Stress Management: The only introduction you’ll ever need

COPYRIGHT

Published by HarperCollinsPublishers

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Published by Thorsons 1996

© Vera Peiffer 1996

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Vera Peiffer asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780007273188

Ebook Edition © AUGUST 2014 ISBN: 9780008110420

Version: 2014-08-18

DEDICATION

FOR MY FRIENDS GEORGES AND LYN

CONTENTS

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Introduction

PART I STRESS – HOW IT HAPPENS

1 What Stress Is and What It Is Not

2 Are You a Stress-prone Type?

3 Questionnaire: Check Your Personality Stress Factors

4 What Is Causing You Stress?

PART II WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FALL INTO THE STRESS TRAP …

5 Physical Reactions

6 Mental and Emotional Reactions

7 Behavioural Reactions

8 Questionnaire: What Is Your Stress Level?

PART III … AND HOW TO CLIMB OUT OF THE STRESS TRAP

9 How To Stop Yourself from Overworking

10 So You Thought You Knew How to Breathe …

11 Giving Your Body Time Off

12 Taking a Mental Holiday

13 Sleeping Better

14 Dealing with Difficult People

15 Using Anger Constructively

16 How to Talk about Things You Would Rather Avoid

17 Accentuate the Positive

18 De-stress Your Life

19 Alternative Ways to Unwind

Summary

Keep Reading

Acknowledgements

Also by the Author

Also in the Series

About the Publisher

INTRODUCTION

Anyone who has ever had to struggle through a prolonged period of work overload, be it at home or out in the workplace, will know what it feels like to be physically exhausted and mentally overwrought. Whereas you are perfectly capable of dealing competently with life’s ups and downs when you are unstressed, any hiccups in the daily routine become an emotional crisis once the pressure exceeds a certain threshold.

It is an unpleasant experience to feel out of control and unable to stop yourself from overreacting. You watch yourself shouting at the kids or soldiering on at work even though you are too tired to think straight, seemingly unable to stop yourself.

Stress and all its unpleasant side-effects can arise from a great many different factors; work overload is just one of them. Other life events which can put you under pressure are changes in your circumstances, for example if a family member gets seriously ill or if you unexpectedly suffer financial difficulties. As a rule of thumb you could say that any event that significantly changes your daily routine is a potential trigger for stress. I say ‘potential’ because a lot will depend on your general attitude to change. Stress is not just generated by circumstances; your attitude towards the circumstances will have a significant impact on how you cope.

This book looks at a variety of potential stress-triggers. You may be surprised to learn that even events which we would generally label ‘positive’, such as a promotion or a holiday, can create stress! You will also learn how to deal with difficult situations in a more constructive way, on not just a practical but also an emotional level. You may not be able to cut out all challenges from your life – nor may you want to – but you can certainly do a lot to eliminate unnecessary stresses. You have a lot more power inside you than you might think; Principles of Stress Management shows you how to access this power and how to make use of it. In addition, this book provides you with questionnaires for self-assessment and mental exercises which will help you take control of your life, as well as useful information and tips on foods, physical exercise and supplements which can strengthen your resilience to stress. Why be harassed if you can be composed? Why fight if you can play? You may not be able to see a way out of your situation, but it is there before you.

As you read through this book you will quickly find the chapters that are relevant to your particular circumstances, as well as the solutions that suit you best. You will find that you can rid yourself of unnecessary stress and heighten your general sense of well-being at the same time, so that you feel more energetic, more in control, better about yourself and better within yourself. Why not put some of the suggestions in this book into practice? You have nothing to lose but stress!

PART 1

In this first section we will look in detail at what constitutes ‘stress’, as we commonly call the experience of negative pressure. As your personality plays a part in how you deal with stress, this section includes descriptions of various personality types (their strengths and weaknesses, etc.), followed by a questionnaire (see) which will allow you to assess which type you come closest to. Learning about yourself allows you not only to take better care of yourself but also to make positive changes more easily. The better you understand what makes you tick, the greater the control you have over changing your life for the better.

In Chapter 4 we will examine the most common external stressors that may play a part in the build-up to stress, both in work and private life. Depending on your personal beliefs and attitudes, you will deal with these outside stressors more or less effectively. People respond to difficult situations according to their past experiences by using, either consciously or subconsciously, coping strategies which they have acquired over the years. How you cope with stress will also depend on how much external support you get while you are in the difficult situation. All these factors – personality, beliefs, past experiences and external support – work together to shape your physical and emotional reactions to stress, which ultimately determine how much you are affected by a difficulty and how well you deal with it.

1
WHAT STRESS IS AND WHAT IT IS NOT

Generally speaking, stress can be caused by our need to adapt physically, mentally and emotionally to a change. This, of course, does not have to be a negative process. If you have finally achieved a promotion which you have worked towards over a long period of time, this is likely to be a very pleasant change which fills you with excitement and satisfaction. However, if you have been persuaded by your superiors to go for the promotion when you do not really feel ready for it, you can end up feeling very nervous and unconfident when this change takes place.

A small amount of stress is useful; it adds interest and motivation to life and keeps us on our toes. Changes that we perceive as moderate are not just harmless but also invigorating, as our adaptability needs to be trained regularly to stay in working order. As we practise going with the flow and dealing with changes, we become stronger. However, when the changes become too great or when they influence our lives negatively over a period of time, our capacity to adapt can become overstretched.

We all have a need to maintain physical and emotional equilibrium. It is when we are on an even keel that we feel comfortable and happy. Any change, especially an unpleasant one, threatens our equilibrium. In order to redress the balance we react with a stereotyped reaction which Hans Selye in his book The Stress of Life identified as the General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS). This syndrome springs into action as soon as a person perceives or experiences a stressor. First, the mind goes through the alarm stage where the body switches into overdrive. The muscles tense, adrenalin pumps through the system, blood-pressure rises. During the second stage, the resistance stage, all the heightened physical and mental responses help create increased activity so that the challenge can be met, but there is only so much strength and endurance that a person can muster before he or she goes to the third stage: exhaustion.

As you can imagine, if your capacity to adapt to change is in overdrive for too long, it can make you ill. If you have to cope day-in, day-out with a difficult and demanding boss who only criticizes but never praises, it will eventually wear you down. If you are looking after a bedridden relative all by yourself without getting any help or support, you can easily develop a physical or mental illness yourself. In extreme cases, prolonged exposure to stress can lead to physical and/or emotional breakdown.

By the time someone reaches the third stage it will be obvious that there is a problem. It is easier, however, to ignore the signs of the first two stages. Even though the term ‘alarm stage’ seems to indicate that you become consciously aware that a change is imminent, this is not necessarily so. At the alarm stage your body and mind get ready for action, but as this preparation happens unconsciously and therefore automatically, it can easily be overlooked. (In Part II of this book you will have an opportunity to check which physical, mental, emotional and behavioural signs you might experience while you are in the resistance stage, or even in the alarm stage – see page.)

You will already have noticed that stress is not a clear-cut matter which can be defined in objective terms. You may find that the best way of describing stress is at a totally subjective level, as any change that makes you feel uncomfortable physically or emotionally. This definition allows for individual differences in attitude and perception towards stressors.

A subjective definition also makes clear that stress is not the same thing as a great workload, a lot of responsibility or having demands made on you. If these scenarios were automatically synonymous with stress, then nobody could be expected to experience them free of stress. However, there are people who have a lot to do and yet stay unstressed by it; there are people who carry great responsibility and who cope with it very well. Stress is only partly a result of the situation itself; it is also, to an extent, caused by our attitude towards that situation. This explains why different people react differently to stress. Look around you while you sit on a commuter train when it is stuck between stations. Some people are simply bored, others annoyed, still others anxious.

Physiologically, the same thing happens to all of us when stress sets in. As soon as we perceive a situation as potentially threatening, our primitive stress response of ‘fight or flight’ springs into action. Our breathing rate increases (thereby providing the brain and the muscles with more oxygen), the heart rate increases, blood-pressure rises, sugars and fats are released into the bloodstream for extra energy, muscles tense up, the flow of saliva decreases and perspiration increases. All our senses are on ‘red alert’, and adrenalin and cortisol are released which mobilize the body. These spontaneous physical reactions are very useful when your house in on fire because they enable you to run faster and get away from danger more quickly. However, when you have the same automatic reactions when you are only thinking about tomorrow’s meeting at work, you are in trouble. Whereas in the first instance all that extra physical energy and tension are put to good use, in the second example this excess energy has nowhere to go – as you sit there worrying about the next day’s meeting, your stress hormones go round and round in your system, keeping everything buzzing in overdrive. For some people this means an increase in gastric juice secretion, which can ultimately lead to ulcers if the stress response kicks in on a regular basis. Also, the prolonged presence of stress and heavy demands on our ability to adapt can exhaust the body and increase the risk of damaging the function of organs such as the heart or the kidneys.

If you feel that you are particularly prone to unnecessary stress reactions, the next two chapters should help you pinpoint the reasons for this.

SUMMARY

 Stress is evoked by our need to re-establish an equilibrium when changes occur.

 Small amounts of stress are necessary and beneficial.

 The three stress stages are alarm, resistance and exhaustion.

 Certain personality types are more prone to stress than others.

 Prolonged stress can lead to illness or mental breakdown.

 The body reacts to stress by mobilizing physical responses to help us cope better with situations which we perceive as threatening.

 Even our thoughts can create a physical stress response.

2
ARE YOU A STRESS-PRONE TYPE?

We perceive changes and stressors in our own unique ways. Depending on our background, upbringing and present circumstances, we may find ourselves coping with stress much better than our neighbour or colleague at work. Some of us are born with greater resilience than others, enabling us to stay calm longer than the next person when the going gets tough.

Apart from resilience and adaptability to change, we also bring with us particular dispositions when we are born. Anyone who has children or who is close to a family with small children will be able to confirm how different they are right from the start. One baby is placid and sleeps through the night very early on, whereas another baby will be more wakeful and excitable. One child plays happily on his own, whereas another one has to be entertained a lot to be content. These individual predispositions, together with the manner in which parents bring up their children, will result in various personality types – some of which are particularly vulnerable to stress.

THE ANXIOUS TYPE

This personality type will be lacking somewhat in self-confidence, unsure of his or her abilities even if others try to be reassuring. Anxious people are reluctant to express any negative emotions openly and are often incapable of saying ‘no’ if someone makes unreasonable demands on them. This unwillingness and fear to stand up for themselves comes either from a distorted sense of duty (something that has usually been drummed into them during childhoood) or from the mistaken belief that they will make themselves unpopular if they do not comply with other people’s wishes. Even though anxious people appear to be conformist, they often harbour strong resentments against those whose wishes they seem to carry out so willingly.

STRESS PROBLEMS

Anxious people tend to go for undemanding jobs, which can easily lead them to becoming frustrated and bored. If they progress to a more responsible job they tend to feel easily hassled when the workload increases and will often take their unease out on others.

THE PERFECTIONIST

Perfectionists like everything to be in its proper place and done at the proper time. Routine is of great importance, as is detail. Mistakes are not tolerated – they will even rewrite a handwritten, informal message if their pen slips or a word has been misspelled. This rather plodding way of dealing with life works out well as long as the job in hand is stable and predictable. Perfectionists are usually hard-working and reliable, but not equipped to deal with sudden emergencies or change.

STRESS PROBLEMS

Their great problems adapting to change, and their unwillingness to give up established routines, can cause stress for perfectionists if they find themselves distracted from their routines. Their diligent attention to detail means that they are creating stress for themselves when better prioritization and a more even-handed approach to less important tasks could easily save the day.

THE STIMULUS-SEEKER

This personality type strives on risk and is often addicted to the rush of adrenalin which accompanies any venture. Stimulus-seekers have a certain dare-devil attitude and can be quite brilliant at what they are doing, be it in sports or in the business world. However, they have a very limited attention span. Once the thrill is over, they move on to the next project. They are often not concerned with details and leave others to do the menial parts of a job while they attend to the Trig picture’. Stimulus-seekers will typically choose professions where risk-taking promises to yield great amounts of money and/or esteem.

STRESS PROBLEMS

Stimulus-seekers experience the risks of their ventures as beneficial stress, and thrive on it. Their minds race with possibilities rather than worries, and as a consequence they tend to smoke and drink too much. Substance abuse and its negative side-effects are more common in stimulus-seekers than are mental and/or physical illness.

THE AMBITIOUS TYPE (A-TYPE)

A-type personalities tend to be hard-driven and aggressive, channelling all their energies into their work. A-types have little or no time for a social life or hobbies; they live, think and dream ‘work’. They have problems delegating and are highly critical of themselves and others, often becoming impatient and angry when things do not run smoothly. They find it impossible to sit down quietly and do nothing; they are constantly moving, jiggling their knees and tapping their fingers – in times of stress they tend to do several things at the same time. They also find it hard to concentrate fully on conversations because they are already racing ahead in their mind, thinking about the next thing they want to do.

The A-type personality is the stress category that has been most widely studied. This type is found not just in high-level jobs, but all the way through the various strata of society.

STRESS PROBLEMS

In their efforts to control everything and everyone around them, A-types exert themselves physically and mentally. They are unable to recognize when they have reached their limit and will typically suffer from high blood-pressure. A-types are prone to coronary heart disease, ulcers and atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries).

All stress-prone types of personality are driven by one thing: fear. The anxious person is afraid to be unpopular and to be considered unhelpful; the perfectionist is afraid of being ‘only human’; the stimulus-seeker is afraid of boredom; and the A-type is afraid of not being seen to achieve. Even though certain personality traits can predispose a person to have these fears, one’s upbringing also plays a part. Below we look at some of the factors that can lead to a personality type that is vulnerable to stress.