Kitabı oku: «The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men», sayfa 2

Various

Yazı tipi:

Besides the Excessive Charge of Physick Bills,
A Nurse, fine Cordials, and a hundred things,
Until his Substance she to little brings,
Till may be she at length resigns to Death,
The only Comfort he cou'd hope on Earth.

FINIS

The best and most Experienced Remedy for Sore or Weak Eyes, that ever yet was made known to the World, being of that wonderful Efficacy, that it infallibly dispels any Humour or Salt Rheum distilling from the Head; and takes away all Soreness, or Redness, or Swelling: It also strengthens weak Eyes (Sometimes occasioned by the Small-Pox) and will disperse any Film or Cataract growing over the Eye, whereby the Sight oftentimes becomes dim; in a few times using this Excellent Remedy, to those that will be perswaded to use it often, it will preserve the Sight to an incredible Age, and read the smallest of Prints. It being a Secret acquired by a Gentleman in his long Study, whereby he has wrought wonderful Cures among his Relations and Acquaintance; and now made publick for the Benefit of all People that will make tryal of it.

For those that are really Poor they shall have it for nothing; to Others for 6 d. the Bottle.

THE BATCHELORS AND MAIDS ANSWER TO THE FIFTEEN COMFORTS OF MATRIMONY

BEING

Real Encouragements for all Single Persons of both Sexes to Marry as soon as ever they can get Wives and Husbands, in order to avoid the danger of leading Apes in Hell; with sutable Directions for that purpose

Dedicated to Married Men and Women

Licensed and Enter'd according to Order

LONDON, Printed and Sold by Henry Hills, in Black-Fryars, near the Water-side

The Batchelors and Maids Answer to the Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony

Answer to the First Mock Comfort

But why shou'd Marriage render Man undone?
When nothing's like it underneath the Sun.
True Pleasures in the Marriage-Bed alone,
Real Joys without it never yet was known.
The Charming Bliss in Wedlock chiefly lies,
A Single Life all Honest Men despise,
What greater Comfort can on Earth be found,
When two True Hearts are both together Crown'd.
All other Pleasures are but Pains to this,
A Married Couple only, finds the Bliss.
The Frowns of Fate, and other Worldly Cares,
Are daily lessen'd by divided Shares.
The mutual Love of Man and Wife dispense,
With all the Chances of dark Providence;
Nay, If in Prison he shou'd chance to lie,
A Loving Wife brings Comforts and Supply.
She pays him visits with Delight and Care,
And Loves him ne're the less for being there.

Answer to the Second Mock Comfort

And why shou'd not a Man adore his Wife,
Since She's the only Comfort of his Life.
A Gift presented by the Gods above,
A lively Emblem of the Charms of Love.
All o're Divine, a Heaven, here below
Man's Paradice, where Joys in Plenty flow.
No Shame, but Honour does bless'd Wedlock Crown,
And ushers in both Glory and Renown.
Sweet pretty Babes, the Product of each Charm,
In Marriage-Bed protects us from all harm,
Their Innocence like Lambs and Doves appear,
Which make our Hearts and Minds quite void of Care.
No Sorrow can lay hold of Man or Wife,
Where Love and Virtue is the Rule of Life.

Answer to the Third mock Comfort

Oh! Monstrous Man, nay Beast, (I almost said)
What cursed Thoughts are got into thy Head?
To rail at those to whom thy Life is due,
No Mortal yet durst be so vile as you?
If whipping Joan was here alive and stout,
You do deserve to be well whip'd about.
Ten thousand lashes shall adorn thy Bumb,
If ever such a whipping Lass should come.
'Tis strange a Woman shou'd be so envy'd,
Not only mock'd, but shamefully bely'd.
With bawdy Gossips, and the Lord knows what,
To Name a Child the Husband never got.
You call him Fool, and yet that Title claim,
And prove your self the Person you wou'd Name.
You know it is a Woman's due by Birth,
To Scold and Cry, next moment Joy and Mirth.
One minute smile, the very next a Frown,
Perhaps the next she knocks her Husband down.
But what does this to hinder higher Charms?
When Joys are fix'd between the Husband's Arms,
Such transports are out of the reach of thought,
Tis only known where Wedlock Bonds are wrought.

Answer to the Fourth Mock Comfort

The Marriage-hater here is forc'd to own,
The many Comforts which doth Wedlock Crown.
But strives to mix it with such Cares and Toil,
As if curs'd Malice cou'd such Blessings spoil.
Makes Charges frightful on that very score,
As if Mankind should ne'er encrease no more;
Nay, Atheist-like, he makes it ten times worse,
And calls God's Blessings nothing but a Curse:
Our Sons are Sots, and all our Daughters Whores,
Because we keep the Woolf just from the Doors:
Was ever Man so void of Sense and Shame,
As thus against all Reason to exclaim?
As if a Wife her Kindness to impart,
Shou'd teaze her Husband as to break his Heart:
This is such Stuff as ne'er was heard before,
But hope the like again shall see no more.

Answer to the Fifth Mock Comfort

I here agree with this, my Rhiming Foe,
And own 'tis Folly when the Case is so;
For whatsoe'er the cunning Jilt pretend
To her Old Husband, yet she'll have Her Friend;
She'll coax the Dotard when his Bags are full,
Yet even then graft Horns upon his Skull,
Makes him a Beggar to enrich her Cull:
She seems most fond, till she gets all the Pence,
And then with Bag and Baggage marches thence;
She leaves the Fool without one single Cross,
To sit, lamenting for his fatal Loss.

Answer to the Sixth Mock Comfort

But here I differ from the Poet's Thought,
Who says, A Scold as even good for nought;
For, like Job's Wife, she will Man's Patience try,
And bring Repentance too, before he die:
Then who'd live single, if a Scolding Wife
Works such great Wonders in a Husband's Life?

Answer to the Seventh Mock Comfort

No modest Woman will disdain her Spouse,
Because he seldom peeps into her House;
Since Age and Sickness doth the Sport prevent,
She'll exercise her Patience with Content:
For where all's gone, the Queen must lose Her Right,
So must a Wife the Pleasure of the Night.
A Loving Woman, puts up those Defects,
And gives her Husband Honour and Respect;
Like Pious Sarah, serve him like a Lord;
Obeys in all things, which do's Peace afford:
Their Children too add Pleasure to their Lives!
Thus Men are Bless'd, who marry Virtuous Wives.

Answer to the Eighth Mock Comfort

Why should not Females under Wedlock tyes,
Participate with what the Man Enjoys?
Man's Second-self must have her share in Mirth
A Freedom, which is right to her by Birth:
If Fortune's Bounty has encreased her Store,
Her Husband's Love to her shou'd be the more;
No Cost or Care too much for such a Wife,
Whose Vertuous Charms adds Pleasure to the Life:
Such Comforts on a married Life depend,
There's nothing like a Loving Bosom-Friend.
If Husband's Stock is wasted by mischance,
A careful Wife will soon the same advance.

Answer to the Ninth Mock Comfort

The Man more often is the cause of Loss,
By Drinking, Whoring or some Earthly Cross;
Then patient Wife, who yet must bear the Blame,
And hide the cause of his notorous Shame;
And many times the Sons and Daughters too,
Act just the same they see their Father do:
And therefore if they chance to go astray,
The Father pointed out the crooked way;
And yet the Crosses in a married Life
Are all imputed to a Tender Wife:
And notwithstanding all this knavish Art,
It sooner breaks the Wife's than Husband's Heart.

Answer to the Tenth Mock Comfort

I wonder where this spiteful Author finds
such wanton Women, with such lustful Minds;
Unless he speaks by knowledg of his own,
Whose Lewdness is the Scandal of the Town;
If so, he's not mistaken in his Mark,
For Joan's as good as Lady in the Dark:
But 'tis unjust to tax all Womankind,
With Vices proper to one single mind.
If some are bad, I only this shall say,
I pity those that wed with such as they.

Answer to the Eleventh Mock Comfort

This by Experience, as I said before,
You speak because you married such a Wh–re;
The words themselves as plain, as plain can be
Describe your self, that you are only He,
The very Actions with your cheating Bride,
In lustful Sport, when you lay by her side;
How by degrees she did the Fool deceive
With fained Blushes make you then believe
Her Virgin Fort well fortify'd within,
Free from Attacks of such a pleasing Sin:
What e'er the Picture wants of being true,
Is, that it looks not so deform'd as you.

Answer to the Twelfth Mock Comfort

Tho' some are blindly led, and others run,
And make both haste and speed to be undone;
This alters not the Case in any wise,
But that a Man sometimes may get a Prize,
If some be wanton in obscure Nookes,
And Ape the Saint, by framing modest Looks;
Deceive the Husband, with her cunning Wiles,
And cheat his Senses with her feigned smiles,
These (I confess,) are hardships to be born,
And worse to think the Fore-head tip'd with Horn,
But still good Wives, if any such there be,
Are real Comforts of a high Degree.

Answer to the Thirteenth Mock Comfort

The Lawyer's Wife is brought in for her share,
To recompence her Loving Husband's care;
As he by Bribes hath Honest Men undone,
She gives to Knaves, what he might call his own.
But Drugs and Poysons to a married Wife,
I cannot understand it for my Life.
For she that has a Husband need not fear,
But all Suspicion soon will disappear.
No matter where or when the Child was got,
It always falls unto the Husband's Lot.