Last of the Summer Wine

Last of The Summer Wine

The Best of British Comedy

The Best Scenes, Jokes and One-liners

Richard Webber

  HarperCollins

Publishers

Table of Contents

Cover Page

Title Page

INTRODUCTION

THE STORY IN A NUTSHELL

HAIL SMILING MORN OR THEREABOUTS

THE GREAT BOARDING-HOUSE BATHROOM CAPER

CHEERING UP GORDON

FLOWER POWER CUT

WHOOPS

IN THE SERVICE OF HUMANITY

CAR AND GARTER

THE ODD DOG MEN

A BICYCLE MADE FOR THREE

ONE OF THE LAST FEW PLACES UNEXPLORED BY MAN

SERENADE FOR TIGHT JEANS AND METAL DETECTOR

FROM WELLIES TO WET SUIT

ALL MOD CONNED

THE WHITE MANS GRAVE

GETTING SAM HOME

THE LOXLEY LOZENGE

THE MYSTERIOUS FEET OF NORA BATTY

KEEPING BRITAIN TIDY

ENTER THE PHANTOM

CATCHING DIGBY’S DONKEY

UNCLE OF THE BRIDE

THE HEAVILY REINFORCED BOTTOM

DRIED DATES AND CODFANGLERS

THE REALLY MASCULINE PURSE

WHOS FEELING EJECTED, THEN?

EDIE AND THE AUTOMOBILE

MERRY CHRISTMAS, FATHER CHRISTMAS

DANCING FEET

THAT CERTAIN SMILE

DOWNHILL RACER

THE DAY OF THE WELSH FERRET

CRUMS

RETURN OF THE WARRIOR

THE EMPIRE THAT FOGGY NEARLY BUILT

THE LAST SURVIVING MAURICE CHEVALIER IMPRESSION

WAS THAT NORA BATTY SINGING?

THE PHANTOM OF THE GRAVEYARD

HAVE YOU GOT A LIGHT MATE?

STOP THAT BATH

THE GLORY HOLE

ADOPTED BY A STRAY

THE DEFEAT OF THE STONEWORM

BICYCLE BONANZA

HOW TO CREATE A MONSTER

DESTINY AND SIX BANANAS

BEWARE OF THE OGLETHORPE

BEWARE THE VANILLA SLICE

ELEGY FOR FALLEN WELLIES

SURPRISE AT THROSTLENEST

JUST A SMALL FUNERAL

THE MIRACULOUS CURING OF OLD GOFF HELLIWELL

THE CROWCROFT CHALLENGE

I WAS A HITMAN FOR PRIMROSE DAIRIES

TEST YOUR KNOWLEDGE

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Other Books By

Copyright

About the Publisher

INTRODUCTION

Think for a moment about all those classic sitcoms. While the premise, period, setting and style may differ, there are ingredients which are inherent in all of the examples, factors which must be in place if the programme is to rise above the norm and reach the higher echelons of the genre. Without these, the comedy—albeit watchable and likely to occasion a chuckle every now and again—will be just another run-of-the-mill product. Of course, in today’s ruthless world of TV, such offerings wouldn’t get a second glance, let alone a commission.

So what are some of these magical elements which are intrinsically entwined in the fabric of the best sitcoms? If we knew the answer to that we’d been overflowing with scriptwriting millionaires and not have one small-screen turkey to  ridicule. But it’s clear when you consider the likes of

Dad’s Army

,

Porridge

,

Only Fools and Horses

,

Steptoe and Son

,

The Good Life

,

Fawlty Towers

 et al that there are similarities—and you certainly don’t need to be Einstein to spot them, either. All possess a sterling cast, for starters; performers who are adept in their craft and can bring a script to life with a single glance, a strained twitch, a puff of the cheeks.

Then there is the script itself. A proficient cast needs decent material to work with, and it’s all too easy to forget the person behind the scenes, the creator whose job is to create, time after time, a high calibre script. In such a competitive arena one can only admire the ability of writers to produce an inordinate amount of crisp, rich and humorous material.

No finer example of the aforementioned qualities can be found than in Yorkshire-born Roy Clarke’s scripts. A purveyor of fine dialogue and characterisation, this former teacher and policeman has afforded us the likes of

Open All Hours

,

Keeping Up Appearances

 and, of course, the delectable

Last of the Summer Wine

.

If you ever wanted a seamless example of quality writing, acting and production then look no further than

Summer Wine

, the world’s longest-running TV sitcom. For proof of its popularity and class, just consider how long it’s been entertaining audiences: 36 years. On the surface, the show appears simply to spotlight the daily lives of, primarily, three old men  ambling through their autumn years. But, as expected, there is much more to the programme, including a recurring sense of sadness, a feeling of missed opportunities and contemplating the real meaning of life, beautifully expressed through the reflective nature of the leading characters.

DID YOU KNOW?

One of

Summer Wine

’s claims to fame is that it was the first British TV comedy recorded in stereo sound.

We’ll be sampling this and much more within these covers. If you want to find out how the series was conceived, discover some interesting facts about the show, learn about the writer’s, performers’ and producer’s experiences, as well as enjoying some of the finest scenes in the long-running sitcom, which extends to over 280 episodes, then settle back and keep reading!

RICHARD WEBBER

THE STORY IN A NUTSHELL

It was the 4 January 1973 and a half-hour comedy pilot, ‘Of Funerals And Fish’, had just flickered on to our screens. Nora Batty was chatting with a neighbour when a small van pulled up outside. A man jumped out and disappeared into Bill ‘Compo’ Simonite’s house next-door.

NORA:

They’re taking his telly again.

NEIGHBOUR: God, is it Tuesday already?

These lines provided the first breath in the life of a programme which would become a small-screen legend; it’s the doyen of all sitcoms and still going strong, 36 years later. It’s hard to find another sitcom which evokes so many emotions than Roy Clarke’s

Last of the Summer Wine.

 A sense of innocence, humour, contemplation, sadness—they’re all there, embedded in scripts brought to life by a fine bunch of actors,  and I’m not just referring to the main cast: even those recruited to play secondary characters or guests roles turned out well-honed performances.

But where

Summer Wine

 scored extra marks is in its delicious setting. Yes, the Pennines, in the heart of Yorkshire, can be rugged, bleak and, as the performers often discovered, exceedingly chilly. But the greenery and fine curves of the rolling landscape provided a wonderful backdrop to the show.

To unearth the origins of the sitcom, we have to travel back nearly four decades to that

Comedy Playhouse

 offering in the depths of winter 1973. Pioneering Duncan Wood, the then Head of Comedy at the BBC, who’d produced such shows as

Hancock’s Half-Hour

 and

The World of Beachcomber

, had seen Roy Clarke’s comedy drama

The Misfit

, which between 1970 and 1971 ran to two series on ATV; he regarded the writer as the right man to pen a pilot script he had in mind, even though Roy had established himself, primarily, as a writer of drama.

The premise for the half-hour script centred around the daily goings-on in the lives of three elderly men—not that much happened; for them, it was about trying to fill their very long days with something to occupy their ageing minds, although they fought tooth-and-nail against the onset of old age. For a while, Roy Clarke struggled with the concept and was on the verge of declining the chance to write the pilot script; but then he found a solution to his predicament: by treating the three central  characters like juveniles, with carefree attitudes and a sense of freedom akin to the years of adolescence, he created plenty of opportunities to inject humour into the script.

Everything clicked. Roy Clarke delivered a script which was shown as a pilot programme, a well-proven way of discovering which comedy ideas had the legs to become a full-blown series. The pilot, ‘Of Funerals And Fish’, was transmitted on that January evening and before long a series was commissioned. The first of six episodes, ‘Short Back And Palais Glide’, was screened in November 1973.

‘WE’VE REALLY CRACKED IT THIS TIME.’ (HOWARD)

For a time, it looked as if the series would be called

The Library Mob

, despite Roy’s provisional title being

Last of the Summer Wine

. Thankfully, BBC executives saw sense and opted for the writer’s suggestion, which in its way symbolised the sitcom’s style and format. Here, three men were reaching the twilight of their lives, despite what they may have wanted to believe, so savouring the final drops of life to the full, like you would a fine wine, were of paramount importance.

Roy Clarke’s title conjures up images of rurality, too, and this aspect of the programme was an integral part of its success and longevity. For me, like millions of other fans, the characters’  regular wandering on the hills, far beyond the clatter and noise of civilisation, was a crucial element—a form of escapism. It’s a well-known fact that much of the filming takes place in and around Holmfirth, a small West Yorkshire town situated in the Holme Valley. Six miles south of Huddersfield, the town grew up around a corn mill and bridge in the thirteenth century, and has now been placed firmly on the tourist map, thanks to

Summer Wine

. The location was suggested by the late Barry Took, who’d filmed a half-hour instalment of a BBC documentary series close to the town; aware that Duncan Wood was shooting a Yorkshire-based comedy pilot, he recommended they take a look at Holmfirth.

The central trio of characters, beginning with Bill ‘Compo’ Simonite, Norman Clegg and Cyril Blamire, were written as old

DID YOU KNOW?

Peter Sallis, who’ll forever be linked with the wonderful Norman Clegg, found himself cast as his own father in Roy Clarke’s

First of the Summer Wine

.

friends, creating an instant bond between them and affording Roy the chance to exploit their long-held friendships for comedy purposes.

When casting the lead roles, one actor was top of the list to fill the shoes of Norman Clegg. Peter Sallis had already appeared in Roy Clarke-scripted programmes and the writer knew that upon creating Clegg, a retired lino salesman, Sallis was the man for the job. The other lead roles went to experienced thespian Michael Bates (Cyril), who’d appeared in myriad TV and big-screen roles, and equally experienced cockney actor Bill Owen (Bill).

However, the casting of Owen, whose long list of credits included the first two

Carry On

 films,

Sergeant

 and

Nurse

,