Kitabı oku: «Always a Mother», sayfa 2
He sucked in a deep breath. “Okay. We’re both eighteen, so we’ll get married and continue with our plans.”
“On what? When my parents find out I’m pregnant, they’ll disown me. They don’t even know I’ve been seeing you.”
“Then we’ll make it on our own.”
“Dean, be realistic. We’ll have a child to raise and we’ll both have to find jobs.”
He slipped his arms around her and held her close. “Don’t panic. Whatever happens, I’ll be here for you and the baby. I’m not running out on you like my dad ran out on my mom and me. First, make an appointment with the doctor and let’s find out for sure.”
She trailed her hands to the strong column of his neck, needing to touch his skin. She kissed his ear, his jaw, and felt his muscles tighten.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Cupping her face with both hands, he ran his tongue over her lips. “I love you, too. And we’ll face this together. If you’re pregnant, we’ll have to tell your parents.”
She winced. “It’s going to be an ugly scene.”
“Yeah.” He kissed her deeply and she clung to him.
The March wind blew against them, but they kept holding on to each other. Holding on to the now, the present, their love. In the days to come their love would be tested, and neither knew if it would survive the pressures of the outside world.
CHAPTER TWO
A Week Later…
THEY SAT IN THE DOCTOR’S office waiting for the result of the pregnancy test. Dean had skipped basketball practice, and Claire loved him all the more for that. She couldn’t face this alone.
The nurse called them into a small room and they waited some more.
“Are you nervous?” Dean asked, clutching Claire’s hand.
“A little.”
“Me, too.”
The doctor came in with a folder and sat at his desk.
“Dr. Miller, this is Dean Rennels, my boyfriend.”
“Nice to meet you, son.” They shook hands. “I’ve seen you play football. Very impressive.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“I’m glad you’re with Claire today.” He glanced at the contents in the folder. “The test is positive. You’re pregnant—about two months. The baby should be born in late September.”
Her heart fell to the pit of her stomach and for a moment she couldn’t breathe. Dean turned a sickly white. The silence told its own story—two young people caught between love and reality, without a clue as to the difference.
Dr. Miller closed the folder. “I can see this is a shock. I always tell women they have three choices—abortion, adoption or acceptance. It’s your decision, Claire.”
Abortion! She couldn’t kill their baby. Nor could she give it up for adoption. That left acceptance. She swallowed hard, words congealing with the bile in her throat.
Dean stood. “We’re getting married, sir.”
“I see.” Dr. Miller looked at Claire. “Do your parents know this?”
“No, and I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t mention it until I do.”
The doctor fidgeted. “My wife was here the day you came in for the test. When she saw your mom at the club, she casually mentioned she’d seen you. Dorian spoke out of turn and I’m sorry for that. I would never divulge your situation.”
“How could she?” The Millers and her parents belonged to the same country club. Claire had seen the doctor’s wife that day and never dreamed she’d say anything to her mother. That was three days ago and her mom hadn’t said a word. Why?
“Dorian just thought you were in for a checkup. I’m so sorry.”
Claire rose on shaky legs. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not going to remain a secret long.”
Once they were in the hall, she was shaking so violently that Dean pulled her into a small waiting area to sit down.
“Are you okay?”
She had to take several deep breaths. “What are we going to do?”
“Get married like we planned.”
“What about college?”
“We’ll manage.” He rubbed her arm and his touch instilled a sense of calm in her. “We’ll take one day at a time. I’ll get a marriage license as soon as possible.”
She blinked back a tear. Her parents had such dreams for their only child’s wedding. Through tears she looked at him. “If I didn’t love you so much, I’d hate you.”
He winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t plan this, either.”
“I know.”
“I’m glad we’re keeping the baby,” he murmured.
“Could you live with yourself if we did anything different?”
“No.” His eyes caught hers. “We love each other. We’ll make it.”
“Do you believe love is enough?”
He nodded. “Yes.”
“Then I do, too.”
She placed her hand in his, along with her heart and her life. Together they walked out of the building. At her car he kissed her, and she knew they were going to be okay. Then out of the corner of her eye she saw her dad’s Lincoln.
“Oh my God.”
“What?”
“There’s my dad.”
The car screeched to a stop a few feet from them. Both her parents got out.
“Get away from my daughter,” Robert Thornton shouted at Dean, his face red with anger.
Dean didn’t budge. “Claire and I are getting married.”
“Like hell.” Robert loosened his tie and jerked it off.
“Dad, please,” Claire begged. “We’re in love and…and I’m pregnant.”
Her mother, Gwen, gasped.
“You bastard. I’ll kill you for this.” Robert took a step toward Dean, but Gwen caught his arm. “Robert, watch your temper.”
Her father sucked in a breath. “Get in the car, Claire.”
“Dad…”
“Get in the car or I’m calling the cops and having this bastard arrested. Your choice.”
“Please, Claire, let’s go home,” her mother pleaded.
There was nothing Claire could do. For now she had to follow her parents’ instructions. She looked back at Dean’s shattered expression and her heart broke. Would she ever see him again?
In the Thornton Home…
CLAIRE SAT LISTENING to everything she’d done wrong. A numbness settled over her body—a numbness of her spirit and her soul.
She wanted Dean.
She needed Dean.
“How could you, Claire? How could you do this?” her mother asked. “You have your whole life ahead of you and now…” Gwen shook back her blond hair. “I’m just appalled at your blatant disobedience. That boy has been a bad influence on you. You never disobeyed us before you met him.”
“I love him.”
“At your age you don’t even know what love is.” Gwen’s voice rose in anger. “I don’t understand how you can be so smart and yet so dumb.”
Before she could respond, her father came back into the room. “It’s all set for first thing in the morning.”
“What’s all set?” Claire asked.
“I’ve made arrangements to have the baby aborted.”
She felt the blood drain from her face. “No!” she screamed.
“It’s for the best,” her mother said. “You can’t let this ruin your whole life. College is waiting for you. Later you can have all the children you want, and the wedding you’ve dreamed about. You’ll thank us then.”
Claire bit her lip to keep from screaming again and realized there was no point in talking to them. Their minds were made up. Slowly, she trudged upstairs. She curled up on her bed and cried for being so young and stupid.
And she cried for being in love.
After there were no tears left, she rallied her strength. No one was taking this baby from her. She phoned Dean.
“Claire, are you okay?”
“No. I have to get out of here. My father has made an appointment for an abortion in the morning.”
“I’ll be right there.”
“No. After they’re asleep, I’ll call you.”
“Okay.”
“But where will I go?”
“You can stay here with Mom and me. She might be a little ticked off, but she won’t kick us out.”
“Are you sure?”
“Oh, yeah. I know my mom.”
“Dean, I’m scared.”
“Me, too.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
She hung up and reached for pad and pen and wrote Dean a letter, telling him how much she loved him. Putting her fears in writing helped to pass the time.
DEAN WAS WORRIED about Claire—it wasn’t like her to go somewhere without telling him. And why had she taken the letters? As he sat in the den, his mind went back to that first night she’d left home.
March 16, 1983
DEAN PICKED UP CLAIRE right before midnight on the corner of her street. They didn’t talk much. Neither knew if they were doing the right thing.
They made it to Bunny’s before she got home from work. Her shift ended at twelve. When he told his mother what had happened, she exploded, just as he knew she would.
“We’re planning on getting married,” he told her.
“And that’s supposed to solve everything.” In her black-and-white uniform, a pencil behind one ear, Bunny glared at him, her hands on her hips. “I thought I raised you better than this. Protection! I’ve drilled that into your head since you were fourteen years old.”
“We used protection, but it didn’t work. I love Claire and she loves me. I’m getting a marriage license tomorrow. We just need a place to stay.”
Bunny threw up her hands. “Champ, do you think it’s that easy? The Thorntons will be knocking down my door as soon as they discover Claire’s gone.”
“I’m not going back,” Claire said. “They want me to have an abortion.”
“What?” Bunny’s face turned almost as red as her hair.
“We can’t let that happen, Mom. Please help us.”
She rubbed the balls of her hands into her eyes. “Champ, that’s why I have to dye my hair. You’ve turned it almost completely white.”
“Then you’ll let us stay here?”
“Yes.” She pointed a red-tipped finger at Claire. “But you’re sleeping on the sofa.”
“She can have my bed.”
“Then you’re sleeping on the sofa.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little late for that?”
“Those are the rules, champ. And you had better prepare yourself for fireworks in the morning.”
Dean didn’t argue with Bunny. He was glad he and Claire could be together, or at least in the same place. He sat with her for a while and left her reading. Her suitcase was full of books, some of her favorites—Shakespeare, Dickens, Brontë, Austen, Alcott and many more.
Tossing and turning, he couldn’t get comfortable. It wasn’t the lumpy sofa, though. Facing the Thorntons weighed heavily on his mind.
Early the next morning the pounding on the door woke them. “Police, open up.”
Bunny came out of her room, her hair sticking out in all directions. “What the hell?”
Claire hurried out, still in her clothes. She hadn’t undressed and neither had Dean. The beat of his heart sounded like a cymbal in his ears. He reached for her hand and she trembled.
Bunny opened the door.
“Good morning, ma’am,” a police officer said. “I’m looking for Claire Thornton. Is she here?”
“Yes. I’m here,” Claire answered.
Bunny stepped aside. The officer, followed by the Thorntons, entered the house.
“Let’s go, Claire,” Robert said.
Claire shook her head. “No. I’m not going with you.”
“Yes, you are. The officer is here to see that you do.”
“I’m eighteen and I can make my own decisions.”
“Young lady,” the policeman said. “Just get your things and let’s go.”
“I can’t. They want me to have an abortion and I can’t do that.”
The officer looked at Robert.
“Do your damn job,” he snapped.
“I can’t force her. She’s eighteen.”
“I know the police chief.”
“Well, then, you better call him. I was under the impression the young lady was here against her will.”
“She is,” Gwen said. “She doesn’t know what she’s doing.”
“She seems fine to me.”
“Claire, come home. Please,” her mother pleaded. “If you insist on having the baby, we’ll send you up north. It can be adopted by a nice couple.”
Claire’s nails dug into Dean’s palm. “I’m keeping my baby.”
“I’m getting tired of this defiance, Claire,” Robert said, his face turning beet-red. “If you insist on this insanity, I wash my hands of you. Do you want your mother and me completely out of your life?”
Claire swallowed. “I know I’ve disappointed you. I’m sorry, but I can’t change the way I feel. I’m having the baby.”
“That’s it,” Robert said in anger. “If you’re choosing him—” he flung a hand toward Dean “—over us, then you’re on your own. Don’t call us for money or anything. You’re no daughter of mine.”
“Robert.” Gwen grabbed his arm. “No.”
“I said that’s it. Let’s go.”
Gwen followed her husband and the officer out of the room. Claire whimpered deep in her throat. Dean held her tight as heartbroken sobs convulsed through her body. The sound tore at his gut like jagged glass. At that moment he grew up. He was eighteen years old and he was too young for fatherhood. He was too young for this kind of heartache. But he would shoulder it like a man.
DEAN DRAGGED HIS HANDS over his face. How he wished life had been easy after Claire had made that sacrifice, but it hadn’t. She’d worked two jobs, as a clerk at a department store and at night for a fast-food place. He put in countless hours at a record store. They lived with Bunny until practice started for college football. He and Claire moved into college housing and finally had their own place.
Claire carried most of the financial load, since he couldn’t play ball, work and go to school. There were times she didn’t feel well and she still went to work. He felt like the biggest louse that had ever been born. One day, he would make her life better, but there’d been so many obstacles in the way then….
Dean walked into the kitchen. Claire, where are you? He reread the note. She needed to get away. Why? Where did she go when she wanted peace and quiet?
The lake house.
He grabbed his car keys.
CLAIRE SAT CROSS-LEGGED, the letters in her lap. She opened another.
My darling Dean,
I’m so afraid I’m going to have the baby while you’re away on a road trip. I don’t know if I can do this by myself, but I’ll never tell you that. If the time comes and you’re not here, I’ll just close my eyes and picture your loving face, like I always do. I love you, and our baby is going to be perfect—just like you.
She closed her eyes and let herself relive a moment of that fear.
September 24, 1983
“YOU HAVEN’T TOLD DEAN, have you?” Bunny asked, stopping by the dorm to check on her. She always did that when Dean was away. Bunny, with her in-your-face attitude, was a hard person to get to know, but Claire had come to love her dearly.
Claire ran her hand over her protruding stomach. “No. I haven’t told Dean I’m having contractions.”
“He needs to be here.”
“He has a scholarship to play football and he can’t miss a game.”
“He’s also going to have a baby.”
Claire heaved a sigh. “I have to go to work.”
“What? You’re having contractions. What are you thinking?”
Claire kissed her cheek. “I’m thinking you worry too much.”
Bunny caught her arm. “Be reasonable…”
Claire held up a hand to stop her. “If the baby starts to come, the manager will call an ambulance.”
“Oh, for crying out loud.” Bunny stomped her foot. “Sometimes you love that son of mine too much!”
Smiling, Claire reached for her purse just as someone knocked at the door. Bunny quickly opened it. Gwen stood there.
“Mom.” Claire hadn’t seen her mother since the police tried to take her home. Robert had forbidden Gwen to contact her. Their plan was that Claire would see the error of her ways and return home. But it hadn’t happened.
“May I speak with you, please?” her mom asked.
Claire looked past her and didn’t see her father. That meant he didn’t know Gwen had come. Tears stung the back of Claire’s eyes. “I’m on my way to work,” she said abruptly.
Gwen paled. “In your condition?”
“Yes. We need the money.” She held up her head and forced the tears away.
Her mom reached into her purse and pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills. “Take this. I’ll bring more every week.”
Claire backed away. “Sorry. I can’t take your money. Dean and I are doing just fine.”
“Oh, yeah.” Gwen flung out a hand, the diamonds on her fingers sparkling. “He’s off having the time of his life while you’re here pregnant and working.”
“Please leave.”
“Claire, it’s not too late. You can give up the child for adoption and go on with your life. Remember how we talked about you joining my old sorority and—”
“Do you really think I could carry this child for nine months and just give it away?”
“Claire…”
“Please leave—now.” She was losing her temper and the tight rein she had on her emotions.
Gwen shoved the money at her. “Take it.”
“No thanks. Dean and I are doing fine.”
Her mother glanced around the small apartment. “I would hardly call this fine.”
Bunny stepped around Claire. “You’d better leave before I plant my foot in your snobby mouth.”
“How dare you?” Gwen spluttered.
“Mom, just leave,” Claire said, knowing her mother-in-law was getting angry.
Gwen whirled away and left.
As Bunny closed the door, she said, “She’s right, you know. You don’t need to be working.”
“Whose side are you on?” Claire slipped the strap of her purse over her shoulder and winced as a pain shot up her back.
“I don’t think you have to ask that.”
“No.” Bunny was unwavering in her support.
She studied Claire for a moment. “Stay home until the baby comes, and I’ll buy the groceries and pay the bills.”
Claire lifted an eyebrow. “You’ll work two shifts, right?”
“Done it before and I can do it again.”
Claire hugged her. “Thanks. But we’ll manage.”
“You’re so stubborn.”
At the fast-food place, she continued to have contractions. At times they were so bad she couldn’t concentrate. Her eyes were glued to the clock. The team was due to land at the airport at eleven. She couldn’t have the baby until Dean arrived.
At ten forty-five she collapsed into a ball of pain, and the manager called an ambulance.
The next thing she knew they were at the hospital. “Mrs. Rennels, are you ready to have this baby?” the doctor asked.
“No.” She hissed between contractions. “No. My husband’s not here.”
“I don’t think the baby’s going to wait.”
Bunny came running in. The manager had phoned her. “How are you, sugar?”
“Dean. I need Dean.” The words came out as a pathetic cry, but Claire couldn’t help it.
“I just spoke to him. He’s on his way from the airport.”
“Okay.” She could breathe normally now. Dean was coming.
A pain ripped through her abdomen, and it took all the strength she had not to push or scream or cry.
“Mrs. Rennels, it’s time to push,” the doctor said.
“I can’t. My husband’s not here. Please…” A wail erupted from her throat.
“Mrs. Rennels…”
Loud voices could be heard in the hall and then Dean came charging in. “Claire.” He kissed her face over and over. “Thank God I made it. I was so afraid…”
Claire let out a long breath. “Me, too.” She drew on her last ounce of strength. “Okay. I’m ready to have our baby.”
Fifteen minutes later, Dean placed their baby daughter into her arms. A feeling of pride and love suffused her. But a part of her grieved that her parents weren’t here to share this miracle. This precious gift.
“She’s so tiny,” she whispered weakly.
“And perfect,” Dean said with pride. “Ten toes. Ten fingers. And the most precious little face. She looks just like you. Absolutely beautiful.”
“You think so?”
“You bet. What are we going to name her?”
Claire studied the precious bundle in her arms. “How about Sarah Margaret? After Bunny. What do you think?”
“Oh, honey. Mom will be so excited. It’s perfect.”
“Yes…”
Fatigue overwhelmed Claire and her eyes drooped, but in that instant, with her baby in her arms and Dean smiling at her, she knew she’d made the right choice.
CHAPTER THREE
AS DEAN DROVE TOWARD Lake Travis, the bright Texas sun dimmed to twilight gray. Darkness would soon blanket the hills and Claire still hadn’t called. If she couldn’t get him at home, she’d try his cell. But so far nothing. He knew something was really wrong.
For once everything was right in their world. Both their daughters were on their own. Their youngest, Sami, already had a job at a school in the nearby town of Round Rock. Both girls had received the education Claire and Dean had wanted for them. And now Claire had the time he’d always wanted for her—time for herself—to earn that college degree.
Ten days and her dream would start becoming a reality. His own college days had been one big guilt trip. He’d been away at games, traveling, while Claire was at home working and taking care of a new baby.
It wasn’t long after Sarah was born that they noticed the wheezing. She was also phlegmy, with a constant cold and cough. At times she didn’t want to nurse. Claire was continually in the doctor’s office with her. The pediatrician kept her on antibiotics, and they worried about their baby taking so much medication.
Then the ear infections started, and Sarah was hospitalized twice for pneumonia. Claire got very little sleep because the baby needed lots of attention. That made her load heavier, but she’d never complained. Several nights Dean found her in the rocker, crying and holding Sarah. Claire was worried something was really wrong with their child and the doctors couldn’t find it. Dean was worried, too. He would sit and hold both of them until the morning light. That was all he could do, and at times he felt so helpless.
The first few months, Claire couldn’t work, and lost her jobs. His mother helped, and Dean tried to take care of Sarah at night. But Claire always seemed to be awake.
At times it was a struggle for Sarah to breathe. Claire did tons of research and insisted on a diagnosis. The doctor suspected she had asthma, but said Sarah was too little for him to know for sure. He said her airways were inflamed, and would heal with antibiotics and time.
That wasn’t good enough for Claire and Dean, and they immediately switched doctors. Sarah was put on a nebulizer machine for albuterol treatments. It plugged into the wall and had tubing and a mask that went over her nose and mouth. The medication went into the machine and Sarah breathed it in. They saw results almost immediately.
The new doctor agreed that Sarah had asthma, and said that some children grow out of it. But at least their baby was getting better. Dean and Claire were so relieved.
It was a hard time, however. Sarah also had allergies, and Claire washed her bedding every day to get rid of dust mites. They covered the mattress and pillows with allergy covers and gave away all her stuffed toys. Bunny bought a humidifier because they couldn’t afford to.
Once they adjusted to Sarah and her needs, life settled down. Claire started tutoring students so she could stay at home. The pay was very good and it worked out well.
Dean had heard it said that you can’t live on love, but during those first few years they had very little else.
CLAIRE STARED AT THE phone, wanting to call Dean. She needed to hear his voice, but she wasn’t ready to tell him yet. She had to continue to examine her life alone—to measure the sacrifices she’d made. Were they sacrifices or was that what love was?
She opened a letter—one she’d written while waiting for Dean to come home from a football game, a time she’d questioned that sacrifice.
Dean,
Sarah had one of those days. Nothing seems to help her breathing and she’s fussy. I feel so helpless…
The page blurred.
November 12, 1983
SARAH WAS SIX WEEKS OLD and Claire had been up with her most of the night. She was exhausted, her nerves frayed. She curled up in a rocker, trying to get Sarah to nurse, but the baby kept spitting out the nipple. Claire worried she wasn’t getting enough milk.
Texas was playing football and Claire flipped on the TV to watch her husband. Bunny came by to catch the game with her, and made popcorn. Claire was glad to have her company.
Just as Sarah went to sleep, Bunny yelled at the TV and the baby woke up.
“Sugar, I’m sorry. I get all excited when I see my boy getting bruised.”
“It’s okay.” Claire stood. “I’ll put her in her bed and maybe she’ll sleep for a while.”
“Why don’t you lie down, too, sugar?” Bunny suggested.
“Are you kidding? I want to watch Dean so I’ll know what he’s talking about when he tells me about the game.”
Sarah went to sleep quickly, and Claire hurried back to the living room. The game was tied, with less than ten seconds to play. The two women sat on the edge of their seats, biting their nails. Texas had the ball. The quarterback threw a long pass, and Claire and Bunny jumped to their feet, holding their breath as the pigskin sailed through the air. Dean leaped high in the end zone and dragged it in with the tips of his fingers. The fans went crazy and Claire and Bunny hugged, careful not to shout too loudly.
With the game over, fans poured onto the field. A reporter held a mike out to Dean and asked him a couple of questions. The noisy crowd prevented Claire from hearing him clearly, but she saw his smile—that lazy grin that turned her knees to pure sweet honey.
His sweaty hair hung across his forehead and he reached up to touch it, a signal to Claire that he was thinking about her. Smiling, she tugged her hair in response. The camera followed Dean as he jogged toward the locker room. A blonde grabbed him and kissed him. The reporter commented he hoped that was Dean’s wife.
But it wasn’t.
Claire sank into her chair, her joy dissipating. For the first time, she realized other women saw Dean as an attractive man, just as she did. The understanding left her in a state of shock. She should be there with him, sharing these moments of victory in his life. Instead she was home, feeling very left out.
Bunny caught the look on her face. “Sugar, don’t pay that any attention. It means nothing to Dean.”
For the first time, Claire wondered about that, too. “I don’t know, Bunny. I’m tired most of the time. Sarah spits up all over me and I smell like spoiled milk. I don’t feel very attractive.”
“Now you just stop thinking like that right now, do you hear me? Dean loves you and that little girl in there.”
“But don’t you think he’s flattered by the attention?”
“He’s a man, sugar. Of course he is, but I know my boy. His one thought now is to get back to you and Sarah.”
Claire wasn’t so sure. Life just seemed to be one jolt after another, and she didn’t know how much longer she could hold it together. Could her parents have been right? Was she too young to even know what true love was all about? No. She would never believe that. Not for one instant.
That night she lay in bed waiting for Dean. The game was out of town, so she knew it would be late when he came home.
She was half-asleep when she heard his key in the lock. A few minutes later, he slipped into bed beside her.
“Hey, beautiful.”
She wiggled in his arms. “I don’t feel beautiful.”
“What?” He turned on the bedside lamp. “What’s wrong?”
Pushing her hair out of her eyes, she sat up. “I saw you kissing that girl.” Claire hated that she couldn’t keep the hurt out of her voice.
He caressed her cheek and she leaned her face into his hand, loving his gentle touch. “I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me, and I have no idea who she was.”
“Still…”
He reached for something on the nightstand. “I wrote this on the plane.”
Unfolding the paper, she read,
My sweet Claire,
Today I realized why I’m hooked on your kisses. They’re sweeter than watermelon wine and hotter than a hooker’s on Saturday night. No other woman can ever top that.
A bubble of laughter left her throat. “We’ve both had Bunny’s watermelon wine, but how do you know what a hooker’s kiss tastes like?”
He grinned. “Purely a guess.”
“Now I know why you made such awful grades in English.”
He gently laid her down. “There’s only one woman I want to kiss.” His lips trailed a line of fire from her neck to her jaw. When his mouth covered hers, any remaining doubts vanished. All she felt was happiness.
Looking into her eyes, he said, “I love you. Only you.”
She ran her fingers through his hair. “You better. We have a baby to raise.”
He glanced at the crib. “I see she’s sleeping.”
“Yes, finally.”
“Tomorrow I’ll watch her and you can rest.” He rolled onto Claire. “But now we need some fun time.”
As he turned out the light she giggled like a schoolgirl. He wanted her. That’s what she needed to hear—to know. It was important to her as a woman.
But her faith in their love was tested once more.
When Sarah was six months old, Claire discovered she was pregnant again. She was on the pill, but something had gone wrong. Being up with Sarah so much, she was exhausted most of the time, and obviously had forgotten to take it. She cursed herself. She cursed Dean.
“God, this can’t be happening again,” he said when she told him.
“Well, it is. I can’t do this. I can’t handle two babies by myself. You’re gone all the time and I’m stuck here.”
She couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. She’d never dreamed she felt that way. But she did.
“I help, too.”
“Your mother helps. Most nights you’re out having fun.” Emotions too long bottled up came spilling out.
“Claire, that’s not fair.”
“No, it isn’t,” she screamed. “I’m the one making all the sacrifices. I’m the one…” Anger consumed her and she tore out of the apartment.
“Claire,” Dean called, but she kept running.
She stopped in a small park on campus to catch her breath. Her head pounded with doubts, insecurities and with the reality of growing up. As an adult, wasn’t she supposed to be wiser? And wasn’t she supposed to have learned from her mistakes?
Sinking onto the grass, she wrapped her arms around her legs and watched as couples strolled hand in hand, oblivious to everything but each other. She and Dean had been like that, so much in love. Life and responsibilities were suddenly too much.
