Kitabı oku: «In the Shade of Sidrat», sayfa 2

– I would also like to see these heavenly places! What a Mighty Creator of the earth and heaven! So much beauty on earth, such beautiful nature, numerous curious nations and cultures, noble people and kind hearts! There is enough space for everyone on the planet, why kill one another, what is this hatred and fighting for… We used to live wonderfully, visited each other, celebrated all holidays together, rejoiced and shared sorrows, respected and valued each other, we didn’t want this war, why did no one ask us if we favoured it or not?! Will it never be like before? – saying this, Vera covered her face with her hands and cried.

– Don’t cry, my girl! My grandfather was a believer, he always said that the Almighty is one, He is the Creator, He created all living creatures in the heaven and on earth, He created all people on the planet and endowed them with different languages so that they could understand each other, live in peace and harmony. And my grandfather also said that there exist neither bad nor good nations, all people are equal, all created by the Almighty! There are only two nations, two types of people: virtuous and unvirtuous ones. Always bear this in mind. Remember that all trials are from the Almighty and we must be patient. After every hardship there comes relief⁵. Everything will be fine, – said Markha, smiling.

– I saw it! I saw it! – suddenly exclaimed Adam from his stool.

– He spoke up! – rejoiced Alla.

– What did you see, Adam? – asked Markha.

– I saw this place you’re telling about in my dream; I saw the heavenly tree Sidrat, I saw my mom and dad there!

– When? – asked Akhmed.

– Today, when I dozed off in the evening… They were sitting in the shade of this beautiful tree… I didn’t want to leave that place… I wanted to stay with my mom and dad, it’s hard for me to stay without them, – Adam repeated, stuttering. Emotions flooded over him again, the yen for his parents filled his soul and heart.

– Calm down, Adam, everything is fine! You started speaking, and that is already a gift for all of us! We are here for you; we are a family! I will be your father, if you allow me! – Akhmed said, hugging him tightly.

But Adam didn’t hear anything… He squatted down, covered his face with his hands, and quietly moaned, trying not to cry.

Everyone stood up from their seats and hugged him tightly. They felt his pain, as almost everyone in this basement had lost a loved one. The next day, from early morning, the bombings restarted. Planes dropped bombs on the city one after another. This time the children were very scared.

– Don’t be afraid, it’s very far from us, it will be all over soon, – Sonya wiped away her tears and spoke to her children.

They were crying from both fear and thirst. The children were thirsty, but there wasnot a single drop of water. Sonya was rocking them in her arms, trying to distract them, and they fell asleep to the sounds of exploding bombs. Magomed and Makka huddled close to Markha, closing their eyes, only occasionally flinching from the strong blasts. Vera wrapped her mother in a warm blanket and was softly singing her favorite song “Tenderness” by Maya Kristalinskaya.

Akhmed and Adam were sitting silently by the basement stairs, guarding the women and children. They tried not to show their inner fear, on the contrary, they tried to cheer everyone up. But it didn’t work out very well. Everyone was very tense, thinking that this was the end. After a few hours, everything quieted down, and no sound could be heard anymore.

– While it’s quiet, I’ll get water for the kids. There was a little snow last night, we’ll melt it, – Akhmed said, hurrying up the stairs.

– Don’t go anywhere, the kids are asleep. It’s dangerous outside, shelling can start at any moment, – Sonya said in a worried voice.

– Don’t worry, I’ll be quick in the courtyard and back. It won’t take long. We can endure, but the children can’t. And you can’t hide from death anywhere, – Akhmed smiled in response.

– I’ll go with you, – Adam said.

– We were missing you, stay in charge until I return, – Akhmed said, patting Adam on the shoulder. He swiftly lifted the basement cover and went out into the yard. Everyone nervously waited for Akhmed’s return. An hour, two… silence… Markha became nervous.

– Adam, did it really snow yesterday? Maybe he went to look for water? There are still citizens in the next block who have not left the city. Maybe he is there… or, as usual, he is helping them, – Markha said anxiously.

– Aunt Markha, it didn’t snow yesterday. When leaving, he whispered to me that he was going to look for water. But don’t worry, he may be staying with the neighbors. He’s sure to come back, – said Adam.

– Okay, I hope so. May the Almighty protect him for us, – Markha said.

More than three hours passed, but Akhmed did not return.

– I can’t wait anymore; I must find him. He might have got in trouble and need help! – Adam announced, without waiting for an answer. He rushed out of the basement. Upon entering the yard, Adam looked around. It was dark and quiet, and the only sound was dogs’ barking coming from a neighbouring

street. There was no snow, but the ground was muddy and slushy, and a piercing January wind was blowing his curly hair. He instinctively headed towards the gate, and over there, behind the gate, he found Akhmed lying on the ground with two buckets in his hands and a bullet hole in his head. His eyes were half-open, and his face wore that same kind smile that had warmed everyone during these harsh months.

Akhmed was lying in a huge puddle of water and his clothes were wet. He had finally found water and was carrying it to the children and women. Fatal sniper shots at his head and heart killed Akhmed. Bodies of other people killed by snipers were often found on the streets. Adam fell to his knees beside him, lifted him by the shoulders, and hugged him tightly, saying:

– I lost my father for the second time… forgive me for not lying here instead of you.

There was no time to be wasted – he had to bury Akhmed before darkness. Adam picked him up and carried him to his brother’s yard, where the others were buried. An hour later, Adam was sitting by his grave reciting a prayer, when suddenly lost consciousness.

When Adam came to, it seemed like an eternity had passed. He was trembling with cold, but then, gathering his wits, he recalled that they needed water! He remembered what had caused Akhmed ‘s death. It was already dark outside, and he quickly got up and headed towards the gate. There were the two buckets Akhmed had brought, and there was a little water in them.

– Praise be to God! There’s still a little left… I don’t know where to get water from. Oh, Almighty! Let it snow today, I can’t bear any other losses! Let the kids not suffer, they’re absolutely innocent, – Adam looked up at the sky and prayed.

Having collected the remaining dirty water, he slowly headed back to the house. Not knowing how to tell the others what had happened, and silently picking up words, Adam descended into the basement. The women and children were sitting there waiting. When Magomed saw Adam returning all alone, he jumped up from his seat with tears in his eyes and whispered:

– Dad will come back, right?

– Of course, Magomed. Dad will definitely come back, – Adam replied.

He didn’t want to cause the boy the same pain his own father’s death had brought him. Not today. Let there still be hope for him. He will wait for this reunion.

Markha understood everything right away from Adam’s tearful eyes… from his bloodstained clothes… and from his treacherously trembling hands… She slowly got up, walked over to him, and embraced him fiercely.

– Stay strong. You’re so young and you’ve already been through so much. Now is not the time for tears, no matter how much we might want to. The children shouldn’t know about this yet. Thank you for burying him. May the Almighty have mercy on him and forgive his sins! If something happens to us too, protect the kids, they are our future, our hope, – Markha whispered to him.

These words made Adam even more upset: he remembered his mother, the last time she hugged him, her gentle hands and loving gaze… and tears flowed from his big gray eyes. In this difficult moment for Markha, she had to support the boy, forgetting about her own grief, so that he wouldn’t break, so that he could continue to fight for himself, for the children and women, those he was responsible for from that day on as the only adult man.

– Aunt Sonya, give the kids some water. I hope there will be enough for tomorrow. Let’s wait for the snow, – Adam said.

Sonya covered her face with her hands and cried.

– What is happening in this world, when will this hell end… how can we go on without you, Akhmed! – she repeated again and again.

Vera and Alla were also crying quietly. Another difficult day and an equally difficult night. No one closed their eyes, only the children were sleeping soundly. The night was quiet, without explosions or gunfire. The next morning, fluffy white snow, everyone had been waiting for, starting falling from the sky.

– Stay here, Adam, I’m older than you and you have to listen to me. I’ll quickly gather snow for melting and come back while it’s still quiet, – Markha said in a commanding tone.

Then she quickly went out with two small baskets. Sonya gave everyone the leftovers: pieces of dry bread, a little water, and a jar of pickles found in the house. It was particularly cold that day, and the children were wrapped in warm blankets. Adam lit a small fire with the remnants of their supplies to warm the women and children a little anyhow. Then Markha ran into the basement, panting. She wanted to say something but was out of breath. It was clear that she had been running.

– Get ready! They’ve arrived! I caught up with their car, – she said quickly.

– Who arrived? – Sonya asked in surprise.

– Workers of a humanitarian organization. I managed to catch up with their car, – Markha replied.

– Will they take us to a safe place? – Vera asked hopefully.

– Of course! Hurry up and get ready! They’re waiting at the entrance until it gets light. There’s no bombing, you’ll have time to leave the city, – Markha said happily.

– And what about you? We won’t leave without you! – Sonya replied.

– They have many people in the car, we won’t all fit. I begged them to take at least the children, they agreed, then said they would take the adults later. They’re having a tour around the city to evacuate people from bomb shelters and basements, – Markha said. For the first time over the latest period, she had hope for salvation.

– Let’s hurry, girls, we have little time left, – Vera said, getting up from her seat and quickly gathering the kids.

Markha handed Sonya her children’s documents and said:

– Sonya, I entrust my children to you!

Sonya began to cry and hugged Markha, at that moment everyone understood that this might be their last meeting. Everyone quickly went to the gate and started getting into the car. Magomed and Makka were crying and didn’t want to leave their mother. Adam tried to persuade them, but nothing worked.

– Mommy, I won’t go anywhere without you and Adam! Daddy is gone, I know he’s already dead, I don’t want to lose you too. Please, don’t let go of my hand, I want to stay with you, I’ll die without you, mommy! – Magomed cried, hugging Markha.

– Magomed, I’ll come tomorrow, I promise! Adam and I will come together! Don’t cry, my dear! I love you very much, we will always be together! Please, if you love me, go with them, with Aunt Sonya, I beg you! And take care of your little sister! Let her not see your tears! You’re my protector! – Markha said, barely holding back her tears.

Magomed burst into tears, not letting go of his mother’s hand. Then Adam calmly took him in his arms, gave him a comforting hug and whispered into his ear:

– Magomed, you’re a man! You must take care of Makka and the others until we and mom come back, okay?

– Are you sure you’ll come back? – he asked through his tears, calming down a bit.

– I give you my word as a real man! – Adam replied with a smile.

They hugged each other, and Adam put him in the car next to his sister and Sonya.

– Let’s go faster, we have very little time, the road will be dangerous later! And take my business card just in case – the driver shouted to them inbroken Russian with an American accent. Adam took the card and slammed the door, the car moved. Then he read the notice in pencil on the back of the card: “If you survive, look for your close ones in the refugee camp in Ingushetia”.

Markha stood frozen, watching her children whom she could never see again. The cruelty of war is immeasurable, people lose their loved ones, cities are reduced to dust, and hearts turn to stone. Magomed kept weeping while looking out of the window at his mother, who was gradually moving away, and little Makka was sitting next to her brother, waving goodbye with a smile. Markha stood there for another fifteen minutes without moving. Then Adam took her hand and led her into the house, into the basement looking empty without the kids, Sonya, joyful Vera, and silent Alla.

– Thank God! I am now calm, there is no need to worry about the kids, – Markha said quietly.

– Everything will be fine, they will definitely come for us, if not today, then tomorrow, – Adam replied.

– That’s not so important now, Adam, the main thing is that they will all be safe, – Markha smiled in response.

That day brought pure white snow, so clean and innocent. Markha fell asleep on the iron bed and slept all day long. Adam visited the graves of his parents and Akhmed, stood in the yard for a while, watching the beautiful falling snow, and after a while, he collected some snow for melting and went down into the basement. No one told bedtime stories anymore, no one asked for water, there was no sound of children’s laughter or crying, only silence, which was replaced by the roar of airplanes and the explosions of shells, taking hundreds of human lives.

Several days passed in silence, cold, and hunger. The food supplies ran out, and Markha and Adam were running low on strength. No one came for their rescue.

On the morning of January 9, Adam found an old receiver in the house, and by some magical means, he managed to turn it on. It was battery powered. Struggling to catch an unfamiliar radio wave, he heard that a safe corridor was provided for civilians to leave the city that day, and it would be in effect for only twenty-four hours. Adam told Markha about this, and they were both very happy. Markha missed her children terribly and longed to hug them. Then they dressed warmly because the road was long and dangerous, took their documents, without which one would automatically be regarded as a bandit, and set out on their journey.

Outdoors it was frosty, sunny and unusually quiet. Markha took Adam by the hand, and they hurried along the streets seeking to reach the safe corridor and cross the border between Chechnya and Ingushetia as quickly as possible. At that time, hundreds of Chechen refugees were staying in fraternal Ingushetia.

With each step, Markha became weaker and weaker. She was very ill, but she did not say anything to Adam. Along the way, she was gasping for breath, losing consciousness, but getting up again to walk further. Adam supported her, trying to cheer her up talking about the children, about their upcoming meeting, which made her feel a little better, and with a smile on her face, she tried to keep walking. But the longer they walked, the worse she felt. Passing by one house, Markha stopped and said to Adam:

– This is my uncle’s house, let’s go into the yard and have a ten-minute rest, otherwise I can’t go any further, my vision is darkening, and I am very thirsty… I remember they had a basement, maybe they haven’t left yet. We’ll take a look.

Saying this, she grabbed Adam’s hand so as not to fall. Markha turned pale, her lips turned blue, her hands became as cold as ice.

– You’re really sick, maybe we’ll wait here until you feel a little better? – suggested Adam, worrying about her.

– No… no… I’m fine, don’t worry, it’s just fatigue, nothing serious, we’ve seen worse illnesses… and even death, – she replied with a faint smile.

– Okay, we’ll do as you say, just hold onto me and don’t let go of my hand, besides you, I have no one else, – Adam replied tearfully.

The next moment they entered the yard. The gate was open, the house itself was destroyed, neither its windows, nor the doors, nor the roof remained intact, just lonely walls stood like the yard guards. When entering the house, Markha headed towards the place where the basement was. Approaching it, they saw a terrible sight: the flames had engulfed the basement, getting smaller and smaller, and it was impossible to breathe from the smell of smoke. Fortunately, the fire did not spread onto the house.

– I hope there was no one downstairs, – Adam said quietly.

– Me either. I’ll go outdoors to pick some water, and you will wait on the stairs until I come back, okay? It’ll be calmer for me that way, I’ve already lived for a while, but you have everything ahead of you, you need to be careful, – Markha calmly replied.

– Good, just quick, we don’t have much time, and your children are waiting for you, – Adam responded.

With these words he eased on the steps and, watching Markha leave, thought to himself:

“Such a young woman has already experienced so much… In her thirties she looks like an old lady, with grey hair, sunken eyes, a slightly wrinkled face… But what a brave and strong woman she is! Our nation relies on women like her, a whole nation! The fearless and courageous Chechen woman! Enduring all the hardships and blows of fate silently, relying only on the Almighty! As long as there exist women like her, our nation will not perish and will prosper!”.

Perhaps the Almighty Creator made all women in the world like this: seemingly vulnerable and fragile like crystals at first glance, but in reality, strong in spirit like flint, the guardian angels of the most precious thing in the universe – human life.

Suddenly, Adam was thrown a few meters by a strong explosion. After a couple of minutes, he opened his eyes, stood up, and quickly ran out into the yard to find Markha. His thoughts were: “Markha! You’re alive! You’re okay! I know! You just went out for water…”.

He ran around the small yard several times. His consciousness clouded, but, grabbing his head, he ran around the yard calling her.

– Please! Answer me! Where are you? Don’t leave me! We’ll still make it to the camp… We’ll make it… Where are you?! – he repeated in panic, slowing down his pace and looking around. But Markha didn’t answer, there was only silence.

Then he slowly turned into the backyard and saw a large pit in the ground, and there… were Markha ‘s remains… fragments of her body… Adam didn’t know what to do, it seemed fate had already tested him: he had buried his parents, friends, neighbours, but he wasn’t ready for such a blow of fate… Then he slowly sankdown to the ground and cried.

– This is a terrible dream! I’ll wake up soon, and it will all be over! You’ll return to me, and we’ll continue our long journey together. What should I do? I’m so tired… Tell me what to do… You just went out into the yard… you’ll come back, – Adam repeated, gasping for breath from tears.

His heart was breaking with pain. He wished this bloody earth open up and swallow him just not to feel the burning pain in his soul, to have everything turn out unreal, another cruel joke of war. But he had to endure this loss too. Then he suddenly jumped up like a madman and began searching for something.

– I won’t leave you here, do you hear me? You’ll come with me to your children, they’re waiting for you and love you very much! – Adam went on repeating that wiping away his hot tears,

Finding an old bag in the yard, he gathered the remains, wrapped the bag and gently hugged it. It seemed to him that he had gone crazy, that the whole thing hadn’t been occurring to him and he had got to hell on earth instead. But, unfortunately, all the inhabitants of the Republic were captured in this hell. The sky and the earth trembled from human cruelty day and night.

Adam understood that he needed to reach the humanitarian corridor for refugees, bury the remains, and find the kids. Gathering all his willpower, Adam quickly set his feet on the path all alone, without Markha. He no longer cared whether he would make it alive or dead.

After a couple of hours, he didn’t even notice that he had reached the border between Chechnya and Ingushetia. Noticing a large stream of refugees, with many people and cars, he stopped next to a car with a family inside. Suddenly, he thought he saw Markha sitting in the car. He approached the partially open window and said to the woman inside: “Markha, I told you we would make it! We reached the border!”.

Having uttered this, Adam fainted. When he came round, he found himself sitting in that car, next to the woman he had spoken to. She had a snow-soaked bandage on his forehead.

– Boy, what’s your name? What happened to you? Why are you alone? Where are your parents? – the woman asked, worriedly.

– I’m Adam… They’re gone… They’re all gone… I’m alone… with Markha, – Adam replied calmly.

– Where is she? With you? We didn’t see her here, – the woman replied.

– She’s nearby. Here… in the bag… I need to bury her… and take her children from the camp with me. I promised, – he stuttered, holding the bag close to him.

– What are you talking about? Poor boy, he’s completely lost his mind. Have a short rest, you’ll come with us. We’re also going to the refugee camp. We’ll find the children, – the woman replied, tearfully.

– Leave him alone! Why are you bothering him? Can’t you see he’s in pain? There are really human remains in the bag. When I put him in the car unconscious, I saw what was inside the bag… He’s telling the truth. We’ve all lost our minds because of this damn war, – the elderly man sitting behind the wheel cried out.

– And you, hold on! In any difficult situation, we are not alone. Our Creator is always with us! He sees and hears everything, even what we don’t say. He knows our souls better than we do. He loves us more than our own mother. Everything will be okay! This is coming from a man who buried his three brothers, parents, and two little children. My little son was also named Adam. He was blown up by a landmine right in front of me, – he added, barely holding back tears.

Adam knew what it was like to lose the loved ones. He covered his face with his hands, and the harsh events of the recent months passed before his eyes like a movie. Raising his head, he said:

– I’ve experienced so much pain that I don’t know why my heart is still beating so treacherously.

– It’s not up to us to decide, son. It will beat until its time is up. We, men, must bear the blows of fate stoically, for the future of our nation is behind us, and we are responsible for our children so that they grow up to be real people! – replied the man.

– Kazbek, look, all the cars have started moving, and we will finally go, – said the woman happily, holding her sleeping eight and ten-year-old children close to her. Her name was Amina.

– Praise be to the Almighty! We will get out of this, – Kazbek sighed in response.

It was already getting dark when they set off. There were a lot of people. After a while, they crossed the border between Chechnya and Ingushetia. Passing through another village, Kazbek stopped the car at the side of the road and said:

– There’s a cemetery over there, we need to bury the woman’s remains. Amina, you stay in the car.

– Okay, – she replied.

Kazbek got out of the car, opened the trunk, took a small bottle of water, a piece of white and green fabric, and a wooden board. Adam followed him, holding his bag tightly in his hands. Then they quickly headed towards the cemetery.

After a while, they returned to the car and sat in silence for a few minutes.

– When all this chaos is over, we will bury her in the family cemetery, don’t worry, Adam. The most important thing is that her soul will find peace after the burial, – Kazbek said in a tired voice.

Adam just nodded and fell asleep in the car. They kept going until they reached the house of Kazbek’s old friend, Islam, who was Ingush, and Kazbek knew he wouldn’t refuse them a place to stay. And indeed, Islam not only let them stay, but also forbade Kazbek from seeking other accommodation, saying that he wouldn’t let them go anywhere.

– Kazbek! How could you think that I would let you go, my brother? Amina! Quickly set the table, our brothers have come to visit! – he shouted to his wife.

After dinner, everyone was very tired and went to bed early. The next morning, Kazbek, Islam, and Adam set off to the refugee camp to search for everyone who was with Adam in the basement. When they arrived at the camp, they began asking people in the tents where they could find certain individuals, calling out their names and surnames.

Then, looking into another tent, Adam saw Magomed sitting sadly by the window, with Makka sleeping next to him on a wooden cot. He slowly walked inside and sat down next to him. Magomed, sensing someone nearby, turned around and, recognizing him, exclaimed:

– I knew you would come! I knew you would take us out of here! I have been waiting for you! I have been praying every day to the Almighty to bring you back!

He gave Adam an affectionate embrace and burst into tears, that ran down his rosy white cheeks.

– Magomed, everything is fine, I promised, and I am here! Now I will never leave you and Makka! – he said, hugging him reassuringly.

– And Mom? Where is Mom?! She came with you too, didn’t she? – Magomed asked through tears.

– Everything is alright with mom. She’s in the best of worlds, – Adam replied calmly.

Magomed cried even harder. He understood everything without words.

– Where is Sonya? Vera? Where is everyone? – Adam asked, looking around.

– They all left together with some man to another city. Sonya wanted to take us with her, she cried. I told her I would stay here and wait for you, – Magomed cried again.

– Okay, enough already, you’re a man after all! – Adam said, ruffling Magomed’s hair.

– Here’s a piece of paper with an address. Sonya asked me to give it to mom, – Magomed said.

– Okay, who are you living with here? – Adam asked.

– With Aunt Medina, she was with us in the car when we came here, – he replied.

– Let’s wait for Aunt Medina and go home, – Adam smiled.

– Back to our home? They’re shooting there, I don’t want to go there, – Magomed said, lowering his head.

– No, not there, to another house, here in Ingushetia, to Uncle Islam’s, we’ll stay with him until everything is sorted out, – Adam replied.

After a while, Medina came, Adam thanked her for taking care of the kids like her own, said goodbye, took Makka in his arms, and they left the refugee camp. Magomed did not leave Adam’s side, Amina, Kazbek’s wife, fell in love with little Makka and called her “my sweet kiddie”.

That evening, Adam ate hot food for the first time, drank hot tea, the aroma of fresh bread intoxicated his head. All these months, he had been dreaming of the simplest things: drinking clean water, eating delicious food to his fill in warmth and silence, taking a hot bath, and lying down to sleep on clean sheets in a soft bed, not thinking about airplanes, explosions, and death.

Isn’t this happiness? Yes, happiness lies in the simplest and most familiar things for us. We don’t appreciate their value until we lose everything. In fact, the simplest things bring the greatest happiness.

When he finally fell asleep, he had a dream. In the shade of the beautiful tree Sidrat al-Muntaha, there were his parents, with Akhmed and Markha beside them, all dressed in beautiful green silk garments and turbans, sitting among beautiful lotus flowers. Fragrant musk emanated from them, and their faces were shining with beautiful white light. There was no sun, no cold, no fear, and no sadness. Adam felt complete peace and tranquility.

Markha held a crystal pitcher in her hands, shimmering with various colors. Then she approached the nearby spring, filled the pitcher with water, and handed it to Adam’s parents. After drinking water from the heavenly source, Adam’s father said to him, “Everything has its time, son! Your golden leaf has not yet fallen from the tree. Take care of your children, we will always be with you, in your heart”.

After the war ended, Adam returned to his homeland, his beloved and native Grozny. He couldn’t even imagine his life outside the city, Grozny was sealed in his heart for life. Almost twenty years had passed, the city had become even more beautiful and magnificent, there was no single trace of war left.

Makka and Magomed grew up, went to university, Adam started a large family, every day thanking the Almighty for the Republic’s peace and prosperity. His heart preserves everything that happened and cherishes everything he has. Happiness is so fragile!

Every person has an inner magical power that can make them survive pain, overcome fear, and continue to fight even with themselves.

Every person has an internal magical power that can make them survive pain, overcome fear, and continue to fight even with themselves.

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Maryam Nashkhoeva