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1280

A JEST.

A priest, making the rounds of his parish on Easter Eve, and sprinkling holy water in the houses as is customary, came to a painter's room, where he sprinkled the water on some of his pictures. The painter turned round, somewhat angered, and asked him why this sprinkling had been bestowed on his pictures; then said the priest, that it was the custom and his duty to do so, and that he was doing good; and that he who did good might look for good in return, and, indeed, for better, since God had promised that every good deed that was done on earth should be rewarded a hundred-fold from above. Then the painter, waiting till he went out, went to an upper window and flung a large pail of water on the priest's back, saying: "Here is the reward a hundred-fold from above, which you said would come from the good you had done me with your holy water, by which you have damaged my pictures."

1281

When wine is drunk by a drunkard, that wine is revenged on the drinker.

1282

Wine, the divine juice of the grape, finding itself in a golden and richly wrought cup, on the table of Mahomet, was puffed up with pride at so much honour; when suddenly it was struck by a contrary reflection, saying to itself: "What am I about, that I should rejoice, and not perceive that I am now near to my death and shall leave my golden abode in this cup to enter into the foul and fetid caverns of the human body, and to be transmuted from a fragrant and delicious liquor into a foul and base one. Nay, and as though so much evil as this were not enough, I must for a long time lie in hideous receptacles, together with other fetid and corrupt matter, cast out from human intestines." And it cried to Heaven, imploring vengeance for so much insult, and that an end might henceforth be put to such contempt; and that, since that country produced the finest and best grapes in the whole world, at least they should not be turned into wine. Then Jove made that wine drunk by Mahomet to rise in spirit to his brain; and that in so deleterious a manner that it made him mad, and gave birth to so many follies that when he had recovered himself, he made a law that no Asiatic should drink wine, and henceforth the vine and its fruit were left free.

As soon as wine has entered the stomach it begins to ferment and swell; then the spirit of that man begins to abandon his body, rising as it were skywards, and the brain finds itself parting from the body. Then it begins to degrade him, and make him rave like a madman, and then he does irreparable evil, killing his friends.

1283

An artizan often going to visit a great gentleman without any definite purpose, the gentleman asked him what he did this for. The other said that he came there to have a pleasure which his lordship could not have; since to him it was a satisfaction to see men greater than himself, as is the way with the populace; while the gentleman could only see men of less consequence than himself; and so lords and great men were deprived of that pleasure.

1284

Franciscan begging Friars are wont, at certain times, to keep fasts, when they do not eat meat in their convents. But on journeys, as they live on charity, they have license to eat whatever is set before them. Now a couple of these friars on their travels, stopped at an inn, in company with a certain merchant, and sat down with him at the same table, where, from the poverty of the inn, nothing was served to them but a small roast chicken. The merchant, seeing this to be but little even for himself, turned to the friars and said: "If my memory serves me, you do not eat any kind of flesh in your convents at this season." At these words the friars were compelled by their rule to admit, without cavil, that this was the truth; so the merchant had his wish, and eat the chicken and the friars did the best they could. After dinner the messmates departed, all three together, and after travelling some distance they came to a river of some width and depth. All three being on foot—the friars by reason of their poverty, and the other from avarice—it was necessary by the custom of company that one of the friars, being barefoot, should carry the merchant on his shoulders: so having given his wooden shoes into his keeping, he took up his man. But it so happened that when the friar had got to the middle of the river, he again remembered a rule of his order, and stopping short, he looked up, like Saint Christopher, to the burden on his back and said: "Tell me, have you any money about you?"—"You know I have", answered the other, "How do you suppose that a Merchant like me should go about otherwise?" "Alack!" cried the friar, "our rules forbid as to carry any money on our persons," and forthwith he dropped him into the water, which the merchant perceived was a facetious way of being revenged on the indignity he had done them; so, with a smiling face, and blushing somewhat with shame, he peaceably endured the revenge.

1285

A JEST.

A man wishing to prove, by the authority of Pythagoras, that he had formerly been in the world, while another would not let him finish his argument, the first speaker said to the second: "It is by this token that I was formerly here, I remember that you were a miller." The other one, feeling himself stung by these words, agreed that it was true, and that by the same token he remembered that the speaker had been the ass that carried the flour.

A JEST.

It was asked of a painter why, since he made such beautiful figures, which were but dead things, his children were so ugly; to which the painter replied that he made his pictures by day, and his children by night.

1286

A man saw a large sword which another one wore at his side. Said he "Poor fellow, for a long time I have seen you tied to that weapon; why do you not release yourself as your hands are untied, and set yourself free?" To which the other replied: "This is none of yours, on the contrary it is an old story." The former speaker, feeling stung, replied: "I know that you are acquainted with so few things in this world, that I thought anything I could tell you would be new to you."

1287

A man gave up his intimacy with one of his friends because he often spoke ill of his other friends. The neglected friend one day lamenting to this former friend, after much complaining, entreated him to say what might be the cause that had made him forget so much friendship. To which he answered: "I will no longer be intimate with you because I love you, and I do not choose that you, by speaking ill of me, your friend, to others, should produce in others, as in me, a bad impression of yourself, by speaking evil to them of me, your friend. Therefore, being no longer intimate together, it will seem as though we had become enemies; and in speaking evil of me, as is your wont, you will not be blamed so much as if we continued intimate.

1288

A man was arguing and boasting that he knew many and various tricks. Another among the bystanders said: "I know how to play a trick which will make whomsoever I like pull off his breeches." The first man— the boaster—said: "You won't make me pull off mine, and I bet you a pair of hose on it." He who proposed the game, having accepted the offer, produced breeches and drew them across the face of him who bet the pair of hose and won the bet [4].

A man said to an acquaintance: "Your eyes are changed to a strange colour." The other replied: "It often happens, but you have not noticed it." "When does it happen?" said the former. "Every time that my eyes see your ugly face, from the shock of so unpleasing a sight they suddenly turn pale and change to a strange colour."

A man said to another: "Your eyes are changed to a strange colour." The other replied: "It is because my eyes behold your strange ugly face."

A man said that in his country were the strangest things in the world. Another answered: "You, who were born there, confirm this as true, by the strangeness of your ugly face."

[Footnote: The joke turns, it appears, on two meanings of trarre and is not easily translated.]

1289

An old man was publicly casting contempt on a young one, and boldly showing that he did not fear him; on which the young man replied that his advanced age served him better as a shield than either his tongue or his strength.

1290

A JEST.

A sick man finding himself in articulo mortis heard a knock at the door, and asking one of his servants who was knocking, the servant went out, and answered that it was a woman calling herself Madonna Bona. Then the sick man lifting his arms to Heaven thanked God with a loud voice, and told the servants that they were to let her come in at once, so that he might see one good woman before he died, since in all his life he had never yet seen one.

1291

A JEST.

A man was desired to rise from bed, because the sun was already risen. To which he replied: "If I had as far to go, and as much to do as he has, I should be risen by now; but having but a little way to go, I shall not rise yet."

1292

A man, seeing a woman ready to hold up the target for a jousting match, exclaimed, looking at the shield, and considering his spear: "Alack! this is too small a workman for so great a business."

IV

PROPHECIES

1293

THE DIVISION OF THE PROPHECIES.

First, of things relating to animals; secondly, of irrational creatures; thirdly of plants; fourthly, of ceremonies; fifthly, of manners; sixthly, of cases or edicts or quarrels; seventhly, of cases that are impossible in nature [paradoxes], as, for instance, of those things which, the more is taken from them, the more they grow. And reserve the great matters till the end, and the small matters give at the beginning. And first show the evils and then the punishment of philosophical things.

Of Ants.

These creatures will form many communities, which will hide themselves and their young ones and victuals in dark caverns, and they will feed themselves and their families in dark places for many months without any light, artificial or natural.

[Footnote: Lines 1—51 are in the original written in one column, beginning with the text of line 11. At the end of the column is the programme for the arrangement of the prophecies, placed here at the head: Lines 56—79 form a second column, lines 80—97 a third one (see the reproduction of the text on the facsimile PI. CXVIII).
Another suggestion for the arrangement of the prophecies is to be found among the notes 55—57 on page 357.]

( Of Bees.)

And many others will be deprived of their store and their food, and will be cruelly submerged and drowned by folks devoid of reason. Oh Justice of God! Why dost thou not wake and behold thy creatures thus ill used?

( Of Sheep, Cows, Goats and the like.)

Endless multitudes of these will have their little children taken from them ripped open and flayed and most barbarously quartered.

( Of Nuts, and Olives, and Acorns, and Chesnuts, and such like. )

Many offspring shall be snatched by cruel thrashing from the very arms of their mothers, and flung on the ground, and crushed.

( Of Children bound in Bundles. )

O cities of the Sea! In you I see your citizens—both females and males—tightly bound, arms and legs, with strong withes by folks who will not understand your language. And you will only be able to assuage your sorrows and lost liberty by means of tearful complaints and sighing and lamentation among yourselves; for those who will bind you will not understand you, nor will you understand them.

( Of Cats that eat Rats.)

In you, O cities of Africa your children will be seen quartered in their own houses by most cruel and rapacious beasts of your own country.

( Of Asses that are beaten.)

[Footnote 48: Compare No. 845.] O Nature! Wherefore art thou so partial; being to some of thy children a tender and benign mother, and to others a most cruel and pitiless stepmother? I see children of thine given up to slavery to others, without any sort of advantage, and instead of remuneration for the good they do, they are paid with the severest suffering, and spend their whole life in benefitting those who ill treat them.

[Of Men who sleep on boards of Trees.]

Men shall sleep, and eat, and dwell among trees, in the forests and open country.

[Of Dreaming.]

Men will seem to see new destructions in the sky. The flames that fall from it will seem to rise in it and to fly from it with terror. They will hear every kind of animals speak in human language. They will instantaneously run in person in various parts of the world, without motion. They will see the greatest splendour in the midst of darkness. O! marvel of the human race! What madness has led you thus! You will speak with animals of every species and they with you in human speech. You will see yourself fall from great heights without any harm and torrents will accompany you, and will mingle with their rapid course.

[Of Christians.]

Many who hold the faith of the Son only build temples in the name of the Mother.

[Of Food which has been alive.]

[84] A great portion of bodies that have been alive will pass into the bodies of other animals; which is as much as to say, that the deserted tenements will pass piecemeal into the inhabited ones, furnishing them with good things, and carrying with them their evils. That is to say the life of man is formed from things eaten, and these carry with them that part of man which dies . . .

1294

[Of Funeral Rites, and Processions, and Lights, and Bells, and Followers.]

The greatest honours will be paid to men, and much pomp, without their knowledge.

[Footnote: A facsimile of this text is on PI. CXVI below on the right, but the writing is larger than the other notes on the same sheet and of a somewhat different style. The ink is also of a different hue, as may be seen on the original sheet at Milan.]

***84 and following; compare No. 846.

1295

(Of the Avaricious.)

There will be many who will eagerly and with great care and solicitude follow up a thing, which, if they only knew its malignity, would always terrify them.

(Of those men, who, the older they grow, the more avaricious they become, whereas, having but little time to stay, they should become more liberal.)

We see those who are regarded as being most experienced and judicious, when they least need a thing, seek and cherish it with most avidity.

*Of the Ditch.*

Many will be busied in taking away from a thing, which will grow in proportion as it is diminished.

*Of a Weight placed on a Feather-pillow.*

And it will be seen in many bodies that by raising the head they swell visibly; and by laying the raised head down again, their size will immediately be diminished.

*Of catching Lice.*

And many will be hunters of animals, which, the fewer there are the more will be taken; and conversely, the more there are, the fewer will be taken.

*Of Drawing Water in two Buckets with a single Rope.*

And many will be busily occupied, though the more of the thing they draw up, the more will escape at the other end.

*Of the Tongues of Pigs and Calves in Sausage-skins.*

Oh! how foul a thing, that we should see the tongue of one animal in the guts of another.

*Of Sieves made of the Hair of Animals.*

We shall see the food of animals pass through their skin everyway excepting through their mouths, and penetrate from the outside downwards to the ground.

*( Of Lanterns. )*

[Footnote 35: Lanterns were in Italy formerly made of horn.] The cruel horns of powerful bulls will screen the lights of night against the wild fury of the winds.

*( Of Feather-beds. )*

Flying creatures will give their very feathers to support men.

*( Of Animals which walk on Trees—wearing wooden Shoes. )*

The mire will be so great that men will walk on the trees of their country.

*( Of the Soles of Shoes, which are made from the Ox. )*

And in many parts of the country men will be seen walking on the skins of large beasts.

*( Of Sailing in Ships. )*

There will be great winds by reason of which things of the East will become things of the West; and those of the South, being involved in the course of the winds, will follow them to distant lands.

*( Of Worshipping the Pictures of Saints. )*

Men will speak to men who hear not; having their eyes open, they will not see; they will speak to these, and they will not be answered. They will implore favours of those who have ears and hear not; they will make light for the blind.

*( Of Sawyers. )*

There will be many men who will move one against another, holding in their hands a cutting tool. But these will not do each other any injury beyond tiring each other; for, when one pushes forward the other will draw back. But woe to him who comes between them! For he will end by being cut in pieces.

*( Of Silk-spinning. )*

Dismal cries will be heard loud, shrieking with anguish, and the hoarse and smothered tones of those who will be despoiled, and at last left naked and motionless; and this by reason of the mover, which makes every thing turn round.

*( Of putting Bread into the Mouth of the Oven and taking it out again. )*

In every city, land, castle and house, men shall be seen, who for want of food will take it out of the mouths of others, who will not be able to resist in any way.

*( Of tilled Land. )*

The Earth will be seen turned up side down and facing the opposite hemispheres, uncovering the lurking holes of the fiercest animals.

*( Of Sowing Seed. )*

Then many of the men who will remain alive, will throw the victuals they have preserved out of their houses, a free prey to the birds and beasts of the earth, without taking any care of them at all.

*( Of the Rains, which, by making the Rivers muddy, wash away the

Land. )*

[Footnote 81: Compare No. 945.] Something will fall from the sky which will transport a large part of Africa which lies under that sky towards Europe, and that of Europe towards Africa, and that of the Scythian countries will meet with tremendous revolutions [Footnote 84: Compare No. 945.].

*( Of Wood that burns. )*

The trees and shrubs in the great forests will be converted into cinder.

*( Of Kilns for Bricks and Lime. )*

Finally the earth will turn red from a conflagration of many days and the stones will be turned to cinders.

*( Of boiled Fish. )*

The natives of the waters will die in the boiling flood.

*( Of the Olives which fall from the Olive trees, shedding oil which makes light. )*

And things will fall with great force from above, which will give us nourishment and light.

*[Of Owls and screech owls and what will happen to certain birds.]*

Many will perish of dashing their heads in pieces, and the eyes of many will jump out of their heads by reason of fearful creatures come out of the darkness.

*[Of flax which works the cure of men.]*

That which was at first bound, cast out and rent by many and various beaters will be respected and honoured, and its precepts will be listened to with reverence and love.

*[Of Books which teach Precepts.]*

Bodies without souls will, by their contents give us precepts by which to die well.

*[Of Flagellants.]*

Men will hide themselves under the bark of trees, and, screaming, they will make themselves martyrs, by striking their own limbs.

*[Of the Handles of Knives made of the Horns of Sheep.]*

We shall see the horns of certain beasts fitted to iron tools, which will take the lives of many of their kind.

*[Of Night when no Colour can be discerned.]*

There will come a time when no difference can be discerned between colours, on the contrary, everything will be black alike.

*[Of Swords and Spears which by themselves never hurt any one.]*

One who by himself is mild enough and void of all offence will become terrible and fierce by being in bad company, and will most cruelly take the life of many men, and would kill many more if they were not hindered by bodies having no soul, that have come out of caverns—that is, breastplates of iron.

*[Of Snares and Traps.]*

Many dead things will move furiously, and will take and bind the living, and will ensnare them for the enemies who seek their death and destruction.

*( Of Metals. )*

That shall be brought forth out of dark and obscure caves, which will put the whole human race in great anxiety, peril and death. To many that seek them, after many sorrows they will give delight, and to those who are not in their company, death with want and misfortune. This will lead to the commission of endless crimes; this will increase and persuade bad men to assassinations, robberies and treachery, and by reason of it each will be suspicious of his partner. This will deprive free cities of their happy condition; this will take away the lives of many; this will make men torment each other with many artifices deceptions and treasons. O monstrous creature! How much better would it be for men that every thing should return to Hell! For this the vast forests will be devastated of their trees; for this endless animals will lose their lives.

*( Of Fire. )*

One shall be born from small beginnings which will rapidly become vast. This will respect no created thing, rather will it, by its power, transform almost every thing from its own nature into another.

*( Of Ships which sink. )*

Huge bodies will be seen, devoid of life, carrying, in fierce haste, a multitude of men to the destruction of their lives.

*( Of Oxen, which are eaten. )*

The masters of estates will eat their own labourers.

*( Of beating Beds to renew them. )*

Men will be seen so deeply ungrateful that they will turn upon that which has harboured them, for nothing at all; they will so load it with blows that a great part of its inside will come out of its place, and will be turned over and over in its body.

*( Of Things which are eaten and which first are killed. )*

Those who nourish them will be killed by them and afflicted by merciless deaths.

*(Of the Reflection of Walls of Cities in the Water of their

Ditches.)*

The high walls of great cities will be seen up side down in their ditches.

*(Of Water, which flows turbid and mixed with Soil and Dust; and of Mist, which is mixed with the Air; and of Fire which is mixed with its own, and each with each.)*

All the elements will be seen mixed together in a great whirling mass, now borne towards the centre of the world, now towards the sky; and now furiously rushing from the South towards the frozen North, and sometimes from the East towards the West, and then again from this hemisphere to the other.

*(The World may be divided into two Hemispheres at any Point.)*

All men will suddenly be transferred into opposite hemispheres.

*(The division of the East from the West may be made at any point.)*

All living creatures will be moved from the East to the West; and in the same way from North to South, and vice versa.

*(Of the Motion of Water which carries wood, which is dead.)*

Bodies devoid of life will move by themselves and carry with them endless generations of the dead, taking the wealth from the bystanders.

*(Of Eggs which being eaten cannot form Chickens.)*

Oh! how many will they be that never come to the birth!

*(Of Fishes which are eaten unborn.)*

Endless generations will be lost by the death of the pregnant.

*(Of the Lamentation on Good Friday.)*

Throughout Europe there will be a lamentation of great nations over the death of one man who died in the East.

*(Of Dreaming.)*

Men will walk and not stir, they will talk to those who are not present, and hear those who do not speak.

*(Of a Man's Shadow which moves with him.)*

Shapes and figures of men and animals will be seen following these animals and men wherever they flee. And exactly as the one moves the other moves; but what seems so wonderful is the variety of height they assume.

*(Of our Shadow cast by the Sun, and our Reflection in the Water at one and the same time.)*

Many a time will one man be seen as three and all three move together, and often the most real one quits him.

*(Of wooden Chests which contain great Treasures.)*

Within walnuts and trees and other plants vast treasures will be found, which lie hidden there and well guarded.

*(Of putting out the Light when going to Bed.)*

Many persons puffing out a breath with too much haste, will thereby lose their sight, and soon after all consciousness.

*(Of the Bells of Mules, which are close to their Ears.)*

In many parts of Europe instruments of various sizes will be heard making divers harmonies, with great labour to those who hear them most closely.

*(Of Asses.)*

The severest labour will be repaid with hunger and thirst, and discomfort, and blows, and goadings, and curses, and great abuse.

*(Of Soldiers on horseback.)*

Many men will be seen carried by large animals, swift of pace, to the loss of their lives and immediate death.