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Anxiety Toolbox
The Complete Fear-Free Plan
Gloria Thomas
Do you put your life on hold to avoid the situations that scare you?
Copyright
Thorsons
An Imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 77–85 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, London W6 8JB
www.harpercollins.co.uk
First published by Thorsons 2004
Copyright © Gloria Thomas 2004
Gloria Thomas asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication.
Source ISBN: 9780007170227
Ebook Edition © March 2010 ISBN: 9780007372270
Version: 2014-10-20
Contents
Cover Page
Title Page
Copyright
Foreword
Introduction
How to Use This Book
1 What is Anxiety?
2 Specific Anxieties
3 The Anatomy of Anxiety
4 Your Mental and Emotional Anatomy
5 Power Tool 1 – Thought Field Therapy
6 Beliefs and Behaviours
7 Power Tool 2 – Self–Hypsis
8 More Tools for Change
9 Putting it all Together – Your Anxiety Toolbox
10 A Final Word – Lifestyle, Drugs and a Few of My Favourite Remedies
Appendix: A Letter from Kosovo
Bibliography
Further Reading
Resources
Index
How to Contact the Author
Acknowledgements
About the Publisher
Foreword
Anxiety is a very common problem. Anxiety, fears and worry can severely disrupt your life and cause much needless suffering. Research with Heart Rate Variability (HRV) at Harvard – HRV is a placebo-free, objective measure of your state of health – also shows that phobias, worry and anxiety can shorten life expectancy.
Like many people, you may have tried conventional approaches to overcome your fears and phobias and received little or no help. You may feel that you simply do not know what to do to help yourself. This book provides some important answers.
The common motivation to get help and overcome anxiety or phobias is that a cure can radically change your life for the better. Freedom from anxiety makes life much easier, as you can devote your energy to enjoying your family and friends and dealing with everyday challenges, instead of being overcome by crippling fear.
With her book, Gloria Thomas has provided a concise but meaningful guide to various unconventional approaches. She takes a rare, serious, competent and balanced look at some of the lesser-known options that are available and offers an invaluable introduction to them.
Reading Anxiety Toolbox is a powerful and appropriate beginning to a new life free from anxiety and fear.
ROGER J. CALLAHAN, PHD
FOUNDER, THOUGHT FIELD THERAPY
LAQUINTA, CALIFORNIA, USA
Introduction
When I was in my twenties and thirties I suffered long periods of anxiety and depression due to a combination of post-natal depression and other life events. Like most people, I sought the advice of my doctor, who prescribed anti-depressants and suggested psychotherapy and counselling. However, much as this was helpful, I wanted to find alternative methods of combating the depressive and anxious states that I was experiencing.
My search for those alternatives uncovered some surprisingly simple countermeasures and some truly astonishing ones. I discovered how beneficial physical fitness is for fighting depression and anxiety, and the surprising extent to which food can affect your mood. I also discovered the benefits of healing and acupuncture, as well as forward-thinking psychologies such as Neuro-Linguistic Programming and hypnotherapy. More recently, I have discovered Thought Field Therapy, an amazingly effective therapy for anxiety.
All of these strategies or complementary therapies – call them what you will – have become part of my life and, as a result, I find myself at 40 feeling youthful, much stronger within myself and with a much more balanced view of life – it’s a bit like a giant jigsaw puzzle finally falling into place. Such has been the transformation that I am now incredibly thankful for that period of suffering, for had I not gone through it I would not be equipped to do what I do today. I now have an incredibly strong sense of purpose and, one day, would like to look back on my life knowing that I have contributed to humanity. Given my experience, I feel that the best contribution I can make is by helping people let go of their self-limiting fears so that they can be the best that they can be. That is why I have written this book. It may sound a little cheesy but it’s my way of expressing my love for humanity.
There is, I believe, a need for major transformation in this world – a need to get back to more balanced ways of thinking and being. Everybody’s anxiety is, of course, unique to them and there is no magic solution for eliminating it completely. However, I believe that we have the most amazing ability to manage our anxiety levels and achieve more resourceful states of mind.
By reading this book, you have hopefully made the decision to begin to let go of fear and anxiety and work towards greater balance in your life. The tools it features are treatments and therapies that are suitable for commonly experienced anxieties, as well as those of a more serious nature. However, I would like to emphasize for those suffering from chronic anxiety or depression that these tools do not take the place of medical advice. They are tools that have worked for me and now I offer them to you. I hope they will help you achieve greater happiness and equilibrium.
How to Use This Book
Whether you suffer anxiety in a very mild form or you have a specific disorder, this book will be an enormous help to you. The intention is to bring your levels of anxiety back under control. You have the potential to achieve states that are more useful and beneficial to your health and wellbeing, and this book can help you achieve this.
I suggest that you begin by reading the book right through to get a feeling of what it is all about and how it can help you. On first reading, do not do any of the assessments or exercises – simply think about what applies to you. Having learned a bit more about anxiety, you can then focus on your own area of anxiety and use the exercises that are appropriate for you. You will need a notebook to do some of the exercises and to record and explore your experiences. There are appropriate exercises and therapies throughout the various chapters of the book, so work through it at your own pace. In chapter 9 you will also find an invaluable summary of exercises and therapies for each anxiety discussed.
1 What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is a state of mind that we all experience from time to time. I’m sure every one of you can remember having feelings of nervousness and tension in your body at some point in your life – think back, for instance, to your first day at school, your first date or your last vital job interview.
Anxiety is a symptom, a response to a potentially challenging or threatening experience. When the threat is not acute, and we have time to contemplate it, worry and nervousness create anxiety. Anxiety is closely linked to fear, a primary emotion that helps us deal with danger. In an acute emergency we experience fear, and that fear triggers an automatic response in the body that prepares us to stand and fight or head for the hills. However, this natural instinct – which undoubtedly was of great use to our ancient ancestors – is not always useful in today’s society, when threats are more often psychological than physical. This means that our bodies prepare us for a physical emergency that rarely occurs.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself
FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT
Anxiety Can Be Positive
It is important to recognize that some degree of anxiety is unavoidable and indeed can be useful in the short term. It is the body’s way of saying ‘do this right’ or ‘pay attention’. In potentially dangerous situations, a lack of anxiety could have disastrous consequences. Imagine walking across the road in the face of oncoming traffic without feeling any anxiety at all. Anxiety ensures that we pay attention to what is important. It is what spurs us on to be more vigilant so that we are prepared for life.
Anxiety can also be a positive experience. Think of a challenge that you have looked forward to in great anticipation – I’ll bet you felt some degree of anxiety. You may have called these feelings either butterflies in your tummy or nervous excitement but, either way, they are normal and natural expressions of anxiety – and such feelings can help you to excel.
ANXIETY ENSURES THAT WE PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IS IMPORTANT
The Anxious Society
Living in today’s world can be a bit of an emotional roller coaster and the sort of positive stress that can stimulate and motivate can often be overridden by negative anxiety. The pressures of living in modern society mean our lives are fraught with negative anxiety. Mental distress has now become very common – to the extent that anxiety has been sighted as the most common psychological condition in the UK and US.
There is no doubt that the pace of life these days can be fast and furious. We live in a society that focuses on human ‘doing’ rather than the human ‘being’. We find ourselves on the go all the time and for many of us it’s very much the norm to experience ongoing feelings of worry and anxiety as we face the challenges of daily living.
We have so much choice and freedom in so many ways yet we seem unable to exercise that choice in a way that is good for us. We may be wealthier in terms of material possessions – such as nice homes, cars and computers – but we have little time to truly enjoy that wealth because we constantly strive for greater goals and never seem to be totally satisfied with what we have. We have indoctrinated ourselves to live at a pace that falls in with societal expectation. This can bring about anxiety in many different forms. We may be juggling a career with bringing up a family and feel that we must be great at our job, have perfect kids, a good marriage, great social life, great clothes, a good figure…With such expectations, it’s hardly surprising we feel anxious! We live by the rules of ‘should do’, ‘have to’, ‘must do’ and seem unable to acknowledge that our anxiety levels are directly affected by how we live our lives.
This sort of pressurized existence, where we are all striving for ongoing individual goals, has also meant that we communicate less with each other. With this comes greater selfishness and intolerance in relationships and increased confusion between the sexes. This adds yet another layer to our anxiety levels.
There are also indirect factors that compound the problem. We are heavily influenced by the media, which constantly portrays the world as a scary place to live – just think of all the headlines about rising crime rates, child abductions, acts of terrorism, war and famine. We are also a society that tends to focus on what does not work, rather than what does work, so it’s easy to become hypnotized on a daily basis by the negativity around us. This isn’t just bad for our mental health – when anxiety levels rise inordinately it can have a toxic effect on both body and mind.
Worry
Worry is at the very heart of anxiety and is one of its biggest contributors. Anxious feelings often come from worrisome, automatic thoughts combined with the physiological responses that such thoughts cause. Obviously, having the odd worrisome thought is perfectly natural. However, ongoing or intense worry that is repetitive in nature can have a detrimental effect both mentally and physically. When feelings of worry escalate and everything in life is seen as a potential catastrophe, this will start to sabotage an individual’s performance in many areas of life.
If you are continuously finding yourself fearful – you are constantly irritable with an ongoing feeling of life being out of control – then you need to begin addressing your anxiety levels. If you don’t, constant worrying will increasingly interfere with your life.
WORRY AND ANXIETY CAN STOP YOU ACHIEVING THE LIFE THAT YOU WANT
Individual Attitudes
Given what I have said about the pressures of modern-day living, you could be forgiven for coming to the conclusion that anxiety is a natural response to the society that we live in. However, your levels of anxiety are very much dependant upon you and how you live your life. The way you perceive and interpret events in your life has a profound effect on your state of mind.
Your anxiety levels are determined to a great extent by the beliefs and assumptions that you have about yourself and the world around you.
Those beliefs influence how you respond and deal with threats and challenges and hence how anxious you become.
Some people seem to ‘wear’ an underlying state of anxiety every day. For others, certain triggers will create anxiety. For others still, anxiety can come about for no reason at all. Your attitude is crucial to how you deal with situations. If you have an optimistic outlook on life, you have empowering beliefs and you deal with situations in a positive way then you are likely to experience less anxiety on the whole. If, in contrast, you have a pessimistic outlook, with limiting beliefs and negative assumptions, then you are more likely to experience anxiety.
Age and Anxiety
Anxiety knows no boundaries and can affect anyone, irrespective of age. Many anxious states are rooted in childhood experiences, particularly some of the more serious ones, but anxiety can manifest at any time or can be related to whatever stage an individual is at in his or her life.
Teenagers, for example, commonly have anxieties about their self-image, exams or early relationships. When we reach our twenties and thirties, anxieties about career aspirations, marriage and parenthood can manifest. Our forties and fifties can also be particularly trying, as this time of transition invariably brings anxieties about getting older and all that this entails. When we reach our sixties and seventies, we worry about the challenges of retirement and our vulnerability in terms of health, security and mortality. In addition, throughout our adult lives, most of us are also subject to financial worries, together with anxieties concerning our children and parents.
Now, whilst all this may have just depressed you, it shouldn’t. Instead it should emphasize how important it is to develop a healthy attitude to the unavoidable stresses of life. As I’ve said before, if you deal with situations in a positive way then you are likely to experience less anxiety.
Specific Anxieties
Individuals experience anxiety in different ways, at different levels and in response to a wide variety of stressors. For example, some people appear to have an anxiety about life in general and view most things, no matter how insignificant, as a potential source of anxiety. For others, the source of anxiety may be more precise – for instance, social situations, their health or a trauma that they have suffered. When we come to very specific sources of fear, the list can be endless – spiders, injections, heights, the dentist…
The point is that our anxiety, and the extent to which it affects our lives, is very individual, therefore it pays to tackle it in a specific way. (In chapter two, we examine the various types of anxieties in detail.)
Anxiety Disorders
An anxiety becomes a disorder when it is consistent, intense and debilitating, to the extent that it disrupts your life. If you have an anxiety disorder, it is likely that you closely associate an experience or an object with danger and fear, and fixate on it. For many, that possibility of danger is exaggerated out of all proportion to the actual threat. As well as having psychological roots, anxiety disorders can also be caused and exacerbated by physical and energy imbalances in the body (we will look at this in more detail in chapter three). The result is anxiety and behavioural responses related to that anxiety.
When anxiety reaches the stage of becoming a disorder, fear can keep the body in a constant state of emergency, causing abnormal physiological functioning and malaise in both mind and body. So how do you know if you may have an anxiety disorder? The following symptoms are common (though by no means offer a definitive diagnosis):
Ongoing sleeping problems or feelings of exhaustion and fatigue
Consistent over-worrying that seems to wear you down
Ongoing difficulty in concentrating, and becoming increasingly forgetful
Feeling continuously tearful or panicky
Ongoing feelings of intense anxiety that won’t go away, no matter how hard you try
You may also experience ‘somatic’ symptoms such as headaches, breathlessness, rapid heartbeat, holding of the breath or even physical complaints such as skin disorders or irritable bowel.
We will look at the effects of anxiety in more detail in chapter 3, but for now suffice it to say that the growing prevalence of anxiety is undoubtedly having a knock-on effect on our health in general – it is estimated, for example, that around 70 per cent of people who turn up at their doctor’s surgery are suffering from stress and anxiety.
Anxiety can manifest in many forms – phobias, panic attacks, general anxiety, health anxieties, body anxieties, obsession and compulsions, and depression. In the next chapter, we will begin to explore the different types of anxiety that people typically suffer from.
2 Specific Anxieties
In this chapter we will be exploring the different types of anxieties that people suffer from. The aim is to increase your awareness of any anxiety that may be affecting you. By becoming more aware, you can be more specific about what you are feeling and hence begin to work on managing or eliminating your anxiety forever.
The anxiety disorders featured are the most prevalent in society today. However, I strongly suggest that you do not give yourself the luxury of a label. Although the anxieties we will be examining are labelled ‘disorders’, suffering from symptoms of one of them does not automatically mean you actually have a disorder. It simply means that you suffer from a certain level of anxiety in that particular area. Remember, an anxiety becomes a disorder when the anxiety is chronic and completely disrupts the sufferer’s life. This is very different from having a mild anxiety about a specific area of life.
Before we look at the various types of anxiety, let’s examine the methods you will be using to measure your anxiety levels.
Measuring Your Level of Anxiety
I have included two methods of measuring anxiety. The first indicates your level of anxiety and is called the SUD (subjective units of distress) scale. This scale is very well known to the therapeutic community and is used to measure levels of anxiety in the moment, as well as to monitor feedback over time. The method measures levels of distress on a scale of 0 to 10: 0–1 indicates no anxiety, 2–3 indicates slight anxiety, 4–6 indicates moderate anxiety, 7–8 indicates marked anxiety and 9–10 indicates extreme anxiety. The scale is used to indicate the intensity of specific symptoms and overall anxiety levels.
As well as measuring your level of anxiety, you will also be recording how often you experience anxiety. This is done simply by noting if you experience the anxiety not at all, a little, some of the time, a lot of the time or all of the time.
These two straightforward measures provide a clear indication of where there is a problem and the depth of the anxiety.
Rather than discard any particular anxieties out of hand, I suggest that you read about each one. You may have a good idea which type of anxiety you are prone to – and, of course, you may feel no anxiety in many of the areas discussed – but reading about them all initially will help clarify what is appropriate to you and may pinpoint a few other areas that you need to pay attention to. I suggest you invest in a note pad or a journal, and, as you work through the sections in this book that are appropriate to you, write down your findings as you go along.
Anxiety/Depression
It is quite common for an anxiety disorder to combine with another disorder, and top of the list and most prevalent in the UK and US is the combination of anxiety and depression. A survey by the charity Mind found that 11.2 per cent of women and 7.2 per cent of men in Britain suffer from this condition. Those who suffer from it generally experience a cocktail of emotions, such as hopelessness, sadness, low energy, an inability to concentrate, anxiety, worry, agitation, irritability and restlessness.
Although this book is mainly about anxiety, depression is such a prevalent condition, and one that is so often combined with anxiety, that it cannot be ignored. It is estimated that one in five people will suffer from depression at some point in their lives, and the World Health Organization estimates that by the year 2020 depression will be the biggest health burden next to heart disease.
Naturally, all of us have the occasional day when we feel fed up and pessimistic, but, rather like having mild bouts of anxiety, such moods pass. With depression, however, these moods don’t pass and there is a tendency to look at the down side of life most of the time – the cup is always seen as being half empty as opposed to half full. The medical profession defines depression as an illness of both mind and body in which the symptoms are mental and physical. There are obviously different levels of depression and, like anxiety, the seriousness of the condition is determined by how much it affects the sufferer and their ability to cope with life.
The Symptoms of Depression
When someone is suffering from mild to moderate depression, they will feel low physically, mentally and emotionally. They experience feelings of hopelessness and persistent sadness and will often feel they are trapped in a vicious circle that they’re unable to escape from. Low energy, tearfulness, a lack of enthusiasm and low motivation are also common symptoms. On the whole, someone who is depressed will view the world negatively and only focus on the bad things in life, and this negative state of mind will be reflected in their body language.
The symptoms of mild to moderate depression are:
Inability to sleep
Sleeping too much
Tears and crying
Low mood
Loss of interest in things that you usually enjoy
Low sex drive
Feelings of pressure
Concentration and memory problems
Feeling muddled
Emotional tiredness and fatigue
Low energy
If you were to experience the feelings outlined above for more than two weeks then a doctor would almost certainly diagnose mild to moderate depression. With this type of depression, people are often not aware that they are suffering until it is pointed out to them. Do be aware, however, that sometimes such depression can come and go.
If you find it extremely difficult to function properly and your thoughts seem so completely dark that you are almost suicidal then you are suffering from a severe depression. In both cases – and particularly the latter – you should see a doctor.
Self-Assessment
– How often do you experience depression?
– Not at all/a little/some of the time/a lot of the time/all of the time.
– Go through the list of symptoms above and, on a level of one to 10, how much do you experience those symptoms today?
(0–1 = no depression, 2–3 = slight depression, 4–6 = moderate depression, 7–8 = marked depression, 9–10 = extremely depressed)
Different Types of Depression
There are a number of different types of depression, and a number of causes. Reactive depression can occur in response to a stressful or traumatic event, such as bereavement, a stressful job or a relationship problem. An endogenous depression, in contrast, appears to come on for no apparent reason, which can create a great deal of anxiety to the individual, as he or she never quite knows when it will come on again. Bi-polar depression is another name for manic depression, which appears in the form of extreme mood swings between mania and its opposite, severe depression. Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, is a seasonal depression that is caused by lack of daylight in the winter, especially around January and February. Another common depressive illness is postnatal depression, which is caused by imbalanced hormones. However, postnatal depression can be psychological as well as clinical, as the mother has to adapt to lifestyle changes as well as the physical changes brought about by motherhood.
As I mentioned before, a large number of people who experience depression also experience symptoms of anxiety. Anxious feelings make you more alert and jittery, whereas if you suffer from depression you are likely to feel that it is an effort to do anything. Anxiety usually precedes depression. However, when anxiety and depression combine, the symptoms overlap.
Symptoms of Anxiety/Depression
Feelings of helplessness
Feelings of hopelessness
Up and down feelings – one moment anxious the next low and depressed
Loss of interest in things that you enjoy
Low energy and motivation
Worry about the future
Feeling of being stuck in the present, unable to focus on the future
Tiredness
Difficulty sleeping
Inability to concentrate
Self-Assessment
– How often have you experienced anxiety/depression?
– Not at all/a little/some of the time/a lot of the time/all of the time.
– Go through the above symptoms and on a level of one to 10 how strongly do you experience these symptoms today?
CASE STUDY for Anxiety/Depression
Viviane was a beautiful 19-year-old who moved to London to make her mark on the modelling industry. She had won all manner of beauty competitions in her home county and it was expected that she would have no problem finding an agent. However, when she got to London, she discovered that life was much harder than she’d imagined it would be. The agency that had been recommended to her turned her down and she found it very hard to get accepted anywhere. After each rejection she found her self-esteem becoming lower and lower. Viviane also had never lived away from home, and she began making do with fast food rather than home-cooked food. The worry about being rejected by agencies was taking its toll on her health. She slept badly and quickly slipped into an anxious depression.
To counter this, I used the anxiety algorithm and the algorithm for depression (see chapter five), both of which worked very well. Viviane and I also worked on her beliefs about herself and she began to learn not to take agency rejections personally and instead see them as simply part and parcel of being a model.
General Anxiety Disorder
General Anxiety Disorder, or GAD, is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by consistent, chronic worry. The American Psychiatric Association has described the condition as excessive anxiety and worry occurring for a minimum of six months. It is estimated that between 2 and 5 per cent of the population of the UK suffer from GAD, while in the US it is estimated there are around four million sufferers. GAD affects both men and women, although statistics show that a considerably higher percentage of women suffer the disorder. Genetics can play a part in GAD, though childhood and life experiences seem to be the bigger contributor.
GAD is a non-specific anxiety, therefore it is not often possible to pinpoint where its roots lie. Excessive worry seems to be present in relation to absolutely everything in life – health, money, job, relationships and even worry about worry itself. With this kind of worry – often referred to as ‘meta’ worry – life becomes distorted with anxieties about everything. Day-to-day concerns, such as turning up on time for appointments or obsessing over something said or done, are often compounded by daily events on the news and events on a global level, such as the terrorist attack at the world trade centre.
With GAD, worries start internally; the individual starts with negative, limiting and often irrational thoughts about themselves, which develop into an exhausting spiral of negative internal dialogue. Experiences become exaggerated out of all proportion, as the anxiety is always more intense than the situations ever warrant. To make matters worse, not only does the individual with GAD worry about himself or herself, they also worry for their loved ones and anyone else around them.
GAD, at its extreme, escalates to the extent that it causes crippling distress to the sufferer. It can last for weeks or months and seem never ending. To the worrier, it feels as if there are threatening situations and disasters around every corner. If you experience this sort of anxiety excessively then you are likely to suffer other physical symptoms, such as general aches and pains, headaches, light-headedness, nausea, lack of concentration, memory loss and sleeping difficulties, all of which can then create even more anxiety. Like all anxieties, you can suffer from GAD to varying degrees.
Symptoms of GAD
Excessive worry about life circumstances
Feeling constantly on edge, restless and irritable
Inability to disengage with object of anxiety
Difficulty concentrating
Constant tension in the body
Shaking and trembling
Being easily fatigued
Trouble sleeping
Nausea
Dizziness
Pressure on the chest
Sweating, cold clammy hands
Self-Assessment
– How often do you experience general anxiety?
– Not at all/a little/some of the time/a lot of the time/all of the time
– Do you find it difficult to control your anxiety and worry?
– Not at all/a little/some of the time/a lot of the time/all of the time
– On a scale of one to 10, how much do you suffer the symptoms of general anxiety in your life today?
(0–1 = none, 2–3 = slight worry and anxiety, 4–6 = moderate anxiety, 7–8 = marked worry and anxiety, 9–10 = chronic worry and anxiety)
CASE STUDY for GAD
Ross, an attractive 24-year-old Australian, was on a travelling trip around the world. Whilst in London, he found himself suffering from severe bouts of anxiety and worry that appeared to be causing on-going migraines and stomach cramps. Ross had a belief that he couldn’t cope. These disempowering thoughts were the result of consistently failing exams in childhood and the learning disability dyslexia. When he was in Australia, he was supported by his mother and sister and felt able to manage his life. However, when abroad, he found it very difficult to communicate his fears and anxieties for fear of ridicule. He seemed to suffer from worry and anxiety about absolutely everything and the slightest thing would cause a negative spiral. He worried about getting a job then he worried about the people around him. He worried that he couldn’t get a girlfriend; he worried about his health.
Underlying Ross’s worry was a belief that he couldn’t cope, so we worked to change this by using some of the beliefs exercises featured in this book. I also used the TFT algorithm for anxiety (see chapter five), and exercises on worry, which allowed him to put his problems into perspective. Ross returned to Australia feeling a lot better.
Social Anxiety
A large number of people have suffered from social anxiety at some point in their lives. Think back over your own experiences and I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to recall a period when you were shy and anxious with particular people or groups, or in certain social settings.
To a certain extent, we are born with our personality already mapped out and with an ‘emotional’ biology that is thought to determine our temperament. Consider babies for a moment – they all have such different personalities. Children born to the same parents also usually have characters that are completely different: one child may have a placid temperament, while another is more robust.
Of course, there is little doubt we are affected by our environment and social anxiety often has its roots in childhood experiences. However, studies examining whether the temperaments of young children changed in social situations over time found that the robust, confident individuals stayed that way in groups of people. The children who were fearful and nervy at an earlier age were more likely to be anxious in social situations, though some did improve.
It is perhaps during adolescence that social phobias and anxieties really begin to manifest and become most apparent. At this stage, children may be breaking some of the bonds with their parents and becoming more aware of themselves as individuals, but they have a strong need to fit in with their peers. As a result, anxieties emerge about being judged or rejected – or indeed doing anything that might conceivably lead to embarrassment or humiliation.
Social anxiety can occur on many different levels. When it is mild, the sufferer usually experiences discomfort and anxiety in particular situations. In cases of extreme anxiety, the individual is consumed by thoughts of their inadequacies and feels quite overwhelmed and panicky. Following a stressful event they will spend hours obsessing about how they could have behaved differently. It is also possible to have phobic reaction in social situations (see here).
While the lucky ones grow out of their anxiety, others simply learn to manage it. For some, however, it can stick, causing them to become fixated with self-doubts about social situations. Patterns like this can run the whole of a lifespan and can have an incredibly negative effect on a person’s life, making it difficult for them to make friends and get on in social situations. For an unlucky minority, this becomes so fraught with anxiety that they will avoid such situations and hence become reclusive and lonely.
High-tech, Low-value Communication
The computer has patently not helped us to interact with others. Instead of communicating face to face and developing relationships within the family and at work, many of us – kids, teenagers and adults – spend hours in front of the computer, cut off from genuine human contact. Today, you can, if you choose, virtually lead your life via the Internet – you can do your shopping, click on to chat rooms for conversations and even have a relationship over the net. Dating anxiety is very common, as the insecurities we have about ourselves can negatively affect the way we communicate. Using the Internet can make the initial process less stressful, but of course it throws up many other problems, not least of which are the expectations both parties have built up before they meet.
Social anxiety is often based on perception rather than feedback from others. People with social anxiety become very conscious of the signals that they are giving out and can easily find themselves blushing, tongue-tied or unable to eat, drink or talk; or the opposite – eating or drinking too much to cope with the situation. And, not surprisingly, this can often exacerbate an already difficult situation.
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