Kitabı oku: «The Book of Fire series», sayfa 2
I shot a look at Max, his grin saying it all.
‘And then I think Max has promised you trout,’ I added.
A golden pheasant peeped among the crickets as we followed the quickest path back through the forest, silenced only by a pair of amorous rainbow lorikeets. Aelia broke off our conversation to better watch their dance against the cornflower sky, unfettered by cavern or dome ceilings. Clearly, the array of wildlife running freely through the trees entranced and bewildered her. And I understood more than she realized.
Completely cut off from the outside world for nearly two hundred years, Arafel was a paradise compared with the brown grit of Isca Prolet. I recalled my own astonishment when Unus and I had emerged out of the tunnels into the Prolet world – Pantheon’s genetic rubbish tip, and Aelia’s natural home. Life there was so engineered, disparate and exploited. It couldn’t in any way compare with life on the outside, which had recovered far faster than anyone had expected.
I stole a glance across at the slight, elfin girl who had been so full of secrets in Pantheon. And now my mind was spinning with more questions, like one of Max’s water wheels, but I kept my lips pressed firmly together until we’d delivered the haga into the wide-eyed keeping of one of Eli’s volunteer helpers. It was only when we’d pulled the willow ladder back up inside our treehouse, that I allowed my curiosity to show. And Aelia’s nerves were as clear as Jas’s objection to the sudden intrusion.
‘Is this the actual cipher? Thomas’s cipher?’ she whispered, crouching to inspect the freshly swept floor of our small living space.
Cursing silently, I nudged Mum’s handmade reed mat over the crude drawing with the heel of my foot. I’d thought so many times about erasing the charcoaled markings Thomas had painstakingly drawn out on our living-room floor, but it had always seemed sacrilegious, especially with Octavia and Cassius gone.
Now, though, my inaction seemed foolish. Although Aelia had proven her real loyalty to the outside, I’d always sensed her scientific weakness for Thomas’s research and Octavia’s obsession with the Voynich Manuscript.
‘Its existence still isn’t well known in the village.’ I smiled apologetically.
It would have been so much easier if Thomas hadn’t recorded the cipher to decode the only known genetic blueprint for mythical creatures.
‘And Art felt it was for the best – to protect the other villagers.’
‘Doesn’t seem entirely open, in such an open society?’ she commented, her eyes narrowed and suspicious.
‘Would have been far better to burn it – for the firewood it is!’
Rajid’s low mutter cut across the small circle, and this was swiftly followed by another round of low growling. I shot a look at Jas’s sleek white body curled up in her bed, her yellow eyes watching our guests unwaveringly. She looked every inch the content treehouse cat, although her beautiful white jowls twitched unusually. I tried to assess her mood briefly, before returning my attention to our guests.
We were sitting in a makeshift circle, around Mum’s clay cooking pot of fresh trout stew. The aroma was making my stomach grumble, and by the looks on their faces, it had been a good while since our guests had eaten too.
Rajid was crouching, warming his hands by our fire. I shot him a careful look. Everything about him was at odds with Arafel. His manner was so cool and indifferent, and the mythical Cerberus snarling up his neck couldn’t brand him more a product of Pantheon, and yet he was here. In our forest home. I followed the purplish line of the ugly, salivating hounds, mesmerized by the reddened tongues hanging from their jowls, and wondered at the artistry that brought their bulbous eyes to life every time he swallowed.
Who would choose such a mark?
‘So, tell us everything,’ I invited, as my mother ladled the steaming food into wooden bowls.
She looked particularly tired and drawn tonight, and I could sense she was anxious. Eli had taken a shift foraging and hadn’t returned yet. And even though hunting in the outside forest was now deemed a lot safer, she never smiled until we were all back in the same room.
‘You mean, why am I here, disturbing your little corner of paradise?’ Aelia responded, her delicate features twisting up into a grimace. ‘Well, let’s see, where to begin?’
‘How is August?’
The question was out of my mouth before I could stop it. And although it was just three words, lightly spoken, it felt as though they carried the entire weight of the treehouse on their back. I tried to ignore Max’s eyes boring into the side of my head, telling myself it was perfectly normal to ask about her brother, especially given everything we’d all been through.
But a brief shake of her head undid every good intention.
I stared at her, an uncomfortable flush crawling up my neck.
‘What do you mean? He’s … everything’s OK, isn’t it?’
Max’s frown deepened into a scowl.
‘August hasn’t been seen for three months. Not since the Director General took his seat back in the Senate,’ Rajid interjected, staring into the fire embers beneath the cooking pot.
I glanced at Max, my skin starting to crawl like I’d fallen into the fire ant nest myself.
‘The Director General? Cassius? He’s …?’
‘Alive? Yes,’ Aelia confirmed.
A stunned silence pervaded the small rounded room.
‘The head wound Unus inflicted in the Flavium would have killed any ordinary Pantheonite, but as one of Octavia’s original fighting elite … well it turns out Cassius was pretty strong,’ she continued.
‘When the Flavium was cleared, the Scientific Generals had him transferred to the infirmary, where he remained in a comatose state until last month.’
‘But if Cassius is alive, August …?’ I whispered, feeling all my old nightmares start to stir.
‘… was instantly compromised,’ Rajid drawled with a glance at Aelia.
‘It turns out Cassius still commanded a loyal following among the elite Pantheonites, despite what happened in the Flavium,’ Rajid continued, his tone at odds with the gravity of his words.
‘And as soon as news of Cassius’s recovery began to spread, August’s new legislation was frozen by the Senate. Cassius played the game cleverly,’ he continued. ‘He didn’t immediately pull rank. Instead, he offered to work together with August, to bring about a fairer, more open Isca Pantheon that pursued the more … useful elements of the Biotechnology Programme.
‘He recruited old friends, like Livia, as his Empress-Consort Deputy.’
My brain whirled as I tried to recall what I knew about the original mother of the Holy Roman Empire, though Aelia’s scowl already spoke a thousand words.
‘Livia … as in Livia Drusilla? Wasn’t she the real wife of Emperor Augustus?’
‘The wicked witch of Rome?’ Aelia responded, her top lip curling. ‘Yeah, she was a real shining beacon of womanly virtue … apart from the power games, treachery and systematic murder, of course.’
I stared, feeling my world grey.
‘And Cassius was convincing,’ she continued, the dark circles beneath her eyes suddenly more noticeable. ‘His speeches in the Senate were persuasive, especially among the newly elected Prolet representatives. He nearly had me believing in his integrated school for every Prolet and Pantheon child, irrespective of genetic coding. He always was a powerful orator.
‘Besides, the Senatore were weak. Octavia’s sudden death left them fractured. She wasn’t loved, but she’d always been there, at the helm. Her poison was still trickling through their veins, and Cassius was a direct link with the old way of life.’
The room went quiet and Aelia and Rajid exchanged another glance, almost as though they were deciding exactly how much more to share.
‘The Senatore decided Cassius’s seniority demanded he be given a chance.’ Rajid shrugged. ‘And that August should lead a new important mission – the investigation into habitable life.’
‘On the outside.’ Aelia’s whisper seemed to merge with the faded forest pictures I’d painted on the walls as a child.
I glanced at Max. It was the first time we’d heard of any deliberate move by Pantheon to investigate the outside world.
‘Despite his repeated request they send someone else, he was dispatched with the elite Equite force on an exploratory mission. Across Europa,’ Aelia confirmed bluntly.
I grew colder. August was somewhere, on the outside. And he hadn’t come to Arafel.
‘His key objective was to gather scientific evidence for sustainable community living across Europa,’ Rajid clarified.
Aelia nodded, swallowing hard.
‘It was Cassius’s idea, that the Senate explore opportunities for satellite Lifedomes, which would help start a re-familiarization programme. The Senate were impressed, heralding it as a new era, an opportunity to combine the best of the old with the future.
‘And August, with his background in fieldwork, was the obvious choice to lead the investigation.’
‘The mission was expected to take six weeks. It’s been three months,’ Aelia offered, her eyes flitting past Rajid’s.
‘Rumours spread swiftly after that. Now most Pantheonites believe August planned his desertion, and that the group of young Prolet Freedom Fighters abandoned the new Civitas to go looking,’ Rajid added.
‘Anyway, Cassius has since denounced them all as deserters.’
He paused to draw breath, while I stared, already knowing the answer to my question, but I needed to ask anyway.
‘Looking for what?’ I whispered.
‘For you, Tal,’ Aelia returned, like a challenge.
Chapter 3
‘In the name of Arafel …? Why!?’ Max interjected, his golden skin darkening with a scowl.
We’d finished the trout stew, and Mum was silently cutting up a fresh pineapple into hand-sized chunks. I wasn’t deceived though. I could assess her mood by the tight compression of her lips.
‘They want to join you, Talia, all of you, here in Arafel. While Cassius has restarted the propaganda machinery, most of the free thinkers believe an outside community thrives. The truth is, Arafel … Max … you … you’ve all become rather legendary.’
Silently, Rajid got up from his cross-legged position by the fire and walked over towards Jas. She lifted her head, growling her warning softly, but he didn’t falter. Instead, he slowly lowered to his knees beside her. She eyed him coldly for a beat, before yawning and rolling over. I stared in surprise. An invitation to tickle her snow-white belly was a real sign of trust. Aelia shot us a satisfied look, her elfin cheeks tinged with spots of colour and I wondered, briefly, what had passed between her and Rajid. They were both Prolet Freedom Fighters, and she obviously trusted him. So why did he unnerve me?
‘The day after the Senate reported August as missing, a group of Prolets took off – through the old Roman tunnels beneath the ruined city of Isca,’ Rajid offered in a low voice, still stroking Jas. His voice was almost hypnotic, and I suppressed a frown. Jas had a pretty sharp instinct with people, yet she’d clearly accepted him.
‘Beneath the city?’ I repeated, recalling my own journey beneath the domes. ‘The Roman tunnel only leads to the Lifedome exterior wall. I had to fly the griffin over the mined land.’
Only once in the last twelve months had I crept to the edge of the forest to stare out at the domed rise of Isca Pantheon; and the dirt-land separating the two worlds looked just the same as it always had: barren, impenetrable and terrifying. It had claimed so many Arafel lives in the beginning, and their memory rested there with their bones, in the blackened soil.
Rajid broke off grooming Jas to look up, his face creased with disdain. ‘The Prolets are, among other things, resourceful archaeologists,’ he responded.
‘Your exit tunnel was just the beginning of the secret excavation work. Since then, we’ve uncovered a whole network of ancient Roman tunnels that lead out and interconnect beneath the old city of Isca Dumnoniorum … or Exeter as it was known before the Great War.’
‘Rajid led the excavation work. It was dangerous but incredible, like rediscovering a forgotten underground maze,’ Aelia added.
‘Does Cassius know?’ I asked, trying to keep up with all the revelations.
I recalled his face the day he thought I was at his mercy – just minutes before Unus arrived. It was a look that had hard-wired itself into my brain. Cold venom. Like a death adder.
‘He didn’t, but he does now, of course. And the first thing he and Livia did was freeze the new freedom of movement powers August brought in to support the Integration Agenda. Cassius said it was just to retain balance until August returned. But there are those …’
‘… who know better?’ I muttered.
She nodded.
‘And he’s sending out search parties on a daily basis to bring back the missing Prolets. Armed search parties.’
Max looked from me to Aelia, his frown deepening.
‘She can’t help.’
I’d been listening so intently, I’d forgotten Mum was at the back of the circular room, shelling beans. I gazed at her familiar face, brown and seasoned from her years spent working in Arafel’s fields. Eli and I took on her load as much as possible, but Grandpa’s death had hit her hard, especially since he’d filled the breach Dad had left eleven years before.
‘It’s OK, I’m not going anywhere,’ I reassured her.
‘Aren’t you also on the Senate, Aelia? As General in Command of the PFF?’ I asked, trying to understand how so much could have been undone so quickly.
She smiled in a way that said everything.
‘You mean ex General in Command. Cassius voided my position within the first week August was missing,’ she relayed, her brow puckering.
‘He said there was no need for the PFF any longer, since we were working together with a new vision for Isca Pantheon. Made a big deal about all positions on the Senatore needing to be earned through the popular vote, although the prejudiced voting system hasn’t been replaced, and so guess what? The only people currently entitled to vote live within … Pantheon.’
Max scowled. ‘But then the Senate vote is never gonna reflect Prolet will.’
She smiled again, her teeth just visible, and I could tell her nerves were frayed.
‘Eat,’ I urged, pushing her refilled bowl back towards her.
Jas stirred from her comatose position beside Rajid, and my gaze shot back to the trapdoor, though I knew exactly what had made her beautiful flocked ears perk up. Jas was the most intuitive watch-cat in the world. Whenever Eli took an early hunting shift in the outside forest, she waited for his return intently, and always seemed to know when he was back on Arafel soil. I strained my ears and, sure enough, a few moments later detected a scuffle at the bottom of our tree.
Mum was up in a breath, flying across the floor towards the trapdoor, to let down our woven willow ladder. Seconds later, an earth-streaked hand pushed aside the rough netting we hooked over the exit, and a mop of sandy-brown hair appeared.
I drew a breath as his grey-blue eyes followed, his expression quickly changing as he acknowledged the newcomers. He vaulted through the trapdoor like a forest cat, and Jas stretched out her sleek hunting body in response, bypassing Rajid as though he’d never existed. She padded up to Eli, purring like a queen bee in the height of summer, as he bent to reassure her, a bundle of cloth cradled beneath his arm.
He held the small wrap out to Jas, who sniffed with her usual casual interest, before he let a tiny, doleful little owl peep out of the top. A murmur of interest whispered around the room as he straightened, placing the newcomer inside one of the egg-shaped woven baskets suspended from the ceiling. We were very used to our treehouse being an impromptu animal hospital, and immediately Mum started warming some thinned milk.
‘Orphaned?’ I signed.
‘Yes, and this little guy was the last in his nest,’ Eli signed swiftly before walking across to Aelia and giving her an affectionate hug.
None of us missed the question in his eyes. The entry tunnel into the village was a long-kept secret, and revealing it was punishable by expulsion. Clearly, he hadn’t been to the animal infirmary on his way back.
‘She and Rajid caught the overnight haga to Arafel,’ Max interjected, a gleam in his eye.
There was a ripple of laughter as Eli held his hand out to Rajid. He gripped it with respect. There was something in Eli’s unflustered air that calmed even the hormone-fuelled bucks at rucking time, and as Rajid inclined his head respectfully, I noticed the Cerberus climbing his neck doing the same.
‘Haga?’ Eli signed incredulously. ‘Where on earth is this intrepid bird? And how did they know how to find us?’ he added to me directly.
I raised my eyes at Max. Only Eli would ask after a bird before enquiring about Aelia’s daring journey.
I signed quickly, bringing him up to date, as he gently removed the little owl from its basket cocoon and pipetted thinned, warm milk into its open beak. Watching him sustain such a tiny fragment of life as though it were the last helped to calm my jumbled thoughts.
‘So, where are the group that escaped now? How many Prolets made it out?’ Max asked in a low voice.
I was still signing, but my ears pricked up. Max was always the underdog champion – no matter the stakes. He wouldn’t leave a rabbit alone to face a fox. But this rabbit could be anywhere, and I was still reeling with the news that Cassius was still alive. There could be no crueller fox.
‘Prolet Levels Thirteen and Fourteen emptied overnight. So, a party of around sixty is unaccounted for,’ Rajid offered, sauntering back to join Aelia by the fire.
‘Livia spared no time in offering her services to help flush them out, should they fail to return within three days,’ she added with a grimace.
‘And she doesn’t mean round up.’
My stomach twisted like one of Max’s trap knots. At last Aelia’s urgency was clearer. But Arafel was already in the region of three hundred heads. How could it support another sixty? And wouldn’t a rescue mission just bring Cassius directly here to Arafel?
‘Care for the seed, and it will care for you.’
I had no idea where Grandpa’s whisper came from. It was just there, hanging in the oaken breeze, as though he was beside me now.
I straightened my shoulders and cleared my throat. I had to think like Grandpa.
‘It’s a matter for Art and the Council,’ I said decisively and quickly, ‘but I don’t think we have any choice.’
I was conscious of all eyes in the room swinging my way, including my mother’s.
‘Grandpa taught us to value life above everything else. All life. We can’t sit here in our safe idyll of a valley, while others scour the Dead City sewers searching for us!’
‘Talia, think!’ My mother looked ashen as she rose to her feet, the beans she was shelling spilling onto the wooden floor.
‘We just about manage to feed everyone as it is. We can’t support sixty extra mouths through the winter months. What if bringing them here also brings that … that monster to our home? And how do we know she wasn’t followed?’
Mum pointed towards Aelia, her face twisted with fear. My chest contracted. Mum had been through enough, but how could I justify putting her above the needs of sixty desperate Insiders?
Jas whined above the chatter of a capuchin in a nearby tree. My little apricot monkey ran through my head, and I bit my lip, tasting the tiny trickle of salty blood. Freedom always came at a cost, which was what made it so precious.
‘We take it to Art,’ I repeated grittily, watching Mum close her eyes as though I’d just committed us all to certain death.
***
A chevrotain was grazing by the yew and I approached slowly, trying not to startle it. They were shy animals and this one had to be a little confused to be out at late afternoon. Grandpa used to call them mouse deer, or deer bewitched by the fairy folk; either way they were unusual enough to be considered good fortune in Arafel.
I allowed myself a small smile as I crouched silently, watching it. I could do with some good fortune just now. It had been an hour since the discussion in the treehouse, and I’d stepped out for some fresh air before seeing Art. The Council members took their shifts in the fields like everyone else, which meant all Council matters were dealt with after working hours. It was a tradition that protected our primary resource: food.
But as I extended my hand, I sensed it. A threatening presence. I was on my feet and spinning in a heartbeat, arm raised high to deflect the incoming missile. There was sharp pain as it found a target, the fleshy underside of my arm. I winced. The stone would have killed the mouse deer outright, but the nervous creature was already gone, the bushes rustling their relief.
‘In Arafel, the mouse deer is considered sacred,’ I challenged the lurking shadows.
‘In Isca Prolet, the mouse deer would feed a family for a week,’ came the acerbic response.
‘Last time I checked you were staying in Arafel, at our invitation!’ I retorted.
Rajid sidled into view, an indecipherable look on his swarthy face. He seemed taller and leaner in the open air, and for the first time I noticed a large white-handled blade dangling from his waistband.
‘Prolets can take care of themselves.’
Max’s words echoed through my head although I didn’t doubt it for one second. I flexed my fingers. Didn’t he know Outsiders invented the rule book?
‘What are you doing out here?’
I was suddenly conscious he must have followed me to find me in this quiet part of the forest.
‘Just getting some fresh air, and exploring the local animal species. Interestingly, they seem to have a uniform number of legs.’
He drawled rather than spoke, elongating all the s’s in any word. I stared at him intently. Despite Jas’s acceptance, this man could get under my skin, and the reddened jaws of his Cerberus were glinting in the evening sun, like some sort of portent of ill luck.
‘How long have you known Aelia?’ I asked.
‘For about as long as she’s been a Prolet.’ He leaned casually against a convenient oak, as though it was the most natural thing in the world for us to be standing here, discussing Aelia.
‘We grew up in the same corner of town. Then, when she won the funded medical place with Isca Pantheon, I joined the mineral miners. As you can probably imagine, it’s a rather popular choice in the wonderful metropolis of Isca Prolet!’
He grinned at his own joke, revealing a blackened tooth near the front of his mouth. The neglect reminded me how different our paths had been. The sight of a lush, green forest had to be one of the most arresting he’d ever seen. And yet, he seemed so detached.
‘And then the PFF?’ I pushed.
‘And then the PFF,’ he closed.
His head dropped to one side, as though he was assessing a laboratory specimen. And for a second we stood there, engaged in some sort of unspoken combat, before he sauntered across and paused closely enough to me to feel slightly uncomfortable. I held my ground, even while his slightly soured breath filled my face.
‘Just what is it that makes you so special?’
I wasn’t even sure he’d whispered the words; they were spoken so quietly.
‘Rajid! Why are you out here? I wanted to talk to Tal before we head over to Art!’ Aelia’s sharp tone cut through the air. ‘The sun’s on the horizon; it’s time.’
I glanced across at Aelia’s shadow, tense and agitated. Beneath the bough of a twisted hazel, she had clearly been counting the seconds until we could see Art.
Rajid stepped back, inane smile resurrected, before sauntering after Aelia. And as I followed, I wondered again whether the Cerberus was more than a tattoo.
***
‘I’ll have to call an Extraordinary Council of the Elders, and a village-wide Ring to tally support after that. This is not something I can decide on behalf of Arafel, Talia. Should we choose to send a task force and then take these people under Arafel’s wing, we will undoubtedly compromise the safety of every man, woman and child living here. That action must not be taken lightly or without full, open acceptance of the possible consequences.’
I stared at Art’s wizened face in the dim light of his study. His treehouse was tucked between the branches of the oldest ash in the village, and the closely knotted pale branches created a twilight space, even though it was only just dusk. It was the colour between day and night, and usually that soothed me, but today I was conscious only of Aelia’s anxiety.
‘I don’t think we have that sort of time, do we, Aelia?’ I asked, her twitching foot belying her calm expression.
She shook her head swiftly. We’d been through it all in detail, and the more we talked, the more I felt her apprehension.
‘They’ve been gone for weeks. We think they’re hiding out in the tunnels beneath the city, but they must have run out of food by now, and they have no means of cooking whatever they may catch among the ruins. My fear is that they’re living off sewer rats and unclean water, with no access to light. Their prognosis is pretty grim, unless we get help in there quickly.’
She spoke rapidly, her clinical training giving her strength although I knew she had to know most of the renegade Prolet families personally. As leader of the Prolet effort to integrate with Pantheon, she had to feel responsibility for their protection too. It was clear that whether Arafel helped or not, she would do everything she could to find them.
‘If they are in a weakened state, and Cassius releases his personal battalion of molossers or even strix, they won’t have the strength to fight or escape. And Cassius likes to make an example of those who challenge the system. I can’t imagine he will be content simply to parade sixty insurgent prisoners. He will want something in return – and I don’t mean their white flag.’
I turned back to Art, hoping he would make an exception, just this once. He was Grandpa’s successor as leader of the Council, and infamous for his strong sense of fairness. He was also a stickler for the rules.
Art stared at us both, his astute eyes getting the measure of Aelia swiftly. Then he drew a deep breath.
‘I’m sorry, Talia, but on this my hands are tied. The only thing I can offer you for certain is an extraordinary meeting of the Ring, followed by a vote. It will take a little longer than you will like, but perhaps that time is usefully spent considering the path that may lie ahead? None of Arafel’s hunters will know the ruined city tunnels, and if we are forced to engage with Cassius, there will be injury and loss of life.
‘I understand your urgency,’ he added gently, ‘but this decision needs thorough debate. We are hunters, farmers, survivors … not warriors.’
I glanced at Aelia. She was pale and completely still.
‘I will call a Ring, but I cannot promise you the decision you want.’
I nodded, knowing better than to push. We’d secured a meeting, and that had to be enough for now. Moments later we were dropping down through Art’s aged trapdoor to the forest floor beneath.
I looked at Aelia, her face in shadows, her agitation tangible.
‘I know it’s not exactly the outcome we wanted. But just let Art talk to the village … I’m sure they’ll—’
‘I understand,’ she cut in shortly. ‘It’s a big ask, and Arafel is your home. You are all safe, while the insurgents … my people … Look, I get it, OK? I just need a few minutes to compose my thoughts before the meeting. And I need to speak with Rajid. I’ll listen for the Ring alarm and meet you there.’
I nodded silently, wanting to say so many things but unable to find the right words. Aelia was my feisty friend who was as unpredictable as she was loyal, but this time we weren’t facing the manticore or some other beast of Pantheon. This time the stakes were so much higher. She spun on her heel and headed off into the darkness.
Reluctantly, I started in the opposite direction, intending to find Mum and Eli before the alarm. The last of the afternoon light was receding and Pacha, the village lantern-bearer had begun lighting the beeswax candles suspended in willow rope jars from our treehouses. They illuminated a path through the forest at night, but the effect was to cast our homes into an ethereal half-light. Mum called it fairy-tale, but tonight their glow did little to soothe my nerves.
‘Tal?’
Max’s voice stopped me in my tracks and when I followed its direction, I could just make out his healthy face among the dusky branches of a dense red cedar. Instinctively, I gripped the strong arm that followed. His proximity was usually the only thing that enabled me to think straight.
I leveraged myself using the tree’s thick, nodulous bark but there was no real need. Max led Arafel’s treehouse construction team, and I was sharing his bough within seconds. I gazed through the feathery leaves that fringed his brown skin. He had three fresh rabbits attached to his leather waistband, and a forced smile pinned to his face.
For a moment neither of us said anything. It had been like this for a while now. The weighted silence. Like he was slowly building towards something methodically, the way he built treehouses. Only this subject wasn’t approachable with sheer logic, and there was no previous design for him to copy or adapt. It wasn’t a conversation I was anticipating in any way either, which made me the biggest coward, and him more than confused.
I loved Max fiercely, but there was a dam somewhere in my throat, one that blocked up all emotional pathways between my heart and mouth. And no matter how close we were, there was still a void between us, preventing those final words.
