Kitabı oku: «Radio Silence», sayfa 4
WEIRD
I walked back into my room to find Aled crouching next to the bed, holding a coat hanger like it was a machete. As I entered he spun round to face me, his eyes all wild and his hair – too long – sticking out in all directions from where he’d slept. I guess he looked sort of … well … petrified. Fair enough.
It took me a few seconds to decide what to say.
“Were you … planning to decapitate me with a coat hanger?”
He blinked once, and then lowered his weapon and stood up straight, his terror subsiding a little. I gave him a once-over – of course, he was still in the same outfit as last night, Daniel’s burgundy jumper, and dark jeans, but for the first time I noticed that he was wearing these really excellent lime green plimsolls with fluorescent purple laces and I really wanted to ask him where he’d got them.
“Oh. Frances Janvier,” he said. And he still pronounced my surname correctly.
Then he let a long breath out and sat down on my bed.
It was like I was seeing an entirely different person. Now that I knew he was the Creator, the voice of Radio Silence, he didn’t even look like Aled Last any more – not the Aled Last I knew. Not Daniel Jun’s silent shadow, not the boy who didn’t even seem to have a personality at all. Not the boy who just smiled and agreed with you whatever you said to him and generally, to be honest, seemed to be the most boring, basic individual in the known universe.
He was Radio Silence. He’d been making a YouTube show for over two years. A beautiful, limitless, explosion of a story.
I was on the verge of having a fangirl meltdown, for Christ’s sake. How embarrassing is that?
“Jesus Christ,” he said. His voice was so quiet now he was sober, it was like he wasn’t quite used to normal conversation or something, like he had to force himself to speak out loud. “I thought I’d been kidnapped.” Then he put his face in his hands, elbows on his knees.
He stayed like that for quite a while. I stayed standing awkwardly in the doorway.
“Er … sorry,” I said, though I wasn’t sure what I was apologising for. “You, like, you did ask. I didn’t just lure you into my house. I didn’t have any ulterior motives.” He looked up at me, eyes wide again, and I groaned. “Oh, yeah, sounds like something someone with ulterior motives would say.”
“This is really awkward,” he said, his mouth twisting into a sort of half-smile. “I’m the one who should be apologising.”
“Yeah, this is really awkward.”
“Do you want me to just leave?”
“Er …” I paused. “Well, I’m not gonna, like, stop you from leaving. I’m seriously not a kidnapper.”
Aled gave me a long look.
“Wait,” he said. “We didn’t … did we, like, hook up?”
The idea sounded so completely idiotic that I actually let out a laugh. In hindsight, I think that might have been a bit rude.
“Oh, no. No. You’re good.”
“Okay,” he said. He looked down and I couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. “Yeah. That’d be really weird.”
There was a pause again. I needed to say something about Universe City before he went. He clearly didn’t remember anything about that. I’m a rubbish liar, and I can’t keep secrets either.
He finally put down the coat hanger that he’d been clutching in one hand.
“You have a really cool room, by the way,” he said shyly. He nodded towards my Welcome to Night Vale poster. “I love Welcome to Night Vale.”
Of course he did. Welcome to Night Vale was another Internet podcast show that I adored, just like I did Universe City. I preferred Universe City though – I liked the characters more.
“I didn’t know you were into stuff like that,” he continued.
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure where he was going with this. “Well, yeah.”
“I just thought you … you know … liked studying and … erm … being head girl, and … yeah.”
“Oh, right.” I let out an awkward laugh. School was my life and soul and everything about me. So I guess he was right. “Well, yeah … my grades are pretty important, and being head girl and stuff … like, I’m applying to Cambridge, so I need to— I have to study quite a lot, so … yeah.”
He watched me as I spoke, nodding slowly, and said, “Ah, yeah, fair enough,” but it didn’t sound like he cared half as much about that as he had about my Welcome to Night Vale poster. He then realised he was staring, so he looked down and said, “Sorry, I’m making this even weirder.” He stood up, flattening his hair with one hand. “I’ll just leave. It’s not like we’re gonna see each other much any more.”
“What?”
“Because I’ve left school and stuff.”
“Oh.”
“Haha.”
We stared at each other. It was so awkward. My pyjama bottoms had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on them.
“You told me you make Universe City,” I said so quickly that I was immediately scared he hadn’t heard me. My reasoning was that since there was no easy way to bring this up, I might as well just blurt it out. This is how I get through most of my life.
Aled said nothing, but his face dropped and he actually stepped backwards a little.
“I told you …” he said, but his voice drifted into silence.
“I don’t know how much you remember, but, like, I’m literally …” I stopped myself before I said something that made me sound truly insane. “I really, really love your show. I’ve been listening to it since it started.”
“What?” he said, and he sounded genuinely surprised. “But that’s, like, over two years …”
“Yeah.” I laughed. “How weird is that?”
“That’s really …” His voice got a little louder. “That’s really cool.”
“Yeah, I seriously love it, like, I don’t know, the characters are all just so well-rounded and relatable. Especially Radio, the whole agender thing is literal genius, like, when the girl voice first appeared I listened to the episode, like, twenty times. But it’s so good when you’re not sure whether it’s a boy voice or a girl voice, those are amazing. I mean … none of the voices are girl or boy voices, are they? Radio doesn’t have a gender. Anyway, yeah, the sidekicks are all so brilliant as well, but there’s not all the Doctor Who sexual tension, they’re just their own people, and it’s so good how they’re not always BFFs with Radio, sometimes they’re enemies. And every single story is so hilarious but you really can’t guess what’s going to happen, but all the ongoing plots are good too, like, I still have no idea why Radio can’t take their gloves off or what’s being kept in the Dark Blue Building or whether Radio’s ever going to meet Vulpes, and I’m not even gonna bother asking you about the February Friday conspiracy because, like, that would ruin the whole thing. Yeah, it’s just … it’s so good, I can’t explain how much I love it. Seriously.”
Throughout this, Aled’s eyes got wider and wider. Halfway through, he sat back down on to my bed. Near the end, he covered his hands with his sleeves. When I’d finished, I instantly regretted everything.
“I’ve never met a fan of the show before,” he said, his voice quiet again, almost inaudible. And then he laughed. He brought his hand up to cover his mouth like he had last night, and I wondered, not for the first time, why he did that.
I glanced to one side.
“Also …” I continued, thinking that was when I was going to tell him that I was Toulouse, the fan artist that he contacted on Twitter. It flashed through my head, me telling him, him freaking out, me showing him my thirty-seven sketchbooks, him freaking out even more, him calling me weird, him running away, me never seeing him ever again.
I shook my head. “Erm, I forgot what I was about to say.”
Aled lowered his hand. “Okay.”
“You should have seen my face yesterday when you told me,” I said, with a forced laugh.
He smiled, but he looked nervous.
I looked down. “So … yeah. Anyway. Erm. You can go home now, if you want. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise,” he said, in that whispery voice.
It took quite a lot of effort not to say sorry for saying sorry.
He stood up, but didn’t go to walk out of the door. He looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t know which words to choose.
“Or … I could get you some breakfast? If you want? No pressure, you don’t have to …”
“Ah … I’d feel bad,” he said, but he was smiling faintly and for the first time I felt like I knew what he was thinking.
“It’s fine. People don’t come round my house very often, so, erm … it’s nice!” I realised how sad I sounded as soon as I said it.
“Okay,” he said. “If you don’t mind.”
“Cool.”
He glanced around my room one last time. I saw him spot my desk and the messy worksheets and revision notes scattered everywhere, including on the floor. He looked at my bookshelves, which had a mix of classic literature I was planning to read for my Cambridge interview and some DVDs on them, including the entire Studio Ghibli collection Mum got me for my sixteenth birthday. He looked outside my window towards his house. I didn’t know which window of his house belonged to him.
“I never told anyone about Universe City,” he said, glancing back at me. “I thought they’d think I was weird.”
There were a hundred things I could have said in reply to that, but I just said:
“Same.”
And then we were silent again. I think we were just trying to absorb what was happening. To this day I have no idea whether he was particularly happy about this revelation. Sometimes I think maybe everything would have been better if I’d never told him that I knew. Other times I think it’s the best thing I’d ever said in my whole life.
“So … breakfast?” I said, because there was no way this conversation, this meeting, this stupidly extreme coincidence was ending here.
“Yeah, okay,” he said, and though his voice was still all quiet and shy, he really sounded like he did want to stay, just so he could talk to me for a bit longer.
WE’D MAKE MILLIONS
He actually didn’t stay for very long. I think he was aware that I was having an internal breakdown at this entire situation, but I made him some toast anyway and tried not to bombard him with questions even though I wanted to. After I’d asked who knew about Universe City (only Daniel) and why he’d started making it (he was bored) and how he did all the voice effects (editing software), I thought I’d better try to calm down, so I just got myself some cereal and sat opposite him at the breakfast bar. It was May, not quite summer, but the morning sun was burning into my eyes through the kitchen window.
We talked about the classic stuff like school and study leave and how much revision we’d each done. We’d both done our art exams, but he still had English lit, history and maths, and I still had English lit, history and politics. He was predicted all A*s, which was unsurprising for someone who’d got into one of the top universities in the country, and he said that for some reason he wasn’t really very stressed about his exams. I did not mention that I was so stressed that I was losing more hair in the shower than I probably should have been.
At one point he asked if I had any painkillers, and I suddenly noticed that his eyes were pretty bloodshot and watery and he hadn’t really eaten much of the toast. I’ve always been able to remember what he looked like on that first day at my breakfast bar. In the sunlight, his hair and his skin looked almost the same colour.
“Do you go out a lot?” I asked, handing over some paracetamol and a glass of water.
“No,” he said. Then he laughed a little. “I don’t really like going out, to be honest. I’m a bit of a loser.”
“I don’t either,” I said. “Last night was my first time at Johnny R’s. It was a lot sweatier than I expected.”
He laughed again, hand over his mouth. “Yeah, it’s disgusting.”
“The walls were, like, wet.”
“Yeah!”
“You probs could have set up a waterslide. I would have enjoyed it more if there was a waterslide, not gonna lie.” I made a weird waterslide gesture with my hands. “Drunk watersliding. I’d pay for that.”
That was a strange thing to say. Why had I said that? I waited for him to give me that ‘Frances, what are you talking about?’ look.
But it didn’t come.
“I’d pay for a drunk bouncy castle,” he said. “Like, there could be a room where the whole floor is a bouncy castle.”
“Or a room that’s basically a children’s play centre.”
“Did you ever go to Monkey Bizz?”
“Yeah!”
“You know they had that bit at the back with the tyre swings over a ball pit? I’d want that.”
“Oh my God, yes. We should make this, we’d make millions.”
“We really would.”
There was a pause while we were both eating. It wasn’t awkward.
Just before he left, as we were standing in the doorway, I said:
“Where did you get your shoes? They’re so nice.”
He looked at me like I’d told him he’d won the lottery.
“ASOS,” he said.
“Ah, cool.”
“They’re …” He almost didn’t say it. “I know they’re weird. They were in the women’s section.”
“Oh. They don’t look like women’s shoes.” I looked at his feet. “They don’t look like men’s shoes either. They’re just shoes.” I looked back at him and smiled, not quite sure where I was going with this. He was staring at me, his expression now completely unreadable.
“I have a coat from Topman,” I continued. “And I tell you what, the men’s section of Primark is the best for Christmas jumpers.”
Aled Last pulled his sleeves over his hands.
“Thank you for what you said about Universe City,” he said, not quite looking me in the eye. “I just … that really, erm, means a lot to me.”
This was the perfect opportunity to say it to him.
That I was the artist he contacted via Twitter.
But I didn’t know him. I didn’t know how he would react. I thought he was the coolest person I’d ever met, but that didn’t mean I trusted him.
“It’s fine!” I said.
Once he’d waved goodbye and walked off down our drive, the thought hit me that this was probably the longest conversation I’d had with someone my age for at least a few weeks. I thought maybe we could be friends now, but then again, maybe that was a bit weird.
I went back up to my room and I could see my sketchbooks peeking out from underneath my bed and I thought, If only he knew. I thought about Carys, and whether she was something I should bring up – Aled knew we’d been friends. God, he’d been there on the train all that time, hadn’t he?
I thought that I needed to tell him about me being the artist because if I left it too long he might start to hate me and I didn’t want that to happen. Nothing good comes out of lying to people. I should know that by now.
POWER
Carys never lied about anything. She also never told the full truth, which felt worse, somehow. Not that I realised that until she was long gone.
She dominated our train conversations with stories about her life. About arguments with her mum and her school friends and teachers. About terrible essays she’d written and exams she’d failed. About sneaking out to parties and getting drunk and all the gossip in her year group. She was everything I wasn’t – she was drama, emotion, intrigue, power. I was nothing. Nothing happened to me.
But she never did tell the full truth and I didn’t notice. I was so dazed by the way she shone so brightly, her incredible stories and her platinum hair, that I didn’t find it weird that she and Aled arrived at the train station separately in the mornings and he walked twenty metres behind us in the afternoons. I didn’t find it weird that they never spoke nor sat together. I didn’t question anything. I wasn’t paying attention.
I was blinded, and I failed, and I’m never letting that happen again.
UNIVERSE CITY: Ep. 2 – skater boy
UniverseCity 84,873 views
I’ll be taking on allies from now on. Until I hear from you, survival will be my priority.
Scroll down for transcript >>>
[…]
He has a brilliant bike, I can tell you that. Three wheels and glow-in-the-dark. And of course, it’s useful to have someone around who has the use of his bare hands. I can’t tell you what a pain it is to have to keep these gloves on all the time.
I’m still not sure why I asked for his help. I’ve survived for this long by myself. But since talking to you, I suppose … I suppose I’ve had a slight change of heart.
If I’m to get out of here, I’m going to have to team up with some city folk every now and then. There are things in Universe City that you cannot possibly imagine out there in the real world, creeping around in the metallic dust. Monsters and demons and synthetic abominations.
Every day you hear of the latest fatality – some poor loner wandering back from a lecture, a tired geek in the back corner of the library, a miserable young girl alone in her bed.
And this is what I’m getting at, old sport:
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s impossible to survive alone in Universe City.
[…]
ONLINE
Mum and I were watching The Fifth Element while eating pizza when my phone buzzed, signifying I had a Facebook message. I picked it up, expecting it to be my friends, but nearly choked on pizza crust when I read the name on the screen.
(19:31) Aled Last
hey frances just wanted to say thanks again for taking me home last night, i realise i probably ruined your night … i’m so so sorry xx
(19:34) Frances Janvier
Hey it’s fine!! Don’t worry!! <3
To tell you the truth I didn’t reeeeally want to be there …
And I kiiiinda used you as an excuse to go home not gonna lie
(19:36) Aled Last
ah that’s good then!
i thought it’d be a good idea to get drunk because i was nervous about going to johnny’s but i think i overestimated how much i needed to drink haha
i’ve never been that drunk before
(19:37) Frances Janvier
Don’t worry!! You had Daniel with you as well so it’s all good! he was getting you water when I found you 
(19:38) Aled Last
yeah that’s true
(19:38) Frances Janvier
:D
Both of us stayed online for a few minutes after that and I wanted to say something else and I felt like he did too, but neither of us knew what, so I clicked my phone screen off and tried to focus on the film, but all I could think about was him.
STOP-MOTION
The day after that was a Sunday and it was the day I’d decided to start study leave revision and it was the day I got an email from Radio Silence – Aled – while I was midway through a maths question on differentiation.
Radio Silence <universecitypodcast@gmail.com>
to me
Hi Toulouse,
Thanks so much for getting back to me on Twitter! I’m so glad you want to work with the show; I’ve been wanting to implement some sort of visual aspect for a while.
The email went on for a few paragraphs and Aled talked about all his ideas for the show – repeating pixel gifs like the ones he’d seen on my blog, or stop-motion drawings on a whiteboard, maybe an update to the Universe City logo if it wasn’t too much responsibility. He asked me whether I was definitely sure I could commit, because he couldn’t let his subscribers down – if I was doing this, I was doing this, I couldn’t back out without a very good reason.
It made me feel sick.
I put my phone down on top of the maths answers I’d been writing in a notebook. The letters of the email and the numbers on the paper all fuzzed together for a moment.
I needed to tell him it was me.
Before I messed up another friendship.
#SPECIALSNOWFLAKE
It took until Monday evening for me to come up with a plan.
I was going to ask him about his shoes. That was how I was going to start another conversation with him.
Somehow that was going to turn into me telling him that I was Toulouse, the fan artist that he had emailed about the podcast that I’d already told him I was obsessed with.
Somehow. I didn’t know how.
It’d be fine.
I’m well-practised in the art of bullshitting.
(16:33) Frances Janvier
Aled!! This is really random but I was just wondering where you said you got your shoes from?? I’m kinda obsessed with them and have been scrolling through websites for the past hour lmao
(17:45) Aled Last
hi! oh errr they were from ASOS but they’re a really old pair of Vans, i don’t think you can buy them any more?
(17.49) Frances Janvier
Ah mannn that’s too bad
(17:50) Aled Last
sorry!! 
if it’s any consolation Dan always says they look like shoes for 12-year-olds and makes a really disgusted face every time i wear them
(17:52) Frances Janvier
Well, that must be why I like them, most of the things in my wardrobe look like they belong to a 12-year-old. I am 12 years old on the inside
(17:53) Aled Last
whaaat you always dress so professionally for school tho!!
(17:53) Frances Janvier
Oh, yeah … well … gotta keep up my head girl study machine reputation
At home I am all about the burger jumpers and Simpsons shirts
(17:55) Aled Last
burger jumpers?? i need to see these
(17:57) Frances Janvier
[webcam photo of Frances’s jumper that she is currently wearing – it has burgers all over it]
(17:58) Aled Last
DUDE
that is amazing
Also
i have a jumper from the same website?? i’m literally wearing it right now?
(17:58) Frances Janvier
WHAT!!
Show me now
(18:00) Aled Last
[webcam photo of Aled’s jumper that he is currently wearing – it has UFOs on the sleeves]
(18:00) Frances Janvier
Omfg
I love it
I didn’t know you wore stuff like that?? You’re always in plain stuff when I see you out of uniform
(18:01) Aled Last
yeah i’m always scared people will laugh at me … idk it’s probably silly haha
(18:02) Frances Janvier
No it’s not I’m exactly the same
All of my friends look so cool and beautiful and classy all the time … if I turned up wearing a burger jumper they’d probably just send me home
(18:03) Aled Last
omg your friends sound mean
(18:03) Frances Janvier
Nah they’re cool they’re just … idk I feel a bit different from them sometimes. #specialsnowflake am I right!!!!
(18:04) Aled Last
no it’s all right i know the feeling! haha
In the end we chatted on Facebook until gone 10pm and I completely forgot about telling him I was the artist until 3am when I remembered, and started to panic, and couldn’t fall asleep for another two hours after that.
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