Kitabı oku: «The Fleet. Its Rivers, Prison, and Marriages», sayfa 12
CHAPTER XXII
THINGS got so bad that Parliament ordered a Committee to inquire into it, and they began their sitting in Feb. 25, 1729. But, previously, the prisoners had petitioned the Lord Chief Justice and other justices without effect, and those petitions with Huggins' (who was the Warden) replies were published in a folio pamphlet, which contains much information.110 The first petition was in 1723, and it was mainly addressed to the extortions of the Master, the sixth Article alledging that the fees exacted by the Warden were in excess of those settled by Law, Nov. 14, 1693 – instanced as follows:
The eleventh prayer of this Petition was, "And lastly, that for the better suppressing Prophaneness and Immorality among us, and that the Misery of Imprisonment may in some measure be alleviated by the Observance of good Manners, Cleanliness, and Quietude, we humbly pray your Lordships would enable us to regulate our selves in such Manner as the Prisoners in the King's Bench are empowered to do by a Rule of that Court, 20 die post festim Sanctæ Trinitatis. 11 Anne."
Huggins replied to all the petition, but his answer to No. 6 was "The Warden saith, That so soon as the Fees were settled by this Honourable Court, he caused a Copy thereof to be framed and hung up in the Common Hall of the House, signed by Sir George Cook; also a Copy of the Rules and Orders of the House, which said copies the Prisoners were pleased to burn, tear to Pieces, and obliterate; and the Warden denies that he has taken or receiv'd, or any for him, to his knowledge, more, or greater, Fees than were contained in the said Copy of Fees hung up in the said Prison."
And as to the Eleventh prayer of the Petitioners "The Warden saith, that the Prisoners in general, are so very ungovernable, that they have tore up the Trees around the Bowling Green, and cut down several of the Trees in the back part of the Prison, set by the Warden some years since, for the better Accommodation of the Prisoners; also broke down the Stocks in the said Prison, and the Houses of Easement were fitted up lately by the Warden, they have torn it almost to Pieces, and committed other Outrages, and most of them, altho' two Years in Arrears of Rent to the Warden, refuse to pay him any Part thereof, and will by Force, and in defiance of the Warden and his Officers, keep in Possession of the Rooms and Furnitures, Swearing to stand by each other."
Petition after petition was sent from the Prisoners to the Lord Chief Justice about the oppressions of Huggins and his myrmidons, and duly answered in some shape by the Warden, but there was one, in which the fourteenth Charge is as follows. "That the Warden, on the Death of any Prisoner detains the Body from his Friends and Relations untill they will pay him, what Chamber Rent was due from the Deceased; and in the mean Time his cruel and unchristian like Practice, is to make the best Bargain he can with the poor Family of the Deceased, for the Purchase of the Dead Body, in order to give it Christian Burial, at their own Expence, by which means he often extorts large Sums of Money, for granting the Relations the Liberty of taking away and burying the Dead Body; which tho' a very natural and reasonable Desire, is nevertheless often frustrated by their Inability to purchase it at his Price, and, rather than accept what may be in their Power to give him, he often suffers the Dead Body to lye above Ground seven or eight Days, and often Times eleven or twelve Days, to the great endangering of the Health of the whole Prison, by the nauseous Stench, which being often times the Case, is very offensive all over the House; and when he has refused what he thought not worth his Acceptance, he buries them in the common Burying place for Prisoners, when the Body is often taken up by their Friends to be bury'd their own Way, and the Warden seizes to his own Use the Cloaths, Furniture, and what ever else there is for Fees and Chamber Rent, which he pretends to be due from the said deceased Prisoner."
Huggins' reply to this was diabolically insolent. "For Answer thereto, My Lords, the Deputy Warden saith, That scarcely a Prisoner hath died on the Masters-Side, that was not largely indebted to him; and therefore, possibly, he might have used endeavours to get what part of the Money was due to him, as he could fairly from the Deceased's Relations."
But the Cup of his iniquities was rapidly filling. He made one Thomas Bambridge "A Newgate Sollicitor, and a Person of abandon'd Credit" (as the petition in the case of Mr. Mackphreadris describes him) his deputy warden, and then, things came to a climax. As we have seen, Parliament took cognizance of the scandal, and issued a Commission to inquire into the matter, and their first sitting was on Feb. 25, 1729. Their report was presented to Parliament on March 20th of the same year – so that no time was lost in looking into the evils complained of.
It recites that Huggins by a gift of £5,000 to Lord Clarendon "did by his interest, obtain a grant of the said office (i. e., Warden of the Fleet) for his own and his son's life.
"That it appeared to the Committee, That in the Year 1725, one Mr. Arne, an Upholder, was carried into a Stable, which stood where the strong room on the Master's side now is, and was there confined (being a place of cold restraint) till he died, and that he was in good state of health before he was confined to that room."
Huggins growing old, sold his interest in the Wardenship of the Fleet, and his Son's reversion therein, to Bambridge and Cuthbert, for the sum he had originally given for the place; and then Bambridge, being his own master, went somewhat ahead, and the Committee found that he connived at escapes, sent his prisoners to Spunging-houses, or private prisons, not so long ago done away with, where they were well, or badly treated, according to the money at their disposal.
And we read of one shocking case, which can best be given in the very words of the Report. "That these houses were further used by the said Bambridge, as a terror for extorting money from the prisoners, who, on security given, have the liberty of the rules; of which Mr. Robert Castell was an unhappy instance, a man born to a competent estate, but being unfortunately plunged into debt, was thrown into prison: he was first sent (according to custom) to Corbett's, 111 from whence he, by presents to Bambridge, redeemed himself, and, giving security obtained the liberty of the rules; notwithstanding which he had frequently presents, as they are called, exacted from him by Bambridge, and was menaced, on refusal, to be sent back to Corbett's again.
"The said Bambridge having thus unlawfully extorted large sums of money from him in a very short time, Castell grew weary of being made such a wretched property, and, resolving not to injure further his family or his creditors for the sake of so small a liberty, he refused to submit to further exactions; upon which the said Bambridge ordered him to be re-committed to Corbett's, where the smallpox then raged, though Castell acquainted him with his not having had that distemper, and that he dreaded it so much, that the putting him into a house where it was, would occasion his death, which, if it happened before he could settle his affairs, would be a great prejudice to his creditors, and would expose his family to destitution; and therefore he earnestly desired that he might either be sent to another house, or even into the gaol itself, as a favor. The melancholy case of this poor gentleman moved the very agents of the said Bambridge to compassion, so that they used their utmost endeavours to dissuade him from sending this unhappy prisoner to that infected house; but Bambridge forced him thither, where he (as he feared he should) caught the smallpox, and, in a few days, died thereof, justly charging the said Bambridge with his death; and unhappily leaving all his affairs in the greatest confusion, and a numerous family of small children in the utmost distress."
He squeezed everybody, made what rules he liked, and introduced new and pernicious customs, for, says the Report, "It appeared to the Committee, that the letting out of the Fleet tenements to Victuallers, for the reception of Prisoners, hath been but of late practised, and that the first of them let for this purpose was to Mary Whitwood, who still continues tenant of the same, and that her rent has, from 32 l. per. ann. been increased to 60 l. and a certain number of prisoners stipulated to be made a prey of, to enable her to pay so great a rent; and that she, to procure the benefit of having such a number of prisoners sent to her house, hath, over and above the increased rent, been obliged to make a present to the said Bambridge of forty guineas, as also of a toy (as it is called), being the model of a Chinese ship, made of amber, set in silver, for which fourscore broad pieces had been offered her…
"And, notwithstanding the payment of such large fees, in order to extort further sums from the unfortunate prisoners, the said Bambridge unjustly pretends he has a right, as warden, to exercise an unlimited power of changing prisoners from room to room; of turning them into the common side, though they have paid the master's side fee; and inflicting arbitrary punishments by locking them down in unwholesome dungeons, and loading them with torturing irons."
According to the Committee's report, Jacob Mendez Solas, a Portuguese, was, as far as they knew, the first prisoner that was ever loaded with irons in the Fleet. He was thrown into a noisome dungeon, which is described as a place "wherein the bodies of persons dying in the said prison are usually deposited, till the coroner's inquest hath passed upon them; it has no chimney, nor fireplace, nor any light but what comes over the door, or through a hole of about eight inches square. It is neither paved nor boarded, and the rough bricks appear both on the sides and top, being neither wainscotted, nor plastered; what adds to the dampness and stench of the place is, its being built over the common sewer, and adjoining to the sink and dunghill where all the nastiness of the prison is cast. In this miserable place the poor wretch was kept by the said Bambridge, manacled and shackled for near two months. At length, on receiving five guineas from Mr. Kemp, a friend of Solas Bambridge released the prisoner from his cruel confinement. But, though his chains were taken off, his terror still remained, and the unhappy man was prevailed upon by that terror, not only to labour gratis for the said Bambridge, but to swear also at random all that he hath required of him: and the Committee themselves saw an instance of the deep impression his sufferings had made upon him; for on his surmising, from something said, that Bambridge was to return again, as Warden of the Fleet, he fainted, and the blood started out of his mouth and nose."
The upshot of this Committee was that the House petitioned the King to prosecute Huggins, Bambridge, and their satellites, who were all ordered to be committed to Newgate for trial. Huggins was tried, or rather the preliminaries of his trial were arranged on the 20th of May, 1729; but his trial for the murder of Edward Arne, a prisoner in the Fleet prison, by immuring him in the dungeon above described, from the effect of which confinement he subsequently died, did not take place until next day. After a long and patient trial, he was acquitted; and he managed, not only to survive his disgrace, but live to the age of 90.
Bambridge was also tried, at the Old Bailey, for the murder of Robert Castell, as before described, but he was acquitted by the Jury. Upon this acquittal, Castell's widow brought an appeal against Thomas Bambridge, and Richard Corbett, for the murder of her husband; but here their luck still stood them in stead, for they were both acquitted. Bambridge, some twenty years after, committed suicide by cutting his throat.
Hogarth, in 1729, received a Commission from Sir Archibald Grant of Monnymusk, Bart., who was one of the Committee, to paint a portrait picture of his brother Commissioners with Bambridge, and the irons used by him in the Fleet. Bambridge is decidedly nervous – and a poor prisoner is introduced into the picture, though I cannot find, from the Report, that he really was before the Committee of the House.
These prosecutions somewhat purified the atmosphere of the Fleet, but still there were grumbles, as there naturally will be when men are restrained in their liberty, and are left to brood upon their miseries, and incarceration; but the little pamphlet,112 which airs these grievances, deals principally with the hardships of fees, and the dilapidated state of the Common Side. The title-page prepares one for a not over cheerful ten minutes' reading.
"When Fortune keeps Thee Warm;
Then Friends will to Thee swarm,
Like Bees about a Honey pot:
But, if she chance to frown,
And rudely kick Thee down,
Why then – What then?
Lie there and ROT."
The writer says that after the reign of Huggins and Bambridge, the Chapel was adorned – and the great Hall adjoining, formerly for the Use of the Prisoners, "is now made into a commodious new Coffee House, and thought to be as Compleat a one, as any in Town (wherein one of the Warden's Servants is put, to be useful upon Occasion). Part of the Pews in the Chapel being taken into it to make it compleat, 113 and serves for a Bar and Bedchamber.
"Opposite to the Great Hall, or Coffee Room, is the Begging-Grate, where Prisoners had an Opportunity to speak with a Friend, and sometimes get Sight of one whose Inclinations did not lead him to pay a Visit to the Place, wou'd drop a Shilling, and perhaps some Beer to the Beggars; but now the same, altho' of an ancient standing, is Brick'd up, and the unhappy Persons who can't submit to beg, depriv'd of viewing the Street, or seeing their Chance Friends." So we see, that although the comforts of the inmates had been somewhat looked after, this little privilege, which they had long enjoyed, and, doubtless, as long abused, was taken from them. It was, afterwards, restored.
CHAPTER XXIII
BUT enough of the miserables in connection with the Fleet Prison. We shall find that it is even possible for a prisoner to write pleasantly, nay, even somewhat humorously, upon his position, as we may see by the perusal of a poem entitled "The Humours of the Fleet. An humorous, descriptive Poem. Written by a Gentleman of the College" &c., Lond. 1749. Under the frontispiece, which represents the introduction of a prisoner into its precincts, is a poem of thirty-two lines, of which the following is a portion: —
Here we see, very vividly depicted, the introduction of a new prisoner; the Chamberlain is introducing him to the Cook, whilst the Goaler and Tapster seem, already, to have made his acquaintance.
The notes appended to the Poem are in the original.
After a somewhat long exordium on prosperity and poverty, together with the horrors of a spunging-house, and imagining that the debtor has obtained his Habeas, which would permit him to choose his prison, the Poet thus sings:
"Close by the Borders of a slimy Flood,
Which now in secret rumbles thro' the Mud;
(Tho' heretofore it roll'd expos'd to Light,
Obnoxious to th' offended City's Sight.)114
"Twin Arches now the Sable Stream enclose
Upon whose Basis late a Fabrick rose;
}In whose extended oblong Boundaries,
Are Shops and Sheds, and Stalls of all Degrees,
For Fruit, Meat, Herbage, Trinkets, Pork and Peas
A prudent City Scheme, and kindly meant;
The Town's oblig'd, their Worships touch the Rent.
"Near this commodious Market's miry Verge,
The Prince of Prisons Stands, compact and large;
When, by the Jigger's115 more than magick Charm,
Kept from the Pow'r of doing Good – or Harm,
Relenting Captives only ruminate
Misconduct past, and curse their present State;
Tho' sorely griev'd, few are so void of Grace,
As not to wear a seeming chearful Face:
In Drinks or Sports ungrateful Thoughts must die,
For who can bear Heart-wounding Calumny?
Therefore Cabals engage of various Sorts,
To walk, to drink, or play at different Sports:
Here, on the oblong Table's verdant Plain,
The ivory Ball bounds, and rebounds again; 116
There, at Backgammon, two sit tete a tete,
And curse alternately their Adverse Fate;
These are at Cribbage, those at Whist engag'd
And, as they lose, by turns become enrag'd:
Some of more sedentary Temper, read
Chance-medley Books, which duller Dullness breed;
Or Politicks in Coffee-Room, some pore
The Papers and Advertisements thrice o'er:
Warm'd with the Alderman, 117 some set up late,
To fix th' Insolvent Bill, and Nation's Fate;
Hence, knotty Points at different Tables rise,
And either Party's wond'rous, wond'rous wise:
Some of low Taste, ring Hand Bells, direful Noise!
And interrupt their Fellows' harmless Joys;
Disputes more noisy now a Quarrel breeds.
And Fools on both Sides fall to Loggerheads:
Till wearied with persuasive Thumps and Blows,
They drink, and Friends, as tho' they ne'er were Foes.
"Without Distinction, intermix'd is seen,
A 'Squire quite dirty, a Mechanick clean:
The Spendthrift Heir, who in his Chariot roll'd,
All his Possessions gone, Reversions sold,
Now mean, as once Profuse, the stupid Sot
Sits by a Runner's Side, 118 and shules 119 a Pot.
"Some Sots ill-manner'd, drunk, a harmless Fight!
Rant noisy thro' the Galleries all Night;
For which, if Justice had been done of late,
The Pump 120 had been three pretty Masters Fate.
With Stomacks empty, and Heads full of Care
Some Wretches swill the Pump and walk the Bare; 121
}Within whose ample Oval is a Court,
Where the more Active and Robust resort,
And glowing, exercise a manly Sport
(Strong Exercise with mod'rate Food is good,
It drives in sprightful Streams the circling Blood;)
While these with Rackets strike the flying Ball,
Some play at Nine Pins, Wrestlers take a Fall;
Beneath a Tent some drink, and some above
Are slily in their Chambers making Love;
Venus and Bacchus each keeps here a Shrine,
And many Vot'ries have to Love and Wine.
"Such the Amusement of this merry Jail,
Which you'll not reach, if Friends or Money fail:
For e'er its three-fold Gates it will unfold,
The destin'd Captive must produce some Gold:
Four Guineas, at the least, for diff'rent Fees,
Compleats your Habeas, and commands the keys;
Which done, and safely in, no more you're led,
If you have Cash, you'll find a Friend and Bed;
But, that deficient, you'll but Ill betide,
Lie in the Hall,122 perhaps, or Common Side.123
"But now around you gazing Jiggers124 swarm,
To draw your Picture, that's their usual Term;
Your Form and Features strictly they survey,
Then leave you, (if you can) to run away.
}"To them succeeds the Chamberlain, to see
If you and he are likely to agree;
Whether you'll tip,125 or pay your Master's Fee.126
Ask him how much? 'Tis one Pound six and eight;
And, if you want, he'll not the Twopence bate:
When paid, he puts on an important Face,
And shews Mount Scoundrel 127 for a charming Place:
You stand astonish'd at the darken'd Hole,
Sighing, the Lord have Mercy on my Soul!
And ask, have you no other Rooms, Sir, pray?
Perhaps enquire what Rent too, you're to pay:
Entreating that he wou'd a better seek;
The Rent (cries gruffly's) – Half a Crown a Week.
The Rooms have all a Price, some good, some bad;
But pleasant ones at present can't be had:
}This Room, in my Opinion's not amiss;
Then cross his venal Palm with half a Piece 128
He strait accosts you with another Face.
"Sir you're a Gentleman; – I like you well,
But who are such at first, we cannot tell;
Tho' your Behaviour speaks you what I thought,
And therefore I'll oblige you as I ought:
"How your Affairs may stand, I do not know,
But here, Sir, Cash does frequently run low.
I'll serve you, – don't be lavish, – only mum!
Take my Advice, I'll help you to a Chum! 129
A Gentleman, Sir, – see, and hear him speak,
With him you'll pay but fifteen Pence a Week; 130
Yet his Apartment's on the Upper Floor, 131
Well furnish'd, clean and nice; who'd wish for more?
A Gentleman of Wit and Judgment too!
Who knows the Place; 132 what's what, and who is who;
My Praise, alas! can't equal his Deserts;
In brief, – you'll find him, Sir, a Man of Parts.
"Thus, while his fav'rite Friend he recommends,
He compasses at once their several Ends;
The new come Guest is pleas'd, that he should meet
So kind a Chamberlain, a Chum so neat:
But, as conversing thus, they nearer come,
Behold before his Door, the destin'd Chum.
"Why stood he there, himself could scarcely tell;
But there he had not stood, had Things gone well:
}Had one poor Half-penny but blest his Fob,
Or, if in Prospect he had seen a Job,
H'had strain'ed his Credit for a Dram of Bob,133
But now, in pensive Mood, with Head down cast,
His Eyes transfix'd as tho' they look'd their last;
One Hand his open Bosom lightly held,
And one an empty Breeches Pocket fill'd.
His Dowlas Shirt no Stock or Cravat bore,
And on his Head, no Hat or Wig he wore;
But a once black shag Cap, surcharg'd with Sweat;
His Collar, here a Hole, and there a Pleat;
Both grown alike in Colour, that – alack!
This, neither now was White, nor that was Black;
But match'd his dirty yellow Beard so true,
They form'd a three-fold Cast of Brick dust Hue;
Meagre his Look, and in his nether Jaw
Was stuff'd an elemosynary Chaw;134
(Whose Juice serves present Hunger to asswage,
Which yet returns again with tenfold Rage;)
His Coat, which catch'd the Droppings from his Chin,
Was clos'd at Bottom with a Corking-Pin;
His Breeches Waistband a long Skewer made fast,
While he from Scotland Dunghill135 snatch'd in Haste;
His Shirt-Tail thin as Lawn, but not so white,
Barely conceal'd his lank Affairs from Sight;
Loose were his Knee Bands, and unty'd his Hose,
Coax'd 136 in the Heel, in pulling o'er his Toes;
Which spite of all his circumspective Care,
Did thro' his broken dirty Shoes appear.
"Just in this hapless Trim and pensive Plight,
The old Collegian137 stood confess'd to Sight;
Whom, when our new-come Guest at first beheld,
He started back, with great Amazement fill'd;
}Turns to the Chamberlain, says, bless my Eyes!
Is this the Man you told me was so nice?
I meant his Room was so Sir, he replies;
The Man is now in Dishabille and Dirt,
He shaves To-morrow tho', and turns his Shirt;
Stand not at Distance, I'll present you, come
My Friend, how is't? I've brought you here a Chum;
One that's a Gentleman; a worthy Man,
And you'll oblige me, serve him all you can.
"The Chums salute, the old Collegian first
Bending his Body almost to the Dust;
Upon his Face unusual Smiles appear
And long abandon'd Hope his Spirits chear
}Thought he, Relief's at hand, and I shall eat;
Will you walk in, good Sir, and take a Seat!
We have what's decent here, tho' not compleat;
As for myself, I scandalize the Room,
But you'll consider, Sir, that I'm at Home;
Tho' had I thought a Stranger to have seen,
I should have ordered Matters to've been clean;
But here, amongst ourselves, we never mind,
Borrow or lend – reciprocally kind;
Regard not Dress; – tho' Sir, I have a Friend
Has Shirts enough, and, if you please, I'll send.
No Ceremony, Sir, you give me Pain;
I have a clean Shirt, Sir. – But have you twain?
O, yes, and twain to boot, and those twice told,
Besides, I thank my Stars, a Piece of Gold.
Why, then I'll be so free, Sir, as to borrow,
I mean a Shirt, Sir, – only till To-morrow.
You're welcome, Sir, – I'm glad you are so free.
Then turns the old Collegian round with Glee;
Whispers the Chamberlain with secret Joy,
We live to-night! – I'm sure he'll pay his Foy:
Turns to his Chum again with Eagerness,
And thus bespeaks him with his best Address;
"See, Sir, how pleasant, what a Prospect's there;
Below you see them sporting on the Bare;
Above, the Sun, Moon, Star, engage the Eye,
And those Abroad can't see beyond the Sky:
These rooms are better far than those beneath,
A clearer Light, a sweeter Air we breath;
A decent Garden does our Window grace,
With Plants untainted, undistain'd the Glass;
And welcome Showers descending from above
In gentle Drops of Rain, which Flowers love:
In short, Sir, nothing can be well more sweet:
But, I forgot – perhaps you chuse to eat;
Tho', for my part, I've nothing of my own,
To-day I scrap'd my Yesterday's Blade Bone;
But we can send – Ay, Sir, with all my Heart,
(Then very opportunely enters Smart). 138
O, here's our Cook, he dresses all Things well;
Will you sup here, or do you chuse the Cell?
There's mighty good Accommodations there,
Rooms plenty, or a Box in Bartholm' Fair;139
There, too, we can divert you, and may shew
Some Characters are worth your while to know,
}Replies the new Collegian, nothing more
I wish to see, be pleas'd to go before;
And, Smart, provide a handsome Dish for Four.
"Too generous Man! but 'tis our hapless Fate
In all Conditions, to be wise too late;
For, even in Prison, those who have been free,
Will shew, if able, Generosity;
}Yet find, too soon, when lavish of their Store,
How hard, when gone, it is to come at more;
And every Artifice in vain explore.
Some Messages Abroad, by Runners send.
Some Letters write to move an absent Friend;
And by Submission, having begg'd a Crown,
In one night's Revel here they'll kick it down.140
'Tis true, this one Excuse they have indeed,
When others Cole it,141 they as freely bleed;142
When the Wind's fair, and brings in Ships with Store143
Each spends in turn, and trusts to Fate for more.
"The future Chums and Chamberlain descend
The Dirt144 knot Stairs, and t'wards the kitchen bend;
Which gain'd, they find a merry Company,
Listening to Tales (from Smart) of Baudry,
All introduced with awkward Simile,145
Whose Applications miss the Purpose pat.
But in the Fire now burns th' unheeded Fat,
Whose sudden Blaze brings L – nd – r146 roaring in;
Then Smart looks foolish, and forsakes his Grin.
The laughing Audience alter, too, their Tone,
For who can smile, that sees Tom L – nd – r frown?
He, magisterial rules the panic Cell,
And rivals Belzebub, – in looking well:
Indignant now, he darts malicious Eyes,
While each Dependant from the Kitchen flies;
Leaves Smart to combat with his furious Ire,
Who heeds him not, but strives to clear the Fire;
Blowing and stirring still, no Pains he spares,
And mute remains, while Major Domo swears;
Who bellows loud Anathemas on Smart,
And the last Curse he gives is D – n your Heart;
His trembling Lips are pale, his Eyeballs roll;
Till, spent with Rage, he quits him with a Growl.
"Now, as our new-come Guest observ'd this Scene,
(As odd an one, perhaps, as could be seen)
He first on Smart, next on his Master gaz'd,
And at the two extreams seem'd much amaz'd;
}Which Smart perceiving, says in sober Mood,
Sir, I've a thousand Times his Fury stood;
But, yet, the Man tho' passionate, is good;
I never speak when he begins to bawl,
For, should I swear like him, the House would fall."
Here follow two or three pages of but little interest to the reader and the Story continues:
"But I forgot; – the Stranger and his Chum,
With t'other to, to Barth'l'mew Fair are come;
Where, being seated, and the Supper past,
They drink so deep, and put about so fast,
That 'ere the warning Watchman walks about,
With dismal Tone repeating, – Who goes out?147
'Ere St. Paul's Clock no longer will withold
From striking Ten, and the Voice cries, – All told.148
'Ere this, our new Companions, every one
In roaring Mirth and Wine, so far were gone,
That every Sense from ev'ry Part was fled,
And were with Difficulty got to Bed;
Where in the Morn, recover'd from his Drink,
The new Collegian may have Time to think;
And, recollecting how he spent the Night,
Explore his Pockets, and not find a Doit.
"Too thoughtless Man! to lavish thus away
A Week's Support in less than half a Day;
But 'tis a Curse attends this wretched Place,
To pay for dear bought Wit in little Space:
The Time shall come, when this new Tenant here,
Will in his Turn shule for a Pot of Beer;
Repent the melting of his Cash too fast,
And snap at Strangers for a Nights Repast."
Rooms plenty, or a Box in Bartholm' Fair; 149
There, too, we can divert you, and may shew
Some Characters are worth your while to know,
}Replies the new Collegian, nothing more
I wish to see, be pleas'd to go before;
And, Smart, provide a handsome Dish for Four.
"Too generous Man! but 'tis our hapless Fate
In all Conditions, to be wise too late;
For, even in Prison, those who have been free,
Will shew, if able, Generosity;
}Yet find, too soon, when lavish of their Store,
How hard, when gone, it is to come at more;
And every Artifice in vain explore.
Some Messages Abroad, by Runners send.
Some Letters write to move an absent Friend;
And by Submission, having begg'd a Crown,
In one night's Revel here they'll kick it down. 150
'Tis true, this one Excuse they have indeed,
When others Cole it,151 they as freely bleed;152
When the Wind's fair, and brings in Ships with Store153
Each spends in turn, and trusts to Fate for more.
"The future Chums and Chamberlain descend
The Dirt154 knot Stairs, and t'wards the kitchen bend;
Which gain'd, they find a merry Company,
Listening to Tales (from Smart) of Baudry,
All introduced with awkward Simile,155
Whose Applications miss the Purpose pat.
But in the Fire now burns th' unheeded Fat,
Whose sudden Blaze brings L – nd – r156 roaring in;
Then Smart looks foolish, and forsakes his Grin.
The laughing Audience alter, too, their Tone,
For who can smile, that sees Tom L – nd – r frown?
He, magisterial rules the panic Cell,
And rivals Belzebub, – in looking well:
Indignant now, he darts malicious Eyes,
While each Dependant from the Kitchen flies;
Leaves Smart to combat with his furious Ire,
Who heeds him not, but strives to clear the Fire;
Blowing and stirring still, no Pains he spares,
And mute remains, while Major Domo swears;
Who bellows loud Anathemas on Smart,
And the last Curse he gives is D – n your Heart;
His trembling Lips are pale, his Eyeballs roll;
Till, spent with Rage, he quits him with a Growl.
"Now, as our new-come Guest observ'd this Scene,
(As odd an one, perhaps, as could be seen)
He first on Smart, next on his Master gaz'd,
And at the two extreams seem'd much amaz'd;
}Which Smart perceiving, says in sober Mood,
Sir, I've a thousand Times his Fury stood;
But, yet, the Man tho' passionate, is good;
I never speak when he begins to bawl,
For, should I swear like him, the House would fall."
Here follow two or three pages of but little interest to the reader and the Story continues:
