Du hast früh gelernt, dich zusammenzureißen. Tränen? Lieber runterschlucken. Schwäche? Zeig sie nicht – könnte ausgenutzt werden. Du warst immer «die Vernünftige», «die Zuverlässige», «die, auf die man sich verlassen kann». Schon als Kind war da dieses leise Gefühl: Wenn ich es nicht mache, macht es niemand.

Und so hast du dich angestrengt. Immer ein bisschen mehr. Du wolltest nicht zur Last fallen. Hast Probleme gelöst, bevor sie jemand bemerkt hat. Hast dich um andere gekümmert, ihre Stimmungen gespürt, bevor sie überhaupt etwas gesagt haben. Du hast gelernt, stark zu sein. Nicht, weil du wolltest – sondern weil du musstest.

Vielleicht gab es niemanden, der dich wirklich aufgefangen hat. Vielleicht war da ein Elternteil, das selbst überfordert war. Oder eine Familie, in der Gefühle eher störten als willkommen waren. Und irgendwo auf diesem Weg bist du in eine Rolle geschlüpft, die zu eng geworden ist, ohne dass du es gemerkt hast.

Die Starke. Die mit dem Plan. Die, die immer «kann», immer «macht», immer «funktioniert».

Und ja, es hat dir auch Anerkennung gebracht. Respekt. Vielleicht sogar ein bisschen Stolz. Du bist unabhängig geworden. Stark. Belastbar. Du warst die, die in der Krise ruhig bleibt. Die Lösungen findet. Die das Chaos sortiert, während andere noch in der Schockstarre hängen.

Aber irgendwann hast du angefangen, dich selbst nicht mehr zu spüren. Du warst so damit beschäftigt, alles im Griff zu haben, dass du dich selbst vergessen hast. Deine Bedürfnisse. Deine Wünsche. Deine Grenzen. Du hast funktioniert – aber gelebt?

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«Ich will nicht mehr die Starke sein», Mareike W. benzeri kitaplar