Kitabı oku: «For The Twins' Sake», sayfa 3

Chapter Three

Sara was sitting in the kitchen of the foreman’s cabin, thinking, thinking, thinking, when the tap came on the front door.

“It’s me,” Noah called out.

How was it possible that his voice still had the power to send goose bumps up her arms, make her feel such anticipation? No matter what she’d been going through as a kid, as a teenager, the sound of Noah Dawson’s voice...

“Come on in,” she said, standing up, then sitting down. Why had she told him to come back so soon? Maybe she wasn’t quite ready after all.

It felt funny inviting him into his own home, but what about any of this didn’t feel surreal?

Like the fact that Sara had spent the last fifteen minutes—with Annabel napping in her carrier beside her brother—working over the idea in her head.

Good idea? Bad idea? Her only option?

Was she really hoping to count on Noah Dawson?

She was in dire straits. Nowhere to go, very little money suddenly, and two babies to care for.

And Noah had clearly changed these past two years. Reopening the Dawson Family Guest Ranch had always been his dream. He’d made it happen. And he’d taken very good care of Annabel the past seven weeks. According to Daisy, he’d done 90 percent of that on his own. Daisy had helped out, and a couple times he’d called their old sitter, Mrs. Pickles, whose real name no one could even remember at this point, when he’d had emergencies he had to deal with on the ranch. But for the most part, Daisy said that Noah Dawson had been a full-time, hands-on father, Annabel in that Snugli as he’d directed the crew, made his phone calls, sent his emails, dealt with the invoices.

She heard the screen door open. “In the kitchen,” she called out.

And then there he was. For a moment, she couldn’t take her eyes off him. Earlier, when she’d first arrived, she’d barely been able to think, let alone focus on the fact that she had been reunited with Noah Dawson after two years. Now, his presence in the cabin was almost overwhelming.

This was the man she’d loved her whole life. The tall, sexy cowboy she’d never stopped thinking about. The person who’d taken care of her daughter for the past seven weeks, despite being a single rancher reopening the family business and clearly having a lot on his plate.

Noah had believed the baby was his, and he’d stepped up. Of course, Sara would take Annabel to Chance’s pediatrician and have her fully examined, but her daughter looked healthy and happy and alert. Noah had done a good job.

She could hardly believe it. Noah Dawson.

Annabel started fussing, her eyes opening and fighting to close. Her little face turned red and scrunched up a bit, and Sara’s heart leaped as she stood to go pick her up.

“May I?” he asked, gesturing toward Annabel.

No. She’s mine.

The instinct was so strong that Sara instantly felt guilty. “She’s only napped for about thirty-five minutes.”

Sara wanted to go to her baby girl. She knows her mother now and wants her mama.

That was what Sara wanted to believe, anyway.

Noah might feel very differently. Like that Annabel sensed her daddy was back and wanted to be held by him. Noah was the only father Annabel had ever known.

Oh God. She hadn’t really thought about that until this moment.

Suddenly, her idea, either good or bad, seemed like the only idea, the best plan for right now.

“Sure,” Sara said.

Noah smiled and knelt down in front of the carrier, unbuckling the harness and taking Annabel out. She watched the way he carefully cradled Annabel against him, gently rocking her, and she knew this was not the same man she’d left two years ago.

That Noah Dawson was in there, she was sure. But a new one had emerged. The one who was about to make her cry with how loving he was being to the baby girl, how tender, the care he was showing in how he held her, cooed to her, rocked her.

“Her eyes are shutting,” Noah said. “There’s a baby swing she loves in the living room. Can you go grab it for me?”

She popped up, relieved to have something to do, somewhere to go other than sitting right there and staring at Noah Dawson in wonder. She went into the living room and got the swing and carried it to the kitchen. She set it beside Chance’s carrier; he was still sleeping.

Noah knelt down again and laid Annabel in the swing, her eyes slightly opening. He pressed Gentle Sway, and the swing began moving lightly, the softest of lullabies playing from the side speakers. The baby’s eyes closed.

He touched a finger to her cheek, then looked at Chance for a moment, smiling so sweetly at her son that her eyes almost welled up. She was insanely hormonal. Willem had never looked at Chance that way, with that kind of tenderness, awe. Her late husband had only looked at his son as the trophy heir.

Yes, her idea was a good one. Not just for her and Noah. But for the twins’ sake.

Noah stood up and walked over to the coffee maker. He switched out the decaf and brewed a cup. “Can I get you anything?”

“I had coffee with Daisy. I’m fine for now.”

“She told me,” he said. “We were talking by the gate until you texted.”

There was so much to say, but she didn’t want to say any of it. She just wanted to sit here and not talk.

“They’re both asleep now,” he said with a nod toward the twins.

She glanced at them, then back at him. “You really seem to know what you’re doing when it comes to babies. I’m very impressed, Noah.”

She caught the way he glanced at her—the “when it comes to babies” hanging in the air as if he didn’t know what he was doing in every other regard. Of course she didn’t think that was true. Before Noah had started going a little too wild, heading down a road like his father had taken, he’d still been a good person, someone she could turn to. Steady. Trustworthy. Someone she could always count on. Until she gradually couldn’t.

“I had to,” he said. “I thought I was her father. Thank God for YouTube,” he added.

She smiled. “I watched a few videos myself those first few days. Took me a while to get a good burp out of Chance. I’d been afraid to pat him too hard. Turns out I was way too gentle.”

“Been there, learned that,” he said with a nod, his gaze going to Chance. “Is Chance a family name?”

She shook her head. “It’s a nickname I gave him the moment he was placed on my chest since I couldn’t imagine calling him by his given name—Bancroft.”

Noah rolled his eyes and she had to smile. “Willem’s idea, I presume.”

“His late mother’s maiden name. I wanted to name him after my father, but he insisted that Preston wasn’t stately enough.” She shook her head. “If I could go back...”

“You had no choice but to marry Perry,” he said. “Even I understand that. Barely, but I do. Your father was diagnosed with stage-two cancer when he had no health insurance. The bills took your savings, and then there was no way to pay for treatment when he needed to start radiation.”

She felt tears well in her eyes. It meant so much that he did understand, that he didn’t judge her. “I didn’t realize how awful a person Willem was.” She told him what was in the letter that Willem had written.

Noah’s expression went from shock to horror to disgust. “Well, his sickening plan failed.” He shook his head. “I’d like to scream every nasty thought I’m having about him from the rooftops, but I’ll control myself because of these two,” he added with a nod toward the twins. “I’d prefer never to hear his name again.”

Exactly her thoughts since the lawyer’s office. “Same here,” she said.

She’d once really believed that Willem had loved her. He’d chased her all through high school, even though he was the town golden boy and she was the motherless daughter of a guest-ranch foreman who lived in the staff cabin she was in right now. Willem had truly seemed crazy about her—he listened when she spoke, told her interesting stories about his family, but she noticed the demeaning way he spoke to people, and she didn’t like it. Besides, she’d loved Noah Dawson back then, and no one could ever compare.

Noah had been a wild child with a streak of good, and they’d been best friends since they were little. He’d always told her she was crazy for wanting him as a boyfriend and went for girls in his own circle instead, girls who skipped school and flashed boys in the hallway. Part of her always thought she’d dodged a bullet, but when they’d finally gotten together—for about six months—two years ago, when he had a small ranch of his own and was trying hard, she thought she’d help bring out the Noah Dawson who’d always been there. That was a mistake she’d made over and over, thinking people could change. They didn’t, really. Maybe they could go a few degrees this way or that, but the core? That was settled. She understood that now.

So when Noah was sabotaging his fresh start on the ranch he’d wanted so bad, sabotaging their fledgling relationship, and then Willem Perry had started asking her out again, listening as she cried about Noah, about her sick father who would die without treatment, she’d let Willem take her away from her troubles. He’d promised her the moon, that he’d take care of her dad, and all he wanted in return was the woman of his dreams: her. She’d fallen for it all.

But what she’d really been was a notch. A conquest Willem had never been able to make until she’d been totally desperate. And the truth behind that made him resentful. And mean.

Just when things were so bad that she planned to leave her husband, determined to find a way to continue her dad’s medical care, she found out she was pregnant—with twins. The news, for a while, turned things around; for a few weeks, Willem was kinder, until that changed too. He’d accused her of cheating with Noah, had gotten paranoid the twins weren’t his. A prenatal DNA test confirmed they were Willem’s, but his mind had gone twisted. He’d threatened her every time she told him she was leaving, and once, when she had left him, he sent a lawyer after her who scared the hell out of her that she’d lose custody of the babies entirely. She’d gone back home numb, not sure what she was going to do, how she’d get away from him and not lose her children. Then her father died, and she’d been too grief-stricken to even think about Willem.

All that was in the past, including her husband. The very recent past with lessons she’d not soon forget.

Noah came over to the table with a steaming mug of coffee. He sat down across from her, and again, she was overwhelmed by how close he was.

“Before I came here,” she said, “I’d just heard from Willem’s lawyer that you’d restored the guest ranch and are reopening this weekend. I immediately noticed the new signs on the road leading to the turn and the huge sign on the shiny gates. The landscaping, the foreman’s cabin, the barn—you’ve done an amazing job. A lot of the place looks even better than when I lived here.”

He smiled. “Thanks. Wait till you see the farmhouse, the cabins, barns, the pastures and the trails. We still have work to do, but the heavy lifting is done.”

A wistfulness crept into her expression, her gaze moving around the kitchen. “It feels so good to be back here.”

“That’s how I felt when I first came home. My brothers, not so much. But I guess for some of us, roots have a grip, even when they’re a tangled mess.”

She nodded, her gaze shifting to the napping babies.

“I guess after we talk,” he said, “you’re getting back in that Range Rover and I’ll never see any of you again.”

There’s your in, she thought. Good idea, bad idea, whichever—right now it was all she had. “Actually, quite the opposite, if you’re open to my idea.”

“What idea is that?” he asked, his eyes intense on her.

“I need a job and a place to stay,” she said. “I’ll work for you for room and board and a reasonable salary so I can get on my feet. There’s a lot I can do on the ranch.”

He looked at her like she’d grown an extra head. “You married one of the richest men in Wyoming. Selling that Range Rover alone could set you up for a while.”

“He left me with nothing,” she explained. “Chance inherits the bulk of the estate when he’s twenty-one. I have fourteen days to vacate my house, and anything that isn’t clothing or personal jewelry stays. I don’t even want to go back there, knowing now what that monster did.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “My dad’s gone—and I’m alone. Except for my children. Children,” she repeated, her voice breaking. “Look at what I have now. Both babies. I just need some time and a way to get back on my own two feet.”

The emotion that settled on his face looked a lot like relief. “Of course I’ll hire you,” he said. “Anything you need, Sara. Always.”

That same relief now flooded her. Okay. She had a safe place to land with her infants. She had a job. She had everything that was familiar and comforting. She’d be okay. This had been a good idea.

“Thank you, Noah.”

He nodded and looked out the window as if regrouping. “I won’t lose Annabel,” he whispered, and he glanced back at her so fast she realized he hadn’t meant to say it aloud. He picked up his mug and took a sip of his coffee. “I turned the spare room into her nursery,” he quickly said, “so that’s already all set up. You could take the guest room, and she and Chance can share the nursery. It’s small, but hey, so are they.”

“I’d prefer that to taking a room in the farmhouse. This cabin will always feel like home.”

He glanced at her with such warmth in his eyes that she wanted to fling her arms around him and just hold him—for old times, for now. As a link to tomorrow and the next few weeks and months. But touching Noah Dawson had always gotten her in trouble in every way, and she had to rely on him enough right now—she wasn’t going to mix up nostalgia, being grateful and need with anything else.

And anyway, she recalled that his grandparents had always kept two of the bedrooms of the main house available for emergencies regarding guests. Family members in arguments. Couples breaking up overnight. Plumbing issues. Right now, Daisy had a room and she’d need one for a nursery, so that left only two. It wouldn’t be right to ask for one.

“I’m so used to Annabel being here,” Noah said. “Honestly, I never thought she’d be going anywhere except when she graduated from high school.”

She stared at him. “You really committed to being her father, huh.”

He nodded. “I love that little girl. And I’ll love her twin too. I want you all right here. Besides, the guest room is your old bedroom.”

She did like the idea of staying in her old room. And she couldn’t deny that Annabel looked happy and well cared for. And Noah had definitely turned the Dawson Family Guest Ranch around. But she didn’t trust him—aside from knowing he’d never mean her harm. He’d taken her trust two years ago by sabotaging everything he held dear, including their relationship. Then her husband had obliterated what little faith she had left in people. She couldn’t count on anyone but herself, and that was just the way it was. She’d do what she had to in order to fill a bank account with enough money to get back on her feet, then she’d figure out where she’d go from there. Maybe she’d leave Wyoming—not that could she could imagine it.

She’d go back to the house in Wellington tomorrow to collect her things, everything that was hers. Then she’d officially move to the ranch with the twins and start over. She could breathe here, make a plan here. Being a foreman’s daughter meant she had ranch life in her blood and bones; she’d been assistant forewoman at the last ranch she’d worked at before she’d gotten married.

“Glad to have you at Dawson Family Guest Ranch, Sara,” he said, extending his hand. “We can talk about what position you’d like once you’re settled. I could use an experienced assistant, if you’re interested. But there are a few open positions—from leading children’s activities and workshops to being a cowgirl.”

She nodded, so relieved at how this had all worked out. “I’m glad to be here.”

He had no idea how glad she was. This had always been home. And now, for the time being anyway, it would be again. She’d get on her feet, figure things out and then off she’d go.

But Noah hadn’t let go of her hand, and she wasn’t pulling it away. Their history, their past, good and bad, lingered heavy in the air between them. There was too much to talk about, and right now, she just wanted to gaze at Annabel and get back the last seven weeks.

But then Annabel started fussing again, and Noah reached for her, then put up his hands and stepped back. “Old habits,” he said. “I guess I don’t have to jump anymore.”

“It’ll be an absolute treat to care for her,” she said, holding the baby girl, who once again was struggling to keep her eyes open. “Something I’ll never take for granted that I get to do after all.”

He nodded and reached out a hand to hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Maybe we can put them both down in her crib, and then I can fill you in on the last seven weeks.”

“Sounds good,” she said, snuggling Annabel close, aware that Noah was watching her.

As he lifted Chance’s carrier—the little guy was still fast asleep—she couldn’t help but wonder what was going to happen, how this would all go. Could she and Noah share a cabin with all that had happened between them? Would the past flare up? Or would they both just ignore it?

She would definitely ignore it, she told herself. No matter what he reminds you of or makes you think about, no matter how comforting it would be to be in his arms. Ignore it.

This was her fresh start, her chance for a new life. Two precious little beings depended on her now, and she would not let them down.

“Oh, what a lovely room,” Sara said, looking all around the nursery as they walked inside, each holding a carrier. She’d stopped in her tracks, her mouth slightly open as though she wasn’t expecting this.

Noah realized that she’d probably been expecting the basics. Not a room fit for a...beloved baby daughter. “It helped that I couldn’t sleep the past several weeks, between Annabel waking up every few hours and constantly worrying about something or other about the ranch or if I’d forgotten to take care of something. Made it easy to find the extra hours to turn this room into something special for her. Now them,” he added, nodding at Chance.

He watched as Sara spun slowly, taking in the furnishings. The white spindle crib with the pastel monkey sheets. The stars and moon mobile that hung overhead and played lullabies. The white floor lamp that he’d stenciled matching stars and moons on. The big braided rug in yellows and pinks and blues. The yellow glider that he’d practically lived in the past seven weeks. The white dresser topped with the changing pad and basket of diapers and ointments. The bookcase he’d filled with board books and baby books and lined with stuffed animals. And the window with the yellow velvet drapes, tree branches and leaves and blue sky the view.

Every time Noah came in here, he felt so strongly that this was all meant to be—that Annabel was meant to be here. The first few days, his sister had asked if he was worried about splitting his time between fatherhood and getting the final details taken care of for the grand reopening, then less than two months away, and for reasons he couldn’t quite ever figure out, the answer was more no than yes. Everything about Annabel in his life had felt so right, his bond with her so immediate, that he’d simply made it work. That was what you did.

He hadn’t done it with Sara two years ago. Or with the small ranch he’d tried to keep going. That was what he’d thought about long and hard once he’d gotten his act together five months ago and became the person she’d wanted him to be then. Why had he let her go? Why?

He didn’t know. And he hated thinking about it.

“Thank you for taking such good care of her,” Sara whispered. “For giving her this beautiful home and nursery.”

He managed a smile. He almost wished she’d stop reminding him that Annabel wasn’t his. That was unfair; he knew it. But still.

This was going to be hard. However this new arrangement was going to go, what would happen. It would be hard. He had no doubt about it.

“How about if I put Chance down,” she said, carefully taking her son from the carrier, “since I’m used to transferring him when he’s asleep, and you put Annabel down?”

“Good idea,” he said, reaching for Annabel and cuddling her close for a moment before dropping a kiss to her soft little head. Love you, baby girl, he said silently.

The moment she touched the soft sheets with the tiny pastel monkeys, she stopped fussing and her eyes closed.

He sighed inwardly with relief again. His baby girl wasn’t leaving. He wasn’t losing Annabel.

Thank you, universe.

“This is home for her,” Sara whispered, her voice shaky. “Of course she likes her crib.”

He eyed Sara, wishing he could take her in his arms and just hold her, comfort her. This had to be so damned hard for her on so many levels. “And luckily, Chance seems like a champion napper who can sleep anywhere,” he said with a gentle smile.

She nodded, her face brightening a bit. “He’s good that way.” But her face fell a moment later. He knew her well enough to be able to tell she was suffering from regret-itis. Wishing things had been different, that she’d been with Annabel from the moment she’d been born.

“Hey. She’s your daughter, Sara. And she’ll be napping in your arms like she’s been there from moment one in no time.”

“How’d you know that was...” She trailed off and turned away.

“I’ve known you forever, Sara. Remember? Nothing escapes me about you.”

She glanced at him, then gave a slow nod, and he wondered if he was getting too personal, if he should be more professional now, since they were going to work together. Heck, he was going to be her boss. “I guess we can leave them to nap and go talk,” she said.

“I have a weird craving for a grilled cheese sandwich,” he said. “Want one?”

“Actually, yes. An hour ago I couldn’t imagine ever eating again. Now I’m starved.”

Because your life is back on track, he thought. You feel okay. He hoped she did, anyway.

They headed down to the kitchen, and he told her to sit, that he had it. In minutes, she was sniffing the air appreciatively.

“Grilled cheese was always my comfort food,” she said with a soft smile. “Whenever I was upset, if I couldn’t sleep at midnight, my dad would make me a grilled cheese and I’d feel better. I think a lot had to do with him making it for me and sitting next to me at this very table while I took a few bites that made me feel so much better.”

“Yup,” he said. His closest-in-age brothers had been like that for him when there had been overlap with them staying on the ranch as he’d grown up. “And I’m not surprised Annabel conked out so easily. Meeting her mama was big stuff.”

“It’s only seven weeks, right?” she said, her voice shaky. “That’s nothing.”

She’d inadvertently thrown him a solid right hook in the stomach. Seven weeks had been more than enough for him to develop a serious bond with Annabel. Then again, he’d developed that bond within days. The weeks passing had just cemented it, his love for that baby growing every day. “A blip, Sara,” he forced himself to say. “And you’re together now. That’s all that matters anymore.”

“I’m glad she’s staying here—for your sake too,” she said.

“I’m not gonna lie. I’m very relieved. But I’m happiest for Annabel. I hope you know that. I love that baby. Truly love her, as if she were my own. I’d rather she had her mother and a twin brother and that she knew who she truly was than lived a lie with me for who knows how long.”

And that was the truth, no matter how he felt about Annabel. If he loved that baby, he wanted what was best for her, not what was best for himself.

He thought about the letter Sara told him Willem had left for her. What if the rat bastard hadn’t been reckless with that stupid Porsche? What if he had lived to ninety-three like his just-as-awful father had? Sara would never have known her daughter. He would never have known who’d left Annabel. All their stories would be very different.

“I believe that,” she said. “You always had a big heart.”

Again, so much of their past hung heavy in the air, regrets and good times. He’d let her down—hard. Driven her right into Willem’s arms. He’d never forgive himself for that.

“Why do you think he left her here?” he asked. “With a note saying she was mine?”

“Probably to create havoc for you, mess up your carefree bachelor’s life, screw up your good thing with the reopening of the ranch, if he even knew about that. Was there press about the grand reopening? He must have read it.”

Noah nodded. “The Bear Ridge Daily did a big story on it. So did the Converse County paper.”

“I think he thought he was getting the last laugh,” Sara said. “He knew how I felt about you and he couldn’t stand it, even when I told him that was in the past. He never believed me. He resented you and probably thought it was sweet justice that you’d think the baby he didn’t want was yours.”

He wondered how she felt about him now. Two years ago, after a drinking bender that had left Noah in no condition to drive her and her dad to his appointment at the county hospital since her car was in the shop, she’d screamed that she was done with him, then had sent him a text a few hours later: I’ll never be done with you, Noah. Even if we never see or speak to each other again, I’ll always wish you well in my heart. But goodbye.

Two weeks later, he’d heard she’d married the rat bastard.

He had a feeling he’d never be clear on why he’d screwed up with Sara once he’d finally allowed himself to be in a relationship with her. He’d had everything, and he’d let it all go. Sara. His starter ranch. He’d frittered away most of the savings account she wouldn’t take from him on really dumb track bets. Then he had what he’d supposedly wanted, according to his sister, who’d eventually staged an intervention with his brothers: nothing.

“Well, I’m glad Willem chose me,” he said. “Mine or not, it was an honor to take care of her the past seven weeks, Sara. Two years ago, I couldn’t have done it. Two months ago, I did. I’m a different person now, if you haven’t noticed.”

“I noticed.” She opened her mouth as if to say something else but apparently decided against it. He imagined she’d been about to say: It’s a start, anyway. Let’s see where you are in six months. Or a year. Maybe you’re one challenge away from messing it all up again.

He could see in her face that she didn’t trust him, and he didn’t blame her. But things were different now—because he trusted himself. That was everything. He hadn’t known anything about that two years ago or five years ago or ever. But when he’d taken on reopening the ranch, when his sister and brothers had told him he’d hit rock bottom and there was only one way to go from there, he’d grabbed control of his life with both hands. His siblings had believed in him when they’d had no reason to, when he himself had no reason to. By the time Annabel had been left on his porch, he truly was a changed man.

Sara leaned against the doorway frame, crossing her arms over her chest, her long brown ponytail falling against her neck. “What a mess this could have been had he left her with strangers. I could have had a custody fight on my hands for my own daughter.”

“The universe was looking out for you all along,” he said, lifting up an edge of the grilled cheese to see if it was golden brown. It was. He was surprised the conversation hadn’t distracted him into burning down the entire kitchen.

“I think so.” She nodded. “Wow, that looks good,” she said, her gaze on the grilled cheese sandwiches.

“And here it comes, good old-fashioned comfort food,” he said, putting the plates on the small round table by the window and grabbing two raspberry seltzers from the fridge.

“Thanks, Noah. I have a feeling I’ll be saying that a lot.”

“Sure beats the alternative,” he said, then regretted it. She’d had some choice words for him back then. He didn’t want to remind her of bad times. He wasn’t that guy anymore.

But she gave him a smile and picked up half her sandwich. “I was wondering if I could borrow your pickup truck today. When the babies wake up, I can drive over to my house—my former house—and get Chance’s things. Then I’ll be done with that place.”

He cracked open his seltzer. “I’ll do you one better. I’ll drive you and help you cart everything. And how about if we ask Daisy to watch the twins?”

Sara frowned. “I hate the thought of leaving Annabel for even a second when I just got her back.”

“We could take the twins along if you prefer, but it would be a lot easier and faster to get the job done without having to worry about them or check on them.”

She nodded. “You’re right. And Daisy does seem to adore Annabel. Think she’d mind?”

“Mind? Annabel’s her—” He clamped his mouth shut.

“Niece,” she said solemnly. “Annabel sure had a lot of love here. I’m grateful. Your brothers too?”

He shook his head. “They know about her, but they all said they’d never step foot on the ranch again, that it was my thing and they were glad Daisy was here because it made them feel less guilty. I think a few of them were worried the baby news would trip me up about the ranch. I’m pretty sure they’re all waiting to see how things shake down. No doubt Daisy fills them in.”

She nodded. “Your sister can still be Aunt Daisy,” she said, taking another bite of her sandwich. “He who won’t be named and I were both only children. Annabel can use an aunt and four uncles.”