Kitabı oku: «For The Sake Of The Children»

Chapter One

Leadville, Colorado, 1882

The cheerful yellow house didn’t look all that imposing as Silas Jones stood in front of its fence for the fourth time that day. Yet he paused at the gate, as he’d done on each of his previous trips, unable to bring himself to open the latch and walk the few steps to the porch and knock on the door.

He turned to walk back toward Harrison Avenue, then over to the boardinghouse he’d been staying in for the past couple of days. Maybe coming to Leadville had been a fool’s errand, but he’d had no place else to go. At least not where he could keep his daughter safe from the Garretts.

Smiling down at the little girl in his arms, he gave her a squeeze. “It’s going to be all right, Milly. Papa’s going to find a way.”

Barely two years old, she was too young to understand his anxiety. Or just how much was at stake. Silas took a breath to calm the thundering in his chest. He had no reason to expect that Rose wouldn’t hear him out, other than the fact that the last time he’d seen her, three years ago, she was tossing daggers at him with her eyes in church.

He’d deserved those daggers. Actually, he’d deserved far worse, and he knew it. But he’d like to think that deep inside Rose Stone was a compassionate woman who’d understand that he’d had no choice but to break her heart.

Silas shook his head. Who was he kidding? Of course Rose wouldn’t understand. He’d jilted her. Not so much in the eyes of the world, since theirs had been a secret engagement, but he’d jilted her all the same. Married the woman his family had picked out for him instead of following his heart and marrying Rose.

She had to hate him.

Which was why he had no idea why he’d come all the way from Ohio to Leadville, Colorado, to beg for her help in saving him.

No, not him.

Milly.

When his wife, Annie, died giving birth to their second child, her parents insisted Silas and Milly stay with them. It didn’t take long for Silas to realize that the Garretts weren’t intending for them all to be a family, but to take Milly from him. They claimed it was for the best, that a single man wasn’t fit to raise a little girl on his own.

But how could a child not having her father when she’d already lost her mother be for the best?

The only solution, of course, was to take a wife. Given that Silas had already married once for convenience, it didn’t seem such a leap to do it again. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t hope to find love the next time around. But for Milly, he was willing to do anything. After all, he’d come to love Annie in a way.

“Can I help you?” an older woman called out, pulling Silas from his mental debate.

He smiled at her. If he didn’t move forward now, he would never be able to. It would look too odd for him to leave after having spoken to someone and then to come back later.

His throat tightened, strangling his ability to speak. Milly squirmed in his arms, reminding him of his purpose.

“I’ve come to see Rose Stone. Does she live here?”

The woman stared at him like she was trying to decide if he was friend or foe. Her gaze focused on Milly, and like everyone else he’d met on his journey, she softened when she looked at the little girl.

“She does. You come on in, and I’ll get her for you.”

Silas’s feet seemed frozen to the ground. The air was crisp, chilly, to be expected for October, but not enough to render him motionless.

Milly squirmed again. “Down, Papa!”

“It’s all right,” the woman said. “We’ve enough children round here that she won’t hurt a thing. Most folks expect these young ones to behave far better than they’re able to, but we don’t pay attention to that sort of thing. Let kids be kids. That’s what we always say.”

He opened the gate and let Milly down. His daughter immediately propelled herself in the direction of the porch and the waiting woman. Silas shook his head slowly. That girl seemed only to have two speeds—stop and go. Right now, she was on go, and he could only hope that the woman meant what she said about Milly not hurting anything. The Garretts were constantly chastising Milly for her behavior. As if a two-year-old knew anything about how to behave like a proper young lady.

“Who are you talking to, Maddie?” Rose called from somewhere inside the house. “And what’s this nonsense about letting kids be kids? You were just complaining last month to Polly about her children’s fingerprints on the wallpaper, and when Uncle Frank told you that children will be children, you told him that they ought to do it in—

“Oh,” Rose said as Silas entered the house. “What are you doing here?”

She hadn’t changed a bit, at least not as far as he could tell. She still wore her dark hair piled on top of her head in an elegant way, too elegant for their small town in Ohio, yet it had always suited her. Her cheeks still had a natural rosy glow that accentuated the way her blue eyes shone in the light. Rose had gained a little weight, and her figure seemed fuller, but he’d always thought her just a little too thin.

In essence, she was still as breathtakingly beautiful as she’d been three years ago.

“I was hoping we could...talk.”

Maddie entered behind him, holding Milly by the hand. “She is a dear. Makes me miss little Isabella. I do wish they’d come back up from Denver soon.”

Rose sighed. “So that’s what your change of heart toward children is about. You know Mitch had business to take care of, and you can’t expect Polly and the children to stay behind. I’m sure they’ll return as soon as they can.”

With a quick glance in Silas’s direction, Rose said, “Not that it’s any of your business, but Polly and Mitch are close friends, like family.” The glare she gave him indicated that he was not included in that label.

Though he’d once been.

Maddie smiled at Silas. “What is this little darling’s name? I’d be happy to have her in the kitchen with me while you conduct your business with Rose.”

“Her name’s Milly,” Silas said.

“He won’t be staying long,” Rose said at the same time.

“All the same, I’ve got a cookie with Milly’s name on it in the kitchen.” Then she bent down to Milly. “You do like cookies, don’t you?”

Wide-eyed, Milly nodded as Maddie took her to the back of the house.

“The only reason I’m not throwing you out is because it would break Maddie’s heart not to spend time with that little girl of yours.” Then Rose glared at him. “I’m assuming she’s yours.”

“Yes.” A knot formed in Silas’s chest. Though he didn’t necessarily expect a warm welcome from Rose, this felt wrong.

“Where’s Annie?”

The question was a knife in his heart. “She died.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

The coldness in her voice told him she was anything but. Her gaze held little sympathy for him, and while he couldn’t blame her, he missed the easy smiles she’d once given him. Did she still smile?

Before he could come up with an appropriate response, a baby cried in the other room.

“I need to take care of him.”

Rose turned and walked into the next room, barely acknowledging Silas, and not inviting him to join her. He did anyway.

He watched as she picked up a baby out of a basket. “There now,” she cooed, “Mama’s here.”

Mama.

The knife Rose had been slowly twisting in his heart jabbed him so painfully he thought it might have come out the other side of his body.

She had a child. It had never occurred to him, when he’d found out Rose’s address from a mutual friend, that she might be married. He’d assumed that if she’d gotten married, he’d have heard folks talking about it. Then again, he’d had to ask several people to even get her address.

“Your husband is a blessed man.” The words felt like shards of glass on his tongue coming out, but he had to say them. Had to consider Rose’s happiness in the situation above his own desperate need.

“I have no husband,” Rose said coolly, cradling the baby as she turned to face him.

“But the baby...”

“Is my son.”

Silas stared at her for a moment. “I don’t understand.”

With a long sigh, Rose sat on a nearby chair. “We both know where babies come from. There’s nothing to understand. I have a child. It happens sometimes.”

He’d known Rose to be angry on occasion, but mostly, he’d known her sweetness. This coldness... Silas didn’t know. Nor did he know how such an upstanding young lady would find herself in this situation.

“The baby’s father?”

“Is dead. And I wouldn’t have married him anyway.”

“But...”

Rose made a noise in the back of her throat. “Look. I did something I’m not proud of. For a brief period of time, I turned away from the Lord. I made a horrible mistake. But God, in His mercy, chose to bless me with a child who brings me more joy than I could have ever imagined. Some folks might say that my reputation is forever tarnished, but I am too grateful for this baby to care.”

Then she shot him a look deadlier than he’d ever thought her capable of. “And that is all I will say on the matter.”

The baby fussed in her arms. “Matthew needs to eat. Say your piece and be gone so I can feed him.”

Her eyes darkened with a flash of defensiveness Silas remembered from all the times the other girls at church made fun of her for being poor. No wonder she seemed so different. How often did Rose have to defend herself to the women in this town for having a baby out of wedlock? He’d known, of course, that there were the babies born seven months into a hasty marriage. But he didn’t know a single woman from a respectable family who’d had a child without marrying the father.

How difficult her life must be.

Granted, she’d come to Leadville because her brother had discovered a fortune in silver, taking their family from poor relations dependent on an aunt who resented them to wealthy patrons of society. Silas had only been in town for a couple of days, and he’d heard the Stone name bandied about as being a much-admired family. He hadn’t heard anything about Rose, but now it made sense.

Perhaps his need of a wife fit more comfortably with Rose’s needs than he could have imagined. A husband, even this far after the fact, would quickly raise Rose’s standing as a respectable woman.

“My daughter needs a mother,” Silas said quietly, slowly, then added, “and it seems your son needs a father.”

Rose made a noise in the back of her throat and shook her head. “Please tell me that you did not come all this way, thinking I somehow still held a torch for you and would be grateful for the opportunity to be your wife.”

Put that way, his idea sounded even more ridiculous. Three years was a long time, and... Silas let out a long sigh.

“I suppose I didn’t think the idea through as well as I should have.”

“Clearly.” The baby fussed louder, and Rose stood, bouncing him against her body. “He really does need to eat.”

The front door opened, and Silas heard the sounds of men talking. He turned and saw Rose’s brother, Joseph, along with an older man, enter.

“Silas!” Joseph greeted him warmly. “What brings you to Leadville?”

Rose made an exasperated noise. “He thought that since his wife died, I’d be pining away for him, and would jump at the opportunity to take her place and raise their daughter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to feed Matthew.”

Hearing her tell Joseph only made Silas’s plan sound all the more wrong. Why hadn’t he considered it on a deeper level? His only excuse was the desperation he’d felt when he’d overheard the Garretts talking about a visit to their lawyer, and how they were going to try to take Milly away from him.

But Rose wasn’t giving him the chance to explain. Not when she was already on her way out of the room with the baby.

Silas looked at Joseph, who wore a concerned expression on his face. The older man put his hand on Joseph’s shoulder.

“I think we should hear this young man out.” The older man held out a hand to Silas. “Frank Lassiter. Joseph is married to my daughter, Annabelle, and I consider the entire Stone family my own. Now have a seat and tell us why you’re here.”

Frank gestured toward a chair next to the one Rose had vacated. Even at the few feet’s distance, he could still smell the rosewater scent she preferred. She used to say that if she was named after one, she should smell like one, too. Silas closed his eyes. He hadn’t expected so many of the old feelings to rise up in him again.

Then he shook his head. More of his foolishness.

“I suppose it’s like Rose said. My wife died several months ago. I’m doing my best to raise our daughter on my own, but there are circumstances that make it difficult. A wife would help the situation.”

“What circumstances?” Joseph glared at him.

Silas swallowed. He supposed he’d done enough to damage his pride already. Might as well tell them. Besides, Joseph was a good man. He’d left Ohio shortly after Silas married Annie, but they’d always gotten along.

“Annie’s parents don’t think it’s appropriate for a single man to be raising his daughter alone. They were in the process of taking legal action to take her away from me. I thought if I got married again, their argument wouldn’t hold water, and I wouldn’t have to worry about losing Milly.”

“And there were no eligible women in Ohio?” The sarcasm in Joseph’s voice reminded Silas of Rose. Only Joseph’s tone lacked the bitterness Rose held.

“Rose and I loved each other once,” Silas said quietly. “I’d hoped...”

Now his hopes seemed foolish.

“You broke her heart.” Joseph leaned forward, staring at him. “How could you think she’d welcome you so easily?”

He wanted to say that it was because, after three years of being married to someone else, of doing everything he could to be a good husband to Annie, that he’d been unable to forget Rose. Not in the sense that he was still in love with her, rather, he had many fond memories of their time together. Surely they could build something on that.

He’d been wrong.

“I wasn’t thinking,” Silas said instead. “I was so desperate to find a way to keep my daughter that I suppose I didn’t consider Rose’s feelings had changed.”

“You didn’t consider them at all,” Joseph said quietly.

In the one conversation Silas had with Rose after his engagement to Annie was announced, she called him selfish, only thinking of himself and not of anyone else. He’d tried explaining that to marry Rose would have been selfish—his parents’ farm was in trouble, but by marrying the daughter of the family with the adjoining farm, it could be saved. But now, he wondered if perhaps her words were true.

“I didn’t mean to be selfish.” Silas ran his hands down his face. “I truly just wanted to do right by my daughter. I never meant to cause Rose any pain.”

Frank nodded slowly. “I can see that. But it seems to me that two folks marrying to solve a problem only ever creates more problems. Rose deserves a man who considers her happiness above his own, and you deserve happiness, as well. So let’s figure out a way to help you besides you marrying our girl.”

* * *

Rose couldn’t believe what she heard as she reentered the room.

“Why haven’t you gotten rid of him?”

“Now, Rose,” Uncle Frank said gently, “Silas is here because he needs help, and it is our Christian duty to do what we can for him.”

“He needs help because he’s a lying snake.” Rose glared at him, then turned to her brother. “Please tell me that you aren’t part of this scheme.”

Joseph gave an unapologetic shrug. “If it weren’t for Silas’s father giving me work on their farm when they could ill afford it, I wouldn’t have had the money to come to Leadville, and then we wouldn’t have the life we do. I owe him a debt.”

“Which was canceled the day he broke his word to me about getting married.”

She hadn’t expected, even after three years, that it would still hurt to think about how, the day after she was supposed to meet him to run away to get married, his father had announced in church that Silas was marrying Annie Garrett.

Granted, she’d been over an hour late for their meeting, but Silas knew how hard it was for her to get away. Why hadn’t he waited for her? How long had he waited by the old oak tree before he’d gone over to the Garrett farm and had pie with Annie? Had he even come?

For as long as she’d thought about those questions, they should have easily been on her tongue to ask him. But the truth was, as much as they hurt, the answers didn’t matter. He’d married Annie, not Rose.

“I’m sorry,” Silas said quietly. “What I did to you was unforgivable. But I hope you’ll let me make amends.”

“Amends?” Tears stung the backs of her eyes, but Rose willed them to stay in place. Silas didn’t deserve the satisfaction of knowing how many tears she’d cried over him. “I hope you don’t think that your offer of marriage can possibly...”

Silas shook his head, looking so mournful that Rose almost felt bad for being so harsh with him. “I spoke in haste. I was wrong to assume...”

Then he straightened, squaring his shoulders. “The truth is I need a wife so Annie’s parents can’t take Milly from me. I saw how you cared for your siblings, for the other children in our church. You’re the only person I would trust Milly with.”

Fighting to keep her composure, Rose took a deep breath. Of course this wasn’t about rekindling their flame. Everyone knew Silas had married Annie for her farm. Now he wanted to marry her to give his daughter a mother. A glorified nanny, only with marriage.

“I see,” she said slowly, looking at Joseph to see if he, too, understood that this was just another selfish maneuver that would only lead to her heartbreak—again.

He followed her gaze, nodding at Joseph, who nodded back. “No, you don’t. My first marriage, though I have nothing to complain about, lacked the kind of love a man and a woman ought to share.”

Then, with a darkness in his eyes Rose had never seen before, he said, “Joseph and Frank reminded me that I shouldn’t settle for that kind of marriage again. I deserve better, and the woman I marry deserves better.”

With a long sigh, Silas brought his attention back to Rose. “It was wrong of me to come here, thinking that marriage to you was the answer to my problems. I sincerely apologize for any heartache it might have caused you.”

Rose’s stomach twisted. What did Silas know of the heartache he’d caused? She’d finally found a way to live in peace with her broken heart, and now he had to come to remind her of all the mistakes she’d made.

“And,” he continued, “I apologize for the way I broke your heart back in Ohio. It was wrong of me to court you in secret, knowing my father and Annie’s father were in negotiations over our marriage. I thought...”

Another dark look crossed his face, and for a moment, Rose thought he might actually be in physical pain. But just as quickly as it came, the expression left.

“Well, I don’t suppose it matters what I thought. No matter how I justified it then, looking back, I had no right to trifle with your heart. My only excuse is that I truly believed my intentions were honorable. I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

Real regret sounded in his voice, and as much as the anger churning in Rose’s gut wanted to tell him that all of his justifications meant nothing, the weight of Uncle Frank’s gaze on her reminded her that her sins made her no better than Silas.

“I suppose that we all do things that are wrong, justifying them with all kinds of excuses, when deep down, we know that we shouldn’t.” The ache in her belly started to subside, and Rose took a deep breath. “I’ve made my own share of mistakes, but Uncle Frank is constantly reminding me that the Lord loves and forgives me anyway.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath. Oh, she knew what she was supposed to do here. Forgive Silas. That’s what Uncle Frank preached about constantly—loving and forgiving others. She’d thought it hard enough to forgive Ben Perry, the father of her child, an outlaw who’d only been using her to get his hands on her family’s fortune. But she had. It had taken so much prayer, so much time reading her Bible, but it wasn’t until she held little Matthew that she understood that she couldn’t possibly hate someone who’d given her such an incredible gift.

Her family had forgiven her for the scandal she’d brought upon them by running away with an outlaw. They’d forgiven her for the scandal of her child born out of wedlock. Even when members of the church had left the congregation because they were shocked that Uncle Frank would not condemn Rose for her behavior, her family had stood by her in love and acceptance.

Rose didn’t feel like forgiving Silas. No, she felt like raging at him for how deeply he’d hurt her. How that hurt had made her do unspeakable things, hurting those she loved. Her insides churned, reminding her of how his abandonment had left her raw and empty.

But how could she be a hypocrite, and deny him that which had been offered to her so freely?

Rose took a deep breath. “I forgive you, Silas.”

Saying the words should have made her feel better, but they didn’t. All the years she’d dreamed of him crawling back to her, saying how sorry he was, it didn’t change any of the pain in her heart. Uncle Frank had told her that sometimes forgiveness meant acting on it long before you felt it, but in Rose’s case, she wondered if she would ever feel that particular emotion.

Forgiving him might be the right thing to do, but it didn’t ease the pain in her heart. It didn’t make any of the things that had happened any better. And even though everyone else in the room looked relieved at Rose’s words, they only made her feel worse.

Uncle Frank had told her that forgiveness was a process. That when Jesus said you had to forgive someone seventy times seven, He meant it almost literally, because some things hurt so much that you had to keep forgiving, even when it hurt, until the pain went away. If that were the case, then Rose supposed she had another 489 more times to go.

Please, Lord, help me. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to have to keep forgiving Silas. Not when my heart hurts so very much.

Rose’s only consolation was knowing that, now that she’d said the words, to Silas, and in front of her family, Silas could return home, and continue with his life. And Rose could do the same.