Kitabı oku: «Found: A Mother for His Son»

“Max!” Dermott gasped, running through the door.

He stopped short of the bed, breathless, his face drained of all color. “I heard from downstairs.”

“And we’re just fine,” Jenna said. She was still rocking back and forth with Max in her arms, stroking his hair, holding onto him as tightly as he held her. He had quieted down, and seemed content to stay right where he was now. She was content to have him there, too. “He had a bad dream, but it’s over now, and he’s doing better—aren’t you, Max?”

Max nodded, but didn’t look up at his dad. His head was still tucked into Jenna’s chest, and Jenna held him protectively, the way a mother would. To anyone looking on who didn’t know Jenna might have been his mother, the way she comforted him. Dermott saw that. Saw that she had become a fierce protector of Max.

Now that her children have left home, Dianne Drake is finally finding the time to do some of the things she adores—gardening, cooking, reading, shopping for antiques. Her absolute passion in life, however, is adopting abandoned and abused animals. Right now Dianne and her husband Joel have a little menagerie of three dogs and two cats, but that’s always subject to change. A former symphony orchestra member, Dianne now attends the symphony as a spectator several times a month and, when time permits, takes in an occasional football, basketball or hockey game.

Recent titles by the same author:

DR VELASCOS’ UNEXPECTED BABY

THE WIFE HE’S BEEN WAITING FOR

A BOSS BEYOND COMPARE

ITALIAN DOCTOR, FULL-TIME FATHER

FOUND: A MOTHER FOR HIS SON
BY DIANNE DRAKE

MILLS & BOON^®

www.millsandboon.co.uk

CHAPTER ONE

“DERMOTT?” Jenna Lawson stopped half way into the elevator, blinked twice, then smiled. “Dermott Callahan? Is that really you?” Wow, he looked good. Better than she remembered, except he’d aged a little. Of course, it had been, what? Six years, or maybe closer to seven? Well, time had been kind to him. Very kind, except he had a distant look in his eyes, one that didn’t fit the Dermott Callahan she remembered, and for a moment Jenna actually wondered if this was a case of mistaken identity. The Dermott she used to know couldn’t have possibly looked as serious as this Dermott did.

But this Dermott spoke, and the voice was still the same. Deep, smooth, so sexy it was lethal. Yes, this was definitely Dermott. “Jenna. I’d heard you worked here. Wasn’t sure that was still the case. But it’s so nice bumping into you this way.”

He gave her a long, intense stare, causing a tingle to work its way up her spine. Or maybe it was the memory of former tingles and that brief time when they’d been together. Nice time. Good memories.

By now the elevator was sounding a shrill warning to get out of the door, or else, so Jenna stepped inside and let it bang shut behind her. Except for one little old lady who kept her eyes glued to the punch buttons for each floor, she and Dermott were the only ones in the elevator, and yet he made no move to…to what? Hug her? Shake her hand? Be a little bit friendly? What was the proper protocol for two former lovers to meet again after so many years? “Technically, that is no longer the case. As of about ten minutes ago I’m a free woman, professionally speaking.” As well as personally, but that was a long-standing, well thought-out condition.

Dermott arched his eyebrows, indicating mild interest, yet he didn’t ask the obvious question most people would have, given what she’d just blurted out, and the silence between them in the elevator was almost deafening, it was so pervasive, as they moved slowly downward, from floor to floor. Even the old lady sharing the ride with them looked over to see if either one of them would take up the conversation.

“I was fired,” Jenna finally supplied when he didn’t ask, more to hear a human voice in what had turned into something akin to a vacuum. “Or, actually, prompted to find another position. That’s what you get for…” No, she wasn’t going to just blurt out that she’d talked her way out of her job. What was the point? It wasn’t the first time, and probably wouldn’t be the last.

“For what?” the old lady snapped. “For heaven’s sake, don’t leave us hanging this way. Tell us what happened.”

Dermott arched his eyebrows again, and this time Jenna noticed a little sparkle under them. It was brief, but it had been there—the Dermott she used to know. The spark she’d loved. Although once, it had been permanent, not fleeting, like she’d just seen. So what was that about?

“For challenging the boss one too many times. She overworked the nursing staff, required that we work too many hours to make up for nursing shortages, which put patient care in jeopardy. I suggested she put her nursing uniform back on and come help us out on the floor and, well…” She shrugged.

Dermott finally cracked a smile. “You always did have a tendency to challenge authority.”

“Only when it needs to be challenged. Today, that’s what it needed.”

“Good for you!” the old woman exclaimed. “You won’t get anywhere in this world if you don’t stand up for what you want.”

Wise words, and so true. Jenna mulled them over as the woman marched her way out the door. “My supervisor wouldn’t budge,” Jenna said after the door shut. “And I was getting worried about medical mistakes. But nobody would listen to reason.”

“As I recall, you have an unusual way of making your point heard,” Dermott said.

“OK, so I tacked a nurse’s uniform to her office door in case she’d forgotten what one looked like, and pinned a note on it inviting her to try it on for old times’ sake.”

“Now, that sounds just like you. Sassy!” Dermott laughed. “It’s good to see you, Jenna. Good to know that your passion for your job is still just as…explosive.”

Jenna laughed. “And you’re just as blunt as you always were. So, are you still local? You haven’t left Alberta to seek your fame and fortune somewhere else, have you?”

“Canadian through and through. Right now I’m in a little town north of Edmonton. No fame, definitely no fortune there, but it suits me.”

“And you’re married now, I heard?” It had happened quickly, if the rumors were correct. Four months after she’d ended their relationship, he’d gone off and gotten himself married.

There was a fraction of a pause before Dermott replied, “No. Not anymore.”

Well, this was definitely awkward, Jenna decided as the elevator car came to a stop on the first floor and the doors opened. Positively a topic to avoid, if the scowl on his face had anything to do with the situation. Which, she believed, it must have. “But you’re still practicing family medicine?” This seemed almost as awkward between them as it had been that day when they’d let their affair get out of hand and ended up in the unlocked supply closet. Dermott had been at the end of his residency, she’d been a fairly new nurse, and they’d had a few wonderful, intense weeks together that had scared her because with Dermott she’d lost reason and sense and all the cautions she counted on. That day in the supply closet, when the nursing supervisor had walked in and caught them, had proved it. No, they hadn’t been fully engaged in the act, not even to the point of ripping off clothes. But it would have happened. Caution thrown to the wind ended it for them because what they’d had together back then had been so…out of control.

If there was something she never allowed for herself, it was any part of her personal life being out of control. What she’d done that day had scared her in ways she hadn’t yet gotten over. Certainly hadn’t ever repeated. One of the many foibles of being Jenna Lawson. “Well, take care of yourself, Dermott. It was nice seeing you again.” Very nice. Very frightening because of all the feelings that came galloping back. Mostly, though, very nice.

“You too,” he muttered, lagging behind, almost like he didn’t want to be seen stepping off with her. “Look, um…Jenna,” he said, before she got too far away. “I’m sorry about your job. You’re a good nurse because you do care so much. Whatever happened, it’s their loss.”

Jenna spun around to face him. “It happens. Medicine can be harsh at times, and even harsher when you care. But I do, and I made my point. Admin listened, and they’ll make the necessary changes here. And I’ll survive somewhere else.”

“I have a position open. Would you consider working in a small medical practice in a little town called Fort Dyott? Pay is poor, hours are lousy, accommodations are adequate, town is nice.”

“That sounds like a real job offer.” Truly a surprise. But was he serious about it? Because he’d asked with so little enthusiasm she wondered if he’d really asked or if she’d actually imagined it. If he had asked, this was so not like the Dermott she remembered it was almost eerie. Apparently, time hadn’t been very kind to him. Since he was no longer married, was he reeling from a recent divorce, maybe? Or another life tragedy? She couldn’t imagine it being his medicine because she’d never met anyone who loved the practice of it any more than Dermott had. Or one who had better natural instincts for it. “Is it, Dermott? Is it a job offer to come and work with you…a legitimate job offer?”

“Yes, I suppose it is. I need an office nurse. Someone I can depend on to be my second no matter what the situation, since I’m the only doctor in town. And you’ll have to take calls when I’m not on duty, probably see some patients on your own…patients with minor complaints.”

It sounded appealing, actually. But, again, spoken with no enthusiasm from him. That was odd. What intrigued her, though, was the small-town setting. It was a huge change from everything she’d done in the past, and all kinds of images popped into Jenna’s mind—perfect little white cottages with white picket fences, tree-lined boulevards, city parks with lemonade stands. Suddenly, she was filled with nostalgia for a life she’d had a long, long time ago and chosen to throw away, and a stability she’d never known after she’d left her grandparents’ home. “You’re sure you’re serious about this?” she asked, not wanting to raise too many hopes so quickly, not sure why she even wanted to hope. “Sure that you want me to come work with you?” It was crazy even considering Dermott’s offer, but her heart was pounding a little harder, like she might really want the job. Or was all this merely a reaction to being fired a little while ago rather than really wanting Dermott’s job?

Maybe, though, it was because he looked sad. And sad was something she knew so well.

“I had a medical assistant who went off and had a baby a few days ago, and she’s not coming back, so it’s a legitimate offer, Jenna. I don’t have a lot to give you, like I said. My, um…my practice came on some hard times financially, so for a little while anyway, until I can get things back to normal, it might be a little tight. As part of your compensation, though, you’ll have an apartment in the building where I operate the medical practice, if you want it. And your hours will be variable. It’s a lovely area. Pretty. A little on the cold side in the winter, but not horrible.” He shrugged. “There’s not much more to say except the job is yours if you want it.”

The job interested her, but the indicators weren’t good here. Dermott wasn’t Dermott, and that did worry her. Nursing jobs were easy to find. She had her graduate degree, for heaven’s sake. She could command so much more than he was offering. On top of that, and in spite of her situation, she was going out into the world with a very good recommendation from the administration here. So what Dermott was offering her wasn’t even close to what she could land for herself.

Then there was the obvious…their past relationship. They’d both moved on, both turned into different people. So could she work with him? Keep it professional, forget the past?

The truth be told, she didn’t know, and that’s what frightened her. She lived her life on a pretty straight line and Dermott had proved, once upon a time, that he could knock her off that line with so little effort.

Dermott came with risks she didn’t want to take. Better to be safe, she finally decided. “I, um…I appreciate the offer, but right now—”

Before she could finish, he swept around her and, in the briefest moment, when their arms brushed, she felt a jolt shoot right through her—one like she’d never felt with anyone except Dermott. Immediately, she pulled back from him and crossed her arms.

“I understand, and it was nice seeing you again, Jenna.” His voice was kind and, yes, a little sad. It was unmistakable, even after all these years. “I hope you find a job that suits you.” That’s all he said, then he walked away. The leather of his shoe soles clicked sharply across the marble in a precise rhythm, never breaking cadence.

Click…click…click…Jenna fixed on that cadence for a moment, trying not to fix on Dermott himself. But Dermott crept into her mind anyway. What had happened to him? Of all the people she’d ever known, he’d been the one who’d found so much joy in life—joy in the places no one would ever consider looking for it. He used to smile all the time. That had been part of his charm, one of the things she’d loved most about him.

But this man who walked away from her now—he marched like a soldier, rigid posture, straight shoulders. No real smile, maybe not for a long time judging from the deep set of his frown and the permanent creases in his forehead. So, what was his war? she wondered, and even worried as he pushed through the hospital’s revolving door.

“Damn,” Jenna muttered. She was tempted to run after him and accept the job, which was probably a huge mistake. She knew that, knew she shouldn’t even entertain the notion. But it wasn’t like she was following some major life plan, was it? Lord knew, she didn’t follow life plans. Flitting in and out of jobs and relationships for so long, like she was only trying them on for size, was what she knew best, and the thought of taking on a real plan scared her. Yet helping an old friend for a while wasn’t such a bad thing to do, really. Especially when that old friend looked so miserable.

It was Dermott’s look that bothered her. Haunted her already.

The sound of unpleasant laughter broke through her muddled thoughts, and Jenna glanced away from the front door just as her ex-supervisor stepped off the elevator. Bianca Morrey, on the arm of her husband, was wearing her street clothes, and quite obviously leaving for the day while nurses under her supervision were overworked and overtired. One more nurse on the floor would have helped tremendously on the next shift, but Bianca didn’t bend in that direction any more. The heck of it was, Jenna had been offered that supervisory position before Bianca, but she’d turned it down because she hadn’t wanted to be that far away from patient care. That’s where she was needed, and in a life with so little else going on, being needed was good. It was all she had.

And Dermott, a man with so many deep frown lines—he needed help. Her mind made up, Jenna raced after him to tell him she wanted the job after all.

Jenna? He’d asked Jenna to come work for him? And she’d actually agreed?

What the hell had he been thinking? Sure, he’d heard she was working at Stanton General when he’d sent in his papers for the refresher seminar on cardiac arrhythmias being held there, but he’d really had no intention of looking her up. Or had he? He hadn’t gone on an exhaustive hunt through the various wards and wings, but he hadn’t not looked when he’d walked up and down the various halls. Two days there without seeing her had convinced him that he was better off not seeing her at all, not seeking her out, then on his way out the door to go home, there she was. Just like it was meant to be.

OK, so maybe he’d hung around a little longer than he’d needed to after the seminar had ended, and walked a few more halls than was necessary. But to ask her to come and work with him in Fort Dyott? He hadn’t meant to. The words had simply come out of him and it was like he’d been standing on the other side of the elevator listening to himself make a terrible mistake, unable to do anything about it. He liked Jenna, respected her abilities, but bringing her in would only complicate his already complicated mess of a life, and Jenna didn’t always make things easy.

For five months now he’d done nothing but protect Max from all the whispers and speculation, making sure that nothing bad touched his world again. It wasn’t easy helping a little boy recover from the death of his mother, but that’s just what he’d been doing, almost to the exclusion of everything else, including his medical practice, which he’d put on a parttime basis until he could figure out what came next. It was difficult, but he was dealing with it, and adding Jenna to the equation right now just wasn’t a good idea because her complications would compound his. Truthfully, for the amount of work he had to offer, any other nurse or medical assistant would have been just fine. Jenna, though, was distracting, and Max still needed every bit of attention Dermott could give him. Undivided attention.

Max…curly blond hair, blue eyes with so much mischief in them. Damn, he loved his son. Max was the only good thing that had happened in his miserable six-year marriage, and it was truly amazing the way one totally unassuming little life had changed him in so many ways. But that’s what had happened, and the only right thing to do in his situation was to protect his son. So, if Jenna worked out, that was good. A nurse like Jenna could help him get his medical practice back on track eventually, and that’s what he really wanted to do when the time was right. Bar none, she was the best nurse he’d ever known and his remaining patients would love her. And if she didn’t fit in…well, he couldn’t imagine Jenna Lawson not fitting in anywhere.

That was, if she wanted to fit in. Jenna did have that disposition for not staying in any one place too long.

But if he kept his relationship professional with her this time, it could work out. And he had to keep it professional considering anything else would touch Max, which was something he would not allow. It wasn’t like Jenna would ever hurt his son, because she wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose. She was the type who would, after a good hard rain, pick up an earthworm stranded on a sidewalk and put it back in the dirt. Max was vulnerable though…vulnerable to things Dermott didn’t yet know or understand, and he had to be careful where Jenna was concerned because Jenna was so easy to become attached to. He knew that better than most. He also knew that she ran away, and that’s what scared him about hiring her. If Max became too attached, and Jenna left…

No! He wouldn’t let Max near that kind of pain. That’s all there was to it. Being pragmatic about it, if he could be pragmatic about anything to do with Jenna, he would have to maintain a certain distance from her.

Of course, hadn’t he vowed that once before?

Shutting his eyes, not sure whether to kick himself over his rash decision or give himself a congratulatory pat on the back, Dermott conjured up an image of the woman who had once come so close to being the love of his life. Honey blonde, shoulder-length hair, green eyes, a figure that made a man look twice or, in his case, a lot more than twice…

For his office she was the perfect choice, but in his life? Sure, he could tell himself that he just couldn’t resist being around her again after so many years because, in part, that was the truth. Jenna was like unfinished business in a way. They’d been intense. Fast. So close to falling in love. Then nothing. The energy had been so strong, so addictive, and he needed that again. Of course, she could have changed. Settled down. People did. Just look at him, sitting here, having lunch with Max, with peanut butter smeared on his shirt. Who’d have ever thought this is what would make him happiest in the world, especially hating peanut butter the way he did?

But it did because he’d found something worth changing for.

Had Jenna?

For her sake, he hoped she had. For his sake, though, he almost hoped she hadn’t. Not too much, anyway.

“Where’s she living?” the five-year-old asked. Grinning from ear to ear, with grape jelly all over that grin, he clutched a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other, holding more tightly to the cookie.

“Upstairs. In the empty apartment.” The one with absolutely no accommodations, and she was due here some time tomorrow.

Max scrunched up his nose. “It has spiders. Does the lady like spiders?”

“Probably not. So we’ll have to get rid of them, won’t we?” Dermott took a bite of his own peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Noon lunch with his boy had become the tradition, either here or at Frank and Irene’s house, where Max spent his days. Barring any emergencies, he never broke the lunch date because it was one of the things he loved most about his life. “And we’ll also have to give her some of the old furniture I put in Grandpa’s barn after…” He stopped. It had been nearly five months now, and no one spoke of Nancy’s death in front of Max. No exceptions. And someday, if and when Max asked about her, Dermott would deal with it then, doling out the truths as Max was able to deal with them.

So far, Max hadn’t asked. Dermott was grateful for that, since his inquisitive little boy asked about everything else. “After the two of us moved in here. Grandpa said he’d help us do that later today, so I’ll be counting on you to be in charge of getting that furniture put in the right place.”

A deep frown popped up between Max’s eyes, but he didn’t say anything.

“What’s that about?” Dermott asked, fighting to hold in a laugh. He knew that expression. Max was wrestling with a big decision.

“Grandma wants me to go with her for ice cream later on. She says it’s very important, and I don’t think she likes to go there alone.”

“Very important?”

Max nodded solemnly. His frown deepened.

“Well, if it’s very important, then you’d better go with her, don’t you think so? Especially since Grandma doesn’t like going alone.”

A big grin broke out on Max’s face and his eyes fairly twinkled. “I think so, big guy,” he said, giving his dad the thumbs-up sign. Only Max’s thumb was covered with grape jelly, which he spotted and licked right off.

Nancy had given him a beautiful child, and he owed her thanks for that. But for nothing else, because after she’d delivered Max into the world, she’d proceeded to make his own world a living hell. “Look, I think you need to go wash up and get ready to go back to Grandma’s for the afternoon. Grandpa will be by to get you in a few minutes.”

“Can’t I stay with you, big guy? I won’t get in the way if somebody comes in. Promise.”

The truth was, he probably could. There weren’t very many appointments scheduled. By design. Life had been tough for a while, and the people in Fort Dyott knew that his preference was to stay closer to his son these days. They respected it, and helped him do just that by seeking medical care in the Muledeer Clinic, which was in the next closest town to Fort Dyott. He knew, too, that so many people found that facing him was difficult, and painful, and that it was easier keeping a respectful distance for a while. However it was with them, they were good people. Nancy had been so beloved here that they’d overlooked her visible changes because that’s just how they were and he knew there had to be guilty feelings. So he understood the avoidance issues some of them dealt with, and tried to let people know he held no hard feelings. With a few exceptions, it would all work itself out eventually. He was sure of it. “You know the deal. When I work, you stay with Grandma and Grandpa. But how about I come and get you early so we can go to the park and play ball for a little while before supper? Will that work for you?”

Max gave his head an affirmative nod. “Works for me, big guy.”

Five minutes later, Dermott waved from the front stoop of his three-story red-brick building as Frank Allen drove away with Max. Frank and Irene adored the boy and, while they were Nancy’s parents, they were the only ones he trusted with his son. They were good people. Good for Max. Surprisingly, good for him too. Perhaps because they’d seen some of the problems their daughter had, and understood some of the abuses she’d inflicted. Some, not all. The rest were Dermott’s secrets to keep. Why hurt innocent people any deeper than they already hurt?

Dermott watched until Frank’s truck disappeared around the corner, then returned to his office. Even though he practiced only about five hours a day right now, that seemed too much. Especially on a day after one of Max’s nightmares, like today. Those were especially rough, the times when he wanted to be with his son, to hold him a little closer, a little longer.

But what he wanted wasn’t always what he got.

Fort Dyott was larger than Jenna had expected. For some reason, she’d pictured a wide spot in the road, but there were several roads, actually. More than she could see in any direction. And there were shops, houses, churches, a movie theater—pretty much all the same things she was used to in Calgary, but on a smaller scale. By the time she’d reached Dermott’s building, she’d decided she liked the looks of Fort Dyott. The people strolling up and down the streets appeared friendly. The streets were, indeed, tree-lined, and so far she’d come across two parks.

In fact, if she’d had a family to raise, this would have been an ideal place in which to do it. High praise, from a thirty-yearold who’d never imagined herself raising a family. Family implied direction and permanence and so far she’d successfully avoided that. Yet, if having a husband and children had been something she’d wanted to do, this would have been the right place in which to do it.

Fort Dyott seemed a nice little town with all the amenities, like where she’d been raised along the southern Alberta border. It was perfect here. Or would be perfect for a little while, until she got herself too involved and had to leave.

So maybe her brash, rash and otherwise impulsive decision to come here on Dermott’s lukewarm invitation would turn out to be a good move after all. “No expectations,” Jenna whispered, as she climbed out of her car and stared up at the old building. “Don’t have expectations about this, and nothing will hurt you.” That was a lesson she’d tried so hard to take to heart in the past, and always seemed to fail. No matter how hard she fought against them, expectations always found their way in, then ended up disappointing her.

Well, not this time! She knew what she was getting with Dermott. Or most of what she was getting. And hormones aside, she didn’t need any more problems than she already had. Not even Dermott’s problems, which did worry her. But she wasn’t getting involved. Wasn’t asking. Wasn’t listening. Wasn’t lending a shoulder or any other part of her body for anything. No causes, no crusades. No nothing, except work.

“So, just do it. Go up the steps and start over, Jenna.” Easier said than done as those eight steps up to the front door were some of the longest, slowest steps she’d taken in a while. Of the three phone calls she’d had with Dermott since she’d chased him down the street and accepted his offer, only one had been even marginally friendly. And she wasn’t sure that it was friendly so much as Dermott being relieved that she wasn’t calling to change her mind about the job. Whatever had happened to him these past years wasn’t good, and maybe that’s what she dreaded the most—coming face to face with the thing that had sucked the spirit right out of one of the brightest, most lively people she’d ever met.

“But he’s not the reason you’re here,” she lied to herself, as she laid her hand on the old glass doorknob, bit down hard on her bottom lip, and turned the handle. “It’s about the job. That’s all. Just the job.” Easy to say, but not easy to believe, and that’s what frightened her. She could lie to herself all she wanted, but the lie wouldn’t even hold up to a gentle breeze. Who was she kidding? All the firmest resolutions aside, she was here for Dermott. But as a friend? Or more?

Right now, she would fight, tooth and nail, to tell herself she was here just as a friend, and hope the other possibility didn’t seep in. Although, even admitting there was another possibility gave her a deep-down queasy feeling right in the pit of her stomach. “Don’t want that, don’t want that…” she said, gritting her teeth. “Do not want that.”

That was good. Now all she had to do was tell herself she was here for…For what? Peace of mind? Change of career direction? Simpler lifestyle? All good reasons, she decided. Good, and interchangeable. If she embraced her reasons hard enough, she’d believe them. Wouldn’t she?

He’s the reason you’re here.

Damn it! Why couldn’t she fool herself even for a moment?

Simple answer. She was here for Dermott, which scared her to death. So, she had two choices. Admit it, deal with it and, of course, not act on it. Or go and find another job somewhere else.

“You should have thought it over better,” she admonished herself as she stood there, staring up at the building, wondering what would greet her on the other side of the door. Stupid thoughts! On the other side of that door were people who needed her. And a doctor who needed a nurse. If she could keep that in mind, she’d be good. “One step at a time, Jenna,” she whispered, finally pushing open the door.