Kitabı oku: «A Season for Grace»

It didn’t matter that the hamburger joint was littered with uniformed police officers. Mia knew it was him the moment he walked in the door.

Officer Collin Grace sure stood out in a crowd. Brown eyes full of caution swept the room once, as if calculating escape routes, before coming to rest on her. She prided herself on being able to read people. Officer Collin Grace didn’t trust a soul in the place.

Mia fixed her attention on the policeman. With spiked dark hair, slashing eyebrows, and a five-o’clock shadow, he was good-looking in a hard, manly kind of way.

He came over and jacked up an eyebrow. “Miss Carano?”

A bewildering flutter tickled her stomach. “Yes, but I prefer Mia.”

He slid into the booth, and didn’t ask her to use his given name. She wasn’t surprised. He was every bit the cool, detached cop. This wasn’t going to be easy.

LINDA GOODNIGHT

A romantic at heart, Linda Goodnight believes in the traditional values of family and home. Writing books enables her to share her certainty that, with faith and perseverance, love can last forever and happy endings really are possible.

A native of Oklahoma, Linda lives in the country with her husband, Gene, and Mugsy, an adorably obnoxious rat terrier. She and Gene have a blended family of six grown children. An elementary school teacher, she is also a licensed nurse. When time permits, Linda loves to read, watch football and rodeo, and indulge in chocolate. She also enjoys taking long, calorie-burning walks in the nearby woods. Readers can write to her at linda@lindagoodnight.com, or c/o Steeple Hill Books, 233 Broadway, Suite 1001, New York, NY 10279.

A Season for Grace

Linda Goodnight

A father to the fatherless, defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families.

—Psalms 68:5–6

Special thanks to former DHS caseworker Tammy Potter for answering my social services questions, and to my buddy Maggie Price for helping me keep my cop in the realm of reality. Any mistakes or literary license are my own. I would also like to acknowledge the legion of foster and adoptive parents and children who have shared their insight into the painful world of social orphans.

Contents

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Epilogue

Letter to Reader

Questions for Discussion

Prologue

The worst was happening again. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Collin Grace was only ten years old but he’d seen it all and then some. One thing he’d seen too much of was social workers. He hated them. The sweet-talking women with their briefcases and straight skirts and fancy fingernails. They always meant trouble.

Arms stiff, he stood in front of the school counselor’s desk and stared at the office wall. His insides shook so hard he thought he might puke. But he wouldn’t ask to be excused. No way he’d let them know how scared he was. Wouldn’t do no good anyhow.

Betrayal, painful as a stick in the eye, settled low in his belly. He had thought Mr. James liked him, but the counselor had called the social worker.

Didn’t matter. Collin wasn’t going to cry. Not like his brother Drew. Stupid kid was fighting and kicking and screaming like he could stop what was happening.

“Now, Drew.” The social worker tried to soothe the wild brother. Tried to brush his too-long, dark hair out of his furious blue eyes. Drew snarled like a wounded wolf. “Settle down. Everything will be all right.”

That was a lie. And all three of the brothers knew it. Nothing was ever all right. They’d leave this school and go into foster care again. New people to live with, new school, new town, all of them strange and unfriendly. They’d be cleaned up and fattened up, but after a few months Mama would get them back. Then they’d be living under bridges or with some drugged-out old guy who liked to party with Mama. Then she’d disappear. Collin would take charge. Things would be better for a while. The whole mess would start all over again.

People should just leave them alone. He could take care of his brothers.

Drew howled again and slammed his seven-year-old fist into the social worker. “I hate you. Leave me alone!”

He broke for the door.

Collin bit the inside of his lip. Drew hadn’t figured out yet that he couldn’t escape.

A ruckus broke out. The athletic counselor grabbed Drew and held him down in a chair even though he bucked and spat and growled like a mad tomcat. Drew was a wiry little twerp; Collin gave him credit for that. And he had guts. For what good it would do him, he might as well save his energy. Grown-ups would win. They always did.

People passed the partially open office door and peered around the edge, curious about all the commotion. Collin tried to pretend he couldn’t see them, couldn’t hear them. But he could.

“Poor little things,” one of the teachers murmured. “Living in a burned-out trailer all by themselves. No wonder they’re filthy.”

Collin swallowed the cry of humiliation rising up in his stomach like the bad oranges he’d eaten from the convenience-store trash. He did the best he could to keep Drew and Ian clean and fed. It wasn’t easy without water or electricity. He’d tried washing them off in the restroom before school, but he guessed he hadn’t done too good a job.

“Collin.” The fancy-looking social worker had a hand on her stomach where Drew had punched her. “You’ve been through this before. You know it’s for the best. Why don’t you help me get your brothers in the car?”

Collin didn’t look at her. Instead he focused on his brothers, sick that he couldn’t help them. Sick with dread. Who knew what would happen this time? Somehow he had to find a way to keep them all together. That was the important thing. Together, they could survive.

Ian, only four, looked so little sitting in a big brown plastic chair against the wall. His scrawny legs stuck straight out and the oversized tennis shoes threatened to fall off. No shoestrings. They stunk, too. Collin could smell them clean over here.

Like Collin, baby Ian didn’t say a word; he didn’t fight. He just cried. Silent, broken tears streamed down his cheeks and left tracks like a bicycle through mud. Clad in a plaid flannel shirt with only two buttons and a pair of Drew’s tattered jeans pulled together at the belt loops with a piece of electrical cord, his skinny body trembled. Collin could hardly stand that.

They shouldn’t have come to school today; then none of this would have happened. But they were hungry and he was fresh out of places to look. School lunch was free, all you could eat.

Seething against an injustice he couldn’t name or defend against, he crossed the room to his brother. He didn’t say a word; just put his hand on Ian’s head. The little one, quivering like a scared puppy, relaxed the tiniest bit. He looked up, eyes saying he trusted his big brother to take care of everything the way he always did.

Collin hoped he could.

The social worker knelt in front of Ian and took his hand. “I know you’re scared, honey, but you’re going to be fine. You’ll have plenty to eat and a nice, safe place to sleep.” She tapped his tennis shoes. “And a new pair of shoes, just your size. Things will be better, I promise.”

Ian sniffed and dragged a buttonless sleeve across his nose. When he looked at her, he had hope in his eyes. Poor little kid.

Collin ignored the hype. He’d heard it all before and it was a lie. Things were never better. Different, but not better.

The tall counselor, still holding Drew in the chair, slid to his knees just like the social worker and said, “Boys, sometimes life throws us a curveball. But no matter what happens, I want you to remember one thing. Jesus cares about you. If you let him, He’ll take care of you. No matter where you go from here, God will never walk off and leave you.”

A funny thing happened then. Drew sort of quieted down and looked as if he was listening. Ian was still sniffin’ and snubbin’, but watching Mr. James, too. None of them could imagine anybody who wouldn’t leave them at some point.

“Collin?” The counselor, who Collin used to like a lot, twisted around and stretched an open palm toward him. Collin wanted to take hold. But he couldn’t.

After a minute, Mr. James dropped his hand, laid it on Collin’s shoe. Something about that big, strong hand on his old tennis shoe bothered Collin. He didn’t know if he liked it or hated it.

The room got real quiet then. Too quiet. Mr. James bowed his bald head and whispered something. A prayer, Collin thought, though he didn’t know much about such things. He stared at the wall, trying hard not to listen. He didn’t dare hope, but the counselor’s words made him want to.

Then Mr. James reached into his pocket. Drew and Ian watched him, silent. Collin watched his brothers.

“I want you to have one of these,” the counselor said as he placed something in each of the younger boys’ hands. It looked like a fish on a tiny chain. “It’s a reminder of what I said, that God will watch over you.”

Collin’s curiosity made his palm itch to reach out, but he didn’t. Instead, Mr. James had to pry his fingers apart and slide the fish-shaped piece of metal into the hollow of his hand.

Much as he wanted to, Collin refused to look at it. Better to cut to the chase and quit all this hype. “Where are we going this time?”

His stupid voice shook. He clenched his fists to still the trembling. The metal fish, warm from Mr. James’s skin, bit into his flesh.

The pretty social worker looked up, startled that he’d spoken. Collin wondered if she could see the fury, red and hot, that pushed against the back of his eyes.

“We already have foster placements for Drew and Ian.”

But not for him. The anger turned to fear. “Together?”

As long as they were together, they’d be okay.

“No. I’m sorry. Not this time.”

He knew what she meant. He knew the system probably better than she did. Only certain people would take boys like Drew who expressed their anger. And nobody would take him. He was too old. People liked little and cute like Ian, not fighters, not runaways, not big boys with an attitude.

Panic shot through him, made his heart pound wildly. “They have to stay with me. Ian gets scared.”

The social worker rose and touched his shoulder. “He’ll be fine, Collin.”

Collin shrugged away to glare at the brown paneled wall behind the counselor’s desk. Helpless fury seethed inside him.

The worst had finally happened.

He and Drew and Ian were about to be separated.

Chapter One

Twenty-three years later, Oklahoma City

Sweat burned his eyes, but Collin Grace didn’t move. He couldn’t. One wrong flinch and somebody died.

Totally focused on the life-and-death scenario playing out on the ground below, he hardly noticed the sun scalding the back of his neck or the sweat soaking through his protective vest.

The Tac-team leader’s voice came through the earphone inside his Fritz helmet. “Hostage freed. Suspect in custody. Get down here for debrief.”

Collin relaxed and lowered the .308 caliber marksman rifle, a SWAT sniper’s best friend, and rose from his prone position on top of the River Street Savings and Loan. Below him, the rest of the team exited a training house and headed toward Sergeant Gerrara.

Frequent training was essential and Collin welcomed every drill. Theirs wasn’t a full-time SWAT unit, so they had to stay sharp for those times when the callout would come and they’d have to act. Normally a patrol cop, he’d spent all morning on the firing range, requalifying with every weapon known to mankind. He was good. Real good, with the steadiest hands anyone on the force had ever seen. A fact that made him proud.

“You headed for the gym after this?” His buddy, fellow police officer and teammate, Maurice Johnson shared his propensity for exercise. Stay in shape, stay alive. Most special tactics cops agreed.

Collin peeled his helmet off and swiped a hand over his sweating brow. “Yeah. You?”

“For a few reps. I told Shanita I’d be home early. Bible study at our place tonight.” Maurice sliced a sneaky grin in Collin’s direction. Sweat dripped from his high ebony cheeks and rolled down a neck the size of a linebacker’s. “Wanna come?”

Collin returned the grin with a shake of his head. Maurice wouldn’t give up. He extended the same invitation every Thursday.

Collin liked Maurice and his family, but he couldn’t see a loner like himself spouting Bible verses and singing in a choir. It puzzled him, too, that a cop as tough and smart as Maurice would feel the need for God. To Collin’s way of thinking there was only one person he trusted enough to lean on. And that was himself.

“Phone call for you, Grace,” Sergeant Gerrara hollered. “Probably some cutie after your money.”

The other cops hooted as Collin shot Maurice an exasperated look and took off in a trot. He received plenty of teasing about his single status. Some of the guys tried to fix him up, but when a woman started pushing him or trying to get inside his head, she was history. He didn’t need the grief.

The heavy tactics gear rattled and bounced against his body as he grabbed the cell phone from Sergeant Gerrara’s over-size fist, trading it for his rifle.

“Grace.”

“Sergeant Collin Grace?” A feminine voice, light and sweet, hummed against his ear.

“Yeah.” He shoved his helmet under one arm and stepped away from the gaggle of cops who listened in unabashedly. “Who’s this?”

“Mia Carano. I’m with the Cleveland County Department of Child Welfare.”

A cord of tension stretched through Collin’s chest. Adrenaline, just now receding from the training scenario, ratcheted up a notch. Child welfare, a department he both loathed and longed to hear from. Could it finally be news?

He struggled to keep his voice cool and detached. “Is this about my brothers?”

“Your brothers?”

Envisioning her puzzled frown, Collin realized she had no idea he’d spent years trying to find Ian and Drew. The spurt of energy drained out of him. “Never mind. What can I do for you, Ms. Carano?”

“Do you recall the young boy you picked up last week behind the pawn shop?”

“The runaway?” He could still picture the kid. “Angry, scared, but too proud to admit it?”

“Yes. Mitchell Perez. He’s eleven. Going on thirty.”

The kid hadn’t looked a day over nine. Skinny. Black hair too long and hanging in his eyes. A pack of cigarettes crushed and crammed down in his jeans’ pocket. He’d reminded Collin too much of Drew.

“You still got him? Or did he go home?”

“Home for now, but he’s giving his mother fits.”

From what the kid had told him, she deserved fits. “He’ll run again.”

“I know. That’s why I’m calling you.”

Around him the debrief was breaking up. He lifted a hand to the departing team.

“Nothing I can do until he runs.”

He leaned an elbow against somebody’s black pickup truck and watched cars pull up to a stop sign adjacent to the parking lot. Across the street, shoppers came and went in a strip mall. Normal, common occurrences in the city on a peaceful, sunny afternoon. Ever alert, he filed them away, only half listening to the caller.

“This isn’t my first encounter with Mitch. He’s a troubled boy, but his mother said you impressed him. He talks about you. Wants to be a cop.”

Collin felt a con coming on. Social workers were good at that. He stayed quiet, let her ramble on in that sugary voice.

“He has no father. No male role model.”

Big surprise. He switched the phone to the other ear.

“I thought you might be willing to spend some time with the boy. Perhaps through CAPS, our child advocate program. It’s sort of like Big Brothers only through the court system.”

He was already a big brother and he’d done a sorry job of that. Some of the other officers did that sort of outreach, but not him.

“I don’t think so.”

“At least give me a chance to talk with you about it. I have some other ideas if CAPS doesn’t appeal.”

He was sure she did. Her type always had ideas. “This isn’t my kind of thing. Call the precinct. They might know somebody.”

“Tell you what,” she said as if he hadn’t just turned her down. “Meet me at Chick’s Place in fifteen minutes. I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”

She didn’t give up easy. She even knew the cops’ favorite hamburger joint.

He didn’t know why, but he said, “Make it forty-five minutes and a hamburger, onions fried.”

She laughed and the sound was light, musical. He liked it. It was her occupation that turned him off.

“I’ll even throw in some cheese fries,” she added.

“Be still my heart.” He couldn’t believe he’d said that. Regardless of her sweet voice, he didn’t know this woman and didn’t particularly want to.

“I’ll sit in the first booth so you’ll recognize me.”

“What if it’s occupied?”

“I’ll buy them a burger, too.” She laughed again. The sound ran over him like fresh summer rain. “See you in forty-five minutes.”

The phone went dead and Collin stared down at it, puzzled that a woman—a social worker, no less—had conned him into meeting her for what was, no doubt, even more of a con.

Well, he had news for Mia Carano with the sweet voice. Collin Grace didn’t con easy. Regardless of what she wanted, the answer was already no.

Mia recognized him the minute he walked in the door. No matter that the hamburger café was littered with uniformed police officers hunched over burgers or mega-size soft drinks. Collin Grace stood out in a crowd. Brown eyes full of caution swept the room once, as if calculating escape routes, before coming to rest on her. She prided herself on being able to read people. Sergeant Grace didn’t trust a soul in the place.

“There he is,” the middle-aged officer across from her said, nodding toward the entrance. “That’s Amazin’ Grace.”

Mia fixed her attention on the lean, buff policeman coming her way. With spiked dark hair, slashing eyebrows and a permanent five o’clock shadow, he was good-looking in a hard, manly kind of way. His fatigue pants and fitted brown T-shirt with a Tac-team emblem over the heart looked fresh and clean as though he’d recently changed.

Officer Jess Snow pushed out of the booth he’d kindly allowed her to share. In exchange, he had regaled her with stories about the force, his grandkids, and his plan to retire next year. He’d also told her that the other policemen referred to the officer coming her way as Amazin’ Grace because of his uncanny cool and precision even under the most intense conditions. “Guess I’ll get moving. Sure was nice talking to you.”

She smiled up at the older man. “You, too, Jess.”

Officer Snow gave her a wink and nodded to the newcomer as he left.

Collin returned a short, curt nod and then jacked an eyebrow at Mia. “Miss Carano?”

A bewildering flutter tickled her stomach. “Yes, but I prefer Mia.”

As he slid into the booth across from her the equipment attached to his belt rattled and a faint stir of some warm, tangy aftershave pierced the scent of frying onions. She noted that he did not return the courtesy by asking her to use his given name.

She wasn’t surprised. He was every bit the cool, detached cop. Years of looking at the negative side of life did that to some social workers as well. Mia was thankful she had the Lord and a very supportive family to pour out all her frustrations and sadness upon. Her work was her calling. She was right where God could best use her, and she’d long ago made up her mind not to let the dark side of life burn her out.

Sergeant Grace, on the other hand, might as well be draped in strips of yellow police tape that screamed, Caution: Restricted Area. Getting through his invisible shield wouldn’t be as easy as she’d hoped.

He propped his forearms on the tabletop like a barrier between them. His left T-shirt sleeve slid upward to reveal the bottom curve of a tattoo emblazoned with a set of initials she couldn’t quite make out.

Though she didn’t move or change expressions, a part of her shrank back from him. She’d never understood a man’s propensity to mutilate his arms with dye and needles.

“So,” he said, voice deep and smooth. “What can I do for you, Mia?”

“Don’t you want your hamburger first?”

The tight line of his mouth mocked her. “A spoonful of sugar doesn’t really make the medicine go down any easier.”

So cynical. And he couldn’t be that much older than she was. Early thirties maybe. “You might actually enjoy what I have in mind.”

“I doubt it.” He raised a hand to signal the waitress. “What would you like?” he asked.

She motioned to her Coke. “This is fine. I’m not hungry.”

He studied her for a second before turning his attention to the waitress. “Bring me a Super Burger. Fry the onions, hold the tomatoes, and add a big order of cheese fries and a Mountain Dew.”

The waitress poised with pen over pad and said in a droll voice, “What’s the occasion? Shoot somebody today?”

One side of the policeman’s mouth softened. He didn’t smile, but he was close. “Only a smart-mouthed waitress. Nobody will miss her.”

The waitress chuckled and said to Mia, “I never thought I’d see the day grease would cross his lips.”

She sauntered away, hollering the order to a guy in the back.

“I thought all cops were junk-food junkies.”

“It’s the hours. Guys don’t always have time to eat right.”

“But you do?”

“Sometimes.”

If he was a health food nut he wasn’t going to talk to her about it. Curious the way he avoided small talk. Was he this way with everyone? Or just her?

Maybe it was her propensity for nosiness. Maybe it was her talkative Italian heritage. But Mia couldn’t resist pushing a little to see what he would do. “So what do you eat? Bean sprouts and yogurt?”

“Is that why you’re here? To talk about my diet?”

So cold. So empty. Had she made a mistake in thinking this ice man might help a troubled boy?

On the other hand, Grandma Carano said still waters run deep. Gran had been talking about Uncle Vitorio, the only quiet Carano in the giant, noisy family, and she’d been right. Uncle Vitorio was a thinker, an inventor. Granted he mostly invented useless gadgets to amuse himself, but the family considered him brilliant and deep.

Perhaps Collin was the same. Or maybe he just needed some encouragement to loosen up.

She pushed her Coke to one side and got down to business.

“For some reason, Mitchell Perez has developed a heavy case of hero worship for you.”

The boy was one of those difficult cases who didn’t respond well to any of the case workers, the counselors or anybody else for that matter, but something inside Mia wouldn’t give up. Last night, when she’d prayed for the boy, this idea to contact Collin Grace had come into her mind. She’d believed it was God-sent, but now she wondered.

“More and more in the social system we’re seeing boys like Mitchell who don’t have a clue how to become responsible, caring men. They need real men to teach them and to believe in them. Men they can relate to and admire.”

The waitress slid a soda and a paper-covered straw in front of Sergeant Grace.

“How do you know I’m that kind of man?”

“I checked you out.”

He tilted his head. “Just because I’m a good cop doesn’t mean I’d be a suitable role model to some street kid.”

“I’m normally a good judge of character and I think you would be. The thing here is need. We have so many needy kids, and few men willing to spend a few hours a week to make a difference. Don’t you see, Officer? In the long run, your job will be easier if someone intercedes on behalf of these kids now. Maybe they won’t end up in trouble later on down the road.”

“And maybe they will.”

Frustration made her want to pound the table. “You know the statistics. Mentored kids are less likely to get into drugs and crime. They’re more likely to go to college. More likely to hold jobs and be responsible citizens. Don’t you get it, Officer? A few hours a week of your time can change a boy’s life.”

He pointed his straw at her. “You haven’t been at this long, have you?”

She blinked, leaned back in the booth and tried to calm down. “Seven years.”

“Longer than I thought.”

“Why? Because I care? Because I’m not burned out?”

“It happens.” The shrug in his voice annoyed her.

“Is that what’s happened to you?”

A pained look came and went on his face, but he kept silent—again.

Mia leaned forward, her passionate Italian nature taking control. “Look, this may not make any sense to you. Or it may sound idealistic, but I believe what I do makes a difference in these kids’ lives.”

“Maybe they don’t want you to make a difference. Maybe they want to be left alone.”

“Left alone? To be abused?”

“Not all of them are mistreated.”

“Or neglected. Or cold and hungry, eating out of garbage cans.”

Collin’s face closed up tighter than a miser’s fist. Had the man no compassion?

“There are a lot of troubled kids out there. Why are you so focused on this particular one?”

“I’m concerned about all of them.”

“But?”

So he’d heard the hesitation.

“There’s something special about Mitch.” Something about the boy pulled at her, kept her going back to check on him. Kept her trying. “He wants to make it, but he doesn’t know how.”

Collin’s expression shifted ever so slightly. The change was subtle, but Mia felt him softening. His eyes flicked sideways and, as if glad for the interruption, he said, “Food’s coming.”

The waitress slid the steaming burger and fries onto the table. “There you go. A year’s worth of fat and cholesterol.”

“No wonder Chick keeps you around, Millie. You’re such a great salesman.”

“Saleslady, thank you.”

He took a giant bite of the burger and sighed. “Perfect. Just like you.”

Millie rolled her eyes and moved on. Collin turned his attention back to Mia. “You were saying?”

“Were you even listening?”

“To every word. The kid is special. Why?”

Mia experienced a twinge of pleasure. Collin Grace confused her, but there was something about him…

“Beneath Mitch’s hard layer is a gentleness. A sweet little boy who doesn’t know who to trust or where to turn.”

“Imagine that. The world screws him over from birth and he stops trusting it. What a concept.”

The man was cool to the point of frostbite and had a shell harder than any of the street kids she dealt with. If she could crack this tough nut perhaps other cops would follow suit. She was already pursuing the idea of mentor groups through her church, but cops-as-mentors could make an impact like no other.

She took a big sip of Coke and then said, “At least talk to Mitch.”

The pager at Collin’s waist went off. He slipped the device from his belt, glanced at the display, and pushed out of the booth, leaving a half-eaten burger and a nearly full basket of cheese fries.

Mia looked up at the tall and dark and distant cop. “Is that your job?”

He nodded curtly. “Gotta go. Thanks for the dinner.”

“Could I call you about this later?”

“No point. The answer will still be no.” He whipped around with the precision of a marine and strode out of the café before Mia could argue further.

Disappointment curled in her belly. When she could close her surprised mouth, she did so with a huff.

The basket of leftover fries beckoned. She crammed a handful in her mouth. No use wasting perfectly good cheese fries. Even if they did end up on her hips.

Sergeant Collin Grace may have said no, but no didn’t always mean absolutely no.

And Mia wasn’t quite ready to give up on Mitchell Perez…or Collin Grace.