Kitabı oku: «The Secrets of Jin-Shei», sayfa 2
Two
Tai stayed away from the inner gardens for several days after her meeting with the Little Empress. She could not have said why – she had felt both exhilarated and frightened by her encounter with Antian, and something in her preferred to avoid a repetition until she could sort it all out in her head.
She made herself useful to her mother instead. She had been trained well, by a renowned artist, and despite her tender age she was already an accomplished seamstress and needleworker, with a gift for design and a meticulous transformation from sketch or a mere mind-picture to magnificent Court garb embroidery. The hem on Antian’s gown had been simple, an early attempt. By this time Rimshi was trusting her daughter with gold embroidery, with designs including pearls and little pieces of coloured glass, with complicated swirls representing dragons and water-serpents. Tai had been working on one particular design, using the stylized symbol for the Female Earth symbol of the Buffalo – her own birth sign – for some time, her small, neat stitching covering the hem and the edges of a heavy formal outer robe made of stiff brocaded golden silk; she used her days of self-imposed exile from the gardens to devote herself to finishing this complex task. When she handed the completed robe to Rimshi for inspection, her mother smiled at her, covering her mouth with one hand as was her habit to hide a missing tooth.
‘This one is for your friend,’ Rimshi said.
Tai would not have claimed the friendship, but knew immediately to whom Rimshi was referring. Her cheeks flushed scarlet. ‘For the Princess? This is for the Little Empress?’
‘Herself. You cannot avoid what is there for you,’ Rimshi said, rather cryptically. She was given to being oracular sometimes.
Tai went back to the garden the next morning, early, while the quick-drying summer dew was still on the flowers. Some were still closed, sleepily waiting for the sun to clear the high walls and pour its golden light into the courtyard, and others were open, eager, breathing in the morning air. It was already warm.
She had brought her drawing stuff but the garden was still drowsy with morning and only just stirring into life. She rarely went out onto the balconies in the morning, because their treasure lay in the sunset hour, but she decided to go out and sit looking at the mountains until the butterflies returned to the inner courts.
She had thought she would be alone out here, but drew a startled breath as she padded out onto the smooth paving stone of the terrace, paper and chalk under her arm, and saw that someone was already there.
Someone with her hair dressed in two long, simple, unadorned black braids which reached almost to the backs of her knees, dressed in the sleeveless robe whose hem Tai recognized. Someone who turned at her approach, and smiled, motioning her forward.
‘I looked for you in the garden,’ Antian said, with only the faintest tone of command in her voice.
‘I was working on a robe,’ Tai said. And then, because she couldn’t help it, smiled. ‘Yours, Princess. The one with the buffalo border. I share the sign.’
‘I have not seen it yet,’ Antian said, returning the smile. ‘I look forward to it, knowing the hand that worked it. Have you been drawing?’
‘Not in the last few days, Princess.’
‘Call me Antian,’ said the other, with a wave of her hand. ‘We are alone, and there is no need for protocol here, in this place, halfway between heaven and earth.’
‘I come here in the evenings,’ Tai said carefully.
‘And I, in the mornings,’ said the Princess, with a little laugh. ‘And nobody else I know comes here at all.’
‘Why?’ Tai asked, looking at the valley and the river below them. The light was different, bright, molten-white summer morning sunshine; it almost blotted out the looming mountains with its sheer intensity. ‘Why the morning? You can’t see anything.’
‘My time is less my own in the evenings,’ Antian said. ‘Tell me about what you come here to see.’
So Tai described, haltingly at first, then with increasing confidence, the golden river flowing into the sunset – and then the new thing she had absorbed for the first time only the other day, the stars coming out in the summer sky. Antian listened, not interrupting, until Tai came to a halt and drew a deep breath, her eyes still shining with her vision. She realized that the Princess was watching her with a small smile of admiration lighting the slanted dark eyes.
‘You have a gift,’ she said. ‘You have the sight and the tongue of a poet. Not only through your hands but through your heart and your mind and what you see and you hear.’ She tossed her head impatiently. ‘So few around me have that ability,’ she said, ‘to paint me a picture – with chalk, or with thread, or with words. I have to come here at sunset one day and see these things of which you have spoken. Would you like to join my household?’
The last was unexpected, a question that rounded the corner of the rest of Antian’s words and ambushed Tai with the force of a blow in the stomach. Her eyes were wide with consternation, but what came out was something that was surprised out of her, something that, had she had the remotest chance of thinking about, she could never have said at all.
‘No, Princess.’
They stared at each other in mutual shock – one because she was not used to being refused, the other because she could not believe that she had just uttered the words of refusal to the face of an Imperial Princess.
But Tai knew why she had said what she had said. Driven to explain, to take back that blurted no that had come tumbling out of her, she raised the hand which still clutched her chalks and her paper.
‘Princess …; Antian …; I …; I am honoured. But my mother has told me …;’
‘Don’t look like that. You are not a slave, and I won’t go out and buy you with gold,’ Antian said, her voice startlingly sad. ‘I like the way you make me see things. That’s all.’
‘My mother has told me something of the Imperial Court,’ Tai said. ‘Of the way things are done, they have to be done, the way everyone’s life is planned and controlled, the way you have to make sure your hair is in place and your hands are in position and you are not allowed to smile or to talk or to look where you are not supposed to look.’
‘Yes,’ said Antian, ‘I know.’
‘I would have to be like that, too. And that would mean …; I couldn’t watch the butterflies.’
‘I know,’ said Antian again, this time with a sigh. ‘You are right. It is a life that binds. You made the buffalo robe with vision but I will wear it with ceremony. I was just wishing …; for someone to let me see the things that ceremony makes me blind to.’ She looked up at the battlements behind them, rising tier upon tier, and straightened. ‘I should probably go in now,’ she said, suddenly reverting to a curious formality. ‘I will look forward to seeing you in the gardens again soon, Painter of Butterflies.’
‘Wait,’ said Tai impulsively as the Princess turned to leave. Antian turned her head, watched as Tai fumbled within her sheaf of papers, extracted the drawing she had been working on the day Antian had first seen her in the gardens. She held it out, suddenly shy. ‘I’d like you …; to have this …; if you want to.’
Antian took the somewhat smudged drawing with a small smile. ‘Thank you,’ she said. There was the slightest of hesitations, as though she had meant to say something else and caught herself, and then she merely inclined her head in a tiny regal motion and turned away.
Tai stayed on the balcony for a long time, alone, staring out into the valley.
‘The Little Empress liked her gown,’ Rimshi said to Tai when she returned to their room later that day after an afternoon fitting session with the princesses. ‘I told her it was mostly your work, and she was pleased to give me something for you.’
Tai looked up, wary. ‘For me?’
‘So she said.’ Rimshi raised her hand to cover her smile. ‘I have brought it to you, here. She said, “Tell your daughter that this is for the butterflies and for the golden river.”’
Tai took the small square package wrapped in an oddment of scarlet silk and unfolded the material to reveal a small book, a journal with a hundred pages gleaming white and blank and waiting to be filled with thoughts and visions, bound in soft, bright red leather with leather ties to hold it closed. Tai’s hands caressed the smooth binding, opened and closed the book several times. Tears which she could not explain stung her eyes. This, after she had told Antian no?
‘This is a precious thing,’ Rimshi said, observing her daughter’s reaction. ‘She thinks highly of you, it seems.’
‘She likes what I see,’ Tai murmured.
‘Ah,’ said Rimshi, still smiling. ‘Use it well, then, to share that vision.’
‘Look,’ Tai said suddenly, lifting a piece of very fine paper which had been laid between the last page and the back cover. ‘There is something else here. Look!’
‘It looks like a letter,’ Rimshi said.
Tai looked up in consternation. ‘I cannot read letters!’
‘This one you can, I think,’ Rimshi said. ‘She would have written in the women’s tongue.’
‘Jin-ashu? The princesses know jin-ashu, too?’
‘All women know jin-ashu,’ murmured Rimshi. ‘It is our language, the language of jin-shei – passed from mother to daughter from the dawn of time, letting us speak freely of the thoughts and dreams and desires hidden deep in a woman’s heart. Of things men do not understand and do not need to know.’
Tai opened the folded piece of paper with reverence. ‘There is only one thing here,’ she said.
‘What does it say?’ Rimshi asked, although she knew, and her heart leapt at what her daughter had just been given.
Tai lifted shining eyes. ‘Jin-shei,’ she whispered.
So young …;
Rimshi had been twelve years old when she had exchanged her first jin-shei vow – with Meilin, the daughter and heir of a family which owned a thriving silk business in Linh-an. It was in their workshop that the young Rimshi had first seen silk thread, had first touched silk cloth, had embroidered her first clumsy sampler in silk – all when she was younger still, much younger than twelve years old. And then the friendship with Meilin had deepened into something else, and they had said the words to each other – jin-shei. After that Meilin, the elder by a handful of years and therefore more accomplished, saw to it that Rimshi’s talents were noticed, and she had been given training and instruction in the silk embroidery.
Jin-shei had shaped Rimshi’s life – it was jin-shei that gave her the gift of her trade, and it was jin-shei, with another jin-shei-bao who had gone on to be an Emperor’s concubine, that had given her the place to practise it. Rimshi had told Tai about the second story and Tai knew all about the romance of it, the glory of the poor but beautiful girl being taken into the Imperial Palace to be a princess. Tai knew only the light of jin-shei, its joys; Rimshi had thought she would still have time to teach her daughter about its duties and its responsibilities. And now it was here, offered by a girl who would be Empress one day.
It could be refused, simply by making no response to the offer, by not accepting jin-shei by responding with the same words. But Rimshi looked at Tai’s face and the bright wide eyes and could think of no reason for her to refuse this great gift that she had been offered. There would be time still, Cahan willing, to teach Tai about the true meaning of the sisterhood – time enough for everything.
But right now it was a star, a bright and glorious thing that lit up Tai and made her whole being glow with the joy of it.
‘Jin-shei,’ Tai repeated, almost with awe. ‘The Little Empress wants me to be her friend.’
Rimshi slipped an arm around her daughter’s thin shoulders and hugged her into her side, tightly. ‘The Little Empress,’ she said, ‘wants you to be her sister, my Tai.’
Three
Summer wrapped Linh-an, the capital city of Syai, like a shroud. The walls of the city shimmered with it well before the bells of noon from the Great Temple. But summer or winter, the Imperial Guard compound had its routine. The trainees traditionally found something to whine about in every season of the year. Come late autumn they would complain about being expected to do their drills in the cold rain; in winter they would carp about chilblains and frostbite; now, with summer just beginning to settle in, they did their manoeuvres in the cobbled practice yard, the heat reflecting off the grey compound walls, the straw-covered cobbles warm through the thin soles of their practice boots in which their feet slid and sweated. The orderly hierarchies were observed here as everywhere in Linh-an – the élite cohorts practised in the cool of the early morning, or in the early evening when the evening breezes would start to cool their bare arms, sheened with sweat. They made it all look so easy – the choreographed fights with single blade, double blades, iron-tipped staves, unarmed wrestling in the corner of the yard where the ground was left unpaved to lessen risk of injury. They wore black pants, tucked into their boots, and black sleeveless practice singlets, men and women alike; a bandanna tied low on their forehead mopped up the sweat dripping into their eyes. These were the old pros, the survivors, their arms tattooed with the insignia of several Emperors. The oldest of them wore up to three or even four – the tusk for the Ivory Emperor, currently on Syai’s throne, then the sigils that had belonged to the Sapphire Emperor, the Serpent Emperor. Two even wore the sign of the Lapis Emperor, the oldest of the Guard, the best.
The current cadre, Guardsmen and Guardswomen with a single tattoo or maybe two, trained straight after the élite forces while the mornings were still as cool as they were going to be in that molten summer, or just before them, in the shimmering heat which pooled in the courtyards in the late afternoon. That left the practice yard free for the rest of the day for the young ones, the children raised by the Guard to fill their ranks.
Often these were the sons and daughters of the Guard, but these children were not forced into their parents’ profession, and there were always gaps to be filled. With the unwanted, the orphaned, the abandoned – the ones adopted, clothed and fed by the Guard, the ones who owed their life to the Guard. It wasn’t indenture, quite, but in some ways it was worse. Although there was always a theoretical way out for a child like this, they were never allowed to forget their debt to the Guard, and by the time they were old enough to choose for themselves they could not choose other than the only life they had ever known. Sometimes barely weaned babies, still in their swaddling clothes, were found abandoned on the doorstep of the Guard compound – orphans or children from families too poor to raise them. That had been Xaforn’s lineage.
The only thing Xaforn knew about herself was that she belonged to the Guard. There had been nothing left with her when she was found – no amulet, no word, not even a name. All of what she was, all of who she was, she owed to the Guard. She had started watching the élite forces at their daily drills when she was barely five years old, and by the time she was seven and her own cadre of youngsters had been started out on the basic falls, rolls and gymnastics training she had been practising a few things on her own and shone out like a diamond. She was tough and wiry, long-legged, with promise of height; hard daily physical exercise kept her lean and limber. Within six months of starting training she had been plucked from the novices who were still stumbling around getting no more than bruises out of their early training and started as the youngest trainee in the cadre two levels above raw beginners. She was two, even three years younger than everyone else in her ‘class’, and the fact that she was better than many of them earned her few friends in the cadre. She preferred it that way. She was one of the few to take whatever the season threw at her without a word, without a whimper – summer sweats or winter chills, she was Guard, and she trained with a focus and a silent concentration which sometimes scared even her teachers.
‘That one will kill early, or be killed,’ they’d tell each other, watching Xaforn go through her exercises.
‘Be killed in training,’ they’d add, as they watched her challenge much more advanced opponents to practice fights, and lose, and challenge again with her strategy and her movements changed from one fight to the next, learning from every defeat, every mistake.
‘She scares me,’ one of the three-tattoo élites had murmured once, watching Xaforn trying to perfect a particularly difficult kick, doing it again and again, losing her balance, refusing to accept defeat. ‘Give her a few more years in the practice yard, and I’d send Xaforn to guard the Palace alone against an invasion of barbarians from the plains. They’d be dead of exhaustion before any of them got close enough to wound her.’
Xaforn didn’t know about that remark, but she trained as though she was trying to live up to it. She trained as though she was preparing for some imminent war that only she could see coming.
Her only vanity was her hair. Most of the women in the Guard cut theirs short; it fit better under helmets and took less care. Xaforn’s was in a long braid which she usually wore wrapped tightly around her small head; but sometimes, when practising alone, it was left to hang down her back and it whipped as she whirled and kicked and rolled her way through the fight exercises. For some reason this made her look even more dangerous. She was due to turn ten at the end of this long, hot summer, and already they were talking about promoting her up to yet another level in the coming autumn. She would be training with the fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds, the class only a year away from full induction into the Guard.
She fully intended to join the Guard at the first opportunity offered to her. When she was fourteen, maybe; thirteen, even. There could be uses for someone as young and light on her feet as Xaforn was.
But, for now, she was still young, she was still a trainee, she was still fair game for chores and message-running if someone more senior managed to collar her before she gave them the slip. Leaving the practice yard, braid swinging, mopping the sweat glistening in the hollow of her throat, an equally sweaty and flushed Guardsman stopped her at the entrance to the compound.
‘Ah. Good. You can run the errand for me, and I can get back to my business,’ he said pleasantly. ‘Captain Aric is needed at the Palace. See that the message reaches him.’
‘Where is he?’ Xaforn shouted at the Guardsman’s retreating back.
‘How should I know? That’s why I’m sending you,’ he retorted, trotting away back to the group fencing with sword and dagger out in the yard.
Muttering imprecations under her breath, Xaforn broke into a jog and made for the inner compound where the living quarters were. She didn’t like that part of the compound – perhaps it reminded her too much of all that she had never known. Foundlings and orphans, the children left to the Guard to raise, were housed separately in their own dormitories; the closest they came to experiencing actual family life was observing the family compound, watching children sired or borne by individual Guards tumbling around the inner courts while the women of the household squabbled and cooked and chased toddlers intent on finding trouble. There was a part of Xaforn that fiercely desired the closeness, the sense of belonging, that seemed to cling to these walls – and another part of her despised it for its weakness, its vulnerability, for being the soft underbelly of the Imperial Guard. For Xaforn, family meant only the cadre – the group of warriors that she had been raised to become a part of. She had never known a mother or a sibling; her life had been lived under discipline, not affection. She was incorruptible, unbribable, there was nobody whose welfare mattered to her enough to tempt her into betraying her calling – and she could see a Guardsman father hesitating at the threat of a knife held to the throat of one of these cherished children.
At a cursory glance the courtyard appeared to be full of only the vulnerable ones, just the women, the children, the families. But then she noticed Aric’s daughter, Qiaan of the long face – few people could lay claim to ever having seen that girl smile – and veered off to intercept her.
‘I’ve been sent to look for Captain Aric,’ Xaforn said without preamble. ‘Do you know where he is to be found?’
‘He was here earlier,’ Qiaan said, with studied unhelpfulness. Her eyes were hooded, her expression carefully blank. As a child of an Imperial Guard captain, she was steeped in Guard traditions – but Xaforn, the foundling, belonged to the Guard far more comprehensively than Qiaan, its daughter, had ever done. Qiaan could not, had never been able to, understand the devotion to duty, to being a honed weapon. She didn’t know what she was, but she knew what she wasn’t – and she wasn’t Xaforn’s kind of animal at all.
Xaforn would have been tearing the eyes out of anyone who would attempt to make the grave error of turning her into a lady who wore silks and reclined gracefully in Palace luxury; Qiaan had likewise snarled at the merest suggestion that she might consider the Guard as her path in life. All the children were asked; only a few of them accepted, but even those who did not were still Guard enough to admire or at least appreciate the Guard and the lineage it gave them.
Qiaan, however, was different.
Qiaan’s father was a high-ranking Guard captain, and his duties frequently kept him away from his family, but at least he was affectionate to his daughter when he was with her. But her mother, Rochanaa, veered between a kind of despairing affection and an inexplicable coolness; sometimes it seemed that it was all she could bear to just look on Qiaan’s face. Bounced between these reactions, the child had never known what reception her overtures to her mother would receive, and had, in the end, stopped making any. By the time Qiaan turned eleven her relationship with her mother had soured and solidified into something scrupulously correct and curiously formal. With her father all too often physically absent, and her mother abdicating emotional closeness, Qiaan was adrift, detached from her own immediate kin and incapable of belonging to the often insular ‘family’ of the Imperial Guard. If anyone had asked her, she would have dismissed the idea of ever having wanted to achieve this distance from the Guard and all that the Guard meant – but she was reminded of her failures, her possible inadequacies, when she met up with someone who truly belonged, like Xaforn.
The two of them reacted to each other like two explosively opposite chemicals in an alchemist’s alembic, aching to absorb the best they saw the other as possessing. They were still too young to understand the reasons why.
Face to face in the courtyard, Xaforn, the younger by fully a year, managed to draw herself up and give every impression of looking down on Qiaan as someone clearly younger or inferior. ‘The captain is wanted at the Palace,’ she said, ‘and I will go in search of him myself. But you ought to have enough respect for his position and his duty to make sure the message reaches him as soon as possible, if I do not find him.’
‘Oh, I know all about duty,’ said Qiaan, a little acidly. ‘Good hunting, Xaforn.’
‘Soft,’ hissed Xaforn, just before she swept out of earshot.
‘Besotted,’ Qiaan returned, making sure she had the last word. She was rather good at that.
Both girls departed, pursuing their own errands, equally stung. It was the summer, it was the heat. Tempers were frayed everywhere.
But this was the summer of trial for both of them.
Xaforn was intent on becoming. All her life she had been a chrysalis, and this was the last summer she would have to wait for her metamorphosis. If she was good, if she stayed ahead of the pack, autumn would bring promotion, and the next year would, maybe, bring more than that. Xaforn knew, knew with a passion born of yearning, that once she was a full-fledged Guard she would always have a place to belong, she would know who she was, she would have a home.
Qiaan was equally focused on being. She was cast in a role, but one which she found it difficult to interpret. She was young, but she was not unobservant – and there was a coolness between her parents, a coolness which she could sense deepen when she entered the presence of both of them at the same time, a coolness which her mother then passed on to her when her father departed once again to take up his duties at the compound and the Palace. Qiaan was an unwitting pawn in some adult game – but that was just an instinct, not a knowledge, and she had no idea how to act in order to lessen the impact of the situation on her own life. She tried to be a dutiful daughter, to the best of her ability. When her mother, a transplanted Southerner who was sometimes fiercely homesick for her own people, thawed far enough to share some aspect of her childhood or her culture with Qiaan, the child tried to listen, to learn – but those times were rare, and it was more common by far to be rebuffed by a cool word or a refusal of a touch. Rochanaa did her duty and passed on to Qiaan all that a mother should teach a daughter – but no more than that.
They were both, Guard foundling and Guard daughter, fiercely lonely.
In the third week of Chanain, with summer coming to a boil and the skies bleached white with the heat within city walls, Xaforn turned a corner in the Guard compound and discovered four boys surrounding a hissing and bedraggled cat. They appeared to be passing something from one to another, laughing, keeping it from the cat which was trying to get at whatever it was, ears flat, fangs bared, howling.
The boys were all three or four years older than Xaforn, and at least two of them were Guard family. Ordinarily she would have left them to their hijinks – what business was it of hers what they were doing to the cat? But then she distinctly heard the thing being tossed from hand to hand whimper softly, and caught a glimpse of a spread-eagled kitten tied to a pair of crossed sticks.
The Guards were just, fair, honourable. This was part of the training, the foundation of Xaforn’s ‘family’. Wanton cruelty had no place here. Besides – although that had nothing to do with it, of course – she rather liked cats.
‘Put it down.’
The timbre of her voice took even her by surprise. It was low, level, dangerous.
One of the boys turned – not one of the Guard ones – and obviously failed to recognize her. He saw a girl, long braid swinging forward over her shoulder, dressed in wide trousers and summer over-tunic, bare feet thrust into a pair of rope-soled sandals.
‘Sure,’ he said. ‘You want to play? Ow!’ Distracted, he’d allowed the mother cat a free swipe, and she had caught him squarely across the shin. He kicked, hard, swearing first at the cat and then, turning, at the girl who had been the indirect cause of his wound – and who had not moved.
‘Put it down,’ Xaforn repeated, taking on the kitten’s cause. One of the other boys did recognize her, and tugged at the scratched one’s sleeve.
‘Dump it,’ he advised his friend, eyes flickering over Xaforn. ‘Not that one.’
‘You afraid of a girl!’
‘That girl, yes. She’s a Guard.’
The other boy snickered. ‘A trainee Guard kid. I got me a trainee Guard kid. Let’s see what they teach them in classes.’
Both the Guard boys were now hanging on the arms of the young show-off, but advising caution merely seemed to inflame his desire to make trouble. It had been he who had been holding the spread-eagled and weakly meowing kitten in his hands; now he tossed it to his fourth companion, who stood looking indecisive as to whether to listen to his gang leader or the two insiders who seemed to have information that the leader lacked.
Xaforn was a head shorter and much lighter than her opponent, and all the boy saw was a thin girl who had challenged his authority. One good blow, and it would be over – she’d be across the courtyard, in a heap in the corner, and there would be good blue bruises all over her face the next morning – or at least that was the plan. He swung, and he never knew what hit him. Xaforn ducked under his arm, pivoted on the ball of her foot, came up behind him and landed a blow on the small of his back and across the kidneys which felled him to his knees, and then drove the edge of her hand into his solar plexus as he tried to rise. He swayed for a moment, his eyes crossed and focused on the tip of his nose, and then fell face first into the cobbles.
The rest, throwing down the kitten, fled.
It had taken a fraction of a second. Xaforn was left in possession of the field, triumphant, a little guilty.
‘You aren’t supposed to beat up the general population,’ a voice said, apparently giving tongue to her guilt.
Xaforn looked down. On her knees on the dusty courtyard cobbles, heedless of a pretty silk robe, Qiaan was extracting the kitten from its torture apparatus.
The mother cat had retreated a few steps and now stood growling softly deep in its throat, but making no sudden movements.
‘What are you doing here?’ Xaforn said waspishly.
‘Just passing through, same as you,’ Qiaan said. The kitten fell into her hands, freed at last, barely breathing. Its eyes were still closed. ‘I don’t even know if it’s old enough to be weaned yet.’
