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A Year of New Adventures
Maddie Please


Avon an imprint of

HarperCollinsPublishers

The News Building

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published in Great Britain in ebook format by HarperCollinsPublishers 2018

Copyright © Maddie Please 2017

Cover design © Head Design 2017

Cover image © Shutterstock.com

Maddie Please asserts the moral right to

be identified as the author of this work

A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Ebook Edition © February 2018 ISBN: 9780008253448

Version: 2019-02-26

For Jane

Best friend, writer, and matchmaker.

Table of Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Keep Reading …

About the Publisher

Chapter One

It was the third writers’ retreat Helena and I had run and the previous two had gone like clockwork. There was no reason why this one shouldn’t have been just the same.

And then Oliver Forest turned up.

It was a dark, wet day in February and, believe me, his mood made it seem even bleaker.

*

It didn’t take long for things to go wrong.

It was ten-fifteen and people had been asked to turn up after eleven, so Helena and I were sitting with our feet up in the gorgeous kitchen of our rental house eating cookies out of the first batch I’d made; some of them had broken when I’d burned myself and dropped the baking tray.

Although she is my best friend, Helena is nothing like me. For example, she believes any meal taking longer than seven minutes in a nine-hundred-watt microwave is a waste of time. I love cooking and have been known to sleepwalk into the kitchen to make an omelette.

She has an immaculate and much-loved pale-blue Morris Minor called William, whereas I have a beaten-up old Land Rover, which isn’t called anything except rude names when it refuses to start. Actually, I’m petrified it needs a new cam belt, something that was mentioned in hushed tones last September when it had an MOT. I hope it wasn’t listening. I didn’t dare ask what a cam belt was, but it sounds expensive doesn’t it?

Even though it might be on its last legs, my car had more space than hers for all our provisions. I had removed the Tesco bag full of muddy shoes, a box of books to take to the local telephone kiosk library, and the cracked first-aid kit that now contained only a triangular bandage and a box of corn plasters. Still, if we’d met anyone with a broken arm and bunions on our drive down to the lovely house we’d rented for the retreat, we’d have been ready.

‘So I hope you’re going to tell me you’ve got your money back from Matt?’ Helena asked with an innocent air as I reached for another cookie.

‘Well no, but he promised he would sort it out,’ I said.

This was an ongoing conversation that had started before Christmas when Matt – my now very ex-boyfriend – had gone on our romantic holiday without me.

‘Oh for heaven’s sake, Billie!’ Helena said. ‘When are you going to toughen up with him? He owes you money! He nicked your towels! Why are you letting him get away with it?’

God knows.

But then why did I let him move into my cottage on the understanding he would replace the skirting boards in the kitchen when he obviously had no intention of doing so?

Why after two years did I keep hoping he might stop being so inconsiderate in bed – not to mention untidy, lazy, and thoughtless?

Why had I allowed myself to believe that a crap boyfriend was better than no boyfriend?

‘I’m going to go and see him when I get home, I really am,’ I said, trying to sound resolute.

Helena huffed a little. ‘You won’t because you know he’ll just get round you again. He never was good enough for you. I did tell you …’

Suddenly there was a mighty banging on the front door, followed by some irritated bell pushing. Helena inhaled a chocolate chip and began coughing and spluttering, tears streaming down her face. I thumped her on the back and went to fetch her a glass of water. Meanwhile, the racket at the front door continued.

I decided to give the bell pusher a piece of my mind. We had made it quite clear that door wasn’t used because it opened directly onto the street. It was locked, the key was hidden somewhere, and it was secured with four pretty sturdy bolts. We were in the middle of a gentle little village in Herefordshire and I don’t think it was a hot spot for crime so all this security was perhaps a bit excessive.

‘For God’s sake! I’m trying! Stop pushing the frigging bell!’ I shouted as I located the key on top of the doorframe and wrestled with the bolts. After a few minutes – hot, sweating, and red-faced – I managed to open the door.

‘What?’ I shouted.

Outside was a dark-haired man standing propped against the wall. He had one leg in a big plastic surgical boot and behind him an exceptionally glamorous blonde was wheeling his suitcase towards me. She was making heavy weather of it too given the unequal struggle with her stilettos and the cobbled street.

‘It’s raining. I want to come in,’ he said. ‘Is that too much to ask?’

He limped past me, and stood watching as the blonde lugged his case over the doorstep. What a gent, I thought as I went to help her.

‘Who are you anyway?’ I said as we hefted the bag inside and closed the door.

The blonde gasped, horrified. ‘But this is Mr Forest.’

The man himself ignored me and began giving rapid-fire instructions to the poor woman.

‘So, make those calls, do as I asked with Gideon, tell him I’m not prepared to talk to Patterson and he’d better sort it or I won’t go at all. Tell Jake I’ve got no bloody mobile signal so let’s hope the broadband speed is reasonable.’

He looked at me, one eyebrow raised.

‘Well is it or isn’t it?’

I gulped and started to panic. ‘I did explain in the information we sent out …’

He rolled his eyes in exasperation. ‘Did you? Fascinating. Look, can I talk to William Summers? I understand he is the organizer here.’

This happened all the time; thanks, Mum, for giving me a weird name.

‘I’m Billie Summers,’ I said, ‘and I’m the organizer. Well I’m one of them, you see …’

Organizer? I should have been struck by lightning.

Oliver gave me a look that clearly showed he didn’t believe me and turned back to his hapless assistant.

‘Pippa, put my case in my room. It’s over there behind the kitchen. I checked on the floor plan. And then put my phone on charge. It might be useless but … well.’

He limped after Pippa as she rolled the case across the flagstone floor and into the downstairs bedroom, which already had ‘Elaine’ printed on a picture from Swallows and Amazons that Helena had taped to the door.

‘Um, sorry this isn’t your room,’ I said, scurrying after him.

He pulled Elaine’s name card off the door, looked at it, and then handed it to me.

‘It is now,’ he said and went in, closing the door behind him.

Helena and I stared at each other, gobsmacked.

‘What!’

‘He can’t do that!’ Helena said. ‘It’s Elaine’s room. She asked specially.’

‘Well, I know!’

We went up to the door and listened. We could hear Mr Charm rattling off instructions to Pippa, telling her where to put things. After a moment’s hesitation, I knocked and opened the door. Mr Charm turned to look at me.

‘Er, do you mind?’ he said.

I hesitated; he was a lot bigger than me.

‘This is Elaine’s room,’ I said bravely, ‘not yours. You’re Oliver Forest aren’t you? You’re in the upstairs front room. I told you so in the email.’

Pippa drew in an appalled breath at my insolence. I swallowed hard and waited for the full force of his bad temper to fall on me.

He sighed and pointed to his leg. ‘And how am I to get up the stairs?’ he said.

‘I’m sure you could manage,’ I said. ‘If there was a winning lottery ticket up there on the landing you’d get to it wouldn’t you?’

‘Is there?’

‘Well no, but I was just making a point. If there was …’

‘You’re expecting me to get up and down the stairs with my leg in a boot? Really?’ He fixed me with a hard stare.

It was only the utter unfairness of his attitude that kept me from running off. ‘Well, Elaine has arthritis.’

‘Who is Elaine?’

‘The person who had …’

He waved an impatient hand at me. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t got time for this. Now would you excuse me? And by the way, I don’t want these.’

He limped across the room, put the dish with the bedside chocolates into my palm, and closed the door in my face.

I turned to look at Helena.

‘Bloody hell, what a rude sod!’ I hissed, unwrapping a Belgian truffle and handing the other to Helena.

‘Sssh! He might hear you.’ Helena is always more concerned about other people’s opinions than I am and she pulled me away. ‘What shall we do?’

We stood and thought about it for a moment.

‘I’ve no idea. He’s bigger than us,’ I said. ‘We could wait until he comes out and then move all his stuff?’

‘We can’t do that!’

We looked at the closed door for a few minutes until we realized there was nothing we could do. Not without a couple of beefy companions and a cattle prod.

Suddenly the oven timer beeped and I dashed across the kitchen to rescue the second lot of cookies.

‘What can we do?’ I said, darting a fierce look at the closed door and trying to get the cookies off the baking tray without burning myself again.

‘We must keep cool and think,’ Helena said, stretching her hands out in a calm-down sort of gesture. ‘He’s a paying customer after all. He did pay didn’t he?’

‘Yes he did,’ I muttered and made a different sort of gesture. ‘Unbelievable. I can see this week’s going to be a barrel of laughs. Didn’t you say he was allergic to shellfish? Well let’s hope I don’t accidentally buy a lobster.’

Chapter Two

I once made the mistake of telling my boyfriend how hard it was to write a book and get it published, and Matt sneered and said writing was just drinking coffee and making stuff up. Why would that be difficult? He then added some pithy comments about how many Mint Clubs I had been getting through recently under the guise of plotting. In my defence they were on a BOGOF offer, and of course once they’re in the cupboard …

We broke up soon after that – I put up with a lot from him in our two years together but even I have my limits – still, I think he was partly right. I like Mint Clubs. I’m not ashamed to admit it. OK, I like most things that mix chocolate and biscuits, if I’m honest. Perhaps that’s why my figure is always slightly out of control.

It wasn’t a very merry Christmas last year. We had been about to go to New York as he had finally persuaded me there were holidays to be had outside Europe. I was fizzing with excitement. These sorts of trips were few and far between but Nan had left me a small inheritance that I’d been hanging on to and I’d just been paid for some private pre-Christmas catering, so for once I had some savings.

Unfortunately, I gave the money for my part of the holiday to Matt and I still haven’t got it back. Swine. We had been living together in the tumbledown Cotswold stone cottage my grandmother had been in the middle of renovating when she died. When we split up he left with my holiday to New York, most of my DVDs and all the decent towels.

New Year’s resolution: never do anything spontaneous.

My sister inherited the picture-perfect holiday house in Cornwall. Typical. In her will Nan said Josie ‘needed’ it more than I did. I guess that’s because Josie and Mark have two boys and their school has longer holidays than some members of the British aristocracy, while I had no kids and no prospect of any.

*

I started trying to write when I was doing English A level, and had just read Forever Amber. I quite fancied being a writer of historical fiction. After all, it didn’t need specialist equipment, formal training, or a particular level of physical fitness; the only thing it did require was aptitude.

Unfortunately, I was rubbish at it but for some reason I just couldn’t give up. I’ve been trying for eleven years. An eleven-year apprenticeship for God’s sake! I could have got a PhD. I could have learned how to rewire a house or renovate a canal boat in the same amount of time. Or at least had something to show for it other than a dead laptop and an unhealthy interest in stationery shops. I was always looking for that magic notebook that would make all the difference.

So, there I was at twenty-nine, living in the front bit of Windrush Cottage, Lower Bidford, while I waited for a miracle that would allow me to afford the renovations of the back part. The only increase in my net wealth was locked up in the value of the cottage. I still hadn’t got a proper career path mapped out. I was working part time in my uncle’s bookshop, and doing some occasional catering and cake decorating.

I suppose I still assumed I would one day magically produce a saleable book to make my fortune. Meanwhile, I had joined forces with my genuinely talented best friend Helena to run occasional writing retreats. And that’s what I was trying to do when Oliver Forest turned up at the last minute with his seafood allergy, his aversion to perfectly good chocolates, and his dark blue eyes, hell-bent on wrecking everything.

OK, the dark blue eyes bit shouldn’t matter; I don’t know why I mentioned them.

*

After he had rudely slammed the door in my face, Oliver Forest and Pippa stayed closeted in his bedroom for the next half-hour.

‘Perhaps they’re having sex?’ Helena whispered at one point, when it had all gone a bit quiet and we couldn’t hear him barking out instructions to the poor woman.

She edged closer to his door, crouched down, and angled her ear towards the keyhole. ‘Perhaps they’re doing it really quietly.’

‘I doubt it!’ I said. ‘I don’t think people like him do anything quietly.’

At that moment Pippa opened the door and stuck her head out. She looked down at Helena and seemed rather startled for a moment.

‘Could we have coffee?’ she said. ‘And I’d love one of those cookies.’

‘Of course,’ Helena said sweetly, pretending she had been about to re-tie her shoelaces, which was the wrong thing to do as she had slippers on. She recovered quickly by picking up a bit of fluff on the floor. I saw her checking to see if Pippa was in any way dishevelled. ‘Just come out when you’re ready.’

‘We’ll have it in here,’ Oliver said loudly.

Pippa gave a weak smile. ‘I’ll pop out in a minute for a tray shall I?’

‘Yes, yes of course,’ Helena said.

The door closed and we exchanged a look.

‘This is going to be a very long week,’ I said.

Helena, as is her way, tried to make the best of the situation. ‘Well let’s try and make sure he has nothing to complain about.’

She went and found a tray and wiped it over before she put out two matching mugs, a sugar bowl, a milk jug, and two polished teaspoons. Then we scrabbled around looking for the cafetière and some real coffee. I selected a pretty plate and put out some cookies before Helena found a nice little wicker basket and tipped them into that instead. Then, we took them all out again and this time lined the basket with a paper napkin. At last, after a bit of artful arranging – because there is only so much one can do with six choc-chip cookies – we took the tray up to the closed door and I knocked.

Pippa came to open it and took the tray from Helena. We both peered round her, trying to see what was going on.

‘Everything OK?’ I said cheerily, craning a little.

I could see Oliver Forest sitting in the armchair next to the window with a large notebook on his knee. He was writing, his dark hair tousled as he ran one hand through it. Almost as though he could feel my gaze on him, he looked up. His eyes really were beautiful, and he stared at me for a moment in that funny way writers do when they are deep in a plot and they aren’t actually seeing you.

Bloody hell.

#Rathergorgeous.

He was beyond handsome. How had I not noticed this before? He could have been a prototype for any dark and brooding hero. His long legs, one of them in the plastic boot, were stretched out on a footstool. He looked to be in his late thirties, had a clean jawline, strong straight nose, and rather kissable mouth.

He blinked a couple of times and came back into the real world with the rest of us. ‘What now for heaven’s sake? Is there a problem?’

‘No, no, no, absolutely not,’ I said, covered in confusion.

I backed away and trod on Helena’s foot, making her yelp. She started hopping around – her knee held very high – and I hopped after her, apologizing. We must have looked a right pair of clowns.

Luckily there was a knock on the back door and we scurried off to welcome the first of our other guests.

Happily it was a couple of old friends from our first retreat: Nancy and Vivienne, both retired teachers who had travelled down together from Shropshire.

‘Well the roads were really clear,’ Vivienne said, shedding her soft silk scarf and folding it neatly into her coat pocket. ‘We made excellent time. Have we missed anything?’

‘No, you’re the first to arrive. Apart from our unexpected extra,’ Helena said. She lowered her voice to a theatrical whisper. ‘He’s in his room. His name’s Oliver Forest.’

Nancy frowned. ‘Oliver Forest – that name’s familiar. Has he been before?’

‘No, believe me you would remember him,’ I said with feeling.

‘Did we ever teach a boy called Oliver Forest?’ Vivienne asked Nancy who had spotted the coffee and was already halfway through a cookie.

‘Maybe,’ she said through a mouthful of crumbs. ‘Short boy? Ginger?’

‘No, he’s dark-haired and’– ridiculously good-looking – ‘quite tall,’ I said.

‘Nope, doesn’t ring a bell. Come on, Nancy, let’s go and get settled in. It’s always the exciting bit, finding out what our rooms are like. Are we next door to each other again?’

We took them upstairs and along the corridor that divided the house in half. The floorboards – centuries old and polished by time to a wonderful patina – were warped and uneven. The house was scented with wax polish and wood smoke and bowls of potpourri in odd little nooks. I began to calm down again. Oliver Forest was only one person. There was no reason why he should monopolize the week. It would be OK.

I trundled Vivienne’s suitcase into the front bedroom where a high four-poster bed was waiting, piled high with snowy bed linen and pillows. There was a built-in wardrobe whose doors lurched unevenly to one side, wedged shut with a scrap of cardboard, a huge tapestry armchair in one corner, and a rickety Indian carved table.

‘The bathroom is down there, between your room and Elaine’s.’

‘I thought Elaine was going to have the downstairs room,’ Nancy said. ‘I remember because it’s got an en suite, and I wanted it.’

‘She did, but Oliver Forest has a leg in a boot and he commandeered it before I could stop him. I don’t know how I’m going to tell Elaine,’ I said.

Nancy went into her room – a large single with an exceptionally ugly turquoise sink in one corner.

‘Goodness, this is a ghastly thing,’ Vivienne said, evidently pleased that she had the better room. ‘How did they get away with putting this in? I thought this house was listed?’

‘Ah but just think! This could be the very sink where Charles I brushed his teeth before the Battle of Bosworth,’ Nancy said.

Vivienne snorted. ‘Oh for heaven’s sake. So what time is lunch? One o’clock? Good, there’s time to get freshened up and have a power nap.’

Nancy went into her room and closed the door and I went downstairs to help Helena with lunch. I was going to make soup and she had arranged a fresh fruit platter. There’s no point loading people up with large meals in the middle of the day; they only go to sleep and miss out on good writing time in the afternoon.

Suddenly the door to Oliver Forest’s room opened and Pippa came out, struggling into her coat. She looked like a condemned prisoner seeing the cell door left unexpectedly open.

‘Are you off then?’ I said.

Pippa closed Oliver’s door quietly behind her and came towards me, her eyes slightly wild.

‘Yes, I’m … absolutely … I’ll avoid the traffic if I go now … Paris … I might …’

She had already missed the armhole of one sleeve three times and I went to help her.

‘Are you sure you’re OK? Would you like a drink of water or something?’

‘Yes fine. No. Really. Absolutely.’

She had an outstandingly pretty face, but it was clouded with unease. I could almost feel the stress coming off her in waves.

‘I wonder if you could take Mr Forest in some more coffee in a minute? Black, no sugar. And don’t bother with those silly little mugs – I think he’d prefer a bucket if anything. He has lunch between one-thirty and two p.m. But no shellfish and definitely no cheese – it makes him sleepy and grouchy.’

‘No cheese; thank you for the warning. I don’t think we’d want to risk making him grouchy would we?’ I said. ‘But surely he’d want to come out and meet everyone?’

Pippa shot me the smallest smile. ‘Good luck with that then.’

I trailed after her as she edged towards the back door. I was curious to find out more before she disappeared in a flurry of angst.

‘Back to London are you? I expect you’ll enjoy a few days off,’ I said.

‘Yes, I mean no … I have plenty to keep me occupied. Paris – I should – Oliver’s work, difficult, you know how it is.’ She stopped to blow her nose on a tissue and take a deep breath. I swear she was about to burst into tears. ‘And, of course, the blasted launch has been postponed. It’s far from ideal … but then needs must. Anyway, I’ll be along on Friday to collect Mr Forest.’

‘We have to be out by ten-thirty, remember? Don’t be late! We don’t want to have to leave him on the doorstep!’

‘Yes of course. God Almighty! No, please don’t! He’d go mad!’ Pippa said, wide-eyed at the prospect.

‘I was joking,’ I said.

‘Oh. Were you? OK. Well you’ve got my mobile number. Right, I’ll be off.’

Pippa shot out of the door and round the corner of the house. I closed the door after her and went back to my vegetables, wondering what it would be like to work for someone who was so terrifying.

Five minutes later Oliver’s door opened and the man himself stood there. ‘I thought you were bringing me coffee?’ he said.

Ah! I had of course forgotten. I gave a nervous little laugh.

‘Yes, just coming. Awfully sorry, you see I was a bit busy with …’

‘In your own time,’ he said and closed the door again.

I pulled a face at where he had been and went to flick the kettle on. Black, no sugar, and in a bucket. Right, I could do that.

There was a knock on the back door and a worried little face at the glass peering in. She gave a big smile when she saw me.

‘You must be Elaine!’ I went to open the door and helped her in with her suitcase that was almost as big as she was. ‘How lovely to meet you at last. Come on in and make yourself at home. We’re very glad to welcome you. Helena is upstairs with our other guests Nancy and Vivienne, although I think Vivienne was going to have a nap.’

Elaine took off her fingerless mittens and unwound her woolly scarf.

‘What a lovely house – lots of character in these old half-timbered places. You can almost feel the history can’t you? If these walls could talk eh? I bet there would be a few tales. Do you know, I was saying to Frank the other day …’

Oliver’s door opened again at this point and Oliver stood there, his face dark and irritated.

‘Ah,’ I said.

‘Coffee?’ he said. ‘Today?’

‘Of course, sorry I was just getting Elaine settled. This is Elaine by the way. She’s …’

Oliver closed his bedroom door again with a noticeable slam.

‘… the one whose bedroom you nicked,’ I finished.

‘He’s in my room?’ Elaine said, and turned her worried round face to look at me.

‘I’m sorry; it seems he’s injured his ankle. He’s in one of those boot things. He just went in there before I could stop him. I would have got him out but he’s not very friendly.’

‘No,’ Elaine said looking at the closed door thoughtfully. ‘He’s not very polite either is he?’

I stood up and went to make a cafetière of coffee and poured out a cup for Elaine. She was busy looking through her handbag and pulling out paperwork, charging cables, spectacles, and all sorts of odds and ends.

I found one of those awful oversized mugs decorated with a slogan for chocolate that usually come with Easter eggs and are really only useful for storing pencils. I put it on the tray with the cafetière and went and knocked on Oliver’s door.

‘Come.’

I went in. He was still sitting with his feet up on the footstool, writing in his notebook. He didn’t look up as I came in.

‘Leave it on the table,’ he said.

‘Please,’ I muttered.

He seemed not to hear.

‘Anything else I can get you?’ I said.

‘I want lunch at one-thirty,’ he said.

Oh do you?

‘Yes, Pippa said you did. Well we generally have it ready from one, as we explained in the joining notes. But just come out when you’re ready and help yourself. Everything will be out on the table. I’m making vegetable soup …’

‘I’d prefer it in here,’ he said.

Oh would you? Would you indeed?

Well I’d prefer to be a stone lighter and six inches taller.

I’d prefer to drive an Aston Martin.

I’d prefer to have swishy, glossy hair instead of this unmanageable brown mop.

I plastered a smile on my face and moved the table closer to his chair so he could reach it. I’d made him an eight-cup cafetière in a rather sarcastic way; if he got through that lot before lunch he’d be crashing off the ceiling.

‘Fine, of course. Whatever you want. It would be nice to meet the others though wouldn’t it?’

He looked up, his expression stony. ‘What others? I didn’t know there would be any others. Is that what all that noise is?’

‘Oh, but I told you …’

‘Pippa assured me I would have the house to myself. I made it perfectly clear what I wanted. I assumed she had listened. I assumed you had.’

Assume? Hmm.

I started to edge away from him and towards the safety of the kitchen. ‘Pippa must have misunderstood. I could give you a hand to get to the table if you need one?’ I said.

He looked up and fixed me with a dark blue stare. The sort my school sports teacher used to give me when I said I had forgotten my gym kit for the fourth time.

‘I don’t need a hand,’ he said, ‘just lunch. At one-thirty. Is your name really Billie? What’s that short for then? Wilhelmina?’ He gave a snort of amusement.

‘No, actually it’s short for Billericay,’ I said sadly. ‘It’s been a complete nightmare all my life.’ I bit my lip and looked away.

He had the grace to look embarrassed. ‘Really? I’m so sorry, I mean I didn’t mean …’

I took pity on him. ‘I’m kidding. It’s short for Sybilla, which is just as bad really isn’t it?’

He didn’t answer.

I went back to the kitchen and when I had closed the door I’m afraid I stuck my tongue out at him.

Elaine was still rifling through her capacious handbag and pulled out some printed emails with a little harrumph of satisfaction.

‘Look, I did ask for the ground-floor room. I thought I had. Is there another one perhaps?’

‘No, I’m afraid not, Elaine. I am sorry. I feel terrible. Obviously, I will put you into a really nice room as near the stairs as possible and refund the price difference you’ve paid. Sorry.’

Elaine smiled and cocked her head towards Oliver’s bedroom door. ‘It’s fine, dear; I can see how you’re fixed. I’ll just have to manage. Don’t you worry. I expect it will do me good; I’m getting very lazy these days.’

‘Well thank you for being so understanding, Elaine.’

I took her case up to the room. It was at the top of the staircase, a pretty room above the kitchen with a delightful leaded dormer window overlooking the garden. The single bed was high and stately with a deliciously plump duvet and pillows. I was suddenly tired and I could have crawled in for a power nap myself given half a chance.

Elaine was delighted. I introduced her to Nancy and Vivienne and I left them to settle in while I went back downstairs to finish off blending the soup and unwrapping the cheese. I took a glorious wedge of Stilton and waved it at Oliver’s room in a gesture of defiance – and of course at that precise moment he opened his door and caught me in the act. Oh FFS.

He stood and raised his eyebrows at me and I froze, the cheese in front of me like an axe head.

I started to wave it around. ‘Just airing it,’ I said, ‘like you do.’

‘I’ve not seen that done before,’ he said, narrowing his eyes.

‘Really?’ I put it behind my back. ‘Can I get you anything?’

‘No, I was just wondering what the Wi-Fi code was?’

‘It’s all on the welcome sheet,’ I said, briskly efficient. ‘One was left on your bedside table.’

‘Was it? I hadn’t noticed.’ He looked around vaguely.

You mean you didn’t try looking. Give me strength, why do I bother?

I went to fetch it. ‘Here we are. The Wi-Fi code is there under the section headed Wi-Fi code. See?’

His mouth twisted a little. ‘So it is.’ He went to close the door and then hesitated. ‘Thank you.’

Good grief!

Helena came downstairs.

‘Everything OK?’

‘Perfect,’ I said, arranging the cheese on a slate platter with some grapes and celery sticks.

Helena started wiping down the worktops. ‘Nancy says she’s got into such a muddle with her WIP, she’s almost tempted to start again. How’s the soup coming along?’

‘It will need seasoning I expect. I haven’t been able to concentrate on it. There’s still no sign of Nick Fitzgerald. I hope he won’t be long. It’s twelve-thirty.’

Helena started opening the cupboards looking for side plates while I ran two French sticks under the cold tap before putting them into the oven to crisp up. There was a fresh block of butter in the dish; we were just about ready. I went rummaging through all the cupboards and drawers to find glasses and cutlery so I could set the table. It’s always difficult the first few hours in a strange house because no one knows where anything is and it’s a steep learning curve.

Suddenly Oliver’s door opened again. By the expression on his face he was not happy. ‘Do you have to make such a bloody racket?’ he said. ‘Shouting at each other! Opening and closing doors! Crashing around. I’m trying to work and it sounds like there’s an elephant on the loose out here.’

Flaming cheek! I know I might have put on a couple of pounds recently but there had been an offer on Wagon Wheels and I’d forgotten how much I liked them.

‘So sorry,’ I said, ‘but of course that’s the disadvantage of a ground-floor room. You could always go into the big sitting room. It’s right at the front of the house, very quiet and there’s a lovely wood burner in there. Very cosy.’

The oven timer beeped and I went to get the bread out of the oven.

‘I don’t want to be cosy; I just want some peace and bloody quiet,’ he said.

There was a knock on the back door and Oliver rolled his eyes in exasperation before disappearing back into his room.

Helena went to open it. It was a young man, rather attractive in a tousled, geeky, sports jacket sort of way.

‘Hello,’ Helena said, rather breathlessly, ‘you must be Nick Fitzgerald?’

He stepped into the room, bringing a swirl of rain with him. ‘I am.’ He shook her hand.

It was obvious he liked what he saw. A lot. I swear you could feel the electricity between them crackling across the room.

‘Filthy day it’s turned into. And it started out so well. Still, it’s looking up now I’ve got here.’

He gave Helena a wide grin and shrugged off his coat. Helena fussed and twittered around him and after a few introductions took him away to show him his room. She came back a few minutes later still rather dazed and silly. Most unlike her usual Miss Sensible demeanour.

Great, just what we didn’t need: Helena flirting with a guest. She’d never done anything like that before, although thinking about it we didn’t get many men as guests. And we’d never had someone with an unruly mop of tawny curls, smiling brown eyes, and the hint of a rather muscular frame under his tweed exterior.

There was soup to be served and bread to be sliced up and arranged attractively in the wicker baskets we had found. I fixed her with a steely look and willed her to calm down.

Chapter Three

At one o’clock on the dot everyone appeared in the kitchen. Well everyone except Oliver Forest of course, whose bedroom door remained closed. I swear I could sense the chill of his disapproval seeping underneath it.

Nancy and Vivienne fussed for a few minutes about where to sit while Helena went to fetch a glass jug of iced water and a pile of paper napkins. Nick Fitzgerald came downstairs and sat at a non-contentious place halfway along the table, trying to watch Helena without appearing too obvious.

He half stood up as she came across the room towards him, his long legs still under the table so he was trapped in an odd crouch.

‘Can I help?’

‘No not at all, we’re all under control here,’ Helena said with a bright laugh. I swear if she’d had a spare hand she would have twirled her auburn hair.

‘I’d better go and check on Elaine. She’s not very good with stairs,’ I added a shade louder.

As I reached the hallway I saw Elaine was well on her way down.

‘Lovely house,’ she said. ‘Very inspiring. I’d like to work in the little space under the staircase. But only if no one else wants it? Comfy-looking chair, very pretty lamp.’

‘Consider it yours,’ I said. ‘Now come and have some lunch and meet the others.’

‘Even Mr Forest?’ she said with a wicked twinkle.

‘Well who knows,’ I said.

Elaine went to sit next to Nick, who gallantly stood to pull her chair out for her.

‘Perhaps we could start by introducing ourselves?’ I said. ‘Just to fill in the gaps? I’m Billie Summers. I love to cook and I work part time in my Uncle Peter’s bookshop. I’ve been trying to write a book for most of my adult life. This could be the week when I suddenly gain the necessary inspiration! Helena?’

Helena coloured prettily and sat up a bit straighter in her chair.

‘Helena Fairchild. I write children’s and YA. I’m a librarian. I sold a short story once, about a million years ago. It was about Bonfire Night. I’m not exactly setting the literary world alight just yet but I’m going to keep on trying. Nancy?’

Nancy was cutting a slice of cheddar and she paused, her knife halfway through the block.

‘Nancy Gregory, retired RE teacher. I write murder mysteries. The latest one has taken three years and I haven’t the faintest idea what I’m doing with it. I get so muddled I am quite capable of making the detective in charge of the case commit the murder.’ She looked thoughtful. ‘Perhaps that’s not such a bad idea!’

Vivienne sniffed; her aquiline nose a beak of disapproval.

‘I’m Vivienne Noble. I’m a retired chemistry teacher. I’ve self-published a couple of novels on Amazon to mixed reviews. I write contemporary erotica. Nothing too outré, just a bit of S&M, some bondage, and some role-play.’

‘Really?’ Nick said.

Vivienne loved it when this sort of surprise was voiced and was inclined to play up to the audience and show off.

‘Well I may not have been married but it doesn’t mean I haven’t lived. And I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of what does and doesn’t work.’

The table fell silent at this point until Helena cleared her throat and we all jumped.

‘Nick?’ she said. ‘Your turn I think?’

I kicked Helena under the table. She sent me a cross-eyed look in return.

Nick fidgeted a little and pulled his chunk of bread in half.

‘Blimey, I don’t quite know how to follow that. OK, I’m Nick Fitzgerald. I’m a contractor specializing in IT. I’m trying to write thrillers with a sort of international edge. Dan Brown, Ross Black, John Grisham – that sort of thing. I’ve had some technical papers published on subjects too dreary to go into, but as yet I don’t have an agent or any sign of one.’

He seemed to run out of steam at this point and he looked down and started buttering his bread.

We all turned to Elaine.

‘I’m Elaine Weston. I’m a partly retired doctor and I write paranormal romance. Not very successfully I’m afraid. There doesn’t seem to be the market for it these days. Unless there is, and I just don’t write it very well. I had an agent but unfortunately she retired. I’d love another one, but well, we’ll see.’ She hunched her shoulders and gave a little excited smile. ‘I can’t wait to get going! Lovely soup by the way. What’s happened to Mr Forest? Isn’t he joining us?’

Oh God, I’d almost forgotten about him. Should I make up a tray of stuff for his lunch?

‘He always eats at one-thirty apparently,’ I said.

‘Well he’d better hurry up or we’ll have eaten everything,’ Nancy said tartly, taking another piece of bread. ‘That’ll teach him.’

I looked wildly around gauging how much food was left and what I would do if he came out to find nothing left but a few crumbs and some Stilton.

We all looked towards the closed bedroom door and waited for a second in case Oliver was about to come crashing out, snarling and looking for food. Nothing happened so we all took some more cheese and grapes and carried on chatting.

‘Well have a good look around the house. There’s an interesting book about its history on the desk in the hall. Find yourselves a nice spot to settle down and write this afternoon,’ I said. ‘There are plenty of armchairs in the sitting room, and a dining room if anyone prefers a table. I’ll be making cake for tea and sorting out this evening’s meal if anyone needs anything.’

‘And I’ll be going out to the local shop later if there’s anything you need picking up,’ Helena said. ‘There’s a newsagent, a grocer, and a couple of other gift shop sort of places. The church is fourteenth century with a fifteenth-century rood screen if that type of thing interests you. The tower is open on Wednesdays. I checked.’

I took a sneaky look at my watch; it was one-twenty-eight. Was Oliver going to be so precise? If so, he was verging on the obsessive-compulsive spectrum in my opinion.

His bedroom door opened and Oliver stood there, still looking rather rumpled, almost as though he’d been sleeping. Surely not?

‘Ah, this must be Mr Forest,’ Nancy said. ‘Pleasure to meet you. Do join us.’

Oliver favoured the group with a bad-tempered stare and it was obvious he hadn’t had any intention of sitting down, but then Nick stood up and pulled out a chair for him, shaking his hand and introducing himself. Oliver was rather blindsided into it.

‘I was just going to have something in my room,’ he said.

‘Oh that would be a pity,’ Vivienne said, patting the chair next to her. ‘We’re all writers. We spend more than enough time on our own. Come and sit down. Tell us all about yourself.’

Oliver darted a rather accusing look at me; like it was my fault he had no social graces. I don’t think so.

‘Well if I’m not interrupting anything …’ He came and sat down, handing his stick rather arrogantly to Nick who hung it up on the back of the kitchen door.

‘How did you hurt your leg?’ Nancy asked.

‘Bike accident,’ Oliver replied tersely. ‘There’s supposed to be soup? I presume all the crashing about and door slamming resulted in something?’

‘Oooh yes, sorry.’

I darted off to the stove where, thank heavens, the remains of the vegetable soup were still steaming. The others, still not properly aware of his prickly nature, were polite and engaging – asking him how far he had come to get here, was it his first time with us, what sort of thing was he trying to write?

Oliver replied with resolutely monosyllabic answers until I brought him back a bowlful of soup and some more hunks of French bread.

‘You didn’t go to school in Godalming did you?’ Nancy asked. ‘Your name is familiar. Vivienne and I were teachers there.’

‘No.’

‘And you didn’t go to Oxford?’

‘Born in America, educated in Scotland.’

‘I was going to New York just before Christmas,’ I said. ‘Tickets bought and everything. I even had an ESTA and then … well I didn’t.’

I tailed off into stuttering silence. I hadn’t gone to New York because of course Matt had dumped me and taken someone else – but that might be a share too far.

Oliver shot me another look and this one was far from friendly although what I had done to annoy him this time I wasn’t sure.

‘Anyway, Oliver, tell us what you write,’ Vivienne said.

Oliver didn’t look at her, but concentrated on his soup. ‘Thrillers.’

Nancy didn’t think much of this answer. ‘And?’

‘Political, and sometimes aspects of espionage.’

‘Sounds good,’ Nick said. ‘Are you published?’

‘I have a paperback out fairly soon.’

Everyone sat up a bit straighter, me included. Of course! Pippa had mentioned a launch. A book launch! This was exciting stuff; it was what we all aimed for.

‘And what are you doing at the moment? I mean why are you here?’ Nancy said. She was persistent – you had to say that for her.

‘Working on the next one.’

‘And how’s it going?’

‘OK.’

There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment while we all thought what to say next.

‘None of the demon writer’s block then?’ Elaine said. ‘You don’t find yourself sitting there not knowing what on earth to write?’

‘No,’ he said with a little snort of laughter as though the very idea was too ridiculous.

‘Oh I do. It’s awful when you sit there in front of a blank screen and your mind is equally empty isn’t it?’

The others made general noises of agreement and sympathy.

Helena took up the thread. It was a useful topic of conversation to get things moving. ‘I mean it happens, doesn’t it? I wonder how we all cope with it?’ she said.

We looked around the table for suggestions and unexpectedly, Oliver got in first. ‘There’s no such thing as writer’s block.’

‘Really, do you think so?’ Elaine said.

‘Have you ever heard a girl in a supermarket complaining she had checkout block? I used to be a teacher and we all know what a thankless job that can be but ever heard of a teacher with teacher’s block? Basically, it’s a fancy name for laziness and lack of discipline. People moaning about their pathetic word count when they’ve spent most of the morning on social media looking at pictures of kittens or playing games.’

Well that told us. I mean I’ve looked at pictures of kittens – of course I have. And everyone likes Candy Crush don’t they?

Oliver finished his soup, the spoon scraping on the bottom of the bowl. He looked up at the unexpected silence. ‘I seem to have spoiled your flow,’ he said.

I felt it was up to me to get things going again. ‘OK, what does everyone do if you find your story has stalled into a soggy mess in the middle?’

Nancy chipped in. ‘My book is such a muddle and I know it’s because I work in fits and starts. I might leave it for a couple of weeks because I’m doing some tutoring or I’m on holiday. Then I can hardly remember who is the main character, let alone who are the suspects or who actually did it.’

Oliver looked at his watch, a chunky, expensive-looking thing on his tanned wrist. I think he was keen to get away. ‘You’ve solved your own problem. Write every day and plot properly. It sounds as though you haven’t plotted your book at all, so it’s not surprising if you get in a muddle, is it?’

‘Do you write every day?’ Nick asked, squaring his shoulders as though going into battle.

‘Yes,’ Oliver said, pushing his chair back, ready to get up.

‘And where do you get your ideas?’ Nick said.

Oliver suddenly realized he was the centre of attention and everyone had stopped eating to listen to him. He looked very uncomfortable. ‘Well where do you get your ideas?’ he fired back.

Oliver for some reason then had second thoughts about leaving, pulled his chair back to the table and unfortunately began to focus on the cheese in front of him. ‘Nice Stilton,’ he said. ‘Well aired.’

I hoped he wasn’t going to eat too much of it if it made him grouchy and sleepy as Pippa had suggested. He was bad enough already.

We all started talking at once to cover the difficult pause in the conversation. Elaine and Nancy liked to scour local papers for ideas. Vivienne liked daytime TV shows where unappealing people aired their dirty laundry to whoops and cheers from the audience.

Nick liked the broadsheets. Helena listened to the children who came into the after-school reading club she had started at her library.

‘And what do you like to do?’ Oliver said, turning his laser gaze in my direction.

My mouth went dry. I took a sip of water. ‘I don’t know. Go for walks. Visit old houses,’ I said at last, sounding rather dull even to myself.

‘Go for walks,’ Oliver said thoughtfully. ‘Visit old houses. Hmm, wouldn’t you like to do something more exciting?’

He looked at me again and I swear I could sense him reading my thoughts or certainly seeing through my noisy bravado to the insecure specimen underneath. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling.

‘Or maybe do something more daring?’ he added.

I could feel a blush starting, so I began to gather the dirty plates together to cover my confusion.

‘Don’t you ever do anything thrilling? Don’t you have crazy moments?’ Oliver continued, waggling jazz hands.

I thought about it.

The craziest thing I had done recently was having XX Hot Sauce at Nando’s for a dare instead of my usual choice of Mango and Lime. And I won’t be doing that again in a hurry, I can tell you.

Exciting moments? Exciting moments?

I tried to think of an exciting moment I was prepared to share with the group. One not involving last summer’s final reductions at L. K. Bennett.

‘I don’t think I do,’ I said at last.

Elaine gasped. ‘What, never?’

Vivienne sighed. ‘That’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard. How old are you, Billie? Thirty-four, thirty-five?’

‘Twenty-nine,’ I muttered standing up a bit straighter and trying to look younger.

‘Well you should be doing exciting things on a regular basis. Daily or hourly if at all possible,’ Vivienne said with a knowing look.

Nancy chimed in. ‘Let’s think of something exciting for Billie to do.’

This was terrible. Everyone was looking at me. I suddenly felt like the most pathetic, most boring person in the universe. My hands weren’t working properly and I dropped a couple of spoons onto the floor. Bending to pick them up I was sure my arse must have looked the size of Pluto.

When I stood up I saw the smallest of smiles flickering across Oliver’s face. I realized he had done what he wanted: changed the focus of the conversation from himself to me. He hadn’t finished yet either.

‘So you don’t ever do anything crazy or exciting? I wonder why not. Perhaps you should? Take some chances. Have some adventures. Do something wild and irresponsible before you’re thirty.’ Oliver gave a broad white smile, changing his face from brooding Mr Rochester into something rather glorious. ‘I mean, have you travelled much?’

I began to stammer a bit, a childhood habit I thought I’d grown out of.

‘I’ve been here and there, you know G-Greece. And- and- and the Isle of Wight. I can’t afford to go too far.’

‘You could have come to India with me. I did ask you to, several times,’ Helena muttered. ‘It was really cheap.’

‘Could we talk about something else?’ I said rather heatedly. I began collecting more plates and bowls, making a lot of noise and clatter in the process.

I went over to the sink, still blushing furiously, and ran some hot water over the plates before stacking them in the dishwasher.

Helena followed me. ‘OK?’

‘Fine.’

Oliver stood up, collected his stick, and made his way back to his room. ‘Right then I’d better get on with some work. That’s why we’re here after all isn’t it?’

The others watched in silence until he had gone into his room and closed the door, then an excited whispering began between Elaine, Nancy, and Vivienne while Nick sat looking thoughtful, gnawing at his thumbnail.

‘I must have met him somewhere because his face is so familiar. But I can’t have gone to school with him because I’ve never been to Scotland,’ Nick said at last.

He stood up and started collecting the water glasses until Helena came across with a tray and stopped him.

‘There will be cake and tea at four-thirty,’ I said. ‘You’re all free to do what you like. Do some writing or editing or plotting or just have a sleep.’

‘Well if you’re sure?’ Nick said. ‘Although I like the idea of a quick walk into the village later if you don’t mind company, Helena?’

Helena fidgeted a bit and the glasses on her tray rattled. ‘No, super! I mean it would be nice. In about an hour?’

‘Perfect.’

Nick darted off upstairs and we encouraged the others towards the sitting room where the wood burner was throwing out an immense amount of heat. I would have opened a couple of windows, but they seemed quite contented. Elaine went to her nook under the stairs and was soon tapping away on her laptop while Nancy and Vivienne picked their places on the sofas and settled down to spend the rest of the afternoon dozing and chatting, hopefully with a bit of writing thrown in at some point.

I finished the coffee preparations and made Helena take the next eight-cup cafetière in to Oliver. She reported back that he was standing looking out of his window into the garden and didn’t say much except a vague thank you.

I can only assume he suffered from raging insomnia with so much caffeine inside him on a daily basis. Still, in the immortal words of my long-gone boyfriend, writing was after all only making stuff up and drinking coffee. Oliver must be writing a lot – that’s all I can say.

Chapter Four

I spent the afternoon chopping yet more vegetables ready for the beef in red wine casserole we were going to have that evening. I made sure I did all I could to keep the noise to a minimum and didn’t slam a single cupboard door. I even turned the radio off; usually I sing along. I have an unusual voice. Matt once described me as singing in a bunch of keys. I think he was trying to be funny?

Why did I put up with him for so long? I have no idea. He wasn’t funny at all I eventually realized, just rather spiteful. You know the sort. One of those men who make themselves feel better by making you feel worse. And, of course, I’d been pathetically grateful just to have a boyfriend so I was one half of BillieandMatt instead of being a spare part that people were always trying to find dates for.

Helena went upstairs to get a coat ready for her walk into the village. She came down with fresh lipstick and her red hair tousled artfully into a messy chignon, two things I’m sure weren’t necessary just to go and get milk and low-fat spread.

Helena then remembered she had forgotten the coat so, giggling, had to go back upstairs again to fetch it.

The two of them shuffled off into the village like the Start-Rite kids, not holding hands exactly but definitely connecting. Well lucky Helena, I thought. I could see he was certainly rather cute. And Helena – like me – had been going through what I think is referred to as a ‘dry spell’ over the last few months. Heaven knows why Helena should be unattached. She’s really attractive. Trouble is she’s never really realized that and she spends most of her time in libraries surrounded by elderly newspaper readers, young mothers, or school-age children.

And me? I’m lying fallow, like a field that’s recently had all its vigour drained out of it through over-cropping, courtesy of my last significant other. Matt was really gorgeous-looking, a skilled carpenter and furniture restorer who was more than happy to spend a week buffing a table but didn’t bother to spend more than five minutes polishing me.

My mother said he was a Neanderthal and I would be better off buying furniture from IKEA rather than expecting him to do anything for me. He also chiselled away at my self-confidence with horrible precision, alienated most of my friends, and laughed at my feeble attempts to diet, manage my hair, and find a serious job.

I can see all of that now, but at the time of course I just put up with it. The trouble is I have the memory of an elephant and I never forget any slight no matter how small. (I think I might be developing the figure of an elephant but that’s another story.)

Anyway, I did learn something; when we split up I realized how much easier life could be. I could do what I liked when I liked, and no one said should you be eating that? I didn’t have to do his laundry, and my hoover no longer clogged up with the wood dust that fell out of his clothing. I decided having a serious boyfriend was far too difficult and time-consuming. Not to mention expensive. I wasn’t bothered about being alone. Well not much.

I now qualified as what the government describes as ‘just managing’. Good job I could type and was a whiz at conjuring up incredible meals out of very little. I really should find a proper job though. A route through to the future and my perilous old age. It was a topic that, often in the stilly watches of the night, bothered me a great deal.

I finished assembling the beef casserole – with button mushrooms, baby onions, bay leaves, and a bouquet garni – and sacrificed a whole bottle of red wine in the process. Well, minus a tiny bit.

I’d brought the apple pie with me so all I had to do was knock up some duchesse potatoes, prep some green beans, and I was done. I began clearing down and arranging cutlery in the formal dining room.

It was a glorious setting too, with twelve chairs and a highly polished table; it would have had Matt dribbling with pleasure.

If the cheating bastard had been here to see it.

And if he’d had the brain to actually write a book in the first place.

And needed to go on a writing retreat, which obviously he didn’t – having the brain the size of a peanut and the attention span of a woodlouse.

#Arse.

The two alcoves either side of the fireplace were filled with shelves and a wide selection of books. It was a room just made for huge family lunches and a coterie of rosy-cheeked little girls in sparkly Monsoon party dresses.

Helena and Nick didn’t return until an hour and a half later. Considering the local shops were five minutes’ walk away, I guessed they had been wandering about aimlessly, casting shy glances at each other. It seemed highly unlikely they had got lost unless they had both developed the most diabolical sense of direction.

Nick went off upstairs to unpack and do some writing in his room and Helena mooned around, fiddling with her hair and going over every detail of their unremarkable and entirely predictable conversation. It seemed to consist of tedious teenage topics.

Favourite colour, best subject at school, ideal holiday?

I fully expected them to progress over the course of the week to deeper interests: preferred biscuit for dunking, favourite film, and best chocolate bar.

I left Helena tidying up, collecting coffee mugs, and putting out slices of the fruitcake I had made the previous day. I went to get changed out of my food-splattered jumper and pull on a new shirt, dithering about how many buttons to undo. I eventually did most of them up as I thought it was a bit early to be showing off my rather generous cleavage on purpose. It makes a surprise appearance fairly often; perhaps I should go for a proper bra fitting one of these days? My mother was always trying to get me to do that. I shuddered at the thought.

I spent ten minutes applying a fresh layer of eye shadow – blended in for that smoky-eyed look that obviously is important when you’re about to make tea for seven people and open up a packet of chocolate digestives. Then I messed about for a further five minutes with lipstick. I eventually wiped most of it off and went down into the kitchen and slunk into the pantry to have a sneaky glass of red wine before anyone caught me.

I grabbed my laptop and returned to the corner of the kitchen I had earmarked as mine. It had a comfortable chair and it wasn’t overlooked, which meant in an instant I could swap from writing my deathless prose to checking Facebook undetected.

It also had a nice view of the garden. It was probably filled with colour in the summer but now at the tail end of February it was dull and rather ugly with the straggling stems of last year’s plants drooping over the borders. As the last of the frail light of the afternoon faded, a thin fog began to form over the lawn, hovering and curling like smoke.

I shivered although the room was warm and glanced over towards Oliver’s room. I wondered what he was doing in there and why he was so irritable all the time.

Helena went to look at the guidebook on top of the sideboard, left by the homeowner, and flicked through a few pages, humming tunelessly.

I looked up. ‘Go on then,’ I said.

‘Go on then what?’

‘Tell me some more about Nick.’

‘Oh …’ she waved a careless hand ‘… he seems lovely. Nothing more to say really. He lives quite near my mother.’

She put the guidebook down and went to look at one of the dull watercolours on the wall next to the telephone.

‘And? You like him don’t you?’ I said.

Helena shrugged, feigning disinterest very badly.

‘Oh he’s easy to talk to. You know.’

‘He likes you,’ I said. ‘Pity we’ve just missed Valentine’s Day.’

Her face brightened. ‘Do you think he likes me? Really?’ Finally the floodgates were unleashed. ‘He’s so funny too. Do you know we both went to the Slimbridge Wildfowl place a couple of years ago at Easter? He was taking his nieces and I went with my mother. Just think, we could have met then, or passed each other on the way to the bird hides.’

‘Just think!’ I said.

Helena stuck her tongue out at me and went to fill the kettle.

*

The writers left their lairs and returned to the kitchen promptly at four-thirty for fruitcake, biscuits, and tea.

Everyone was happy with the house and how comfortable it was. Nancy had been reading through her book, trying to sort the muddles out and attempting to plot it properly. Vivienne had read the house guidebook and discovered the tale of a shocking relationship between a gentleman who lived there in the nineteenth century and his ward, a girl more than half his age. They seemed to have produced three children who were passed off as foundlings and when the girl had threatened to confess the truth to the local rector, her guardian had strangled her – a crime for which he was hanged. Vivienne was thrilled and determined to transpose the tale into the twenty-first century, adding more scandalous detail and possibly some bondage.

There was no sign of Oliver for which I was grateful and eventually people went off to their preferred chairs to continue writing. I was washing up and about to wrap the remnants of the cake in foil when Oliver’s door opened.

‘Oh! Have I missed tea?’ he said looking around rather bleary-eyed.

I swear to God he’d been sleeping again.

‘No problem, I’ll make some more if you want it,’ I said. He was doing this on purpose. Just to be bloody difficult. ‘It won’t take a moment.’

‘Go on then,’ he said, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

I flicked on the kettle and made more tea, rinsing out the pot and dropping in fresh tea bags. No sooner had I dowsed them in boiling water than he said, ‘I don’t want tea. I’ll have coffee.’

I gritted my teeth, chucked the tea away, and made coffee instead.

Back at the table he was looking into space. I put the cafetière down in front of him and offered him one of the giant mugs.

He looked at it for a moment and then pushed it back across the table to me. ‘I don’t know why you always give me those. I’d really prefer an ordinary one.’

‘But Pippa …’ I bit back the protest and went to find him another mug, which I placed in front of him. ‘Sorry.’

He didn’t answer but poured himself some coffee and took a slice of cake.

‘What have you been doing?’ he said.

‘Cooking, clearing up, washing up,’ I said cheerfully as I put some dirty mugs into the dishwasher.

‘Nothing exciting then?’

I swear he was laughing at me and I felt my hackles rising in annoyance.

No, I would be calm and not lose my rag. I would take a deep cleansing breath and think nice thoughts. I would not knock the milk jug over accidentally on purpose so it soaked his legs.

‘I like doing it. I like looking after people. And I might get some writing done later, after I’ve abseiled off the roof,’ I added under my breath. ‘And you? What are you writing about?’

Oliver topped up his coffee.

‘Sandstorms. War. Nothing to appeal to you. I mean there are no cupcakes or shoes. So you really enjoy doing this?’

I bit back my annoyance at such a patronizing attitude.

‘Do I like running retreats? Yes I do.’ Otherwise I wouldn’t do them. ‘Are you enjoying being here?’

He shrugged and took another bite of cake.

‘I mean are you sufficiently relaxed to write? No plot holes or – you know – writer’s block to worry about?’

‘What?’ he looked up rather sharply.

‘I said plot holes and writer’s block. You don’t suffer from those then? Oh no that’s just lack of discipline or something isn’t it?’

He stood up, favouring me with a hard look, and without a word stomped back into his room, taking his coffee with him.

Well someone was grumpy. I mean grumpier than usual. It must have been the Stilton.

Chapter Five

That evening Oliver didn’t come out to join us for a drink before dinner. And he still hadn’t come out when we sat down to eat.

Helena and I did Rock, Paper, Scissors and went to the best of three. She lost so I made her go and knock on his door. She returned very quickly, pulling a face. We went and had a muttered discussion in the hall out of earshot of the others.

‘Blimey, he’s in a mood. He practically growled. He’s writing. He says he’ll grab something later.’

‘It’s gone eight o’clock. We’ll have tidied up and set the things out for breakfast by the time he comes out. Does he want something in his room?’

‘I don’t know. I didn’t ask. He’s looking very thundery – I couldn’t wait to get out of there,’ Helena hissed.

‘Jeez. Come on, let’s get back to the others.’

‘I’ll open some more white wine. The red is already on the table.’

Oliver Forest must have been in the middle of a really determined sulk because the aroma of the beef casserole was wonderful. It would have persuaded anyone else out into the open but not him. I almost felt like wafting it towards his door with a tea towel, but undoubtedly he would have caught me doing it, so I didn’t. It wasn’t as though I minded that much to be honest. He could eat when he liked really; it was just his attitude that got me going.

‘No Mr Forest this evening?’ Elaine asked as we came back into the dining room. ‘Perhaps he’s finding the distance from his bed to the dining room too difficult as well?’

I looked at her and caught the twinkle in her eye before she returned to her meal.

‘Lovely casserole,’ Nancy said. ‘Really delicious sauce.’

‘It should be – it’s ninety per cent red wine,’ I said.

‘Fabulous. So how have people got on today?’ Vivienne asked, helping herself to more green beans. ‘I did awfully well. I’d been having trouble with the scene involving a pair of handcuffs and some tangerines—’

Nancy put her knife and fork down with a clatter. ‘Viv, leave it!’

Across the table Nick laughed. ‘I’ve been researching sandstorms. My main character has parachuted out of his plane in the Western Desert; well, he’s been shoved out. Do you know sandstorms can blow at one hundred kilometres an hour? And in the sixth century an army of fifty thousand soldiers was lost in one?’

‘You ought to ask Oliver Forest if you want to learn about sandstorms,’ I said acidly. ‘He’s writing about them too. Well he said he was – he might have been winding me up. He thinks all women ever read about is cupcakes and knitting—’

‘I love cupcakes,’ Helena said, ‘although I’m not so hot on the knitting.’

‘And running teashops. I bet if I asked what he was writing about it would just be bombs and submachine guns.’

Nick stopped and looked thoughtfully at me for a moment and then shook his head and carried on eating.

‘So how about you, Elaine? How is your work progressing?’ I asked.

Elaine was staring into space and jumped as she realized I was talking to her.

‘Well this house has given me a marvellous idea for a plot twist. Do you think it would work if my doctor – who’s just married the vicar’s daughter, remember – was the one to poison the squire because he found out the squire was actually her father … and after the wedding … no, of course the squire was in India for twenty years so perhaps not. Although he could have just stolen the child couldn’t he? Or found her at the end of the garden? I wanted to use a bit of folklore about the fairies and how awful they are. Always stealing babies apparently. Oh dear, if I imply he found her I’d have to re-work the whole of the first part yet again. I need to think it through properly. I’m beginning to wonder if Mr Forest isn’t right and I should plot the whole thing out properly. It goes against the grain though.’

‘I saw someone do a plot sheet once. It looked very complicated,’ Nancy said. ‘There was something to do with Post-it Notes and different-coloured pens. I don’t know what all that was about.’

I passed round the wine again and went to get some more water. In the kitchen I glanced at Oliver’s door. It was still closed. I filled the jug and found some ice. I began to worry. What if he was unwell or – encumbered by his plastic boot – had fallen over?

I imagined him prone on the bathroom floor, his head banged up against the radiator, lying in a pool of gore. I’d have to phone an ambulance and there wasn’t any phone signal. I could almost see myself running down the road waving my mobile above my head like an Olympic torch …

I’d better check.

I edged over towards his room on tiptoe and stood listening. Nothing.

I stepped closer, cleared my throat and made sort of ‘goodness me I wonder where Oliver is’ noises. Nothing.

I knocked and received no reply, so I knocked harder.

After a moment’s hesitation I opened the door and looked round. No sign of him anywhere. The room was immaculately tidy, the curtains closed, the bed tightly made, and no sign of Oliver or any of his possessions. I relaxed a bit; perhaps he had left? No, his suitcase was still tucked in next to the wardrobe.

He must have gone out. But how? And why? After insisting he couldn’t manage the stairs, would he just go off for a walk? Bloody cheek of the man! I had a good mind to get all his gear together and just move him into another room upstairs and put Elaine into the room she had booked months ago. I’d have to change the bedding though. I mean, I wouldn’t want to sleep on someone else’s sheets. Even if he wore pyjamas.

I bet he didn’t.

I bet he slept with nothing on.

Shut up! Shut up! Stop thinking such ridiculous thoughts! He’d probably kept his clothes on during his nap. Hadn’t he? I would.

I didn’t think I could bring myself to do it. There would be all sorts of man stuff. I remembered only too clearly what it was like when I went on holiday to Cornwall with Matt. Clothes and shaving kit and personal things with plugs and chargers. I couldn’t just, you know, rummage around in his drawers. I snorted with laughter despite myself.

There was a sudden movement just out of my eye line.

I turned.

There in the shadowy corner was a naked, one-legged man.

I screamed and instinctively clutched the water jug to my chest. In the same second that the iced water splattered all over me and a couple of ice cubes sneaked down my top into my bra, I realized it was Oliver with his injured leg in a black bin liner. He’d been having a shower. The only correct part of my assumption was he was naked.

Don’t look! Don’t bloody look for God’s sake.

Too late!

Jeeezus!

I shut my eyes as tight as I could and took a step back and of course fell over something. And tipped the rest of the water over myself.

I heard myself yelping like a trampled puppy and someone roaring with laughter and then I fled out of the room. Nancy and Vivienne, alerted by the noise, had come out of the dining room and were standing there. Nancy was still chewing.

‘Are you all right?’ Vivienne said reaching out a kind hand. ‘You’re soaking wet. What on earth have you been doing?’

I babbled for a second and then thrust the empty water jug towards her before sprinting upstairs.

I stripped off my clothes, trying hard not to wail too loudly. After all, when you have a house full of guests it’s not the done thing. I found a towel and some dry clothes by which time Helena was rattling on the door trying to come in.

‘What the hell have you been doing?’ she called through the door. ‘Are you hurt? Are you OK? Let me in!’

I struggled into a clean top and some jeans that I preferred not to wear as they were a tad tight, and unlocked the door.

‘Just don’t ask,’ I said. ‘I’ll tell you when you’re older and I’ve stopped cringing.’

‘Well obviously you’re not going to get away with that. Have you had a shower?’

I rubbed at my wet hair with a towel and glanced in the mirror. I had mascara running down my cheeks. My hair looked as though I’d stuck my finger in a light socket.

‘No, I haven’t had a shower. Look can you just go back downstairs and keep them all happy for a few minutes? I’ll explain later!’

‘Well come on and stop messing about,’ Helena said chucking me a comb. ‘Oliver’s just turned up and he wants his dinner.’

*

Oliver didn’t even look at me, not so much as a sly glance, a cocked eyebrow, or a suppressed snigger to imply he was at all bothered by the last half-hour. I on the other hand was puce with embarrassment. I went to fetch a clean plate for him and placed it on the table before scurrying off, pretending I was checking something in the kitchen. I went back into the pantry and had another sneaky glass of wine to bolster me up.

The apple pie was on the worktop looking glamorous and golden, its sugary top glistening in the kitchen spotlights. There was crème anglaise and vanilla ice cream to go with it, so I pretended to mess around with jugs and saucepans to give myself time to calm down. I was feeling quite hot and bothered and quickly realized my long-sleeved sweatshirt had been a bad choice. I should have gone for a cotton shirt. Or a T-shirt. Or just stayed in my room with a paper bag over my head.

I tried thinking about something else – the plot of my novel. I was writing a scene where the hero meets the feisty young heroine and rescues her from a flash flood. Or should it be from a dangerous dog? Or a dastardly villain with evil intent?

One thing I would not do was allow my hero to continue morphing slowly but steadily into Oliver Forest. With dark hair curling onto his neck and eyes the colour of a summer night sky. White, even teeth. Skin tanned and taut over just the right amount of muscles. Tall, broad shoulders, long legs, narrow hips.

And no clothes.

Blast.

Shut up.

*

I couldn’t hide in the pantry forever, obviously. And to try and do so would be really immature and pathetic. I put the pie on a tray and decanted the crème anglaise into a pretty blue and white jug. Then I took the plastic box of vanilla ice cream out of the freezer and carried the lot into the dining room as Helena carried the dirty plates away. Oliver had just finished his casserole and the discussion around the table had moved on to one of our favourite topics: the difficulty of finding an agent.

Elaine was talking.

‘I used to have an agent, back in the day, but then I lost her and no one else wanted to take me on. So I was cast out into the literary wilderness. Since then I haven’t had much luck finding a replacement – and getting a book published without one is impossible these days. I did wonder about self-publishing and then I didn’t have the nerve.’

Nancy nodded vigorously, her grey curls bobbing. ‘And the utter shame of a load of one-star Amazon reviews. People can say the nastiest things. And sometimes it’s for ludicrous reasons. I read one once where the person had given one star simply because the book had arrived late. And someone else gave five stars because they liked the cover. Nothing to do with the standard of the writing.’

Nick was looking very thoughtful. He threw Oliver a curious glance. ‘So what do you think, Oliver?’

Oliver made some sort of non-committal noise and took a sip of red wine.

It was Helena’s turn to look pensive. ‘Hang on; Pippa said your launch had been delayed because of your accident?’

‘What did you do?’ Vivienne asked. ‘We never did find out.’

‘I told you, a spill off my motorbike,’ Oliver said.

For some reason I’d assumed he had fallen off a bicycle. There’s nothing I find remotely appealing about neon Lycra, padded gel saddles, or aerodynamically designed bike helmets. But motorbike leathers? Big biker boots?

Yummy scrummy! Now you’re talking!

I nearly had to grab hold of the back of a chair to steady myself. For heaven’s sake what was the matter with me?

Helena wasn’t going to be distracted. ‘So, this launch. Have you written other books? Or is this your first?’

‘I’d love a slice of pie,’ Oliver said, ignoring the question.

Helena cut him a piece and slid it onto a plate. She pushed the jug of crème anglaise across the table and I handed over the tub of ice cream. ‘Anyone else?’

She was busy for a few minutes sorting out the dessert and it wasn’t until she was sitting down with a small serving of her own that Helena returned to her question.

‘So, Oliver? About this book and the launch? How incredibly exciting. I mean we would give a lot to be having a book launch – small, medium, or otherwise wouldn’t we?’

We all nodded in agreement.

‘Oh, you know,’ he said vaguely.

‘Where is it? Can we come?’ Nancy said boldly.

‘Ludlow. I’m not organizing it,’ Oliver said. He jabbed at his dish with his spoon. ‘This is delicious by the way. Excellent pastry.’

I don’t know if anyone else noticed but I certainly saw what was going on. Oliver was very keen not to talk about himself. He was in a room full of writers and they are some of the nosiest people on the planet, so he was on a hiding to nothing.

‘Ludlow is a lovely little town,’ Vivienne said. ‘I remember going there with the WI years ago. Lots about Catherine of Aragon and Prince Arthur I think.’

I ambled around the table, heading back towards the kitchen, and was almost knocked over by Nick who had darted out of his seat leaving his dessert half eaten. He skidded out into the hallway and I heard him running upstairs to his bedroom two at a time and slamming his bedroom door.

Flipping heck, I hope it wasn’t anything to do with our cooking? I mean we had both done a load of online training and certificates about hygiene, food preparation, and handling, but there’s always the fear of someone coming down with salmonella or botulism or something isn’t there?

I stood at the bottom of the stairs listening for sounds of retching and heaving but couldn’t hear anything, so perhaps he was all right after all. I carried on into the kitchen to start loading the dishwasher with the dinner plates.

By the time I returned to the dining room Nick was back in his place, his hands clasped between his knees. He looked a bit pinched and pale around the mouth.

‘Are you OK, Nick?’ I asked.

He nodded and didn’t speak. He was looking at Oliver with a strange expression.

‘Anything wrong?’

He shook his head. Not a sudden attack of typhoid then.

‘I know who you are,’ Nick blurted out.

We all looked at him, a bit startled.

He was still staring at Oliver.

‘I knew your name was familiar. I knew I’d heard of you,’ Nick said.

Nancy and Vivienne looked up from their dessert, their synchronized noses scenting some unexpected excitement.

Oliver didn’t say anything. He just looked a bit irritated. No it wasn’t that – he looked resigned if anything.

Nick went on, his face still pale and determined. ‘I just went upstairs to google you. And I can’t think why it took me so long. You’re one of my favourite writers. I’ve got your books. I’ve seen your photo on the dust jackets. You’re Ross Black aren’t you?’

There was a split second of silence and then an audible intake of breath from the others. Everyone turned as one to look at Oliver, waiting for his reaction. He finished his mouthful of pie and put his spoon down.

He gave a crooked grimace. It was almost a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘Ha!’ he said.

Chapter Six

We sat in silence for a few seconds and looked at him. In a moment he had changed from being just a disagreeable guest with a leg in a boot to one of the country’s most successful writers of thrillers.

Oliver Forest was Ross Black. This man in his perfectly ordinary-looking dark-blue sweater and jeans was Ross Black. Seven years ago he’d been teaching maths in an oversubscribed comprehensive, writing a book in the school car park during his lunch hours. It was snapped up by the agent of the day who organized a bidding war and he’d become a literary sensation in the space of a year.

A Hollywood film of his first book, The Dirty Road, had been made, with Channing Tatum in the lead role, and there was another one planned for the sequel: The Fool in Charge. I had even been to see it. I couldn’t remember too much but without a doubt there had been sandstorms, a brilliant car chase, heroism against all the odds, and men with scarves wrapped round their faces. I think there had been a woman with a twisted ankle too come to think of it. I’d been too busy watching the hero’s muscles rippling to remember much about her. Except her clothes kept falling off.

His books had topped the bestseller lists; he had been nominated for several prizes and awards. He was a success. His next two books had been bestsellers too. The fourth one, Death in Damascus, was due out sometime this year; Uncle Peter had an order in for it.

Oliver Forest would have been all over the celebrity pages if he hadn’t been so reclusive. What the hell was he doing with us in the middle of nowhere, eating our food and wandering about with no clothes on?

For a moment it was as though the air had been sucked out of the room. And everyone just sat and gawped at him for a few minutes, waiting for him to do something unexpected and unusual. As though he was a juggling dog.

He didn’t really do anything; he just took a bit more ice cream. At last he looked across at us.

‘It’s no big deal, you know,’ he said at last.

‘The Dirty Road is one of my favourite books,’ Nick said at last, hero worship glowing all over his face.

‘I bet there are at least four people in this room who haven’t read it,’ Oliver said.

Elaine fidgeted a little. ‘Well I’ve heard of you obviously, but I’ve never read any of your books.’

‘Me neither,’ Nancy admitted. ‘Not really my thing.’

‘Nor me,’ Vivienne said. ‘I did try one once … but …’ She tailed off in embarrassment as she realized what she was about to say.

‘There you are, told you. Helena? What about you?’ Oliver said.

Helena blushed and shook her head. ‘Sorry, no.’

‘And you, Billie?’ He looked at me, his eyes dark and unfathomable.

I would have given a lot to have a heated debate with him about the merits of his books.

I imagined myself musing how the plot had been a bit patchy in places, whether or not a macho, dirty vest-wearing, gun-toting hero was politically acceptable these days despite my secret crush on Bruce Willis and my addiction to the Bourne Trilogy. And was the use of explosives and destruction to solve a political crisis really OK in the twenty-first century? Unfortunately I didn’t have the knowledge or the nerve.

‘Well, yes … no. I mean I’ve always m-meant to read them and I think … I mean I’m sure I would enjoy them. I think … I did see the film, well I saw a bit of it once. I went with Matt. My b-boyfriend.’

I have/had a boyfriend. See, I’m not completely pathetic.

I’d been in a crabby mood through most of that film actually. Matt and I had been heading downstream towards the end of our two years together and we both knew it. We’d gone to the cinema because we didn’t feel like having sex and it was easier than talking to each other.

I would have preferred to see the latest chick flick playing in Screen 1. All my friends had enjoyed it and my mother described it as nauseating garbage to set the feminist movement back fifty years. So I know I would have enjoyed it. Still, Channing Tatum’s rippling muscles were quite enjoyable too.

Now I was a gibbering wreck. It was all I could do to stop staring at Oliver in the first place; now it was going to be hard not to ask for his autograph at some point. I glanced away from him and looked at the bookcases. And yes, there were his books. Three fat hardbacks, immediately recognizable, lined up on the middle shelf. Books the owner of the house obviously liked and had left for guests to read. They were all well thumbed, the dustcovers cracked and discoloured, the gilt of the title letters was tarnished. The Dirty Road, The Fool in Charge, Glory 17.

Bloody hell. There we had all been, chattering on about writing and plot holes and word count and our piddling little WIPs. Droning on about how hard it was to get an agent, writer’s block, and how was it that pathetically ordinary novels became bestsellers, and in our midst was one of the most successful authors of the last few years. It was one of those cringing moments when you just want to hide behind the sofa. Except there wasn’t a sofa to hide behind.

‘Well you’ve just proved my point haven’t you?’ he said.

‘You should have put some cupcakes in or had a fete and then we would have found it more appealing,’ I said before I could stop myself.

He bit his lip. ‘You could be right,’ he said.

Horrified at myself, I stood up and put the lid back on the ice cream so I could put it back in the freezer. We were all crippled with unusual politeness for a while. We chatted quietly about non-contentious issues: what holidays we had planned, how Elaine’s recent house move had gone, whether or not Nancy’s three sons would ever get around to producing grandchildren. Oliver sat at his end of the table, eyes down, and finished his dessert.

At last he looked up at us. You could tell from his expression he was expecting something. I couldn’t imagine what.

Nick was the first to speak to him. ‘Um, Oliver, sorry but would you …’

Oliver put his spoon down with a clatter and gave a humourless laugh.

‘Here we go. Now it begins. I knew it wouldn’t take you long. There’s always something. Would I what? Put in a good word with my publisher? Take a look at your manuscript? Talk about how to get an agent to your writing group? Chat to your book club? Give you a signed hardback to auction for your school? Open your village fete? Speak up to stop your library being closed?’

Nick fidgeted uncomfortably. ‘No, I just wondered … would you pass the red wine, please?’

I stood up and began collecting the dirty pudding bowls together. ‘Coffee, everyone? There’s more wine here if anyone wants it?’ I said, my voice shaking with laughter.

This suggestion met with tremendous approval and everyone started talking at once very loudly. I went out into the kitchen and began making coffee and putting cutlery into the dishwasher. Helena wasn’t far behind me.

‘Well what do you think? How amazing! Ross Black here! Ross Black!’

‘Well yes but you’ve never read one of his books have you?’

‘No, but I know a famous author when I meet one. Even if he is a—’ Helena struggled to find the right word.

‘Rude, self-satisfied twat?’ I whispered.

She nodded. ‘Yes, I suppose rude, self-satisfied twat would cover it. And we have to put up with it all week. We’ve always wanted to get a really famous author too. What a pity we got him.’

She finished loading the dishwasher and shut the door. She turned to me, her face thoughtful.

‘It’s a bit of an opportunity though isn’t it? I don’t suppose he would do a workshop, do you?’

‘What on? Being obnoxious?’ I said. ‘You must be joking – you heard him just now. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of asking. He’d only say no and do the sneery thing he does.’

‘I haven’t seen a sneery thing,’ Helena said, puzzled.

‘It’s just me then. Come on, let’s get this coffee into the dining room although, let’s be honest, he’s had enough caffeine today to run the Grand National.’

I took the tray back into the dining room and found Oliver Forest, or Ross Black, or whatever he wanted to be called, had gone.

‘He’s in his room,’ Nancy said. ‘He said he wants his coffee in there.’

‘Oh does he? Right then.’

I went stamping back into the kitchen and set out a tray for him with a second cafetière I had found and a second unattractive mug.

‘Here,’ I said to Helena, ‘can you take this to his majesty? I’ll start on the saucepans.’

Scrubbing saucepans was the job both of us detested and we went to considerable lengths to avoid doing them, so my offer was unusual in the extreme.

‘Bloody hell, are you OK?’ Helena said.

‘Perfectly,’ I said, rolling my sleeves up and getting stuck in. ‘I’ll get rid of some of my irritation this way. God I wish we could go to the pub!’

Going to the pub was out of the question, of course. We had to be on hand in case there was a food crisis or wine bottle needing to be opened. It would have been very bad form to leave our guests, and anyway it was usually fun to get to know new people and enjoy hearing their writing stories. Adding Oliver Forest into the mix seemed to have affected everything somehow. No it hadn’t; it had ruined it. Helena and I were going to have to work hard to get everyone relaxed and cheerful again.

*

We ploughed on, and gradually everyone began to enjoy themselves. This might have had something to do with the unexpected bonus of Oliver taking his coffee and staying in his room for the rest of the evening. Occasionally I went into the kitchen to fetch something or stack a few more dirty dishes on the worktop. Once I heard him shouting into his phone but on the other occasions it was eerily silent.

I tiptoed around as though there was a sleeping tiger behind the door and put the crockery down with exaggerated care. I dropped a teaspoon and waited with bated breath in case he came out roaring, but nothing happened and I slunk back into the sitting room.

‘No sign of our celebrity?’ Nancy said in a stage whisper.

I shook my head. ‘Perhaps he’s writing.’

‘Or maybe he’s gone to bed.’ Helena said.

I fought back the mental image of Oliver Forest in bed and asked Nick how his novel was progressing.

We all chatted happily enough until after ten-thirty, which was plenty late enough for me, and then Helena and I set the breakfast table in stressed silence in case we disturbed him. Shortly afterwards I went upstairs. I was quite exhausted. And this was just the beginning.

Helena came up a few minutes later and rummaged around in her suitcase for her pyjamas and her sponge bag. We were sharing a bathroom with Elaine, so we did a bit of polite dodging backwards and forwards until we were sure she had finished her nightly rituals and was safely tucked up in her bed.

I wanted to talk to Helena but as usual she was snoring gently in minutes, the product of an untroubled mind, whereas I lay in bed, unable to sleep at all.

I tried to put Oliver Forest out of my thoughts, but instead I remembered what we’d talked about at lunchtime. I knew everyone was right. My life did need an adrenaline shot. What could I do to make my life more exciting?

I needed a list.

I know, a ten-point plan!

I sat up and reached for my notebook and the pen that lights up in the dark that Helena had given me for my last birthday. What would someone put on an ‘adventure list’? Climb mountains? Hmm I’m not really great with heights. Explore foreign lands? That takes money. Learn how to do something dangerous … Did adventurous have to mean dangerous? I’d prefer it not to. Not only was my budget limited, if I was honest, what I really needed was to take a few more adventurous leaps in my own life. Maybe if I kept to things that were easy to achieve I might actually do it … because there was no way I was going cliff jumping! Right then …

 1) Go on an expensive unexpectedly cheap holiday. Somewhere I’ve never been. Take masses of brilliant photos that are not obscured by other people’s heads, own finger, or phone case. Win photographic competition.

 2) Lose a stone before 1) happens by starting a new clean-eating regime. Raw vegetables instead of chocolate. Fruit instead of ice cream.

 3) Declutter wardrobe in manner of impossibly stylish woman. Put all remaining clothes into order using limited colour palette so I don’t look as though I’ve dressed in the dark. Become known as elegant, sophisticated person whose clothes fit. Get measured for bra.

 4) Declutter kitchen cupboards. Check use-by dates on all items and discard where appropriate. Do not replace on the off chance I will be using a lot of ground nutmeg any time soon.

I paused to think and chewed the end of my pen.

 5) Get second bedroom cleared of all junk. Ditto garden shed. Do not scream and hop about; woodlice are harmless. Find out what purple flower thing in garden is.

 6) Find a proper job that pays proper money, has a pension scheme, and paid holidays.

 7) Do 6) first. Before all the other things.

 8) Get a tattoo. A really small one I can hide.

 9) Consider eyebrow waxing.

 10) Rethink shoes. Ugg boots – while comfortable and cute – are only suitable for children and people who go to the supermarket in pj’s. Wear heels more often so am forced to be elegant and stand up straight and not scuttle around like a beetle on speed.

I read back through the list. It sounded manageable, but also a bit outside my comfort zone – when was the last time I had allowed myself to imagine I could ever be stylish? I’d never been stylish. But wasn’t that the point? And a tattoo? I wasn’t even sure I approved of them.

And could I start a new career? Even just thinking it made me shiver with anticipation.

Maybe it would be possible. But doing what? For the moment I needed to concentrate on tomorrow. I was going to make a Victoria sponge and a chicken carbonara sauce. And two quiches for lunch.

Would Oliver approve of that?

Real men don’t eat quiche.

Matt said that the first and only time I made it for him. I should have known then it was never going to work out between us. He didn’t like salad either and only tolerated fruit as a decoration.

Did Oliver eat fruit? And salad? Would he like the cake I was going to make?

I clicked off my pen and lay down again, impatient with myself. I’d just written a list of all my big adventurous plans and I couldn’t stop thinking about a man! And an annoying man at that. Anyone would think he was the only guest here; the others were equally as important. Just because he was famous didn’t mean I should fixate on his needs.

His needs.

Did Oliver Forest have needs?

What sort of needs?

Was Pippa his girlfriend? Was she in love with him? All the evidence pointed to no.

But maybe she was and that was why she was prepared to tolerate his moods?

Not a chance in hell. Surely not, considering the way he spoke to her! Even I wouldn’t stand someone treating me like that and my self-esteem had been flattened over the years.

Did he have a softer side when they were alone together? Was he sweet to her when no one else was looking?

Perhaps he was bad tempered because he was missing her?

Perhaps he was sex-starved.

Was he good in bed?

FFS! Shut up, woman!

I thumped my pillow and tried to think about something else.

It struck me that: 11) Finish the book and get it published hadn’t figured in my thinking at all. That was a bit of a surprise wasn’t it?

There was no denying it: my work of so-called light-hearted Tudor romance had solidified into a turgid disaster over the last six months. I think it’s very hard to write about love when you’re not in love yourself. Perhaps I should shift to writing about revenge killings?

There was a soft glow from the street light outside the house but at midnight it went out and the room was intensely dark. As my eyes grew accustomed to the gloom I looked through the open curtain next to my bed and saw a clear, dark sky studded with stars.

I tried the usual methods of getting myself to sleep. What would I do if I won the lottery? One million? Ten million?

Nope, nothing worked.

Perhaps I should try and read one of Oliver’s books?

My eyes snapped open.

Now that was a thought! I wondered if there were any rude bits? You know, sex scenes?

For God’s sake, how childish was I?

I could certainly remember some erotic scenes in the film; the sight of Channing Tatum with his shirt off was the only thing that made the film worth seeing in my opinion. Had Oliver written them, or had they been put in by Hollywood? I couldn’t wait to find out. I lay wide-eyed in the gloom and considered the possibilities.

I’d not read many sex scenes by male authors. It wasn’t as though I went looking for them, but I was intrigued. Would Oliver’s style be realistic? Would his hero dump his submachine gun behind the bedroom door and do erotically slow and explicit things to some silky-skinned beauty who had been panting for him since their first meeting?

Or maybe his sand-encrusted hero would be forceful and determined, sweeping women away on a tide of lust and pheromones? I could almost imagine him, pulling his scarf off his face with a devilish laugh and ripping her flimsy garments with his strong white teeth? Coo er, actually that sounded rather good to me.

Or possibly he would close the bedroom door behind him in a flurry of asterisks.

Perhaps by the end of the week he would be swapping tips with Vivienne about alternative names for body parts? Maybe I could sneak downstairs without disturbing anyone and get one of his books off the bookcase and find out? It suddenly seemed a really exciting prospect. And then I fell asleep.

Chapter Seven

The following day I woke late to find Helena had already dressed and gone downstairs. I hurriedly dragged some clothes on and ran a brush through my hair, wondering how I had managed to sleep through her departure. She wasn’t usually so considerate. If she was up then generally her view was I should be too.

She was in the kitchen prising frozen croissants apart with a knife and putting them onto a baking tray. She had already sorted the juices and jams ready for people to come down for breakfast.

‘Afternoon,’ she said rather tartly.

‘Sorry. I slept really badly,’ I said. ‘I didn’t hear you get up.’

‘I chucked a pillow at you and even that didn’t work.’

I jerked my head towards Oliver’s room. ‘Any sign of himself?’

‘Nothing yet. I expect he’s still asleep. I’ve tried to keep the noise down.’

I looked at the kitchen clock; it was nearly eight o’clock – breakfast time – and I could hear someone coming downstairs. It was Nancy, swathed in a strange voluminous garment of various shades of purple topped off with a jaunty cerise beret. She was certainly eye-catching.

‘I can smell coffee,’ she said. ‘Exactly what I need.’

Helena put a tray of clean mugs and a freshly filled cafetière on the table in front of her and Nancy helped herself.

‘So? Any sign of our celebrity?’ she hissed.

‘Nothing yet,’ Helena said.

I went to fetch the milk and yogurt from the fridge only to find they were already on the table. I began to fidget. I remembered last night, wondering what sort of erotica Oliver was into. The thought still made me feel rather odd.

How casually could I go into the dining room and take one of his books from the shelf?

‘Was everything cleared out of the dining room last night?’ I said airily. ‘I’ll go and check we didn’t miss anything.’

I took a damp cloth, went into the dining room, and pulled the curtains back to let in the pale morning sunshine. The room smelled of old beams and dust and I would have opened the window if I had been tall enough to reach the catch. There were a couple of wine glasses on the mantelpiece to take and I wiped a handful of crumbs off the table. Then I went to the bookcase and pulled out The Dirty Road.

The cover was pretty much what I had expected. A dark-haired man, his forehead smeared with dirt, squinting against the sun, a scarf around the lower half of his face. It’s called a shemagh by the way – I looked it up. In the background there was a well-endowed woman in need of a bra fitting, crouched on the ground looking hopefully towards our sandblasted hero, and what looked like an oil refinery on fire in the distance. So far so predictable.

I heard a burst of laughter from the kitchen and the unmistakeable sound of Vivienne’s hooting laugh. I winced. Oliver would love waking up to her racket.

I stuffed The Dirty Road up my jumper and dashed up the back stairs to put the book under my pillow for later.

In my absence everyone, except Oliver of course, had arrived. It’s like being on holiday; at home you’d skip breakfast and have two cups of coffee but in a hotel you feel honour bound to go for it. This morning we were offering Danish pastries and croissants and by the looks of things our guests were hoovering them up as fast as possible. Jars of apricot and raspberry jam were flashing around the table at high speed and the new block of butter was covered in stab marks and flakes of pastry.

Helena was already making more coffee and the chat was all wonderfully lively and book-related. Which is one of the great things about writers: they will talk for hours about their work in progress and other writers will listen and make helpful suggestions. Everywhere else people’s eyes glaze over and they ask when your book is going to be in Waterstones.

‘No sign of Oliver?’ I asked as I took a new batch of croissants to the table.

‘Not a squeak. Do you think he’s dead?’

‘Well if he is I’m not going to look. Not after the last time!’

‘Oh yes, you never did tell me what happened,’ Helena whispered. ‘Go on.’

‘I made a complete tit of myself in every sense of the word,’ I said.

‘Huh?’ Helena’s face screwed up in confusion.

‘I fell over and spilled a jug of water. Remember? I was soaking and you thought I’d had a shower?’

‘Yes that sounds like you. More coffee, Nick?’

Helena sailed off to where Nick was sitting happily larding slabs of butter onto his croissant and she topped up his mug. They exchanged a shy smile and I shook my head at her. Everyone knows you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure, don’t they? I speak from bitter experience; I went out with an electrician once and my immersion heater never worked properly again after he mended it.

At last everyone was sorted and we sat down to join them, eager to hear everyone’s plans for the day.

Nancy was going to resume her plotting; Vivienne was still busy with the handcuffs scene and was wondering if it was possible for her heroine to unlock them with a safety pin in her teeth. Vivienne admitted when she was seventeen she had once successfully picked a lock with a crochet hook so she could get at her father’s sherry.

‘I’d quite like to go up the church tower tomorrow if anyone fancies it?’ Nick said.

Helena jerked in her chair with the prospect.

I saw Vivienne and Nancy exchange a meaningful look.

‘We’re not very good with steps either are we, Nancy?’ Vivienne said.

‘And it’s a bit wet for me,’ Elaine said.

Helena tried to appear casual. ‘I’d love to … if you didn’t mind …’

‘No, it would be lovely,’ Nick said, his freckled face flushed with pleasure, ‘so I’d better get on with some actual writing today. I promised myself I’d get past fifty thousand words this week and I’ve got a way to go.’

He jammed in the last of his breakfast, made some half-hearted attempt to help Helena tidy up, and went off upstairs to get his laptop. Several cups of coffee later the others followed suit and Helena and I were left to clear away the breakfast things. It was nearly nine-thirty.

‘What about Oliver?’ Helena said.

I shrugged. ‘I’ll arrange some things down this end of the table and wait and see if he comes out.’

I set to with my cloth, wiping up jam and making the table look reasonably attractive again. Helena loaded the dishwasher and washed the baking trays. Still there was no sign of him. I rinsed out a cafetière, loaded it up with fresh coffee, and put Oliver’s hideous bucket-mug next to it. Then we both went upstairs to get our laptops and tidy ourselves up. I for one had a blob of apricot jam on my shirt.

‘So you’re off with Nick Fitzgerald again?’ I said.

Helena tried and failed to look cool.

‘We’re just going to look at a church and go up the tower,’ she said. ‘That’s all. Not as though we’re going clubbing is it? OK if I grab a shower?’

‘Of course, and I don’t think he’s the sort to go clubbing any more than you are,’ I said, scrabbling in my suitcase for a clean shirt. There were three, all of them a bit crumpled. I never seemed to get properly unpacked at these things. The week always ended with my clothes in a big untidy heap as though someone had stirred the contents of my suitcase with a giant spoon.

Helena on the other hand had hung all her tiny clothes up in the wardrobe and filled two drawers. Perhaps that’s why she always appeared neat and crisp and I usually looked as though I’d just come back from a jumble sale?

(Point 3 on my to-do list would soon sort this out.)

Anyway, it was early days so I still had a chance of appearing relatively tidy. I had yet another cake to make too – better get on with it.

Downstairs the kitchen was pretty much as we had left it except the cafetière and the bucket-mug were missing. I think there were also a couple of pastries fewer. So Oliver had taken the opportunity to come out, grab some breakfast, and disappear back into his room again. Honestly, we weren’t so bad were we? Did he really need to sneak about avoiding us? How childish.

I worked on in silence for a while until the cake was in the oven and I was taking the first batch of cookies out when Oliver’s door opened.

He stood there for a moment watching me and then he held out his cafetière towards me accusingly. I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. He just shook the cafetière towards me as though I was psychic. I wiped my hands on a tea towel.

‘Can I help you?’ I said.

I knew I was being stroppy. I knew exactly what he wanted. Personally, I would have thought he’d had more than enough caffeine for one day and it was only ten-fifteen.

‘What do I have to do to get this refilled?’ he said.

I went over to where he stood, and took the coffee pot from him.

‘You could ask nicely?’ I said with a saccharine smile. ‘It’s usually a good starting point.’

‘I assumed you would have been a bit more on the ball by now?’ he snapped and went back into his room, slamming the door behind him.

‘Well you know what they say about assume,’ I muttered.

I made coffee, put it on a tray, took it with some of the fresh cookies to his door, and knocked.

‘Yep.’

Do come in, thank you so much.

‘Your coffee and some cookies.’

How kind.

‘I don’t want those,’ he said. ‘You women are obsessed with cake and biscuits. Take them away.’

You women?

He hadn’t even looked up from his laptop. I felt rather like tipping the whole lot over him. Except it would probably result in a legal claim for actual bodily harm; not a good idea if you think about it.

International bestselling author in burns unit.

‘I swear she did it on purpose,’ said Ross Black, his face and both hands heavily bandaged. In the background I was being led away in handcuffs.

I put the tray down on the table, picked up the basket of cookies, and turned to go.

‘Lunch is at one o’clock,’ I said encouragingly.

‘One moment,’ he said.

I stood with the basket held out in front of me like a begging bowl as he typed on, his fingers rattling the keys at great speed. What was he going to say? Was he going to make an effort to be polite?

Maybe he would say something to make up for his rudeness.

Sorry if I sounded a bit brusque back then. I’m on a tight schedule. My editor wants this by yesterday.

I looked around the room as I waited, hoping for some clues into his character. Maybe a photograph, or some personal items. Everything was still extraordinarily tidy. It didn’t look as though anyone had slept in the bed. Perhaps he hadn’t; maybe he slept bolt upright in the wardrobe with his sweater hooked over a hanger? The waste paper basket was filled with tightly screwed-up bits of paper and on top of the chest of drawers there was a mobile phone on charge.

‘I can come back later if you prefer,’ I said.

He held up an index finger and then carried on typing. He was evidently on a roll and the words were flowing.

At last he stopped, poured some coffee out into his mug, and drank some while he scrolled back to check something. He made a sort of harrumph, annoyed noise on a couple of occasions and sipped his coffee. I stood there like a spare part fidgeting from one foot to the other. I cleared my throat to remind him I was still there, and he looked up at me.

‘I’ve told you, I eat at one-thirty,’ he replied at last.

I took a deep breath, ready to give him the benefit of my opinion, and then bit back my rising temper. He was the paying guest after all. He was perfectly entitled to his preferences. I shouldn’t be so dogmatic.

‘I’ll bring something in for you then,’ I said and left him to it.

I think I saw the sudden movement of his head as he looked up, but I didn’t wait to hear what he was going to say and I had the feeling I was being rude and unprofessional. I like looking after people; I like it when they are happy. Nothing seemed to be working with Oliver Forest.

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