Kitabı oku: «The Rebel Who Loved Her»

‘Things just get on top of me at times, that’s all.’

‘It’s only to be expected after everything you’ve been through.’

The kindness in his voice brought more tears to her eyes and she blinked them away. ‘Perhaps. But I try to hold it together for Millie’s sake.’

‘I can understand that, but you can’t be brave all the time. It won’t do you any good in the long run.’

He touched her hand, his fingers lingering for just a moment before he turned to push the swing once more, but Becky felt a frisson of awareness race from her hand and travel through her entire body. It felt as though every cell was suddenly on fire, creating an immense amount of heat inside her. It had been ages since she had felt this way, she realised. Not since those first heady days when she had met Ewan at the hospital had a touch aroused her so swiftly, so completely.

Dear Reader

Can love overcome all obstacles?

That’s the question Becky and Ewan have to find the answer to in this final book of my Bride’s Bay Surgery series. Eight years ago they were deeply attracted to one another, but Becky realised that they wanted very different things out of life and married someone else. When she meets Ewan again she is shocked to discover that the old feelings she had for him are still very much alive. The fact that Ewan feels the same fills her with dread. She has nothing to offer Ewan these days.

Helping Becky and Ewan to find a way through their problems was a real joy, although I have to confess that I shed the odd tear when it looked as if they would never reach a solution! They are such a lovely couple that they deserved a happy ending, and I hope you will agree that I have given them that.

So … do I believe that love can overcome all obstacles? Yes, I do. I wouldn’t be writing romance novels if I didn’t believe it!

Love to you all

Jennifer

About the Author

JENNIFER TAYLOR lives in the north-west of England, in a small village surrounded by some really beautiful countryside. She has written for several different Mills & Boon^® series in the past, but it wasn’t until she read her first Medical Romance™ that she truly found her niche. She was so captivated by these heartwarming stories that she set out to write them herself! When she’s not writing, or doing research for her latest book, Jennifer’s hobbies include reading, gardening, travel, and chatting to friends both on and off-line. She is always delighted to hear from readers, so do visit her website at www.jennifer-taylor.com

Recent titles by the same author:

THE SON THAT CHANGED HIS LIFE†

THE FAMILY WHO MADE HIM WHOLE†

GINA’S LITTLE SECRET

SMALL TOWN MARRIAGE MIRACLE

THE MIDWIFE’S CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

THE DOCTOR’S BABY BOMBSHELL*

THE GP’S MEANT-TO-BE BRIDE*

MARRYING THE RUNAWAY BRIDE*

THE SURGEON’S FATHERHOOD SURPRISE**

† Bride’s Bay Surgery

*Dalverston Weddings

**Brides of Penhally Bay

These books are also available in eBook format from www.millsandboon.co.uk

The Rebel Who Loved Her
Jennifer Taylor

www.millsandboon.co.uk

Good friends are scarcer than hens’ teeth and I am very lucky to have some of the very best friends possible.

So a huge thank you to Barbara, Charlotte and Ted, Jeremy, and John.

Life wouldn’t be half as much fun without you all.

CHAPTER ONE

‘BECKY! HEY, BECKY … wait!’

Becky Williams stopped when she heard someone calling her name. Turning around, she peered at the faces of the other passengers gathered in the baggage hall of Heathrow Airport. The flight had been long and arduous despite the fact that her parents had insisted on upgrading her and Millie to business class. Twenty-plus hours non-stop from New Zealand would have been hard enough on her own, but it had been little short of gruelling with a small child in tow.

Becky sighed when Millie started to whimper. She cuddled her close, hoping it wouldn’t be too long before their pushchair appeared on the carousel. At fourteen months, Millie was getting quite heavy and Becky’s arms were aching from the long hours spent holding her as they had flown across the globe.

‘I thought it was you!’

All of a sudden a man was standing in front of her and Becky jumped. She stared at him in confusion. He was tall, several inches taller than her own not inconsiderable height, in fact, with dark brown hair and the most wonderful deep blue eyes. Although his face wasn’t classically handsome, there was something very appealing about those craggy features and the upward curve of his mouth that hinted at a well-developed sense of humour….

‘Don’t tell me you don’t recognise me. I’m gutted!’ He grinned at her, his face lighting up in a way that was all too familiar, and Becky gasped.

‘Ewan! Is it really you?’

‘It is indeed.’ He gave her a quick hug, his strong arms closing around her for the briefest of moments before he drew back. His blue eyes sparkled with laughter as he stared down at her. ‘Or at least I think it’s me. After all those hours in the air I’m not sure if I’m actually here or not!’

He laughed, mercifully missing her reaction. Becky sucked in her breath as she took a firmer hold of Millie. She was tired, that was all, tired and stressed after the long hours spent travelling. It was little wonder that it had felt so good to have Ewan hold her but it didn’t mean anything. She may have had a massive crush on Ewan MacLeod at one point but that was all in the past. An awful lot had happened since then.

The thought of what had happened in the past year was never far from her mind, but Becky pushed it aside, knowing that she couldn’t cope with all the soul searching right then. The baggage carousel began to move and people stepped forward to look for their luggage. Becky spotted their pushchair and tried to force her way through the crowd but with Millie in her arms, it wasn’t easy.

‘Is that yours?’ Ewan gently moved her aside when she nodded. Leaning over, he lifted the pushchair off the carousel and set it down in front of her. He quickly opened it so she could place Millie in the seat then crouched down before Becky could do so and fastened the safety harness, smiling at the little girl as he did so. ‘There you go, poppet. You can have a little nap now.’

He ruffled Millie’s honey-gold curls and Becky did her best to hide her surprise when Millie laughed. Normally, Millie was wary of strangers. Maybe it was all the upset of the past twelve months but Millie’s usual response when she was approached by someone she didn’t know was to cry. However, there was no sign of tears now, just the opposite, in fact.

Ewan straightened up and Becky hurriedly smoothed her face into a suitably noncommittal expression. Maybe Millie had responded unusually favourably but it meant no more than her own reaction had. They were both exhausted and the sooner they were home in Bride’s Bay the better. She glanced at the carousel, willing her suitcase to appear. Cases were being claimed from all sides but she couldn’t see any sign of her bag.

Ewan reached over and grabbed a battered old holdall and dropped it on the floor by his feet. ‘That’s mine sorted. There’s just yours to come now. Shout out when you spot it.’

He seemed to have taken it for granted that he should help her and Becky wasn’t sure what to do. It didn’t seem fair to make use of him, especially not after the way they had parted all those years ago. The guilt that had become such a large part of her life of late rose up inside her and she shook her head.

‘Don’t worry about us, Ewan. We can manage. You’ve got your bag so you get on off home.’

‘And leave you to struggle on your own?’ His dark brows rose. ‘I can just imagine what my mother would say if she found out. She’d have my guts for garters!’

Becky summoned a smile. ‘I think you’re a bit too old to worry what your mother will say.’

‘True.’ His smile faded and he looked at her with a seriousness that made a shiver pass through her. ‘However, I’d never forgive myself if I abandoned you, Becky. Mum wrote and told me what had happened to Steve. I’m really sorry. Losing your husband like that must have been horrendous. You’ve had a really rough time and I’d like to help any way I can, even if it’s only by seeing to your luggage.’

Becky felt a lump come to her throat when she heard genuine concern in his voice and looked away. She was afraid that she would do something silly if she wasn’t careful, and cry. She had learned to hold back her tears in the past year for Millie’s sake. It hadn’t seemed fair to upset her daughter so what little crying she’d done had been done in private. Maybe it was tiredness or the fact that she’d been caught unawares by seeing Ewan again, but she knew it would take very little to make her break down.

‘Thank you,’ she said quietly. ‘You’re very kind.’

‘It’s my pleasure.’ He touched her hand then turned towards the carousel, thankfully missing the start she gave.

Becky took a deep breath as she focused on the cases travelling along the conveyor belt. She was tired, so it was little wonder that she seemed to be overreacting. The fact that her pulse had started racing when Ewan had touched her wasn’t an indication of anything else.

She finally spotted her case and pointed to it. ‘That’s my case—the red one with the yellow tag on it.’

‘Okey-dokey.’ Ewan elbowed his way through the crowd and lifted the case off the belt with an ease that belied its weight. Setting it down on the floor, he looked at her. ‘I take it that you’re being met?’

‘Yes.’ Becky sighed. ‘Mum and Dad insisted on coming to meet us. I tried to talk them out of it but they were adamant.’

‘Of course they were.’ Ewan frowned as he released the handle of her suitcase and turned it towards the exit. ‘You’ve just flown right across the globe, Becky. Anyone would be tired after a journey like that—I know I am. Plus you’ve had the added stress of looking after your daughter. What’s the point of making your life even more difficult by refusing to let your parents collect you?’

Becky bit her lip. What Ewan had said made sense but she still felt bad about her parents making the long drive from Devon. They had been through enough in the past year thanks to her and she was determined that she wasn’t going to put them under any more pressure. Once again the thought that she might be making a mistake by returning to England rose to her mind.

She’d thought long and hard before she had made her decision but, in the end, she had accepted that she didn’t have a choice. She needed to work to provide for herself and Millie, and the cost of full-time childcare would have been exorbitant. There simply wouldn’t have been enough money left over each month to pay all the other bills. Her parents had not only offered her and Millie a home, but her mother had offered to look after Millie while Becky went out to work. Becky knew that she should be grateful for their kindness, and she was, but it wasn’t easy to sacrifice her independence. She would be right back where she’d been eight years ago, living with her parents and dreaming about Ewan.

The thought slid into her mind so fast that she didn’t have time to stop it. Becky shook her head, determined to dislodge it as she followed Ewan towards the exit. There was no chance of history repeating itself. Maybe she had fallen under Ewan’s spell once upon a time but it was Steve she had married and Steve she had loved….

Hadn’t she?

Becky felt her breath catch as her eyes rested on Ewan’s broad back. All of a sudden she wasn’t sure what was true any more. Had she loved Steve, really loved him, or had he merely fitted her idea of the perfect husband? Steve had appeared so calm and dependable, so focused on what he wanted from life. They’d held similar views, shared the same objectives—marriage, a home and a family—that she had believed she had found her soulmate. Ewan, however, had been very, very different.

Ewan had been charming, funny, exciting, sexy—everything Steve hadn’t. Although he’d had numerous girlfriends, he’d made no secret of the fact that he didn’t plan on settling down. As he’d stated on many occasions there was a great big world waiting to be explored and he was going to do his level best to see as much of it as possible. Even though she had been deeply attracted to him, and had known he’d felt the same about her, Becky had realised it wouldn’t work. They had wanted such different things out of life that any kind of relationship had been doomed from the outset.

In the end she had chosen to stay with Steve, sure in her own mind that it was the right decision. Steve had offered her the security she’d wanted, the chance to create a marriage exactly like her parents’—stable and enduring. It was only now, looking back, that she found herself wondering if she had made the biggest mistake of her life. Who knew what might have happened if she had chosen Ewan?

Ewan could feel a knot of tension twisting his guts. He took a deep breath, forcing the oxygen through his lungs. Seeing Becky at Christchurch Airport had been a shock admittedly, but he’d had hours to get over it. As he had sat in the cramped confines of the aircraft, he had, quite deliberately, gone over everything that had happened eight years ago.

He’d been doing his rotations and Becky had been in her final year, training as a nurse, when they had met at the hospital where they were both seconded. Although they both came from the Bride’s Bay area, he was a few years older than her so she’d not been part of his set. It had been a while since he’d seen her, in fact, and Ewan had been surprised by how attractive she was. Not only was she extremely pretty but she had a lively and engaging mind.

He’d got into the habit of stopping by the ward she was on, timing his visits to coincide with her breaks. They’d chatted about this and that over coffee, but each knew the conversation was merely a cover for their real feelings. If he was attracted to her then it was obvious that Becky felt the same about him. Although he knew that she was seeing someone—a definite no-no in his book as he made a point of never encroaching on another man’s territory—he asked her out and she accepted.

They went for dinner at a little bistro down by the river recommended by one of his friends. Candlelight, soft music, discreetly attentive waiters—it was so self-consciously romantic that it would have been laughable if Ewan hadn’t been mortified in case Becky thought he was trying to seduce her. However, when he apologised, she simply laughed. And it was then that he realised he could very easily fall in love with her.

He drove her home afterwards with his head in a spin. He had always ruled out the possibility of falling in love just yet. He wanted to see something of the world before he settled down and making a commitment like that would make that impossible. However, meeting Becky had changed everything; he was no longer certain what he wanted any more. And when he kissed her, right there in the street, he was less certain than ever. Maybe he had found something even more wonderful than anything the world had to offer?

In other circumstances he might have asked her if he could spend the night with her but what had happened was just too profound. He drove himself home in a state of turmoil, aware that he needed to decide what he was going to do. However, before he could work it out, Becky came to see him. She told him that she and Steve were getting engaged and that in the circumstances she didn’t think they should see each other again. Whilst Ewan was stunned by the announcement, he was also relieved. Now he could carry on with his plans, do everything he wanted to do. There was nothing and no one to hold him back, although if Becky hadn’t called a halt, he wasn’t sure if he could have done so …

Ewan cursed under his breath as they reached the arrivals hall. He was acting like an idiot by thinking about all that. It was over and done with and they had both moved on. Turning, he smiled at Becky, seeing the dark circles that exhaustion had painted under her eyes. His hands clenched because it was all he could do not to reach out and smooth them away.

‘Where did your parents say they’d meet you?’

‘They said they’d be waiting when I came through Customs …’ She broke off, a smile lighting her face. ‘There they are!’

Ewan turned, glad of the excuse not to look at her. When she smiled like that she looked like the old Becky, the one he had found so beguiling, and it wasn’t easy to reconcile the mix of emotions that thought aroused. There had been umpteen women in his life since Becky. Admittedly, none of them had made much of an impression on him, but he hadn’t wanted them to. He’d been happy to play the field and enjoy his life as a bachelor. Maybe he had decided it was time he settled down, but he wasn’t in a rush. He would wait until he found the right woman …

If he hadn’t found her already.

Ewan felt alarm scud through him. Was Becky that woman? Was it possible that he was still attracted to her? He didn’t want to believe it but he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t feel anything. Maybe it was only sympathy because of what she’d been through, but, there again, maybe it was something more.

He groaned. Once again it felt as though all his plans were up in the air. And once again it was all down to Becky!

CHAPTER TWO

‘DARLING, IT’S so wonderful to see you!’

Becky smiled as her mother enveloped her in a hug. She hugged her back, surprised by the feeling of relief that swept over her. Maybe she did have reservations about coming back to England, but she couldn’t deny that it was good to know she wasn’t on her own anymore. She kissed her mother’s cheek then turned to her father.

‘Hello, Dad. How are you?’

‘All the better for seeing you, sweetheart.’ Simon Harper gave her a bear hug then bent down and chucked Millie under the chin. ‘And for seeing you, too, poppet.’

Becky felt a lump come to her throat when she saw tears in his eyes. Her parents had been marvellous and she knew that she wouldn’t have coped without their support. No matter how difficult it was, she was going to make sure their new living arrangements worked for all of them. Perhaps it would be like stepping back in time, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was a bad thing. A lot of good things had happened in the past, like her friendship with Ewan.

Heat rushed through her as she glanced at him. He was standing to one side, obviously giving them the chance to say their hellos in private. It was so typically considerate of him that Becky’s heartstrings twanged. Despite his playboy image, Ewan had always been incredibly thoughtful. It was one of the reasons why she’d been attracted to him, that plus the fact that he’d been so exciting and sexy, of course. She had never felt bored when she was with Ewan but wonderfully, vibrantly alive.

She blanked out the thought as she turned to her mother again. She wouldn’t allow herself to be seduced by memories. She’d had her fill of relationships and she didn’t intend to make the mistake of getting involved again. ‘Ewan very kindly helped me with my luggage.’

‘Ewan?’ Ros Harper repeated uncertainly as she glanced at him. Her face suddenly cleared and she smiled in delight. ‘Ewan! What a wonderful surprise.’

‘It’s good to see you too, Mrs Harper.’ Ewan stepped forward and shook hands with Ros then turned to Simon. ‘And you, too, sir.’

Simon smiled warmly as he shook the younger man’s hand. ‘Make that Simon, eh? I heard via the grapevine that you were coming back to England, although I thought you’d been working in Australia, not New Zealand.’

‘I was,’ Ewan agreed. ‘I did a twelve-month stint at a hospital in Sydney.’ He shrugged. ‘I did consider staying on there but in the end the lure of home was too strong. I popped over to New Zealand on my way back to visit my sister. Shona’s third child is due any day and I was hoping it would arrive while I was there, but no such luck.’

‘Another grandchild for your parents!’ Ros exclaimed. ‘How many is that now?’

‘Eight … or is it nine?’ Ewan grinned. ‘I’ve lost track. We MacLeods tend to be highly productive in the baby-making department.’

Everyone laughed at the comment, Becky included, although there was a hollow ache inside her. She bent down, tucking a lightweight blanket around Millie so that nobody would notice how much it hurt. She still found it hard to accept that she would never have another child. She loved children and had planned to have at least four, but the accident that had cost Steve his life had robbed her of that chance. She stood up, feeling her heart lurch when she caught Ewan’s eyes and saw the concern they held. Surely, he hadn’t realised something was wrong?

‘Right, let’s get you two home.’

Her father’s voice broke into her thoughts. Becky quickly settled her bag on her shoulder then took a deep breath before turning to Ewan. Maybe he did suspect that something wasn’t right but that was all it would ever be—a suspicion. She wasn’t going to tell Ewan the truth about the accident, wasn’t going to tell anyone, in fact. It was hard enough having to live with the guilt without everyone knowing what she had done.

‘Thank you again for all your help, Ewan. It really was kind of you.’

‘My pleasure.’

He smiled but his deep blue eyes were searching as they rested on her. Becky shifted uncomfortably. Maybe she didn’t plan on telling people the truth but if anyone could get it out of her, it would be Ewan. She had told Ewan things that she’d told no one else, not even Steve. Definitely not Steve.

He looked away and she breathed a sigh of relief, which was short-lived when she heard her father ask him if he wanted a lift. Although she knew it was selfish, she couldn’t face the thought of having to travel all the way back to Devon with Ewan in the car in her present frame of mind.

‘Thank you, but I’m staying in London with my brother until I can sort out my accommodation. Ryan and I plan to down a few beers and catch up on what’s been happening.’ He laughed. ‘Always assuming I manage to stay awake long enough, of course!’

He smiled at them, his gaze lingering a fraction longer on Becky, but she didn’t respond. Maybe he would think she was being churlish but it was better than allowing herself to be drawn into making a confession. When he bade them farewell, she didn’t make a fuss, certainly didn’t make any attempt to arrange to see him again. Meeting him like this had been a chance encounter. It wasn’t an excuse to resume their former relationship.

Becky knew she was doing the right thing, yet it didn’t explain the sense of loss she felt as she watched him wending his way through the crowd. Even though she knew it was foolish, she was going to miss him.

Ewan took a taxi to his brother’s flat and let himself in, using the key Ryan had left with a neighbour. He dumped his bag on the living room floor and flopped down onto a chair with a sigh that stemmed partly from weariness but mainly from frustration. What was wrong with Becky? Why had she behaved so warily towards him?

Closing his eyes, he tried to conjure up her image, surprised by how easy it was. He’d not thought about her in ages and yet—hey, presto!—there she was in his head: honey-gold hair, hazel eyes, that pert little nose. She had changed, of course, but she was still incredibly pretty. Although she was a shade too thin in his opinion, she had a very feminine figure with curves in all the right places….

He groaned as his body responded with predictable enthusiasm to that thought. He might be bone-tired but his libido was in fine fettle! Not that it should be a surprise because Becky had always had this effect on him. In fact, he couldn’t think of a single woman he’d dated in the past eight years who had aroused him the way Becky had done.

The thought was too near the knuckle. Ewan got up and went into the kitchen. Ryan had told him to make himself at home so he took him at his word as he set to and made himself a fry-up. Eggs, bacon, sausages—the plate was heaving by the time he finished. He sat down at the table and tucked in, but after a couple of mouthfuls was forced to admit defeat. He didn’t want food. He wanted answers. He wanted to know what was wrong with Becky and he wouldn’t rest until he found out, although he refused to delve too deeply into the reason why. Suffice it to say that Becky had meant a lot to him at one point. Even though that was all in the past, he hoped they could be friends.

He got up and scraped the uneaten food into the bin, trying to ignore the mocking little voice in his head. Friendship was all he wanted from her. Nothing more!

It was several days before Becky got over her jet-lag. Fortunately, Millie didn’t seem to be affected by it and soon settled down in their new home. Her parents had had her old room redecorated so it felt less like stepping back in time than it could have done. They’d also turned her brother’s room into a bright and cheerful nursery, complete with lots of colourful posters of Millie’s favourite cartoon characters.

Becky could tell they’d gone to a great deal of trouble to make her and Millie feel welcome and she was grateful, but it still felt odd to be living under their roof again. She made up her mind that she would find a place of her own as soon as she could, and that meant finding a job. Although she scoured the local papers each day, there were very few jobs available. As a highly qualified nurse practitioner, she had a lot to offer, but cutbacks in the health service meant there were few posts being advertised. All she could hope was that something would turn up eventually.

She was washing the breakfast dishes a week after she’d returned when her father poked his head round the kitchen door. Millie was helping her and the floor was awash with soap suds. ‘Mind you don’t slip,’ she warned him. ‘This little lady gets as much water on the floor as she gets on the dishes.’

‘I wonder who she takes after,’ Simon said, drolly. He stepped over the puddles and dropped a kiss on his granddaughter’s head. ‘You are doing a wonderful job helping Mummy, poppet.’

Millie smiled beatifically as she beat her small hands up and down in the water and Becky groaned. ‘It’ll be like Noah’s flood in here soon. We’ll need our very own ark!’

Simon laughed. ‘It’s only water, sweetheart. It will soon mop up. Anyway, seeing as Millie is happily occupied, can I have a word?’

‘Of course.’ Becky dried her hands on a towel, wondering what he wanted to speak to her about. ‘Nothing’s wrong, is there?’

‘No, no, not at all,’ Simon assured her. ‘It’s just that I have a proposition for you but before I tell you what it is, I want you to promise me that you’ll say no if you don’t like the idea.’

‘That sounds very mysterious,’ Becky said, laughing.

Simon smiled. ‘I suppose it does. It’s just that I don’t want you to feel that you’re under any sort of … well, obligation.’

‘Curiouser and curiouser. Come on, Dad, tell me what’s going on.’

‘All right. You know that Brenda Roberts took over as practice nurse at the surgery when Emily left to get married?’

‘Yes. Brenda came out of retirement so she could help you.’

‘That’s right.’ Simon sighed. ‘I was really grateful to her, too. Although we had plenty of interest when we advertised the post, we didn’t find anyone who we felt would fit in.’

‘It’s difficult to find the right person,’ Becky observed.

‘Exactly. Anyway, Brenda’s just informed me that she would like to leave at the end of the month. Apparently, her husband, Fred, is taking early retirement and they’ve decided to go and live in their apartment in Spain.’

‘What a shame!’ Becky exclaimed. ‘Not for Brenda and Fred of course, but it’s going to make life difficult for you and the rest of the team.’

‘It is. It will mean us having to advertise again and that will take time. That’s why I was wondering if you’d consider helping out?’

‘You want me to cover until you find someone?’

‘Yes. Or, better still, maybe consider taking the job on a permanent basis,’ Simon said quietly. ‘With all the changes we’re having to make now that we’ve been awarded health centre status, I need staff I can rely on. You fit the bill perfectly, darling, although I’ll understand if you feel it’s too much, living and working with your father.’

‘I’d never thought about it,’ Becky said slowly. ‘But it does make sense. I mean, I need a job and if I’m working here at the surgery then I’ll be on hand for Millie. I have to admit that I was worried about leaving her for long stretches, even if she was with Mum.’

‘So you’ll think about it?’ Simon said hopefully.

Becky smiled. ‘There’s nothing to think about. I’d be delighted to take the job if you think I’m suitable.’

‘Great!’ Simon gave her a hug then glanced at his watch. He grimaced. ‘I know this is a bit of cheek, but is there any chance that you could start right away? We’re overrun with patients needing BP checks this morning and it would really help to take the pressure off us if you would give Brenda a hand.’

‘Slave driver!’ Becky laughed. ‘Of course I can start immediately, so long as Mum will look after Millie.’

‘Oh, there’s no problem about that. Your mother is longing to have this little one all to herself for a couple of hours,’ Simon assured her. ‘I’ll just let her know what’s happening.’

Becky cleared up after her father left, feeling her spirits lift when it struck her that she’d taken her first step towards regaining her independence. Once she was earning regular money, she could look for a place of her own, somewhere she could turn into a proper home for her and Millie. Millie needed stability after all the recent upsets and Becky was determined she was going to give her that.