her inside.

He pulled her to the back of the small room and gently, but firmly gripped her shoulders. “Tell me what you really need, Pippa. What do you really want?” he asked her in that dark, sexy voice that made her feel as if she were turning upside down.

A half-dozen images from the stolen moments they’d shared shot through her brain. The time they’d gone swimming at night. The afternoon she’d spent on his yacht. The walk they’d taken on the opposite side of the island when she’d learned so much about him and he’d made it so easy for her to talk about herself. Despite the bad blood between her family and his, Phillipa had never felt so drawn to another man in her life.

He lowered his head, holding her gaze until his mouth took hers. His kiss set off a riot of reaction and emotion inside her. He made her feel alive and out of control. She pulled back and whispered. “This is insane. It will never work. That’s what I tried to tell you before.”

“Why not?” he challenged her. Nic was always challenging her. Sometimes gently, sometimes with more strength. “If I want you and you want me, what is most important?”

Pippa bit her lip and struggled to remain rational. Members of her family had caused a lot of trouble by giving in to their emotions. She didn’t want the same kind of trouble. “Want is a temporary emotion. There are more important things than temporary emotions.”

“If that’s true, why did you kiss me back? Why are you here with me right now?”

Pippa heard a gasp from the doorway and terror rushed through her. “Someone is here,” she said. “We’ve got to get out of here,” she said, stumbling toward the door. Nic helped to steady her as they stepped outside the closet.

Her sisters Bridget and Tina greeted them with furious disapproval stamped on their faces. Pippa inwardly cringed.

“Get away from my sister,” Bridget said.

“That’s for her to say, not you,” Nic said.

“You’re just using her,” Tina said. “You only want her because she can redeem your terrible family name.”

“Not everyone finds my family name reprehensible. Some even respect it,” he said.

“That’s respect you’ve bought with money,” Tina said. “Leave Phillipa alone. You can never be good enough for her. If you have any compassion, you’ll at least protect her reputation by leaving now.”

Nic tightened his jaw. “I’ll leave, but Phillipa will make the ultimate decision about the future of our relationship.” He glanced behind him and met Phillipa’s shocked, pale face. “Ciao, darling. Call me when you get some courage. Some things are meant to be,” he said and strode away.

Chapter One

Seven Months Later

She’d started running for exercise. That was what Pippa told her security detail anyway. She knew the truth. She was running from memories. Memories and the possibility that there was only one man for her and he was the one man she couldn’t have.

“Stop it,” she told herself, staring at the empty beach in front of her. Azure waves dappled onto white sands. By noon, there would be quite a few more bodies enjoying the beach. At six in the morning, however, she was the only one around. She debated turning on some music via her smartphone. She usually welcomed the noise, hoping it would drown out some of her thoughts. Today, she was searching for a little peace. Maybe the sound of the waves would help, she thought, and started out.

One foot in front of the other, she ran for two minutes, then walked for three. It was called interval training and the different paces suited her. Pippa had never been athletic. From the time she’d learned to read, she’d always been happiest with her nose stuck in a book. Her nanny had been relieved because her brothers and most of her sisters had been more demanding in one way or another.

Running again, she inhaled the scent of the salt air. The humidity was low today and she could feel the moisture on her skin begin to evaporate. Slowing after three minutes of running, she took a swig of her water and trudged onward.

Along the shore, in the distance, she spotted a long figure walking. She would wave and be friendly. Pippa was a royal and Chantaine royals were not allowed to be snooty. Other runners might be able to put their blinders and zip past everyone in their path, but not a Devereaux.

As she drew closer, she saw that the figure was that of a woman. Short white hair crowned her head, and a sundress that resembled a nightgown covered her petite frame.

Pippa nodded. “Good morning,” she said.

The woman looked away and stumbled.

Curious, Pippa vacillated as to whether to approach her. Perhaps she was longing for solitude just as Pippa was. The woman stumbled again and Pippa felt a twist of concern. She walked toward the woman. “Pardon me, may I help you?”

The woman shook her head. “No, no. I’m fine. It’s so beautiful here,” she said in a lilting voice that contrasted with the lines on her face and the frailness of her frame.

Something about her seemed familiar, but Pippa couldn’t quite identify it. The woman stumbled again, and Pippa’s concern grew. Was she ill?

“Yes, the beach is lovely. Are you sure I can’t help you? I could walk you back to where you started,” she said. “Or perhaps you would like some water.”

The woman’s face crumpled. “No, no. Please don’t make me go back. Please don’t—” She broke off and collapsed right in front of Pippa.

Alarm shot through her. “Oh, my God!” she exclaimed and bent over the woman. This was one time when she would have loved to have had her security detail close by. Pippa put her arms around the woman and lifted her, surprised by her light weight. Glancing around, she pulled her toward a small stand of palm trees.

Frantic, she held the woman and gently shook her. “Please. Miss. Please.” She spilled water from her bottle onto one of her hands and gently patted the woman’s face. “Please wake up. Please.”

Terrified that the woman was dying, she reached for her cell phone. The woman clearly needed emergency medical attention. Just as she put her finger over the speed dial for her security, the woman blinked her eyes. Huge and full of emotion, her eyes captivated Pippa.

She held her breath. “Are you all right? Please take a few sips of my water. It’s clearly too hot out here for you. I’ll call for help and—”

“No,” the woman said with a strength that surprised Pippa. “Please don’t do that.” Then the woman closed her amazing, mesermizing eyes and began to sob.

The sound wrenched at Pippa. “You must let me help you.”

“There’s only one thing I want,” she said and met Pippa’s gaze again. “I just want to die in Chantaine.”

Pippa gasped. Then a lightning flash of realization rocked through her. She looked at the woman and saw the resemblance of Nic in her eyes. His bone structure was a stronger, more masculine version, but his eyes were all Amelie. “Amelie,” she whispered. “You’re Amelie Lafitte.”

The woman reluctantly nodded. “How do you know?”

“I know your son Nic.” Pippa also knew that Amelie was in the final stages of cancer. Her time was drawing painfully close.

Amelie looked away. “I just wanted a little walk on the beach. I bet he’s quite peeved that I left the yacht.”

Peeved wasn’t the word that came to Pippa’s mind. “I’ll call him for you,” she said.

“Then all my fun will be over,” she said with a cute pout. “He’s such a worrywart.”

Stunned at how quickly Amelie’s spirit had returned, she hesitated a half beat, then dialed his cell. Despite the fact that she’d deleted it from her phone records months ago, every digit was engraved on her brain.

Five minutes later, a black Mercedes came to screeching halt on the curb of the road above the beach. Pippa immediately identified the dark figure exiting the driver’s side of the vehicle. Nic. As he strode swiftly toward her and Amelie, she could see the tension in his frame. Seeing him after all these months set off a visceral response inside her. Her stomach clenched. Her heart beat unevenly.

“Hi, darling,” Amelie said, remaining seated on the sand under the tree as she sipped Pippa’s water. Pippa was still surprised at how quickly the woman had recovered after fainting. “Sorry to be a bother, but I woke up early and I just couldn’t resist the chance to go for a walk on the beach.”

“I would have been happy to walk with you,” Nic said and turned to Pippa. What she wouldn’t give to get a peek behind his dark sunglasses. “Thank you for calling me. I’ll take her back to the yacht now and you can continue your run. I didn’t know you were a runner.”

She felt her face heat with self-consciousness. “I’m more of a combination walker and runner.”

He nodded and glanced back at his mother. “Dad’s beside himself with worry. It was all I could do to keep him from tearing after you.”

“Paul can’t hobble with crutches let alone tear after me with that broken foot of his. The doctor said it will be ten more weeks before he can put any weight on it at all,” she said, then turned her head thoughtfully to the side. “You know what I’m in the mood for? Crepes. There used to be a wonderful café on the edge of town. They made the most delicious crepes.”

“Bebe’s on Oleander,” Pippa said. “It’s still there, and Bebe’s granddaughter helps makes the crepes.”

“Oh,” Amelie said, clasping her hands together. “It’s still there. We must go. And we can bring one back for Paul.” She turned to Pippa. “You must come, too.”

Pippa blinked at the invitation and slid a quick helpless glance at Nic.

“Mother, do you know who Pippa is?” he asked as he extended his hand to help her rise to her feet.

Amelie studied her for a long moment and frowned. “She looks a bit familiar. I can’t quite.” Her eyes widened. “Oh, dear. You’re a Devereaux. I can see it in your eyes and your chin. Oh, dear. This could get a bit messy.”

“Just a little,” Nic said in a wry tone. “But let’s give her the choice. Would you like to join us for crepes, Your Highness?”

Pippa heard the hint of goading challenge in Nic’s voice. She’d heard it before, but it seemed to hold more of an edge than ever. The truth was she didn’t want her photo taken with Nic and his mother. To say it could cause problems was a huge understatement.

“That’s okay,” he said before she could respond. “Thanks again for looking out for my mother. Ci—”

“I’m coming,” Pippa said impulsively. “Unless you’re rescinding the invitation,” she tossed back at him in her own challenging voice.

He paused a half beat and tilted his head as if she’d taken him off guard. The possibility thrilled her. “Not at all. Would you like to ride with us in my vehicle?”

“Thank you, but no. I’ll drive myself and meet you in about fifteen minutes,” Pippa said and turned her gaze to Amelie. “I’ll see you soon. Please drink some more fluids.”

“Thank you, darling. Isn’t she delightful?” she said to Nic. “She fusses just like you do.”

“Yes,” he said in a dry tone. “Delightful.”

Fifteen minutes later as Pippa put a ball cap on her head and adjusted her large pair of sunglasses, she wondered if she’d lost her mind agreeing to join Nic and his mother, the notorious Amelie, for crepes. Glancing in the rearview mirror, she could easily imagine the horror on the face of the royal advisers. Running on the beach at 6:00 a.m. in her current state was one thing, but walking into a public place of business was quite another. She thought of Nic’s goading attitude and made a face at the mirror. Well, she couldn’t back down now. Stepping from her car, she could only hope she wouldn’t be recognized.

Because she’d spent far less time in the public eye than her siblings, that was on her side. Her hair, however, was very distinctive and not in a good way. Wavy and brown with a tendency to frizz, she hoped she’d concealed it adequately by pulling it back in a ponytail and covering it with a cap.

She walked into the old but elegant eating establishment that featured every kind of crepe one could imagine. As soon as she stepped inside, she spotted Amelie, who also saw her and lifted her hand in a wave. Nic, sitting opposite Amelia, turned his head around to look at her and also waved. His gaze said he was surprised she’d shown up, which irritated Pippa.

She walked to the booth where Amelia and Nic sat and sank onto the red vinyl seat.

“Lovely that you joined us,” Amelie said and smiled as she lifted a menu. “How shall I choose? I want one of everything.”

Enchanted, Pippa picked up the menu. The array of choices was vast and mind-boggling. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Something sweet,” Amelie said. “Sweet, fruity. Oh, no, chocolate, too.” She shrugged helplessly.

The waitress approached. “Bonjour. How can I help you? Coffee?”

“Yes,” Amelie said. “Café au lait.”

“Tea,” Pippa said.

“Coffee, black,” Nic said. “Ladies, any idea what you want to order?”

“Apricot crepes. Strawberries and cream. Chocolate hazelnut. Banana cream.” Amelie paused.

Wondering how the woman could possibly consume that many crepes, she exchanged a quick glance with Nic, who shook his head and rubbed his jaw. She glanced back at Amelie. “Do you want anything with protein?”

“Not particularly,” Nic’s mother said.

“And you?” Pippa asked Nic.

He shrugged. “I’m here for the ride.”

“Can you please also bring us the crepe suzette and some carryout boxes?” Pippa asked the server.

“No problem, ma’am,” she said and stared at Pippa for a long moment. “Pardon me, you look familiar.”

Pippa fought a sliver of panic and held her breath. Please don’t recognize me.

“Are you a newscaster?”

Relief rushed through her, making her almost giddy. She shook her head and smiled. “Nope, I’m just a university student. Thanks for the compliment, though.”

The server’s face was sheepish. “No trouble. I’ll have your order up as soon as possible.”

“Thank you so very much,” Pippa said and after the server left, she felt the gazes of both Nic and Amelie.

Amelie sighed, lifting her shoulders and smiling with a charm that lit up the room and Pippa suddenly realized who the woman resembled. Gamin with superexpressive eyes, Amelie could have been a white-haired twin of Audrey Hepburn. “It’s so wonderful to be here again. Magic. The smell is divine. I should have come back sooner, so I’ll just make up for it today.”

“You don’t want to make yourself sick,” Nic said.

“Of course not. I’ll just take a bite of each, and we can take the rest back to Paul.” Amelie’s smile fell and she made a tsking sound. “Poor Paul. He’s in such pain with his foot.”

She said it as if she suffered no pain herself, but Pippa knew she did. She took a quick glance at Nic and caught the tightening of his jaw. She was struck by Amelie’s determination to grab at every experience in life and Nic’s struggle to hide a myriad of the emotions he was experiencing.

“I’ve heard the recovery from a broken foot can be a bear,” Pippa said.

“Oh, and trust me, Paul is a being a complete bear,” Amelie said. “He doesn’t like being restrained. Never has.” Amelie glanced at Nic. “It runs in the family.” She turned back to Pippa with an expressive, interested gaze. “But enough about us. Tell me about you, your interests, your life. Over the years, I’ve read a few stories in the news about the Devereauxs, and I must confess I wondered about Edward’s children. I’m sure he must have been proud of all of you.”

Pippa paused. The truth was her father hadn’t been very involved with any of his children. He’d given the most attention to her brother Stefan because he would be the heir, but her father was mostly pleased that he had enough children to do the work, so he could spend more time playing on his yacht. Often with women other than his wife.

“I’ve always been a bit of a bookworm. I’m working on my doctorate in genealogy with a specialization on the medical impact on the citizens of Chantaine. My brother Stefan is determined to improve the health care of our people, so he has approved my path of studies.”

“That’s fascinating,” Amelie said. “What have you learned so far?”

“Like many countries, our people are more susceptible to some diseases and conditions than others. These can be traced back hundreds of years to the introduction of different immigrants, new foods and changes in our environment. The neurological disease that struck down my father can be traced back to his great-great-grandmother’s family. There are also certain cancers that became more common such as when Chantaine experienced a large immigration from Iceland.”

Amelie gave a slow nod. “I wonder if—” She glanced up and broke off with a smile. “The crepes are here.”

Just as she’d said, Amelie only took a bite of each crepe. She savored each bite, closing her eyes and making a mmm sound. “I’m tempted to eat more, but I know it would be a mistake.” She leaned toward Pippa and extended her hand. “Dear, I must tell you that even though I couldn’t marry your father all those years ago, I wished him only the very best after we parted. I hope he was happy.”

Pippa tried to think of how to respond to Amelie’s words. The story about Edward and Amelie’s courtship was the stuff of tabloids. Before he’d taken the throne, Prince Edward had fallen for Amelie and Amelie had been entranced by him for a short while. When she’d met Paul Lafitte, from the States, however, she’d fallen for the tall, dark Texan hook, line and sinker. The Lafittes descended from pirates and even Pippa had to agree the Lafitte men held a dark, irresistible charm.

When Amelie tried to break off her engagement, Prince Edward had refused. Paul had intervened on her behalf and there’d been a terrible brawl. Her father the prince had been humiliated and Pippa wasn’t certain he’d ever truly given his heart away again.

“I think he enjoyed his life,” Pippa finally said. “He loved his yacht and the sea and we always felt glad that he was able to indulge his passion.”

Amelie patted Pippa’s hand. “You’re a lovely girl. As they say in Texas, you do him proud. Now, if you’ll both excuse me while I powder my nose,” she said and stood.

Nic also stood. “Need an escort?” he asked.

“Not this time, darling. Maybe you can talk Pippa into nibbling on some of those crepes,” she said and walked away.

“Is she okay?” Pippa asked when he sat down.

He shrugged. “For the moment. The next moment could bring something totally different. She knows her time is short and she’s decided to make the most of it. The only problem is she’s turned into an eight-year-old. Impulsive, runs off without thinking. With my father down due to his broken foot, I’ve become her keeper.”

Pippa swallowed over the knot of emotion in her throat and began to put the crepes in the carryout boxes. “I’m sure it’s difficult. On the one hand, you want to give her everything she wants. On the other, you want to keep her safe. It’s an impossible situation. She told me,” she said, biting her lip, “that she wants to die in Chantaine.”

His gaze narrowed. “That’s going to be a tough wish to fulfill given the fact that my father isn’t allowed to set foot on Chantaine.”

Cold realization rushed through her. “I forgot all about that. I can’t believe that would be enforced after all these years.”

He gave a rough chuckle. “After all these years, your family still hates me. I can’t take the chance that your family would lock him up in prison.”

“It wouldn’t be my family. It’s a silly law,” she said.

“Same result. It sucks, but Amelie can’t have every wish on her bucket list. I’ll do my damn best to make sure she gets as many as I can,” he said and stood as his mother arrived at the table.

Amelie met his gaze and sighed. “We should leave, shouldn’t we?”

He nodded and placed the boxes in a bag.

“Let me look around just one more moment,” she said, surveying the room as if she wanted to savor each detail, the same way she’d savored each bite of the crepes. “I’ve already spoken to Bebe. She’s lovely as is her granddaughter. Ciao,” she whispered and picked up the bag, then led the way to the door.

A terrible helplessness tore at Pippa as she followed Amelie out the door. She felt Nic’s presence behind her and tried to tamp down the painful knot in her chest. Seeing him again had been like ripping off a bandage before the wound was healed. She’d thought the longing she’d felt for him before was awful, but now it was even worse. Knowing that he was facing some of his darkest days and that she shouldn’t, couldn’t, help him, was untenable. Meeting his magical mother face-to-face and seeing her courage and joy made her feel like a wimp. Her biggest challenge to date was writing her dissertation.

Amelie stopped beside Nic’s Mercedes and turned to Pippa. “I hope we meet again, Your Highness. You’re the nicest princess I’ve ever met. I’m sorry I frightened you with my annoying fainting spell. But then you gave me water and helped me remember Bebe’s. I certainly came out the winner in this situation.”

“I beg to differ,” Pippa said. “It was my great pleasure to meet you.”

“Ciao, darling princess,” she said and Nic opened the door for her.

Pippa should have turned away, but she couldn’t resist one more look at his face. It was the worst kind of craving imaginable.

He turned and met her gaze for a heart-stopping moment that took her breath away. “Ciao, Princess.”

Still distracted by her encounter with Nic and his mother after she’d returned to the palace, Pippa started down the hallway to her living quarters. She would need to set the Lafittes’ situation aside if she was going to make any progress on her research today, and heaven knows, progress had been very slow coming since she’d made the insane mistake of getting involved with Nic. The problem was that even after she’d broken off with him, he still haunted her so much that she struggled to get her work done.