Kitabı oku: «The Amish Marriage Bargain»
Will a baby girl bring them together at last?
She’ll do anything for her niece...
Even marry the man who broke her heart.
Nothing can keep May Bender in her Amish hometown—except caring for her baby niece. But the bishop insists that May also marry her widowed brother-in-law, Thad Hochstedler—the beau who jilted her to wed her sister. Can May risk her heart long enough to learn the real reason for Thad’s first marriage...and possibly rediscover their love?
MARIE E. BAST grew up on a farm in northern Illinois. In the solitude of country life, she often read or made up stories. She earned a BA, an MBA and an MA in general theology and enjoyed a career with the federal government, but characters kept whispering her name. She retired and now pursues her passion of full-time writing. Marie loves walking, golfing with her husband of twenty-seven years and baking. Visit Marie at mariebast.Blogspot.com.
Also By Marie E. Bast
The Amish Baker
The Amish Marriage Bargain
Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk.
The Amish Marriage Bargain
Marie E. Bast
www.millsandboon.co.uk
ISBN: 978-0-008-90071-7
THE AMISH MARRIAGE BARGAIN
© 2019 Marie Elizabeth Bast
Published in Great Britain 2019
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF
All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.
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“May, are you upset with me?”
“Why should there be something wrong?” she huffed.
“Why does your tone say differently?” Thad tried to search her eyes.
“Listen, Thad.” May’s voice lowered to a controlled tone. “You made a fool of me once before. You’re not going to do it again. I’m moving to Indiana. I suggest you have someone else care for Leah.”
He took a couple steps backward. “May, I’m not seeing anyone.”
She shook her head. “Your personal life is none of my business. I’ll watch Leah until you can find someone else. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She closed the kitchen door and that was that.
Stunned, Thad stared at the door. He carried Leah down the porch steps to the buggy and set her bassinet on the seat. It was his fault trying to rekindle their relationship. There would always be that doubt in May’s heart. He’d never be able to convince her that he did care for her. That he had always cared for her...
Dear Reader,
Like many small farmers in the Midwest, many Amish farmers are feeling the squeeze from their competitors, the large producers out west. Feeling the pinch, many small farmers have sold out and left the farm.
Thad Hochstetler is a young Amish farmer in Iowa, who banded together with other small Amish farmers to form a cooperative in order to compete and sell their milk to the big chain stores. After losing his wife shortly after childbirth, having a tornado rip through his farm, and the obligation on his mortgage, Thad is overwhelmed with debt.
May Bender’s dream had been to marry her beau, Thad Hochstetler, until it turns to dust when he jilted her and married her sister April. After April’s death, May helped care for their daughter, Leah, for a year. But with hard feelings still brewing, she decided it was time to move on with her life and relocate to Indiana. That is, until Thad offered her a marriage bargain. Now May is about to discover “that all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28).
I love to hear from readers. Tell me what you enjoyed, what inspired you, or your favorite character. Email me at Bast.Marie@yahoo.com, visit me at mariebast.blogspot.com and facebook.com/marie.bast, or mariebastauthor.com, or follow me on Twitter @mariebast1.
Blessings,
Marie E. Bast
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
—Matthew 6:15
To past and present dairy farmers in my life: my husband, Darrell; brothers Robert and Richard; and my extended family, Jesus Návar.
In loving memory of Michael, my brother, and Richard Walline, my father, who wisely raised me on a milking farm—one of the best times of my life. I love you both dearly and miss you.
To the Iowa Amish organic dairy farmers, and all farmers who work hard from sunrise to sunset and beyond.
Also, to Melissa, my superhero editor, who has a keen eye, a fierce red pen and spot-on guidance; the Harlequin publishing team (my white knights); and Scribes202: Laura H., Linda M., Linda H., Heidi, Christy, Kathy and Julie. I love you all.
And to Cyle Young, my agent, who gives subtle, awe-inspiring nuggets of advice.
Last, but certainly not least, Kayla Caudle, who mentioned she lived by a dairy farm...
Contents
Cover
Back Cover Text
About the Author
Booklist
Title Page
Copyright
Note to Readers
Introduction
Dear Reader
Bible Verse
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Epilogue
Extract
About the Publisher
Chapter One
Washington County, Iowa
May Bender had made her decision, but how could she possibly tell him?
Conjuring up the strength of a Goliath, she readied herself for battle. But first, she set dinner on the table, lifted her year-old niece, Leah, into her high chair and handed her a piece of bread smeared with jelly. Leah tilted her head and gifted aentie with a very toothy smile.
She was going to miss this little pumpkin. May wrestled a tear from her cheek with the tip of her finger.
Tucking that sad thought away, she eased onto the chair across the table from Thad and bowed her head for silent prayer. After the blessing, she took potatoes for her and Leah’s plate, then handed the bowl to Thad. His hand glided over hers as he grabbed the bowl. She jerked her hand back as a tingle shot up her arm.
Thad, toting a farmer’s appetite, loaded his plate and took a bite of pork chop. “Mmm, gut.”
The compliment stunned her. He didn’t often hand them out. In fact, they didn’t often talk much at all. “Danki, it was just a little seasoning. That reminds me, the door on the spice cupboard sticks and a couple of the others are swollen from humidity.”
Without raising his head, Thad nodded. “I’ll take care of them on the next rainy day.”
May took a slice of bread, buttered it and pushed a few crumbs off the table, watching them drop to the floor like pieces of her life. Her faith taught her to forgive, but how could she forget April and Thad’s betrayal when he sat across the table from her every day?
Leah picked up a few peas with her index finger and thumb. Dropping a couple, she managed to shove a few in her mouth, giggling at her achievement. She smacked her lips and handed her soggy bread to Aent May. “Mamm, Mamm, Mamm...”
“Oh, danki for sharing, but you can keep it, sweetie.”
Pushing her hand in her pocket, May touched the letter, to draw encouragement. “Thad, my aent in Indiana has offered me a job. She wants me to help run her café and bake shop in Shipshewana and take it over when she retires. Edna has given me three months to make up my mind.”
He took another bite of food but didn’t respond.
May didn’t need twelve weeks to think it over; she just needed to box up all her belongings and make the arrangements. It was time she moved. Time she got away from Thad Hochstetler, her brother-in-law. A man who had once courted May, then dumped her for her beautiful sister, April.
She raised her chin to face him. “You know you’ll need to hire a nanny?”
He took another bite of pork chop, then nodded.
May glared at him. Nineteen months ago, Thad had brought May home from singings, and April rode with his bruder Alvin. Her sister must have loved Alvin. They had both been baptized, joined the church and their banns were set to be read on the next Church Sunday. Six weeks after Alvin’s death from his buggy accident, April and Thad wed.
Thad cleared his throat. Deep lines creased his forehead just under a dark brown swatch of hair that had fallen forward. He raised his head and locked eyes with hers. His mouth twisted into a weak smile, the edges nervously twitching. “Would you...consider postponing your plan to move to Indiana? I hate to ask this, but I’d appreciate it if you would stay on a little while longer and watch Leah.”
“What?” A tear pressed at the corner of her eye. “You’re joking, right?”
“The farm’s income has declined by almost 35 percent this past year with the problem The Amish Dairy Association has been having with the USDA and its inspection agencies. Small farmers are losing money by the day trying to compete with the big dairy producers out west when they violate the organic rules and overproduce.” His voice quaked. “The inspection agencies have been lax in suspending violators and writing citations for fines. I can’t afford a full-time nanny right now with a mortgage, and Mamm’s arthritic hips won’t allow her to chase a one-year-old all day.”
May drew a deep breath, holding it deep in her chest before blowing it out. “The longer I postpone the move, the harder it will be on Leah.” And me.
“Look, May, I’m in dire straits here... I could lose the farm.”
Contempt for him boiled her blood. “You mean my mamm and daed’s farm that you inherited from my sister. It’s been in our family for 170 years.” She spit out the words as if they were wrapped with barbed wire.
“Small dairy farmers are being driven out of business all over the Midwest.” He let his gaze drop, then raised his eyes to meet her glare. “I’d really appreciate it if you could stay a while longer.”
May fisted her hands. Her world was tumbling, as if a spool of thread dropped to the floor, unraveling before her eyes.
She heaved a sigh but caught the look of pleading cross his face, then vanish in a heartbeat. “I’ll think about it.”
Thad nodded, scooted his chair away from the table, snatched his straw hat from the peg on the wall, plopped it on and headed outside.
May clutched her chest while pain arrowed through her. Why had she told him she’d think about it? She had thought about it, and the time was right to move.
She dropped her fork and covered her face with her hands. Nein. Nein. Nein.
April’s words whirled through her head. “I’m dying, sister. Promise me you’ll take care of Leah and Thad.”
“Nein, April, I can’t do that. Not after what Thad did...”
“I feel the life draining from me. You must do it, May, please! Forgive me. Thad and I never meant to hurt you. Things just happen.” April exhaled a long breath and closed her eyes. Her hand fell limp.
May steered her mind back to the present.
Why had she made that promise?
A blast of evening air squeezed through the screen in the door and circulated around the room, giving it a fresh scent. While Leah played on the floor with her blocks, May stowed her decision for now, washed the dishes and straightened the kitchen.
When Leah started to fuss and rub her eyes, May snatched her up and snuggled her close. “I won’t be able to do this much longer if I decide to go, little one.” She kissed Leah’s sweet little head when she laid it against her shoulder, almost falling asleep. “Nein, let’s get you bathed and settled in bed.”
After putting the child to sleep, May closed Leah’s door with Thad’s request still whirling in her head. How could she stay here? He was certainly insensitive to her need. Her fingers twitched with the impulse to start packing now. She’d never be able to sleep. Tiptoeing quietly down the hall, she headed to her sewing room.
Sewing always calmed her nerves.
She grabbed her basket of long strips of cloth she’d torn from old clothes and started sewing them together to make rag rugs. She finished connecting the last strips together, then glanced at the battery clock. Ach. Midnight. After tidying the sewing room, she trudged down the hall to her room and collapsed on her bed.
She rubbed her hand over her quilt. The softness of the cottton reminded her of Leah when she was born. Her sweet boppli softness, and even then, she was as lovely as April with dark blue eyes like Thad’s. She’d hated her sister for stealing Thad from her, but how could she stay angry when April was dead? She would have been so proud of her tochter.
Oh, April, you were so careless in caring for yourself and letting the diabetes get out of control, like it had with Mamm.
May pressed her hand over her eyes to blot out all the ugliness she’d silently heaped upon April.
Lord, please forgive me for my sins. It was sisterly rivalry, or maybe jealousy that I coveted what she had. April always got what she wanted, and I got her hand-me-downs. Thad had a right to choose, and he chose April. I can’t even tell her I’m sorry. Your scripture says I must forgive, but it’s hard to forget the trespass. Help me to learn.
A deep yawn coaxed her out of her shoes. She removed her prayer kapp, letting her long auburn hair cascade over her shoulders. After putting on her nightgown, she burrowed under the covers, drowsiness tugging at her eyes.
She loved Leah so much, but she couldn’t pass up the opportunity that Aent Edna offered. Could she? A once-in-a-lifetime offer?
Could she pass it up to help Thad? For the sake of the farm?
But Edna’s offer was a vote to move.
The next morning, sunshine poured in between the curtains and roused May from sleep. She glanced at the clock. Ach, 7:00 a.m. The thought of Thad waiting in the kitchen hungry pushed the cloudiness from her head. A gut Amish woman always saw to it that the men had a nourishing meal before they started their workday.
Although Daed assured May she could stay in the haus until she married, it was uncomfortable living with Thad. That was another vote in favor of moving.
She dressed and hurried downstairs. When she entered the kitchen, the aroma of strong coffee assaulted her nose. Thad stood over the stove, bacon in one pan and French toast in another. Her eyes roamed from the stove to Leah in her high chair, smiling as she ate scrambled eggs. She held her little hand out and offered May a gob of egg.
“Danki, lieb, but you eat it.” She turned to Thad. “I’m so sorry I overslept. I don’t know what got into me.” Something she never wanted to have to do...apologize to Thad Hochstetler.
He turned and swept his arm in the direction of the table. “Sit. Your breakfast awaits you, Miss Bender.”
He was being nice, too nice. Now what did he want?
Thad smiled. “I noticed you worked late in your sewing room. We’re a family and that means we help each other out. Occasionally, we forget to set our alarms. No harm done. Sit. Breakfast is ready.” He placed the platter on the table and sat.
After silent prayer, May dribbled syrup on her French toast and took a bite.
He scooted a slice onto his plate and ladled strawberries over top. “Mmm, your garden strawberries are gut. I picked them fresh this morning.”
May tossed him a she-could-hardly-believe-it stare.
A knock on the door pierced the silence, then the screen door popped open. Lois Plank, the midwife, and her son Elmer stepped in.
“Hullo. Come in and sit.” Thad motioned with his free hand.
“It smells gut in here.” Elmer stuck his nose in the air and took a couple of deep whiffs. “Only it’s a little late for breakfast.”
Lois raised a brow at Elmer’s nosy remark. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’ve come to give Leah her twelve-month checkup.”
“Of course!” May stood and pulled Leah out of her high chair. Lois followed May into the other room.
“How’s the cheese business, Elmer?” Thad leaned back in his chair and glanced at his guest. “Looks like you dashed over here right from your factory.”
Elmer brushed a hand down the front of his shirt. “Jah, Mamm doesn’t like to drive all over the township by herself when she makes her rounds.”
Thad listened to Elmer drone on, naming all the other homes they would visit today. When the women returned to the kitchen, May sat Leah in the middle of the floor with her toys.
“Lois, Elmer, would you like a cup of coffee?” May grabbed the pot off the stove and placed it on the hotplate as she sat. “Please sit.”
“Nein. I have other appointments. We need to get going.” Lois motioned for Elmer to head for the door, which he ignored.
Thad cut into another piece of French toast, put it in his mouth and watched Elmer scurry to May’s side, slipping into the chair next to hers.
Thad sniffed and breathed in a tangy whiff of cheese stuck to Elmer’s shirt. The smear of ripened cheddar from Elmer’s aging room seemed to mingle with his blue cheese spot. Thad stifled a smile. Elmer called himself a cheese artisan.
“How are you, May?” Elmer’s voice dripped with concern. He leaned toward May, put his arm around the back of her chair and pressed in closer. “I’ll stop by tomorrow.” He tossed Thad a better-not-try-to-stop-me look, quickly adding, “Thad, are you attending the meeting tonight over at the Millers’ dairy on the USDA’s organic standard?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” Thad glared at the cheesemaker. He wanted to tell Elmer to stay away from May, but she’d resent his interference.
Elmer leaned even closer to May. “I noticed your garden has a lot of beans ready to harvest, and you’ll probably want them for your vegetable stand. Why don’t I stop back later and help you pick them? It’ll be cooler this evening.”
“Danki, Elmer, but aren’t you going to the meeting?”
“I’ll go late. They chew over everything before they get down to business.” Elmer threw Thad a sly smile.
“Are you sure you don’t want a cup of coffee?” May started to stand.
Lois shook her head. “Danki, we need to go if we’re going to stick to our schedule. Elmer, it’s time.”
The screen door squeaked open and the distinctive shuffle that followed pulled Thad to his feet. “Gut mornin’, Mamm.” His cheeks burned as he caught a hint of judgment in her eyes.
“What’s going on in here?” Gretchen took a deep breath and looked around. “Are you still lollygagging over breakfast? You should be out in the field, jah?” She tossed a sour glance at Thad, then turned toward the table with a stern look. “May, you need to get up earlier and get the food on the table by five thirty. April never ran her haus like this. There are beans in the garden to be picked and canning that needs to be done.”
Elmer stood and gave a nod. “Gut mornin’, Gretchen. Nice to see you. I forgot you and Aaron were staying in Thad’s dawdi haus while the one on Jonah’s farm was being refurbished.”
“It’s nice to see you, too, Elmer. Lois, you checking on our Leah?”
“Indeed. She’s a sweet little thing and in gut health. No worry with her, Gretchen. May, don’t forget about the quilting frolic in three weeks.”
“Jah, it’s on my calendar.”
Elmer held the screen door for his mamm. “See you later, May.”
Thad pulled his hat from the peg on the wall and headed out the door with a sideways glance at May. She sent him a glare.
He’d hurt May when he’d tossed her aside for her sister. There was no way to apologize for that but his sharp-tongued mamm only made things worse. “Come on, Mamm, I’ll walk you out.”
In the evening, May and Leah sat on the porch and watched Thad disappear into the barn after he’d hitched Tidbit to the buggy. Twenty minutes passed. Her gaze swung from the barn door to Tidbit as he pawed the ground nervously, waiting to stretch his legs. Why was Thad taking so long getting ready to go to the dairy association meeting?
A buggy turned into the driveway, the wheels crunching over the rocks as she watched Elmer park it in front of the haus. He stepped down and waved as he walked toward her.
Elmer was handsome and his bronzed skin set off his sky blue eyes. He’d definitely be a gut catch for some woman, but not her. She only thought of him as a friend, and he deserved a frau that would liebe him.
Thad closed the barn door and stalked toward the haus, a grimace plastered on his face as he nodded to Elmer. Ah, now she understood why Thad had stalled after hitching Tidbit. Elmer.
When they were all kinner in school, Thad and Elmer had some kind of rivalry. It seemed like everything was a competition to them, horseback riding, swimming, but it was more than that. But she couldn’t quite tag it. If she didn’t know better, she’d think Thad was jealous. Nein, that couldn’t be. It was just their old silliness, like two small buwe.
A smile tugged at her lips as Elmer got closer. He had donned a clean blue chambray shirt and trousers. Gut. He had smelled like cheese curds earlier in the day.
Before Elmer reached the steps, Thad smacked the reins across Tidbit’s back, and the buggy shot off down the driveway toward the gate. May gripped her apron as she watched the speeding buggy. She relaxed as Tidbit slowed before he crossed the road.
“Gut evening, May. How are you this evening?”
“A bit tired.”
“Jah? I’ll stay only a little while.”
She faced Elmer, then glanced at the road after Thad. A twinge of sadness washed over her. She couldn’t believe that Thad might lose the farm. Her family’s farm. Daed and Mamm fought hard for years to keep the farm, to make the payments and to put food on the table every day. This land ran through her veins almost as much as her blood did. It was who she was. Even if she had to go door-to-door in town with a bucket of vegetables to make a sale, she’d do it.
Her heart pounded. That was a bad sign. Why was it that the mere sight of Thad made it hard for her to breathe? To walk in a straight line? And when his hand touched hers when she handed him the potato bowl, she nearly melted on the spot.
Jah, she either had to hide her heart or convince the angel Gabriel to protect it, or Thad would steal it away. Nein, not again! She didn’t know what was worse...losing the farm or losing her heart.
But could she risk sticking around to find out?
Chapter Two
The next morning, Thad ran his hands through his hair as he entered the kitchen. “Mmm, sausage and eggs smell gut.”
“Thought it was my turn to treat you to breakfast this morning,” she turned and faced him. “How’d the dairy association meeting go last night?”
He pulled a chair away from the kitchen table and plopped down. “It doesn’t look like the USDA is in any big hurry to make changes. That means that many farmers are going to have to sell organic for the regular milk price. We’ll lose money, about 33 percent, by doing that, but it can’t be helped.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I know how hard you work.”
“Jah, well, times are changing.”
“Maybe you could sell the cows and put in all produce?”
“The reason why we diversify is because a storm could wipe out the whole crop. This way we still have milk money to fall back on. The president of the association called the newspaper and a reporter showed up. He was going to put a story in the paper. Maybe the Englisch politicians will take notice. I’m praying for that.”
May flashed him a hopeful smile.
“How’s Leah? When I’m outside, I don’t see her much.She’s not up yet?”
“She was up earlier playing and had her breakfast. Now she’s napping. We were outside all yesterday afternoon. She missed her nap, and went to bed early. It threw her off schedule.”
“How is your vegetable stand doing?”
“It’s doing very well. Lots of Englisch stop by the roadside stand wanting to buy fresh produce.”
“Ah, gut. At least there is something we grow that the consumers like to buy.”
They hadn’t talked this much since they’d courted. Yet, if he was going to persuade her to stay, they’d need to be getting along a whole lot better. She set the breakfast on the table and sat opposite Thad. After the blessing, she poured his coffee and dished up her plate.
She only tolerated him, but in all fairness, he had dumped her and married her sister. He truly regretted that.
They both wanted the farm to succeed. And he sure hoped her liebe for it and Leah made her come to the right conclusion. But he needed to know where he stood with May.
A flash of fear tugged at his gut as he aimed his gaze across the table. “Have you made a decision yet about leaving Iowa?”
She raised her head and he could read the surprise on her face.
The words popped out before he could bite them back. He knew he shouldn’t rush her. She needed time. He’d only push her into making a hasty decision. That probably wouldn’t be in his favor.
“Nein. I’m taking my time—a move to Indiana is final. It’s a big decision, and I want to get it right.”
A sigh whooshed out before he could stop it. That meant he still had time to sway her decision.
But how could he convince her to stay?
May lugged the baskets of tomatoes and bins of green beans and peapods to her roadside stand she had put at the end of the driveway by the white fence. She arranged the quart-size cartons of strawberries in rows, then sat the plastic bags and cash box on the opposite end of the table.
She blotted her forehead with her hand as she glanced at the blanket on the ground where Leah sat playing. Her pumpkin was the only sweetness in her life. For sure and for certain, she was going to miss that little bit of sugar if she headed to Indiana. She’d told Thad she hadn’t made a decision, but in truth, it was for the best that she moved. But she needed to consider it from all angles.
Someday Thad would want to remarry, and that would make it uncomfortable for her. Edna’s offer was only for a short while, and she needed to take advantage of her generosity.
A warm breeze danced across her face, drying the perspiration on her forehead. She turned in that direction, stood for a minute and fully enjoyed the blessing.
It reminded her of the times she and April had sat under a tree one summer and talked about buwe. Who was the cutest, which one had the best personality, and who owned the broadest shoulders? Thad and Alvin tied for the win in all categories. A few pangs of homesickness stirred in her, knowing these would be her last few weeks on the land if she decided to move.
May glanced toward the barn where Thad stood looking her way. It was hard even imagining losing the family’s farm.
She finished arranging her vegetable stand, then took a step back and glanced at the display in front of the white fence. Perfect.
She’d miss her garden and the stand, but surely Aent Edna had a patch behind her café and bake shop.
She picked up Leah and the blanket she was sitting and crawling on. Leah smiled so sweetly that it stole May’s heart as she swung the tyke around. Leah giggled while little wisps of taffy-colored hair bounced around her cherub face. “Mamm, more!”
“Nein, it’s time for your nap, little one.”
“Mamm,” Leah laughed.
May reached the porch and laid the blanket on a chair. She turned when she heard wheels rumbling into the drive.
Bishop Yoder climbed out of his buggy and walked a few steps in her direction. “Gut afternoon, May. Another hot July day, jah? Is Thad around?”
“I believe he’s in the shed boxing vegetables, Bishop. Would you like a glass of lemonade?”
He looked toward the shed, then back at May. “That does sound gut. Just a small one.”
He followed her into the kitchen and plunked down on a chair waving his hat across his face.
“Would you rather sit on the porch?”
“Nein. This is fine.”
She sat Leah on the floor by her toys, cut a piece of banana bread, poured a glass of lemonade and set them in front of him.
He took a bite of bread, then washed it down with the cold drink. “Mmm, they are both gut.”
“I’m just going to put Leah down for a nap, but I’ll be right back.”
She laid Leah in her downstairs crib and returned to the kitchen.
She poured herself a glass of lemonade and joined the bishop at the table. “It’s a hot day for visiting.”
“Indeed. Tell me, May, does Thad work the farm every day, and do you cook his meals?”
A chill ran up her back. “Jah.”
“How’s this situation working out for you?” He took another sip and waited for her reply.
“I’m not sure I understand the question, Bishop.” She rubbed her finger down the glass through the condensation.
“Jah, he jilted you years ago, is that right? So is it uncomfortable for you to live here? Together?”
“This is my family farm that Thad inherited from April, but Daed said I could stay here until I married.”
“But he’s here all day.” The bishop gestured with his hand to the outside.
“He lets me stay, so I watch Leah and cook the meals. That’s all. Otherwise, I see very little of him during the day.”
The bishop finished his refreshment, pushed his chair back and gave May a nod. “See you on Sunday.”
She froze in her chair, and waited until his footfalls left the porch. She looked out the window. What was that all about? Why was he asking such questions?
May sipped her lemonade, sat the glass down and dried her hand on her apron. No doubt, she wouldn’t like the answers to those questions.
Thad took off his straw hat, slapped it against his leg to shake the dust and soil off, and plunked it back on his head. He watched the youngies he’d hired to pick vegetables leave for the day, then he sealed the cartons of tomatoes, beans and peas going to market.
It was a hot day, but at least it hadn’t rained. He’d prayed for a sunny day, and Gott had answered. He sighed as his mind drifted to May.
They had started getting along, putting the past behind them. At least he hoped so. Their conversations seemed more relaxed, and she was at least still considering staying. Maybe her hesitation to make a decision about moving was due to the thought of leaving Leah.
The shed door squeaked open and pulled his attention to footfalls approaching. He tried to hold back a smile. Jah, May was coming out to talk. He peered over his shoulder, then jerked around in surprise as he saw the bishop approaching. “Bishop Yoder, hullo.”
“Hullo, Thad. I was visiting with May. She made some delicious banana bread and lemonade. Did you have some?”
“Ah, no, not yet, probably for supper. What brings you out here today?”
“An elder brought it to my attention that you and May were still living together.”
Thad’s back stiffened. “Nein, we aren’t living together. I inherited her family’s farm, and my parents are staying in the dawdi haus. Why bring this up now? April has been dead a year.”
“Exactly, your year of mourning is over and now it is not acceptable. So you live in the dawdi haus with them?”
“I still sleep in the same bedroom that April and I shared.”
The bishop kicked at a few peas that had landed on the floor before aiming his gaze at Thad. “To others in our district, they think this is not a gut arrangement. You are here all day and all night unchaperoned in the same haus. I heard that she was moving to Shipshewana to live with an aent?”
“Jah, that’s what she said, but I think she is having a hard time leaving Leah.”
“Is it just Leah that she is having the hard time leaving?”
Thad took a step back and clenched his teeth, then released. “I’m not sure I understand what you are talking about, Bishop.”
“You courted May before you married her sister, jah?” The bishop’s tone was the one he used for preaching.
“What are you saying, Bishop?” A rigidness seized Thad’s shoulders.
“It’s time May was married.”
Thad felt the blood drain from his face.
The bishop walked to the door, then glanced back over his shoulder. “You need to think seriously about how this living arrangement looks to others. It cannot be allowed to go on much longer.” The bishop walked out, letting the barn door bang closed.
Thad stared after him and scrubbed his hands over his face. Why, Gott, why have You done this? I was hoping May would decide to stay but this...this will drive her away. And if the bishop finds out Elmer is always hanging around, he’ll try to matchmake them. I had hoped to win her back.
The next morning, Thad’s gut clenched when he saw Elmer’s buggy pulling into the drive. What did he want? But he already knew. May.
Perhaps the bishop had sent Elmer out here to see May. Thad settled his feet like a bulldog with his paws planted squarely in the center of the walkway.
“Gut morgen, Thad.” Elmer smiled as he approached.
Thad nodded. “Elmer. What brings you out this way?”
“Come to help May in her garden and visit with her a while.”
Thad shot Elmer a cold stare, stepped off the walkway and stalked across the barnyard, the dust flying off the heels of his boots. He grabbed his toolbox off the shed’s workbench and headed back to the haus.
He shook his head and tried to clear May out of his brain. She had a right to a life of her own but all he could see were her smoky-gray eyes staring at Elmer. Those same eyes made his heart swell until he could hardly breathe. Her hair and skin smelled like strawberry blossoms on a sunny June day.
He took the porch steps two at a time, stopped and caught his breath before entering the kitchen. Bumping the screen door open with his hip, he maneuvered his toolbox through the doorway and set it on the floor, letting the door bang closed.
May and Elmer turned and scowled at his abrupt entrance. He looked up and locked on to her eyes, then let his gaze drop to her peaches-and-cream cheeks.
“What are you doing, Thad?” She squared her shoulders and lifted a brow. “Forget something?”
“Nein. I just remembered you wanted the doors fixed. Since Elmer was here, I thought it would be the perfect time to take off the swollen cupboard doors and fix them. Leah’s door also sticks from the humidity. It squeaked when I opened it. We can take it off the hinges and plane a couple of spots to make it level. Since Elmer has two gut hands, I figured he’d want to help.” Thad felt his face trying to smile but he controlled the urge.
Elmer pursed his lips and tossed Thad a displeased stare. “Jah, okay. Let’s get to it so I’ll have a few minutes to visit with May.”
“We’ll start with the kitchen doors.” Thad’s instincts kicked in and told him he was in trouble, but he wasn’t going to let Elmer have the upper hand before he tried to work things out with May.
He felt Elmer’s glare as they finished up in the kitchen. Of course, he forgot a couple of tools and had to go to the shed twice. Thad nodded toward the stairway that led to the second floor and to Leah’s room, but as he did, the glare in May’s eyes and her furrowed brow signaled he’d upset her plans for a nice afternoon with Elmer.
Gut. A pang of uneasiness settled in his stomach. May deserved a nice man to court her, and Elmer was a gut-hearted man with many skills that kept him in demand, like his cheese business. But Elmer was also a stern man who worked his employees hard and no doubt would demand his frau do the same.
As Thad picked up his toolbox, he shot another glance in May’s direction. A rosy blush tinged her cheeks like a January wind had just whirled through the room. She held her back straight as a yardstick and stared him down. He’d made his choice, married April, and now he should step aside and let May find happiness.
But he just couldn’t. After speaking to the bishop, he wanted one more chance. With May.
Jah, he had no right disrupting her time with Elmer. Regret crept up his back but a smile curved his lips as he turned to head upstairs.
He had tossed May aside to marry April, now he was trying to prevent her from courting Elmer. What was wrong with him? Why did he keep hurting her? She was a wunderbaar woman any man would be proud to have as his frau.
Guilt pushed out a frustrated sigh, and his insides warred. He needed to back away and let May have her chance at happiness. Elmer needed his chance at winning May’s heart. Thad owed her that, but why did it feel like a pitchfork was stabbing his heart?
May fumed under her breath as the men tromped up the stairs. She heard banging and pounding, feet shuffling around the wood flooring and a loud clink when the door hinge pin slid back into place.
When they came back downstairs, Elmer let out a loud sigh as he sat in the chair next to hers. Thad stomped toward the door, his toolbox clanging with tools shifting around as he gave her a nod. Her cheeks burned hot enough they could fry an egg.
“Job is done,” Thad announced as he clomped out the door and down the porch steps.
May turned to Elmer. “I’m sorry you got roped into helping him.”
“Nein, I wanted to help. Your cupboards are all fixed. I wouldn’t want a loose door to swing open and bump your head when you weren’t looking.” He smiled like a bu who had just received a dollar to buy some candy.
“My cheese factory is doing very well.” He glanced at May. “The artisanal cheese is a big seller. It’s fancy cheese for the Englisch, they liebe it with crackers. The cheddar with bacon bits is my most popular seller. My shop is even in the Iowa Cheese Club and on the Iowa Cheese Roundup.” He cleared his throat. “I’m building a haus and will be well established enough to marry soon.”
The twinkle in his eye warned May he wasn’t here just as her friend. She dropped her gaze as his hand started inching closer to hers. She jumped up, twisting her foot but stifled the yelp. “I’ll make some coffee and we’ll have a cookie. I made them the other day. Snickerdoodles.”
“That’s okay, May. Don’t go to any trouble. Please, sit and talk.”
“Nein. You deserve a little refreshment after driving all the way here and then helping Thad.” She hurried to make a small pot of coffee, and in the meantime, set a plate of cookies on the table. When the coffee was ready, she poured two cups, set them on the table and collapsed on the chair.
“You seem tired, May.”
“Jah, I am.” When they finished their coffee, she stood and walked him to the porch. As she waved goodbye, a movement caught her eye and she turned toward the dawdi haus.
Gretchen was watching them from her flower garden.
It was for the best that he went home. She needed time to think of a way to tell Elmer she didn’t liebe him and didn’t want to marry him.
And she needed time to think of an answer for Thad...and what was best for the rest of her life.
Chapter Three
Thad helped his youngies stack the vegetable boxes of tomatoes, carrots and bush beans onto the truck bound for Des Moines. This load would complete the contract he had with a local market chain. He heaved the last box up into the waiting hands of the Vickerson Transport Company man inside the truck, stacking and securing the boxes. Done.
The truck driver handed Thad the clipboard with the receipt. He reviewed it, signed it, took his copy and handed it back. It was 6:30 a.m. when the truck pulled away.
Thad pulled a hanky from his pocket and wiped his brow as he watched the truck pull out of the drive. “Ethan Lapp, you and Carl Ropp head to the barn and start milking, it’s getting late. The rest of you are on cleanup, follow me.”
While Thad supervised, the buwe cleaned the packaging room of vegetable scraps, foam pieces and boxing debris, then he had them scrub the area and store the unused cartons back on the shelves. When they completed the task, he had them disinfect the milking room when Ethan and Carl had finished with the last cow. After lunch, they spent the rest of the day weeding the north forty acres. At four o’clock, he gathered the three summer hires for a short meeting. “Danki for all your help, you work hard and did a gut job today. You can come back on Friday morning for your pay. If you don’t make it, I’ll drop your check in the mail.”
Daniel, the newest of his summer hires, stepped forward while the other two walked away. “Danki, Mr. Hochstetler. If you need help with anything else, give a shout.”
Thad patted him on the back. “Danki. I’ll do that.”
As the buwe stood by their buggies talking, Thad overheard a few discussions of what they were going to do with their money. He chuckled. Most planned to save it. However, a few sounded like they were going to fix up their buggies to attract a pretty mädel.
Rumbling wheels on the drive pulled his attention from the buwe to his daed’s buggy heading straight toward him. Daed parked under the shade of the oak tree and stepped down. He walked toward Thad with an uneasy look on his face.
“Something wrong, Daed?”
The older man took a couple of purposeful strides closer. “The bishop stopped to chat with me in town.” He kicked a stone with his foot as he stopped abruptly. “He said the elders didn’t like you and May living in sin together. Your year of mourning is over. What was allowed before, won’t be tolerated now.”
Thad’s jaw dropped. “That’s not true.”
Daed held up his hand. “Stop right there. Whether you are or not, it goes by appearance and what’s decent. You’re out here on the farm with May inside the haus. You wander in and out all day and spend the evenings together.”
“Who said that?” Thad’s back bolted up straight.
“Is it true or not?”
“Jah, but it’s my haus and May lives here, too. It was her daed’s farm, but you know all that.”
“You must marry May, or she must move out. I know what her papa said about her staying in the haus, but no doubt, he would thank me for looking out for her reputation. I worry that no nice bu will want to marry her.”
Thad stepped back so fast he almost fell. His hands and face turned cold as his blood drained to his feet. His throat tightened so he could barely speak. “Who...is spreading rumors?”
“The bishop said that several elders have mentioned it to him. Not just that, but he doesn’t want the Englisch neighbors to think that we condone living in sin. Not my words, his.” Daed’s voice turned sullen. “Did you tell May that the bishop paid you a visit?”
“She knows he was here, but we never talked about what he said.” Thad’s gaze dropped to the grass. His mind whirled. He didn’t want to lose May when they were just starting to get along. This would humiliate her, and for sure and for certain she’d move the three hundred miles to Aent Edna’s.
Thad rubbed a hand over his heart. It felt as though a hundred stampeding Holsteins had trampled on his chest. Gott, how do I make May understand? We need to get married—and fast. When I tell her, please ease her pain and confusion.
He paced the ground, then faced his daed. “How much time did the bishop say we could have to think about this situation?”
Daed hooked his thumbs under his suspenders and locked eyes with Thad. “She has to be told today. Either she moves out in the next couple of days, or you marry.” He gave Thad an easy pat on the shoulder. “She’s a fine woman and would make Leah a gut mamm. Do what’s right, Thad.” He nodded and headed back to his buggy.
Thad wandered to the bench he’d made a year ago and sat in the front yard. He stared at his daed’s buggy kicking up dirt and sticks as it sped across the barnyard to the dawdi haus. The dust swirled in the wind, then disappeared like May would probably do when he told her about the gossip.
He kicked at the grass underfoot. He could give May back the farm, and she could pay someone to run it. The outcome would no doubt be the same. Someone would gossip about her and that man. Then the bishop would make her marry him.
They were getting along better. Maybe she’d consider a proposal. Nein, what was he thinking? She had told him once she hated her sister’s secondhand clothes. She’d never want her secondhand husband.
He stood and walked around the haus toward the porch while a million reasons why their marriage was a bad idea bombarded his senses. Was it possible one of the buwe who worked for him was gossiping about him and May and his daed just didn’t tell him?
He reached the porch steps and halted, one foot still in mid-air, then he slowly lowered it to the step. He tried to budge the other foot from the ground, but it felt as if glue clung to the sole of his shoe making the task difficult. Finally, one step after the other, he reached the top, knocked on the kitchen door and entered.
May glanced his way, then finished taking Mason jars from the processing kettle. She checked the Kerr lids and set the jars to cool. She pushed the previous cooled jars to the back of the counter out of the way. She wiped her hands on a towel and turned from the sink. “Why did you knock, Thad? Did you want me to come out and help with something?”
“Nein, we need to talk.”
“Let me dish up the food and we can talk during dinner. Leah’s napping so it gives us a few minutes.” May set the bowl of boiled potatoes next to the meatballs, sauerkraut, green beans and cinnamon bread already on the table. She pulled her chair from the table, letting the legs scrape against the wood flooring, then sat. They bowed their heads for silent prayer.
Thad rubbed his hands across his trousers. “It was a warm one today.” His voice shook on the last word. Lord, please help me say what I must. After taking a bite, he took his napkin and blotted his mouth. “Mmm. This is delicious, but then your cooking is always gut.”
The hot food and warm kitchen teamed to coat his brow in perspiration. He swallowed hard, laid his fork down, took a deep breath, and told May about the bishop’s visit the other day and the bishop’s conversation with his daed today.
Her face went blank and her smoky-gray eyes turned stormy black.
“May, I adore you. I cared for you, nein, I loved you in a way when we courted, and I think you cared for me, too. We can get that back if we work at it. I’d like you to marry me. But if the answer is nein...then you’ll have to move out of the haus.”
His words speared May in the heart. “Who is gossiping about us?”
“If the bishop told Daed, he never told me.” Thad lowered his gaze. “I must say, you’re not as surprised as I thought you’d be.” He raised his chin to face her again.
“Your daed never indicated who complained, or maybe named a neighbor?” Her eyes locked with his.
“Nein. It might be one of the buwe that work on the farm. Maybe they told the bishop, or their folks, that I walk in and out of the haus whenever I please without knocking or something like that. Did they ever stop to think, it is my haus, and you are only the...nanny?”
May’s heart nearly stopped. Only the nanny?
“Look, May, I care about you, and I owe it to April to take care of you. We can get married and all will be well. What do you say?”
May stared at him in utter disbelief.
Leah let out a cry from her crib in the other room. She hurried and picked her up, changed her and snuggled her close as a tear threatened but May batted it away. How was she going to survive without seeing this sweet little girl?
She carried Leah to the kitchen, and set her down in the high chair. “I’ll get her food ready so we can talk.” She got her food and set her plate and cup on her tray.
“Okay, where were we?”
“May, you didn’t answer my question.”
She swallowed hard and looked Thad in the eye. “Before April died, she asked me to take care of her boppli. I stayed here to do just that, instead of going to Indiana, where Mamm’s family lives. Now I’m repaid by my friends and neighbors gossiping about me?”
“I—I’m sure it’s not like that...” Thad stuttered.
“Nein, apparently it is.” A knot tightened in the pit of her stomach. “I appreciate your offer of marriage, Thad, but that would keep you from marrying someone you loved.”
“Nein. I did not say it right before. I liebe you and want to marry you. We could make it work, May. If I hadn’t married April, we might have...” He stopped.
Her cheek twitched and heat rushed up her neck and burned all the way to her ears. She was sure her eyes shot lightning bolts.
In the silence, the ticking of the kitchen clock pulsed like the heartbeat of the haus.
Her life had just changed in a few seconds. The haus, the farm, Leah... Thad had everything. She had nothing once again. At least he’d given her a place to stay, for a little while anyway. Now, Gott had taken that away, too, but He stretched out two roads before her and she must choose.
“Thaddaeus Thomas Hochstetler. What’s going on? You should be in the field.”
May jerked around at the same time Thad did to see Gretchen with her hands perched on her hips.
“Mamm, people are gossiping about us living together, and we are discussing whether to marry or not.”
“You want to marry May? Nein. She’s nothing like her sister.” Gretchen huffed and glanced at the dozen jars of canned string beans on the counter, then her gaze dropped to the bucket sitting on the floor still full of beans to be canned. “April worked twice as fast as her.”
A flash of heat stormed through May’s body as she listened to Gretchen berate her. Ha, three votes against staying: Edna’s offer was one, her discomfort around Thad was two, and now Gretchen’s unkind words.
Thad grabbed his mamm’s arm and escorted her out of the haus. When he stomped back into the kitchen, his face was as pale as a whitewashed fence.
“I have a lot to think about, Thad. Can you look after Leah for a little while?”
He nodded. “I’m sorry about all this, May.”
Before she reached the stairs, Leah started to cry. She stopped and glanced at Thad. “You sure you’re okay with her?”
“Jah, we’re gut.”
Before May reached the stairs, Leah was crying. This was a gut test for Thad to see how he handled his tochter on his own.
May closed her bedroom door and collapsed on the bed. She didn’t want to marry Thad. She didn’t love him. She could barely talk to him.
But she loved Leah and that little mädel loved her like a mama. She could sell her rag rugs to help Thad and she could bake bread, rolls, pies and cookies and sell them at her roadside stand.
But the whole idea was just crazy. She and Thad didn’t liebe each other, not anymore, if they ever did.
She could hear Leah crying downstairs, then the sniffling grew closer, and closer and stopped. A tap sounded on her door.
She hesitated, then opened it. “Janie, what are you doing here?”
“That’s a nice greeting for a friend. I hadn’t seen you for a while so thought I’d stop by on my way to town. Mamm keeps me busy canning, but I wanted to see you. Thad said you were up here doing some thinking. He couldn’t quiet this one’s crying.” Janie gave Leah a squeeze.
Leah sniffled and held her arms out to May, sobs rocking her little shoulders while her nose ran. When Janie handed her over, Leah almost jumped into May’s arms.
May enveloped her in a hug, then wiped the tears and her nose. Leah laid her head on May’s shoulder with her arm stretched around her neck. “Shh. Everything will be okay.”
May pointed toward the bed and her friend sat. She confided her dilemma and watched Janie gasp with each new piece of information.
“What are you going to do? If you ask me, I think you should give Thad a second chance,” Janie whispered. “I think he’s cute, and I’ve always liked him. Plus, he’s tall with a muscular back and strong arms. Now, what mädel could resist that?”
“You’re guy crazy.” May lifted a brow. “I believe I have two choices—marry Thad or move to Shipshewana, where I would probably never see Leah again. And right now, she is the only joy in my life.”
“The decision to marry is for life. Amish don’t get divorced. I know you realize that, but I just wanted to remind you. Oh, here’s another idea. If they have a lot of gut-looking guys in Indiana, send me a letter, and I’ll move out there with you.” Janie chuckled.
May rolled her eyes at her sweet and funny friend. “Again, you’re guy crazy. The scary thing is, I’ve never been to Shipshewana, and I have no idea if I will like Indiana.”
“You know you could always come back later, if you weren’t happy there. I’ll pray for you, May, but here is something else to consider. Your sister, Sadie, is pregnant with twins. I heard she was looking for a mother’s helper, so you could go live with her. She’ll soon have five kinner all under the age of five. Oh, but you’ll have to share a room with Sadie’s oldest, your niece Isabelle. What do you say? Think about it. I’m sure Sadie would liebe to see you come and stay.”
May laughed. “I’m glad you stopped by. You certainly cheered me up.” She gave Janie a one-armed hug.
“If you move, can I have Thad?” Janie’s eyes widened almost as much as her smile.
May ignored the question. “If I go to Aent Edna’s, I’ll be working in a bakery for the rest of my life. That is, unless I find someone in Indiana to marry. Or I could stay here with this little bundle of joy that I liebe like a heartbeat.” She gave Leah a jiggle up and down and listened to her musical giggle. “No more tears when you’re with aentie, huh? I’ve prayed, but Gott has been silent so far.”
“Jah, He might want you to search your heart, May, or He might want to see if you’ll reason it out and make a practical decision. Here’s another offer—come and live with us. Mamm would liebe another pair of hands to help out around the haus.”
Footsteps echoed in the hall followed by a knock on the door. “May? I need to talk to you for a second.” Thad’s voice cracked.
Janie put a hand on May’s shoulder. “I need to go, but if you want to talk later, stop by the haus. I’ll see you on Church Sunday.”
May opened the door and her friend slipped out, waving as she flew down the hallway. “Sorry, Thad, you’re probably starved since our lunch got spoiled with talking. I can warm lunch back up.”
“Nein, that’s not why I’m here. The bishop is downstairs waiting to see you.”
May’s heart dropped to her stomach. “What?”
“Jah, I’ll just take Leah and walk over to the dawdi haus. Give you some privacy.”
May made her way downstairs and into the kitchen. The bishop sat at the kitchen table but nodded when she entered.
“Hullo, May. I’d like a minute of your time, if you’re not too busy.” The bishop casually sipped a mug of coffee that smelled as if Thad had warmed the leftover brew from lunch.
“Bishop, what can I do for you?” She sat, rested her elbows on the table and clasped her hands.
He shot her a stern look. “I drove out to see which day next week I should clear in my schedule for your wedding.”
Chapter Four
Thad’s heart felt stretched, as if he wore it on the soles of his shoes and he was walking on it. If May decided to move to Indiana, what would he do without her? He and Leah would both miss her.
May loved Leah and he hoped enough to stay and marry him. If they married, he’d shower her with so much happiness, she’d have no choice but to fall in liebe with him again.
But if May ever found out the real reason why he married April, she would hate him.
A lump rose in his throat. What if May decided to move away, and he never saw her again? She was the only woman he wanted.
He glanced at the clock. One hour past the last time he looked. What was the bishop saying that it was taking so long?
Ethan entered the barn, letting the door bang as he walked toward Thad. “I’ll start the evening milking, Mr. Hochstetler.”
Thad nodded. “Gut. I’ll help, and you can follow me.” Jah, he needed to concentrate on something to keep his mind off May. He applied the iodine mixture to the cows’ udders while Ethan followed along behind with the alcohol wipe. Ethan was a gut bu and a hard worker. Thad appreciated the loyalty the young man gave him.
He finished his barn chores, stepped out of the barn and noticed the bishop’s buggy still parked in his drive. He heaved a long sigh. It was not a gut sign that the bishop was still talking to May. That could only mean one thing—May said no and the bishop was trying to talk her into marrying him.
When the screen door banged closed, Thad gave a grunt and walked toward the bishop’s buggy. His heart pounded like a blacksmith’s hammer with every step.
The bishop met him at his buggy wearing a long face. Then he smiled at Thad. “Jah, she will marry you in two weeks. Since you have been married before, and her mamm and daed have passed away, she wants just a small gathering instead of inviting the whole community. Until then, you will sleep in the dawdi haus. I’ll read the banns on Sunday.”
After the bishop left, he felt numb. This seemed too gut to be true. He inched his way to the haus, pulled the screen door open, entered the kitchen and stopped cold. May was standing at the sink, her back toward him. He gawked at her, unsure what to say. Should he wait for her to speak first? His gut clenched as he pulled a chair away from the table and sat.
Though it was summer outside, a coolness filled the distance between them. Was she going to back out?
Had she truly forgiven him?
The minute she turned from the sink, his heart raced, and his tongue felt like a piece of toast. He stood up, his knees shaking, when she approached the table.
“Hullo.”
He nodded and smiled.
May motioned for him to sit. She sat across from him, laid her hands in her lap and straightened her back. “Were you surprised to hear the news from the bishop?”
“Jah, but gut surprised.” He dropped his gaze to his hands folded on the table and studied them. Each callus, each skinned knuckle and each chipped nail had a story. He raised his eyes to hers. “I have just one question. Your answer won’t stop the wedding, but I want to know...are you marrying me because you have forgiven me, or because you liebe Leah too much to leave her?” He held his breath for a second before blowing it out.
May glanced at the window, then returned her gaze to him. Her demeanor seemed more businesslike than happy that she’d just accepted a marriage proposal.
His pulse quickened. Something wasn’t right. Had the bishop threatened a shunning or something if she didn’t marry him?
He bit his lip and braced for the worst.
Silence stretched across the room. All he could hear was the pounding of his heart. It just occurred to him...he might not like what she was going to say.
Dampness beaded his brow.
May’s heart nearly stuttered to a stop. “Thad...” She kept her gaze on her hands, then lifted her eyes to meet his. “I’m not going to lie to you or pretend this is something that it’s not. I’ll tell you the truth, and if you want to call off the wedding afterward, that’s fine. I’ll understand and move to Indiana.”
He shifted in his chair, and she noticed the moisture dotting his forehead. Maybe she should have made this easy and bought a train ticket to Shipshewana.
“Listen, Thad. April asked me to take care of you and Leah, but she didn’t tell me to marry you. Two things are keeping me in Iowa. I want to be the one to raise Leah, and I want to help you save the farm.”
She peered into his face, then glanced away. He looked shocked. “Not quite what you wanted to hear?”
“I’m listening.”
“Scripture tells us we must forgive or Gott will not forgive us. It’s hard, but if He said I must, then I will... I have. Yet at times, like when I look at Leah and see your features, it floods back into my memory that you tossed me aside for April.” Her voice quaked.
“May.” Thad started to speak, but she held up a hand.
“You said you loved me. I’m not sure about that, but maybe so. We were always the best of friends. Back then, did we even know what liebe was? But if you had truly loved me, you wouldn’t have married my sister. You’d have married me.”
Discomfort lined his face.
“I’ll try to make you a gut frau. It might take some time, but maybe after a while, I’ll be able to put the past behind us and move on. But I can’t promise that on some days it won’t surface. If this doesn’t work for you, I’ll leave tomorrow.”
“Nein, I want you for my frau, and I will do everything in my power to make you forget the past.” He unclasped his hands on the table and reached his right hand across to her. She slowly put her hand in his. He clasped his fingers around hers and squeezed, then she squeezed. “The bargain is sealed.”
Her cheeks burned and her heart nearly stuttered to a stop.
“We’ll be married in two weeks and have the service here on the farm.” His eyes held hers captive for several seconds before letting go.
He pulled his hand slowly away from hers as he stood, and a lonely feeling gripped her as he walked away.
She brought her hand to her face, curled her fingers and braced the knuckles against her chin as her elbow rested on the table. May took a deep breath and could smell the lingering scent of soiled straw.
The next day, May called her sister, aents and close friends to tell them her big news. Sadie insisted everyone come to her farm for the planning.
The following day dawned with a brilliant sun to chase away her cloudy mood. Fear started to shimmy up her spine. Had she made the right decision? She could still buy a train ticket. Nein, she shook his hand. She’d made a bargain.
She forced those thoughts from her head and hitched Gumdrop, her favorite horse, to her buggy and headed to her sister Sadie’s farm to plan the wedding. The clip-clop of Gumdrop’s hooves had a calming effect. She watched the yards of daffodils and roses go by, the birds sitting on the fence chirping take flight, and the occasional motor vehicle zip past.
She guided Gumdrop up the drive and passed the toolshed. John, Sadie’s ehemann, greeted her with a wave. “Mornin’.”
“Hullo, May. Congratulations. Sadie is excited and started planning without you so you better hurry on in.”
“Danki, John. That’s what big sisters are for.” She laughed as she ran to the haus.
Sadie flung open the door. “Ach, May, I can’t believe you and Thad are getting married. I had no idea you two were back together. That’s so wunderbaar.”
Her aents and cousins from her daed’s side were there and took over the planning while May worked on her wedding dress. It would have been nice if Aent Edna could have made it, and her other relatives from Indiana, but it was too short notice to make travel plans. And some of her cousins didn’t have the extra money for such things.
She held up her dress. It was the same material as her Sunday dress, only this one was in her favorite shade of blue. A sense of hope seemed to cling to the cloth as she laid it down and ran her hand down the bodice. A string of emotions wheezed through her one right after the other. Regret, turned to excitement, then slid into nervousness. Moisture gathered and clogged her throat. Mamm, I wish you could have been here to see me married. At the sound of shuffling feet, she cleared her throat and fluttered her eyelids to bat away the extra moisture.
“May, congratulations.” Aent Matilda whirled into the room with her tochter Josephine close behind. “We are so happy for you.”
“Danki for coming, and Josie, danki for being one of my attendants.”
“Cousin, I’m thrilled you asked me. I’m so excited for you.” Josie knelt on the floor beside May’s chair and squeezed her hand. “This is so wunderbaar, and now Leah will have a real mamm.”
Matilda flounced into a chair next to May. “Jah, and Josie and I will organize your kitchen help and see that all the food is prepared on time. Your wedding will be a very special day, indeed.”
Matilda gave May a one-armed hug and shared what May’s mamm and daed’s wedding day was like. The day flowed with joy and excitement, and Matilda remembered the stars in both her parents’ eyes. “Jah, now we must go and help plan and prepare and you must finish your dress.” She patted May’s hand as she stood.
The air stilled after Matilda and Josie swished through the room like a broom, and May stared at her wedding dress and the stitch she just made. Her hands shook as she stuck the needle in the hem of the dress. It was really happening. She was going to marry Thad. Her heart beat fast and hard, but she wasn’t quite sure why. It was only a marriage of convenience. Nein. A marriage bargain. Nothing more.
Before she’d left the farm, Thad had given the youngies instructions to clean the yard and barnyard, and when they finished with that, they were to start plucking the chickens for the wedding dinner. The women were planning to serve baked chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, creamy celery casserole, coleslaw, pies, donuts, pudding and several cakes, which included two special ones that her friend Sarah and her sixteen-year-old tochter Mary would make.
When she got home from Sadie’s, it was non-stop work of washing walls, floors, fixtures, dusting from top to bottom, borrowing dishes and silverware, and planning the seating to feed one hundred guests. Although Matilda had organized and delegated a job to each of her cousins, May still insisted on helping. Most Amish weddings would have as many as three to four hundred guests. When an average Amish family was nine people, it didn’t take long to fill the guest book. Aent Matilda and Josie were in charge of organizing the kitchen and cooks and May knew not to interfere.
Since Thad’s farm had belonged to her parents, it made sense for her wedding to take place there.
On the eve of her wedding, May twirled around in her room like it was the last time she’d ever see it. Of course it wasn’t, but why was that feeling stirring in her stomach? She stopped moving and blotted a tear that had collected in the corner of her eye. She glanced out the window and toward heaven. How she wished Mamm and Daed could be here with her right now. But if they were, what would they truly think about her marrying Thad? Would Daed have given his blessing?
May woke early and bolted upright in bed. Ach, it’s my wedding day! A shiver of fear swept over her. Had she made the right decision? It wasn’t too late; she could change her mind.
Nein, she’d given her word.
She jumped out of bed and slipped into her wedding dress. The noise from downstairs with Matilda and her helpers preparing food for the noon wedding meal seeped through the floor.
May took special care with her hair, pinning it back and into a bun as her mamm had taught her when she was young. She carefully placed her new prayer kapp in just the exact place. This would be the only time she’d wear these clothes, then she’d pack them away for her funeral.
May smoothed her skirt and slipped her apron over it. The Englisch liked to wear fancy dresses to their weddings, but she was content with the Plain ways. If everyone in her community wore Plain clothes, then no one would appear wealthier than another, and she liked that thought.
A tap sounded on her bedroom door. “May? Open up, it’s Janie and Josie.”
She ran to the door and threw it open. “I’m so glad you’re both here.” She wrapped them each in a group hug, then stepped back. “How do I look?”
“That blue is the perfect color for you,” Josie said, and Janie nodded in agreement.
“Are you getting cold feet?” Janie raised a brow. “Your face is saying take me out behind the barn and hide me.”
“Ach, just a little bit. I hope this is the right choice. The bishop pressured me to make a decision, and now I’m not sure.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. You’ve liked Thad ever since you were fourteen.”
“Jah, but don’t forget, he married April first.”
Josie grabbed May’s hand and held it tight. “Forgive like Jesus did.”
“I’m trying.” She glanced at the clock on her nightstand, then turned to her side-sitters. “It’s almost nine o’clock... We’d better go downstairs.”
They hurried to their bench in the family room as Thad and his attendants, his brothers Jonah and Simon, took their places.
At 9:00 a.m., the congregation started to sing the first song from the Ausbund while the ministers motioned to Thad and May to follow them to the back room, or rightfully called the council room for her wedding, for their twenty-minute premarital talk. Her stomach clenched as she stood. She’d seen other couples get marched off, but no one ever divulged what a twenty-minute talk was, not even Sadie. But it was considered part of the ceremony so it had a great significance. She blotted her hand on her skirt as the ministers entered the room first. Thad pressed a warm hand to her back as they entered. His strong support and nearness calmed her, knowing she wasn’t in this alone. He turned and closed the door.
When they stepped from the room, Thad grabbed her hand and walked beside her. May almost jerked her hand away, but didn’t. They were a couple now. They returned to their benches. Thad and his two attendants sat and faced May and her side-sitters.
After the ministers gave their sermons, Bishop Yoder delivered the main sermon that focused on the Old Testament marriages, their relationships and the obstacles their marriages faced. Just before noon, the bishop called May and Thad up front for the wedding ceremony.
Thad said his vows first.
The bishop glanced toward May. “Do you promise...?”
May froze. The words wouldn’t come. Her heart raced and her throat tightened. She drew in a deep breath of air, but her throat was too tight to speak.
Thad stared at May with a pale mask covering his face. “May?”
“Jah, take your time, May,” Bishop Yoder whispered.
May squeezed her eyes closed. What was it Janie said? This was final. Forever. What was she thinking? She should have thought about this longer.
A faint shuffling of feet from someone on the benches caught her attention. Jah, she had to answer.
The bishop touched her elbow. “Do you need to sit?”
“Nein. I feel better.”
The bishop repeated the question.
She cleared her throat. “Yes.”
Bishop Yoder quickly pronounced them ehemann and frau. May froze as his words settled over her like a thin dusting of flour. It was real. She was Thad’s frau.
After the closing words, Thad took her hand and pulled her gently to face him. “Don’t look so scared. We are now one, forever and always, May.” He pulled the back of her hand to his lips and bushed it with a kiss. A smile slowly spread across his face until it reached his eyes and tugged at May’s heart.
She turned her head trying to hide her face, until she finally gave in and smiled back.
When Mildred’s helpers had everything ready, she called to the wedding party to take their places at the bridal table.
They sat at the Eck, the bridal table, and ate their meal. There was little talking since everyone was hungry after the long morning. May took a sip of lemonade and let her gaze wander to Thad. He was talking to his bruder Jonah. She hadn’t really paid much attention lately, but when he was cleaned up, he was a handsome man, her ehemann.
May turned toward Josie and Janie and joined in on their discussion, chattering as if they were at a frolic.
Thad reached over and gave May’s arm a quick pat.
She pulled her attention from her side-sitters and focused on Thad. Her face twisted into a playful smile.
“It will be nice having a frau. Now I won’t have to take out the garbage.” His voice teetering toward the loud side.
Knowing he was trying to break the tension between them, she tossed him a not-on-your-life look with a raised brow. “You’re not getting off that easy.” They both chuckled.
Their laughter lightened the mood, and it helped May forget that he was April’s ehemann first and she was once again getting April’s hand-me-down clothing. Only this time it was her husband.
Thad glanced at her. “Are you sure you’re okay, May?”
“Jah, it’s just...my head is spinning. Two weeks ago, I had planned to buy a train ticket to Indiana. Now I’m married.”
“But you’re okay with it, right?” He caught her hand in his and squeezed.
“I’m fine.”
“We need to walk around and greet our guests.” He swung his legs over the bench and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arm around her.
She shook aside the image of April eighteen months earlier, in this very spot, and clung to Thad’s side as they walked around all afternoon and evening visiting with their guests.
When the last few buggies finally pulled away, Thad helped the youngies pick up the benches, and May stole her way back into the haus and up to Leah’s room. She cracked the door and peeked in.
Josie, dressed in her nightgown, sat next to Leah’s crib. She waved her in.
“I missed this little one,” Josie whispered.
“Me, too.” May quietly pulled the rocker over next to Josie’s chair by the crib and sat.
“You should be with your new ehemann.” Josie nodded toward the door. “I’m watching Leah. Go.”
“I just wanted to check on her. He is helping the buwe stack the benches on the wagon so they’ll be ready for Church Sunday.”
“How does it feel to be a frau?”
The question bounced around in her head. She wasn’t quite sure of the answer. She wanted to be Leah’s mamm, and Thad came along as baggage. “It’s a new feeling.”
That was a lie. She felt numb.
Josie gave her a hug. “I’ll help clean the mess tomorrow. You go get ready for bed. You’re a married woman now. I’ll sleep on the twin bed next to Leah’s crib. And don’t worry about a thing.”
May slid out of the rocker, walked to the door, and glanced back at Josie and Leah. Leah looked like a little angel, and after the long day, Josie looked like she was asleep already.
She hoped her married life was as simple as that.
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